Offbeat Bride: Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides

by Ariel Meadow Stallings

Unenthused by a white wedding gown and bored by the hoopla of the Hollywood-style reception, Ariel Meadow Stallings found herself absolutely exhausted with the nuances of traditional nuptials. So, she chose to take a walk off the beaten aisle and embrace the non-traditional bride within. Through trial and error, Ariel and her fiancée managed to crank out a budget wedding with all-night dancing, guests toasting champagne in mismatched mugs, gorgeous gardens, no monogrammed napkins, no garter, no bridesmaids, and lots of lesbians. Shortly after her 2004 matrimony, Ariel began searching for other brides whose ceremonies defied age-old tradition and reflected who they are. From there, she developed the idea for a guide for the offbeat couple.

Offbeat Bride serves as an inspiration for those who are interested in a vegan buffet, avoiding bouquet tossing, doing away with the elitist guest list and being a control freak without becoming a Bridezilla. Filled with sidebars, tips, tricks and planner encouragement (all taffeta-free) to help you figure out your special day, this book sees couples through the wedding process from ideas on how to announce their engagement to answering the question, “So, how’s married life?” and everything in between.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Marriage, Relationships, Reference, Self Help, How To

219 pages, Paperback

First published January 12, 2007

About the author

A writer and editor who got her start editing a rave magazine in the mid-'90s, Ariel Meadow Stallings work has been featured by the New York Times, Today Show, and The Guardian.

Ariel's first book, Offbeat Bride, was first published by Seal Press in 2007 (with a second edition in 2010, and a third in 2019).

Her second book, PROS BEFORE BROS, was self-published in 2019 with an audiobook version in 2021. Her third book, From Shitshow To Afterglow, was published by Seal Press / Hachette Book Group in 2020.

Ariel currently lives in Seattle with her teenage son.

Reviews

[Susie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Everyone and their mother told me to pick this book up, so I did. Here's what I thought:

Um...Process Blue was the absolute WORST choice for a spot color EVER. In all the little "Did you know?" type side-bars, the black is imperceptible on top of the blue, I felt like a grandma holding the book 1 inch from my face just so I could read about how the author gets stoned and stares at a disco ball to unwind from wedding planning.

So, the book is written with some humor, and the overall theme is "be yourself, ESPECIALLY on your wedding day" which I appreciated and want to strive for, but I actually most loved the interviewed brides stories much more than the author's.. Susan Beal in particular sounds like she had some brilliant ideas on how to *really* do things differently [she made me wish I knew other people getting married around the same time!] - I'm struggling with whether or not to keep my impossible name, so I liked reading why people did or didn't as well.

In general, I feel like I had a major dose of TMI with the author's wedding. And, I could almost feel the book judging me at times, for example, for getting married even though my gay friends have been denied this right. Or, for wanting to adhere to certain specific traditions. The father walking down the aisle chapter was kind of upsetting to me as the author goes into this whole thing about how Elektra-complex it all is [not in so many words], but "do it if you want to do it"...?!?! For a book that supposedly caters to independently-minded women, I did feel like the author was a bit condescending pretty frequently if you opt to do things in any traditional way, such as booking a block of hotels for your guests [as opposed to having them camp, or figure it out for themselves]

I don't know what I expected, and I don't think I would have picked this book up if it hadn't been so fiercely recommended to me. But, like I said, there were things I liked about it as well - the overall message is an important one - and I hear the website is a great resource, possibly because it pools from more people's experiences and ideas than just the narrative perspective of a single (and extremely opinionated) author.

[Carrie Ann · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really disliked this book and I rarely dislike a book so much I have nothing good to say about it. I have nothing good to say about this book. The problem I have id the author confuses offbeat with intentional ploys to be seen as weird, wacky, quirky and really in the end better than you. It's obnoxious and not so much offbeat but self indulgent, bratty, privileged and closed minded. She put on a spectacle, which is what a traditional wedding is too. She spent a lot of time, effort, and money on one day ... How is she different from every other bride who buys into the whole wedding industry?

[Theobroma · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the only wedding book I will ever read.

I stumbled across the eponymous website a few years back, and I have to say it changed my life. So now that I am recently engaged myself, I had to read the book that started it all. I used to be so against the whole idea of marriage and weddings, because all that I knew about it was what was represented in popular culture. Ariel Meadow Stallings and Offbeat Bride showed me that you don't HAVE to have a big foofy white wedding full of meaningless "traditions" (barf). You can do whatever the hell you want, all that has to happen is what is most important to you and the person you love.

This book isn't so much a how-to or a checklist of how to have an offbeat wedding, as a personal story and an affirmation of individuality. That was what I loved about it. Sure, there are plenty of helpful tips and bits of advice along the way, but the most enjoyable part of this book is just the story of Ariel's and her husband's own path to their wedding, having to navigate weird stereotypes and cultural expectations, and maintaining their personalities and their sanity while planning a big celebration of their love. As someone who also likes to walk off the beaten path, I found all of Ariel's views to be very refreshing. I can't even count the number of times I said "hey, yeah!" in my head while reading the book. Also, Ariel is a hilariously sassy writer. In fact, I wouldn't mind being friends with her.

Anyway, I would recommend this book not only for offbeat brides, but offbeat grooms as well. Even if you aren't planning a wedding anytime soon, this is a fun read that will also make you think, and might just knock a lot of your preconceived notions about weddings (and marriage, and cultural expectations and gender stereotypes, etc.) on their asses. In fact, I am rather hoping my fiance will read the book at some point (hint hint, cuz I know you will read this review :P )

[Kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had read this when I first started planning my wedding!

Really truly wonderful. The author is someone I wish I hung out with, but the book isn't just "here is what I thought was bullshit, and what we did differently." I mean it IS that, but it also talks about how to figure out what works for YOU. Both inspirational and instructional, and I recommend it to everyone (dudes and girls) planning a wedding -- even if you don't think it's going to be "Off-Beat," you have opinions, and this book gives you tools to back those opinions up.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is what I read to help plan my wedding instead of the usual giant, monthly tomes full of advertisements. She uses the story of how she planned her own wedding to help other, possibly more timid, possibly more disorganized brides, put the unusual wedding of their dreams together. She does offer reasonable advice for those going the non-traditional route, and she validated my decision not to use a seating chart. This received three stars because her writing was only so-so. She definitely overused the noun phrase ¨noun-whore¨ as in I'm a big blog whore, or I'm a hula-hoop whore, or I'm a photograph whore. Cute at the beginning...grating by the end.

Anyway, for those of you planning a wedding or who feel oddly fascinated by other people planning a wedding, you might enjoy this book. If a book seems like too big of a commitment for you, she also has a blog (being the blog whore that she is) to update offbeat brides in real time.

[Kristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

You need to read this book if you are getting hitched. It is hilarious and it is a book about weddings for the rest of us. Basically a former hippie raver gets engaged and has to figure out what she buys in to as far as the "wedding industrial complex" is concerned. Read a little Martha but be sure you pick up this one to keep your head on straight.
One of the best pieces of advice is about Bachelorette parties: If going to bars and drinking through penis straws is your idea of a great time than your spouse should take you out to do that each weekend, make sure you do what you want to do, there is no have to.

[Leila T. · Rating 2 out of 5]

What I liked:

a. It was mainly a memoir.

b. It was a good break from my very interesting, but quite heavy-going, book "Eleanor and Franklin".

c. It was light and humorous.

d. Easy to read.

e. I liked the creative ideas for (wedding) parties, some very meaningful and useful options.

f. It was feministy.

g. I liked that it wasn't too long.

h. It was set in Seattle, where I lived for two years, so it was a bit nostalgic.

i. It was satisfyingly detailed, so I could be a nosey-parker about someone else's life.

j. It is written by someone with quite a different personality type to me, so it was an interesting little revelation about how another kind of person thinks/acts.

k. It is unequivocally opinionated.

Things I was not so fond of:

1. Lack of editing in terms of typos (two words running together without a space); incorrect use of homophones ("pouring" instead of "poring" over magazines); needless repetition of words (apart from delicious, bitch, whore, etc., there were sentences that used the same words more than once, when it would have felt more pulled together to have used a synonym); and poor choice of sidebar (is this the right word?) colour, a blue that didn't contrast enough with the black text.

2. The repeated emphasis on how "offbeat" the author's family/self is felt weird. The feeling I got was a combination of "this is trying too hard" and "the author thinks she's better than other people".

3. No pictures.

4. "And as for those offbeat brides who lost their virginity the night of their weddings? Well, I couldn't find any of those. The virgins must lean toward more traditional ceremonies." (page 183) In the context of a book that talks about wanting to vomit when certain elements of traditional wedding ceremonies are even mentioned, a book that is repeatedly disdainful of conventional weddings to the point that you can HEAR the author roll her eyes, this sentence is pure prejudice. Maybe some people like this style of writing, but for me it is a big turn off. People with strong opinions different from mine? Yes, please. Stereotyping people and making assumptions based on prejudice? Yuck.

In this light, I was delighted to see this passage about twenty pages later, even though the author is quoting one of her interviewees: "People stopped looking at ME and put me in their 'wife box'. Frankly, I don't like people who have little categories like that. It says a lot about a person that they have rigid, stereotypical ideas about how other people should live their lives and are perfectly comfortable blurting out their offensive notions to a near-stranger." (page 204)

5. The subheading of chapter 38, "Booty, Part 1: The Honeymoon", "Nonvirgins Have WAY More Fun". With absolutely no further reference within the chapter to the status of virginity on honeymoons. See also point 2.


But it WAS a light, easy, frothy read, perfect for a weekend where I slept in, ate oatmeal and hazelnuts for brunch, and lay on a couch reading the rest of the time.

[Kerry Dunn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I never thought I would ever get married. That said, it's amazing how meeting the right person can completely change your perspective on EVERYTHING. He popped the question, I said yes. Now we plan a wedding? I don't know where to start! A friend linked me to offbeatbride.com and I felt like I found a refuge from cheese and schmaltz. These are girls like me having every kind of wedding you can imagine! It made me feel like we can DO THIS! Naturally, I ordered the book that launched the website and I devoured it. Ariel writes her own wedding story with copious amounts of humor and honesty and practicality. She tells you like it is and is encouraging and supportive in your vision of a non-traditional wedding. I loved all the tips and advice and I know I will return to this book again and again over the process of planning our wedding. I took off one star because, come on! You wrote an entire book about your gorgeous offbeat wedding and didn't include any pictures??? I feel ROBBED.

;-)

[rhea · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started this book about 2 weeks after I got engaged and it helped calmed my nerves a lot! Anyone who knows me knows this is a hard feat to accomplish. I put it down (I guess when my school semester got underway?) when I was about halfway done. I picked it back up last night, 9 months later, and it isn't doing the same thing for me. It's a quick read (if you don't put it down and forget about it), but I don't need the same help anymore. I still read the blog, offbeatbride.com, but I really just look at pictures and read the planning stages from people that are in what they call the "Tribe" (a portion of the website you can only see if you're signed up and getting married.) The book is good for a relaxing laugh and look into another couple's wedding and planning, which is sometimes all you need to calm down.

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has become sort of a talisman/mantra for me. I'll probably read it several more times over the next year. I would suggest to anyone who marches to the beat of their own steel guitar but those family tends to put on a more traditional show. Less of a guide or source of ideas...more of a reaffirmation that one of the most important days of your life is really about the two of you, your values, your inspirations and your life together. And it would be a disservice to NOT honor all those things for the event that's supposed to be a symbol of the beginning of your life together.

Man, I'm tearing up again...when did I become such a girl?

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whelp, I guess I read wedding books now. Yup. Anyhow, I learned about offbeatbride.com a while ago because the Mary Sue occasionally links to them when they feature a wedding with a portal cake, or a bride dressed in a Darth Vader costume, or sonic screwdriver bouquets (all true!). It's a great site generally and I mostly wanted to get the book as a show-of-support kind of thing. But it turned out to be a great resource all on its own, very grounding and full of excellent ideas. It's a quick read, organized in chronological order, about 25% memoir and 75% guide. I expect to read it several times before wedding time arrives.

[Celia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was fun to read, if nothing else than to remind myself that planning a wedding a) does not have to be such a serious thing, and b) will still stress you out at some point regardless of how much you don't want to take it too seriously! Overall, though, I probably only got a small handful of actually useful tips and ideas. So much of the book was a lengthy description of the writer's own (quite offbeat, but not THAT crazy) wedding. It didn't translate to a lot of ideas I could use, and the advice (given in sidebars) was nice but not life-changing.

[Juniper "burntends on storygraph" · Rating 2 out of 5]

I consider myself as "offbeat" as the best of them, but this book was mostly about hippies and feminists. Not that I have a problem with either of those groups, but honestly, if you're going to discuss alternative ways to have your wedding, maybe it's best that you don't shove your ideas in someone's face. I felt as though I was being anti-modern-woman for wanting to have my dad walk me down the aisle and wanting to take my fiancee's last name.

I would only recommend this book to gals with dreadlocks and dropping acid and dancing in a field all night.

[Stacy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some useful tips, but this was far too specific to the author's own experiences to be much use except to people who aren't ex-ravers planning a hippy outdoors wedding with access to inexpensive land for camping.

The website, to be honest, is more useful than the book, because it covers a broader range of experiences. These concerns may be addressed in the new version of this book which has just been released.

[Katharine Grubb · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was more of a tale of how one bride did her wedding, with other stories thrown in. I thought it would be more of an instruction book. Got me thinking. So that's good.

[Tami · Rating 4 out of 5]

With just a little over a year before our wedding, I decided it was time to start perusing this book (thanks Lori!).
Since I am creative, edgy, "offbeat" if you will, and [let's be honest:] I have already looked at a dozen of indie/ diy/ green/ eccentric wedding sites, Jayk and I already have some rough ideas for our non-traditional, unique event.
Therefore through the first section of this book I thought, "Why am I reading this? I know this stuff.. yes my bridesmaids will be picking out there own dresses.. yes I already have a unique ring.. yes I've already enlisted the help of our friends.." and chocked it up to having TOO much knowledge on being an "offbeat bride."
Yet as the book developed further into "the thick of it" (as Ariel calls it) I began to adore it. The advice she gave, the stories she told, the ideas that began popping into my head.. I scribbled furiously and began text messaging mom and friends.. "What about this?!" "Oh, do we even need this?" "Hey I came up with an idea for this!" Some directly inspired by Ariel's words, other's merely inspired by her reference to a topic I hadn't even thought about before (what DO I want to do with the bouquet if I'm not interested in throwing it?!).

All in all, I thought this was an excellent, fun, extraordinarily quick, inspiring read. I guess I also read it at the perfect time, far enough into being engaged to have already begun researching and developing ideas for our fabulous fiesta, but early enough that we are still condoning suggestions/rearrangement/advice.

[Shahrun · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a child, I always assumed one day I would have a big fairytale wedding, when I eventually met Mr Right and we got married. The older and wiser I have got led me to question my childhood assumptions. Also in recent years I have been to quite a few weddings and to be honest, they scare me. They are so totally not me. I came across this book (and associated website) after being at a very large, expensive wedding this Easter. There a girlfriend and I were saying that this really wasn't for us and discussing jokey elopement plans. Back home and sober, I made some interesting discoveries.

This book isn't quite what I expected. It is mainly about the authors own offbeat wedding, with snippets of collaboration from other couples that she researched for the book. I somehow thought I was buying a collection of lost of different wedding stories (with a chapter dedicated to each couples wedding kind of thing). But this book contains more useful and practical advice for planning your own wedding, using the authors experiences to guide you. I'm not actually planning on getting hitched in the near future. So not so relevant for me, but still and interesting read. I now know that if I EVER do get married, I think I just want to elope!

I also feel the book could have benefited from pictures. Perhaps lots and being a a coffee table book... I'm sure I remember reading that that was what the author was originally aiming for. I would recommend this book to any friend who is engaged or thinking about it.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I checked this book out from the library when I was in the process of getting married and I'm glad I did. I think I would have enjoyed it a lot less had I paid for it. I don't mean that in a negative way, it's just that often blogger's books aren't that, well, meaty. It didn't offer a lot of practical wedding planning advice, but it did offer encouragement to the offbeat bride that it's ok to follow her own course. But, um, don't you get to being offbeat by not bowing to the whims of others? I would think, then, that most potential offbeat brides wouldn't need the encouragement. So, as a how-to sort of book, it really doesn't qualify. It's more interesting as a memoir of one person's experience. This book is fun, the author's voice is enjoyable, it gives one person's look at what their wedding was like and what made it special to them. All great stuff. BUT. Totally had the feel of an extended blog and so I have a hard time with the idea of BUYING it. That's just me, I'm frugal! I like the author's voice and read her blog, so would gladly read any future books, but would probably need to find the content a little more substantial to justify purchasing it.

[Theoddsock · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been a follower of the offbeat bride blog for a long time. So when I recently got engaged I thought I'd treat myself to this book.
It's very well written, funny and readable. It feels like a very honest take on weddings and I felt more prepared for both the highs and lows of wedding planning after reading this book. The book is arranged well, taking you through wedding planning step by step. I particularly liked that it wasn't just about Stallings' wedding, and she'd interviewed several other 'offbeat brides' in order to either back up what she was writing or give an alternative outcome.
However, I wouldn't give this five stars, and that's more due to me than the book itself. I was expecting a book loaded with photographs and inspirational pictures just like the offbeat bride blog. This definitely isn't that. There are no pictures at all in the whole book. I appreciate that this keeps printing costs lower and Stallings uses descriptive language really well. I just feel that in this case the truth of the cliché 'a picture is worth a thousand words' is proved.

[c · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Offbeat Bride so much that I get a subscription in their email, so I expected a book that would mirror the website: focus on a few couples in their different types of wedding while offering advice. Unfortunately, this book was not. It was basically an excuse for the author to talk about her wedding. Which is fine - her wedding did sound fantastic and wonderful. But for those of us whose parents don't have a big, woodsy backyard suitable for camping, or friends who could take all our photos, the advice became tedious and irrelevant. There was not much discussion about budget because the author had friendors and a free venue. The overlying sentiment seemed to be "I did it perfectly right!" and then a few, short anecdotes about other people who did things differently.

Positively, it was a quick read, and it was an obviously feminism-focused book, but I really didn't get much good advice out of it (except for remembering to send a thank you note to your parents).

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great quick read to catch your breath and put wedding planning into perspective. Gave me some good insight into how to think about things as I start the wedding planning process and inspired a few ideas.

I would warn, however, not to get too caught up in it. If you're reading this book, it's probably because you aren't thrilled with the idea of a super-traditional by the book wedding. Hooray! This book will encourage you to keep your chin up. It will also provide an excellent framework for how to resolve the conflicts that will pop up.

But don't get stuck at the other end of the spectrum either: do not feel like a terrible person for having any traditional elements and choosing your battles wisely. It's your wedding, and it should reflect you!

Also, read the blog for photographic awesomeness. And general awesomeness.

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

As per Goodreads' rating system, this book was just ok. I had some problems with the author's attitude, especially how she treats being "offbeat" as some sort of elitist club. You want to do anything traditionally? F-you, you suck. Us weirdos are so much better. To me, that's just as bad as a traditionalist turning up her nose at the idea of an offbeat wedding. I feel like I would have valued the information in this book more if she hadn't approached it so abrasively. But, anyway. It gets two stars because even though I wanted to slap her off her better-than-thou high horse most of the time, it did get me thinking about alternatives to some of the more traditional wedding conventions. Before this, I didn't even want a ceremony at all, and reading this book at least made me consider my options.

[Abigail · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading anecdotes from dozens of weddings. I also enjoyed learning how other couples managed to create a wedding they could actually enjoy. However, the book was pretty self-serving and took the "Do what's right for you" attitude to an extreme. (Lots of apologetic-but-not-really stories from brides who consider themselves to be counter-culture but chose to wear a big fluffy white dress, have dad give them away, or took their husbands' last names. Hey, we can all do what we want, but I'm not terribly interested in how people rationalize their choices.)

This is a good one to get from the library rather than purchase. It's informative and entertaining, but no part is so useful or novel to make it worth having in one's library.

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ariel Meadow Stallings has written what hopefully will be the first in a long line of new-style wedding literature...a book for the "Indie Bride," or those who choose to walk a different path from the cookie cutter wedding the industry wants to shove at us already fully formed for a paltry $20-30,000. Although her book doesn't include many "how to" craft projects or exact instructions, it does create a feeling of "rightness" in the mind of those brides who are already wanting to do things their way, and perhaps may influence some taffeta brides to change their minds as well.

I genuinely hope this trend in wedding books continues.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a must read for any feminist who has decided to walk down the isle. It was totally refreshing to hear the perspective of a woman who tied the knot in a meaningful, but alternative way. I think the two best pieces of advice that I got from the book were (1) if part of the ceremony/celebration isn't important to you then don't feel you have to do it and (2) if your friends enjoy smoking something other than cigarettes, send them a little e-mail before the wedding asking for discretion around more conservative family members. Stallings also shares my love of the hula hoop. However, she also abuses the adjective "delicious", which gets a little irritating.

[Stephanie Graves · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sat in Barnes & Noble one day in the wedding section, completely overwhelmed and sickened by the tasteless commercialization of weddings.

But in my world, if you need to know something, you look for it in a book.

Thank fucking god that I came across this wonderful, delightful, amazing book that GETS IT. That understands why I don't want to drop thousands of dollars on a wedding and I want to make my own dress and want to have a bonfire.

This book is informative, is excellent at providing perspective, and is downright hysterical to boot.

If you are getting married and are alarmed at the thought of all that tulle, go buy this now, and read it with a glass of wine.

[Irene · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was written by a slightly neurotic but charming blogger/writer/former raver/Burningman party girl from Seattle about her wedding to a nice, calm, quiet guy. Basically, it was written just for me. It was full of encouragement, funny stories and thoughtful suggestions about how to plan a wedding from scratch without taking anything as a given and deciding carefully what parts of the Wedding Industrial Complex to take and what to leave. I smiled while reading it and handed it to my partner to read, too, so he could better understand how I was feeling about the whole thing. Recommended.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

She had me in the first few sentences. "For me, the scariest part of getting engaged was feeling as if I were suddenly buying into an identity that wasn't my own. I was having a bridentity crisis. Suddenly I was supposed to care about floral arrangements and classical quartets. Suddenly I was supposed to like poufy white dresses and showing off jewelry. Suddenly I was supposed to buy five-hundred-page glossy magazines and take a strong interest in decorative bows for the backs of rented chairs." It may be for some brides, it's not for me. I look forward to the rest.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was fine insofar as it reinforced my belief that a wedding will still be valid, even if the bride doesn't wear white or throw a bouquet, and the tone is appropriately, relentlessly, positive and accepting. Most of her ideas, though, seem difficult to achieve unless you have a wide circle of friends consisting primarily of chefs and professional makeup artists. Also, reception planning seems a lot easier if you have a family member with a large patch of land or a friend with a huge loft space to lend to you for the day or something.

[Moxie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book, while more off-the-wall than I want to be with our wedding, still gave me lots of good ideas about how to turn some of those "traditional" aspects of the ceremony and reception around into something more unique. But, best of all, this book gave the best advice any wedding book could give--do it your way and try to deal with the nay-sayers graciously, but ultimately, don't really pay them any attention. Great advice.