Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves: Ditch Your Inner Critic and Wake Up Your Inner Superstar

by Amy Ahlers

Amy Ahlers helps women talk back to the nonstop chorus of criticism in their heads - voices not unlike those of the mean girls lurking in the hallways and locker rooms of junior high schools everywhere. Ahlers doesn't offer long-winded self-therapy or simplistic happy talk; she serves up straight talk that helps women know, feel, and tell themselves the truths that can transform their deepest inner thoughts - and their lives.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Audiobook, Feminism, Spirituality, Inspirational

242 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 11, 2011

About the author

Amy Ahlers, the Wake-Up Call Coach and best-selling author of Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves, is on a mission to wake you up to the sacred in your everyday life. After years of being a top-producing sales executive, she discovered the world of coaching in 2000 and never looked back. She is an International Certified Success Coach, the CEO of Wake-Up Call Coaching, co-founder of Visionary Ignition Switch with Lissa Rankin and co-founder of Find Your Calling with Lissa Rankin and Martha Beck. Amy has been a featured expert on TV and radio shows such as ABC, FOX, CBS, The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. She lives in Oakland, CA, with her husband, daughter and rescue mutt Rocky Blue.

Reviews

[Loredana (Bookinista08)]

Nu a fost o carte proastă, dar nici nu mi-a adus informații noi despre stima de sine. 😄 În schimb, pentru mine a fost ca un reminder binevenit despre cât de importantă sunt eu și nevoile mele, în primul rând, fiindcă doar având grijă de mine îi pot ajuta și pe ceilalți. E adevărat că unele idei sunt cam prea idealiste, tipice societății americane, care diferă de societatea noastră românească, dar mă repet, nu mi-a stricat lectura. Care a fost în format audiobook pe voxa. O experiență categoric plăcută. 😊

[Emma Sea]

I just could not. The problem started when I was told to draw pictures of my Inner Mean Girl and my Inner Wisdom.

a) No

b) It's totally not Ahler's fault, but I couldn't get the damn lunacy of Anastasia Steele's "inner goddess" out of my head and my cringe factor shot up to 15.

And then I hit page 10. Ahler said my Inner Superstar was disconnected from my Truth and I knew this book was not for me. I dislike this framing of ourselves as being fractured into multiple personalities.

This book might work for other people. I'm not rating because I'd be rating 10 pages. The rest of the book could be awesomesauce for all I know.

[Alexandra Dav]

E o carte interesantă, care ne reamintește că ne judecăm mult prea aspru deseori, dar și că nu suntem singure în această luptă.

Ce mi-a plăcut: structura cărții care a fost foarte bine gândită și prietenoasă; împărțirea minciunilor în capitole, ce a permis o citire mai ușoară; faptul că am avut și parte practică la fiecare minciună (care cred că va aduce rezultate dacă va fi urmată cum trebuie); afirmațiile și citatele prezentate; coperta; glasul tare prietenos folosit de autoare; oferirea de material în plus pe site-ul cărții.

Ce nu mi-a plăcut: mi se pare că, în încercarea de a ne face să devenim mai bune cu noi, s-a promovat un optimism care nu e prea realist în unele cazuri; unele minciuni s-au repetat, ele fiind doar reformulate; altele puteau fi mai dezvoltate; cred că ar fi fost necesar să se explice și procesul din spatele acestor provocări (cum influențează ele de fapt mintea umană, creierul ca organ), fiind un aspect care îmi trezește întotdeauna interesul; e o lectură bună ca un prim pas în direcția dezvoltării, dar e nevoie și de alte unelte pe parcursul acestui proces (cum ar terapia).

Mi se pare o carte utilă pentru femeile care vor să schimbe ceva la propria viață, dar și pentru cele care au nevoie să-și demonteze anumite concepte toxice moștenite de la părinți etc.

[Tami]

“I’m not enough.” “I should have known better.” “When I ____ I’ll be happy.”

It’s funny, if we heard our best friend say any of these things we’d immediately tell her that they were completely unfounded. We would remind her that she was loved and didn’t need to prove anything to anyone. Yet, when we say these things to ourselves we somehow manage to convince ourselves that they ring true. Of course, the reality is that these lies are no more true for us than they are for our best friend.

Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves looks into our head to say aloud all those nasty things we tell ourselves. I have to admit, it’s somewhat freeing to see those lies in black and white. Obviously, I’m not the only one who has negative self-talk. Once you realize that it’s harder to see the validity as you know for a fact that your best friend, the lady across the street, or your daughter are all perfectly fine just as they are. Perhaps, you are too.

[Donloree Hoffman]

A fast paced read that opens up what you may believe to be true, but in fact really isn't. By changing your mind, you can change your world. Ahlers reminds women how amazing they are and that more is possible than they choose to see.

[Erin]

Here's a sample line from the intro: "Doesn't it feel downright yummy to lean into your Inner Wisdom?"
Nope.

[Lisa]

I found some of this book helpful but the cheerleader-like way it's written made it hard for me to take seriously.

[Bernadette]

I've attempted to read other self-help books before and I will admit that by the time I reach the third or fifth page I am bored and still unmotivated. The opposite is true for this book! What I liked about "Big Fat Lies" is that each lie has its own chapter at about 2-3 pages each, which makes it easy to read from beginning to end. There is also an online reader's kit to help readers with the exercises and affirmations.

I think any woman, no matter who you are, will be able to find herself somewhere in this book. I checked out this book at my local library but I really want to purchase it to have on hand during my "off" days.

[Rexanna Ipock-Brown]

What a great book to keep around. Each chapter/section gives a lie we tell ourselves, such as, I'm unlovable, and then proceeds to tell us why that's a lie and what to do to change your thought patterns. I checked it out of the library when they got it and returned it when someone requested it. It was never seen again. The library went through the process of replacing it and I checked it out again four months later. I turned it in and bought my own copy.

[Amy Armstrong]

I'm not sure I'm ready for having a wedding ceremony with myself on a beach with a bunch of goofy friends doing the same, but more power to those of you who can do it! I love the affirmations, and Amy's practical suggestions as well as ways of pointing out the way most of us are our most unrelenting critics. This is a must-read for stress cases like me.

[Demelza]

I read this book in fits and starts and while I liked it, the teleseminar Amy Ahlers on this topic was much better. The teleseminar consisted of a bunch of 1-hour-long interviews with various people (Christine Arylo, Marci Shimoff etc) about the topic of Big Fat Lies.

This is a good book to start learning from, though, and since each "lie" is only 1-3 pages it makes for a quick pick-me-up.

[Tina]

This was a quick read and a good reminder about how powerful our inner mean girls can be. Would definitely recommend for 20-something phenoms who need a confidence boost!

[Aliya]

Intriguing read which tells you how the female brain is wired.

[Emily]

A few good nuggets here. Many felt cliche though or didn’t feel relevant

[Jen]

Wow...very good read- Lots of truths.

[Em]

I bought this back in 2013 when I was stuck in a toxic job and, due to family issues, couldn’t make a job change. I was looking for something encouraging to get me through a tough time, and this book offered a bit of that. It’s full of positive affirmations and gentle reminders to stop believing the worst about yourself.

That said, rereading it now—or even reflecting on it—it doesn’t hold up quite as well. The tone is friendly and upbeat, but the advice is surface-level and leans heavily on self-help clichés. The author is a life coach, not a therapist or researcher, and it shows. It’s more like an extended pep talk than a deep dive into the roots of self-doubt.

If you’re in a rough patch and want something easy and affirming, it might give you a boost. But if you’re looking for more grounded, thoughtful insight into women’s inner critics or personal growth, there are stronger options out there.

[Andreea]

Am ales varianta audio pentru aceasta carte ... probabil ca daca as fi ales sa o citesc ar fi in lista de ”abandonate”. Sunt cateva idei faine/utile in ea, insa nu consider ca merita mai mult decat sa fie rasfoita.

[Traceylee]

Why

In this book it tells you about how you think so many negative things women tell themself and how to change it to positive thoughts.

[Gabrielle]

Superficial.

[Oana]

Ideea e drăguță dar abordarea simplista și fără efect real.

[Măli]

unele lucruri sunt logice da e plăcut să asculți

[Raluca]

3.5

[Marinescu]

"Poți s-o iei de la început oricând vrei, pentru că ceea ce numim <> nu înseamnă să cazi, ci să rămâi la pământ."

[Laura]

Good book, but it is not so much about reading as doing the exercises which appear like they would be interesting. This book would be better to buy than to borrow from the library if you want to get serious and do the exercises.

[Another]

didn't finish. Lost interest. Too many other books to read.

[Ashley]

I liked the idea of the book. And I could relate to a lot of it. But ultimately, underwhelming.