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Does Anybody Else Look Like Me? A Parent's Guide to Raising Multiracial Children
"Am I black or white or am I American?" "Why don't my eyes look like yours?" "Why do people always call attention to my 'different' hair?" Helping a child understand his mixed racial background can be daunting, especially when, whether out of honest appreciation or mean-spiritedness, peers and strangers alike perceive his features to be "other."Drawing on psychological research and input from more than fifty multiracial families, Does Anybody Else Look Like Me? addresses the special questions and concerns facing such families, explaining how they can best prepare their multiracial children to make their way confidently in our color-conscious world. From the books and toys to use in play with young children, to simple scripts to help them gracefully react to insensitive comments at school, to advice on guiding older children toward an unflappable sense of self, Does Anybody Else Look Like Me? is the first book to outline for parents how, exactly, to deflect the objectifying and discomforting attention multiracial children are likely to receive. Full of powerful stories and expert counsel, it is sure to become the book that both adoptive and birth parents of different races will look to for understanding as they strive to raise their children in a changing world.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2003
14 people are currently reading
319 people want to read
About the author
Donna Jackson Nakazawa
19 books235 followersAward-winning journalist and internationally-recognized speaker Donna Jackson Nakazawa began writing at twelve years old, after her father passed away unexpectedly. Recording her thoughts and feelings in a journal helped her to make sense of a world without him. When she came to the last page of her diary, she wrote, “I think I’m going to be a writer.”
Later, in college, she joined the staff of Duke’s literary journal. After graduating, she attended the Radcliffe Publishing Program and found work in the New York magazine world as a science journalist.
She began writing books. To date, she has authored 8 books exploring the connections between emotion, adversity, and well-being. Her mission is to translate complicated science into actionable information for everyday life.
Her bestselling book, Childhood Disrupted, was a finalist for the Books for a Better Life Award. Her newest book, The Adverse Childhood Experiences Guided Journal (foreword by Nedra Glover Tawwab), offers targeted writing techniques to help readers recognize the effects of childhood adversity and reset their brain's internal stories for neurobiological resilience, and is based on Donna’s popular narrative writing-to-heal program, Your Healing Narrative.
Donna’s other books include Girls on the Brink: Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media, named a best book of 2022 by The Washington Post, and The Angel and the Assassin: The Tiny Brain Cell That Changed the Course of Medicine, named a best book of 2020 by Wired.
Her writing has appeared in Wired, The Boston Globe, Stat, and The Washington Post. She has appeared on The Today Show and NPR and is a regular speaker at universities and organizations, including the Child Mind Institute, Harvard Science, UCLA Health, Rutgers, Johns Hopkins, Children’s Hospitals, and the Andrew Weil Center for Integrative Medicine. Learn more at donnajacksonnakazawa.com
Later, in college, she joined the staff of Duke’s literary journal. After graduating, she attended the Radcliffe Publishing Program and found work in the New York magazine world as a science journalist.
She began writing books. To date, she has authored 8 books exploring the connections between emotion, adversity, and well-being. Her mission is to translate complicated science into actionable information for everyday life.
Her bestselling book, Childhood Disrupted, was a finalist for the Books for a Better Life Award. Her newest book, The Adverse Childhood Experiences Guided Journal (foreword by Nedra Glover Tawwab), offers targeted writing techniques to help readers recognize the effects of childhood adversity and reset their brain's internal stories for neurobiological resilience, and is based on Donna’s popular narrative writing-to-heal program, Your Healing Narrative.
Donna’s other books include Girls on the Brink: Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media, named a best book of 2022 by The Washington Post, and The Angel and the Assassin: The Tiny Brain Cell That Changed the Course of Medicine, named a best book of 2020 by Wired.
