Coming Up for Air

by Patti Callahan Henry

Patti Callahan Henry's Coming Up For Air is "a beautiful exploration of the deepest mysteries of the human heart." (Susan Wiggs, New York Times bestselling author)

Ellie Calvin is caught in a dying marriage, and she knows this. With her beloved daughter away at college and a growing gap between her and her husband, she doesn't quite seem to fit into her own life. But everything changes when her controlling mother, Lillian, passes away. Ellie sees her ex-boyfriend, Hutch, at the funeral, and learns that he is in charge of a documentary that involved Lillian before her death – and he wants answers to questions that Ellie's not sure she can face.

As Ellie and Hutch start digging into Lillian's history, and speaking for the first time in years, Ellie's closed heart slowly begins to open. Using both a hidden diary that Ellie found in her mother's things, and a trip to the Summer House, a mysterious and seductive bayside home, they gamble that they can work together and not fall in love again. But in piecing together a decades-old unrequited-love story, they just might uncover the secrets in their own hearts…

Genres: Fiction, Romance, Chick Lit, Womens Fiction, Southern, Contemporary, Adult Fiction

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Patti Callahan Henry is a New York Times, Globe and Mail, and USA Today bestselling author of sixteen novels, including her newest, The Secret Book of Flora Lea. She’s also a podcast host of original content for her novels, Surviving Savannah and Becoming Mrs. Lewis.
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She is the recipient of The Christy Award “Book of the Year”; The Harper Lee Distinguished Writer of the Year and the Alabama Library Association Book of the Year for Becoming Mrs. Lewis. She is the co-host and co-creator of the popular weekly online Friends and Fiction live web show and podcast. Patti also was a contributor to the monthly life lesson essay column for Parade Magazine. She’s published in numerous anthologies, articles, and short story collections, including an Audible Original about Florence Nightingale, titled Wild Swan narrated by the Tony Award winner, Cynthia Erivo.
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A full-time author, mother of three, and grandmother of two, she lives in Mountain Brook, Alabama with her husband, Pat Henry.

Reviews

[Jenny · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh. I always hate it when I don't like a book. Though I had a bad feeling about this one from the get-go. I was just hoping my feeling was wrong and that everything would turn out better. Look out, spoilers abound.

The troubled marriage. I felt they really didn't get into it about what the actual "problems" in this marriage were until near the end. And I suppose I understand. I just want to know why in the world she started dating (and then ended up marrying) someone who is "charming" and she "liked" after she broke up with a person she loved. I don't understand how someone could chose that.

And then Hutch, his whole mantra being he didn't want to be the consolation prize (said after they broke up back in college and she tried to apologize AND after she divorced her husband) yet 6 months after the divorce, THEN it is okay to be the consultation prize?? I don't get that. Also Hutch, why are you holding hands with your married ex-girlfriend when you have been dating someone for 6 years?

And how in the world can a woman date someone and love them forever, only to marry their BROTHER. I don't understand how that can be kept secret while the brothers still have a relationship. How does the wife avoid her brother in law all the time?

So much I don't get about this book. Sorry this is all a hodge-podge. I can't create a coherent thought because all the negative is just jumbled together in my brain. There were some okay/enjoyable parts. I think. Ew, and I hated the last line. Gross. :) The end; on to better reading. :)

[Michelle · Rating 1 out of 5]

I received this book as a good reads first reads. I completely agree with what others have said that gave this story 1 or 2 stars. I became increasingly agigtated as the story went on, especially towards the very end, aproximately the last 20 pages or so, every page I turned I hope it was the last. Complete waste of my time! I hope goodreads starts giving out books that are actually worth reading.

[Vivian · Rating 1 out of 5]

Snore. Another Lifetime movie script from Patti Callahan Henry. Two thirds into the book I couldn't muster up enough interest to find out what happened. Plastic characters and a less than intersting storyline. I won't be rushing to pick up any of this author's future books.

[Carla Hanchett · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heart-breaking novel about lessons of lost love being passed from one generation to another. How do we learn to cover up the yearnings of our heart and “settle?” Why is it so hard to follow our hearts and listen to those who may not really know our hearts but think they do from their own past experiences?

I loved how the fish jubilee in Alabama is used as a metaphor in this novel’s plot. May we all recognize when we can no longer “breath,” and keep from judging those that do even when it may have consequences that are very difficult for others.🥺

[Stephanie Jenkins Ortiz Cerrillo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is my second book by Patti Callahan Henry and I thoroughly enjoy her writing. This book makes me wonder how many people just settle when they get married and stay married to people that they shouldn't. A great read!

[Katey Barnhart · Rating 1 out of 5]

Borrringgggg

[Margaret · Rating 2 out of 5]

It wasn't the worst or the best of my reads, but it did have a plot, a relative easy to follow timeline, and a mystery that did keep me going. It didn't rivet me to the pages, it wasn't thought-provoking or entertaining, and I didn't feel any connection to the characters. It was just an ok read.

The plot is one that has been done and redone and this one had no real twists to make it interesting.
Just a few days before her mother, Lily, died, Ellie's 48 paintings of flowers had been on exhibit with the proceeds going to her mother's favorite charity, Lily's Love Charity, a foundation for homeless children. Lily had mentioned to Ellie that Ellie's first love from college (Hutch ) is doing an exhibit on ten women who won Atlanta Woman of the Year during the 60's and Lily will be one of those interviewed for her philanthropic work. The name Hutch stirs memories past for both women, but Ellie is 48, married, mother of a college student, busy wife of hard-working businessman, Russ. No problem.

Four days later Lily died suddenly. Left to pack away her belongings because her father cannot bear to do the task himself. Hutch had called Ellie wanting information about her mother so that he could finish his exhibit. He wanted to know more about Lily's involvement in the Civil Rights Movement during that era. Ellie believes Hutch must be mistaken. Her mother has never mentioned being a part of the movement and it would be something that her mother would never do. At least that is what Ellie thought until she found an old journal hidden away in a drawer.

As Ellie delves into her mother's thoughts and life events from her childhood to her young adult life, Ellie learns that her mother may not be the person she believed her to be. Her mother had secrets, secrets that Ellie believes she must learn and the best person to help her is her mother's best friend Birdie. Birdie and Lily had been friends in the 60's and the friendship held. Birdie lives in a summer house in Alabama and that is where Ellie goes to find the answers she is looking for--to find out who her mother really was and how she turned into the woman she became.

Of course, in the meantime, Ellie called Hutch to tell him she may be on to something about that time period in her mother's life, and that she is going to Alabama to find the answers. And, of course, Hutch meets her down there to help. And, of course, come to think of it, Ellie remembers all of a sudden, that she is not happy in her marriage and that going to Alabama may be the break she needs. See an overdone plot here yet?

From there, the book was predictable. Ellie and Hutch form a team to unravel her mother's past. They do their own detective work, visit the places and the people mentioned in Lily's diary, and get closer and closer to the truth. Ellie and Russ fight over the phone. Russ shows up. Russ gets mad and leaves. Ellie....well, Ellie has to do what she has to do.

I just never felt any compassion or sympathy with Ellie and I really didn't understand her "need" to find about her mother's past. It really wasn't all that big a deal in the long run. I get impatient with women who are unhappy in their marriages and don't realize it until the long ago love comes back into their lives. Granted, Russ was no prince; but it shouldn't have taken Ellie 19 years and a long-lost love reappearing to help her figure that out.

The "mystery" of the story wasn't all that astounding and was fairly easy to figure out as the story played out.

Nope, sorry. I just wasn't impressed.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review posted 8/18/2011 at Owl Tell You About It.

This is one of those times where I feel like I’m at a loss for words. How do you explain something so emotionally intense. I’ll start by simply saying you should read this book. It’s just… really good. It’s beautiful and heartbreaking and touching all at the same time. It’s the first book I’ve read by Patti, but it most certainly isn’t the last. I’ve already be reading the synopses of her other books, trying to decide which one I want to read first.

Ellie is one of those characters you can’t help but love immediately. She’s so easy to relate to, which I think is a little unusual for me since I’m twenty-three and she’s forty-eight. She just has such a young spirit. I can also relate to her relationship with her husband. Also a little strange since I’m so young. Still, I’ve been in the kind of relationship where the other person feels they have to control everything in whatever way they can: guilt, anger, sweetness. It’s definitely not the way you want to live the rest of your life, and I can’t imagine how Ellie put up with it for twenty years. Then Hutch shows up, and I immediately fall in love.

Hutch. What a great name. It just sounds like it belongs in a book. It fits the character so well too. He’s so tender. That’s the vibe I got. The easy way Ellie and Hutch are around each other is exactly the kind of thing I think everyone is looking for in love. It’s like they orbit around one another. Talking and touching just comes naturally to them. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they were in a serious relationship in college. I think (and forgive my romanticism) there are people who just have that kind of connection, a sort of rightness when they’re together.

There’s nothing I can say about her mother’s story. I was floored by it and by what it did to her. I’m still kind of processing that part, I think. I’m so glad my mother and I are close. That’s for sure. It makes me want to read a mother/daughter story… maybe with my mom. She’s reading this book as soon as she finishes The Help. She’s already excited because I’ve talked it up so much. Highly recommend!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a copy of this book from the publisher. I did not receive any payment in exchange for this review nor was I obligated to write a positive one. All opinions expressed here are entirely my own and may not necessarily agree with those of the author, the book's publisher and publicist or the readers of this review. This disclosure is in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255, Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Patti Callahan Henry is a new author to me but that won’t last for long because she’s already become a trusted friend. Her novel is a poignant and fragile story of love loss, love gained and what the brokenness of a heart does to a person’s perspective on life, whether they learn from that loss, wallow in it or close their heart to it. It’s one woman’s search for something she didn’t know she was looking for. It was a glimpse of the present and the future by looking to the past. Her narrative is a smooth placid lake with intermittent eddies and crashing waves that brought the sights, smells and scenes straight from her pages onto a view screen in my mind. Her dialogue is the poetry of the south and it resonated in me with every ya’ll and hey she said. Her characters though, those are the stars of her tale, her Ellie and Hutch demanded attention and I breathlessly waited to see what would happen, plus the mystery that was Ellie’s mother hooked me. It is a love story and yet it’s more, it’s a story of life and how the choices made effect it.
If you love the work of Karen White or Dorothea Benton Frank give this author a try and I believe like me you’ll come back for more.
Little did Ellie Calvin know that her mother’s death would be a catalyst to her finding secrets hid deep. That when her old love Hutch O’Brien contacts her for help with her mother’s part in his exhibit on Atlanta’s Women of the Year in the 60’s she’d learn that the woman she knew her mother to be was once someone very different. That when she opened the Pandora’s box that is her mother’s journal she would find between the pages a spirited and righteous woman who put herself smack dab in the middle of the civil rights movement in Alabama, she’d find a woman who had a secret love, one who wasn’t her father. And this was a mystery because Ellie has followed in her mother’s footsteps with her own methodical life, she used the doubt her mother planted about Hutch’s inappropriateness as a husband to turn in another direction. She didn’t know that working with Hutch would open up ancient wounds that never really closed. She didn’t know that digging around in her mother’s past would somehow dictate her future. But she’s about to discover not only who her mother was, but who she, Ellie, is as well. Ellie will have to make some decisions about what she wants from now on and some of those decisions will have irrevocable effects on those closest to her. She’ll wonder if trying her wings is worth the fall it may bring.
Please go to my blog to see more information, a special app for Patti's readers and the picture of my seedlings that were a gift from her.
http://thereadingfrenzy.blogspot.com/...

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this, the fourth novel of Patti Callahan Henry that I have read in the last month. As with all her protagonists, the main character in this novel, set in the deep south, was fraught with angst over the state of her marriage, and her longing for an old flame who was very important to her when she was young. Once again, Henry has created well developed characters with attributes and flaws. They make mistakes and decisions they may or may not regret, just as we all do over many decades of life. In this novel, a woman in her 40's, with a young adult daughter and a husband whose temper needs to be reigned in, is trying to come to terms with the loss of her mother. She discovers she did not know her perfect, controlled, status conscious mother as well as she thought she did. She discovers an old journal her mother filled once per year, for many years on New Year's Eve. Year after year she was in love with an inappropriate man, known to the reader in the secret journal only as "him." We are not told his name, as Ellie, the main character, does not discover his identity until the end when we, too, learn his identity and the reasons why the two could never truly be together.
Ellie travels to small town Alabama to discover the secrets of her mother's youth, and stays in the guest cottage of the woman who was her mother's best friend. There, Ellie reconnects with her own former true love, a man whose heart she broke when she married someone else. He traveled there with her write a story about Ellie's mother, because he is writing about women who were involved in the civil rights movement in the early 1960's. Ellie cannot even fathom her perfect southern mother being involved in such a thing, but she agrees to try to uncover any facts which might prove her mother was, indeed, a rebel in her own time. Self discovery, secrets uncovered, love, loss, heartache.....these are the makings of a great novel, (and of life), and this one kept me up until all hours of the night. Henry writes books that evoke recognition, thought and emotion. I am forever a fan!

[Bree · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, I love Southern Literature, and I think it's because it was Southern Literature that originally made me passionately love to read. (Thank you, Pat Conroy!) To be fair, there are some truly wonderful parts to this book, which allows me to give it three stars - though, the parts I hated made this difficult for me to do.

I dislike spoilers, so my review may be a little vague on details. Forty-seven year old Ellie has just lost her mother and is also suffering from empty-nest syndrome with her only daughter now away at college. While reading a secret journal of her mother's, she soon dives into learning about her mother's hidden past...a past that suggests that her mother lived most of her life broken-hearted. And Ellie soon questions her own choices in life, wondering if she's followed in her mother's footsteps.

Here's my problem. While I love some of the descriptive passages of the Summer Home (where she goes to investigate her mother's past) and it's location, I made it halfway through the book only to realize that I dislike the protagonist. Even worse, I dislike the character of Ellie's mother, Lillian, whom we meet only in Ellie's memories and in Lillian's journal. I felt like both women "settled" for men who are far too good for them, although, one of the men has a major jerk moment at the end. Sadly, I felt the "jerk" moment to be forced in a last attempt to make the reader hate him and respect the woman's choice to leave. (Ooops, that last sentence might be a rather botched attempt to avoid spoilers.)

I won a copy of this through goodreads first-reads giveaway!

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won a copy of this book through goodreads first reads program!

OK first I love books set in the south! So I was pretty excited to read this. While I found most of it enjoyable, it wasn't what I expected.

Coming Up for Air opens with forty-something Ellie Calvin at her mother's funeral. While there she runs into her college sweetheart. Her "the one that got away". Its after this that everything gets turned upside down.

After the funeral Ellie cleans out her mother's closet and finds her mother's journal that she's never known about before. As she begins to read through the events of her mother's life she begins to see parallels between the two of them. I won't say much more in details because I don't want to spoil this for anyone.

Likes:
1) I liked the setting.
2) I liked the "legend" surrounding the Summer House.
3) I liked the idea of "second generation" best friends.
4) I liked the walk down memory lane, when talking about the Civil Rights movement.
5) I liked how Ellie's character began to have some fire towards the end.

Dislikes:
1) I did not like Ellie's mother very much. As much as I could sympathize with Lillian's heartbreak, I do not care for how she went about things.
2) I didn't care for the way Rusty's character went about things. I think he genuinely cared for Ellie, despite how he expressed himself.
3) I understand that sometimes the love/connection in a relationship ebbs and flows, but I'm not sure I liked the way it ended.

Overall, it was a fast, mostly enjoyable read. I'd read more by Patti Callahan Henry.

[Stacy Hinojos · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was very fortunate to win a copy of this book as a giveaway on goodreads.com.

This is a wonderful book that connects a daughter and a mother through the mother's past. Part romance and part mystery, Ellie uncovers parts of her mother's life that she had locked away from the world and kept hidden until her death. Ellie longs to find out what all of this means, while trying to find out what her heart really wants. Ellie leaves Atlanta to travel to Alabama to learn more about her mother's past from her mother's dearest friend, Miss Birdie at her Summer House. But how much will Miss Birdie tell her? And who is she protecting?

Enter Ellie's ex-boyfriend, Hutch, who is doing a documentary on ten women, one of them being Lillian, Ellie's mother. I found this to be beautifully written, without being to sugary.

So many details between Ellie and her husband, Rusty, I could connect with. The thought process Ellie takes, sorting out her marriage, I recognized from my one of my own relationships.

I really don't want to give anything away, but I didn't want to put this book down. The ending and how it all came together was simple, but touching and beautiful. It is one of my top reads this summer.

[Sara Almeida · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was the first book I won through a Goodreads giveaway. I knew it wasn't a book I would normally select on my own, but I was looking forward to reading it nonetheless. Unfortunately, I was unable to finish the book. I tried ... I really did. I do NOT like leaving disparaging comments about books. I have a huge respect for the writing process - after all, a writer puts her time and emotion into her writing. While I'm sure that this book would appeal to many people, it did not appeal to me. In my opinion, the mark of an excellent book is the author's ability to make her characters believable. Unfortunately, I didn't feel that the main character in "Coming Up for Air" was believable, therefore I found it difficult to relate to the story. For example, while the main character has just experienced the loss of her mother, I didn't feel her sadness as I read. The main character also realizes that she has grown apart from her husband, but her emotions were unclear in that relationship as well. In brief, "Coming Up for Air" - while it may appeal to many readers - was simply not a good literary fit for me.

[Steph · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was fortunate enough to win this book through Goodreads First Reads Giveaways (my first win!)and am so glad that I did. I was not familiar with Patti Callahan Henry before, but I will be sure to add other books of hers to my to-read list.

Coming Up for Air is a heartfelt story of love and loss, choices and consequences, forgiveness and renewal. After the death of her mother, Ellie Calvin finds her mother's journal and comes to realize that there was a side to her mother that she never knew. This finding leads Ellie on a search to uncover truths about her mother, and in turn she is finally able to confront hard truths about her own life and the choices she's made. I thought the characters and the storyline were well written and that Henry did a good job of tying the past and present together.

While reading, the later into the evening it got I kept telling myself "okay, just one more chapter" until I found myself finishing the book in the early morning hours! I love when a book is so good that I just don't want to stop until I'm finished; that was this book for me.

[Maureen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh, yet another book about a married woman in her 40s who starts questioning her marriage, her happiness, the meaning of her life. WARNING-my review may contain spoiling information!

Quite formulaic in that she manages to fall instantly for her former boyfriend whom she hasn't seen in 20 years. She doesn't seem to feel the least bit guilty that she is married because, apparently, her husband is emotionally abusive. Unfortunately, the author hardly gives the reader any reason to believe this about her husband because their relationship is never adequately illustrated or developed. Instead, the author uses way too many metaphors to characterize the main character's attraction to her old boyfriend. She is self-centered and seems to have no desire to even think about trying to save her marriage. Unfortunately, I've read a couple too many books lately about women who seem to have no regard for the sanctity of marriage (I have no problem with divorce but if your marriage is failing an affair is not the answer) and had no other redeeming qualities to make it a recommended read.

[Dale Harcombe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Do we ever really know even those in our own family? That is the premise of this novel. How much should we expect to know what they were like before we came along and what changed them? Ellie finds a journal belonging to her mother who has recently died and she sets out to uncover the woman behind the journal. This is a gentle, easy to read novel although I must admit I am getting sick of the catching up with the ex theme that seems to be around in a lot of books these days. As someone else said 'they are exs for a reason.' It also raised questions in my mind about the ethics of going searching for something buried in a person's life they have chosen not to reveal and possibly hurting others in the process. Despite these concerns I enjoyed the book, even though I had figured out who 'Him' was pretty early on.

[Cathie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love this author's writing style but did not care for the main character.

Poor Ellie made a seemingly bad decision when she was 20. (By the way, who the heck doesn't make a bad decision when they're 20?) Poor Ellie married extremely well and had a beautiful daughter and found a fulfilling career as an artist. But she shouldn't have accepted the rich guy with the great lifestyle because he just doesn't "get" her.

So even though her mother is dead, and her mother has a real story, we have to hear about this bad decision through the whole book. We pretend the book has something to do with her dead mama...but it's really all about Ellie.

Everyone loves Ellie for reasons I don't understand. But it takes Ellie the whole book to find out who she truly loves. Big surprise...it's herself.

+++++++++++++++++++++

[Joyce · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do any of us really know our parents and the life they led before we came along? "Coming Up for Air" is a story about Ellie Calvin and her search to find out about the life that her mother led in 1960-1961 and her part in the "movement". She found out about her mother's secret past only after her mother died. Her mother left a journal that was hidden and locked away. When Ellie found it and read it she went on a quest to find out about her mother's life and "HIM", the person her mother was so in love with. During this time Ellie also tries to discover in what direction her own story should go in. This is a beautifully written book, and one that you won't want to put down. I am looking forward to reading more of Patti Callahan Henry's books.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I dearly loved this book. It pulled at my heartstrings, made me teary-eyed, and left me hopeful. What more could I ask for?

Coming Up For Air is such an appropriate title for this book. It relates to an amazing phenomena that happens at the Summer House, and also to Ellie herself, stagnant in a suffocating marriage and desperate for air. It is the mystery she finds in her late mother's journal that is her catalyst. In uncovering her mother's secret life, those missing years in the early 1960s, and the impact they had on her, Ellie rediscovers herself.

This was a beautifully written novel about love lost and found again. About heartbreak and hope. With a well-drawn cast of characters and a magical setting, it was easy to be absorbed in the story. Keep the tissues handy!

[Sharon Huether · Rating 4 out of 5]

After Ellie lost her Mother in death, she trys to find her in the Journals she wrote while in college and in doing so she finds her mothers true love and the person she was before she married her father. Ellie needs this diversion because of her failing marriage. She gets reacquainted with an ex-boyfriend whom was her only true love. They cannot go back and start over,however she experiences what real love is. She cannot go back to her husband where there is no love,but happily goes on with her life. This book was easy reading and I did like it.

[Jamie Raintree · Rating 4 out of 5]

Patti Callahan Henry has such a beautiful way with words and she used them to paint another sweet and capturing novel. The story is one I think any married woman can relate to at one time or another. Marriage is a long journey--some us make it through it and some of us don't. As always, my favorite part of the novel was the landscape. I want to go to a jubilee! I appreciate the history Henry brought to this story and while that isn't something that is of much interest to me, it made Ellie's journey feel whole. Overall, a quiet and lovely and truthful story.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like a lot of other reviewers, it was unclear to me till near the end of the story why the main character was unhappy in her marriage/life. I actually thought her husband's anger was often justified as she selfishly pursued her own desires but finally in Chapter 18, it all pulled together for me and I finally got it! I did end up appreciating the story, the lessons especially outlined in Cotton's attitude to life, and above all, the lyrical writing by the author. I would rather have given it 3.5 stars but am feeling generous today :)

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just love southern novels, the freshness and the mysteries of family. When Ellie's mother dies she finds her diary and secrets in her mother's past that she needs answers to because she feels that she never really knew her mother. This leads her back to a childhood love and a beach house, where she discovers answers about her mother, her marriage and ultimately herself.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful story!! I am going to love reading books by Patti Callahan Henry. This grabbed ahold of me right away. Truly enjoyed this story which describes the strength of a woman noticing life is too short to live your life the way others expect you too! Fell in love with the characters. Was an easy to read book but was very hard to put down! Definitely on my favorites list!!!

[Judy Collins · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Fantastic! One of the first of her books I have read; THUMBS UP! I look forward to her older works. A mixture of generations, hidden secrets, summer love, revisiting the past...setting in Buckhead area Atlanta and Alabama...a must read - highly recommend as hard to put down! "

[etherealfire · Rating 3 out of 5]

Library hardcover

[Lori Mitchell Myers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't put this book down!! I read for hours because I was always at "a good part". I hope the author keeps writing, because she definitely has a gift!

[Becki Couch tompkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was touched and moved on several levels. Lesson, love fully and openly.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

„Die Schwere des Lichts“ von Patti Callahan Henry ist ein Roman über die Selbstfindung einer Frau.

Inhalt: Ellie ist mit ihren fast 48 Jahren unglücklich in ihrer Ehe, als überraschend auch noch ihre Mutter verstirbt. Auf der Trauerfeier begegnet Ellie ihrer Jugendliebe Hutch, der sie um Hilfe bittet. Für eine Ausstellung benötigt er Informationen über Ellies Mutter. Insbesondere über einen Sommer, als Ellie noch gar nicht geboren war und ihre Mutter Teil der Bürgerrechtsbewegungen Anfang der 60er Jahre gewesen sein soll. Davon weiß Ellie allerdings nichts. Doch dann findet sie das Tagebuch ihrer Mutter, in dem sie auch über eine geheime Liebe zu jener Zeit schreibt. Ellie beschließt eine Auszeit zu nehmen und die Geheimnisse ihrer Mutter zu entschlüsseln. Ist die Zusammenarbeit mit Hutch vielleicht auch für ihre Liebe eine neue Chance?

An sich geht es in „Die Schwere des Lichts“ tatsächlich um die Selbstfindung von Ellie, die mit ihrem bisherigen Leben unzufrieden ist. Die Autorin versucht allerdings, sie ihre Erkenntnisse nicht allein und auf sich bezogen gewinnen zu lassen, sondern sich zunächst am Leben ihrer Mutter entlang zu hangeln, die wie Ellie in jungen Jahren ihre große Liebe aufgegeben hatte. Warum? Aufgrund von äußerem Druck? Wer war die große Liebe ihrer Mutter? Was geschah zwischen Ellie und Hutch und ließ ihre eigene Liebe scheitern?
Neben diesen eher persönlich-alltäglichen Fragen, die für mich den interessanten Kern der Geschichte ausmachten, versucht die Autorin dem Buch allerdings auch beinahe zwanghaft etwas mehr weitreichende Tiefe zu geben, was in meinen Augen nicht gelang. Es ist kaum nachzuvollziehen, warum sich die Hauptprotagonistin so sehr in zwei, drei Jahre im frühen Leben ihrer Mutter verbeißt. Stattdessen schien es, als wolle die Autorin unbedingt, falls nötig mit Gewalt, etwas in die Geschichte verpflanzen, das sie zu mehr machen soll, als nur der Bericht einer Midlife Crisis, egal ob Politik oder philosophische Weisheiten.

Und so schaufelt sich die Autorin immer mehr „Schwere“ in ihr Buch. Bedeutungsschwangere Dialoge, denen die Natürlichkeit so sehr fehlt, dass der Leser die Situationen kaum nachvollziehen kann, Vergangenheiten voller Leid, aber auch großer politischer Tragweite– doch Tiefe will sich trotz allem nicht einstellen. Der Inhalt ist nicht nur vorhersehbar, er wirkt auch leer. Fade Charaktere, unsympathische Stereotypen, die langweiliger kaum sein könnten. Ellie, die arme Wahrheitssuchende, hat es an sich nicht einmal schwer beim Leser. Denn ihr Ehemann ist derart unerträglich, seine Launen für den Leser abstoßend und nicht tolerierbar – wer könnte es ihr verdenken, dass sie ihr Leben an der Seite dieses Mannes nicht mehr auszuhalten scheint, dass eine Wiederbegegnung mit ihrem Ex-Freund aus jungen Jahren alte Begehrlichkeiten in ihr weckt?

Der Ehemann, mit Namen Rusty, war tatsächlich eine der Figuren, die mir das Buch am meisten verhagelt haben. Nicht, weil er einfach unsympathisch war, sondern, weil er so stereotyp-unsympathisch, so eine mit vorhersehbarer Unberechenbarkeit gesegnete Mischung aus Macho-Choleriker und Weichei war, dass ich von der Klischeehaftigkeit oft erschüttert war. Den wollte man nicht nur um Ellies Willen nicht mögen, den konnte man nicht mögen. Das allerdings sorgte nicht nur dafür, dass man Ellies Wunsch nach einem Ausbruch aus dieser Ehe nachvollziehen konnte, sondern gleichzeitig auch für mein Unverständnis: Warum hat sie sich darauf überhaupt eingelassen? Die Antwort auf diese Frage erhält der Leser allerdings. Ellies Liebesleben und auch das ihrer Mutter wurde nicht etwa, wie uns das Buch vielleicht weismachen will, Opfer äußerer Umstände, sondern viel persönliche Schwäche und noch mehr Dummheit spielten eine Rolle – teilweise würde ich ihnen sogar berechnende Kälte vorwerfen. So wurde auch die Hauptfigur mir immer unsympathischer…

Ansonsten war Ellie ein nur schwer zugänglicher Charakter. Mit ihren 48 Jahren ist sie langweilig. Das Standard-Hausfrauchen (Schrägstrich: Hobby-Künstlerin) aus gutem Hause. Mann im Golfclub, Tochter auf dem College. Sie weiß nicht, wer sie ist; sie weiß nicht, was sie will – eine Vorzeige-Midlife-Crisis, die sie allerdings auf eine sehr stille, in sich gekehrte Art auslebt. Dieser zum Einschläfernden neigenden Unentschlossenen bei ihrem Selbstfindungsprozess zu folgen, war nicht wirklich aufregend. Der Ich-Erzählerin fehlte es in meinen Augen einfach an persönlicher Stärke. Sie war so passiv, selbst, wenn sie entschlossen auftrat, wirkte sie oft nur wie eine Zuschauerin, die sich von der gegebenen Situation mitziehen ließ. Manchmal ein bisschen trotzig, aber selten nachvollziehbar und wie vieles an dem Buch eher unnatürlich.

Was das Buch für mich ein wenig gerettet hat, waren Stil und Aufbau des Romans. Ellies Bericht wird unterbrochen von den Tagebucheinträgen der Mutter, die doch, wenn sie auch ähnliche Fehler machte wie die Tochter, insgesamt der interessantere Charakter war, der aktivere, der sein Leben stärker selbst in die Hand nahm und sich nicht so sehr fremdbestimmen ließ, wie es sich bei Ellie präsentierte. Der Schreibstil ist außerdem hervorragend, bildhafte Beschreibungen, Nachdenklichkeit mit Tiefe – jedenfalls dann, wenn die Autorin nicht dicker aufträgt als nötig. Ein schönes Haus am See kann doch einfach auch nur ein schönes Haus am See sein – es muss kein Haus sein, in das, der Legende nach, die Menschen dann kommen, wenn sie die Wahrheit finden wollen, nur weil das auf Ellie gerade so gut passt. Da wurde es manchmal unnötig theatralisch und es entstanden derart schwere Dialoge, an denen nichts natürliches mehr war. So entfernten sich die Charaktere oft wieder von mir als Leser, indem ihnen durch die Spur „zu viel“ das Reale geraubt wurde.

Fazit: Eine vorhersehbare Selbstfindung, die leider oft zu dick aufträgt und selten natürlich wirkt. Die Charaktere waren stereotyp, ihr Verhalten oft nicht nachvollziehbar. Durch den guten Stil und eine interessante, wenn auch etwas gezwungen wirkende, Hintergrundgeschichte ist „Die Schwere des Lichts“ durchaus gut lesbar. Ob man es allerdings lesen muss? Meiner Meinung nach nicht. Von mir gibt es gerade einmal knappe 3 Sterne.