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Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns will tell you all about sadomasochism. We made it light-hearted and fun to read because SM is fun to do. That's why we do it. But fun is only SM's overture; for those who grasp its message, SM is sexual magic. The right blend of trust, fantasy, and sensuality creates an intensely erotic and deeply intimate stew. We take away our lovers' freedom and lead them to profound liberty. We peer into the dark together, transforming it to light. In these pages you will find clear explanations for the curious, and solid advice, safety measures and steamy suggestions for the adventurous. Allow us to guide you through the captivating realms of sensuality, dreamed of by millions, realized by few, and understood by fewer still.
264 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 1988
126 people are currently reading
3128 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews
June 1, 2009
This book chaps my ass in a bad way. Considering the subject of the text, I felt I had to specify that. It receives rave reviews everywhere I go, yet I have never recommended it to a single client or friend. True, it offers solid beginner's information in an upbeat way, but it does a poor job at the effort. Not only is the humor tedious and sometimes even offensive, but the images are also cheaply done. Worse yet, it seems to assume that every reader is interested in a power-exchange relationship in which there is a dominant male and a submissive female. At the very least, it expects that all readers will put up with that significant bias in the text. While the authors have defended this bias by stating that they are simply writing about what they know, they did seek out advice on several other topics. Why not invite guest authors, or find other ways to branch out? They could also simply title and market the book to their real audience, instead of as a general guide. The BDSM scene is often dominated (heh) by the assumption that the man is the master and his wife/girlfriend is his eager submissive. Furthermore, BDSM books are often poorly written by people with mediocre skills in that area, but better skills in power play. Both situations are painfully eager in this book. Not suggested for those interested in trying BDSM, or those who work with kinksters in need of a basic level of understanding. Try Greenery Press books as a starting place for better guides.
October 20, 2011
This is a really great book for those seeking an introduction to SM. That’s not to say that a more experienced practitioner will not glean some useful information from this book, but the book is most definitely written with newcomers in mind. In particular, the book’s frequent stabs at humor feel like they are meant to put a possibly nervous person curious about SM at ease, while their effect on non-newbies would probably not be as effective. Some people seem upset about the fact that the book only addresses SM from the viewpoint of a heterosexual dominant male submissive female relationship, but, as the authors themselves mention, the text is applicable to all relationship types. There are a few grammatical errors, and while they don’t render the text unreadable, there are enough of them to make one wish that it had been properly edited.
August 28, 2012
It might not seem like it but back in '95 people who actually had real experience in D/s or S&M were just starting to write books that people not in the scene could understand. If Phillip had lived, I'm sure there would have been updated versions as well.
July 18, 2014
Rating: 3.5
For techniques on the basic S&M and BDSM this is a good primer.
It's focus was on cis-gendered and heterosexual people. It also only focused on Male!Dominant and Female!Submissive, which is not always the case.
They claim that since they are cis-gendered, straight, white, male!dom and female!sub, that they could not write about others in the kink community- even though gay men started the scene. That's pretty lazy writing, because you could have researched or interviewed people. At least there was some acknowledgement for Queers* and POC and inter-racial relationships. Not the point though.
Basically, sums up kinksters. LOL
For techniques on the basic S&M and BDSM this is a good primer.
It's focus was on cis-gendered and heterosexual people. It also only focused on Male!Dominant and Female!Submissive, which is not always the case.
They claim that since they are cis-gendered, straight, white, male!dom and female!sub, that they could not write about others in the kink community- even though gay men started the scene. That's pretty lazy writing, because you could have researched or interviewed people. At least there was some acknowledgement for Queers* and POC and inter-racial relationships. Not the point though.
Basically, sums up kinksters. LOL
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 21, 2012
Funny, entertaining and educational! Anyone curious about BDSM should read this first, to get an insight into the psychological mindset of its practitioners. Good diagrams of the body, showing where pressure points are and where NOT to smack your sub. From previous reviews, it seems like you either love this book or hate this book. I'm a member of the former--I loved it!
December 30, 2012
Fantastic MUST HAVE book on BDSM. If you're curious about the lifestyle AT ALL, this is a book you will want to OWN. Ours is dogeared and loved and read more often than any book I've ever had the pleasure of enjoying :)
May 14, 2017
nontraditional at it's best
February 20, 2022
I loved every page of it. This is full of excellent advice and so positive about sexuality.
