Decifrar Pessoas - Como entender e prever o comportamento humano

by Jo-Ellan Dimitrius, Wendy L. Patrick (writing as), Wendy Patrick Mazzarella

It's true that politicians blink much more frequently when they're lying, but what other behavior clues do people inadvertently give off? If you want to know if you're being boondoggled, how to tell if your date is interested in a serious relationship, or if you should take that new job, Jo-Ellan Demitrius will help you figure it all out. She gives away the tricks of her trade--jury consulting--in this eye-opening handbook for predicting the behavior and revealing the thoughts of others. She's consulted for more than 600 jury trials, including the O.J. Simpson, Rodney King, and John DuPont cases, as well as for Fortune 100 companies. If her name rings a bell, it may be because she's been on Oprah, Larry King Live, and 60 Minutes, among other television shows.

Much more than a collection of tips on reading body language, her book is supremely organized, detailed, and thorough, with lists of physical characteristics, vocal patterns, office props, and conversational behaviors that reveal much more than you'd think. She instructs on how to analyze hundreds of details of everyday living, from the style of the picture frame on your boss's desk to the odd way that an acquaintance swears up a storm, in order to uncover personality traits and predict future behavior.

Demitrius isn't a hocus-pocus intuition hawker; she's more of a scientist. "...over the past fifteen years," she writes, "I have tested this method on more than ten thousand 'research subjects.' After predicting the behavior of thousands of jurors, witnesses, lawyers, and judges, I have been able to see whether my predictions came true....I did not always peg them correctly, especially in the earlier years. But by testing my perceptions over and over, I have verified which clues are generally reliable and which are not." Her advice will prove valuable not just to lawyers but to businesspeople, parents, and anyone curious about their relationships. While the book is mostly aimed at deconstructing the behavior and characteristics of others, it's also useful for job candidates and anyone concerned with projecting the appropriate image. -- Erica Jorgensen

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Communication, Business, Relationships, Personal Development

346 pages, Paperback

First published May 26, 1998

About the author

Jo-Ellan Dimitrius, Ph.D., has consulted in over six hundred jury trials, including the Rodney King, Reginald Denny, John DuPont, McMartin Preschool, and O. J. Simpson cases. She has appeared on Oprah, Good Morning America, the Today show, Larry King Live, Face the Nation, and 60 Minutes, and she has consulted with many Fortune 100 companies. She is the author of Reading People.

Reviews

[Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe if you are especially stupid, this book will help you read other people. Although, I don't know exactly how gullible you'd have to be for this book to do you any good.

It's basically filled with sage observations like, Watch how someone treats waitresses and bus boys if you want to know what kind of person they really are underneath it all. Seriously, who doesn't already know that if a person treats the 'meaningless' people in their lives like shit, then they're probably an asshole?

I'm not sure who came up with the title for the book, but they obviously hadn't read it beforehand. It makes it sound as though you can read this, and then be better able to make snap decisions when you're in a social setting. Yeah, not so much. The point that this book hammered home time and time again, is that you have to spend quite a bit of time observing and interacting with someone in order to understand their motives. Gee! I would never have thought to do that!

The last chapter was about making decisions about people or situations when you're on the fly. Trust your instinct, and err on the side of caution. Again, wow. So you're saying if I'm feeling kind of uncomfortable about this guy who is walking toward my mini-van full of kids, that I should just floor it and leave his creepy ass eating my dust?! Damn! Sure am glad I read this book!

[Eng.Noura · Rating 2 out of 5]

الكتاب حجمه جميل .. شعرت انه بيعطيني الوصفه السريه ،، ولكن للاسف فيه الكثير من الحشو لدرجه اني توقفت عن قراءته اكثر من مره ... ولاول مره بصراحه مااعتبرني انهيته بالطريقه الصحيحه حاولت اني اتجاوز الكثير من الاوراق لاصل للنهايه ...

قراءه الصفحه الاخيره من كل فصل كافيه بان تعطيك الوصفه او النصائح الجميله والمفيده .. دخول الكاتبه فالكثير من التفاصيل والحشو للنصائح الفطريه شي ممل كثيرا ...

بشكل عام الكتاب فيه نصائح جميله ولكن الحشوو والتفاصيل الكثيره ممله جدا ..

[Kevin OBrien · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good base of information

After reading the other reviews. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I am glad I bought this book. The topic of reading people is well covered. No book will make you an expert but this one gives a good base.

[Elle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hmm. I was told that this was a great book for writers to read. Well, I did enjoy the information about what it's like to work in a courtroom.

Admittedly, there was some good information in this book for observational technique when trying to learn about the people around us. Yet, the author's biases came through so very clearly that it distracted me from what she said. I found her closed-minded and intolerant of any deviation from the social norm.

I suppose it's awfully hard to associate people with specific personality traits without being judgmental, but often in her many lists of character traits, I noticed an unnecessary focus on the negative.

Maybe in the tiny controlled world that she lives in (the courtroom), her observations are on the mark, but in the real world, I just don't know.

I felt that while there was some useful information here, there was not enough to justify the length of the book.

I'd also like to note that I didn't see anything really about predicting behavior, just about slapping labels on people based upon appearance and basic background information. Much of what she said wasn't especially new or eye-opening.

Handy information if working in the courtroom, I'm sure, but not so much for me!

[Kavish · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Goodreads mob got this one wrong (again).

Apparently, the Goodreads community wouldn't know a masterpiece if it sat them down and analyzed their body language. The low rating on this book is a crime. reading People is the absolute heavyweight champion of understanding human behavior.

Warning: This isn't light beach reading for the lazy. It is dense with actual wisdom. You can't absorb this via osmosis; you need to take notes, re-read it, and actually use your brain. (Pro tip: hunt down the newer edition if you can).

this book proves my theory: the "average rating" on this site is usually average nonsense. I’m officially done letting the crowd dictate my reading list.

This book is for reading common people. If you want to read and understand toxic people, pair this with Psychopath Free and The Art of War: Survivor Edition. Also, read Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power. don’t use it to be immoral (we have enough of those people); read it so you can spot the manipulators’ playbook before they use it on you.

[Pamela D. Pope · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book 7-8 years ago. Great book for improving your skills for business networking and maximizing your time at business networking functions.

[Ugur · Rating 3 out of 5]

İnsanları Okumak’da ben de bu sene okuduğum diğer kişisel gelişim kitaplarındaki etkiyi yarattı. Bu kitap diğerlerine göre biraz daha iyiydi ve gerçek yaşamda daha çok işime yarayacak bilgiler içermekteydi. Zaten yazarının özgeçmişi de kendini ele vermekte. Bu kitap temel olarak bir insanın konuşmasından, hareketlerinden ve tavırlarından onun gerçekte ne düşündüğünü veya istediğini anlamamız için bize yardımcı olmakta. Ancak kitapta da sık sık belirttiği gibi çok iyi değilseniz aldanma şansınızın olduğunu ve sadece buradaki ayrıntılar ile karar vermemeniz gerektiği.

Gerçekten de gerçek yaşamda da insanları okuyabilmek çok önemli ve büyük bir güçtür. İş yaşamında da sık sık karşımıza insanların dedikleri ve demek istedikleri arasındaki farkların çıkarttığı sorunlar ile mücadele ederken bulabiliyoruz.

Reviewed on December 29, 2014
Overall: 3.0/5.0

[Nura · Rating 1 out of 5]

Im usually not harsh when it comes to rating books, because I believe that each book is unique in its own different way. But this book in particular disappointed me mainly because I felt that the ideas were not helpful and was not 'reader friendly'. It was boring. When I first bought the book, I had high hopes for finding useful information, but half way through the book, it became more of a scientific research. I think it can use more examples for improvement, perhaps cut down on scientific reasoning or not use it as much since it can distract the reader. Its defiantly not the BEST book on body language, but I cant deny that it did have a few interesting facts.

[Sherry · Rating 1 out of 5]

I started this book with high hopes for finding useful information for character building in my writing. I forced myself through half the book before I gave up. It's common sense: pay attention and people will tell you everything you need to know. I did find the Appendixes quite useful.

[Mike · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting insights into behavior and motivation. SOme of it's enlightening and some is just common sense.

[Funda Guzer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Başucu kitabı diyebilirim . Yeniden okunabilir. Analizler ve bakış açıları çok başarılı.

[Ananya Thakur · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever tried to judge a person on the basis of his behaviour. Have you spare your time in observing one's conduct towards the society as a whole. All of us must have passed judgements in our life, may be on the way someone dresses, or the pitch in which one chooses to speak. Judging is the intrinsic nature of human beings. Our brain undergoes a constant process of scanning our surroundings and sending messages adequately. Wittingly or unwittingly, we tend to make an opinion on everything and everyone we come across. However, most of the time our judgements prove straightforwardly wrong. Whatever opinion we had formed of someone, came out as utter opposite of what she or he might be in real. Then we started admonishing ourselves for making such erroneous judgement. The problem here is not our low judging capability. It actually is the difference between the way we asses information and the way we remark a conclusion. It can also be associated with the tremendous decrease in our listening ability.

Jo-ellan Dimitrius has, in her book, talked about every such trait in great derail. Being a PH.D. scholar and someone who has worked in many courtrooms, selecting and consulting the jury required for the cases in particular, she has somewhat mastered the skill of making right opinions at the right time. The reason i pick up the book is the title itself. The name sounds enticing to me, so i decide to give it a try. And i must say i an not in any way disappointed with it. The book begins with the discussion of what trait we need to acquire before starting our endeavor of reading people. It follows with the reasons why one fails to notice the obvious reasons and falls for fictitious ones. I personally started concentrating after five or six chapters, especially the ones dedicated to how listening is important and how actions should be considered over words.

To be honest, the first few chapters doesn't seem much compelling to me. I found the author's words contradictory at one point. Take for instance, she makes a statement first and later asserted that this could not be right. For a novice, who doesn't know anything about the subject, such statements could be proved as confusing. But, perhaps in compensation, the last chapters were extremely helpful. I remember reading every last topic in downright engrossment. Not to forget, the two sections of appendix also seemed useful. In a nutshell, the book is really insightful, showing author's immense knowledge in the area of reading people.

My Rating- 4.3/5

[Michael Compton · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book could be called Reading People for Aliens, because most of the information is so basic, very few humans will find it enlightening. Early on, there is some valuable insight as to the three characteristics that tell you the most about a person (compassion, socio-economic background, and satisfaction with life) and at the end there is a nice tool for quick evaluation. One thing I found amusing about the book is how the author frequently harps on the red flags of braggadocio or an overly-cultivated image--and yet every single anecdote she relates from her experiences bears out her brilliance. She occasionally claims she isn't perfect, but one would never know it from the stories she tells about herself. On the plus side, the book is well written and thorough.

[.öörsan. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yüzyüze, az iletişim kurmuş kişilere kılavuzluk yapabilir. "İletişimde kesin sonuçlara vardırır" düşüncesiyle okunmuyorsa faydalı bir kitap olabilir.

[Jason · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very informational and feels useful, but it's a little too much. It began to feel repetitive toward the end, and I was glad to have it over with.

[Nikki · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s fine. Lots of obvious (at least to me) stories that are basically saying pay attention to people and their behaviors. I learned a lot of this stuff watching Sherlock 😂

[Thea Marlowe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book enlightening, although reading people is often reflected by their dialogue, actions.

[Selena · Rating 1 out of 5]

Someone gave this to me as a gift a long time ago. Perhaps said gift-giver thought I did not read people well enough, maybe that I needed all the help I could get because I was so naive and gullible. Perhaps they thought it would relate to my study of psychology. Nevertheless, I did not read it to spite them. Now that it no longer matters, I'd like to get this book off of my precious "to-read" shelf at home and place it accordingly into either the "wonderful," "good," or "shit" pile.

I'm sad to say that because of my sheer lacking of a "meh" pile this will make it into the "shit" pile. Whoever marketed and titled this book never read it. It doesn't actually teach you to read people so much as it walks you though Jo-Ellen's experiences as an attorney and how that helped her relationships outside of the courtroom. She gives us such riveting revelations as "observe people to understand them," and you know, it's quite an idea. Through painfully slow baby steps she teaches us how to hone these observation skills and how to use the common sense that we have to make predictions about people.

I'm not saying that her experience as a lawyer isn't helpful but if you actually wanted to be able to read people successfully and consistently you should try reading a book by a psychologist fully trained in torture tactics. If anyone can read a person, you'd better pray to God that they can.

[Alicia Mikolajczyk · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good literature written by phd lawyer who worked with cases like OJ simpson and Rodney King. It is very insightful research of human nature....may be a little bit of annoyance repeating the same cases....but overall it's worth to read:)

[James Wilson · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is said, never judge a book by its cover, for this book is should be, never judge a book by its title. This book told mostly of the author's experience in reading people, specifically jurors. The only parts of this book to actually help others read people were the appendices.

[Rhoda Wong · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book give a lot of practical advice to analyze people's behaviour. It is a pop-psychology book that is very good for beginners in psychology.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent reference once you read it.

[Rafael Nardini · Rating 5 out of 5]

1 - Quando um humano diz que ama a família, isso não deve ser lido como afeto real. Constitui um desejo, uma projeção, uma frase importante de aceitação social. Quando submetidos a viagens ou festas familiares, brigam o tempo todo. Assim, devemos entender que o que sai da boca humana não corresponde a um sentimento de fato.

2 - Todas as brigas entre os humanos não tem como causa real o objeto da discussão. Quando eles discutem no trânsito, não discutem a ultrapassagem perigosa. Estão debatendo a insatisfação sexual e econômica. É fundamental entender essa premissa para tentar o diálogo com eles.

3 - O problema do espelho. Os humanos não conseguem se ver. Existe uma membrana no olho que impede a percepção de si. Sua única capacidade é a projeção nos outros. Toda fala é sobre algo pessoal que foi projetado na imagem alheia. Pode ser uma tática evolutiva que criou essa disposição genética.

4 - A crítica invertida. Toda crítica de um humano a outro é um elogio de sí. Sempre: Você é preguiçoso implica dizer Eu sou trabalhador. Você nunca chega na hora é igual a Veja como sou pontual. É uma espécie de vaidade com vetor trocado.

5 - A negativa geral. Quando um humano disser que deve ser breve na fala, será excessivo. Sempre que disser que Não quer atrapalhar, ele vai atrapalhar. Outros casos: Não quero ser invasivo, Deus me livre fazer fofoca, Não desejo abusar da sua paciência, significam que tudo isso está sendo negado e será levado a diante.

[Sedat Eser · Rating 4 out of 5]

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İnsanları Okumak (Jo-Ellan Dimitrius)



Sedat Eser ✨️

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5 min read

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May 21, 2024

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Jo-Ellan Dimitrius, “İnsanları Okumak” adlı kitap oldukça detaylı bir şekilde yazılmış olup , insanların davranışlarını ve kişilik özelliklerini nasıl anlayabileceğimizi ele almaktadır. Dimitrius, insanların beden dili, jestler, ve konuşma tarzları gibi unsurlarını nasıl okuyabileceğimizi ve bu bilgileri nasıl etkili bir şekilde kullanabileceğimizi anlatır. Kitap, iletişimdeki incelikleri ve insan psikolojisindeki derinlikleri anlamamıza yardımcı olur.

Yazarın Sherlock Holmes vari tespitleri hoşuma gitti. Amerika’nın bir numaralı davranış uzmanı Jo-Ellan Dimitrius bir insanı kitap gibi okuyabileceğimizi söylüyor. Görüntü, ses tonu, yüz ifadesi ve kişisel alışkanlıklardaki gizli mesajları yorumlayarak son yirmi yılda en ünlü duruşmalardaki jüri üyeleri, tanıklar, avukatlar ve yargıçların davranışlarını doğru tahmin edebilmesi ile ünlü.

Kitaptan not aldığım bölümleri ekleyeceğim fakat 453 sayfalık kitabı ayrıca detayıyla okumanızı öneririm.


Devamı için 👇


https://medium.com/@sdteser/i%CC%87ns...

[Gentleman Detective · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had pluses and minuses for me: in the pluses, it represents a good beginners guide to learning how to read people and determine their likely behaviour in a g:iven situation. There are also Key Points listed at the end of each chapter - this was particularly useful when I was making notes.

But...this book only just gets a 3-star rating, I almost stuck with my initial score of just 2: there is just too much reference, and subsequent back-slapping, to the author's successful career. This is not needed past the introduction and was boring padding. Also, some of the examples and predictions were, basically, common sense.

In summary - not bad if you can buy it cheaply and the Key Points are a useful reference. But overall a little dull.

[Mateus Levi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't really expect any groundbreaking lessons from this book, but overall it was kind of boring. Felt like a lot of it was common sense - which, granted, sometimes is not that common - and while it's good to review things you kind of naturally know the book does it in a much slower and dragging manner than I would have liked it to. Maybe it's a better read if you're younger or think you're not very good at recognizing social cues in the sense of not knowing them - because obviously (and the book reinforces it) you need to practice with actual people if you have a goal of getting better at social interaction and all.

[Mubin Veero · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really eye-opening in so many ways fr, like as I read the book, in my day-to-day life I was slowly picking up on things I'd never noticed before 🚶‍♂️ it was also fun connecting the dots between the mannerisms I read in this book and the people I know in my life 😃😃 and the part where they discuss the importance of sexual intimacy and how its being taken for granted in the modern era really stuck with me tho it was a small part 😌 overall, loved the book 🤝✨️ and also small spelling error on page 192 where it says 'exists' instead of 'exits' 🧘‍♀️

[Ebru · Rating 4 out of 5]

çevresinde olup bitene karşı dikkatli ve gözlemci biri olarak insanların dış görünümleri, hareketleri, sesleri ya da davranışları ile ilgili belirli şeylerin onların düşüncelerini ve davranışlarını tahmin etmemize yardımcı olması hep büyülü gelmiştir bana. kitap genel olarak bu konularda açıklamalarda bulunuyor. aşırı tatmin edici bir kitap olmasa da alanında yazılmış iyi kitaplar sıralamasında yer alır.

ayrıca insanları okumak noktasında bu denli farkında olup da kitap yazarları gibi jüri seçiminde etkili olmak ise bana ‘işte benim yapmak istediğim’ meslek dedirtmedi değil. ah keşke.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

After watching a few court room dramas, I became fascinated in how jurors are selected.

Jo-Ellan has been a jury consultant on many high profile court cases. It is a captivating process with many factors that are studied to understand people by their mannerisms, language and even word usage to determine how they would come to their decisions on a jury.

The book is not only mesmerizing but somewhat sad in the knowledge that some verdicts have been decided before the case comes to trial.

[Şevval Sare · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kendi jüri seçimleri deneyimlerinden yolan çıkan birkaç avukat doğru soruları sormak ve gözlemlemek üzerinden insanları okumanın anahtarlarını veriyor. Günlük hayatta aslında hepimizin bildiği fakat dikkat etmediği "ayrıntılar" üzerinden gittiği için belki klişe gibi gelebilir fakat başlangıç için çok güzel bir kitap. Tavsiye ederim :)