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Nina Hartley's Guide to Total Sex
Legendary porn star Nina Hartley's guide to thrilling, liberating, mind-blowing, soul-fulfilling, and intimacy-building sex!
Witty, smart, and frankly provocative, Nina Hartley knows sex. As a sex performer, sexual adventurer, and sex educator, she's done the fieldwork and has taken extensive notes. Now, she's ready to share her research. Let's just say that she's had all the sex-the good, the bad, and the indifferent-so you won't necessarily have to!
Nina Hartley's Guide to Total Sex is for sexual pioneers and enthusiastic novices. Unabashedly erotic, the book covers a lot of territory, allowing readers to sample the whole smorgasbord or just nibble at what they see as the choicest bits. To start things off, Nina includes explicitly detailed chapters on foreplay, oral sex, masturbation, toys, and games. Sexual adventurers (and voyeurs) will find chapters on swinging, three-ways, anal sex, erotic domination, sensual submission, and much more.
Nina is a strong advocate of safe sex, physically and emotionally, and she helps readers establish personal ground rules. But as a sexual liberationist and a feminist, her core belief is that, between consenting adults, all sexual behaviors are a matter of personal choice. Whether you're trying to reignite the passion with a longtime spouse, or explore new terrain with a new lover, Nina offers a variety of ideas to achieve exhilarating, deeply satisfying, intimate, and profoundly liberating sex.
Witty, smart, and frankly provocative, Nina Hartley knows sex. As a sex performer, sexual adventurer, and sex educator, she's done the fieldwork and has taken extensive notes. Now, she's ready to share her research. Let's just say that she's had all the sex-the good, the bad, and the indifferent-so you won't necessarily have to!
Nina Hartley's Guide to Total Sex is for sexual pioneers and enthusiastic novices. Unabashedly erotic, the book covers a lot of territory, allowing readers to sample the whole smorgasbord or just nibble at what they see as the choicest bits. To start things off, Nina includes explicitly detailed chapters on foreplay, oral sex, masturbation, toys, and games. Sexual adventurers (and voyeurs) will find chapters on swinging, three-ways, anal sex, erotic domination, sensual submission, and much more.
Nina is a strong advocate of safe sex, physically and emotionally, and she helps readers establish personal ground rules. But as a sexual liberationist and a feminist, her core belief is that, between consenting adults, all sexual behaviors are a matter of personal choice. Whether you're trying to reignite the passion with a longtime spouse, or explore new terrain with a new lover, Nina offers a variety of ideas to achieve exhilarating, deeply satisfying, intimate, and profoundly liberating sex.
369 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2006
About the author
Nina Hartley
15 books44 followersAmerican pornographic actress, pornographic film director, sex educator, feminist, and author.
Hartley was born into an jewish family. her parents later converted to budhism.
Hartley considers herself to be sex-positive, atheist and liberal.
Hartley was born into an jewish family. her parents later converted to budhism.
Hartley considers herself to be sex-positive, atheist and liberal.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
April 23, 2012
What an eye-opener -- the author is a professional sex worker and nurse who is well educated, articulate, and an enthusiastic feminist to boot. Her message, that sexual pleasures of all sorts between consenting adults are gifts to be respected, is a good one. I like the primary emphasis that people should TALK to their partners and be respectful of each other. A book like this could be a boon to almost any relationship.
January 14, 2008
My wife is very pleased with me now that I've read this book. It makes things grow and makes baby ovens hot
November 30, 2008
clear and fun to read. the chapters on role playing and masturbation are equally chatty and warm. i felt like with Nina's guidance, i too could be a dungeon mistress of my own domain.
November 6, 2016
Nina Hartley wrote a political sex manifesto with the added benefit of providing some really hands on tips and tricks about various aspects of sex life.
While the advice on sexual acts from a sex educator with 30 years of career under her belt is invaluable, the true added value of the text derives from the tone and approach in which author thinks about sex.
If you are starting a sex-ed library, I recommend you to begin with this one. More than 20 chapters begin with the essential stuff and continue on to the more untraditional things. It is great for broadening your horizons and leaving you feeling confident about your sexuality and sexual experience.
While the advice on sexual acts from a sex educator with 30 years of career under her belt is invaluable, the true added value of the text derives from the tone and approach in which author thinks about sex.
If you are starting a sex-ed library, I recommend you to begin with this one. More than 20 chapters begin with the essential stuff and continue on to the more untraditional things. It is great for broadening your horizons and leaving you feeling confident about your sexuality and sexual experience.
July 21, 2007
I met her! She is such an intelligent, articulate woman. Very appealing energy.
February 17, 2022
I though I knew what I could expect from this, and I got that. But I also got so much more. This book is so great in its scope and practical application that it just boggles my mind. Just incredible. In short I would recommend it to everyone, male or female, and also to laymen and women as well as medical professionals, therapists and so on. Because, apart from covering seemingly every physical aspect of the "field", the book is as much, if not more, about psychological side of the vanilla sex as well as various sorts of kinks. I can't think of anything that isn't covered. And also, if you're a man, you'll feel like a fly on the wall in the "enemy" HQ. Goes the opposite way to some extent, probably, but the book is written by a woman, after all. (And not any woman :)
August 20, 2008
I'm biased as I adore her. Great book for a wedding gift.
April 16, 2009
There is a lot to learn from this book about sexual communication, the largest erogenous zone in the body is the mind.
January 30, 2021
Educating, Nina is!
(See what I did there, with the wordplay on one of Nina’s classic film titles? Anywho...)
Detailed sex advice from the living legend Nina Hartley, a true iconic goddess of the adult entertainment industry. Need I say more?
(See what I did there, with the wordplay on one of Nina’s classic film titles? Anywho...)
Detailed sex advice from the living legend Nina Hartley, a true iconic goddess of the adult entertainment industry. Need I say more?
October 13, 2007
Totally engrossing. The only parts that aren't utterly fantastic are when she goes off into tangents on her own sex life. Oh well, that's an exhibitionist for you! :)
May 13, 2010
Learning a ton. Wow!
April 29, 2012
Even if you do not agree with everything in this book, it is a very informative read about sex and pleasure.
November 28, 2015
very heteronormative, but otherwise a lovely and friendly book on building healthy sexual relationships
December 25, 2025
SEXUAL BASICS. Sexual compatibility is wild - some people get off on watching their partner bang others, which I can't even comprehend, but the main point is you need a partner with matching wishes. You must discuss desires before sex rather than trying to push boundaries in the moment, and during difficult conversations, it is stupid to start sentences with "You" - always stick to "I" statements. If you don't voluntarily want to put in the effort to give your partner amazing sex, you are simply with the wrong person.
HEALTH AND HABITS. The author demands STI test results before sleeping with someone more than once, and until then, condoms are non-negotiable. Masturbation is encouraged even in relationships, and you can keep your fantasies to yourself - sharing what you think about is not mandatory. Be careful, because women often fall in love during orgasm due to hormones and only later discover the guy isn't actually an attractive partner.
MECHANICS. You can tell if your partner is truly present and wants you through a series of long, slow kisses - put your hand on the back of their neck, take your time, and really feel them. Let the woman be the first to use tongue in a kiss and the first to take off the pants. For anal sex, you have to start slow every single time, and accept that some days the ass just refuses to cooperate - and baby wipes are a good idea. There is a massive guide to oral sex around the 3-hour mark that is worth referencing back to because this author is a true specialist.
THE LIFESTYLE. In the swinger scene, romantic feelings are usually forbidden by couples, and at parties, women make the decisions, not men. Some couples only swap for massage, others go all the way, but if you aren't invited to join, don't jump in. If "no" isn't respected instantly, report that person immediately - you shouldn't have to explain or repeat yourself.
HEALTH AND HABITS. The author demands STI test results before sleeping with someone more than once, and until then, condoms are non-negotiable. Masturbation is encouraged even in relationships, and you can keep your fantasies to yourself - sharing what you think about is not mandatory. Be careful, because women often fall in love during orgasm due to hormones and only later discover the guy isn't actually an attractive partner.
MECHANICS. You can tell if your partner is truly present and wants you through a series of long, slow kisses - put your hand on the back of their neck, take your time, and really feel them. Let the woman be the first to use tongue in a kiss and the first to take off the pants. For anal sex, you have to start slow every single time, and accept that some days the ass just refuses to cooperate - and baby wipes are a good idea. There is a massive guide to oral sex around the 3-hour mark that is worth referencing back to because this author is a true specialist.
THE LIFESTYLE. In the swinger scene, romantic feelings are usually forbidden by couples, and at parties, women make the decisions, not men. Some couples only swap for massage, others go all the way, but if you aren't invited to join, don't jump in. If "no" isn't respected instantly, report that person immediately - you shouldn't have to explain or repeat yourself.
September 10, 2025
"sex, in its purely physical expression, has no intrinsic meaning. we, as adults, must give it meaning each and every time we choose to be intimate with one another"
nina não escreve a partir de um lugar de abstração ou de teoria distante, mas de uma vida inteira dedicada ao sexo em suas várias camadas, atravessando tanto a prática quanto a ética do cuidado, tanto como trabalhadora sexual por escolha quanto como enfermeira por formação.
o livro é didático, mas nunca raso. nina organiza seus capítulos de forma que a experiência pessoal dela se transforma em ferramenta de ensino. não é uma imposição, não é manual de regras, é quase uma conversa franca, sem vergonha e sem tabu entre amigas, como disse a própria dita von teese sobre a leitura.
recomendo para todos que querem se aprofundar em pesquisa e estudos sobre educação sexual, até de um viés antropológico, pensando nos capítulos introdutórios onde ela elabora sobre o tabu na sociedade, na religião, nas diferentes gerações e estruturas familiares e afetivas....
nina não escreve a partir de um lugar de abstração ou de teoria distante, mas de uma vida inteira dedicada ao sexo em suas várias camadas, atravessando tanto a prática quanto a ética do cuidado, tanto como trabalhadora sexual por escolha quanto como enfermeira por formação.
o livro é didático, mas nunca raso. nina organiza seus capítulos de forma que a experiência pessoal dela se transforma em ferramenta de ensino. não é uma imposição, não é manual de regras, é quase uma conversa franca, sem vergonha e sem tabu entre amigas, como disse a própria dita von teese sobre a leitura.
recomendo para todos que querem se aprofundar em pesquisa e estudos sobre educação sexual, até de um viés antropológico, pensando nos capítulos introdutórios onde ela elabora sobre o tabu na sociedade, na religião, nas diferentes gerações e estruturas familiares e afetivas....
January 18, 2025
While she does give some good info, Nina is OBVIOUSLY a pick-me. Constantly referencing herself as competition and clearly looks down on other women's personal yucks and yums. Honestly, it has killed any desire to follow ANY advice from her. Also, from a woman, her pussy eating hints are MEH at best!
July 10, 2026
Hartley writes from the place I spent decades trying to reach — the body as friend, pleasure as teacher, the erotic as an inherent good requiring no validation from external authority. Her most devastating line arrives quietly on page 265, and it is the thesis of everything I have been writing about purity culture in a single sentence.
Randy Elrod
Author, The Mysteries of Barcelona
Randy Elrod
Author, The Mysteries of Barcelona
January 3, 2023
This book was amazing! Very insightful and offers great tips and eye-opening information. It also made the subject matter comfortable to read. Would recommend to anyone interested in upping their game and expanding their knowledge.
February 22, 2025
Enjoyed the book. Good information and interesting views on sex. However, there was no pictures, and it was hard to follow her descriptions on sexual techniques. Ended up finding her sex guide video series and using that as a complementary to this book.
November 28, 2019
No pictures or drawings to explain the positions she mentions. The book is all text, and not as detailed as I'd have liked.
February 14, 2020
There was too much focus on side topics (BDSM,butt stuff,etc.) which left the basics to a couple of chapters. Those chapters were great, but there is a whole books worth of contents out there.
December 1, 2021
Don't blush if you read this one. It is frank and graphic, but filled with great information. You will certainly learn something that will help your love life.
January 24, 2018
Good book. Worth reading. This book has less fluff than most.
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews