The Purpose of Boys: Helping Our Sons Find Meaning, Significance, and Direction in Their Lives

by Michael Gurian

The final and conclusive book in the groundbreaking series on boys and their development In this climax to his series of landmark books about boys, Michael Gurian offers a powerful new program to help us give our sons a core purpose–a program based on building morality, character, career goals, the ability to form intimate relationships, selflessness, personal and community responsibility, and an accelerated process of developmental maturity. Gurian reveals how important purpose is for the success and happiness of boys and explains how a boy's core personality, nature, and genetic predisposition functions to create both strengths and weaknesses in their journey towards maturity.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Education, Relationships

Paperback

About the author

Michael Gurian is an American author and social philosopher. He works as a marriage and family counselor and corporate consultant. He has published twenty-eight books, several of which were New York Times bestseller list bestsellers. He is considered, along with Leonard Sax, as one of the major proponents of the post-modern "single-sex academic classes" movement.
Gurian taught at Gonzaga University, Eastern Washington University, and Ankara University. His work tends to focus on sex differences and how they contribute to learning.
He is also a co-founder of the Gurian Institute, which trains professionals who deal with the developmental aspects of childhood. The Gurian Institute has trained more than 60,000 teachers from over 2,000 different schools. Some of these schools become "GI Model Schools" and aim to leverage the role gender plays in learning styles.

Reviews

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I told my husband he HAS to read this book. The main point of the book is that too many boys are growing up without finding a purpose for their life. The author offers lots (perhaps too much) of brain science to explain what boys truly need and how we can help them grow up with a purpose. Also explained is why boys need men in their lives as teachers, coaches, scout leaders, & mentors as well as fathers. One of my favorite parts is about why computer game & tv time needs to be limited. It explains it in a way that even my game-addict husband can understand (hopefully!). Another thing I liked was the lists of questions to ask your boy at different stages of growing up.

I think this book is a must-read for parents of boys and anyone who works with boys as a teacher, leader, or coach.

[Rick · Rating 3 out of 5]

Being a father of three daugthers, but one who works with young men in the Scouting program, I bought this book in hopes of understanding a bit more about the young men I work with. I found much in the first half of the book to reinforce my concerns about the development of young men into responsible adults in our society. In the book, I found a few ideas that may help me in my work with these young men. Additionally, I thought many of the author's ideas (for example his sections on video games, screen time, etc.) apply equally well to girls. One of my favorite parts was his discussion of how video games create a false sense of accomplishment by stimulating the release of certain brain chemicals when the player beats a level in the game, when in fact the player has accomplished nothing real. A reasonably good book, much more interesting to me in the early chapters, as I had to work through the last chapters to finish this one.

[Steph · Rating 2 out of 5]

Argh, no. I have a four-year-old daughter with a baby boy due soon so I thought I’d get a head-start by reading about how to best parent boys, but in retrospect I don’t think the “[boys] are from Mars, [girls] are from Venus” approach is helpful. Most of what’s in here is good advice for parenting young people of all genders, and other bits are rubbish (like referring to girls as “aggressive” if they try to initiate sex with a boy... FFS).

I’m starting to think the only parenting books needed are those by Daniel Siegel and by Elaine & Adele Faber (ok and maybe Robin Barker for the basics). We don’t need binary essentialism or biological determinism in parenting.

[Erika · Rating 4 out of 5]

A useful resource in helping one discern how to guide boys toward their purpose physically, spiritually, intellectually and emotionally. Found it to be full of inspiring information and recommend it to anyone who is raising or working with boys. Will go back to this again in a few years!

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book to read. I didn't exactly like all of it, but it has some great sections of questions to engage your boys in important conversations with.

[V B · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one I wouuld buy and keep around for re-reading. My sister-in-law and I talk a lot about men and boys and what they need, what makes them who they are. Great book.

[Jeff Halstead · Rating 4 out of 5]

For educators concerned about how boys fare in our school system, this is a very insightful book.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting in the biological examination of boys brains, but it fell flat as far as providing practical applications of how to assist my nine year old son in navigating his preteen years.

[Joanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Based on the radical (in today’s world) premise that male and female brains are different and develop in a few unique ways/timelines, this book lays out a motivating desire for men: purpose. Especially purpose that defines what a good and useful life is. There’s lots of psychology and practical advice here, and I’m glad I read it now when my son is young but already at the start of seeking ways to understand himself (though he would never articulate it of course).

[Colin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Anyone who is raising boys can gain some insight from reading this book. This is one of several I have read over the years, so some of the themes are familiar to me. There is a crisis for boys, the numbers don't lie. Having grown up without a dad I feel challenged to give it thought as my boys enter adolescence.

[Erik Bishoff · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found "The Purpose of Boys" to be a very relevant and timely read. Millennial boys are succeeding at a much lower rate than their female counterparts regardless of opportunity and socio-economic background. The statistics are troubling.

Author Michael Gurian does an expert job explaining where, socially, things started going wrong for our boys and young men and follows up with relevant stories and statistics to explain what the current situation is. Most importantly, he provides the reader with an abundance of real-world solutions that are usable by most anyone; parent, educator, or religious leader.

I will be using the information in this book to advocate for advancing public school programs to better address the needs of boys. One of the first steps has been to help parents and educators understand that there is a more immediate and acute problem than they may realize. Knowing real statistics that, for instance, for every 100 girls expelled from school 335 boys are expelled, is a powerful tool that Guarian's book provides.

I will also be using the information in this book to provide for the needs of my own pre-teen son. There are some wonderful examples of conversations-starters and questions to ask myself and my son to understand what his individual needs might be. "Son, what brings you the most joy in life," and "What is most stressful or desperate in your life right now," or just "How do you want to help people?" are a few examples of things we forget to discuss.

I typically don't give five-star reviews but, mostly due to the urgency of the topic, this book comes close. The only thing I struggled with was that there was a good deal of redundancy toward the end of the book. I would suggest using this book more as a text book or reference book than a cover-to-cover read focusing on the chapters and statistics that are most relevant to you.

[Don Gubler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good information here. It is redundant at times and plodding.

[Lawrence Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good insight into nature of boys and how to help them get thru adolescence.

[Sarah Shiley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mostly secular book (other than some stories from the Jewish/old Christian bible) on trying to help boys find meaning in life.

[Candice Bergmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read for parents of boys. Learned a lot!

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked the first four chapters of this book. The information about how boys develop and why, what process they are going through, what is important in their lives in terms of internal psychology, how to help guide them in life, all this was very informative and helpful information. But once the book moved into the more nuts and bolts of how to create the right environment for the boys, I lost interest. (Doesn't that sound horrible!)
So I stopped reading at chapter 7. But for anyone who is trying to raise a boy, I would still recommend this book if only for the first 4 chapters. And who knows, you may find the rest of the book much more helpful than I did.

[Arlene · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got some good pointers (mainly about adolescence). I can really use this information for both my children.

There is something in this book for everyone.

I found that this was more directed to single mothers. Great idea on finding male mentors/support for a boy.

I skipped through the book but what I read was worth it.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the mother of 2 girls and 1 boy and a female myself who intuitively understands girls not boys, I really wanted to understand my son better and what makes him tick. This book gave me some really good insight and parenting advice. I highly recommend it to mothers of sons.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has a lot of really great ideas for helping your boys find their purpose in life. A lot of questions that I will be copying down to use for the future in helping my four boys find their purpose. Very highly recommended

[Mckaye · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I liked this book, I'll have to remember it when we get closer to the pre-teen years!

[Rebekah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Life changing. Great questions to ask boys. So grateful we have an awesome community of mentors/leaders/friends for 5 sons.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit of a disappointment, though I expect I'll continue to pick it up as the boys grow.

[DeNae · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book for anyone who works or lives with boys and young men.

[Jeremy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Essential reading for fathers or those in leadership roles for boys and young men...