fat girl: a true story by judith moore. i was pretty displeased with this book. it was mostly about her shit childhood (created by the fact that she was fat) but her fatness seemed almost incidental to everything else. the author was a nea and guggenheim winner, but, of course, i thought the writing was commonplace and uninspired. i didn't want to finish the book, but of course i did. but, here's two passages of note:
... a white Chrysler convertible, top down, sped south, toward me. Four boys were in teh convertible, college boys is what they looked like, and probably were. A grin spread across the face of teh boy in the front passenger seat and I knew something was coming. "Oink, oink, oink," he squealed. HIs companions joined him, "Oink, oink, oink." And, a two-fingered high-pitched whistle and "Sooey, sooey, pig." Then they were gone ... This was not the first time in my life that someone had called out to me, "Sooey, sooey, pig." I was used to being called names, and in a way, I had--and have--ceased to care that people did and do this
see, people DO shout things at fat people. you think i'm lying but i'm not. but i totally do not believe that the author stopped caring what people shouted at her. sure, maybe she's a better person than i am, but it always has and always will hurt and i will always care.
When you are fat, you are fat every day. But you do not feel fat every day. You look fat, and everyone who looks at you sees a fat girl. And yet you are surprised that everyone sees you as fat. Every time you feel pretty, the spell is broken, either you see yourself in a mirror or some boy screams"Pig Face" or a pretty girl looks at you and then looks away and you see sadness in her eyes or you see disgust and dismay.
so true. and this is why i hate going out to meet people. while i'm getting ready, i can trick myself that i look okay, but then i do that final look in the mirror, and then have to stand in front of a wall mirror while i wait for the elevator, and i realize that i am FAT. and that i look horrible. and that i will never, never, never look good--to anyone, even those who care about me--as long as i am this fat