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No Biking in the House Without a Helmet: 9 Kids, 3 Continents, 2 Parents, 1 Family
When the two-time National Book Award finalist Melissa Fay Greene confided to friends that she and her husband planned to adopt a four-year-old boy from Bulgaria to add to their four children at home, the news threatened to place her, she writes, "among the the Kennedys, the McCaughey septuplets, the von Trapp family singers, and perhaps even Mrs. Feodor Vassilyev, who, according to the Guinness Book of World Records , gave birth to sixty-nine children in eighteenth-century Russia."
Greene is best known for her books on the civil rights movement and the African HIV/AIDS pandemic. But she and her husband have also pursued a more private parenthood. "We so loved raising our four children by birth, we didn't want to stop. When the clock started to run down on the home team, we brought in ringers."
A celebration of parenthood; an ingathering of children, through birth and out of loss and bereavement; a relishing of moments hilarious and enlightening― No Biking in the House Without a Helmet is a loving portrait of a unique twenty-first-century family as it wobbles between disaster and joy.
Greene is best known for her books on the civil rights movement and the African HIV/AIDS pandemic. But she and her husband have also pursued a more private parenthood. "We so loved raising our four children by birth, we didn't want to stop. When the clock started to run down on the home team, we brought in ringers."
A celebration of parenthood; an ingathering of children, through birth and out of loss and bereavement; a relishing of moments hilarious and enlightening― No Biking in the House Without a Helmet is a loving portrait of a unique twenty-first-century family as it wobbles between disaster and joy.
368 pages, Paperback
First published March 31, 2011
30 people are currently reading
2454 people want to read
About the author
Melissa Fay Greene
17 books99 followersMelissa Greene has been a contributor to NPR, The New York Times Magazine, The New Yorker, LIFE, Good Housekeeping, Newsweek, The Atlantic, Readers Digest, Ms., The Wilson Quarterly, Redbook, and Salon.com. She lives in Atlanta with her husband, Don Samuel, a criminal defense attorney. They have been married for 28 years and are the parents of nine children: Molly, Seth, Lee, Lily, Jesse (adopted from Bulgaria), Fisseha, Daniel, Yosef, and Helen (adopted from Ethiopia).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 440 reviews
May 27, 2011
This book is just plain joyful, and I loved it. I was only mildly interested in its topic of large families with international adoptees, and kind of expected it to be a different twist on what I think of as the typical parenting memoir: I had kids, they say funny things, I learned something about myself, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. It is that, but Greene is very very funny and a very very good writer. I could barely put the book down.
Greene had four biological children, and then got interested in international adoptions. She pitched story ideas to The New Yorker and used her fact-finding missions as opportunities to research adoptions for herself. She - and I as her reader - learned a lot. For example, many orphanages make short videos of the children who are up for adoption, which U.S. doctors then evaluate to determine if the child might have physical or psychological or developmental issues. Greene is candid about feeling as if she is shopping for a child, and also about her own abilities to handle specific ailments. She describes filling out the adoption questionnaire: "You scanned the list of what special needs you would accept, with the dawning impression - as you skipped over children with spina bifida, Down syndrome, and dwarfism without checking their boxes - that you weren't such a nice person after all" (p. 220). She describes the heartbreaking poverty of orphanages in the developing world, and of the children who follow her around there, hoping she will be their mama, and of being devastated by the severe economic and social issues that have led to those orphanages.
She is also candid about raising brown-skinned children in an upper-middle-class white and Jewish family, and of trying to keep her children connected with their original families and culture. She has to learn, for example, to provide extraordinarily spicy food for one of her Ethiopian children. She describes the history of international adoptions in the U.S., commenting that most of the early adoptions in the 1960s were Korean adoptions, so that those grown-up children are now running the international adoption agencies and helping improve practices.
But mostly the book is about the interactions among her family members, which are largely sweet (though not always - there are arguments and bursts of profanity). The overall tone, though, is exuberant. Chapter titles give a hint: "Why This is Not a Cookbook," "Squirrels We Have Known, Also Insects," and "The Jewish Guide to Raising Star Athletes."
My only complaints are that I had to keep flipping back to page 4, which lists all the children by name and birth year, because I couldn't keep them straight, and that some of the chapters seem to have been shorter stand-alone pieces that were inserted randomly into the book so that it doesn't go in chronological order and I lose track of who is where in the story. But otherwise this is one of my new favorite funny books.
Greene had four biological children, and then got interested in international adoptions. She pitched story ideas to The New Yorker and used her fact-finding missions as opportunities to research adoptions for herself. She - and I as her reader - learned a lot. For example, many orphanages make short videos of the children who are up for adoption, which U.S. doctors then evaluate to determine if the child might have physical or psychological or developmental issues. Greene is candid about feeling as if she is shopping for a child, and also about her own abilities to handle specific ailments. She describes filling out the adoption questionnaire: "You scanned the list of what special needs you would accept, with the dawning impression - as you skipped over children with spina bifida, Down syndrome, and dwarfism without checking their boxes - that you weren't such a nice person after all" (p. 220). She describes the heartbreaking poverty of orphanages in the developing world, and of the children who follow her around there, hoping she will be their mama, and of being devastated by the severe economic and social issues that have led to those orphanages.
She is also candid about raising brown-skinned children in an upper-middle-class white and Jewish family, and of trying to keep her children connected with their original families and culture. She has to learn, for example, to provide extraordinarily spicy food for one of her Ethiopian children. She describes the history of international adoptions in the U.S., commenting that most of the early adoptions in the 1960s were Korean adoptions, so that those grown-up children are now running the international adoption agencies and helping improve practices.
But mostly the book is about the interactions among her family members, which are largely sweet (though not always - there are arguments and bursts of profanity). The overall tone, though, is exuberant. Chapter titles give a hint: "Why This is Not a Cookbook," "Squirrels We Have Known, Also Insects," and "The Jewish Guide to Raising Star Athletes."
My only complaints are that I had to keep flipping back to page 4, which lists all the children by name and birth year, because I couldn't keep them straight, and that some of the chapters seem to have been shorter stand-alone pieces that were inserted randomly into the book so that it doesn't go in chronological order and I lose track of who is where in the story. But otherwise this is one of my new favorite funny books.
April 18, 2012
I find myself justifying/ explaining our choice to adopt our middle daughter quite often. To us, it just made sense, according to who we were, but the real reason why Melissa Greene adopts is because she is suffering from MAJOR empty nest syndrome.
It's not a reason I understand, but that seemed to be her overriding concern.
This book is a rambling memoir of her trip through the adoption process, and while she has a few attachment struggles (which brought back some painful/sad memories for me), she paints an almost-too-rosy picture of the struggles of international adoption. Plus they are LOADED and can large multiple trips across the globe as a family. There is little mention of finances, and very few mentions of relatives.
The most meaningful part of the book, for me, was her explanation of why and how her son is having trouble reading. As a book lover, with a biological son also addicted to books, I have been struggling with basic alphabet skills for my adopted daughter. Reading about the exact same difficulty Green had with her son encouraged and soothed me, knowing that it's a reflection of the lack of early literacy our children had.
I found myself finishing certain chapters and wondering why in the world she felt that chapter contributed to the book in any way. It's easy enough to read, but by no means fabulous - at least for me.
It's not a reason I understand, but that seemed to be her overriding concern.
This book is a rambling memoir of her trip through the adoption process, and while she has a few attachment struggles (which brought back some painful/sad memories for me), she paints an almost-too-rosy picture of the struggles of international adoption. Plus they are LOADED and can large multiple trips across the globe as a family. There is little mention of finances, and very few mentions of relatives.
The most meaningful part of the book, for me, was her explanation of why and how her son is having trouble reading. As a book lover, with a biological son also addicted to books, I have been struggling with basic alphabet skills for my adopted daughter. Reading about the exact same difficulty Green had with her son encouraged and soothed me, knowing that it's a reflection of the lack of early literacy our children had.
I found myself finishing certain chapters and wondering why in the world she felt that chapter contributed to the book in any way. It's easy enough to read, but by no means fabulous - at least for me.
February 18, 2017
Pros/Cons -- 4.5 stars in my head, 5 stars given -- cons may be more my *desires* vs what the book contained, so take that as you will.
PRO: The family's continued SUPPORT of the extended families of their adopted children. International adoption is very complicated and there have been many instances where families did not understand the full implications of adoption, or have openly lied (as is the case with one of their children's extended/bio family), and the family seems to make solid efforts to support these families when they discover their circumstances (and lies). This is a solid message to potential adoptive families: find ethical agencies, do your research, be prepared, think long and hard about these things.
CON: I wish Greene had focused more on how that kind of support can also keep families from turning to adoption as an option in the first place, and advocating for people who are interested in orphan care to look into options that care for whole families.
PRO: The family seems very open to acknowledging their children's heritages and fostering connections, and in general not viewing themselves as the saviors of their adopted children, and acknowledging the love and care the children's birth parents and extended family clearly gave some of them before they became part of their new family.
CON: I wish she had talked about how in order to do this the way they did, you have to be financially privileged. Though I suppose it's rather obvious and perhaps would have been gauche to talk openly about the fact that their status is what enables them to adopt and travel.
PRO: This book is so joyful!
CON: This book doesn't necessarily address the trauma adoptees have experienced, and focuses more on the difficulties of assimilation & transition.
PRO: Not a typical Evangelicals-called-to-adopt book (the family is Jewish)
CON: Briefly mentions how their children were told they'd need to give up their Orthodox Christianity, and this...bothered me, because they're children with an incentive to say yes to anything for a family, and not fully informed adults who might make the same decision going into, say, an interfaith marriage. But then, life is messy. I did have to chuckle about them adopting a boy named Christian. I would have appreciated a broader chapter about what it was like for their children to become Jewish -- we got hints, but just broad brush-strokes.
PRO: The author makes it clear that children had full veto power for the stories told about them.
PRO: The author's mention about how adoption is not an appropriate response to international crisis situations, saying emphatically, "Adoption is the appropriate response to only one situation: the need of a child for a new family, combined with a family’s desire for a new child."
Overall, I would recommend this to anyone considering adoption, transracial adoption and international adoption in particular, but in addition I would suggest some other books to round out the impression, ethics, and situations adoptive parents may face, including:
-The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption
by Kathryn Joyce -- https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1...
-In Their Voices: Black Americans on Transracial Adoption
by Rhonda M. Roorda -- https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...
-Outsiders Within: Writing on Transracial Adoption
by Jane Jeong Trenka (Editor), Julia Chinyere Oparah (Editor) -- https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...
PRO: The family's continued SUPPORT of the extended families of their adopted children. International adoption is very complicated and there have been many instances where families did not understand the full implications of adoption, or have openly lied (as is the case with one of their children's extended/bio family), and the family seems to make solid efforts to support these families when they discover their circumstances (and lies). This is a solid message to potential adoptive families: find ethical agencies, do your research, be prepared, think long and hard about these things.
CON: I wish Greene had focused more on how that kind of support can also keep families from turning to adoption as an option in the first place, and advocating for people who are interested in orphan care to look into options that care for whole families.
PRO: The family seems very open to acknowledging their children's heritages and fostering connections, and in general not viewing themselves as the saviors of their adopted children, and acknowledging the love and care the children's birth parents and extended family clearly gave some of them before they became part of their new family.
CON: I wish she had talked about how in order to do this the way they did, you have to be financially privileged. Though I suppose it's rather obvious and perhaps would have been gauche to talk openly about the fact that their status is what enables them to adopt and travel.
PRO: This book is so joyful!
CON: This book doesn't necessarily address the trauma adoptees have experienced, and focuses more on the difficulties of assimilation & transition.
PRO: Not a typical Evangelicals-called-to-adopt book (the family is Jewish)
CON: Briefly mentions how their children were told they'd need to give up their Orthodox Christianity, and this...bothered me, because they're children with an incentive to say yes to anything for a family, and not fully informed adults who might make the same decision going into, say, an interfaith marriage. But then, life is messy. I did have to chuckle about them adopting a boy named Christian. I would have appreciated a broader chapter about what it was like for their children to become Jewish -- we got hints, but just broad brush-strokes.
PRO: The author makes it clear that children had full veto power for the stories told about them.
PRO: The author's mention about how adoption is not an appropriate response to international crisis situations, saying emphatically, "Adoption is the appropriate response to only one situation: the need of a child for a new family, combined with a family’s desire for a new child."
Overall, I would recommend this to anyone considering adoption, transracial adoption and international adoption in particular, but in addition I would suggest some other books to round out the impression, ethics, and situations adoptive parents may face, including:
-The Child Catchers: Rescue, Trafficking, and the New Gospel of Adoption
by Kathryn Joyce -- https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1...
-In Their Voices: Black Americans on Transracial Adoption
by Rhonda M. Roorda -- https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...
-Outsiders Within: Writing on Transracial Adoption
by Jane Jeong Trenka (Editor), Julia Chinyere Oparah (Editor) -- https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...
February 7, 2012
Melissa Fay Greene is so freaking FUNNY -- and when she's writing about her family, rather than about Southern racism/a synagogue bombing/the Ethiopian orphan crisis, she can really let her comedy flag fly. (To be fair, there was humor in her "serious" books, and there's a lot of seriousness in this hilarious book.) She mocks herself constantly and she isn't sentimental -- two traits you need when you're writing about adopting five kids after having four bio ones. To nitpick, I did think the book got bogged down in her adult son Lee's volunteer work in an Ethiopian orphanage; I think her pride in Lee as a mom clouded her crafty writer/merciless editor judgment. (She completely escapes portraying herself as noble, but Lee comes off as a saint. As a mom I kvelled, but as a reader I snoozed.) I also suspect that living next door to this manic, undisciplined, loud, vivid, messy bunch -- or eating at a restaurant at the same time, or being on the same flight -- would NOT be as charming as reading about them.
All that said, I LOVED this book. Funny, honest, heartrending, educational -- what more could a reader want?
All that said, I LOVED this book. Funny, honest, heartrending, educational -- what more could a reader want?
July 27, 2011
It is with great regret that I only give Melissa Fay Greene's new book only two stars. Fifty percent of it would receive 5 stars, but the rest was so disappointing.
The five star material includes her stellar descriptions of the adoption process for each child - the emotions involved with adoption and the humorous moments (I laughed out loud many times). I was also really moved by the one son who spent a lot of time in Ethiopia and devoted many months to just playing with the kids in various orphanages, becoming a big brother to them, and eventually prompting his parents to adopt two of the boys he had grown to love deeply. I appreciate Greene's willingness to share their incredible family journey with her readers.
Part of my disappointment is that I strongly disagree with much of her parenting methods and I was saddened at the seeming absence of paternal involvement with the kids (that's how it came across in the book). The other part of the disappointing material includes unnecessary swearing throughout, how she dealt with (or failed to deal with) hard core pornography in the home, as well as family stories that were, frankly, quite a bore - such as one whole chapter devoted to the family pets. After reading There Is No Me Without You, an incredible read, my expectations were very high. If the book was cut in half, it would be great. In its present version, though, I cannot recommend it.
The five star material includes her stellar descriptions of the adoption process for each child - the emotions involved with adoption and the humorous moments (I laughed out loud many times). I was also really moved by the one son who spent a lot of time in Ethiopia and devoted many months to just playing with the kids in various orphanages, becoming a big brother to them, and eventually prompting his parents to adopt two of the boys he had grown to love deeply. I appreciate Greene's willingness to share their incredible family journey with her readers.
Part of my disappointment is that I strongly disagree with much of her parenting methods and I was saddened at the seeming absence of paternal involvement with the kids (that's how it came across in the book). The other part of the disappointing material includes unnecessary swearing throughout, how she dealt with (or failed to deal with) hard core pornography in the home, as well as family stories that were, frankly, quite a bore - such as one whole chapter devoted to the family pets. After reading There Is No Me Without You, an incredible read, my expectations were very high. If the book was cut in half, it would be great. In its present version, though, I cannot recommend it.
November 14, 2017
I can only give this book two stars for a number of reasons...
First, this woman's experience of adopting is not 'typical' - having the luxury of getting your employer (magazines etc. who contract her to write articles) to foot your travel bill so that you can go meet a child on their tab - and I'm pretty sure she does that each time she goes looking for a child - is not part of other adoptive families' stories...
Secondly, the frequent reminders that she and her husband are obviously rather flush in the income department grew wearisome.
Thirdly, she did a lot of talking but didn't really say all that much. Apart from the trips to the Ethiopian restaurant, and the hired Ethiopian nanny/cook, she doesn't say much else about how she and her family helped to integrate these adopted children into their new culture. She referenced how Jesse was the only non-Ethiopian, but it didn't seem like they ever made much effort to help him learn about his native culture. Maybe "wowing" them with their money, house, and possessions was supposed to be enough?
Additionally, as another reviewer put it perfectly when they wrote, "I also disagreed with asking David and his brother if they were willing to leave their former religion behind. Of course, out of the fear of not being wanted they agreed. If you are willing to embrace every other aspect of their culture and heritage, why not let them continue with the religion that they grew up with? I thought her comment about Fisseha's sister "Please do not offer us this girl to adopt, because what would I do with a child with a crucifix on her forehead? This would be a worse issue than someone's butt not being Jewish." was rather distasteful."
It could have been a very interesting story, and I do hope they are happy as a family, but I found myself disliking her for the smug, self-righteous, vainglorious air that permeated every level of this book.
First, this woman's experience of adopting is not 'typical' - having the luxury of getting your employer (magazines etc. who contract her to write articles) to foot your travel bill so that you can go meet a child on their tab - and I'm pretty sure she does that each time she goes looking for a child - is not part of other adoptive families' stories...
Secondly, the frequent reminders that she and her husband are obviously rather flush in the income department grew wearisome.
Thirdly, she did a lot of talking but didn't really say all that much. Apart from the trips to the Ethiopian restaurant, and the hired Ethiopian nanny/cook, she doesn't say much else about how she and her family helped to integrate these adopted children into their new culture. She referenced how Jesse was the only non-Ethiopian, but it didn't seem like they ever made much effort to help him learn about his native culture. Maybe "wowing" them with their money, house, and possessions was supposed to be enough?
Additionally, as another reviewer put it perfectly when they wrote, "I also disagreed with asking David and his brother if they were willing to leave their former religion behind. Of course, out of the fear of not being wanted they agreed. If you are willing to embrace every other aspect of their culture and heritage, why not let them continue with the religion that they grew up with? I thought her comment about Fisseha's sister "Please do not offer us this girl to adopt, because what would I do with a child with a crucifix on her forehead? This would be a worse issue than someone's butt not being Jewish." was rather distasteful."
It could have been a very interesting story, and I do hope they are happy as a family, but I found myself disliking her for the smug, self-righteous, vainglorious air that permeated every level of this book.
September 4, 2011
I have a strongly held personal rule that I only read parenting books written by people with five or more children – after an upsetting incident when I threw an insipid book across the room - a book written by a psychologist with two girls. So I was pleased to find this memoir written by a woman with 9 children – 4 biological and five adopted from Ethiopia and Bulgaria. Not that this was a parenting book, but Melissa Fay Greene humorously and without sparing her own inadequacies, tells the story of how she and her husband came to create such a family. She writes eloquently about her worst parenting moments. She explains perfectly about how she and her husband came to adopt five children. She writes beautifully about birth parents, birth countries, and what it means to make a family.
April 26, 2015
Fascinating story of a family adopting five orphans from overseas...buried inside a dull-to-the-point-of-nausea story of an author's self doubts, family tales, and pets. I think it was the pets that finally did me in. Her self doubts prior to the first adoption and her depression that followed it seemed to be an important part of the story. She was trying to be honest with us, the readers, so it was interesting in spite of her bludgeonish writing style. Someone must have told her, why tell something once when you can say it over and over again, hardly varying the words, ad nauseum?
The family tales--mostly about her biological children--were kind of interesting, but not what we were there for. At times she was trying so hard to be funny that it grated. What kind of mother honestly doesn't recognize that there was a reason why a music store wouldn't sell her pre-teen daughter a CD unless the parent came in the store and paid for it? How out of touch could she be?
And--oh my god--the pets. I really, really NOT wanted to hear about her dogs. Not to mention squirrels, hamsters, guinea pigs, ducks...none of which seemed to be told in any relation to the adoptees and their reactions to the menagerie.
i I finished it. I'd highly recommend reading the book instead of listening to the audiobook, especially if you're the kind of person who can skim over her endless listings of items. At one point she goes to an Ethiopian market and proceeds to list every single item sold there. Honest to god. I must have taken up half of a page. It's never good enough to give three examples--she always gives thirty or fifty or who knows? I lost count after ten.
So...I take back my initial comment: "Fascinating story...." This could have been a fascinating story--with editing.
On a deeper note: is it right for a person, however deeply religious they may be, to adopt children from another religion and forcibly convert them? Maybe with a baby or maybe even a five-year-old, but a nine-year-old? Isn't that like saying, I applaud your heritage, but it's wrong?
Another deeper note: I have no right to criticize her family--only her book. But I had some real issues with her family, especially her hands-off husband, her own inability to learn from mistake, and their "rules" that never were enforced. I can only hope that some of the really bad parenting she describes is simple over-dramatization, put in to try and make the book funny. It wasn't.
The family tales--mostly about her biological children--were kind of interesting, but not what we were there for. At times she was trying so hard to be funny that it grated. What kind of mother honestly doesn't recognize that there was a reason why a music store wouldn't sell her pre-teen daughter a CD unless the parent came in the store and paid for it? How out of touch could she be?
And--oh my god--the pets. I really, really NOT wanted to hear about her dogs. Not to mention squirrels, hamsters, guinea pigs, ducks...none of which seemed to be told in any relation to the adoptees and their reactions to the menagerie.
i I finished it. I'd highly recommend reading the book instead of listening to the audiobook, especially if you're the kind of person who can skim over her endless listings of items. At one point she goes to an Ethiopian market and proceeds to list every single item sold there. Honest to god. I must have taken up half of a page. It's never good enough to give three examples--she always gives thirty or fifty or who knows? I lost count after ten.
So...I take back my initial comment: "Fascinating story...." This could have been a fascinating story--with editing.
On a deeper note: is it right for a person, however deeply religious they may be, to adopt children from another religion and forcibly convert them? Maybe with a baby or maybe even a five-year-old, but a nine-year-old? Isn't that like saying, I applaud your heritage, but it's wrong?
Another deeper note: I have no right to criticize her family--only her book. But I had some real issues with her family, especially her hands-off husband, her own inability to learn from mistake, and their "rules" that never were enforced. I can only hope that some of the really bad parenting she describes is simple over-dramatization, put in to try and make the book funny. It wasn't.
June 21, 2011
I have loved Melissa Fay Greene ever since "There is no Me Without You" and have followed her blog and have been impatiently waiting for her to write about her own family. I had to read and then re-read aloud to my husband and kids the chapters on the adoption of their four-year old son from Bulgaria. We had just come home from China with our newly adopted four year-old boy and although the names and countries are different, so many stories were exactly what we're dealing with right now. Exactly. When Jesse falls to the floor in what they think is a seizure after someone eats some of his food, and then they realize it's just a hysterical tantrum.....been there, seen that. When he will not let his mother out of his sight for a single moment and she literally hides from him, well, I've spent some time locked in a closet to get just a moment of peace. What I love about the book is that these types of episodes aren't psycho-analyzed, they're presented with love and even humor. It's obvious that these are great kids (as is our wonderful boy), and to get through, you've got to find the joy. You just do. And as you look for the joy, the joy increases. I want to have dinner with the Samuel-Greene family.
The only chapter I had a hard time with was when her teenaged sons take a serious plunge into pornography and X-rated videos. I realize, sadly, that this is not a rare thing, but I felt like there was too much emphasis on how much money this was costing instead of the emotional and mental cost. I realize she certainly did not approve on any level, but it felt rather brushed-over. I would have been much more troubled.
The only chapter I had a hard time with was when her teenaged sons take a serious plunge into pornography and X-rated videos. I realize, sadly, that this is not a rare thing, but I felt like there was too much emphasis on how much money this was costing instead of the emotional and mental cost. I realize she certainly did not approve on any level, but it felt rather brushed-over. I would have been much more troubled.
September 20, 2012
While the book dragged in a few places (some chapters felt unnecessary or redundant), I really enjoyed the extended peek into this blended family. I learned quite a bit about adoption. I also really respected this couple's parenting of all their children. They set high expectations, but didn't hover. They swore, laughed off things like broken lamps or windows, empathized with the loss of a rodent-like pet, etc. They seemed fairly laid back, in general, and their kids turned out to be respectful, highly intelligent, accepting individuals. I admired the way the parents kept their adopted children's culture and extended family in the forefront and the fact that they gave hundreds of dollars to parents/grandparents/cousins in Ethiopia (which was mere pennies to them, but an EDUCATION for others). The response was always, "Of course we can help. Here you go." Amazing.
Of course, this is a very well-off family (when the dad is a defense attorney for NFL stars, I'm guessing you make some bank), who can afford trips to Africa many times in life. Not everyone has this ability, of course, but if adoption is something you're curious about, she sheds some light, for sure. And even offers some tips on blending families like this.
Of course, this is a very well-off family (when the dad is a defense attorney for NFL stars, I'm guessing you make some bank), who can afford trips to Africa many times in life. Not everyone has this ability, of course, but if adoption is something you're curious about, she sheds some light, for sure. And even offers some tips on blending families like this.
March 5, 2012
I picked this one up from the Reader's Choice shelf at my library, and I was pretty much expecting a lot of laugh-track needy quips, like the title would suggest. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that this was an honest and fascinating memoir of adoptive parenting, with genuine (not forced) humor.
Greene is a great non-fiction writer. Her style is easy to read and enjoyable. I liked the way in which she mixed family anecdotes with her personal journey of international adoption and larger issues like AIDS orphans, racism in adoption, health problems, etc.
I doubt anyone could read this book without having the thought, "Hey, why not me?" especially when reading all the warm fuzzy stuff about rescuing a child and how awesome their life in America is compared to what it would have been like if they hadn't been adopted, etc. But Greene also offers some pretty compelling reasons for why NOT you, because neither the process of adoption, nor the child's adjustment to their new life are going to be easy.
Anyway, this book not only entertained me, it also made me think and feel, which is my definition of a good read.
Greene is a great non-fiction writer. Her style is easy to read and enjoyable. I liked the way in which she mixed family anecdotes with her personal journey of international adoption and larger issues like AIDS orphans, racism in adoption, health problems, etc.
I doubt anyone could read this book without having the thought, "Hey, why not me?" especially when reading all the warm fuzzy stuff about rescuing a child and how awesome their life in America is compared to what it would have been like if they hadn't been adopted, etc. But Greene also offers some pretty compelling reasons for why NOT you, because neither the process of adoption, nor the child's adjustment to their new life are going to be easy.
Anyway, this book not only entertained me, it also made me think and feel, which is my definition of a good read.
July 21, 2011
I was hoping for more on the challenges of this blended family (like conflicting personalities and discipline) but she didn't really address any of that until the book was almost over. I also thought it was interesting that she discussed how important it was for each child to retain their original culture (Ethiopian, Bulgarian) and they made trips back to Ethiopia and attempted to maintain contact with biological family members. But when it came to religion her adopted children were expected to leave their religion behind and convert to Judaism. Why not let them keep their religion as well as the other aspects of their culture (food, language)?
July 31, 2018
This is an engaging parenting memoir about international adoption. I enjoyed both the reflections on day-to-day living in a large family and the anecdotes about traveling to Bulgaria and Ethiopia to work in orphanages and to adopt several children. The author has a very appealing writing style and I read the whole book in two days. I especially appreciated the author's honesty about her feelings of fear and uncertainty surrounding adoption, and her frankness about issues of race and religion that impacted her family.
March 7, 2011
To begin with a disclaimer, the author of this book is my first cousin, 1x removed. That said, I recall meeting her once when I was a child but haven't had much contact with them and have never met her children at all. I'd like to meet them and get to know them and that is one of the reasons I jumped on the opportunity to read this book through Amazon Vine.
No Biking in the House concerns the path one family took, pursuing multiple international adoptions as their children grew up and moved out of the house. After having four biological children, they adopted a son from Bulgaria, a daughter from Ethiopia, a son from Ethiopia and then two brothers from Ethiopia.
There's humor throughout, an openness where the author isn't afraid to appear silly and plenty of soul searching about whether or not pursuing the adoptions was the right thing to do for her family. I really liked the chapter where developmental disabilities in the international adoption community are discussed as I know more than one family that is dealing with severe and multiple disabilities in their children who were adopted from Russia and other Eastern European countries. This is a huge issue and one that needs to be addressed and not stepped into blindly.
Yet stepping blindly is exactly where I feel this family went when they adopted two older brothers from Ethiopia after one of their sons volunteered in Ethiopia. The son called home and begged his parents to adopt the boys because no one else would take them as they were older and brothers. There didn't appear to be any thought given to the very dramatic effect this adoption would have on their entire family. I'm sure there was plenty but it didn't come across in the writing. While the author does acknowledge that afterward, it felt more like a "group home" than a "family" I came away bewildered as so much attention was paid to this with previous adoptions. I never had the sense that these two boys had been entirely assimilated into the family and I hope that has changed.
Overall, interesting and engaging but the last few chapters lost me. I'd love an update in a couple of years as I feel this story is one that needs a little more time. I look forward to meeting all of them one day!
No Biking in the House concerns the path one family took, pursuing multiple international adoptions as their children grew up and moved out of the house. After having four biological children, they adopted a son from Bulgaria, a daughter from Ethiopia, a son from Ethiopia and then two brothers from Ethiopia.
There's humor throughout, an openness where the author isn't afraid to appear silly and plenty of soul searching about whether or not pursuing the adoptions was the right thing to do for her family. I really liked the chapter where developmental disabilities in the international adoption community are discussed as I know more than one family that is dealing with severe and multiple disabilities in their children who were adopted from Russia and other Eastern European countries. This is a huge issue and one that needs to be addressed and not stepped into blindly.
Yet stepping blindly is exactly where I feel this family went when they adopted two older brothers from Ethiopia after one of their sons volunteered in Ethiopia. The son called home and begged his parents to adopt the boys because no one else would take them as they were older and brothers. There didn't appear to be any thought given to the very dramatic effect this adoption would have on their entire family. I'm sure there was plenty but it didn't come across in the writing. While the author does acknowledge that afterward, it felt more like a "group home" than a "family" I came away bewildered as so much attention was paid to this with previous adoptions. I never had the sense that these two boys had been entirely assimilated into the family and I hope that has changed.
Overall, interesting and engaging but the last few chapters lost me. I'd love an update in a couple of years as I feel this story is one that needs a little more time. I look forward to meeting all of them one day!
June 20, 2014
A few things that stood out for me here:
First, I had almost no trouble keeping track of who was who. That's hard, when you're writing about nine kids and two adults (and various friends and relatives and acquaintances). It helps, of course, that the characters are gradually introduced; the story is chronological, charting Greene's forays first into biological parenthood and then, tentatively, into adoption. Also interesting to see how differently the kids adapted, depending largely, it would appear, upon circumstance and background.
Second, I read There Is No Me Without You right before reading this, and I recommend doing the same -- reading There Is No Me Without You first and No Biking in the House Without a Helmet shortly thereafter. They're good books in their own rights, and certainly would stand on their own, but I loved having that little bit of extra information here and there: remembering that Greene had told this or that story and seeing what those stories meant in a different context; getting a narrower, more concise view of Haregeqoin Teferra, the woman on whom There Is No Me Without You focuses.
And, just for the hell of it: One of the things that characterised the book most strongly for me was the note at the end, where Greene says that yes, her kids had read the book and had veto power, and yes, they'd used it at times, and yes, Jesse had given the go-ahead to one particular story. For some reason that just strikes me as a good example of this family working. Besides, whatever stories were left out don't seem to have left holes, just a funny, compassionate, smart book.
First, I had almost no trouble keeping track of who was who. That's hard, when you're writing about nine kids and two adults (and various friends and relatives and acquaintances). It helps, of course, that the characters are gradually introduced; the story is chronological, charting Greene's forays first into biological parenthood and then, tentatively, into adoption. Also interesting to see how differently the kids adapted, depending largely, it would appear, upon circumstance and background.
Second, I read There Is No Me Without You right before reading this, and I recommend doing the same -- reading There Is No Me Without You first and No Biking in the House Without a Helmet shortly thereafter. They're good books in their own rights, and certainly would stand on their own, but I loved having that little bit of extra information here and there: remembering that Greene had told this or that story and seeing what those stories meant in a different context; getting a narrower, more concise view of Haregeqoin Teferra, the woman on whom There Is No Me Without You focuses.
And, just for the hell of it: One of the things that characterised the book most strongly for me was the note at the end, where Greene says that yes, her kids had read the book and had veto power, and yes, they'd used it at times, and yes, Jesse had given the go-ahead to one particular story. For some reason that just strikes me as a good example of this family working. Besides, whatever stories were left out don't seem to have left holes, just a funny, compassionate, smart book.
November 29, 2011
I liked this, it's light without being fluffy, sweet without the saccharine after-taste and humourous.
Melissa Fay Greene is a non-fiction journalist of repute, but this is more of a personal story of how and she and her family adopted 5 children from overseas. The beginning of the book is slower and more sombre, as she researches intercountry adoption and discusses the terrible effects of post-institutionalism on children. Anyone my age (40s) must surely remember the opening of those wicked wicked orphanages in Romania. And yet these places still exist in Eastern European countries, and especially for children with disabilities. As teh mother of a child with intellectual disabilities it just breaks my heart, and it's hard to read of someone comtemplating adoption and absolutely determined not to take a child with disabilities. And yet as much as I love my child, he's hard hard work and our life is much smaller because of him, so I understand completely her concerns and resesarch. But it's still hard and heartbreaking to read.
The adoptions open the (biological) family to cultures and experiences and relationships they would never have entertained the idea of. The chapters are short and an insight the different children's personalities and stories. The author is honest with her parenting mistakes - I was a punk rocker as a teen so felt she totally over-reacted to her daughter's interest, but I appreciated her telling the story and sharing her hindsight view. The (biological)family (and then the adopted kids)are also very Jewish American, which is intriguing to me, coming from another country and culture. Hapyy to recommend this :)
Melissa Fay Greene is a non-fiction journalist of repute, but this is more of a personal story of how and she and her family adopted 5 children from overseas. The beginning of the book is slower and more sombre, as she researches intercountry adoption and discusses the terrible effects of post-institutionalism on children. Anyone my age (40s) must surely remember the opening of those wicked wicked orphanages in Romania. And yet these places still exist in Eastern European countries, and especially for children with disabilities. As teh mother of a child with intellectual disabilities it just breaks my heart, and it's hard to read of someone comtemplating adoption and absolutely determined not to take a child with disabilities. And yet as much as I love my child, he's hard hard work and our life is much smaller because of him, so I understand completely her concerns and resesarch. But it's still hard and heartbreaking to read.
The adoptions open the (biological) family to cultures and experiences and relationships they would never have entertained the idea of. The chapters are short and an insight the different children's personalities and stories. The author is honest with her parenting mistakes - I was a punk rocker as a teen so felt she totally over-reacted to her daughter's interest, but I appreciated her telling the story and sharing her hindsight view. The (biological)family (and then the adopted kids)are also very Jewish American, which is intriguing to me, coming from another country and culture. Hapyy to recommend this :)
February 9, 2012
I loved this book for the joy it gave me. It wasn't the first time I picked it up. I had read bits of it in magazines, and started it at least once without finishing. I think the difference was that this time I got as far as the Ethiopian adoptions and then I was truly captivated. Living in Ethiopia for 4 1/2 years, our family met and hosted several American and Canadian families who had come to adopt. I always had mixed feelings about it, worrying about the suffering of the families who gave up their children for adoption and worrying about the children's adjustment to American life and integration into their new families, and feeling sadness that the adoptions, while opening up opportunities, also meant probably leaving Ethiopian culture and heritage behind. Greene's story is almost like a best case scenario happy ending to the loose ends of these half-witnessed adoption experiences. In the Samuel family, the children, though they become Jewish Americans through adoption, retained a sense of their heritage and kinship thanks to ongoing ties to their remaining biological family members (which mom Melissa pursued, nurtured and supported), a family return-visit, an Ethiopian babysitter, and connections to the local Ethiopian community in their new hometown of Atlanta. And the story of how they all become a family is inspirational and heartwarming. I still see international adoption as a complicated issue, but I celebrate the Samuels and the beautiful family they have created together.
June 4, 2012
June book group selection.
There were many reasons to like the book. The first several chapters were laugh-out-loud funny. Then the mood changed greatly as the author and her husband began searching for a child to adopt, and then another and more from various third-world countries. Melissa Greene also introduces other families who have also adopted as they have. She writes well and with sensitivity and honesty of her family's experiences in their expansion.
Page 131, she gives a very interesting description of the barren hills of Ethiopia where skeletal remains of Lucy, the 3.2 million-year-old hominid was found.
Gotta love Melissa's neighbor and friend's handling of a family meltdown, p. 286.
Daniel's poem six months after arriving in America speaking no English, p. 302.
Page 342 summarizes what they gained in the adoption of five children from Bulgaria, Nigeria and Ethiopia as well as the incident that ultimately became the title of the book.
A very interesting read.
There were many reasons to like the book. The first several chapters were laugh-out-loud funny. Then the mood changed greatly as the author and her husband began searching for a child to adopt, and then another and more from various third-world countries. Melissa Greene also introduces other families who have also adopted as they have. She writes well and with sensitivity and honesty of her family's experiences in their expansion.
Page 131, she gives a very interesting description of the barren hills of Ethiopia where skeletal remains of Lucy, the 3.2 million-year-old hominid was found.
Gotta love Melissa's neighbor and friend's handling of a family meltdown, p. 286.
Daniel's poem six months after arriving in America speaking no English, p. 302.
Page 342 summarizes what they gained in the adoption of five children from Bulgaria, Nigeria and Ethiopia as well as the incident that ultimately became the title of the book.
A very interesting read.
July 7, 2012
I think it's amazing that Melissa Greene opened her heart and home to 5 orphaned children from other countries. I would have given it more stars if it weren't for the swearing, this story is too beautiful to ruin with curse words. I also disagreed with asking David and his brother if they were willing to leave their former religion behind. Of course, out of the fear of not being wanted they agreed. If you are willing to embrace every other aspect of their culture and heritage, why not let them continue with the religion that they grew up with? I thought her comment about Fisseha's sister "Please do not offer us this girl to adopt, because what would I do with a child with a crucifix on her forehead? This would be a worse issue than someone's butt not being Jewish." was rather distasteful.
May 24, 2012
I won a copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads.
I'm the oldest of 10 children in an adoptive, mixed-race family. Greene has 4 birth children and 5 adopted children, and this memoir details how her family came together and the adoption stories of each child, along with stories of daily life in her family. Obviously this was deeply personal for me so it was wonderful to read such a familiar story that very few people understand. However, the book was also very well-written, engaging and funny, so I would absolutely recommend it to everyone, and, in fact, if more people read it, it might make our lives easier!
I'm the oldest of 10 children in an adoptive, mixed-race family. Greene has 4 birth children and 5 adopted children, and this memoir details how her family came together and the adoption stories of each child, along with stories of daily life in her family. Obviously this was deeply personal for me so it was wonderful to read such a familiar story that very few people understand. However, the book was also very well-written, engaging and funny, so I would absolutely recommend it to everyone, and, in fact, if more people read it, it might make our lives easier!
March 5, 2019
Super impressed with the Greene family for adopting five additional children while loving, teaching and helping them each navigate a new country, friends, customs and religion. Shout out to the narrator, Coleen Marlo for pronouncing Ethiopian words that I've never heard before but sounded so lovely.
Well told personal story with humor and dignity. I'd give it five stars but I don't like listening to swear words - that's just me.
Well told personal story with humor and dignity. I'd give it five stars but I don't like listening to swear words - that's just me.
February 20, 2012
I just loved this story. It was honest and told with love ( that's no euphemism for poorly written either).
May 12, 2015
I loved this book. Outside of a few minor quibbles about how lightly the author treats certain subjects, the memoir is touching, humorous, engaging and inspiring.
December 26, 2016
Good read of a mother's story of 4 birth and 5 adopted children and the joys and challenges of family.
June 22, 2017
DNF...the overall tone was a bit too self-satisfied for my taste and not really focused on the aspects of foster care and adoption that interest me.
August 4, 2024
If you've read the publisher's blurb, you have some idea of what this book is about. What it doesn't say, however, is that you may fall in love with this warm, wonderful, and rather different family. I laughed; I cried; I cheered; I worried ... and I have been missing each and every family member since I finished the final sentence. I don't often read books more than once, but I will definitely come back to this one. I'm thankful to my longtime friend and Goodreads follower, Nolan Crabb, who reviewed this several weeks ago; it's been many years since a book touched me as deeply as this one did.
August 1, 2019
In "No Biking in the House Without a Helmet," Melissa Fay Greene tells the story of how she and her husband, Don, built their family of biological and adopted children. Fay Greene is an incredible writer who has won numerous awards for her writing. I bring this up because it is rare to read such a well-written autobiography with so much heart. She seamlessly weaves stories together from the lives of all of her children, and does not shy away from sharing the hard times the family faced as well as the successes. I cried many times in the book and with each chapter felt as though I gained a more profound understanding of the beauty and challenges of adoption. There is a good reason this book is highly recommended as an adoption "must read" on almost every list I found.
I do want to warn those who read this book, that reality doesn't always have a happy ending. When I finished the book I felt content knowing that such a lovely family existed and I also wanted to know what they were doing now. After a quick google search, my heart stopped. I saw the words "eulogy" and the name of one of Fay Greene's beautiful and charismatic adopted children, Fisseha. I felt I had grown to know him in the book, he was caring, optimistic, and endlessly talented. I found it impossible that he had ended his own life. When I researched further I found this article by Fay Greene describing the family's attempts to understand what had brought their son and brother to this final act and her attempts to shed light on suicide itself (https://www.thecut.com/2018/06/a-moth...). I also learned that adopted children are more likely to commit suicide. The causation isn't entirely understood, but in the case of Fisseha perhaps the intense trauma of his youth was repressed beneath wells of joy and one day surfaced without his control.
While reading "No Biking in the House Without a Helmet," I felt grateful that Faye Greene and her family had decided to share their life story with others and demystify the process of adoption for families across the world. I can't begin to imagine the pain of losing a child, and feel eternally thankful that Faye Greene continues to share her story in order to help adopted parents better understand and care for their children.
I do want to warn those who read this book, that reality doesn't always have a happy ending. When I finished the book I felt content knowing that such a lovely family existed and I also wanted to know what they were doing now. After a quick google search, my heart stopped. I saw the words "eulogy" and the name of one of Fay Greene's beautiful and charismatic adopted children, Fisseha. I felt I had grown to know him in the book, he was caring, optimistic, and endlessly talented. I found it impossible that he had ended his own life. When I researched further I found this article by Fay Greene describing the family's attempts to understand what had brought their son and brother to this final act and her attempts to shed light on suicide itself (https://www.thecut.com/2018/06/a-moth...). I also learned that adopted children are more likely to commit suicide. The causation isn't entirely understood, but in the case of Fisseha perhaps the intense trauma of his youth was repressed beneath wells of joy and one day surfaced without his control.
While reading "No Biking in the House Without a Helmet," I felt grateful that Faye Greene and her family had decided to share their life story with others and demystify the process of adoption for families across the world. I can't begin to imagine the pain of losing a child, and feel eternally thankful that Faye Greene continues to share her story in order to help adopted parents better understand and care for their children.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 24, 2012
I had the pleasure of meeting Melissa Faye Greene at the Austin Jewish Book Fair in November. She was there to sign No Biking in the House Without a Helmet (Sarah Crichton Books, 2011)and to provide the opening address. No Biking is a memoir chronicling how she and her family of six (mom, dad, four kids) adopted five orphans from overseas—one Bulgarian-Romani and four Ethiopian—over a period of eight years.
Gotta love this woman, gotta read her book. Smart, witty, warm—in person and in print. Greene is an award-winning journalist best known for her books on the civil rights movement and the African HIV/AIDS pandemic. NYU’s journalism department named Praying for Sheetrock one of the top 100 works of journalism in the 20th Century. But at the lectern, she’s a poet-performer. She belongs on the Chauttauqua lecture circuit of yore, delighting audiences with her wisdom and charm.
For Greene, writing in the first person was both unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Clearly, she overcame those obstacles. But this memoir is no bildungsroman in that it’s not about her. It’s about her family—the decisions they made, the antics they performed, and the travails they passed through. Greene readily acknowledges the depression she slipped into and the seemingly insurmountable challenges presented by children whose starts in life were so tenuous. With the clear-headedness that comes with her profession, she observes her surroundings, arms herself with information, weighs possible outcomes, and soldiers on.
At the lectern, Greene is something of a comedian. Many of the funny stories she shared in Austin came verbatim from the book. There’s Jesse, the first adoptee, taunting Helen, the second, that if she doesn’t remove her underpants when she bathes in the mikveh to be converted, her butt won’t be Jewish. There’s Greene’s biological daughter, Lily, at age two, waving good-bye to a strip of plastic ribbon whipping in the wind at a gas station as Lily imagines this stop was the much anticipated family trip to Disney World and the ribbon, Tinkerbell. There’s Fisseha, the second Ethiopian adoptee, who spears a flying Frisbee with a bicycle safety flag pole and teaches the neighborhood kids to make slingshots and whips from tree bark and plants.
Yet, in the book, Greene’s hilarity is tempered by her encounters with the chilling circumstances from which she plucks these new additions and the baggage that comes with them. Jesse was separated from his parents in infancy and lived the first four years of his life in an institution, making it especially hard for him to learn to play or to feel safe. The other children who lost their parents to AIDS were held and loved when young, but they are old enough to remember and to miss the families and homeland left behind. But as Greene writes, “The power of the human mind to repair itself is a remarkable thing.”
I don’t believe I would have read this memoir if I hadn’t heard Greene speak. Her audience is international adoptive families as well as readers of her previous books who want to know more about this journalist’s life. As a thoroughbred skeptic, I’m not inclined to believe anyone could assume the burden of adopting five challenging children without some hidden—possibly unhealthy—motive. Yet, from what I’ve read and what I’ve seen, I can only conclude that she’s the real thing . . . the genuine article. And the human community is lucky to have her—as journalist, mother, wife, and human being.
Gotta love this woman, gotta read her book. Smart, witty, warm—in person and in print. Greene is an award-winning journalist best known for her books on the civil rights movement and the African HIV/AIDS pandemic. NYU’s journalism department named Praying for Sheetrock one of the top 100 works of journalism in the 20th Century. But at the lectern, she’s a poet-performer. She belongs on the Chauttauqua lecture circuit of yore, delighting audiences with her wisdom and charm.
For Greene, writing in the first person was both unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Clearly, she overcame those obstacles. But this memoir is no bildungsroman in that it’s not about her. It’s about her family—the decisions they made, the antics they performed, and the travails they passed through. Greene readily acknowledges the depression she slipped into and the seemingly insurmountable challenges presented by children whose starts in life were so tenuous. With the clear-headedness that comes with her profession, she observes her surroundings, arms herself with information, weighs possible outcomes, and soldiers on.
At the lectern, Greene is something of a comedian. Many of the funny stories she shared in Austin came verbatim from the book. There’s Jesse, the first adoptee, taunting Helen, the second, that if she doesn’t remove her underpants when she bathes in the mikveh to be converted, her butt won’t be Jewish. There’s Greene’s biological daughter, Lily, at age two, waving good-bye to a strip of plastic ribbon whipping in the wind at a gas station as Lily imagines this stop was the much anticipated family trip to Disney World and the ribbon, Tinkerbell. There’s Fisseha, the second Ethiopian adoptee, who spears a flying Frisbee with a bicycle safety flag pole and teaches the neighborhood kids to make slingshots and whips from tree bark and plants.
Yet, in the book, Greene’s hilarity is tempered by her encounters with the chilling circumstances from which she plucks these new additions and the baggage that comes with them. Jesse was separated from his parents in infancy and lived the first four years of his life in an institution, making it especially hard for him to learn to play or to feel safe. The other children who lost their parents to AIDS were held and loved when young, but they are old enough to remember and to miss the families and homeland left behind. But as Greene writes, “The power of the human mind to repair itself is a remarkable thing.”
I don’t believe I would have read this memoir if I hadn’t heard Greene speak. Her audience is international adoptive families as well as readers of her previous books who want to know more about this journalist’s life. As a thoroughbred skeptic, I’m not inclined to believe anyone could assume the burden of adopting five challenging children without some hidden—possibly unhealthy—motive. Yet, from what I’ve read and what I’ve seen, I can only conclude that she’s the real thing . . . the genuine article. And the human community is lucky to have her—as journalist, mother, wife, and human being.
August 2, 2012
At some point parents are faced with the prospect of the "empty nest syndrome". Some parents deal with it by moving to a big city (like my husband and I did- don't worry though, we told the kids and gave them our new address), some take up new hobbies, and Melissa Fay Greene and her husband met the challenge by adopting children from Bulgaria and Ethiopia, as told in No Biking in the House Without a Helmet.
The Samuels (Don is a criminal defense attorney, Melissa a writer) had four children, and their oldest of four Molly was heading off to college, when Melissa began to think what life would be like when they weren't bringing cupcakes, providing emergency phone numbers, or giving standing ovations at the school play.
The introduction to the book is hilarious, with Greene recounting her son answering the telephone and yelling "Daddy, it's for you! I think it's a criminal!" Another funny anecdote concerns Greene "helping too much with homework", and groaning "when the teacher's memo (for the science fair project) comes home, glancing at my calendar to see when I'll have time to get it done." When her sixth-grade son's friend calls late at night, she tells him "Lee's asleep. But what did you get for "How does Montesquieu show that self-interest can overawe justice in human affairs?" Lee came home a few days later and informed his mother that she got a 74 on that homework.
After having a miscarriage, adoption is discussed. Greene gets on her computer and finds several adoption websites where you can see photos of children available for adoption.
"Some adoption agencies offered "delivery." You could adopt without leaving your desk! "I'd better be careful not to hit accidentally hit Send," I told Donny. "We could open the door one day and find some little kid standing there with a suitcase."
While Greene writes with warm humor, she also writes movingly of her travels first to Bulgaria and later to Ethiopia to bring home two children. She is honest about the challenges faced bringing into their family children who didn't speak English.
She inspired her oldest son Lee, and he spent one summer volunteering in the same orphanage from where they got Helen. That chapter of the book was so lovely, this bright, caring young man sharing his talents and time with these kids who adored him. Greene was a little too inspiring though, and Lee called home and asked his parents to take in two older boys who had no one else, and whose chances for adoption were small.
The Samuels are a normal family; they love, they laugh, the fight. They went through a particularly bumpy time for awhile when two of the teenage boys were literally fighting and it affected the entire family.
Greene is a wonderful writer: honest, empathetic and funny. I fell in love with the Samuel family, no more so than when one of their biological children bemoaned the fact that if they adopted two more Ethiopians he would move farther down the list as fastest runner in the family.
This is a beautiful book, a testament to the strength of a loving family, with all the laughs and frustrations that being part of that family entails.
The Samuels (Don is a criminal defense attorney, Melissa a writer) had four children, and their oldest of four Molly was heading off to college, when Melissa began to think what life would be like when they weren't bringing cupcakes, providing emergency phone numbers, or giving standing ovations at the school play.
The introduction to the book is hilarious, with Greene recounting her son answering the telephone and yelling "Daddy, it's for you! I think it's a criminal!" Another funny anecdote concerns Greene "helping too much with homework", and groaning "when the teacher's memo (for the science fair project) comes home, glancing at my calendar to see when I'll have time to get it done." When her sixth-grade son's friend calls late at night, she tells him "Lee's asleep. But what did you get for "How does Montesquieu show that self-interest can overawe justice in human affairs?" Lee came home a few days later and informed his mother that she got a 74 on that homework.
After having a miscarriage, adoption is discussed. Greene gets on her computer and finds several adoption websites where you can see photos of children available for adoption.
"Some adoption agencies offered "delivery." You could adopt without leaving your desk! "I'd better be careful not to hit accidentally hit Send," I told Donny. "We could open the door one day and find some little kid standing there with a suitcase."
While Greene writes with warm humor, she also writes movingly of her travels first to Bulgaria and later to Ethiopia to bring home two children. She is honest about the challenges faced bringing into their family children who didn't speak English.
She inspired her oldest son Lee, and he spent one summer volunteering in the same orphanage from where they got Helen. That chapter of the book was so lovely, this bright, caring young man sharing his talents and time with these kids who adored him. Greene was a little too inspiring though, and Lee called home and asked his parents to take in two older boys who had no one else, and whose chances for adoption were small.
The Samuels are a normal family; they love, they laugh, the fight. They went through a particularly bumpy time for awhile when two of the teenage boys were literally fighting and it affected the entire family.
Greene is a wonderful writer: honest, empathetic and funny. I fell in love with the Samuel family, no more so than when one of their biological children bemoaned the fact that if they adopted two more Ethiopians he would move farther down the list as fastest runner in the family.
This is a beautiful book, a testament to the strength of a loving family, with all the laughs and frustrations that being part of that family entails.
December 24, 2011
I read "There is No Me Without You" by this author a few years ago. I thought that was a great book about Ethiopia and adoption there. I figured it would be great to read this biographical book by the same author to see her personal experience with adopting in Ethiopia (and Bulgaria).
I really liked this book. It offered a pretty honest portrayal of what it must be like to adopt. She was honest with all the exasperating and thrilling details of adopting. She made it seem difficult (as it is) but ultimately worth it. One of the nice things about being very honest, is that it didn't make her seem like a perfect person - in fact, downright unlikable at times. But, that's part of the charm, and realism, of the book.
She also offered a lot of experiences and advice that could be put into practical use for adoptive parents, of which we will be a part some day.
The part that really got on my nerves in this book, though, was that of religion. The author seemed exceedingly open to all cultural and racial differences, but very often seemed closed when it comes to religion. She expected all her children to be Jewish, which is her right and not much different than any other parent indoctrinating his or her children into religion, but I thought it a bit strange coming from such a multi-cultural family. All of the children were expected, and encouraged, to keep their own identity including cultural and racial and national (which is fantastic), but they were all expected to become Jewish. I don't think that there was religious close-mindedness in the family as an overarching theme (afterall, one of the adoptive sons went to a Quaker school) but it came across often enough. When the family was adopting two children (desperate to be adopted) it seemed the second thing out of her mouth other than, "Hey we want to adopt you!" Was, "Oh, by the way, we are Jewish and you will be too." I don't think that telling a desperate child that he will be adopted is the best time to push religious beliefs on him. At another time, she met a child with a crucifix tattooed on her forehead (Ethiopia is a largely Christian country) and all she could think about was if she were to adopt her, how she would explain the tattoo to others, since she was Jewish. Those things, while I admired them in their honest nature, rubbed me entirely the wrong way. In addition, she seemed to really favor and enjoy her biological children more. I can understand that to a point, because she knew them their whole lives and got to mold them from birth - while the adopted children were not that easy. Perhaps, in 10 or 15 years, that disconnect will not still be there in her writing.
Anyway, overall I think it was a great read regarding international adoption and large families. Though, there were a couple things that I did not like. However, I felt I could look past those things enough to get the point that the author was really trying to make - that adoption is incredibly difficult, and incredibly rewarding.
Yes, I recommend it!
I really liked this book. It offered a pretty honest portrayal of what it must be like to adopt. She was honest with all the exasperating and thrilling details of adopting. She made it seem difficult (as it is) but ultimately worth it. One of the nice things about being very honest, is that it didn't make her seem like a perfect person - in fact, downright unlikable at times. But, that's part of the charm, and realism, of the book.
She also offered a lot of experiences and advice that could be put into practical use for adoptive parents, of which we will be a part some day.
The part that really got on my nerves in this book, though, was that of religion. The author seemed exceedingly open to all cultural and racial differences, but very often seemed closed when it comes to religion. She expected all her children to be Jewish, which is her right and not much different than any other parent indoctrinating his or her children into religion, but I thought it a bit strange coming from such a multi-cultural family. All of the children were expected, and encouraged, to keep their own identity including cultural and racial and national (which is fantastic), but they were all expected to become Jewish. I don't think that there was religious close-mindedness in the family as an overarching theme (afterall, one of the adoptive sons went to a Quaker school) but it came across often enough. When the family was adopting two children (desperate to be adopted) it seemed the second thing out of her mouth other than, "Hey we want to adopt you!" Was, "Oh, by the way, we are Jewish and you will be too." I don't think that telling a desperate child that he will be adopted is the best time to push religious beliefs on him. At another time, she met a child with a crucifix tattooed on her forehead (Ethiopia is a largely Christian country) and all she could think about was if she were to adopt her, how she would explain the tattoo to others, since she was Jewish. Those things, while I admired them in their honest nature, rubbed me entirely the wrong way. In addition, she seemed to really favor and enjoy her biological children more. I can understand that to a point, because she knew them their whole lives and got to mold them from birth - while the adopted children were not that easy. Perhaps, in 10 or 15 years, that disconnect will not still be there in her writing.
Anyway, overall I think it was a great read regarding international adoption and large families. Though, there were a couple things that I did not like. However, I felt I could look past those things enough to get the point that the author was really trying to make - that adoption is incredibly difficult, and incredibly rewarding.
Yes, I recommend it!
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