October 7, 2020
Not sure what to say. I wouldn't exactly call this a 'guide' to SM like I saw people saying in the reviews , becuse to me it looked like the couple who wrote this talked about their experience, their view and their preferences with BDSM (for most of the book, but i cannot really blame them because it was written '95).
So from my point of view they just stated their opinions, not actual facts.
Although, I have to say that there is some useful advice here regarding body preparations (bondage, whips etc.) while the mental and psychological explanations were rare (which was weird because that is the most important part).
Illustrations were cringey and writing style lazy but I found it pretty funny.
So from my point of view they just stated their opinions, not actual facts.
Although, I have to say that there is some useful advice here regarding body preparations (bondage, whips etc.) while the mental and psychological explanations were rare (which was weird because that is the most important part).
Illustrations were cringey and writing style lazy but I found it pretty funny.
February 12, 2018
Note based on some of the other reviews: This is written by a couple that happens to be male dom and female sub. They may not be you. If it bothers you that they are not exactly you then don't read the book, write your own.
Aside from that this is a great beginner guide. The illustrations aren't great (but that's what google is for) and the authors make a few dad-jokes but they present the information in a simple, informative manner and they emphasize that these things are meant to be FUN. They do approach it more from a power exchange dynamic but the book is more about toys and practices than a guide to the multitude of dynamics kinksters could find themselves in. The important thing to remember is that people in an M/S relationship can enjoy spanking as well as a switch couple and this book focuses more on the how-tos of the spanking which is what matters most.
As with any beginner guide some things are lacking but by the time you are ready to learn about those you'll have passed the beginner level anyway. The most important thing this book does is teaches you to learn your techniques, to communicate and to be safe.
I actually read this before I began my own career as a BDSM erotica author and shortly after I got into BDSM in my own life. Even today I recommend it and incorporate its lessons into my writing. You may not be straight, may not be into male doms and female subs, may not see your favorite implement of pain or pleasure in the pages of this book but everyone can learn some of the most important lessons of BDSM from this particular work. Especially the golden rule...that everything we do be SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL (I'm looking your way Mr. Grey).
Aside from that this is a great beginner guide. The illustrations aren't great (but that's what google is for) and the authors make a few dad-jokes but they present the information in a simple, informative manner and they emphasize that these things are meant to be FUN. They do approach it more from a power exchange dynamic but the book is more about toys and practices than a guide to the multitude of dynamics kinksters could find themselves in. The important thing to remember is that people in an M/S relationship can enjoy spanking as well as a switch couple and this book focuses more on the how-tos of the spanking which is what matters most.
As with any beginner guide some things are lacking but by the time you are ready to learn about those you'll have passed the beginner level anyway. The most important thing this book does is teaches you to learn your techniques, to communicate and to be safe.
I actually read this before I began my own career as a BDSM erotica author and shortly after I got into BDSM in my own life. Even today I recommend it and incorporate its lessons into my writing. You may not be straight, may not be into male doms and female subs, may not see your favorite implement of pain or pleasure in the pages of this book but everyone can learn some of the most important lessons of BDSM from this particular work. Especially the golden rule...that everything we do be SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL (I'm looking your way Mr. Grey).
May 8, 2010
This is one of the few non-fiction books that have made it to my favorites list. It is a complete overview of sadomasochism.
It reads a lot like someone is talking to you about their favorite topic - diary/journal writing style. It's co-written by a man and woman who give you their different viewpoints on why they are into sadomasochism and the specifics of what they like.
It looks at the psychology behind such desires and even has a section on tips on how to be a good Sub and/or Dom. It covers such subjects as how to approach your partner about your desires, the correct way to spank, useful knot techniques, the benefits of safe words, legal issues, and the mental side of dominating or submitting to your partner.
The woman focuses mainly on the mental feeling of safety that she receives from submitting to her man and the intensity of the pleasure from pain - while the man talks about the adrenaline rush he gets from being in charge of a woman and the heightened pleasure he receives from that control rush. But, the authors do leave room for the gender roles to be switched based on which partner is actually dom/sub.
I especially enjoyed the psychology lessons regarding these particular desires...
It reads a lot like someone is talking to you about their favorite topic - diary/journal writing style. It's co-written by a man and woman who give you their different viewpoints on why they are into sadomasochism and the specifics of what they like.
It looks at the psychology behind such desires and even has a section on tips on how to be a good Sub and/or Dom. It covers such subjects as how to approach your partner about your desires, the correct way to spank, useful knot techniques, the benefits of safe words, legal issues, and the mental side of dominating or submitting to your partner.
The woman focuses mainly on the mental feeling of safety that she receives from submitting to her man and the intensity of the pleasure from pain - while the man talks about the adrenaline rush he gets from being in charge of a woman and the heightened pleasure he receives from that control rush. But, the authors do leave room for the gender roles to be switched based on which partner is actually dom/sub.
I especially enjoyed the psychology lessons regarding these particular desires...
March 19, 2009
Good!
Anyone who raises their brows on hearing S&M should read this for their edification and broadening of the mind. It pretty much tells you everything you need to get started and enjoy the deeply paradoxical and yet tremendously enjoyable experience of sadomasochism: tools, toys, techniques of spanking, whipping, paddling, bonding, torturing, and other wonderful activities, and a method of introducing your partner into it.
Whether you like to dominate or be dominated, this book will teach you how to spice up your sex life a million-fold by allowing you to live your fantasies.
S&M is not about sexual abuse, senseless violence, or other inhumane treatment of others. It's founded in mutual trust, love, and consent. It's about making your sex life fresh, exciting, and ecstatic, and not about imposing your fantasies on your unwilling partner.
It's all for the fun.
Live your fantasies and have a blast.
Good read.
Anyone who raises their brows on hearing S&M should read this for their edification and broadening of the mind. It pretty much tells you everything you need to get started and enjoy the deeply paradoxical and yet tremendously enjoyable experience of sadomasochism: tools, toys, techniques of spanking, whipping, paddling, bonding, torturing, and other wonderful activities, and a method of introducing your partner into it.
Whether you like to dominate or be dominated, this book will teach you how to spice up your sex life a million-fold by allowing you to live your fantasies.
S&M is not about sexual abuse, senseless violence, or other inhumane treatment of others. It's founded in mutual trust, love, and consent. It's about making your sex life fresh, exciting, and ecstatic, and not about imposing your fantasies on your unwilling partner.
It's all for the fun.
Live your fantasies and have a blast.
Good read.
July 31, 2008
This is a great book to someone new to the scene, or experienced. It goes over the psychology, history, and practice of Sadomasochism, as well as how to practice safely on your own. It offers advice on how to set up a good scene, what to watch out for (in terms of safety), and what to look for in good equipment. Even better, it shows how to make your own equipment! At the back is a resource guide, with addresses of established stores and centers for the kinky soul. An amazing resource.
February 17, 2010
Surprisingly easy to read. It's conversational, funny and informative. Does a good job of explaining something very foreign to me in ways I can understand (mostly). I enjoyed the discussion of the psychology behind this lifestyle, the dominance and submission part in particular. And I like that the authors go to great lengths to stress physical and mental safety. Excellent crash course on the subject if you're curious.
July 21, 2009
If your even the slightest bit interested in S&M this is the perfect book. It explains the different types of fetishes, how to do most of the acts properly, the psychological effects of S&M on your partners and yourself, and what and the types of people to watch out for. It is overall one of my favorite books.
February 19, 2017
This book is outdated but is one of the classics, some chapters were really interesting and I really enjoyed the emphasis in safety and the well being of both the submissive and dominant, but other parts were kind of meh or sometimes I wanted more depth. A nice introductory book, if you are interested in BDSM I recommend you just skim trough the bits that peak your interest.
January 9, 2009
For those in the Lifestyle or just interested in an accurate representation of what it's about, this makes for a good read. At times titillating, this book takes you by the hand for a serious (and not so serious) walk thru the world of S&M.
July 31, 2009
A good primer for those interested in exploring BDSM. Laid out very well. Not too wordy. More like a manual than any other power exchange guide I have read. Hilarious in parts. This book uses humor to drive home some very valid points about "the lifestyle".
May 3, 2011
I was fortunate to know the author before he passed away. This book is much loved by its own niche demographic, encouraging responsible and compassionate sado-masochistic relationships. My copy is signed: "To Molly: our eternal innocent, with love, Philip Miller"
August 30, 2017
Great for the novices... & for some experienced practitioners as well! Very informative book covering different aspects of BDSM. Includes some practical advice, safe instructions, instructions on how to make your own kinky toys, glossary of BDSM world, etc. Make it safe, sane & consensual!
June 1, 2025
Although a rehash for me...still liked the information in this.
January 9, 2012
Still the best, hands down, on the subject. Lively conversational style. Non threatening. Great info. A REALLY great book!
April 12, 2013
Somewhat goofy tone, but plenty of good information. A few erotic passages for good measure.
May 18, 2020
Not what I was looking for. Mildly cringey with at times questionable content.
July 7, 2021
3.5 stars
Excellent resource for anyone--those interested in doing, writing about, reading about, or simply imagining!
I liked their inclusive, open-minded words, despite being disappointed that the majority of the book is written from a male-dom female-sub position. Which, as the writers' state, is what they know best, so I understand why they chose that method. It was just slightly alienating. Their generous, inclusive words certainly let me set my personal disappointment aside and allowed for my own interpretation.
All the submissive photos are of women except for one, I believe, and there were very few photos of techniques for men in general, so the imbalance of equally rendered gender images was a significant disappointment as well.
The resources and electronic language was somewhat dated, but still understandable.
Overall, definitely recommended. Expansive and easily approachable text with sound philosophy and psychology, and many practical techniques, as well as heaps of great scene ideas!
Excellent resource for anyone--those interested in doing, writing about, reading about, or simply imagining!
I liked their inclusive, open-minded words, despite being disappointed that the majority of the book is written from a male-dom female-sub position. Which, as the writers' state, is what they know best, so I understand why they chose that method. It was just slightly alienating. Their generous, inclusive words certainly let me set my personal disappointment aside and allowed for my own interpretation.
All the submissive photos are of women except for one, I believe, and there were very few photos of techniques for men in general, so the imbalance of equally rendered gender images was a significant disappointment as well.
The resources and electronic language was somewhat dated, but still understandable.
Overall, definitely recommended. Expansive and easily approachable text with sound philosophy and psychology, and many practical techniques, as well as heaps of great scene ideas!
March 12, 2013
I really enjoyed this book. It was funny, the material was easy to understand. It's very good for people who are beginning or are thinking about dipping their toes into the BDSM pool. It did take me several months to finish reading it, but that's only because I was also reading other books at the same time. I find that while helpful, a lot of the information is more for Dominants than for submissives. With that being said, it's very important for submissives to know what a good, responsible Dominant should know.
So yes, highly recommended.
So yes, highly recommended.
June 16, 2014
This is a great book for beginners...mostly.
The only thing I didn't care for as I learned about the lifestyle, is that a lot of what is said seemed absolute. I will have to go back and re-read to give specifics because there may have been things that were read differently in the mind of a then novice.
My recollection is of it being BDSM-lite and seeming to say that it was just the way things really are.
It is a good addition to a Lifestyle library as long as it's read with an open mind.
The only thing I didn't care for as I learned about the lifestyle, is that a lot of what is said seemed absolute. I will have to go back and re-read to give specifics because there may have been things that were read differently in the mind of a then novice.
My recollection is of it being BDSM-lite and seeming to say that it was just the way things really are.
It is a good addition to a Lifestyle library as long as it's read with an open mind.
June 29, 2014
This is a great book for beginners...mostly.
The only thing I didn't care for as I learned about the lifestyle, is that a lot of what is said seemed absolute. I will have to go back and re-read to give specifics because there may have been things that were read differently in the mind of a then novice.
My recollection is of it being BDSM-lite and seeming to say that it was just the way things really are.
It is a good addition to a Lifestyle library as long as it's read with an open mind.
The only thing I didn't care for as I learned about the lifestyle, is that a lot of what is said seemed absolute. I will have to go back and re-read to give specifics because there may have been things that were read differently in the mind of a then novice.
My recollection is of it being BDSM-lite and seeming to say that it was just the way things really are.
It is a good addition to a Lifestyle library as long as it's read with an open mind.
July 4, 2017
Excellent book to read. Wanted to learn more about the things I was reading in the erotica/bdsm books I have been reading.
The book is very informative and words everything plan and simple about Doms. Subs, Bondage, anal play, and more . . . very good book.
I would recommend to others interested in the BDSM. The book is written by a man and a woman.
The book is very informative and words everything plan and simple about Doms. Subs, Bondage, anal play, and more . . . very good book.
I would recommend to others interested in the BDSM. The book is written by a man and a woman.
March 14, 2014
Overall it's a helpful guide for those new or curious about the lifestyle. Someone like me, who's in the scene, searching for a reliable source to reference academically, will not feel satisfied with its content. However I will vouch it's authenticity and even for it's age, I would recommend this to a vanilla or curious. It will not be sourced for my research.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews