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Essential Manners for Men (Emily Post) 1st (first) Edition by Post, Peter published by HarperResource
Essential Manners for Men helps men make the right decisions about what to do and say in every situation that counts. Peter Post, great-grandson of Emily Post, distills the essential information men need for all the important roles they play in life.Organized into three parts -- "Daily Life," "Social Life," and "On the Job" -- Essential Manners for Men resolves situations that can stump even the savviest. Peter Post's advice is sharp-witted and sensible, with tips, boxes, and candid anecdotes about his own etiquette blunders. Topics The most important behaviors to avoid and emulate at the gym, at work, on the golf course, at home, out with friends, at a business social event, and a child's ball gameTipping, driver's "ed-iquette," introductions, sportsmanship, and parentingSuccessfully sharing living spaces with a roommate, significant other, or spouse -- from the toilet seat to the remote control to the kitchen sinkHow to throw a great party or be the perfect guestHow to successfully navigate the business dinnerThings men do wrong that make women wince, and things men do right that women loveThe five-step process to resolve any situation where there is no etiquette "rule" Short and shoot-from-the-hip honest, Essential Manners for Men is a book no man can afford to be without.
Hardcover
First published November 1, 2003
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About the author
Peter Post
8 books8 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Peter Post, Emily Post's great-grandson, writes the "Etiquette at Work" column for the Sunday edition of The Boston Globe. He is the author of the best-selling book Essential Manners for Men, Essential Manners for Couples and co-authored The Etiquette Advantage in Business, which is in its second edition.
Peter Post, Emily Post's great-grandson, writes the "Etiquette at Work" column for the Sunday edition of The Boston Globe. He is the author of the best-selling book Essential Manners for Men, Essential Manners for Couples and co-authored The Etiquette Advantage in Business, which is in its second edition.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 66 reviews
August 21, 2011
There's a strange dynamic at play in Peter Post's Essential Manners for Men. On the one hand, Post regularly calls on his readers to follow the essential manners. However, in this postmodern, globalized age, is anything "essential?" Perhaps not, but Post maintains that we should be considerate by remaining aware of social guidelines for behavior.
Still, I found it problematic that Post calls on us to be considerate, not because it's right, but rather because it can cost us if we are not. Isn't it crass to apply the logic of the marketplace to manners?
Post points out that if we break the rules in front of our clients, they are free to "take their business elsewhere, for whatever reason" -- including bad manners. I imagine this argument is stated at greater length in Post's other book, The Etiquette Advantage in Business.
This argument becomes more troublesome when Post begins to discuss male-female relationships. Though not directly stated, Post regularly organizes his call to action around the notion that women are free to "take their business elsewhere, for whatever reason." And you can bet that includes bad manners. It seems like bad manners to outline relationships using business analogies, though I'll admit that I'm not an expert.
Crass or not, I wonder how important -- and how uniform -- etiquette really is to women. For one thing, it's clear that the majority of the complaints Post shares come from women that live with their partner. I think it's fair to say that "business," to use the parlance of Post's book, is being transacted.
At best, what Post's complaints reveal is the way that we tend to focus on the negative. We tend to nitpick our partners for their faults rather than commending them for their achievements. Is that impolite?
Post regularly relies on the notion that men have poor etiquette and women tend to be better, and more traditionally, mannered. I'm not saying this isn't true. It may well be true. Still, the pictures at the start of every chapter hearken back to the Jazz Age, suggesting that those were the days when men were "men," which also implies that those were the days when women were "women." I found myself wondering whether women are today generally better mannered than their male counterparts. Perhaps it is the gentleman's responsibility to argue that women are better mannered.
To make his arguments, Post relies on a poll conducted by the Emily Post Institute, and he often shares his "shocking" results. However, I couldn't help recalling Homer Simpson's famous claim that "statistics can be used to prove anything. 14% of people know that," particularly when I came across Post's argument that we (men) should modify our behavior because "one in seven women" disapprove of X and Y. Is one in seven really a persuasive statistic, or does it just sound like it should be? At other times, Post is on firmer ground, citing an 88% disapproval rating on this or that, but few of these results come as surprises. Don't we already read enough articles about putting down the toilet seat (and other mundane pet peeves) in the "Life" section of the newspaper?
Finally, Post's comments on public displays of affection had me laughing out loud. In a world of "sexting," Post worries about people kissing in public -- anything beyond a public peck is too much. Of course, "more than a peck" might be acceptable in Europe, Post suggests, where apparently "anything" goes -- especially in Italy and France.
So why bother reading Essential Manners for Men? After all, aren't the people most in need of a book on etiquette the ones that are least likely to read it? We are human beings and we make mistakes everyday. Certainly I do. So I'm always happy to return to the rule book, even if Essential Manners for Men wasn't the most impressive set of rules I've encountered.
Nevertheless, I wish I'd read this book, or perhaps a book like this but that doesn't ground its principles in cost/ benefits analysis, when I was 13, rather than in my late 20s.
Still, I found it problematic that Post calls on us to be considerate, not because it's right, but rather because it can cost us if we are not. Isn't it crass to apply the logic of the marketplace to manners?
Post points out that if we break the rules in front of our clients, they are free to "take their business elsewhere, for whatever reason" -- including bad manners. I imagine this argument is stated at greater length in Post's other book, The Etiquette Advantage in Business.
This argument becomes more troublesome when Post begins to discuss male-female relationships. Though not directly stated, Post regularly organizes his call to action around the notion that women are free to "take their business elsewhere, for whatever reason." And you can bet that includes bad manners. It seems like bad manners to outline relationships using business analogies, though I'll admit that I'm not an expert.
Crass or not, I wonder how important -- and how uniform -- etiquette really is to women. For one thing, it's clear that the majority of the complaints Post shares come from women that live with their partner. I think it's fair to say that "business," to use the parlance of Post's book, is being transacted.
At best, what Post's complaints reveal is the way that we tend to focus on the negative. We tend to nitpick our partners for their faults rather than commending them for their achievements. Is that impolite?
Post regularly relies on the notion that men have poor etiquette and women tend to be better, and more traditionally, mannered. I'm not saying this isn't true. It may well be true. Still, the pictures at the start of every chapter hearken back to the Jazz Age, suggesting that those were the days when men were "men," which also implies that those were the days when women were "women." I found myself wondering whether women are today generally better mannered than their male counterparts. Perhaps it is the gentleman's responsibility to argue that women are better mannered.
To make his arguments, Post relies on a poll conducted by the Emily Post Institute, and he often shares his "shocking" results. However, I couldn't help recalling Homer Simpson's famous claim that "statistics can be used to prove anything. 14% of people know that," particularly when I came across Post's argument that we (men) should modify our behavior because "one in seven women" disapprove of X and Y. Is one in seven really a persuasive statistic, or does it just sound like it should be? At other times, Post is on firmer ground, citing an 88% disapproval rating on this or that, but few of these results come as surprises. Don't we already read enough articles about putting down the toilet seat (and other mundane pet peeves) in the "Life" section of the newspaper?
Finally, Post's comments on public displays of affection had me laughing out loud. In a world of "sexting," Post worries about people kissing in public -- anything beyond a public peck is too much. Of course, "more than a peck" might be acceptable in Europe, Post suggests, where apparently "anything" goes -- especially in Italy and France.
So why bother reading Essential Manners for Men? After all, aren't the people most in need of a book on etiquette the ones that are least likely to read it? We are human beings and we make mistakes everyday. Certainly I do. So I'm always happy to return to the rule book, even if Essential Manners for Men wasn't the most impressive set of rules I've encountered.
Nevertheless, I wish I'd read this book, or perhaps a book like this but that doesn't ground its principles in cost/ benefits analysis, when I was 13, rather than in my late 20s.
September 10, 2013
“Essential Manners for Men” is written for sitcom husbands. That guy who is in his underwear drinking beer and won’t switch the channel because he loves football so much! *audience in the studio piss themselves LAUGHING* The subtitle of this book is “What to Do, When to Do It, and Why”. I was especially interested in the why, because it sounds interesting. Why should we do some of the things we are expected to do? As it turns out, the answer to the why is basically, because its respectable or because women love it. That’s basically it. I was hoping for some real, logical reason. For example, we are expected to hold doors for women, but maybe the why for it was that women had the tendency to smash right into doors due to their biologically proven weak visions.
That would have been interesting. But no. You have to hold doors because its expected.
The author is somehow stuck in the 50s and yet tries to be ultra-modern by telling us to listen to women and his 70 year old man’s hip advice on video games and SMS.
The book is supposed to be based on hard research, which is basically their institute’s shitty surveys on what women want. The thing is, women don’t know what they want. I’m not saying that men do, but women specially do not. We’re all idiots really, not much changed from our six year old self who’s wish is to eat all the candy they can get their hands on and then after our stomach hurts, realizing it wasn’t such a neat idea after all.
I’ll try to explain this by something from the book. The book has full of quotes from their survey to back up their shitty advice, but look at this great quote,
“Many workplaces may still be a ‘man’s domain’ but that doesn’t excuse you to treat women like second-class citizens. Whether you’re the CEO or the janitor, you’ll get a dazzling smile if you hold the door as you walk through or offer any other professional courtesy you’d offer to a man in the workplace. Not asking for more-just the same.”
Everything that is wrong with man-woman relationship in our generation is in that quote! If you are a woman and are reading that sentence and are thinking, “Huh? I don’t get it, that’s a perfectly fine sentiment” then you are part of the problem! You BITCH!
How can you ask us to hold the door for you as you walk through and then talk about not wanting more, just the same? Are you holding the doors for us? Are you incapable of opening the fucking door and you need a strong Tarzan to do it for you? If door handling is such an important thing for you, fine, I’ll open every door so none of you ever have to come in conduct with a door handle again, but please don’t ask me to treat you like my male buddies, who are perfectly capable of interacting with doors without the need for a third-party person to do it for them.
The female gender needs to figure out what the fuck they want. You want special treatment or similar treatment. Similar treatment is how men treat each other and that means not holding chairs for each other and not going into a mental breakdown due to toilet seat status.
That would have been interesting. But no. You have to hold doors because its expected.
The author is somehow stuck in the 50s and yet tries to be ultra-modern by telling us to listen to women and his 70 year old man’s hip advice on video games and SMS.
The book is supposed to be based on hard research, which is basically their institute’s shitty surveys on what women want. The thing is, women don’t know what they want. I’m not saying that men do, but women specially do not. We’re all idiots really, not much changed from our six year old self who’s wish is to eat all the candy they can get their hands on and then after our stomach hurts, realizing it wasn’t such a neat idea after all.
I’ll try to explain this by something from the book. The book has full of quotes from their survey to back up their shitty advice, but look at this great quote,
“Many workplaces may still be a ‘man’s domain’ but that doesn’t excuse you to treat women like second-class citizens. Whether you’re the CEO or the janitor, you’ll get a dazzling smile if you hold the door as you walk through or offer any other professional courtesy you’d offer to a man in the workplace. Not asking for more-just the same.”
Everything that is wrong with man-woman relationship in our generation is in that quote! If you are a woman and are reading that sentence and are thinking, “Huh? I don’t get it, that’s a perfectly fine sentiment” then you are part of the problem! You BITCH!
How can you ask us to hold the door for you as you walk through and then talk about not wanting more, just the same? Are you holding the doors for us? Are you incapable of opening the fucking door and you need a strong Tarzan to do it for you? If door handling is such an important thing for you, fine, I’ll open every door so none of you ever have to come in conduct with a door handle again, but please don’t ask me to treat you like my male buddies, who are perfectly capable of interacting with doors without the need for a third-party person to do it for them.
The female gender needs to figure out what the fuck they want. You want special treatment or similar treatment. Similar treatment is how men treat each other and that means not holding chairs for each other and not going into a mental breakdown due to toilet seat status.
December 7, 2011
This is written for every man who will not read it. It's for the obtuse public nut scratcher / adjuster that irritates all of the women in the world who are perfectly mannered.
I was hoping for a more timely set of topics like smartphone use, outdated practices (door holding, etc).
I was hoping for a more timely set of topics like smartphone use, outdated practices (door holding, etc).
March 27, 2015
Ok fine. I read this book in order to make fun of it. The thought that this book exists, that someone thought it necessary to create a book for manners, makes me laugh.
See, I feel like theres a fine line between actual kindness and manners. Having manners doesn't equal being a kind and considerate person.
I'm also annoyed by how the reason to do stuff for women was to pick them up. You do stuff to impress women. That seems a bit sexist.
The whole theories about women in the work force as well as Facebook/ mail seemed a bit outdated. I can't think of anyone sending mail nowadays.
I am a woman and I open doors for men. It's a matter of comfort. Of course i know everyone can open doors by themselves, its just a nice thing to do. Women are capable of lifting heavy stuff and open doors and paying bills and what not.
There's also the whole stereotypical view of men and women. My brother probably has better manners than me. I tend to be more blunt and rude than him. Not all girls like the same things (dont buy me flowers). Boys aren't all overly aggressive and smelly and what not. People are not their stereotypes, especially in the world of gender.
But this book i suppose is important. It does attempt to teach something important. It's written nicely. It's very readable. I liked the tidbits that were humorous.
See, I feel like theres a fine line between actual kindness and manners. Having manners doesn't equal being a kind and considerate person.
I'm also annoyed by how the reason to do stuff for women was to pick them up. You do stuff to impress women. That seems a bit sexist.
The whole theories about women in the work force as well as Facebook/ mail seemed a bit outdated. I can't think of anyone sending mail nowadays.
I am a woman and I open doors for men. It's a matter of comfort. Of course i know everyone can open doors by themselves, its just a nice thing to do. Women are capable of lifting heavy stuff and open doors and paying bills and what not.
There's also the whole stereotypical view of men and women. My brother probably has better manners than me. I tend to be more blunt and rude than him. Not all girls like the same things (dont buy me flowers). Boys aren't all overly aggressive and smelly and what not. People are not their stereotypes, especially in the world of gender.
But this book i suppose is important. It does attempt to teach something important. It's written nicely. It's very readable. I liked the tidbits that were humorous.
November 4, 2012
I really, thoroughly enjoyed reading this book! Although I am a woman, I still gained quite a bit of insight as to how to act towards people from reading this "Men's" book. I'm incredibly interested in going back and reading more from the Emily Post Institute, and I even look forward to it!
This book is insightful for anyone who is interested in human behaviors, any age. The writing style was not as text-book style as one would assume from the title. The author's personal tales and views of how people interact made the book feel more like I was having a conversation with Mr. Post right then and there!
-Sara Piant
This book is insightful for anyone who is interested in human behaviors, any age. The writing style was not as text-book style as one would assume from the title. The author's personal tales and views of how people interact made the book feel more like I was having a conversation with Mr. Post right then and there!
-Sara Piant
April 29, 2014
I have never gone to an "American, read White, Christian" wedding before. I would assume its the same as any other wedding, and therefore, I would cautiously attend, though I would feel awkward and out of place not knowing what exactly is going on and what expectations there might be of me. Watching TV you can pick up on so much of whats acceptable, however, given that there are so many variations its hard to find a safe norm. I am sure if White Christians tried to apply these normal standards of behavior to say a South Indian Jain wedding, they would create problems for themselves. Its safer to have some standard norms to go with, and for me, Mr. Post helps provide a reference point for those daily interactions and special occasions.
The book, I expected, was going to be a very long bullet list. However, it was not the case. The organization of the book kept the reading easy and quick and makes it easy for me to reference in the future quickly when the need arises. Its not an all together complicated book, after I read things I felt that they were common sense sort of ideas.
However, I think thats where the genius of the book lies. What I would consider as being common sense in a wedding situation, is in fact not. Being an immigrant that was raised in the US, I had the unique opportunity to exist in two separate cultures and create my own unique culture from the best of both of the cultures I came in contact with. That does not mean that I apply my own considerations to every point of contact I might make, to the contrary, I understood that I needed to know the "rules" in order to function properly in whatever environment I might be in. Thats why this book was a great read, it gives me some clear cut answers to things that I might be muddled about.
Finally, I am not sure that I liked the structure of the book being based around this survey that is referenced throughout. While the survey forms the outline for the contents of the book, I fear with each subsequent survey the focus of the book will have to change, therefore, my copy is not as "timeless" as I would hope it to be. But then again we live in a "post-modern" society, where everything is deconstructed, so what is the use of this book anyway?
It goes back to my personal experience of having to navigate cultures. Being capable of successfully navigating cultures, or having a cultural IQ, is critical to a man's future given the pace of globalization. in any cultural exchange the concepts of consideration, honesty and respect that are the underpinning of manners and etiquette apply. Here Post does a wonderful job in conveying the "why" of certain manners through anecdotes and through the survey.
The book, I expected, was going to be a very long bullet list. However, it was not the case. The organization of the book kept the reading easy and quick and makes it easy for me to reference in the future quickly when the need arises. Its not an all together complicated book, after I read things I felt that they were common sense sort of ideas.
However, I think thats where the genius of the book lies. What I would consider as being common sense in a wedding situation, is in fact not. Being an immigrant that was raised in the US, I had the unique opportunity to exist in two separate cultures and create my own unique culture from the best of both of the cultures I came in contact with. That does not mean that I apply my own considerations to every point of contact I might make, to the contrary, I understood that I needed to know the "rules" in order to function properly in whatever environment I might be in. Thats why this book was a great read, it gives me some clear cut answers to things that I might be muddled about.
Finally, I am not sure that I liked the structure of the book being based around this survey that is referenced throughout. While the survey forms the outline for the contents of the book, I fear with each subsequent survey the focus of the book will have to change, therefore, my copy is not as "timeless" as I would hope it to be. But then again we live in a "post-modern" society, where everything is deconstructed, so what is the use of this book anyway?
It goes back to my personal experience of having to navigate cultures. Being capable of successfully navigating cultures, or having a cultural IQ, is critical to a man's future given the pace of globalization. in any cultural exchange the concepts of consideration, honesty and respect that are the underpinning of manners and etiquette apply. Here Post does a wonderful job in conveying the "why" of certain manners through anecdotes and through the survey.
September 25, 2012
This was not a surprising book in its contents, but it was quick and interesting. Some reiterations that I think everyone can bear to be reminded of:
* Etiquette is no more than Consideration, Respect, and Honesty for the other person. It is a social pattern that developed over centuries because it works to help people get along. When you act with etiquette, it gives the other person more trust in you, and in you more confidence.
* When you interrupt someone, you are cutting that person off at the knees. Don't ever do it. Apologize if you do.
* Be on time (in America and some other countries).
* Talk slowly and use eye contact.
* Introduce others in the most important to least important order.
* Remember names.
* Stand when meeting someone else, or if your dinner companion stands up at the table.
* Stand up for the other guy and refuse to make deprecating conversations. Defend the honor of their significant other, date, or friend. Refuse to engage with men being juvenile. Show respect for different viewpoints.
* Refuse to fight or argue. Let an intense debate be for one on one, not subjecting others to listen to it where they may disagree.
* Be appreciative and attentive. Hold coats, elevators, doors and chairs for women. Carry packages and things.
* Take pride in your appearance.
* Foul language is not necessary.
* Smile. When walking around have a pleasant look on your face, even if stressed out inside.
* Do etiquette for all, not just to impress certain people.
* Etiquette is no more than Consideration, Respect, and Honesty for the other person. It is a social pattern that developed over centuries because it works to help people get along. When you act with etiquette, it gives the other person more trust in you, and in you more confidence.
* When you interrupt someone, you are cutting that person off at the knees. Don't ever do it. Apologize if you do.
* Be on time (in America and some other countries).
* Talk slowly and use eye contact.
* Introduce others in the most important to least important order.
* Remember names.
* Stand when meeting someone else, or if your dinner companion stands up at the table.
* Stand up for the other guy and refuse to make deprecating conversations. Defend the honor of their significant other, date, or friend. Refuse to engage with men being juvenile. Show respect for different viewpoints.
* Refuse to fight or argue. Let an intense debate be for one on one, not subjecting others to listen to it where they may disagree.
* Be appreciative and attentive. Hold coats, elevators, doors and chairs for women. Carry packages and things.
* Take pride in your appearance.
* Foul language is not necessary.
* Smile. When walking around have a pleasant look on your face, even if stressed out inside.
* Do etiquette for all, not just to impress certain people.
January 4, 2015
A must read for any man who wants to improve in his daily, social, and work life. The three principles of etiquette are consideration, respect and honesty.
He teaches me that:
"We don't do these things to get anything in return - we do them because we believe in their inherent value."
Through our manners there is "A terrific opportunity to do things right, thus pleasing and impressing those you're with."
"These gestures are the mark of a man who is aware and respectful of the people around him."
I hope to exercise these practices daily in order to show the ones I love that I appreciate them and value them. To be caring and aware of how my actions affect all the people around me including strangers and impressionable children. It is our responsibility to improve the world we live in and the first start is essential manner.
He teaches me that:
"We don't do these things to get anything in return - we do them because we believe in their inherent value."
Through our manners there is "A terrific opportunity to do things right, thus pleasing and impressing those you're with."
"These gestures are the mark of a man who is aware and respectful of the people around him."
I hope to exercise these practices daily in order to show the ones I love that I appreciate them and value them. To be caring and aware of how my actions affect all the people around me including strangers and impressionable children. It is our responsibility to improve the world we live in and the first start is essential manner.
January 14, 2009
An etiquette book for guys? C'mon.
Right off the bat, Peter Post, great-grandson of etiquette guru Emily Post, lets his readers know that the book explains how to be considerate and that etiquette need not be something that guys automatically dismiss.
Post offers both the rules of etiquette and the all important why the rules exist. Guys, this will save you many unnecessary arguments and lectures, and will improve the way you are perceived by your partners. Ladies, this will help your partners be more mindful and appreciative of you and all that you do.
Beyond that, it's a great book for social rules, table manners, business lunches, interviews, etc.
Right off the bat, Peter Post, great-grandson of etiquette guru Emily Post, lets his readers know that the book explains how to be considerate and that etiquette need not be something that guys automatically dismiss.
Post offers both the rules of etiquette and the all important why the rules exist. Guys, this will save you many unnecessary arguments and lectures, and will improve the way you are perceived by your partners. Ladies, this will help your partners be more mindful and appreciative of you and all that you do.
Beyond that, it's a great book for social rules, table manners, business lunches, interviews, etc.
June 16, 2009
This book is helpful enough that you should buy a copy and expect to refer to it occasionally. Where it helped me the most is the etiquette of tipping. On one of my last dates, I was annoyed at the waiter's insufficiently attentive service, so I wanted to withhold any tip. My date insisted I tip him just because of servers' negligible pay. I did what she wanted, and eventually learned from this book that I was wrong and she was right; waiters and other people giving service should be tipped something whether they give good service or not, and the well-mannered response to poor service is to give a smaller tip.
September 12, 2017
Well intentioned, but pointless. Men who don't know by now that they should be holding doors for others and should refrain from belching in public aren't the type of men who typically read for pleasure. Much of the advice comes off as outdated at best, and misogynistic at worst. I finished it because it was quick and easy, but didn't gain anything from it and wish I hadn't wasted my time.
December 27, 2012
This book is NOT suppose to entertain, and yet I found it very entertaining. Post delves into situations and things that I would never this of. The bottom line is to be the one to make everyone at ease - - but we sometimes do not know how to go about that. This was a very nice book.
November 1, 2021
Books like this are needed in today's society. Social conduct has rules. They may not be codified, but the rules are there. Unfortunately, the people reading this review may not need this book whereas those who don't read much desperately do. You see it everywhere today. American society is in decline and our manners, behavior, grooming standards, and personal appearance are showing it.
I was taught the basic manners and courtesies by my parents as a child. When I went through military Officer Indoctrination School, the crash course on social etiquette (we called it "Fork and Knife School") was eye-opening. The course made a big impression upon me the importance of all the quirky, odd, confusing, and mandatory rules for social etiquette we were learning via the old-school East Coast or New England approach. Becoming a military officer and gentleman transformed me and this book, with necessary effort and due diligence on your part, can help change your life as well.
This book is broken down into 3 basic sections:
Part 1: Daily Life
Part 2: Social Life
Part 3: On The Job
This 189 page (less afterword & Index) book covers elementaries of what you will need to know. Most of the things herein are common sense, but what really helps are circumstance-specific pointers such as tipping, driver's "ed-iquette", introductions, sportsmanship, and a 5-step process to resolve situations where there is no etiquette rule.
Its concepts are invaluable, up to date, relevant, and most of them are simple enough that you will not forget these essential principles:
- They help you earn respect by showing respect.
- They charm your personality.
- They enhance personal relationships.
- They increase confidence.
- They make things progress much easier.
- They keep you motivated and happy.
- They impart strength to digest failure.
All told, a very well written and concise primer for every man. I think that this would make an exceptionally good gift for a boy entering his teens. These are some of the skills by which a man advances socially, is judged, and remembered. This book will polish your skills and make a more polite, palatable, and desirable man out of you. Fact: The world (especially women) love and seek men with polished, impeccable manners.
Excellent manners are NOT classist, uppity, snooty, or even pretentious. They serve the purpose of establishing and maintaining high standards for proper, formal and informal social conduct in all our personal interactions with others and allow everyone to have an enjoyable, pleasurable, and satisfying experience. Good manners define you as a person, while etiquette is what makes you socially preferable.
In today's world of "Beavis & Butt-Head", "Jackass", and "The Man Show", parents today should welcome this book for their sons. Learn them, use them, and pass them on.
I was taught the basic manners and courtesies by my parents as a child. When I went through military Officer Indoctrination School, the crash course on social etiquette (we called it "Fork and Knife School") was eye-opening. The course made a big impression upon me the importance of all the quirky, odd, confusing, and mandatory rules for social etiquette we were learning via the old-school East Coast or New England approach. Becoming a military officer and gentleman transformed me and this book, with necessary effort and due diligence on your part, can help change your life as well.
This book is broken down into 3 basic sections:
Part 1: Daily Life
Part 2: Social Life
Part 3: On The Job
This 189 page (less afterword & Index) book covers elementaries of what you will need to know. Most of the things herein are common sense, but what really helps are circumstance-specific pointers such as tipping, driver's "ed-iquette", introductions, sportsmanship, and a 5-step process to resolve situations where there is no etiquette rule.
Its concepts are invaluable, up to date, relevant, and most of them are simple enough that you will not forget these essential principles:
- They help you earn respect by showing respect.
- They charm your personality.
- They enhance personal relationships.
- They increase confidence.
- They make things progress much easier.
- They keep you motivated and happy.
- They impart strength to digest failure.
All told, a very well written and concise primer for every man. I think that this would make an exceptionally good gift for a boy entering his teens. These are some of the skills by which a man advances socially, is judged, and remembered. This book will polish your skills and make a more polite, palatable, and desirable man out of you. Fact: The world (especially women) love and seek men with polished, impeccable manners.
Excellent manners are NOT classist, uppity, snooty, or even pretentious. They serve the purpose of establishing and maintaining high standards for proper, formal and informal social conduct in all our personal interactions with others and allow everyone to have an enjoyable, pleasurable, and satisfying experience. Good manners define you as a person, while etiquette is what makes you socially preferable.
In today's world of "Beavis & Butt-Head", "Jackass", and "The Man Show", parents today should welcome this book for their sons. Learn them, use them, and pass them on.
June 15, 2021
The main point of the book, that we should try, within reason, to accommodate those with whom we interact, and try not to intentionally offend, is solid. But there is zero acknowledgement that a habit of deference to others enables bad behavior in abusers and users. Worse, there is not even a nod to the idea that we should insist on our own place in this world and not allow ourselves to be walked on.
Rather, this book is filled with an insistence that one should lose all sense of self in deference for the sensitivities of the lowest common denominator, which weakens a soul, undermines a sense of identity, and dissolves the spine, resulting in weak men afraid of even the shadow of offense.
Further, the content feels largely outdated and in need of refurbishment, even though it was only written 18 years ago.
Finally, I would strongly recommend that men who are in an actively abusive relationship, or who have been abused and are still struggling to rebuild their sense of self and personal identity, put this book on the shelf until you have reclaimed your individuality and power and can approach this advice in a healthy way, and not view it as simply one more insistence that you subject yourself to the abusive whims of the users in this world.
Within a healthy community of respectful people, this advice is mostly excellent. Sadly, too much of the world we have to negotiate every day in 2021 is hostile and fractured and uncooperative, and this advice may merely turn the reader into an unnecessary victim.
Rather, this book is filled with an insistence that one should lose all sense of self in deference for the sensitivities of the lowest common denominator, which weakens a soul, undermines a sense of identity, and dissolves the spine, resulting in weak men afraid of even the shadow of offense.
Further, the content feels largely outdated and in need of refurbishment, even though it was only written 18 years ago.
Finally, I would strongly recommend that men who are in an actively abusive relationship, or who have been abused and are still struggling to rebuild their sense of self and personal identity, put this book on the shelf until you have reclaimed your individuality and power and can approach this advice in a healthy way, and not view it as simply one more insistence that you subject yourself to the abusive whims of the users in this world.
Within a healthy community of respectful people, this advice is mostly excellent. Sadly, too much of the world we have to negotiate every day in 2021 is hostile and fractured and uncooperative, and this advice may merely turn the reader into an unnecessary victim.
June 25, 2021
I went back and forth as to whether I should rate this book two or three stars. I opted for two mainly because I took offense at how the book perpetuates the perception that all men are Neanderthals and are completely clueless. For example, there is way too much emphasis on not peeing on the floor, discrete nose blowing, not farting, not burping, and making sure you put the toilet seat down. Got it. Thanks. Once the author got all of that out of the way, I focused on some of the finer points - good ways to introduce people - how to write sharp thank you notes - and some other tidbits. If I had a list of all the ideas this book conveyed, I would say probably 2% of them are somewhat insightful. Most of the rest are obvious and in some cases obnoxious. PS - many of these ideas apply to women just as much as they apply to men.
May 2, 2022
Post makes clear that "manners" are essentially another word for "consideration." The rules that he sets down have consideration as a foundation. Manners change over time, however, and he himself doesn't propose that what he suggests should be thought a universal, permanent rule. Essentially, then, the manners he expounds are examples of how to put consideration into practice. For that reason, I really like this book--it's not about memorizing what to do but learning how to figure out what to do that is nice, polite, and hospitable.
August 31, 2024
Essential Manners for Men contains a fascinating account of what a woman thinks while she is with men. There are things she expects, other things she hates, and many ways for a man to offend her.
Other parts of the book suggest ways of interacting with people that would not occur to some men. It is not so much a rewrite of "How to Win Friends and Influence People," but rather how a man can avoid behaving like an ass.
The bottom line is that this book is useless for women, but it is fun to read for a man and contains things to think about.
Other parts of the book suggest ways of interacting with people that would not occur to some men. It is not so much a rewrite of "How to Win Friends and Influence People," but rather how a man can avoid behaving like an ass.
The bottom line is that this book is useless for women, but it is fun to read for a man and contains things to think about.
December 6, 2019
A useful book on etiquette, but some of the recommendations seem outdated
I think that being well-mannered is essential for both men and women, and, as such, I decided to buy this book.
For the most part, this book satisfied my desire to learn about etiquette. However, some of the recommendations seemed to be a little outdated.
In any case, though, I would still suggest reading this book in order to think about etiquette and the principles behind it.
I think that being well-mannered is essential for both men and women, and, as such, I decided to buy this book.
For the most part, this book satisfied my desire to learn about etiquette. However, some of the recommendations seemed to be a little outdated.
In any case, though, I would still suggest reading this book in order to think about etiquette and the principles behind it.
July 7, 2024
A good book with a broad range of etiquette tips for the modern age. Doesn’t go into great depth and is obviously based on American culture but acknowledges a little the need to be aware of cultural context.
Would have been nice to include a little history or other interesting aspects of etiquette.
Also most of the information seemed fairly obvious to me and comes down to respect but perhaps others may need the advice.
Would have been nice to include a little history or other interesting aspects of etiquette.
Also most of the information seemed fairly obvious to me and comes down to respect but perhaps others may need the advice.
March 5, 2023
The tips were fairly good, but there were some woke-ish parts that were irritating. One disappointment was the discussion about the toilet seat. No mention of the LID. The seat debate is moot if there is a lid on the toilet. Put that down each time and all is well. I even checked Emily's original and there was no mention of the lid. Oh my. Just for that it loses one star.
January 2, 2022
Not really helpful for me specifically. The statements of "us men not noticing the mess we leave" and "us men having a bad habit of being lazy" and, statements of the like, were annoying and overused, and I'm sure untrue for many of us.
May 11, 2022
I liked the first part of the back that focused more on manners in social situations. The latter part, which focused on etiquette in a business environment, felt a little too specific to... "business" professional environments for my taste.
March 26, 2023
Always a good review since manners are never out of style
Good updated review. Covers a very wide range of topics, scenarios, environments, and situations.
Highlight it, then go back a few months later.
Good updated review. Covers a very wide range of topics, scenarios, environments, and situations.
Highlight it, then go back a few months later.
August 14, 2019
Nothing new, just basic common sense marketed.
October 29, 2019
Very helpful! It is a good resource to either learn proper manners or remind yourself of them. I recommend the read.
May 27, 2020
Informative.
Well written book. I recommend using this book as a reference guide and a quick read before the specific occasion.
Well written book. I recommend using this book as a reference guide and a quick read before the specific occasion.
January 14, 2022
Great insights on etiquette - lots of great takeaways
February 26, 2022
A must read for men.
June 29, 2023
Didn’t get as much out of this as I had hoped to.
August 24, 2023
Must-read for young men
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