Welcome to "Digging More Holes than 'Holes'" or The Sweet Life #3, "Too Many Doubts."
Sigh.
When we last left our Fly Dunces of Sweet Valley, things were getting just a trifle messy. This one does end in a cliffhanger, natch, but it doesn't really make much progress from Lies and Omissions. It was rather boring.... kind of like all the Sweet Valley books not about Jessica and Elizabeth (and even some that were about them).
So let's get Lila out of the way. I hate to say that, but she is no longer the Lila that was actually lovable. Now that Jessica has "matured" (I believe in everyone's redemption except for Jessica Wakefield's) Lila has been turned into the borderline sociopathic character. Her plot in the last "book" (a term that should always be used loosely with Sweet Valley) involved her dropping the bomb to her reality TV costars that she was pregnant. She only says this, of course, so that she can win Ken back after treating him horribly in Part 1. Jessica actually hates the idea and asks Lila if she is going to keep up her charade. Lila says it's working fantabulously, so why not? By being "pregnant," Lila has managed to gain the upper hand over Miss Size 12 Ashley Morgan. Most of The Real Housewives of Sweet Valley are siding with Team Fowler. Lo and behold, Ken actually does take Lila back, truly believing that she is pregnant. Lila plans to cry miscarriage soon enough. I, for one, can't wait to watch that bomb blow up in her face. Once she has Ken back in her perfectly manicured talons, she notes that he is the closest she has gotten to love. I wanted to cause Francine pain right then and there. Lila used to be delicate and more than capable of love. Tisiano? Bruce fucking Patman? Shit, Lila had some epic romances. And SHE was the one calling Jessica's bullshit, not the other way around. If Lila cannot even truly care for Ken, then how can we care about them as a couple?
Steven and Aaron pop up again in the plot to cause a bit of drama. It was the only exciting thing to happen until you realized that it really wasn't that exciting after all. It's still the same old nurture this way vs. nurture that way in Casa Wakefield/Dallas. Then we learn that they have hired a nanny for little Emma, aka the new Jessica Wakefield. I've already forgotten the nanny's name, because it's some ridiculously stupid concoction of a name that is only given to nannies. Anyway, she was the only nanny who passed the test for baby Emma. So Nanny takes her to the park one day and thinks about how much she LOVES kids. Until she sees her adult friend and realizes that she wants adult conversation. This woman's name is Melissa and apparently Nanny knows her. They talk as Nanny puts Emma in a swing and then Melissa tells her (Nanny) she forgot her phone on the bench. She says that Nanny should go get her phone while she watches Emma. Nanny is as stupid as everyone else in Sweet Valley, so she leaves the baby with this woman she kinda sorta but not really knows. So, as you can imagine, when she comes back the baby, and Melissa, are gone. So 911 is called and Steven and Aaron freak out for five seconds until Nanny describes the woman and Steven realizes that Melissa is not really Melissa but instead the woman who was the surrogate of Emma! Now that the police have a lead Steven is confident they will find them. (Based on what, evidence of the Sweet Valley Police Department's good work?) No need. "Melissa" soon drops off baby Emma on the doorstep saying that she is sick of the baby's wail. We are told that this surrogate is a golddigger but she doesn't even leave a ransom note! Well, Francine, that was a MAJOR fail. So Nanny is out, a new daycare at Steven's workplace is in, and a happy ending for Casa Wakefield/Dallas is in order. Neither Aaron nor Steven has to stay home from work anymore. Funny that the women in this story still have to.
So, how are things going in the saga of Jess/Todd? Well, they aren't. It's Blahsville. Jessica is still going out with Liam for kicks (but yet her heart isn't in it!) while Todd has made Sarah Miller the new fixture in his home. Todd feels somewhat responsible for Sarah's loss of her job, and when she comes to him with nowhere else to run he quickly obliges. Jessica and Todd may have a kid caught up in all this (poor Jake!), but they are both monumental idiots. Instead of talking to each other they both keep seeing the one person the other person hates the most. And then they don't understand why their efforts to win each other back don't work. D'oh. I'm also about as fed up with Jessica as I am with Lila, but in a totally different way this time. Francine included more reflection on the "old" Jessica in this book than we actually saw of the "new" Jessica. If Jessica really HAS changed, why does Francine have to keep hammering home about her old sociopathic ways? It's a very tough line to toe, and it's just not working here. I can't buy it. Is Jessica really in love with Todd? Or does she just miss the constant affection and partnership? After all, she admits she's only with Liam because she needs the attention. She still has no trouble ignoring Liam's actual feelings in the matter. Jessica and Todd came together in secret and that's just how Jessica likes to operate. It seems that things aren't as fun now that they aren't sneaking around. Jessica IS relentless in her pursuit to get Todd back, and yet she's still with Liam and, completely like her old self, unwilling to cut him loose. Jessica has never backed down from a challenge. So again I ask, is it really love or is it just the chase she's after? There's never been anything admirable about Jessica Wakefield. She sails over to Todd's house finally prepared to beg for him back. She wears a formfitting mini and "sky high" heels. I'm guessing this is because her personality isn't charming him at the moment. She arrives only to find Sarah Miller at the door in a see-through nightie. Sarah gloats, and I sigh. This is getting so boring.
And then the big (over-hashed) subject of this book: Liz and Bruce. The story opens with Robin calling Liz and telling her that Bruce was just at her house threatening her. So it looks like I was wrong... Robin is Robin. I could have sworn in the last book that Liz and Robin were across town when Bruce allegedly found her house. But, with the help of his PI, he really found the one that Liz signed the lease for. Speaking of, his PI quickly discovers about Liz and the lease (hehe) and tells Bruce, who is properly devastated. Bruce heads home and Liz joins him soon after only to be treated to one of his many rages. He grabs her arms a little too tightly and she fleas and he freaks out at what he's done. As per usual, they don't talk for the rest of the book and instead just mope around about how much they miss each other (so fucking talk then!!). In their fight Liz mentions Bruce's mom's "condition." That condition would be bipolar. Bruce got upset that Liz may be right, maybe HE has bipolar too. Tragic a revelation as this is, it doesn't excuse Bruce's past rapist tendencies which, of course, are nowhere to be found in this book. So much for continuity. Hmmm, Liz, could it be that you are doubting Bruce because he once tried to rape YOU?! Don't think too hard about it, though. You might cause your perfect blonde hair to sprout split ends. Anyway, none of the rest of this plot is even interesting except for the cliffhanger, which is this: Bruce is considering running away. He is charged with a felony, but Annie Whitman thinks she can get them a plea deal. She is on her way over to tell him this when she is met with Bruce's maid at the door. The maid informs Annie that he HAS taken the coward's way out. He has left the country in his private jet. Annie is shellshocked. She knows there's no hope for him now. After all, only guilty men run.
So, there you have it: the latest machinations from the mind of Francine Pascal. Yikes. She said in a recent interview with Robin of thedairiburger.com that Margo could still be alive if she (Francine) wanted her to be. That's all I ask out of this Sweet Valley resurrection: that Margo Black gets resurrected too.