What do you think?
Rate this book
Giving Away Simone
Giving Away Simone is Jan Waldron's account of her compelling, turbulent, and maddeningly original relationship with the daughter she gave away. Jan's baby, Simone, was the fifth generation of women in her family to be abandoned by their mothers. Determined to fight this "undertow of conditioned exiting, an affliction of easy farewell," Jan reunited with her daughter, now renamed Rebecca, when Rebecca was eleven. They spent the next thirteen years trying to come to terms with each other and figure out what kind of roles they were to play in each others' lives.
For birthmothers, there are no simple equations of loss and gain. Each adoption is its own unique universe of complexities and ambiguities. But often the most personal is also the most universal, and there are truths to be found in every story. This beautifully rendered, intensely personal memoir gives essential shading to choices usually reduced to black and white. Waldron does not dispense advice; she probes the emotional fallout, on both sides of adoption, an area in which sedated platitudes have presided for far too long. "
From the Trade Paperback edition.
For birthmothers, there are no simple equations of loss and gain. Each adoption is its own unique universe of complexities and ambiguities. But often the most personal is also the most universal, and there are truths to be found in every story. This beautifully rendered, intensely personal memoir gives essential shading to choices usually reduced to black and white. Waldron does not dispense advice; she probes the emotional fallout, on both sides of adoption, an area in which sedated platitudes have presided for far too long. "
From the Trade Paperback edition.
- GenresAdoptionMemoirNonfiction
236 pages, Hardcover
First published January 24, 1995
1 person is currently reading
90 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
August 19, 2021
Hooooooly cow.
Having read Surviving the White Gaze, I thought it would be interesting to read the book that Rebecca's mother, Jan (named Tess in her book), wrote. Rebecca described it as a text that hurt her, and I can see why.
The book is fair for the most part, until part 3. In part 3, Jan voices a lot of thoughts on behalf of Rebecca, and proves that she is just as self-interested as she claims Rebecca to believe. Oftentimes, we criticize because of our own insecurities. It seems that Jan does this here - she reflects an entitlement that is unfair, not understanding that trauma of rejection and how words like "I will never love you as much as my 'kept' children" could devastate a child. She says that she will not tolerate the bullying from Rebecca, and while her feelings of hurt are valid, who is she to determine that Rebecca has no right to criticize her past and present actions?
To know that the afterword, written by Rebecca, was coerced adds a deeper layer to this book, and it seems foolish that I probably would have believed that Rebecca would have written it. No adoptee would ever criticize themselves to the point that "Rebecca" does in the afterward, calling herself entitled and possessing a self-importance. Of course we all are selfish. But Rebecca had no decision in the act of being given up or adopted. She has a right to such charged feelings.
There are a couple good things, but the book really takes a downturn halfway through. I do think this book paints Jan in a bad light, but if you do not believe so, I would highly recommend Rebecca's account of their relationship in supplementation with this book.
Having read Surviving the White Gaze, I thought it would be interesting to read the book that Rebecca's mother, Jan (named Tess in her book), wrote. Rebecca described it as a text that hurt her, and I can see why.
The book is fair for the most part, until part 3. In part 3, Jan voices a lot of thoughts on behalf of Rebecca, and proves that she is just as self-interested as she claims Rebecca to believe. Oftentimes, we criticize because of our own insecurities. It seems that Jan does this here - she reflects an entitlement that is unfair, not understanding that trauma of rejection and how words like "I will never love you as much as my 'kept' children" could devastate a child. She says that she will not tolerate the bullying from Rebecca, and while her feelings of hurt are valid, who is she to determine that Rebecca has no right to criticize her past and present actions?
To know that the afterword, written by Rebecca, was coerced adds a deeper layer to this book, and it seems foolish that I probably would have believed that Rebecca would have written it. No adoptee would ever criticize themselves to the point that "Rebecca" does in the afterward, calling herself entitled and possessing a self-importance. Of course we all are selfish. But Rebecca had no decision in the act of being given up or adopted. She has a right to such charged feelings.
There are a couple good things, but the book really takes a downturn halfway through. I do think this book paints Jan in a bad light, but if you do not believe so, I would highly recommend Rebecca's account of their relationship in supplementation with this book.
October 17, 2021
I’m very glad that I read this after “Surviving the White Gaze,” written by the daughter that this author gave up for adoption (now named Rebecca Carroll). That book is essential to putting this one in context. Jan Waldron is in many ways very self-aware and thoughtful and sympathetic — UNTIL she reunites with her birth daughter, and then her behavior and words are shockingly insensitive, selfish, and harmful. The correspondence that Jan quotes heavily here to exonerate and explain herself has the opposite effect. The afterword purports to be written by Rebecca, but is so clearly written by Jan (Rebecca’s book explains how this happened). Knowing the trauma that Rebecca experienced due to her relationship with her birth mother — particularly about her identity as an adoptee and a biracial woman — left me outraged by Jan’s depiction of herself and of her birth daughter.
Also, the author repeatedly defines adoption as a woman “giving up” her child, which ignores the many parents whose rights are terminated.
Also, the author repeatedly defines adoption as a woman “giving up” her child, which ignores the many parents whose rights are terminated.
March 11, 2015
I didn't know if I was going to enjoy reading this book. the author is very anti-religion and she talked somewhat negatively about adoption in the beginning of the book so I thought she might also be pro-abortion and i wasn't sure I could handle that in a book.
But I am so so glad I read! This book is honest, real and raw about the unnaturalness and complications of adoption. It raises some wonderful points of how culture needs to change in this area and that it's not just all nice and happy for both parties when an adoption is done.
This is a memoir, one of my favorite genres to read. I read it in 2 days and it is definitely a book that all mothers need to read. Achingly real and honest.
But I am so so glad I read! This book is honest, real and raw about the unnaturalness and complications of adoption. It raises some wonderful points of how culture needs to change in this area and that it's not just all nice and happy for both parties when an adoption is done.
This is a memoir, one of my favorite genres to read. I read it in 2 days and it is definitely a book that all mothers need to read. Achingly real and honest.
February 12, 2021
Oh my goodness this story is so meaningful and useful and RELEVANT!!! I LOVED the grandmother! Respected the Farrell’s. And thought the world of the brother. Jan relayed perfectly the strongholds on genetics and paternity, and the historical trend of what young (unmarried) girls of the yesteryears who got pregnant dealt with. Like how many times have we met a woman who openly admitted to giving away a child? And yet the number of orphaned, adopted and abandoned children are staggering. Rebecca on the other hand described perfectly how children naturally want to know their birth origins, and the emotional toil they experience when learning they were ‘given away’. (More so female children). There was so much to absorb. Just too many places for deep reflection. Those letters, along with both Jan’s and Rebecca’s perspectives throughout, was a real turning point for me. I was beyond moved. Overall, ‘Giving Away Simone’ is heartfelt, genuine, powerful… and wait for it… wait for it… SPOILER ALERT: I really LOVED that ending AND afterword! Awesome. What an unforgettable story! A Must!
May 28, 2024
I struggled getting through this book, and almost DNFed it (of which would have lead to a one star review). But I always make it a point to give every book I start a chance. Jan sounds like an outright, stuck up, selfish, psychological bitch. Talking about the differences between her "'kept' children" and her "adoptee"?! No wonder Rebecca and Jan are constantly on/off. Those letters back and forth?! In no way would I wish a child to be abandoned or to never know their birthmother, but Jan should have stayed gone. And what was that entire chapter about what to call herself vs Rebecca during introductions? What's so hard about just saying "I'm her birthmother"? Jan claims that it would always lead to a long-drawn out explanation, but it really isn't that big of a deal compared to how she made it out to be.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 1, 2020
After young Jan puts her baby up for adoption, because she is just a kid herself, she often finds herself wondering how her daughter is doing. When she turns 11, she is introduced to her mom and then this story really begins. We don't often, don't think I've ever heard of what it is like to be that child or the parent and how the new relationship can be like, especially when both have needs that they aren't sure how to meet, or what is expected of them. Excellent read.
