The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time

by Cheryl Richardson

This life-changing handbook by best-selling author Cheryl Richardson offers you 12 strategies to transform your life one month at a time. Designed as a practical, action-oriented program, each chapter challenges you to alter one behavior that keeps getting you in trouble.The book is filled with personal stories of how Cheryl and others have learned to make the practice of Extreme Self-Care their new standard for living. With chapters such as "End the Legacy of Deprivation," "Take Your Hands off the Wheel," "The Absolute No List," and "Does That Anger Taste Good?" you will stop the endless cycle of self-betrayal and neglect that stems from daily violations of self-care.Each chapter includes a relevant resource section that offers books, Websites, audio programs, podcasts, and more should you want to explore a particular topic further.The Art of Extreme Self-Care is a sane and sensible program that gives you the permission you need to dramatically upgrade your life!

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Personal Development, Health, Psychology, Spirituality

113 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Cheryl Richardson is a #1 New York Times bestselling author of several books including: Take Time for Your Life, Life Makeovers, Stand Up for Your Life, The Unmistakable Touch of Grace, The Art of Extreme Self Care, You Can Create an Exceptional Life (with Louise Hay), and her new book, Waking Up in Winter: In Search of What Really Matters at Midlife. Her work has been covered widely in the media including The Today Show, CBS This Morning, New York Times, USA Today, Good Housekeeping, and O Magazine. Cheryl was also the team leader for the Lifestyle Makeover Series on the Oprah Winfrey Show and she accompanied Ms. Winfrey on the "Live Your Best Life" nationwide tour. You can visit her at CherylRichardson.com as well as on Facebook at: Facebook.com/cherylrichardson, and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram under the user name: coachoncall.

Reviews

[Joanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who was raised as a people pleaser and put up with epic amounts of abuse from irrational people growing up...I found this book very helpful in sorting out the bullshit found in most relationships. I have been told many times that I'm "too sensitive" and this book reminded me that this is actually a gift and something that should be gaurded and cherished because it has made me the caring person I am today. It offers tools to help remind yourself that you must come first or you will have nothing to offer the ones you love. I am by all means not "cured" of my tendencies to revert back to old habits but it has helped me become more aware of them.

[Danny Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, this is a good, helpful book for removing stress from your life and taking care of yourself. However, several of her solutions involved 1) hiring a service to cook/clean etc for you, and/or 2) delegate more to your staff etc. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford to hire someone else to do stuff for them, and not everyone is a manager or supervisor at a company. One is supposed to take a year to read it, doing a chapter each month. I didn't do that.

[Sarah ♡ (let’s interact!) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Self-care is not selfish, it is a necessity. 🖤

This is a good book to read if you have reached a state of emotional burnout. Or before you do. Neglecting your own needs can deprive you of your happiness.

The information presented in here really isn’t anything new or mind-blowing, but serves as an important reminder to us all to put ourselves first more often. It’s okay to set boundaries, as that can make other people respect you more. That’s something I’ve really struggled with in the past.

Read on the Headway app, which condenses non-fiction books by their key-points to maximise quicker and more helpful learning. ✨🧠

[Laurla2]

-why did i continue to give too much, usually at my own expense. i wanted people to like me, to enjoy spending time with me, and to see me as wise and helpful. i also wanted to avoid the anxiety i felt whenever someone disapproved of something i did.
-you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the reality that some people just wont like you. it may not be easy, but its essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values, and needs.
-the concept of making ones self care a priority remains controversial to this very day.
-the art of extreme self care initially requires a willingness to sit with some pretty uncomfortable feelings, such as guilt - for putting your own needs first, fear - of being judged and criticized by others, or anxiety - from challenging long held beliefs and behaviors.
-when hit with challenges, most of us revert back to old coping strategies that kept us safe as kids.
-awareness is a powerful catalyst for positive change.
-you alone are responsible for overgiving. you can empower yourself to do something about that.
-i never have time to do what i want to do = i dont TAKE time for my NEEDS.
-i always end up doing everything myself = i dont ask for help.
-no one appreciates the things i do = i take on way too much hoping someone will notice and tell me how good i am or how grateful they are.
-my kids take up all my time = i've chosen to make my childrens needs more of a priority than my own.
-to desensitize my fear of conflict and letting people down, confront their anger, disappointment, or hurt feelings head on. make one person angry every day, for a month. say no. set limits. put boundaries in place to protect your time, energy, and emotional needs.
-you must learn to manage the anxiety that arises when other people are disappointed, angry, or hurt.
-know that while you're changing the rules, certain individuals wont like it. you need to make a difference in your own life first.
-because you tend to overgive, you've trained those in your life to expect it and they'll question you once you stop. dont be surprised if they try to reel you back in by making MORE demands or tempting you with guilt. when this happens, the worst thing you can do is give in, as that sends mixed messages and teaches others to doubt your word.
-be honest. be direct. resolve to take care of yourself. dont overexplain. dont defend. dont invite a debate over how you feel. the fewer words the better.
-buy some time when someone makes a request of you. put space between your request and your answer. i'll need to get back to you, i need to sleep on it, i need to check with someone before i commit (even if that someone is you). let them know up front, i may not be able to do this.
-do a gut check. how much do YOU really want to do this. ask yourself, if i knew this person wouldnt be angry, disappointed, or upset, would i say no?
-tell the truth directly, with grace and love. be honest about how you feel without overexplaining yourself. let the person know you regret having to turn down the request, but dont leave a door open when you need a wall. be direct instead of wishy-washy. i'm sorry to disappoint you but something came up at work and i'll need to back out of my plans with you. or thank you for your invitation, while i'm unable to accept, i wish you all the best. or in an effort to take care of myself and spend more time at home, i need to decline your offer, although i'm honored that you asked.
-book suggestion my answer is no...if thats okay with you: how women can say no and (still) feel good about it by nancy gartrell. a practical guide to setting boundaries while preserving important relationships.
-allowing others to help means learning to surrender to the reality that there will be mistakes made and that things will not always get done your way. chances are you made mistakes along the way of finding your path. keep letting go of the wheel when you're tempted to take back control. let others drive for a while.
-when women feel overburdened and short on support, sex becomes just another item on an already long to-do list. can you imagine enjoying sex when your body is screaming "hurry up! i've lots to do before i can stop worry about today and start thinking about tomorrow!"
-make a things you can do to support me list.
-book suggestion help is not a four letter word: why doing it all is doing you in by peggy collins.
-when making a list of top 7 priorities, most people neglect to include themselves/their own care on that list.
-protect your sensitivity, dont hate it. its a blessing. embrace it. become aware of the people, place, and things that cause you to shut down, numb out, or leave the present moment. sensitivity is about being open and receptive to life. stop judging and disowning essential parts of yourself and start honoring who you are at your core.
-when there is too much noise in your environment, you naturally have to shut down some part of your senses just to manage the auditory stress. your body absorbs and processes every sound, whether you realize it or not, and processing sound takes energy. thats why many people feel exhausted after spending time in crowds at a party or while shopping in a busy mall.
-when you have peace and quiet, you'll feel clearheaded and relaxed. your body and your nervous system will shift to a healthier, more balanced state that allows the fight-or-flight system to rest. and you'll have more energy.
-limit your exposure to all forms of sensational or violent news. the level of terror and anxiety contained in most media stories is toxic to the nervous system, and its getting worse all the time. the news is frightening, negative, and often shallow. emotionally stressful.
-put limits on toxic people, the ones who require you to put up some kind of guard. the need to shield yourself from them is a signal you're entering unsafe sensitivity zone. anyone who consistently puts you down, chronically complains about how miserable they are without doing anything about it, criticizes you, or sucks your energy. men or women who refuse to take responsibility for their actions - the ones who hurt for sport, make a career out of complaining, or who get off on putting other people down.
-with technology, remember who is in charge. manage technology in such a way that we become responders, not reactors. dont be pavlov's dogs, jumping at the sound of the ringing phone or text chime or email alert. choose to handle them at your convenience.
-know the kind of environment that suits you best. soft lighting, quiet restaurants, shopping online rather than in frenetic shopping malls, soft clothing/sheets/towels, smaller gatherings.
-allow children to be sensitive. nurture their gentler, creative side. dont push them to toughen them up or force them into an unwanted career. protect their sensitivity.
-book suggestion the highly sensitive person's survival guide: essential skills for living well in an overstimulating world by ted zeff.
-many people, especially women, put up with inappropriate behavior instead of speaking up. the desire to avoid conflict or protect another's feelings takes precedence. so we keep our mouths shut and swallow our anger - a choice that has serious long-term consequences. friendships erode over time under the weight of unspoken hurt feelings, marriages dissolve from the disabling pain of chronic resentment, or health suffers as we make our way to the fridge one more time to shove down our anger or hurt with food.
-if you're like most people, when someone makes an unexpected rude comment, you suddenly freeze up. you stand there like a statue, completely immobilized and unable to say a word. stunned into silence. end up beating themselves up for not saying anything, or spend hours thinking about what they could have said, and berate themselves for not thinking quickly enough.
-as a child you may have learned NOT to react in order to stay safe. silence may have been your best defense. as an adult, when someone triggers this past experience, you snap back into your old way of rsponding. suddenly you're 8 years old instead of 40, and your way to cope is to keep your mouth shut.
-it is expensive to swallow your anger. there are few things that will erode self esteem more quickly than tolerating inappropriate behavior. whether you say something right away or wait until later when you've had a chance to compose yourself or process your feelings, extreme self care means using your voice.
-simple approach for anger: 1. stop and acknowledge what just happened. dont stuff it. if need be, walk away without engaging the person. 2. take a deep breath and state whats on your mind (with grace and love whenever possible). use I statements. "i need you to know that is not ok". "i'm not willing to have this conversation with you here." 3. dont try to change the other person, get him or her to see your side, or defend your position. express your feelings and what you need to have happen in order to feel respected and safe. 4. walk away if necessary.
-no one has the right to unload his or her frustration, stress, or 'bad day' on you. a simple response such as "please stop, that is not ok with me" is a fine way to start the process of protecting yourself.
-sometimes you realize that your emotional reaction is exaggerated because an old wound has been triggered - and its crucial to step back and get centered, regain composure, and think clearly about how best to respond. 1. close your eyes and breathe. when you're caught off guard, fight-or-flight gets triggered and you're not making wise, thoughtful choices. 2. find a safe person to vent about the situation. someone who can listen well, and allow you to process your feelings without egging you on. 3. get more information. ask questions. before confronting, ask what they intended to communicate. make sure you have the facts before accusing. 4. have a sane conversation with the person. use 'i statements'. let them know how you feel and what you need. acknowledge the value of the relationship.
-book suggestion facing the fire: experiencing and expressing anger appropriately by john lees with bill stott.
-when you're most afraid, its time to be kind and gentle with yourself.

[Greta · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think I've read so many of these types of books I've become jaded. Not that this one doesn't have some useful advice. But in the end, it's just more of the same ol' same ol': love yourself, learn to say no, take care of your health, clean up your space, establish a rhythm, relinquish some control, allow yourself to be sensitive and nurture that quality, let go of anger, and find something to be passionate about. All common-sense, practical advice in taking care of yourself. If you manage to do all these things, you'll be better off and so will those you love.

[Karley Essington · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really easy book to start you on a path of self-care. I love how the chapters are set up month to month. I also really like how she encourages to read the book all together and then actually take the steps. It was just me refresh I needed in my life and I'm excited to start my journey.

[DDog · Rating 3 out of 5]

My girlfriend, who I borrowed this book from, is totally the person the introduction to the book describes. Not so much me, but there was still some useful information in the book. I especially liked the sections on creating balancing routines, the Absolute No and Absolute Yes lists, creating soul-nourishing space, setting limits on negative influences (people, technology, news) and being an active partner in your own health care.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This review has been moved to: http://bit.ly/Z2lhFh

[Sonia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good time for me to read this book. I'm usually not that big a fan of self-help stuff - I feel like it's often repetitive and basic and unrealistic - but Richardson keeps it simple and clear and never downplays how difficult it is to make these sorts of changes in your life. I think the most powerful part of this book is the way she breaks down the perfectionist helper personality, including identifying the pathological ways we set ourselves up for failure by basing our self-worth too heavily on our ability to do for others. I've always aspired to be "generous," but can see the ways this mindset can become problematic when I bleed myself dry, ignore my own needs and refuse to ask for help. The one really hopeful part of all this, however, was realizing the ways in which I've already done a lot of the things she recommends within the last year as part of my quest to manage my migraines. Some of this stuff is kind of obvious - change your space, establish routine, etc - but some is more hard-wired and difficult. Be willing to disappoint people. Express anger. Let other people take control sometimes. In a way I wish the book had more depth, but that's more what therapy's designed to do. It's enough that Richardson lays it out in manageable ways.

[Jackie Felix · Rating 4 out of 5]

Me encantó cómo explica de forma muy sencilla cómo cuidarme. Integra ejercicios y retos por hacer, me animo a ponerme atención y crear una rutina de auto cuidado.
Me hubiera gustado que fuera más largo, siento que me faltó el aspecto psicológico del por qué no cuidarnos.

[Lorilee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cheryl Richardson's 12 chapter, 111 page book offers a synopsis of the most confounding conundrums of what being a human being offers. Each chapter will speak to your most vulnerable parts. Each chapter will resonate at different levels and depths depending on personal challenges. Each chapter offers the step-by-step means, methods and ways of thinking needed to overcome even the most difficult situation or the most inane habit of thought. Richardson enables readers' understanding of deeper psychological reasons for why most of us behave the way we do. Her "curriculum" offers a month-by-month homework challenge to take on the flow of naturally occurring dilemmas with self, family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and acquaintances as well as from the organic questions that flow from routines and patterns of behavior we've developed with or without our conscious awareness. Once aware of our patterns, she offers new, more expanded versions of how we might handle each. This book isn't for everyone--only for those who value insight into understanding life on a deeper level with a desire to make our own better.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to live an authentic meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, living with the clarity that some people just won't like you. It is essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values and needs.

The art of extreme self care takes patience, commitment, and practice.

I no longer rush, live without pets, compromise my needs to keep peace with anyone, eat meat, keep anything in my home that I don't need or love, tolerate or participate in gossip, hire anyone who treats me with disrespect, accept verbal abuse, let social norms dictate who I should be and what I should be interested in, spend time with people who talk at me, keep my opinions to myself when they don't align with others in the room.

[Gretchen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don’t judge this book by its cover. Looking at it, it seems a bit hokey with a picture of the ocean, and it’s so skinny you might be tempted to wonder how it could have any real content. Yet in those few pages, it packs some mighty punches for anyone who needs a bit of a kick to start taking care of themselves. There are 12 different chapters on ways to focus on “extreme self-care” in one area for a month, and there will probably be one that speaks to you. It’s a small book, but I’ll be chewing on the ideas for weeks after finishing reading it, and the work of implementing them could last a lifetime.

[Nancy · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars.
Much of it (most) is common sense, and I guess it's not fair of me to rate because I assumed it would be before I read. it. As I mentioned earlier, I strongly disagree with her advice of not eating meat and always having a pet.

1. I'm a carnivore.

2. The thought of coming home every day to the unknown of what havoc a pet could have wreaked to the house in my absence would cause me an incredible amount of stress. Not to mention the other upkeep. I know a lot of people love having pets and that's great for them, it's just not for me.
So no and no to those.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of the few books I'd probably give a 3.5 star to but plan to read again. The reason...it is just simple and fast but it is something a person needs to be reminded of. The info is basic and standard so it may not be revolutionary but I like it because it is short. You can read/skim it quickly and remind yourself of all the things you should be doing to keep life in balance.
I hope to pick it up about 2 times a year and adjust my life again :)

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rehashed her other stuff, but a good refresher for what promises to be a stressful new year.

Update: reread this and gave it another star because this year seems too stressful again.

[Kelley Kimble · Rating 4 out of 5]

Executive summary was very good. Full book would be a great read if this is an area of struggle.

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Inspired by a very useful live session she held on Facebook this week, I decided to read this book. It's got a lot of good advice that I think will be especially helpful during my upcoming move.

[Roxanne · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not a fan of self help books so this didn't really stand a chance. A couple of good ideas; mostly patronising drivel.

[Elissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

The title is a little much in my opinion. The word 'extreme' seemed a bit...well, extreme.

I have been learning how to take better care of myself and be less of a people pleaser and was hoping this book would help me on my journey. It was pretty basic. Love yourself, learn to say no, be healthy, do things that bring you joy.

I appreciated the 30 day challenge to look yourself in the mirror everyday and say "I love you, (insert your name)".

I would also like to follow the suggestion to create a "soul loving space". A space in my home that nourishes my soul.

[Nat Rat · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm already a fan of Louise Hay. I love this book by two exceptional women, Cheryl Richardson and Louise Hay. It's written in the form of conversations between the two, where Cheryl asks Louise questions about her life. Louise briefly recounts how she came to her life's work, but mostly focuses on how affirmations and changing your thoughts can lead you to a better life. The book is short, but the affirmations alone are worth the price. I love the way they are gathered together by topic at the back of the book. This makes them easy to find, especially if the reader decides to write them on notecards for easy reference.

The main thing I took away from You Can Create an Exceptional Life is the thought that it's up to me to choose. I can choose misery by focusing on all the negatives in my life, or I can choose love and happiness. It's there. All I have to do is find it, acknowledge it, and become aware of my thoughts whenever they start to drift back into negative territory. Gratitude and love are key to creating an exceptional life.

[Mary Campbell]

I don't care if the book is awful, I love the title. What a concept! Who knew?

I wrote recently that we spend the first half of our lives learning that we're NOT the center of the universe and the second half learning that we ARE. This is probably more evident to parents than to nonparents.

I've listened to Cheryl Richardson, a life coach, on Hay House Radio, and she always surprises me with something new, beyond the "how to say no" and "indulge yourself in a bubble bath" banalities.

Every time I find myself floating away on a "should," the idea of "extreme self-care" becomes my anchor....

[Kari LaMotte · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would give this book 3.5 stars if given the chance. It's a great review of good concepts for taking care of yourself. For me it was a little thin on programs and needed to go more into depth on 'why' to do these things, how it affects you (based on studies), etc. I guess I just needed it to be a bit meatier to be more relevant.

Great idea though, and the ideas inside are good.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Concrete advice on being your own bff

Well written guide to monthly activities which help you discover ways to strengthen your self by learning to care for and protect yourself. Extreme self care is the way to become your own BFF to nurture and guide yourself through life.

[Purposely · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was maybe more of a 2.5 stars for me. I think there is some good information provided, but the personal stories that were included, while may be relevant, were mixed in with the advice. It doesn't make the book easy to refer to for next steps when looking back over chapters that have already been read, and the personal stories were at times more of the chapter than the advice and steps to take. Overall, I think this information could have been easily communicated as a blog post, or series of posts. There wasn't enough meaningful content for a full book. That being said, I do think the overall message is an important one.

[jewelthinks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved everything written in this book. While reading this book a situation arose and I was able to handle it perfectly due to the concepts laid out here. I asked myself: “Will this bring me joy?” And a host of other prompts that I learned in the extreme self-care practice.

I’m keeping this one handy and currently working on my absolute no and absolute yes lists.

As I recently celebrated a milestone birthday and have made significant changes in my life, I’m actively putting to good use every tactic learned.

Will be purchasing additional copies to gift loved ones!

[Baily Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read this book multiple times and recommend it to every people pleaser I know. The ideas will probably not seem groundbreaking to those who aren’t overworked, overwhelmed, people pleasers trying to do everything everyone asks of them, but it’s a powerful reminder to take care of yourself and put yourself first. Plus, it’s not very long. I feel like most self help books belabor the point and say the same thing over and over again without giving you any practical advice. This feels like the opposite.

[Valyncia Raphael · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick read with lots of good wisdom nuggets. The book gives 1 self-care challenge per month and the author provides helpful real world examples. Lots of good resources are provided as well. I only gave it three stars because some of the advice is a little vanilla and dated. Many of the resources are for the author's own books or CDs (dated, as I said). Overall, it was time well spent and I do look forward to doing the challenges over the next year.

[Sophia · Rating 1 out of 5]

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

there was nothing insightful and i mean literally nothing

and the entire time it was just so entitled - like she would describe her life's story and why she decided to hire a life coach or something and it was like #1- i dont care #2- im trying to get advice here and all this seems like is a advertisement for your life coach

maybe it got better in the last like 2 chapterse but i wasn't about to put myself through any more of this

[Stacey Hatfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book on self help really hit the spot. For starters I am. having a very frustrated time. Dispute all the hard work that I am doing, I am being called lazy by my own aunt.

Well if you ever get in a rut, you need to go and get this book. It gives you some suggestions of how to take care of yourself.