found this book on a dusty bookshelf in a forgotten church library used for meetings.
but for me, it's what i've been looking for. really puts into practical words what is Grace, why it is amazing, why it is unhuman and unnatural--in fact, why it has everything of the divine and otherworldy about it. it should be the center of every christian's relationship with God--faith built on anything else is a shell and a missed opportunity.