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Father Hunger: Why God Calls Men to Love and Lead Their Families
Fatherlessness is a “rot that is eating away at the modern soul,” writes Douglas Wilson, and the problem goes far beyond physical absence. “Most of our families are starving for fathers, even if Dad is around, and there’s a huge cost to our children and our society because of it.” Father Hunger takes a thoughtful, timely, richly engaging excursion into our cultural chasm of absentee fatherhood. Blending leading-edge research with incisive analysis and real-life examples, Filled with practical ideas and self-evaluation tools, Father Hunger both encourages and challenges men to “embrace the high calling of fatherhood,” becoming the dads that their families and our culture so desperately need them to be. "Wilson sounds a clarion call among Christian men that is pointedly biblical, urgently relevant, humorously accessible, and practically wise." ?Richard D. Phillips, author of The Masculine God's Calling to Men "Father Hunger illulstrates one of the greatest influences or lack thereof on the identity of a a father. Read a book that will strike an invisible chord in the lives of men both lost and found." ?Dr. Eric Mason, pastor of Epiphany Fellowship, Philadelphia
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2012
108 people are currently reading
892 people want to read
About the author
Douglas Wilson
301 books4,587 followersI write in order to make the little voices in my head go away. Thus far it hasn't worked.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 165 reviews
November 26, 2014
I have read most of Pastor Wilson's books. All them are challenging in various ways. However, this book convicted me in ways his other books have not. I am not exactly sure the reason. I think it has to do with my oldest son turning thirteen. As my sons have gotten older, my own sins have become more apparent. This book did not just cut up some false views I had in my head. It cut up portions of my life that needed badly to be dealt with. Strange as it may sound this book led me to make a list of particular attitudes towards my family that I needed to repent of. It is also led me to pray more.
Here are three specific things that stick out:
1. A good father is a grateful father because he believes that God is sovereign over all things, including the annoying, irritating, ugly, things.
2. A good father longs for the responsibility that comes with children, a house, a wife, etc. He embraces the role because he knows this is what God made him for, this is how God is going to sanctify him, and God has given him this role to serve those around him.
3. Those fathers who cling to God are able to do what God has called them to do. One the easiest excuses for a father to make is that he is not able to affect change in his household. He believes he is impotent to do the job. Pastor Wilson's last chapter deals with this. He reminds us that if God calls us to be fathers then he will give us grace to accomplish the task. I have already leaned on this truth numerous times over the last several weeks.
Several reviews have noted that this book was not what they expected. I agree. It was different. But still very good.
Read Again in 2014. Just as good as the first time.
Here are three specific things that stick out:
1. A good father is a grateful father because he believes that God is sovereign over all things, including the annoying, irritating, ugly, things.
2. A good father longs for the responsibility that comes with children, a house, a wife, etc. He embraces the role because he knows this is what God made him for, this is how God is going to sanctify him, and God has given him this role to serve those around him.
3. Those fathers who cling to God are able to do what God has called them to do. One the easiest excuses for a father to make is that he is not able to affect change in his household. He believes he is impotent to do the job. Pastor Wilson's last chapter deals with this. He reminds us that if God calls us to be fathers then he will give us grace to accomplish the task. I have already leaned on this truth numerous times over the last several weeks.
Several reviews have noted that this book was not what they expected. I agree. It was different. But still very good.
Read Again in 2014. Just as good as the first time.
July 21, 2012
Excellent diagnosis of one of our societal plagues. Just a couple of nits to pick:
1) In the "Church Fathers, Ha" chapter, Pastor Wilson shows the need in the church for leadership by men who are proven fathers. He draws attention specifically to the need for decisive courage in regard to exercising church discipline. All well and good, but I'd have liked to see him make a wider application of fatherhood principles to shepherding. Clearly pastors and elders who major on disciplinarianism to the exclusion of more positive aspects of leadership are going to be about as effective as fathers who do. This book clearly and gloriously calls fathers not to make that error, so it was disappointing that discipline was the only aspect of church fatherhood that Pastor Wilson expounded on.
2) I appreciate Pastor Wilson's emphasis on the food neurosis form of gluttony as an oft-overlooked problem in our culture, but in a book called Father Hunger, neglecting even a mention of the overindulgence of literal hunger amongst his list of other types of dissipation makes for a strange omission.
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P.S. I think I'm s'posed to mention somewhere that I read an advance reader copy. Somebody posted a link, and who am I to pass up a free book? ;-)
1) In the "Church Fathers, Ha" chapter, Pastor Wilson shows the need in the church for leadership by men who are proven fathers. He draws attention specifically to the need for decisive courage in regard to exercising church discipline. All well and good, but I'd have liked to see him make a wider application of fatherhood principles to shepherding. Clearly pastors and elders who major on disciplinarianism to the exclusion of more positive aspects of leadership are going to be about as effective as fathers who do. This book clearly and gloriously calls fathers not to make that error, so it was disappointing that discipline was the only aspect of church fatherhood that Pastor Wilson expounded on.
2) I appreciate Pastor Wilson's emphasis on the food neurosis form of gluttony as an oft-overlooked problem in our culture, but in a book called Father Hunger, neglecting even a mention of the overindulgence of literal hunger amongst his list of other types of dissipation makes for a strange omission.
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P.S. I think I'm s'posed to mention somewhere that I read an advance reader copy. Somebody posted a link, and who am I to pass up a free book? ;-)
August 16, 2024
So good! The book can be wrapped up in a quote from the beginning dissecting the actions of the Father at Jesus baptism:
“First, when Jesus was baptized, His father was there. Second, He made His presence felt by sending His Spirit to descend like a dove in order to rest upon Jesus. Third, He made His presence known by speaking. Fourth, He expressed His love for His son “this is my beloved son” and last, he expressed His pleasure in His son.”
A good dad is there and makes it known. Our culture is missing that and hungry for it.
“First, when Jesus was baptized, His father was there. Second, He made His presence felt by sending His Spirit to descend like a dove in order to rest upon Jesus. Third, He made His presence known by speaking. Fourth, He expressed His love for His son “this is my beloved son” and last, he expressed His pleasure in His son.”
A good dad is there and makes it known. Our culture is missing that and hungry for it.
July 18, 2023
This is definitely my favorite book of Wilson's. It strikes close to home for me as a young man and as a father. I pray that God would use this book to raise up a new generation of godly men who strive to be great fathers like their Father in heaven.
July 30, 2012
This book is hope for the fatherless. I know Doug Wilson, I know his children, and I know his passel of grandchildren, and they are all hearty, jolly, God-loving proof that he knows his stuff when it comes to teaching men how to love and lead their families. If you're a dad, have a dad, want a good dad for your children--that's everyone--then read this book.
October 7, 2013
An incredible book, not least than for quotes like these:
"Left to their own devices, the sexual rhythms of untamed males are the rhythms of a biker gang or boat full of pirates. Civilization depends on getting men to submit their sexual 'Freebird' ethic to a far more stable feminine sexuality. Stable civil order depends upon getting a bit and bridle onto male sexuality." — pp. 78-79
"[O]ur ambitions must be converted the same way the rest of a man is—through the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ. Death is the ultimate detox center. It purifies everything. So, in order to be a clean ambition, it must be a resurrected ambition…. When God delays our ambitions, it is not because He is saying no, but because those delays help shape who we are becoming." — p. 105
"Men are built for a fight. They are built for conflict. They were created to overcome the dragon. They are built for work." — p. 115
"A man who takes a woman to the altar is going there to die to himself. But that is all right because it is not good for man to be alone." — 116
"The gift of celibacy is not a gift possessed by a twenty-nine-year-old living in his mother's basement, looking at porn. A single man involved in frontier missions, who does not struggle with sexual temptation, has the gift of celibacy. A man which two Xboxes and a trophy from the regional Halo tournament does not." — 116
"A woman is not the reward for being responsible. Almost all men need to marry before they are entirely responsible adults. A suitor should be a desirable candidate for future responsibility, but he needs a woman to get there. In this world, a woman is God's chief instrument for making a man responsible. He uses her to get him there. Just as the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, so also is the love of a good woman the beginning of male responsibility. Humanly speaking, you cannot get much masculinity without femininity." — 117
"A young boy who is being prepared for manhood should be taught the ropes of self-control when he is young, and when his passions are the same size that he is. When he scrapes his knee, his father should hold him for a minute, then teach him to 'blow it out.' When he loses a close game that he wanted to win very badly, his father should teach him good sportsmanship. When he is petulant because his mother won't let him have a bag of chips half an hour before dinner, his father should joke with him about it and make sure he cheers right up. In all this, the father is doing something very important, which is keeping his son out of the penitentiary (Prov. 23:14." — 119
C. S. Lewis: "“In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function. We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.” — The Abolition of Man (Toronto: Macmillan, 1947), 35.