December 22, 2024
3.5, this was a very well written book had lots of big words. I felt bad for what Jan went through as an unwed pregnant teenager. But I first read “Surviving the white gaze”by her daughter Rebecca. So I had to do some digging to find this book her birth mother Jan wrote. Feel bad for Rebecca more though.
March 1, 2017
This book really deals with some hard issues, not only the pain of relinquishing a baby for adoption and the struggles that follow, but it also deals very honestly with mother loss issues. It's very well written and very straight forward in looking at painful issues and personal weaknesses.
March 19, 2022
I read this after reading her birthdaughter’s book. I wanted to hear more from Jan but what I was reading felt like a sociology research paper except it was her real life. I was not satisfied.
May 2, 2012
This is an exceptional book both in terms of content as well as the emotions shared. Written by Jan L. Waldron, editor of the magazine NEW HAMPSHIRE PROFILES, it deals honestly with the reality of a birthmother's life before and after she places her daughter for adoption. Jan is the fifth generation of women in her family to surrender a child for adoption. She struggles to parse the forces that drive this disfunctional heritage.
Harsh realities of immaturity-she was only 17 when Simone was born--poverty and the lack of both an emotional and financial safety net forge Jan's decision to choose adoption.Her agonizing choice exacted a huge emotional pricetag for both birthmother and her birthdaughter.
The story continues to explore the emotion-charged relationship between Waldron and her birthdaughter when they reestablish a relationship 11 years after Simone was adopted.A a time when preteens begin to pushback against parental control, Simone/Rebecca tries to mold her birthmother into the perfect parent of her fantasies with predictable, unsatisfactory results.
This book is not for the faint of heart as it exposes the harsh emotional costs for members of the adoption triad. As an adoptive mom of two now-adult children, I was mesmerized and ached in empathy for both adoptee and birthmother. Adoption is complicated and has its roots in loss and adoptees struggle to reconfigure their dual heritages. Throughout their journey lies an underlaying knowledge that they were rejected.
This is an exceptional book that will linger in your thoughts. Compassion and empathy will replace judgment.
Harsh realities of immaturity-she was only 17 when Simone was born--poverty and the lack of both an emotional and financial safety net forge Jan's decision to choose adoption.Her agonizing choice exacted a huge emotional pricetag for both birthmother and her birthdaughter.
The story continues to explore the emotion-charged relationship between Waldron and her birthdaughter when they reestablish a relationship 11 years after Simone was adopted.A a time when preteens begin to pushback against parental control, Simone/Rebecca tries to mold her birthmother into the perfect parent of her fantasies with predictable, unsatisfactory results.
This book is not for the faint of heart as it exposes the harsh emotional costs for members of the adoption triad. As an adoptive mom of two now-adult children, I was mesmerized and ached in empathy for both adoptee and birthmother. Adoption is complicated and has its roots in loss and adoptees struggle to reconfigure their dual heritages. Throughout their journey lies an underlaying knowledge that they were rejected.
This is an exceptional book that will linger in your thoughts. Compassion and empathy will replace judgment.
March 25, 2008
The complexities of race, family history, adoption issues, and mother daughter relations come together in this short memoir. The author gave her daughter up for adoption in 1969 and initiates contact with her 11 years later. Ms. Waldron writes AMA ZINGLY well, I had a hard time putting it down. I am fascinated by the subject of adoption, and this is one of the first books I’ve read on the subject of domestic biracial adoption. I was not disappointed.
January 28, 2009
A story about several generations of adoption and nature vs. nurture.
October 11, 2010
Written by a high school classmate of mine - very moving...
June 15, 2015
This was a down to earth, from the heart story of a mother's experience of giving up her daughter for adoption. She had little experience in how to mother, or how to live her life.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews