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Appalachian Families #1
Sister of Silence
Long before the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, and before human trafficking became the epidemic it now is, Daleen Berry knew what consent was—and what it wasn’t. This memoir follows her harrowing journey from victim to survivor, from teen mom to award-winning journalist, New York Times best-selling author, and a TED talk speaker.Growing up in Appalachia, Daleen became a mother of four children by age twenty-one. After ten years of living with harrowing violence, Daleen became determined to break the silence that shatters women and children's lives. A riveting true story, this mesmerizing memoir demonstrates the astonishing resilience of the human spirit. Sister of Silence will inspire you with the sheer force of that spirit—and its desire to survive, at any cost. Sister of Silence is also a banned book, having been banned from Livermore High School in California in 2011. It was also featured in Daleen's 2013 TED talk.
ReviewsJeannette Walls (Author, The Glass Castle) called Daleen "an incredible writer," and her memoir "an amazing story."Bob Edwards (former host of NPR's Morning Edition) said "almost never is an interview subject so open or so candid about the most intimate details of the most horrible moments of her life. Daleen is a very brave women and I hope her story will help other girls and women . . . Daleen you are a magnificent storyteller.”
“In Sister of Silence, author Daleen Berry gently guides us through the dark corridors of her life, so that we can emerge in the light, as she has courageously done, with a sense of hope, authenticity and courage. Sister of Silence is a brave book, written from the heart. It’s a must read for the brave-hearted.” —Asra Q. Nomani (Author of Standing An American Woman’s Struggle for the Soul of Islam)“Sister of Silence is authentic, compelling and necessary.” —Richard Currey (Author of Fatal Light)From Kirkus Reviews"Daleen is an engaging writer, her style fluid and easy to read, with welcome touches of humor and sustained tension throughout."
From ForeWord Reviews "Daleen's prose is strong and her memory acute."
From Appalachian Heritage“A dramatic memoir told in a matter-of-fact, yet strikingly compelling, manner.”
ReviewsJeannette Walls (Author, The Glass Castle) called Daleen "an incredible writer," and her memoir "an amazing story."Bob Edwards (former host of NPR's Morning Edition) said "almost never is an interview subject so open or so candid about the most intimate details of the most horrible moments of her life. Daleen is a very brave women and I hope her story will help other girls and women . . . Daleen you are a magnificent storyteller.”
“In Sister of Silence, author Daleen Berry gently guides us through the dark corridors of her life, so that we can emerge in the light, as she has courageously done, with a sense of hope, authenticity and courage. Sister of Silence is a brave book, written from the heart. It’s a must read for the brave-hearted.” —Asra Q. Nomani (Author of Standing An American Woman’s Struggle for the Soul of Islam)“Sister of Silence is authentic, compelling and necessary.” —Richard Currey (Author of Fatal Light)From Kirkus Reviews"Daleen is an engaging writer, her style fluid and easy to read, with welcome touches of humor and sustained tension throughout."
From ForeWord Reviews "Daleen's prose is strong and her memory acute."
From Appalachian Heritage“A dramatic memoir told in a matter-of-fact, yet strikingly compelling, manner.”
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About the author
Daleen Berry
9 books86 followersDaleen Berry is a New York Times bestselling true-crime author and an award-winning journalist who took a first-place award for investigative journalism in 1990. Her memoir, Sister of Silence, garnered her an invitation to give a TED talk in 2013, and is being used at several colleges.
Berry's fourth book, Pretty Little Killers, was released in July 2014.
Her fifth book, Guilt By Matrimony, was released in November 2015.
Berry also blogs and is a contributor to The Daily Beast and The Huffington Post.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 84 reviews
June 1, 2012
Negative reviewers who'd fault a woman for failing to get help -- did they really read the book? Are they blessed with so much self esteem, they can't fathom the process, from infancy, of teaching a child to doubt herself? Dad screams at Mom and hits her, but "He didn't really mean it." Dad insults his daughter, maybe just neglects her, lets her down, breaks promises,maybe hits her. "You know he loves you."
--That's just the way he is
--He'll get over it
--You have to learn how not to set him off
The list goes on, but when a child sees and hears one thing, and knows it is WRONG, but Mom accepts abuse, explains it away, convinces daughter that she is wrong in her perceptions, then daughter, no matter how high her IQ, may very well grow up doubting her perceptions, herself. She'll believe a skewed, ugly reality is some kind of normal. Abuse is so familiar, she'll gravitate to men who treat her as badly as her father did -- or worse. Cold, heartless, selfish behavior is all she can expect from the people she loves and trust. This can happen so slowly, subtly, insidiously, it's no surprise that a girl of 13 could meekly allow a neighbor boy to rape her - repeatedly - and keep his dirty secret. He convinces her it's HER fault that she tempts him, and if 1-star and 2-star reviewers think the girl is a loser for suffering in silence, well, some people never will get it, I guess. They, not Daleen, appear to be the ones who think too well of themselves.
One of the hardest things to grasp is a girl like Daleen rejecting the first nice guy to come along and treat her right. Feeling ruined and unworthy, thanks to Eddie's manipulation, drives her right back to her abuser. I realize some women are strong, smart and independent enough not to become victims like Daleen, but I've seen firsthand how many, many smart, beautiful, talented women end up just like her. They hide the sordid truth from parents, siblings, teachers, co-workers, neighbors.
I don't know how many men are emotionally abused and suffer low self esteem, depression, anger or guilt. They may be even less likely than women to admit they need help. If this book seems to focus on women and make men out to be the villains, well, this is one person's story, not the story of the genders.
The subject matter in this novel merits 5 stars, but the prose needed more editing. If I have to skip through repetitive or overly detailish paragraphs, I'm less likely to hand out a "perfect score." Incorrect use of lay vs lie, I am learning to tolerate, but for a journalist and her editor to use lie as the past tense of lay just sets my teeth on edge. (Correct usage: today I lie on the bed, last night I lay on the bed -- NOT last night I lie on the bed.) And the pronoun thing: He gave the award to me sounds right, but not he gave the award to I -- but that's what you say when you think "correct" is "He gave the award to Tom and I." Trivial issue, maybe, but if a book has enough of this type of error, I sometimes get churlish.
I'll 5-star the abused wife who finally recognized how wrong she was to tolerate the abuse and took steps to correct the situation. It's so much harder to break away from it with four children, but Daleen made the effort. It took her 20 years to bring herself to write this story. This is not a woman who thinks she's the squeaky-clean, innocent, poor little victim. She laments the damage done to her four children. She tells a story that has to be told in hopes that someone like her will break the silence and get the help she needs. Yes, help is there. Condemning the victim who fails to get help is...uh...no help at all.
My friend (whose daughter who attended the same WV high school with the nation's highest pg rate) says "The culture here in Appalachia is so foreign, so alien to mainstream America that it doesn't really surprise me that people don't get this woman's mental state at 13. The thing about authentic Appalachian literature is that it has to be carefully worded at all times. In its raw form, I can imagine that this culture and its ideologies would be off-putting to nearly everyone."
Likewise, women who never suffered the kind of abuse Daleen suffered have no way to grasp what it's like to be crippled by fear, guilt and self loathing. It isn't just an Appalachian thing. Sadly, domestic abuse is common to all social classes and ethnic groups. Intelligence is no deterrent to abusing or allowing oneself to be abused. It takes a lot of caring people to spot a victim and encourage her (or him) to get help.
--That's just the way he is
--He'll get over it
--You have to learn how not to set him off
The list goes on, but when a child sees and hears one thing, and knows it is WRONG, but Mom accepts abuse, explains it away, convinces daughter that she is wrong in her perceptions, then daughter, no matter how high her IQ, may very well grow up doubting her perceptions, herself. She'll believe a skewed, ugly reality is some kind of normal. Abuse is so familiar, she'll gravitate to men who treat her as badly as her father did -- or worse. Cold, heartless, selfish behavior is all she can expect from the people she loves and trust. This can happen so slowly, subtly, insidiously, it's no surprise that a girl of 13 could meekly allow a neighbor boy to rape her - repeatedly - and keep his dirty secret. He convinces her it's HER fault that she tempts him, and if 1-star and 2-star reviewers think the girl is a loser for suffering in silence, well, some people never will get it, I guess. They, not Daleen, appear to be the ones who think too well of themselves.
One of the hardest things to grasp is a girl like Daleen rejecting the first nice guy to come along and treat her right. Feeling ruined and unworthy, thanks to Eddie's manipulation, drives her right back to her abuser. I realize some women are strong, smart and independent enough not to become victims like Daleen, but I've seen firsthand how many, many smart, beautiful, talented women end up just like her. They hide the sordid truth from parents, siblings, teachers, co-workers, neighbors.
I don't know how many men are emotionally abused and suffer low self esteem, depression, anger or guilt. They may be even less likely than women to admit they need help. If this book seems to focus on women and make men out to be the villains, well, this is one person's story, not the story of the genders.
The subject matter in this novel merits 5 stars, but the prose needed more editing. If I have to skip through repetitive or overly detailish paragraphs, I'm less likely to hand out a "perfect score." Incorrect use of lay vs lie, I am learning to tolerate, but for a journalist and her editor to use lie as the past tense of lay just sets my teeth on edge. (Correct usage: today I lie on the bed, last night I lay on the bed -- NOT last night I lie on the bed.) And the pronoun thing: He gave the award to me sounds right, but not he gave the award to I -- but that's what you say when you think "correct" is "He gave the award to Tom and I." Trivial issue, maybe, but if a book has enough of this type of error, I sometimes get churlish.
I'll 5-star the abused wife who finally recognized how wrong she was to tolerate the abuse and took steps to correct the situation. It's so much harder to break away from it with four children, but Daleen made the effort. It took her 20 years to bring herself to write this story. This is not a woman who thinks she's the squeaky-clean, innocent, poor little victim. She laments the damage done to her four children. She tells a story that has to be told in hopes that someone like her will break the silence and get the help she needs. Yes, help is there. Condemning the victim who fails to get help is...uh...no help at all.
My friend (whose daughter who attended the same WV high school with the nation's highest pg rate) says "The culture here in Appalachia is so foreign, so alien to mainstream America that it doesn't really surprise me that people don't get this woman's mental state at 13. The thing about authentic Appalachian literature is that it has to be carefully worded at all times. In its raw form, I can imagine that this culture and its ideologies would be off-putting to nearly everyone."
Likewise, women who never suffered the kind of abuse Daleen suffered have no way to grasp what it's like to be crippled by fear, guilt and self loathing. It isn't just an Appalachian thing. Sadly, domestic abuse is common to all social classes and ethnic groups. Intelligence is no deterrent to abusing or allowing oneself to be abused. It takes a lot of caring people to spot a victim and encourage her (or him) to get help.
September 23, 2012
I read this book in one sitting. I could totally relate to the author. I was not sexually abused as a child. I got pregnant at 16 and "had" to get married. I was raped by my husband. That expression was laughed at then and still is now. My husband took the phone cord from the wall and wrapped it around my neck and chocked me to show me that he could have sex with me without my permission. The physical abuse was horrendous. He beat me so badly one time that I didn't have a white spot left on my body. So everything in this book was believable to me including her self-recrimations. Why do women stay? There are so many reasons. They believe the garbage that there tormentors spew out. They are cut off from family and friends. They are ashamed and feel that God is punishing them for some wrong doing. The famous line you made your bed, you lie in it now. I was treated like a criminal for getting pregnant (1960's). Somehow in 2012 we still have teenage girls being hit by thier boyfriends. We need books like this to help young women before it is too late. Do you realize just in the past few years how many women have been killed by there husbands/boyfriends? I hope this book is on every high school counselors bookcase. In the libraries and given out at battered womens shelters. It is full of hope. It shows that you can leave and can overcome this terrible life. This review was my way of ending the silence.
November 22, 2012
When Sister of Silence first came out, I immediately bought a copy. The author used to work at our local newspaper, and I’m always interested in any non-fiction book with regional ties. I very much enjoyed reading about people I knew and even knowing as I read the book that my father was one of the people the author interviewed at the sheriff's office for her journalism job.
Sister of Silence is much more than just a book for those who live in our area. The story is riveting. It is a hard memoir to read. When she was only thirteen and Eddie is twenty when he begins having sex with her. She doesn’t realize this is rape so she tells no one. This continues off and on for years until she gets pregnant. She believes she will no longer be desired by anyone because she is “used” and so she and Eddie marry. By the time she is twenty-two she has four small children.
Eddie becomes physically abusive, at one point dragging her down stairs and causing a huge gash in her leg. She tells no one -- thus the title “Sister of Silence”. Once he loses his job, she has to find a job and is hired by the local paper. As she starts reporting domestic violence stories she realizes that is exactly what is happening to her.
This is not light reading. It is about childhood and marital sexual abuse, domestic violence, postpartum depression, and thoughts of suicide. It’s a riveting book, but can also help others know they are not alone in their situation and give them hope for escape.
The one thing I would have changed about the book is the ending. She goes into great detail about the things she survived, but I wanted to also hear about what happened after. (Although I hear there is a sequel in the works!)
Sister of Silence is much more than just a book for those who live in our area. The story is riveting. It is a hard memoir to read. When she was only thirteen and Eddie is twenty when he begins having sex with her. She doesn’t realize this is rape so she tells no one. This continues off and on for years until she gets pregnant. She believes she will no longer be desired by anyone because she is “used” and so she and Eddie marry. By the time she is twenty-two she has four small children.
Eddie becomes physically abusive, at one point dragging her down stairs and causing a huge gash in her leg. She tells no one -- thus the title “Sister of Silence”. Once he loses his job, she has to find a job and is hired by the local paper. As she starts reporting domestic violence stories she realizes that is exactly what is happening to her.
This is not light reading. It is about childhood and marital sexual abuse, domestic violence, postpartum depression, and thoughts of suicide. It’s a riveting book, but can also help others know they are not alone in their situation and give them hope for escape.
The one thing I would have changed about the book is the ending. She goes into great detail about the things she survived, but I wanted to also hear about what happened after. (Although I hear there is a sequel in the works!)
February 2, 2012
I received a free copy as part of the Goodreads First Read Giveaway.
About a year ago, a woman that I work with asked me to help edit her daughter's autobiography. I agreed and didn't think too much about my agreement until I finally read it. It was 300 pages and filled with detail about the abuse this woman and her children suffered at the hands of three different husbands. In many ways, her story paralleled Berry's story. I was struck by the similarities of the stories and of the treatement by abusive husbands.
Both women were raped at a young age and then repeatedly raped by the same older man over and over again. Both felt that they couldn't talk to their parents about what was happening and both craved their father's attention and when their fathers didn't/couldn't be there emotionally, both were preyed on by abusers.
Berry has four children by the time she is 22. She lives the life of an abused woman. She believes that her husband is going to change and then he never does. Fortunatley, she eventually realizes that nothing is going to change and is able to leave with her children. She also had enough of a support system to facilitate her leaving.
The autobiography that I edited, the woman had never been able to leave her abusers. She continued to stay with her latest abusive husband and continually told her mother that she was sure that he would change.
I was impressed that Berry was able to have the self-confidence to get away from her toxic, rapist husband. She was able to start a new life for herself and pursue her dream of being a journalist.
The book starts out really slow and I was not impressed with the writing. The story seems to skip around and not make as much sense as would be ideal. I believe Berry is a good journalist, but journalist writing is very different than novel writing. However, the writing improves and the story of her struggles are really heartwrenching.
Great writing, No. Great true story of how one woman is able to overcome her abusive husband and pursue her dreams, YES!!!
About a year ago, a woman that I work with asked me to help edit her daughter's autobiography. I agreed and didn't think too much about my agreement until I finally read it. It was 300 pages and filled with detail about the abuse this woman and her children suffered at the hands of three different husbands. In many ways, her story paralleled Berry's story. I was struck by the similarities of the stories and of the treatement by abusive husbands.
Both women were raped at a young age and then repeatedly raped by the same older man over and over again. Both felt that they couldn't talk to their parents about what was happening and both craved their father's attention and when their fathers didn't/couldn't be there emotionally, both were preyed on by abusers.
Berry has four children by the time she is 22. She lives the life of an abused woman. She believes that her husband is going to change and then he never does. Fortunatley, she eventually realizes that nothing is going to change and is able to leave with her children. She also had enough of a support system to facilitate her leaving.
The autobiography that I edited, the woman had never been able to leave her abusers. She continued to stay with her latest abusive husband and continually told her mother that she was sure that he would change.
I was impressed that Berry was able to have the self-confidence to get away from her toxic, rapist husband. She was able to start a new life for herself and pursue her dream of being a journalist.
The book starts out really slow and I was not impressed with the writing. The story seems to skip around and not make as much sense as would be ideal. I believe Berry is a good journalist, but journalist writing is very different than novel writing. However, the writing improves and the story of her struggles are really heartwrenching.
Great writing, No. Great true story of how one woman is able to overcome her abusive husband and pursue her dreams, YES!!!
April 27, 2011
This book is a memoir of Daleen's life, but it could be about any number of women that I have known or read about in the paper or seen in the news. The book is about so many things that I could relate to . . . alcoholism runs in our family and I have seen the damage it can do to the family unit. I also had a very abusive first marriage (I was 19 years old when I married the first time) and I am lucky to have escaped without physical harm, although the mental abusive can sometimes be just as bad. I think it took a lot of courage for Daleen to write about her mental health as well . . . I really recommend this book and I think it is SO important that we spread the word that women in abusive marriages/relationships have options. I hope that this book helps change the lives of woman and families and give hope . . . I know, for myself it helped me realize that I was not alone in my thoughts and actions during my first marriage.
I also am a proud mother, my daughter Megan Hagebush, did the illustration for the cover, which I think sets the mood for the entire book. So much could have changed if Daleen had been able to go to her mother at 13 and tell her what she was going through (rapes by a family friend who was "helping" the family). The subject of sexual abuse is a tough subject to talk about and especially when it is a family friend or worse, family member, it is often shushed. Let's not be sisters of silence . . . tell your children (even your sons) that even if something like this happens to them (and it happens in a lot of families, believe me) find someone to talk to. Tell someone . . . it's NEVER the child's or teen's fault. NEVER. Thank you for telling us such a personal part of your life, Daleen. I really admire your courage.
I also am a proud mother, my daughter Megan Hagebush, did the illustration for the cover, which I think sets the mood for the entire book. So much could have changed if Daleen had been able to go to her mother at 13 and tell her what she was going through (rapes by a family friend who was "helping" the family). The subject of sexual abuse is a tough subject to talk about and especially when it is a family friend or worse, family member, it is often shushed. Let's not be sisters of silence . . . tell your children (even your sons) that even if something like this happens to them (and it happens in a lot of families, believe me) find someone to talk to. Tell someone . . . it's NEVER the child's or teen's fault. NEVER. Thank you for telling us such a personal part of your life, Daleen. I really admire your courage.
February 12, 2012
I received this book and wasn't sure what I would find inside. What I found was an honest portrayal of a woman I could identify with. Not because I suffered the same abuses that she had, but because in many ways, she was like me. Too often, the heroes of survival stories seem to be without any flaws. Not Daleen - and this is a good thing. She admits that she is not perfect. She made mistakes. She is one of us. That's what makes me able to connect with her, and what makes her ordeal all the more frightening. I can't say that I enjoyed reading this book. How could anyone enjoy something that is at times so very difficult to read and digest. The fact that she doesn't give gory details makes imagination fill in the blanks and makes the story even more difficult, more uncomfortable, more painful. But these are all the reasons why I am glad that I read it. I found myself wanting to just give Daleen a hug sometimes, and tell her everything would be better, and I found myself cheering her on as she discovered that for herself. Her journey is one we can all learn from and one we can all be proud of.
October 10, 2012
I echo some of the other readers' comments in that I give Daleen five stars as an individual for overcoming her difficult circumstances. My three star review applies to the quality of writing and the structure of the book itself. The memoir jumps back and forth in time in a manner that is difficult to discern, and I don't think Daleen probably captured the depth of her despair in writing. Nevertheless, it's an important topic and her story sticks with you many days after reading it. The book could be in the four and five star category with some extensive editing. I think the extra editing would be time well spent because it would help the book reach a wider audience.
February 21, 2012
Unfortunately the beginning of Daleen Berry's story is not unique. Sexually abused from the age of thirteen, she became pregnant in high school and by the age of twenty-one found herself the mother of four children, trapped in a joyless marriage to an abusive alcoholic. The important part of Daleen's story is what happened next.
Repeated fantasies of harming one of her children leads her to seek help and she eventually discover that the intense stresses of her life have left her mentally ill. By the end of this chapter in her life Daleen is in treatment, having ended her relationship with Eddie, and on her way to changing nearly every aspect of her life.
The book is not without its flaws. Early on, the pace is slow and the chronology is sometimes patchy. There are some grammatical and spelling errors as well but the story Daleen tells is so intense and so important we are willing to overlook these small problems and focus on the more important story of the prevalence of abuse in our society. Indeed, as the book progresses the writing seems to improve, making Daleen's transformation from a victim to a survivor all the more evident.
Berry pulls no punches. She admits that she is not perfect. She has made some mistakes. What is important to her and evident to the reader is her drive to move forward, to purge the negativity of the past from her life and to tell her story in such a way as to make other young women in similar situations realize that they too can break free, save their own lives and thrive.
Daleen's second book 'Children of Silence', which deals with the emotional struggle faced by her children due to their experiences with abuse, is soon to be published. Her life will have changed for the better but for Daleen, struggle and challenge are never far away. The future will undoubtedly be have its difficulties but through the exercise of her own emotional courage Daleen is able to face them not only as a survivor but as a warrior and a spokesperson for abused women and children everywhere.
Repeated fantasies of harming one of her children leads her to seek help and she eventually discover that the intense stresses of her life have left her mentally ill. By the end of this chapter in her life Daleen is in treatment, having ended her relationship with Eddie, and on her way to changing nearly every aspect of her life.
The book is not without its flaws. Early on, the pace is slow and the chronology is sometimes patchy. There are some grammatical and spelling errors as well but the story Daleen tells is so intense and so important we are willing to overlook these small problems and focus on the more important story of the prevalence of abuse in our society. Indeed, as the book progresses the writing seems to improve, making Daleen's transformation from a victim to a survivor all the more evident.
Berry pulls no punches. She admits that she is not perfect. She has made some mistakes. What is important to her and evident to the reader is her drive to move forward, to purge the negativity of the past from her life and to tell her story in such a way as to make other young women in similar situations realize that they too can break free, save their own lives and thrive.
Daleen's second book 'Children of Silence', which deals with the emotional struggle faced by her children due to their experiences with abuse, is soon to be published. Her life will have changed for the better but for Daleen, struggle and challenge are never far away. The future will undoubtedly be have its difficulties but through the exercise of her own emotional courage Daleen is able to face them not only as a survivor but as a warrior and a spokesperson for abused women and children everywhere.
June 5, 2012
This was a well-written book, although the subject matter was difficult to think about. I have so many things to think about now in my own life because she told her story with candor and insight. I have a hard time accepting her nearly saint-like portrayal of herself, but I think probably most people would try to show their own actions in the best possible light. However, there is no denying her husband was a evil man. The other thing I had trouble swallowing was that therapy basically cured her. Maybe it's just cynicism on my part, but I have known people who've been in therapy for most of their lives and it makes not a bit of difference. While speaking to her therapist gave her a voice for what she had been keepng to herself for so long, it was Daleen herself who actually had the courage to do something about her situation. She acted. No amount of therapy can make you act if you don't want to change. Those were the only two things I didn't like about the book. To me, the author seemed to be a very smart, active and introspective person. She figured out how to get away from the situation and how to quit being a victim. It is a very empowering story.
November 24, 2012
This book is a memoir. I find it difficult to review memoirs. I like to read for entertainment, not necessarily to learn about history or someone’s life experiences. But every now and then I am inexplicably drawn to a particular story or individual. Sister of Silence is one of those books.
I find reviewing memoirs difficult because we all have a story to tell. And some story-telling serves a higher purpose for the author than for the audience. I imagine there are many life experiences put to paper—in journals, diaries, poems, songs—that are never made public, but serve as a cathartic medium for the writer. Those that do make those writings public are brave individuals. I believe they do it in order to help those that are experiencing similar circumstances—to let them know they are not alone. To encourage them to hope and to seek help. For the courage and fortitude shown by those individuals that share their stories to heal themselves and encourage others to do the same, I rate them all five stars, despite what I might rate their book.
I applaud Daleen for bringing her story to light. Having never experienced the abuse Daleen suffered, it is difficult for me to imagine or understand how someone can allow someone else to treat them so poorly. While Daleen tried to explain her actions—or rather inactions on her own behalf—I still found myself asking why she didn’t do this or that. She spoke about her upbringing, her religion, her mother’s role, and her father’s role. All in all, it shaped her, she believed, into a person with little value. That is perhaps the saddest truth of the story. But, somewhere deep inside of Daleen, there was a tiny voice. It said “You deserve better than this.” And those are very powerful words. Thankfully, she had the strength to let that voice grow and eventually be heard.
I cannot say I enjoyed the book. How can one say they enjoyed reading about someone else’s pain and abuse. I can say I think it is an important book; one that should be on the shelves at women’s shelters, counseling centers, and other places where it might reach other women in similar circumstances. As much as this is a book about sexual and emotional abuse, it is also a book about strength and triumph. If it helps one woman overcome her victimization and lead a happier, healthier, and more productive life, it has served its purpose.
I find reviewing memoirs difficult because we all have a story to tell. And some story-telling serves a higher purpose for the author than for the audience. I imagine there are many life experiences put to paper—in journals, diaries, poems, songs—that are never made public, but serve as a cathartic medium for the writer. Those that do make those writings public are brave individuals. I believe they do it in order to help those that are experiencing similar circumstances—to let them know they are not alone. To encourage them to hope and to seek help. For the courage and fortitude shown by those individuals that share their stories to heal themselves and encourage others to do the same, I rate them all five stars, despite what I might rate their book.
I applaud Daleen for bringing her story to light. Having never experienced the abuse Daleen suffered, it is difficult for me to imagine or understand how someone can allow someone else to treat them so poorly. While Daleen tried to explain her actions—or rather inactions on her own behalf—I still found myself asking why she didn’t do this or that. She spoke about her upbringing, her religion, her mother’s role, and her father’s role. All in all, it shaped her, she believed, into a person with little value. That is perhaps the saddest truth of the story. But, somewhere deep inside of Daleen, there was a tiny voice. It said “You deserve better than this.” And those are very powerful words. Thankfully, she had the strength to let that voice grow and eventually be heard.
I cannot say I enjoyed the book. How can one say they enjoyed reading about someone else’s pain and abuse. I can say I think it is an important book; one that should be on the shelves at women’s shelters, counseling centers, and other places where it might reach other women in similar circumstances. As much as this is a book about sexual and emotional abuse, it is also a book about strength and triumph. If it helps one woman overcome her victimization and lead a happier, healthier, and more productive life, it has served its purpose.
February 4, 2012
Sister of Silence by Daleen Berry. This memoir was provided to me free-of-charge by GoodReads, FirstReads. I gave this book 5 stars because it's powerful, thought-provoking memoir that merits it. It's a real page-turner you won't want to put down! Starting at age 13 or 14, every young woman and man should read this so they become familiar not only with sexual abuse, but physical and emotional abuse as well. I feel many others would benefit also, i.e., anyone in the medical and educational fields, parents, etc. It would be of tremendous help for them to be able to recognize signs of these types of abuse. This book should be stocked in all libraries including middle and high-school libraries. By reading this memoir and getting the word out, many of our young people as well as anyone at any age, can avoid or get out of these terrible abusive relations by knowing they do have a voice to come forward. They will realize they just do not have to take it! Hopefully this realization will help to break the silence in the lives of all who suffer from any form of abuse. Kudos to Ms. Berry for being brave and talented enough to write this memoir.
September 12, 2012
The story in this book is wrenching. I have nothing but sympathy for the author and her children. Daleen Berry may have personally benefited by putting her story into words, but the writing in this book was adequate at best.
The structure was awful. The narrative skips and circles for no discernible reason. The litany of where she moved and when as a young child needs some major cuts. If the narrative is going to move in a non-linear fashion, it needs to do so in a meaningful way.
The language used to describe what were obviously profound and disturbing events was full of clichés, weak adjectives and confusing similes.
The author’s professional biography of a high school diploma followed by a career as a small town journalist can explain some of these problems, but I think her editor did her a grave disservice by letting this go to print as it is. Ms. Berry had a very hard life that she managed to fix, from both internal strength of will and some external help. She deserves better than this book.
I think, with work, that this book could have gone from undistinguished to riveting.
The structure was awful. The narrative skips and circles for no discernible reason. The litany of where she moved and when as a young child needs some major cuts. If the narrative is going to move in a non-linear fashion, it needs to do so in a meaningful way.
The language used to describe what were obviously profound and disturbing events was full of clichés, weak adjectives and confusing similes.
The author’s professional biography of a high school diploma followed by a career as a small town journalist can explain some of these problems, but I think her editor did her a grave disservice by letting this go to print as it is. Ms. Berry had a very hard life that she managed to fix, from both internal strength of will and some external help. She deserves better than this book.
I think, with work, that this book could have gone from undistinguished to riveting.
July 3, 2012
It always seems incongruous to call a book like this 'enjoyable', given the subject matter; 'arresting' or 'engaging' is more apt. Berry's writing is down-to-Earth and concise, conveying in accessible language both the physical and emotional difficulties of her former situation. Nor does she patronize her audience with needless exposition; as with Hemingway's iceberg, Berry's writing covers the surface of her experiences, allowing her readers to infer the uncomfortable details for themselves. There were a few formatting issues that bothered me, which may have been due to the medium (this was my first Kindle read) and can most easily be remedied by Berry either yelling at her publisher to do a better job or hiring a better editor. Technical issues aside, Sister of Silence is a laudable first work and I look forward to more from this author in the future.
January 19, 2012
Describing Daleen Berry's memoir leaves me at a bit of a loss for words. It's amazing, horrifying, and inspiring. It is a very serious subject matter and I found I had to take breaks from it yet I wanted to keep reading.
It's the story of a daughter of an alcoholic, a rape victim, a mother of four by age twenty-one, and a woman who finds a way to free herself. It's so hard for me imagine what she went through but she does a very good job of telling it. You root for her and learn from her. She's amazing in that she has the strength to tell this story.
After reading her book, I want to tell every young girl/woman I work with to "tell someone" and "it's not your fault".
I highly recommend this book to the regular reader and to those in counseling or who work with/around young girls.
Best wishes to Daleen and her new life!
It's the story of a daughter of an alcoholic, a rape victim, a mother of four by age twenty-one, and a woman who finds a way to free herself. It's so hard for me imagine what she went through but she does a very good job of telling it. You root for her and learn from her. She's amazing in that she has the strength to tell this story.
After reading her book, I want to tell every young girl/woman I work with to "tell someone" and "it's not your fault".
I highly recommend this book to the regular reader and to those in counseling or who work with/around young girls.
Best wishes to Daleen and her new life!
January 20, 2012
Daleen is an excellent writer and tells her story in an easy manner.
This is a book that when you finish, you want to go hug your daughters and sit down with them to tell them that they are important and they are strong. Teach them to be secure and confident and make sure they know that you will love them no.matter.what.
I was impressed with Daleen's attitude. She had every opportunity to be bitter and turn hard, but she didn't. She forgave and forgave (even though perhaps she shouldn't have) and never resented her children. What really struck me is that she never blamed God. She kept praying to him, when she could've denied Him and turned away. Many would've easily and gladly fallen into the system.
This is a book that when you finish, you want to go hug your daughters and sit down with them to tell them that they are important and they are strong. Teach them to be secure and confident and make sure they know that you will love them no.matter.what.
I was impressed with Daleen's attitude. She had every opportunity to be bitter and turn hard, but she didn't. She forgave and forgave (even though perhaps she shouldn't have) and never resented her children. What really struck me is that she never blamed God. She kept praying to him, when she could've denied Him and turned away. Many would've easily and gladly fallen into the system.
did-not-finish
May 17, 2015I won this book through goodreads.
It is interesting to read this book at the same time as I have been reading In the Land of Invisible Women: A Female Doctor's Journey in the Saudi Kingdom. In Sister of Silence, a very young woman is controlled by her husband in the United States where she has legal freedom while in Saudi Arabia a very well educated single woman is controlled by a state religion. Both women have a religious faith when helps them endure.
It is interesting to read this book at the same time as I have been reading In the Land of Invisible Women: A Female Doctor's Journey in the Saudi Kingdom. In Sister of Silence, a very young woman is controlled by her husband in the United States where she has legal freedom while in Saudi Arabia a very well educated single woman is controlled by a state religion. Both women have a religious faith when helps them endure.
December 26, 2011
It was very educational to the time period of the seventies/eighties. I know this book would help every woman, no matter her age, to facing the abuse they might have suffered. It has opened my eyes to some problems I already have faced and others which i haven't. I can only say that the author is a strong woman who has suffered abuse and rape; only to come out the victor.
I recommend this book to everyone. this is one story that should be told and give others the strength to step forward if they are in the same situation.Or have been in the same situation.
I recommend this book to everyone. this is one story that should be told and give others the strength to step forward if they are in the same situation.Or have been in the same situation.
April 7, 2012
The book is such an eye opener to what's happening around the world. I knew about grooming yet more for a person grooming a child to molest. This book took it to another dimension - facet of grooming -- a person grooming a child to marry and continue to sexually abuse the child/adult. It makes me look at 'interesting' relationships differently. It brings a red flag in me when I read about Moms killing children, "hmm more to the story than the media knows about...." Daleen Berry is an awesome author and a fun person to be with. I'm blessed to have met her. :)
September 24, 2012
This is a powerful book that's hard to put down. Daleen tells her personal story of being married to her abuser. She deals with the continued abuse, depression, and being a mother of 4 children. She is very candid about the guilt she suffered. It is a must for any parent to recognize the signs of a child molester, any abuse victim (sexual or otherwise), or an adult child of alcoholic parents. I did not think I could relate to Daleen since I was not a victim myself. However, she is a very talented writer and a courageous woman!
January 27, 2014
I have known people living this life. I read one review of this book that suggested it was inappropriate for a broad audience that it should be kept quiet and read only amongst the victims. I believe the strength of this book is the opposite of that. It needs to be out there so that when friends and family are told the truth, they believe rather than minimize. Theses abusers are so skilled with their public personas. This tells it like it is and shares how difficult societal norms make it for the victim.
March 10, 2012
Daleen Berry's account of her early marriage and motherhood to a man who specifically groomed her is one that often ends in tragedy. The fact that she was able to overcome, survive and create a new life for herself and her children is an inspiration to legions of women living in abusive conditions. Sisters of Silence is an excellent teaching tool and should be read by young women who aren't yet equipped with the knowledge to make certain decisions. Much to learn from this book!
January 13, 2012
I really liked this book. Daleen makes the reader feel as if they are in the same room, sharing a conversation about her life. She is very sincere about her experiences, yet never says anything in a mean way about her ex-husband. She sticks to the facts and then the reader can make their own judgements about him. I had a hard time putting the book down and would highly recommend it to anyone.
July 26, 2012
This story was painful for me to read. It dredged up a lot of muck from my teenage years and childhood. But it helped me find some answers regarding my feelings and behavior. I wasn't overwhelmed by the writing style or talent but I admire her for finally speaking up and doing something before it was too late and then having the fortitude to write about it. Not sure I could tell the world!
November 14, 2012
Heart wrenching and yet utterly captivating in reading the authors story and how so many of us can relate on a personal basis. Abuse comes in many forms and this author captured many of my thoughts as well as leaving me thinking there are ways out and ways to get help not only for yourself but others in need as well. Very well written and yet sad since it is real life.
June 4, 2012
Also free on my Kindle. I think this is a great, great book that every young girl should read. It hits on the hard topic of sexual abuse without being very triggering or graphic. It is also full of information and resources for sex abuse victims.
August 15, 2012
Eye opening the abuse this woman goes through. I found myself wanting to shake her throughout the book to wake her up and get her away from the man that claims to love her. The parts of the book that could have been very graphic were handled well.
August 3, 2013
I read this book thinking it would be interesting and perhaps informative. What I discovered was that it was interesting, informative and could possibly be used as a benchmark to evaluate your own relationship. I have seen first hand some of this crap (the verbal/emotional abuse...not rape or child molestation) and simply don't understand how someone can "put up" with it but I have a better understanding now of how a person can end up there through no fault of their own. I was surprised by some of her life story (traveling to Jordan to visit her family and wanting to return to the abuser?) If I put myself in her shoes at that age perhaps I would've done the same. I am only 2 years younger than Ms. Berry and in high school was in an iffy relationship. I guess I too kept going back over the 4 years we dated....
I would like to thank Ms. Berry for sharing her story with the world. If more women had her courage, perhaps we would have a better world. I hope she has been able to raise her children in a healthy environment and help them "break the cycle". I do plan to share this book with friends.
I would like to thank Ms. Berry for sharing her story with the world. If more women had her courage, perhaps we would have a better world. I hope she has been able to raise her children in a healthy environment and help them "break the cycle". I do plan to share this book with friends.
March 18, 2013
This was a true account of a woman's history of abuse... starting from the abuse she saw as a child growing up in a home with an alcoholic father, then the rapes that began when she was just 13 years old, and the constant emotional abuse and continued rapes she endured when she married her abuser.
While I didn't much like the writing style I couldn't put the book down. I wanted so very badly to see her come out on top. Not only to see her triumph, but to see how she worked through all of these issues. I won't say how for privacy reasons, but there are definitely aspects I can personally relate to. Sadly, I'm sure so many can.
It was good to see how she came to certain realizations along the way and put two and two together here and there. I made some of my own connections based on hers.
I don't know that I'd recommend this book to everyone, but there are definitely a lot of people I could suggest it to.
While I didn't much like the writing style I couldn't put the book down. I wanted so very badly to see her come out on top. Not only to see her triumph, but to see how she worked through all of these issues. I won't say how for privacy reasons, but there are definitely aspects I can personally relate to. Sadly, I'm sure so many can.
It was good to see how she came to certain realizations along the way and put two and two together here and there. I made some of my own connections based on hers.
I don't know that I'd recommend this book to everyone, but there are definitely a lot of people I could suggest it to.
February 23, 2016
I read this book quite a long time ago. I became interested in reading it because I grew up in the same county in WV that Ms Berry spent her time experiencing a female's worst nightmare. I loved her writing because it is inspirational and at the same time written in a style that emphasizes her remarkable writing ability.
Many people just do not believe that a husband can rape his wife but I cannot even imagine after reading her story one could ever question again. She certainly is an amazing lady to have survived her ordeal and become a well known writer who continues to seek to tell the truth about social ills.
One thing that stands out is that parents must be willing to become the type of parents that their children can talk to about anything. Parents must also be ready to hear things they might not want to hear and be willing to help regardless of the situation.
I think we will be able to read many more great true stories from Ms. Berry.
Many people just do not believe that a husband can rape his wife but I cannot even imagine after reading her story one could ever question again. She certainly is an amazing lady to have survived her ordeal and become a well known writer who continues to seek to tell the truth about social ills.
One thing that stands out is that parents must be willing to become the type of parents that their children can talk to about anything. Parents must also be ready to hear things they might not want to hear and be willing to help regardless of the situation.
I think we will be able to read many more great true stories from Ms. Berry.
February 18, 2016
A "must read!"
A "must read!"
Daleen Berry is a very talented writer who made me feel as if I were watching her life unfold right before my eyes. She is opening the door to discussion about abuse and removing the stigma that's been attached to mental illness for far too long. The signs of abuse are often hard to detect in ourselves or in others. Until we become more educated, more aware, and more accepting of the fact that abuse has so many faces, we will never be able to help those who need it the most -- our children.
Thank you, Daleen, for so bravely sharing so much of your personal pain. In doing so, I'm sure you are helping others see that they are not alone, that there's no shame in admitting they need help, and that there is a way out.
A "must read!"
Daleen Berry is a very talented writer who made me feel as if I were watching her life unfold right before my eyes. She is opening the door to discussion about abuse and removing the stigma that's been attached to mental illness for far too long. The signs of abuse are often hard to detect in ourselves or in others. Until we become more educated, more aware, and more accepting of the fact that abuse has so many faces, we will never be able to help those who need it the most -- our children.
Thank you, Daleen, for so bravely sharing so much of your personal pain. In doing so, I'm sure you are helping others see that they are not alone, that there's no shame in admitting they need help, and that there is a way out.
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