How to Forgive When You Can't Forget

by Charles Klein

This book, written by a rabbi, teaches us how to shift our perception--moving beyond the pain and mistrust and allowing ourselves to say with honesty and an open heart, "I want you to be a part of my life again." "A beautiful book that every person on this planet needs to read."--Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction

128 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1994

Reviews

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book is applicable to everyone. Don't we all have someone who we need to forgive and/or know someone who we want forgiveness from? This has many true principles of forgiveness that can help even the most resistant heart.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I don't have any huge issues with forgiveness, like I refuse to speak to someone, I haven't let go of some petty offenses from people in the past that I really should let go of and that's why I was interested in reading this book. Here are some quotes that made an impact on me from the book:

"What is becoming frighteningly obvious is that some people believe that relationships are expendable and people are disposable. Living in a throwaway age, we have become accustomed to getting rid of that which is no longer functioning properly."

"Anyone who angers you, conquers you. If only people understood how much power they yield to those who have caused them to feel anger and hatred. They permit another person to rob them of something as precious as their sense of well being and personal happiness."

"When we are more concerned about proving our righteousness than we are about setting right a relationship, the progress toward reconciliation can come to an abrupt stop. As we speak, so must we be able to listen - in order to understand better what has gone wrong and what is necessary to make things right."

This book speaks specifically to families who are struggling with forgiveness more than just general forgiveness, so I would recommend the book to someone who was having a problem with a family member.

[Angel · Rating 4 out of 5]

"How to Forgive When You Can't Forget" by Charles Klein is a self-help nonfiction book. The audiobook is narrated by the author, who is a Rabbi.

Listening to this 3.5 hour long audio is like attending several sermons in a row about the same topic of forgiveness. He is quite well-spoken and persuasive. I felt I learned more about the benefits of forgiveness than about how to get there. Overall, it is an uplifting program.

Thank you to Netgalley, Brilliance Audio, and Charles Klein for providing this audiobook in exchange for my honest review.

[William Scoggins-Martz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, an enigma in 106 pages. This text is an easy read that is certainly challenging to read. My heart is heavy. The hardest part of this book is deciding to apply its message to my own life. To move myself toward reconciling with those that I grieve who are still alive. Read it for yourself stranger. I think I have some phone calls to make.

[jodi smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read

[John Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rabbi Klein includes a number of stories, from rabbinical and Jewish history, his own ministry, and other anecdotes, on the need and power to reconcile. That's essentially the book, meaningful story after meaningful story. I often found myself stopping to write down the stories. They're all quite good and worth remembering.

While the stories alone make the book one of the best I've read in a long time, I still couldn't give the 5 star review I wanted to because there isn't as much on "how" as I'd like. Probably not as much as you'd like. Essentially the recommendation is to "open the door to forgiveness" and stick with it, noting that usually, when reconciliation happens, the new perspective leads the reconciled to wonder what took them so long. Why did we wait to restore our relationship? Or surviving family members who weren't able to reconcile before death ask why they held on to the grudge. Changing our perspective on what matters in life and in our relationships will usually reduce the significance of whatever breach or obstacle to reconciliation remains. That's solid wisdom and I appreciate it, but still no tips on how to do the reconciliation. Near the end Klein does say people respond better to love than to intimidation but I think that's the closest he comes to practical advice.

Given the title and promise of the book, I would have loved a chapter, as simple and short as the others, detailing what specific tips or tricks one might try when approaching attempted reconciliation. Because otherwise, the reader is left feeling inspired to indeed forgive even when we can't forget, which is awesome, but perhaps still daunted by the prospect of doing so.

Of course, feeling ready and inspired to forgive is maybe the hardest step, so still good and worth reading.

[Karen B · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars wanted to listen to this audiobook offered by NetGalley and Brilliance Publishing to see if I could understand and help resolve an estrangement with a close family member and someone close to them. The author, a rabbi, read the book himself with was an endearing touch. There were a lot of religious references-which I guess I was expecting but not as much as referenced, but overall there were many helpful tips on how one can forgive when they can’t forget. It had me contemplating often “if not now, when?” Another point that struck me as quite powerful when one is going through a situation of estrangement and reconciliation is “When I gives way to we” as it truly does take two people to reconcile differences. And finally, I thought this line was the most power in the book: “If you love me, tell me while I am living.” (I usually do not rate non-fiction/self-help/memoirs)

[Judy]

"Anger is too heavy to carry" p. 43
"Forgiveness is knowing something happened, which made us furious and then deciding, in spite of everything, to deny anger its power." p. 43
"Forgiveness is offered not because it is owed to another person. We give it as we come to understand that life is made meaningful by what we have given and not by what we have gained."

[Suzy Tyson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a deep dive into a VERY hard subject. While heavily rooted in religion, the paths and reasoning behind the suggestions of #Charles Klein can easily be understood and applied by anyone from the most devout to the never having practiced. Some great recommendations for how to let go of what it ultimately only harming ourselves.

#netgalley #arc

[Julianna Basile · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ehhhh….this book wasn’t what I was hoping it to be. It wasn’t relatable at all- it was also heavily focused on the jewish faith. However, that was the only aspect of the book that I enjoyed- I liked learning about the Bible stories and anecdotes as well.

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was very insiteful and I am glad to have read it. Gives me perspective on what I need to do to forgive myself along with other people

[Lewis Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many well thought out ideas and discussions on forgiveness and ways to resolve "issues."