"An observant critic of feminism once asked why a first-rate woman should want to become a third-rate man. A first-rate woman needs to be a first-rate woman to a first-rate man." — 143
"Left to their own devices, the sexual rhythms of untamed males are the rhythms of a biker gang or boat full of pirates. Civilization depends on getting men to submit their sexual 'Freebird' ethic to a far more stable feminine sexuality. Stable civil order depends upon getting a bit and bridle onto male sexuality." — pp. 78-79
"[O]ur ambitions must be converted the same way the rest of a man is—through the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ. Death is the ultimate detox center. It purifies everything. So, in order to be a clean ambition, it must be a resurrected ambition…. When God delays our ambitions, it is not because He is saying no, but because those delays help shape who we are becoming." — p. 105
"Men are built for a fight. They are built for conflict. They were created to overcome the dragon. They are built for work." — p. 115
"A man who takes a woman to the altar is going there to die to himself. But that is all right because it is not good for man to be alone." — 116
"The gift of celibacy is not a gift possessed by a twenty-nine-year-old living in his mother's basement, looking at porn. A single man involved in frontier missions, who does not struggle with sexual temptation, has the gift of celibacy. A man which two Xboxes and a trophy from the regional Halo tournament does not." — 116
"A woman is not the reward for being responsible. Almost all men need to marry before they are entirely responsible adults. A suitor should be a desirable candidate for future responsibility, but he needs a woman to get there. In this world, a woman is God's chief instrument for making a man responsible. He uses her to get him there. Just as the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, so also is the love of a good woman the beginning of male responsibility. Humanly speaking, you cannot get much masculinity without femininity." — 117
"A young boy who is being prepared for manhood should be taught the ropes of self-control when he is young, and when his passions are the same size that he is. When he scrapes his knee, his father should hold him for a minute, then teach him to 'blow it out.' When he loses a close game that he wanted to win very badly, his father should teach him good sportsmanship. When he is petulant because his mother won't let him have a bag of chips half an hour before dinner, his father should joke with him about it and make sure he cheers right up. In all this, the father is doing something very important, which is keeping his son out of the penitentiary (Prov. 23:14." — 119
C. S. Lewis: "“In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function. We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.” — The Abolition of Man (Toronto: Macmillan, 1947), 35.
"An observant critic of feminism once asked why a first-rate woman should want to become a third-rate man. A first-rate woman needs to be a first-rate woman to a first-rate man." — 143
June 19, 2017
Let's say, for the sake of logic, that the title Father Hunger: Why God Calls Men to Love and Lead Their Families, serves as the main point/thesis. That's a fair assumption, right? Now ask me why, according to this book, God calls men to love and lead their families.
Here's my answer: ?
The closest I can get to an actual answer is that Wilson tries to show us, "Look what happens to families and society at large when fathers don't do their job." But even that answer gets lost in a sea of tangents and rabbit trails. It seems that Wilson was trying so hard to communicate his thoughts on a myriad number of issues, that he lost track of his central message. As an author, he bears the responsibility of clarifying how his details support his main argument. But I don't think I got much clarification while I read. I also don't think this book can make up its mind about what it wants to be. Theology, politics, sociology, all of those, or none of those? Stand-alone essays or extended argument?
There are some good insights peppered throughout, but on the whole, I really struggled with this book because of how incoherently it is written.
(Read for the 2017 Tim Challies Christian Reading Challenge: A book targeted at the other gender)
Here's my answer: ?
The closest I can get to an actual answer is that Wilson tries to show us, "Look what happens to families and society at large when fathers don't do their job." But even that answer gets lost in a sea of tangents and rabbit trails. It seems that Wilson was trying so hard to communicate his thoughts on a myriad number of issues, that he lost track of his central message. As an author, he bears the responsibility of clarifying how his details support his main argument. But I don't think I got much clarification while I read. I also don't think this book can make up its mind about what it wants to be. Theology, politics, sociology, all of those, or none of those? Stand-alone essays or extended argument?
There are some good insights peppered throughout, but on the whole, I really struggled with this book because of how incoherently it is written.
(Read for the 2017 Tim Challies Christian Reading Challenge: A book targeted at the other gender)
August 3, 2017
Fatherlessness is the breeding ground for atheism. Doug convincingly shows that the way that the father "dominates" the household, whether by his destructive presence or his absence (whether physical or spiritual/emotional) drastically shapes both individual and societal understanding of masculinity and thus God. He also does a great job at pinpointing the correlations between squishy evangelicalism and family decline, and prevalent cultural sins (homosexuality, pornography) with deteriorating understandings of Fatherhood. Convicting and challenges one to consider their own father (whether good or bad), their own sin tendencies, and its relationship to their conception of God the Father.
August 31, 2017
This is right in Wilson's sweet spot, and it will richly rewarding. Even if you want to throw things at the wall (and I didn't) it will still challenge you and enlarge your view of fatherhood.
On the downside, sometimes Wilson whips out his concordance and goes at it hammer and tongs, with little comment. I'm in favor of more comments.
And on another downside, for you audio book people, I didn't really like the reader. It was clear, especially when pronouncing Greek, that the fellow didn't know his stuff. So it was distracting.
On the downside, sometimes Wilson whips out his concordance and goes at it hammer and tongs, with little comment. I'm in favor of more comments.
And on another downside, for you audio book people, I didn't really like the reader. It was clear, especially when pronouncing Greek, that the fellow didn't know his stuff. So it was distracting.
June 22, 2018
One of the more comprehensive works on the subject. Wilson provides a proper theology of fatherhood and then shows the importance of fatherhood in dealing with education, freedom, atheism, poverty, crime, feminism, sexuality as well as other subjects. There are many challenging lessons to be learned in this book and is worth being read and re-read. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and benefited greatly from it. Highly recommend!
January 4, 2021
Strong 4+
Chapters on the social and political stakes of fatherlessness held my attention the most. Some good practical advice as well that I found helpful. Makes me want to read George Gilder.
I would recommend this to fathers [/to be] but also good as a stand-alone treatment of the politics of the family and importance of fatherhood in the world as God created it. Will likely re-read this (or parts of it) in the future.
Chapters on the social and political stakes of fatherlessness held my attention the most. Some good practical advice as well that I found helpful. Makes me want to read George Gilder.
I would recommend this to fathers [/to be] but also good as a stand-alone treatment of the politics of the family and importance of fatherhood in the world as God created it. Will likely re-read this (or parts of it) in the future.
March 14, 2017
This is one of Wilson's most important, jam packed books, a summation of his wisdom on what's wrong with the world, America, families, fathers, and our selfish hearts.
If you are a father (or have ever had a father) you should read this book. The audiobook is excellent also, and very reasonably priced.
If you are a father (or have ever had a father) you should read this book. The audiobook is excellent also, and very reasonably priced.
June 11, 2012
If you're not a contrarian, you probably won't like this book. I am, so I did, even though in Wilson I have met my match, contrarian-wise. He is a wise contrarian, though.
November 6, 2019
Wilson at his best, and most careful. But by careful I do not mean PC--this is most certainly not PC-friendly! The author looks at what fatherhood is, what suffers when it is absent, how the state tries to become 'daddy', why the Word and blessing in services of worship must come from a male (preferably a masculine one!), how fruitfulness is a blessing and why our culture has come to hate that fruitfulness, and much much more. In short, Wilson ties virtually all of the subjects he is best on together under under the single theme of Fatherhood. Convincing, fun, and awesome.
For those who read his blog much will be familiar, but there are great points not normally covered, and the connections that only a full book can present are highly edifying and often convicting.
Great stuff!
For those who read his blog much will be familiar, but there are great points not normally covered, and the connections that only a full book can present are highly edifying and often convicting.
Great stuff!
July 23, 2012
Really good book.
Wilson surveys the damage fatherlessness has done in several aspects of our culture. I don't know if it was intentional, but it paralleled Schlossberg's "Idols for Destruction," taking a chapter on markets, another on education, another on politics, etc. Nice blend of cultural critique and personal conviction for fathers.
A weakness of the book is that you have to be familiar with how Wilson thinks to track with him at some points. He covers so much ground that he doesn't always connect the dots for the less initiated. Some parts were a bit disconnected, maybe linking blog posts together with less than smooth transitions. Might lose some people.
This is not a how-to, but gives background of why and what a father must BE, for families and societies to prosper.
I'll leave you with a gem, from pg 176.
"When a child is disciplined, one of the ways you can tell if the home environment is what it ought to be is by whether or not the first instinct of the child is to turn back to his father for a restoration of fellowship. If he does, then this means the general climate is one of fellowship, which the sin and discipline disrupted, and which the child want to have restored. But if the response to the discipline is anger, sullenness, and so forth, this is an indication that the discipline was acute pain that interrupted a larger pattern of chronic pain. The child does not try to restore fellowship because he does not have a good idea of what that might be."
Wilson surveys the damage fatherlessness has done in several aspects of our culture. I don't know if it was intentional, but it paralleled Schlossberg's "Idols for Destruction," taking a chapter on markets, another on education, another on politics, etc. Nice blend of cultural critique and personal conviction for fathers.
A weakness of the book is that you have to be familiar with how Wilson thinks to track with him at some points. He covers so much ground that he doesn't always connect the dots for the less initiated. Some parts were a bit disconnected, maybe linking blog posts together with less than smooth transitions. Might lose some people.
This is not a how-to, but gives background of why and what a father must BE, for families and societies to prosper.
I'll leave you with a gem, from pg 176.
"When a child is disciplined, one of the ways you can tell if the home environment is what it ought to be is by whether or not the first instinct of the child is to turn back to his father for a restoration of fellowship. If he does, then this means the general climate is one of fellowship, which the sin and discipline disrupted, and which the child want to have restored. But if the response to the discipline is anger, sullenness, and so forth, this is an indication that the discipline was acute pain that interrupted a larger pattern of chronic pain. The child does not try to restore fellowship because he does not have a good idea of what that might be."
July 14, 2017
I can't believe I forgot to add this book to my list. This should be a must read for all fathers. Be prepared to be challenged and convicted! Most fathers have an emotionally warm fuzzy love for their children. However if fathers were to be honest most would confess we can be lazy and self-centered and only be a father when it is convenient. Blowing up and yelling and/or administering the rod is far from the type of fathers God has called us to be in His word. Mr. Wilson's book is encouraging, convicting and instructional on being a true father. Not just a friend, provider or just another person in the house. If you are a father then read this book! Then start making the much needed changes.
July 20, 2015
Doug Wilson is devastatingly insightful. I almost always put his books down out of breath. In Father Hunger, he is perhaps at his most polished, interestingly publishing it through Thomas Nelson instead of his usual Canon Press for a much larger distribution and audience. This book has set my course for fatherhood, thoroughly explaining the absolute necessity of fathers in every family. Highest recommendations.
August 2, 2017
This is one of Wilson's very best. The book ranges widely--surprisingly so.
Wilson helpfully reminds us that fatherhood is written into the very fabric of creation, and that fatherhood is masculinity at its best--gladly assuming responsibility and being a blessing to family, church, and culture.
This is an outstanding book that men should read, and re-read.
Wilson helpfully reminds us that fatherhood is written into the very fabric of creation, and that fatherhood is masculinity at its best--gladly assuming responsibility and being a blessing to family, church, and culture.
This is an outstanding book that men should read, and re-read.
March 3, 2018
Wow. Douglas Wilson puts forth Biblical principles of fatherhood that I will come back to over and over again. I am very thankful for this book and if you are a father you ought to buy yourself a copy. For a chapter by chapter summary please visit my blog here: https://joshuasknives.wordpress.com/2...
May 11, 2012
A very non conventional book about being fathers and needing fathers. That is exactly why every Christian male needs to read it. This is about more than the title but about masculinity and who men were made to be. I'll probably be reading this again this summer. Powerful words here.
July 7, 2012
Excellent book. I would really like to encourage my female friends to read it. This book is not only about "how to be a father," it goes deeper, it deals with many important topics that are threating the Christian biblical family such as egalitarianism and feminism.
February 26, 2013
Excellent and thought-provoking. This is not your typical "father issues" book. Everything is brought back around to the gospel. Wilson, with his usual insight and razor sharp wit, traces much of our family and societal dysfunction back to absent and "present but unavailable" fathers.
May 29, 2012
Superb. A solid call to fatherhood on every front.
June 5, 2012
Wonderful and convicting and one that I will be returning to. It isn't exactly what I expected, but in a good way. It hit home on a number of fronts. I'll be returning to it sooner rather than later.
December 21, 2018
A crucial message. Atheism is fatherlessness. Obedience is a young person's glory. Will read again.
March 5, 2013
Wilson does an exceptional job at uprooting the desperate need of fathers returning to their place of leadership in society and culture.
January 23, 2023
Great exposition on the absent father and the father who is absentminded. Doug has a deep understanding of the impact that the lack of godly fathers has on our society!
August 22, 2018
I very much enjoyed this book. He did rabbit trail some but I found some very good information in this book!
July 14, 2021
Great book! One I will turn to again and again.
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July 2, 2022Lots of thoughts. Some good, some bad.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 165 reviews