Her writing has appeared in Wired, The Boston Globe, Stat, and The Washington Post. She has appeared on The Today Show and NPR and is a regular speaker at universities and organizations, including the Child Mind Institute, Harvard Science, UCLA Health, Rutgers, Johns Hopkins, Children’s Hospitals, and the Andrew Weil Center for Integrative Medicine. Learn more at donnajacksonnakazawa.com
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
May 14, 2021
Does Anybody Else Look Like Me is mostly a collection of interviews from people of multi-racial background, their experiences in dealing with racism and identity issues. It is roughly organized by age. The book also includes some analysis of American society. I am a little disappointed because I was looking for a practical parental guidebook in the fashion of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Having said that, I still find it an informative book. Here is what I've learned:
1. Parents' attitude of the race and racism matters a lot.
2. Color-blind is bad. Parents must discuss race issues with their kids openly.
3. Help children to build a strong sense of self. Teach them both cultures: two is greater than one, to be a bridge to cultures, to be both, to appreciate both, etc..
4. Parents must stand up for children and teach children to standup for themselves when facing discriminations. Respond to teasing with wits rather than fists.
PS: the author has two mixed-raced kids by birth but the book also includes interviews from families in cross-racial adoptions.
1. Parents' attitude of the race and racism matters a lot.
2. Color-blind is bad. Parents must discuss race issues with their kids openly.
3. Help children to build a strong sense of self. Teach them both cultures: two is greater than one, to be a bridge to cultures, to be both, to appreciate both, etc..
4. Parents must stand up for children and teach children to standup for themselves when facing discriminations. Respond to teasing with wits rather than fists.
PS: the author has two mixed-raced kids by birth but the book also includes interviews from families in cross-racial adoptions.
October 11, 2011
I had high hopes for this book, but the suggestions are really obvious and can be summarized as "communicate with your kids." This book also seems very focused on issues that parents face in very homogenous areas. I live in a fairly diverse city, but imagine we will still face issues and was hoping this book would help us prepare for some of them. The topic is a good one, but the content seriously misses the mark.
November 5, 2010
I learned a lot from this book, but as a prospective adoptive parent, I did skip over large sections that seemed to pertain only to families created through parents having multiracial children by birth. For that group, I'm sure it is an even better resource. Much of the book does transfer over to multiracial adoptive families though.
Early in the book the author goes through multiple age ranges and how children of those particular ages understand and conceptualize race. This will be helpful as our child goes through these stages. I also connected with the various sections devoted to being a family that stands out and somehow invites uninvited questions from strangers about ones family and how it was created. People will undoubtedly touch our child's hair and comment on their features. The author suggests a statement such as "Aren't all children beautiful?" in response to strangers (or anyone) commenting on the features that make our child different from others in the community.
The author spends a chapter or so near the end discussing the community in which multiracial families live. I've thought a lot about this because we may have little to no choice in where we end up geographically. Her rather superficial research suggests that it is possible to overcome the lack of diversity in your community by 1. preparing (through role-playing, etc.) our family for racism, and 2. not moving, allowing our child to grow up in the same community and thus have a stable friend support system. Access to other multiracial families also seems to be incredibly important. There is a really good list of things to think about in terms of the policies of your local school district and how to help them in areas they may be lacking.
One thing about the book that bugged me throughout was her rather constant focus on race being a construct of humans, lacking biological support. This just simply isn't the current thought. There is no reason to believe there is not a genetic basis for race.
Early in the book the author goes through multiple age ranges and how children of those particular ages understand and conceptualize race. This will be helpful as our child goes through these stages. I also connected with the various sections devoted to being a family that stands out and somehow invites uninvited questions from strangers about ones family and how it was created. People will undoubtedly touch our child's hair and comment on their features. The author suggests a statement such as "Aren't all children beautiful?" in response to strangers (or anyone) commenting on the features that make our child different from others in the community.
The author spends a chapter or so near the end discussing the community in which multiracial families live. I've thought a lot about this because we may have little to no choice in where we end up geographically. Her rather superficial research suggests that it is possible to overcome the lack of diversity in your community by 1. preparing (through role-playing, etc.) our family for racism, and 2. not moving, allowing our child to grow up in the same community and thus have a stable friend support system. Access to other multiracial families also seems to be incredibly important. There is a really good list of things to think about in terms of the policies of your local school district and how to help them in areas they may be lacking.
One thing about the book that bugged me throughout was her rather constant focus on race being a construct of humans, lacking biological support. This just simply isn't the current thought. There is no reason to believe there is not a genetic basis for race.
November 13, 2008
written by a parent raising Hapa children, so she can honestly appreciate the complexity of such a situation.
one of the few books, that i have found, that approaches the subject in terms of preschoolers. most other books tackle the issue with grade-school ages & up.
one of the few books, that i have found, that approaches the subject in terms of preschoolers. most other books tackle the issue with grade-school ages & up.
February 23, 2008
This book is written by a white woman who's married to a Japanese-American man and has two biracial children. She uses some of her own experience raising her children, as well lots of stories and ideas from other parents and children, to talk about what parents can do to raise their multicultural or transracially adopted children to become confident and competent adults. It's a very thoughtfully written book, as well as well-researched, as shown through the personal testimonies that appear all throughout the book. I think it's an important read, not just for parents (or parents-to-be) of multiracial children, but for educators, caregivers and anyone who interacts with children and young adults. It addresses many theories and ideologies, and also includes the input of many "professionals" in this field.
September 16, 2016
I've been reading anything I can get my hands on from my local library about adoption, specifically transracial adoption. This book had some helpful parts which would be applicable to any parent really, such as how to keep a dialog going throughout your kids' childhoods about racism. But a lot of the book deals specifically with multiracial kids who aren't adopted. Many of the same issues and many issues that just aren't the same. All in all, a worthwhile read to skim. Just be forewarned that it may make you feel like no matter what you aren't going to be able to do a good enough job helping your child navigate racism.
April 20, 2009
This book was incredibly revealing about the possible future of a multiracial child that we might adopt might have -- the cruel questions in the supermarket as toddlers, the cruel racism of the teenage years, the unforgiving questions of the 5-8 years from peers and teachers. We will be prepared and train ourselves for creating a strong sense of multiracial identity with our child -- like chocolate ice cream and vanilla -- mixed together, but sooooo much more complicated.
July 10, 2009
I would recommend this book. As the parent of multiracial children, I saw a lot of my familiy's experiences in it.
June 11, 2021
"Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?" by Donna Jackson Nakazawa
Reviewed on 11 June 2021
I picked this book up at the library as the topic fascinates me. Being of Vietnamese-American background and married to a Latian-European-Austrialian man and hoping to start a family, I thought this book would open my eyes to a few things. One note I would like to add is the author Donna Jackson Nakazawa raises her two biracial children in Annapolis, Maryland. Maryland is also the state I grew up in and am extremely proud to have my formative years there. In my area of Montgomery County, Maryland, there was a smorgasbord of cultures and skin colours. I've since lived in Decatur (Illinois), Las Vegas (Nevada), Los Angeles (California), Jakarta, Indonesia and now residing in Brisbane, Australia. How lucky am I to have grown up in a city where race and the shade of your skin seemed to be a non-issue! Many of my friends and brothers have multiracial children of their own now. In saying that, it surprises me that a book of this topic still needs to be written.
An example in one of the author's interviews said the father of a child that was called out for being "different" simply replied back to his child that he felt sorry for the boy who never go to see the world and see other families like theirs. It shows the importance of implementing a strong sense of self in your children, no matter what ethnic background they may identify with. The book also mentions age-related situations one can explain to their child. For instance, mixing white play dough with a tan play dough to form a beige-colored play dough.
Later in the book, the author speaks about the importance of having a peer group that the child is familiar with and an extra emphasis on staying within a specific local community. This is a good idea, but can be unrealistic for certain families such as ours who move around across the world. Joining an organisation is a helpful tip, too.
The point I most learned from this book is that love is NOT all that matters. We do need to talk to our children about race and their ethnic backgrounds and cultures, too. We need to prepare our kids for the rude comments and ridicule they may experience due to someone else's ignorance. If parents are happy to speak about their backgrounds and race, than our children are also more self-assured and can live confidently in their own skin.
Mixed-race children are exceptionally beautiful and exotic, but they can become hyper exposed to these comments and they can negatively effect them. It's important to teach them about their parents roots. As for me, I feel a bit like a cheat as I'm American with Vietnamese parents. I speak the language fluently, but don't know much about cooking, so my friends joke and call me a "Twinkie" or "Banana", yellow on the outside and white in the inside. It would be difficult for me to teach my child much about Vietnam when I myself have left the country many years ago, as a four-year old child and my children will be born the opposite side of the world to my parents who can better teach them about what it means to be truly Vietnamese. Thank goodness to the Vietnamese community in Brisbane.
Overall, mixed races are very common now and every child is beautiful. We need to be extra sensitive with our children who are growing up around people who are not as fortunate to be as worldly and sophisticated as others. The only thing that I found annoying was how the author included the race of most of her characters that she named in the book. I guess with a book like this, though, it was necessary. It reminded me of a book I once read when the author repeatedly and perfunctorily included ages of all their characters. This is only a minor gripe. This is an important book with many interviews on a very important topic and what it means to be mixed raced in the world these days.
Reviewed on 11 June 2021
I picked this book up at the library as the topic fascinates me. Being of Vietnamese-American background and married to a Latian-European-Austrialian man and hoping to start a family, I thought this book would open my eyes to a few things. One note I would like to add is the author Donna Jackson Nakazawa raises her two biracial children in Annapolis, Maryland. Maryland is also the state I grew up in and am extremely proud to have my formative years there. In my area of Montgomery County, Maryland, there was a smorgasbord of cultures and skin colours. I've since lived in Decatur (Illinois), Las Vegas (Nevada), Los Angeles (California), Jakarta, Indonesia and now residing in Brisbane, Australia. How lucky am I to have grown up in a city where race and the shade of your skin seemed to be a non-issue! Many of my friends and brothers have multiracial children of their own now. In saying that, it surprises me that a book of this topic still needs to be written.
An example in one of the author's interviews said the father of a child that was called out for being "different" simply replied back to his child that he felt sorry for the boy who never go to see the world and see other families like theirs. It shows the importance of implementing a strong sense of self in your children, no matter what ethnic background they may identify with. The book also mentions age-related situations one can explain to their child. For instance, mixing white play dough with a tan play dough to form a beige-colored play dough.
Later in the book, the author speaks about the importance of having a peer group that the child is familiar with and an extra emphasis on staying within a specific local community. This is a good idea, but can be unrealistic for certain families such as ours who move around across the world. Joining an organisation is a helpful tip, too.
The point I most learned from this book is that love is NOT all that matters. We do need to talk to our children about race and their ethnic backgrounds and cultures, too. We need to prepare our kids for the rude comments and ridicule they may experience due to someone else's ignorance. If parents are happy to speak about their backgrounds and race, than our children are also more self-assured and can live confidently in their own skin.
Mixed-race children are exceptionally beautiful and exotic, but they can become hyper exposed to these comments and they can negatively effect them. It's important to teach them about their parents roots. As for me, I feel a bit like a cheat as I'm American with Vietnamese parents. I speak the language fluently, but don't know much about cooking, so my friends joke and call me a "Twinkie" or "Banana", yellow on the outside and white in the inside. It would be difficult for me to teach my child much about Vietnam when I myself have left the country many years ago, as a four-year old child and my children will be born the opposite side of the world to my parents who can better teach them about what it means to be truly Vietnamese. Thank goodness to the Vietnamese community in Brisbane.
Overall, mixed races are very common now and every child is beautiful. We need to be extra sensitive with our children who are growing up around people who are not as fortunate to be as worldly and sophisticated as others. The only thing that I found annoying was how the author included the race of most of her characters that she named in the book. I guess with a book like this, though, it was necessary. It reminded me of a book I once read when the author repeatedly and perfunctorily included ages of all their characters. This is only a minor gripe. This is an important book with many interviews on a very important topic and what it means to be mixed raced in the world these days.
March 15, 2020
2.5 As the parent of two college age biracial boys, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I picked this up. There are helpful parts (kids not talking about what they faced in an effort to protect their parents). My initial thought (borne out by discussion with my boys) was the parts of the younger years a little defensive and overblown but this was written in 2003.
Much of what she said could be applied to non-white children. Overall, the book was a little too repetitive with lots of common sense advice ie Communication is key. I think would be most helpful for parents who adopt different race kids.
Interesting section on race identification. My kids said if you are half anything, you are not white because by definition being white is an absence of anything else so if you are something else, that’s what you are.
Much of what she said could be applied to non-white children. Overall, the book was a little too repetitive with lots of common sense advice ie Communication is key. I think would be most helpful for parents who adopt different race kids.
Interesting section on race identification. My kids said if you are half anything, you are not white because by definition being white is an absence of anything else so if you are something else, that’s what you are.
May 20, 2019
This book was written about 15 years ago, and so much has changed since then (in both good and bad ways). I am not raising multiracial children, but I have lots of friends who are, and many of my children's friends are multiracial. This book was so helpful for me in understanding how to better support them all. I would highly recommend it to teachers as well.
I would love to read an updated version of this book or a more current book with a similar topic. If anyone has recommendations, please share them in the comments.
I would love to read an updated version of this book or a more current book with a similar topic. If anyone has recommendations, please share them in the comments.
May 3, 2018
Bad. Didn’t finish.
February 21, 2020
Good. Informative and helpful. Minus one star for being a little repetitive.
March 10, 2020
Helpful, hopeful, and thought-provoking.
February 2, 2009
book jacket description -
"The author, a freelance writer, is from a western European background, while her husband is Japanese American. Although Nakazawa initially hoped to raise her son and daughter to be "color blind," they couldn't ignore the many comments made by both adults and children concerning Christian and Claire's appearance. When Christian was a toddler he was asked if he spoke Chinese, and the author was assured that little Claire didn't "even look Asian." Nakazawa decided to develop strategies to ensure that her son and daughter would be proud of their heritage and confident about their multiracial identity. Finding no useful book on the subject, she decided to write her own. Based on personal experience and interviews conducted with 60 other multiracial families, Nakazawa has skillfully combined anecdotal research with a strong knowledge of childhood and educational development philosophy to provide this useful guide for raising multiracial children in a color- and race-conscious world. Nakazawa believes that, although most three-year-olds are not racially aware, it is important to deflect insensitive comments from strangers about appearance. As a child grows older, this early dialogue should deepen, so that children will feel safe and comfortable discussing their racial identity with parents and be able to bring up any racially charged experiences that have occurred at school or with friends. Included are suggestions for the special problems that may arise during adolescence."
"The author, a freelance writer, is from a western European background, while her husband is Japanese American. Although Nakazawa initially hoped to raise her son and daughter to be "color blind," they couldn't ignore the many comments made by both adults and children concerning Christian and Claire's appearance. When Christian was a toddler he was asked if he spoke Chinese, and the author was assured that little Claire didn't "even look Asian." Nakazawa decided to develop strategies to ensure that her son and daughter would be proud of their heritage and confident about their multiracial identity. Finding no useful book on the subject, she decided to write her own. Based on personal experience and interviews conducted with 60 other multiracial families, Nakazawa has skillfully combined anecdotal research with a strong knowledge of childhood and educational development philosophy to provide this useful guide for raising multiracial children in a color- and race-conscious world. Nakazawa believes that, although most three-year-olds are not racially aware, it is important to deflect insensitive comments from strangers about appearance. As a child grows older, this early dialogue should deepen, so that children will feel safe and comfortable discussing their racial identity with parents and be able to bring up any racially charged experiences that have occurred at school or with friends. Included are suggestions for the special problems that may arise during adolescence."
Read
February 4, 2016Raising multiracial kids to be color-blind will not work says the author. She discusses ways to raise a multiracial child to have positive self-esteem, be appreciative of all their cultures, develop a comfortable self-identity, and be able to deal with people who are ignorant of multiracial issues. The key to successfully raising multiracial kids in a world of social race constructs is developing an ongoing, open dialog about race and culture. The author looks at three key developmental stages: preschool (when concepts must be presented concretely), early elementary (when wanting to be liked and belonging becomes important) and middle school (clash of adolescence and cultural identity--which group do I belong to?) and discusses ways to deal with those stages. Opened my eyes to the concerns of people who are multiracial! Interviews inform the book; bibliography of children's books included.
March 4, 2014
Poorly edited to the point of distraction. She gives too many qualifiers on people she introduced and utilized throughout the book. I guess the author thinks you can't remember a few names. Sometimes this is helpful if they have not been mentioned for a while but seriously, she gives the same information about an author two pages later. It is too much.
The information seems fine but as I read elsewhere, this is a Caucasian mother writing about raising her multiethnic children. Also, it is somewhat well-researched but she is a journalist, not a professional sociologist, psychiatrist, etc.
The info was a little helpful but ultimately fell short of being a great book.
The information seems fine but as I read elsewhere, this is a Caucasian mother writing about raising her multiethnic children. Also, it is somewhat well-researched but she is a journalist, not a professional sociologist, psychiatrist, etc.
The info was a little helpful but ultimately fell short of being a great book.
January 4, 2009
This book is geared to parents of kids who are multi-racial or parents of kids who are transracially adopted, but it is good reading for anyone who is interested in race issues.
My only complaint was that the author stresses the importance of family and telling your child "family is forever", but doesn't give advice if one doesn't have a good family setting for the child, which I think is important in this age when divorce is common.
My only complaint was that the author stresses the importance of family and telling your child "family is forever", but doesn't give advice if one doesn't have a good family setting for the child, which I think is important in this age when divorce is common.
May 1, 2009
In a world where the once-rigid lines of race are becoming (thankfully) more blurred, Donna does a great job addressing this question. What is it about human nature that desires to fit other in "nice, neat compartments" so we can feel secure about ourselves? This is a book for anyone who does not fit into a nice, neat compartment...and also for anyone who desires to know a multiracial's experience.
April 12, 2015
I gave up on finishing this book. I got about 1/3 of the way through and realized that it is much more of a resource for biracial/whatever type of mixed race parents and kids than my situation, which IS transracial adoption but neither of my kids are biracial. it has a lot of good insight and I'd recommend it to any who feel they'd benefit from reading it.
January 15, 2012
I found this book to be useful for me from a professional perspective and a parental perspective. Lots of anecdotal information and useful suggestions for parents to promote positive racial/ethnic socialization in their children.
December 27, 2011
This book was interesting to read from a teachers perspective. Interesting book, but this is definitely written as white parents guide to raising multiracial kids. I read it for a book club and multiracial parents in the group had the same feeling.
Read
July 3, 2012Finished the first chapter and am getting a lot out of it. Nicely integrates anecdotes from Nakazawa's interviewees and psychology/ child development research. Makes a good case for why love isn't all you need when raising a multiracial child... No discussion of implicit race bias yet.
July 14, 2012
This is a good book if you are raising a multiracial child. It gives you some things to think about before the awkward situations come. My daughter is only 8 months old, but we've already gotten the questions of "Oh, is she adopted?". "No, she's my daughter. Stop being nosy!".
April 22, 2007
some good points...but overall, horrible advice for parents of mixed kids. DO NOT use as a resource!
April 3, 2009
Sent to us by our agency while we waited to go get our daughter. Gave some good insight - and zingers - to use on friendly and not so friendly stranger observations of our family.
January 26, 2011
every parent should read this--whether the parent of bi-racial kids or not! : -)
Read
April 27, 2012research, but not surprisingly, also relevant to my life.
October 14, 2012
I registered a book at BookCrossing.com!
http://www.BookCrossing.com/journal/11464572
http://www.BookCrossing.com/journal/11464572
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews