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Artificial Maturity: Helping Kids Meet the Challenge of Becoming Authentic Adults
How to raise kids who can handle the real world Today's Generation iY (teens brought up with the Internet) and Homelanders (children born after 9/11) are overexposed to information at an earlier age than ever and paradoxically are underexposed to meaningful relationships and real-life experiences. Artificial Maturity addresses the problem of what to do when parents and teachers mistake children's superficial knowledge for real maturity. The book is filled with practical steps that adults can take to furnish the experiences kids need to balance their abilities with authentic maturity. Artificial Maturity gives parents, teachers, and others who work with youth a manual for understanding and practicing the leadership kids so desperately need to mature in a healthy fashion.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published May 9, 2012
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
January 16, 2019
Awesome book! If you are a parent of school-age kids or a teacher you really, really should read this book.
January 17, 2019
Are you the parent of kiddos born after Sept. 11, 2001? If so, your children are facing challenges unique to this newest American generation. They were dubbed iY and Homelanders when this book was published, although I believe they’re officially called Gen. Z now.
They’ve had information at their fingertips basically since birth. We’ve kept them busy since not long after infancy trying to make sure they’re the smartest and busiest kids on the planet. How has this and other cultural factors impacted their growth and development? And what changes can we make to ensure they end up being the greatest American generation yet? They have so many wonderful attributes, & the potential is there! Tim Elmore has some amazing tips to harness this potential during all stages of their life.
Don’t let the less than perfect rating deceive you. I LOVED this book, especially how it challenged me. I found it was just a little repetitive at times, & I think the content could’ve perhaps been a bit better organized. But those are the only reasons it didn’t receive 5 stars. I highly recommend it!
They’ve had information at their fingertips basically since birth. We’ve kept them busy since not long after infancy trying to make sure they’re the smartest and busiest kids on the planet. How has this and other cultural factors impacted their growth and development? And what changes can we make to ensure they end up being the greatest American generation yet? They have so many wonderful attributes, & the potential is there! Tim Elmore has some amazing tips to harness this potential during all stages of their life.
Don’t let the less than perfect rating deceive you. I LOVED this book, especially how it challenged me. I found it was just a little repetitive at times, & I think the content could’ve perhaps been a bit better organized. But those are the only reasons it didn’t receive 5 stars. I highly recommend it!
July 26, 2014
I like aspects of this book. I'm a big believer in children being provided with clear boundaries, but also given plenty of independence. I hate it with parents say that they just want to be friends with their teenager. I totally agree with the author when he says that the trend has been to give too little independence to children, out of fears of personal harm and stranger danger and just low expectations, and too much independence to teens and college age students. Adolescence should NOT end at age 35. I agree that kids should be given chores to do and expected to have a job during high school and pay rent if they move back home as an adult.
That being said, the author ALSO believes that anyone who isn't cisgender and straight has been tainted by BPA in foods. And CANNOT stop bringing up Second Life. He brought it up in his previous books as well. He's convinced that this is the worst game ever and based on his descriptions he doesn't even know what the game is. And he is best buds with the president of Chick-Fil-A. So while I think he raises some good points about instilling good values in children through high expectations, if the end result was a lesbian atheist MMOG-player he'd probably consider it a parenting fail, while I'd say that all of those characteristics are irrelevant to a person's personal integrity.
That being said, the author ALSO believes that anyone who isn't cisgender and straight has been tainted by BPA in foods. And CANNOT stop bringing up Second Life. He brought it up in his previous books as well. He's convinced that this is the worst game ever and based on his descriptions he doesn't even know what the game is. And he is best buds with the president of Chick-Fil-A. So while I think he raises some good points about instilling good values in children through high expectations, if the end result was a lesbian atheist MMOG-player he'd probably consider it a parenting fail, while I'd say that all of those characteristics are irrelevant to a person's personal integrity.
November 23, 2023
This book is dated, and I’m not sure if there is a new edition. Some of it comes across pretty pessimistic, though the author tries hard to balance this. He tries to be practical, but his premise is very theoretical, and so difficult to address every situation. Basically the reader has to figure out how to apply his ideas.
Give kids responsibility not just adult privileges.
Give them work not just entertainment to keep them out of “trouble.”
Prepare the kid for the path, not the path for the kid.
Lead and train, don’t just befriend and coddle.
5 truths about life (Richard Rohr)
☑️ Life is difficult
☑️ You are not in control.
☑️ You are not that important.
☑️ You are going to die.
☑️ Your life is not about you.
Now how do I get my kids to understand and embrace these truths with maturity? That is the million dollar question! 😅
Give kids responsibility not just adult privileges.
Give them work not just entertainment to keep them out of “trouble.”
Prepare the kid for the path, not the path for the kid.
Lead and train, don’t just befriend and coddle.
5 truths about life (Richard Rohr)
☑️ Life is difficult
☑️ You are not in control.
☑️ You are not that important.
☑️ You are going to die.
☑️ Your life is not about you.
Now how do I get my kids to understand and embrace these truths with maturity? That is the million dollar question! 😅
August 10, 2014
I read this book after reading an article about building leaders in children that contained the idea that intelligence in children should not be confused with maturity. I was intrigued so I sought out the book the idea came from. The basic premise is solid though not really anything new. However, a lot of the advice was really cheesy and inauthentic. Just one example is arranging to have teens "arrested" and brought to jail to teach them a lesson. Who does that? Those kind of set ups seem to contradict one of his main arguments which is teens respond only to authentic and real people and experiences.
This is just another author and another book saying everyone shouldn't get a trophy and while true has been beaten to death already.
This is just another author and another book saying everyone shouldn't get a trophy and while true has been beaten to death already.
November 9, 2017
A few notes and summaries of the book:
Tim Elmore's book argues that most adults provides too much structure and information too early for kids and gives them real life experiences too late. He argues that premature information without practical application can be dangerous and leads to "artificial maturity". Another way to say this is that kids today possess knowledge without context. A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.
In order to foster authentic maturity, Elmore offers four different approaches. 1. Provide autonomy and responsibilities simultaneously. 2. Provide information and accountability simultaneously. 3. Provide experiences to accompany their text-savvy lifestyles. 4. Provide community service opportunities to balance their self service time.
One problem he addresses is the dangers of bursts of information technology constantly provides us. Specifically, student's ability to focus is undermined by bursts of information. We have a primitive impulse to respond to immediate opportunities or threats, which for kids today means texts, tweets, and Facebook updates. With each possible piece of new information we receive a dopamine squirt, and this can become addictive. Without this constant stimulation, students can feel bored and devoid of direction. This creates a dependency on outside stimulation.
Another issue he addresses is the development of counterfeit or virtual ways to appease desires for excitement, novelty, risk, and connection. For excitement, teens may seek to get a tattoo or nose ring or ride roller coasters in order to meet this need. For novelty, instead of discovering their unique strengths and contributions at work, they may satisfy this desire by wearing bizarre clothing or coloring their hair. For risk, they avoid meaningful risk that can prepare them for adulthood, and instead satisfy this desire by playing video games, watching reality TV, or celebrity gossip. For connection, instead of moving out into face-to-face relationships in which they make get rejected, they satisfy this need online through social media.
He offers these ideas to transform artificial maturity into authentic maturity: Developing emotional intelligence, focusing on character and a sense of ethics, helping kids discover their strengths, and developing a sense of leadership so they understand that they are part of something larger than themselves.
Another issue with artificial maturity has to do with how children handle their talents. Often parents focus so much on giving them all the opportunities to develop their talent, that they fail to give them training in developing emotional maturity to go with those talents. Here is another list of suggestions for encouraging maturity in young adults: 1. Face-to-face relationships 2. Genuine as opposed to virtual projects and experiences 3. Multi-generational exposure 4. Saving money toward a goal 5. Service opportunities 6. Cross-cultural travel 7. Mammoth real-life challenges and opportunities 8. Participation on a team 9. Age-appropriate mentors 10. A rite of passage experience.
Four ideas to better engage students: 1. Problem-based learning. 2. Student-driven learning 3. Right-brained learning (creative/emotional connection). 3. Experiential learning.
EPIC mentoring = Experiential, Participatory, Image Rich, Connected
In order to get the most our of experiential learning, it is important to follow these steps: 1. The experience 2. Reflection on the experience 3. Abstract conceptualization (generalize to other situations, etc.) 4. Experimentation - try out the same skills/lessons in other settings
7 Phases of Growth and Development with objectives for each phase:
1. Personal foundations - personality, character foundation, teachable spirit, emotional security (0-6 yrs)
2. Character Formation - children learn through models - healthy choices, social awareness, capacity to prioritize what's important, submission to authority
3. Style and Identity Development - socialization by peers - personal disciplines and habits, awareness and discernment, solid sense of identity, healthy relationships, intentional attitude
4. Practice and Fitness - putting identity into practice - submission to authority, vision and ambition, emotional intelligence, strength and skill discovery, people skills, influence
5. Value and Production - midlife years - life purpose, sacrifice, priorities and focus, motive purification, productivity, widened influence, leadership reproduction
6. Convergence and Fulfillment - momentum, effectiveness, wisdom and objectivity, world vision, equipping ability, generosity
7. Afterglow and Finale - deep fulfillment and reward, wide range of influence, rest and poise, authority in their lives, multiplication of leadership
Throughout the book he offers examples from parents about ways to teach their children responsibility. For example, one parent decided to match every dollar their child saved for college and they also gave their children an allowance that was equal to their age each month.
Another parent talks about handling reference letters by asking students to write it and then they'll sign it. The exercise forces them to look at themselves from an outside perspective and helps reveal to them what they value about themselves and what they have to offer a potential employer.
One parent says they have their children who are in high school watch them pay their bills each month. They involve them with budget planning, cooking, and other basic life skills. Another parent says whenever their kids needed punishment for breaking the rules, they would make them read the newspaper. After reading a newspaper, they would ask questions about articles in the paper; they never knew which article the question would be from so they had to read the whole paper.
Another example has a mother who required her two sons to take her on a date before they are allowed to go out on a one-on-one date with a girl they like. They have to make it a real date and follow through with all the ways that they plan on treating a girl.
Tim Elmore's book argues that most adults provides too much structure and information too early for kids and gives them real life experiences too late. He argues that premature information without practical application can be dangerous and leads to "artificial maturity". Another way to say this is that kids today possess knowledge without context. A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.
In order to foster authentic maturity, Elmore offers four different approaches. 1. Provide autonomy and responsibilities simultaneously. 2. Provide information and accountability simultaneously. 3. Provide experiences to accompany their text-savvy lifestyles. 4. Provide community service opportunities to balance their self service time.
One problem he addresses is the dangers of bursts of information technology constantly provides us. Specifically, student's ability to focus is undermined by bursts of information. We have a primitive impulse to respond to immediate opportunities or threats, which for kids today means texts, tweets, and Facebook updates. With each possible piece of new information we receive a dopamine squirt, and this can become addictive. Without this constant stimulation, students can feel bored and devoid of direction. This creates a dependency on outside stimulation.
Another issue he addresses is the development of counterfeit or virtual ways to appease desires for excitement, novelty, risk, and connection. For excitement, teens may seek to get a tattoo or nose ring or ride roller coasters in order to meet this need. For novelty, instead of discovering their unique strengths and contributions at work, they may satisfy this desire by wearing bizarre clothing or coloring their hair. For risk, they avoid meaningful risk that can prepare them for adulthood, and instead satisfy this desire by playing video games, watching reality TV, or celebrity gossip. For connection, instead of moving out into face-to-face relationships in which they make get rejected, they satisfy this need online through social media.
He offers these ideas to transform artificial maturity into authentic maturity: Developing emotional intelligence, focusing on character and a sense of ethics, helping kids discover their strengths, and developing a sense of leadership so they understand that they are part of something larger than themselves.
Another issue with artificial maturity has to do with how children handle their talents. Often parents focus so much on giving them all the opportunities to develop their talent, that they fail to give them training in developing emotional maturity to go with those talents. Here is another list of suggestions for encouraging maturity in young adults: 1. Face-to-face relationships 2. Genuine as opposed to virtual projects and experiences 3. Multi-generational exposure 4. Saving money toward a goal 5. Service opportunities 6. Cross-cultural travel 7. Mammoth real-life challenges and opportunities 8. Participation on a team 9. Age-appropriate mentors 10. A rite of passage experience.
Four ideas to better engage students: 1. Problem-based learning. 2. Student-driven learning 3. Right-brained learning (creative/emotional connection). 3. Experiential learning.
EPIC mentoring = Experiential, Participatory, Image Rich, Connected
In order to get the most our of experiential learning, it is important to follow these steps: 1. The experience 2. Reflection on the experience 3. Abstract conceptualization (generalize to other situations, etc.) 4. Experimentation - try out the same skills/lessons in other settings
7 Phases of Growth and Development with objectives for each phase:
1. Personal foundations - personality, character foundation, teachable spirit, emotional security (0-6 yrs)
2. Character Formation - children learn through models - healthy choices, social awareness, capacity to prioritize what's important, submission to authority
3. Style and Identity Development - socialization by peers - personal disciplines and habits, awareness and discernment, solid sense of identity, healthy relationships, intentional attitude
4. Practice and Fitness - putting identity into practice - submission to authority, vision and ambition, emotional intelligence, strength and skill discovery, people skills, influence
5. Value and Production - midlife years - life purpose, sacrifice, priorities and focus, motive purification, productivity, widened influence, leadership reproduction
6. Convergence and Fulfillment - momentum, effectiveness, wisdom and objectivity, world vision, equipping ability, generosity
7. Afterglow and Finale - deep fulfillment and reward, wide range of influence, rest and poise, authority in their lives, multiplication of leadership
Throughout the book he offers examples from parents about ways to teach their children responsibility. For example, one parent decided to match every dollar their child saved for college and they also gave their children an allowance that was equal to their age each month.
Another parent talks about handling reference letters by asking students to write it and then they'll sign it. The exercise forces them to look at themselves from an outside perspective and helps reveal to them what they value about themselves and what they have to offer a potential employer.
One parent says they have their children who are in high school watch them pay their bills each month. They involve them with budget planning, cooking, and other basic life skills. Another parent says whenever their kids needed punishment for breaking the rules, they would make them read the newspaper. After reading a newspaper, they would ask questions about articles in the paper; they never knew which article the question would be from so they had to read the whole paper.
Another example has a mother who required her two sons to take her on a date before they are allowed to go out on a one-on-one date with a girl they like. They have to make it a real date and follow through with all the ways that they plan on treating a girl.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 8, 2016
I benefited more from Tim's "Generation iY" but this was overall a worthwhile read. The book is at times a breath of fresh air as Tim calls out the issues with youth that most youth workers sees firsthand. However, his diagnosis of issues seem a little inconsistent and inconclusive, leaving me wanting a little more definition of what he's really describing as problems and solutions. He also writes in a repetitive manner, constantly references his other works (pseudo-shameless plugs), and sometimes makes painfully forced alliterations (eg "be a father not a bother" ... huh?).
That said, he's writing on a tough subject that's hard to define (eg saying some teens are too busy may be true for some but not others, as I've seen exemplified between living in rural Illinois and later
Chicago). I don't know anyone else with more knowledge on the issue of adolescent development from a Christian perspective who offers helpful tools and models (check out Habitudes) and the first several chapters really do help the reader wrestle through the realization that teens are more mature in some areas of life than in previous generations but grossly behind in other areas.
So frustrations aside, I think most will benefit from this book. Just expect that there are diamonds in the rough and appreciate that Tim's trying to define an ever-changing demographic that's nearly impossible to define to begin with!
That said, he's writing on a tough subject that's hard to define (eg saying some teens are too busy may be true for some but not others, as I've seen exemplified between living in rural Illinois and later
Chicago). I don't know anyone else with more knowledge on the issue of adolescent development from a Christian perspective who offers helpful tools and models (check out Habitudes) and the first several chapters really do help the reader wrestle through the realization that teens are more mature in some areas of life than in previous generations but grossly behind in other areas.
So frustrations aside, I think most will benefit from this book. Just expect that there are diamonds in the rough and appreciate that Tim's trying to define an ever-changing demographic that's nearly impossible to define to begin with!
November 16, 2015
This book does a great job of giving the parent's of this generation some tangible ways to help coach and steer our children in a time that is so different from when we were raised. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and felt like it gave a lot of useful information. It was also a book that helped me to reframe how I respond to situations that seem to be so urgent, at the moment. Looking further down the road and being able to envision what you want for and would like to teach your children as they become contributors to this world, makes the decisions much easier and the choices much clearer. Enjoyed the ideas at the end of each chapter, from the field, on ways to help your child become authentically mature.
May 14, 2021
Do I love the concept of this book? Why, yes, I do. Do I agree with some of the author's assertions? Yes, I do. The issue I have with this book is that it lists out lots and lots of disjointed "correlation doesn't mean causation" kind of statements, so he goes on and on with things that are correlated and then asserts a thesis implying that A is caused by B, C, and D merely because B, C, and D are correlated. There's also a couple times where an explanation is needed. Like a parent mentions the idea of teaching their sons manners for dating by practicing a "date" with their own mother. This approach is distracting and polarizing, and there's no explanation to it, nor is the contentious practice necessary to mention when the point you're trying to make is "kids need to address problem solving sooner, more often, and most importantly IRL".
October 29, 2018
I agreed with most of his observations on what artificial maturity looks like and how to help great genuinely mature kids, but didn't find anything terribly new. I was hoping to hear more with regards to media and how to gauge when kids are ready for certain types of media, based on an article he wrote and referenced this book in.
January 28, 2023
I had high hopes for this book and was disappointed. While it has some great points about artificial maturity, it is dated. In one chapter he holds Bill Cosby up as an example of someone who created his own true maturity. I also felt that his suggestions on how to avoid artificial maturity are not realistic for many people.
September 1, 2024
This book has some good ideas on how to empower teenagers. It does tend to be a bit condescending and his assumptions about millennials are at times a bit far fetched.
April 18, 2013
I read this book as I prepared for co-leading a presentation and group discussion on raising our kids in this age of rapidly changing digital technology. I wanted to better understand the unique cultural climate of "Generation iY." Artificial Maturity provides many insights on that topic, along with some concrete suggestions for parents/educators/leaders to help raise the emotional and spiritual maturity levels of Gen iY-ers. Of course, not all young people in that age bracket exactly fit the Gen iY definition. But I am impressed with how the overall description seems to ring true. Those are some of the PRO's.
The CON's I found reading this book include Elmore's somewhat disorganized and halting writing style. It feels a little like listening to a CD with "skips" every once in a while. [I'm dating myself...definitely not a member of Gen iY!] Elmore seems to have adopted a structured, outlined approach, but never quite succeeds. There are many numbered or bulleted lists, so many that it can take some work to keep track of them. And I sometimes had trouble deciphering the purpose of a list as I would begin to read it. Also, it seems to me that the content of this book does not warrant its 272 pages, but could have been covered in far fewer pages.
So, a mixed bag. But I'm glad to have read it and gained a better understanding of Generation iY.
The CON's I found reading this book include Elmore's somewhat disorganized and halting writing style. It feels a little like listening to a CD with "skips" every once in a while. [I'm dating myself...definitely not a member of Gen iY!] Elmore seems to have adopted a structured, outlined approach, but never quite succeeds. There are many numbered or bulleted lists, so many that it can take some work to keep track of them. And I sometimes had trouble deciphering the purpose of a list as I would begin to read it. Also, it seems to me that the content of this book does not warrant its 272 pages, but could have been covered in far fewer pages.
So, a mixed bag. But I'm glad to have read it and gained a better understanding of Generation iY.
May 29, 2012
This was a good read, in that it was geared towards more than just parents--mentors, group leaders, teachers. And it had some good suggestions from readers about what they had specifically done that dealt with whichever problem he was describing. However a lot of the book was "oh my god, kids these days!" kind of stuff and while I agreed with it all, it was less satisfying.
October 3, 2012
I usually dislike statistical, generational studies. But Tim Elmore really makes some intelligent observations in this book. Some of it builds on his previous book, but it is still very good.
This is definitely one I will be revisiting.
If you read it, you will probably enjoy his insights as well as his easy-to-read writing style.
This is definitely one I will be revisiting.
If you read it, you will probably enjoy his insights as well as his easy-to-read writing style.
December 18, 2012
I can't get enough of Tim Elmore. His piercing insights into the increased access to unfiltered information and the delayed (or absent) expectations of responsibility in today's adolescents are spot on. I love that he presents the issue AND suggests a response. So many of these types of books profile the problem with no concrete suggestions as to how to fix it...
November 13, 2016
If you read Elmore's Generation iY, you came away with a sense of urgency and a desire to know how to respond. Artificial Maturity gives us the compass for our next steps. While he offers plenty of resources that can be purchased, he gives us a bearing in several areas that our organizations can plot a course. Well done.
May 29, 2013
This is an excellent book. It took me a long time to read because there is so much to process. I love the hope it offers as well as makes us aware of the danger of what we are doing now.
Which parent doesn't want to raise mature children. Parents should all read this book.
Which parent doesn't want to raise mature children. Parents should all read this book.
March 4, 2014
Best parenting book I have read in a long time. Focuses on parents of IGeneration. Must read for any parent with kids under 18. Gives hope and practical scenarios to raise your children in this media driven age.
June 25, 2012
Enjoyed many thoughts and points from this book. I also enjoy Tim's style of writing as he comes across to me as a practical writer.
July 11, 2012
Brilliant! I feel so validated now... I want to read everything this man has ever written and try to get him for a speaking engagement addressing our Church Youth and Parents!
November 10, 2012
Awesome!! All parents should read!!
June 19, 2013
Interesting look at the way we are raising our children today....and preventive measures to aid in better parenting. I like a lot of what this guy says.
October 18, 2013
A great read in terms of both content and style. The book started slow with a lot of info I had already heard, but then he went deeper and gave practical suggestions. Definitely recommend!
December 10, 2013
Every parent and teacher should read this book.
April 24, 2014
A must read and re-read for parents!
January 18, 2015
Great read
It widened my views about this world we live in and on how my generation needs some help
On our views and lifestyles
It widened my views about this world we live in and on how my generation needs some help
On our views and lifestyles
April 8, 2013
Great book! Highly recommend.
February 16, 2019
I am a teenager and I found this book fascinating, challenging and motivating. While I am not able to apply Elmore’s concepts to my children or students, I am able to apply them to myself. “Artificial Maturity” identified the downfalls of the younger generation but also provided hope, which is so important. There are so many applicable lessons, concepts, ideas and teaching in this book. A must read for everyone involved in the lives of teenagers, including teenagers themselves.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews