No Substitute for Murder

Subbing isn't for Sissies #1

by Carolyn J. Rose

Divorced from a philandering con man and downsized from her job as a talk radio show producer, Barbara Reed is desperate for money. She’s got a mortgage, a college loan, an aging car, and a ten-pound spoiled dog named Cheese Puff. With her unemployment checks running out, she signs on as a high school substitute teacher and learns what stress is all about. When she finds history teacher Henry Stoddard strangled with his own outdated tie, her stress level soars into the red zone. Then she’s assigned to cover his classes. Stoddard was a bully and a blackmailer. The list of suspects is a long one, and police put Barb at the top. When she discovers a second body in the Columbia River, the noose of circumstantial evidence tightens. With help from the showgirl widow of a reputed mobster, a trash-scavenging derelict, and members of the Cheese Puff Care and Comfort Committee, Barb struggles to keep a grip on her job, her sanity, and her freedom. This mystery contains no vampires, werewolves, zombies, or space aliens. It was not tested on laboratory animals. It makes no claims to political correctness. Characters may not be fully clothed at all times.

Genres: Mystery, Cozy Mystery

253 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 10, 2011

About the author

Carolyn J. Rose grew up in New York's Catskill Mountains, graduated from the University of Arizona, logged two years in Arkansas with Volunteers in Service to America, and spent 25 years as a television news researcher, writer, producer, and assignment editor in Arkansas, New Mexico, Oregon, and Washington. She lives in Vancouver, Washington, and her interests are reading, gardening, swimming, and NOT cooking.

Reviews

[Melanie Sherman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ll start by admitting I met Carolyn J. Rose when I took a writing class from her. I just finished "No Substitute for Murder" which I think is her best book yet. I don’t want to waste a lot of time giving you a synopsis. You can read other reviews for that. What I will tell you is that this book had me laughing from the first paragraph, right down to the last line. Murder does that to me, I guess, when it is written by Carolyn J. Rose. Yes, there are some tense scenes mixed in with the wild ones, lest you think it is all fluff.

Although there were many great scenes, there is one so fabulous that I snorted water through my nose in a restaurant, slapped a hand over my mouth, and attempted to stifle the guffaws bursting between my fingers. If you have ever broken up with a boyfriend, or husband, or know someone who has, this scene may affect you the same way. The ex-husband is literally caught with his pants down, and the very likeable protagonist gets to be a “fly on the wall”. This is a must read.

Getting back to the fluff; Carolyn has added a character by the name of Cheese Puff, who is precious and pampered, except when faced with murderous villains. He was adorable and if it weren’t for my cats, I’d consider getting a puppy just like him.

I highly recommend this book.

[Pam Stanek · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard someone say she liked this book, but wasn't fond of the quizzes at the first of each chapter. Personally, I liked them; they were hilarious. That may be because I use to be a teacher, but I think anyone might find them amusing, regardless of his/her occupation. Actually, I must say I thought the entire book was a hoot! I'm not one for mysteries, but this one was related with so much humor and description, I found myself giggling all the way through. (I refrained from positive red-pen comments in the margin...but it was hard). The only thing I would have like to see is the quiz questions at the first of each chapter repeated at the end along with the correct answers. That way, I wouldn't have had to flip back and forth. Nevertheless, my suggestion to anyone who did not enjoy the quizzes, is to just skip them; it wouldn't detract for the plot; it just gives it a little extra pazzazz.

[Candace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this! Review to come...

[Carolyn Rose]

My latest cozy mystery, just out on Kindle, 12/12/11. Soon to be a paperback.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved, loved, loved this book! As a teacher myself - and someone who subbed for a while as well, including a long-term subbing assignment before I got my full teaching credentials - I could really relate to Barbara's "adventures in subbing." Rose really gets those details right!

I love Carolyn Rose's writing style; she has a very natural voice in relating the elements of the story, and she created such wonderful characters with just the right amount of details to give me clear pictures of each of those characters. The mystery embedded within the story was okay; it wasn't my favorite part. What kept me turning the pages were the character studies and the great details of Barbara's life. In fact, I would have loved the book even without the mystery. What I did like about the mystery was that it didn't overwhelm the rest of the story, and it was pretty realistic - even with the sudden twist thrown in during the teachers' lounge conversation toward the end of the story. I also liked that while Barbara was involved in the mystery, she didn't become an amateur sleuth that cracked the case wide open through her superior investigative skills. And I hope she doesn't turn into one of those in future stories in the series. I want to see more of her teaching adventures take center stage.

I will DEFINITELY be following this series. Can't wait to see what other "subbing" adventures await Barbara - and to meet up with the simply divine Mrs. B and Cheese Puff again!!

[Sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

Being a substitute teacher is difficult enough, but when Barbara shows up for her first day on a new assignment at the local high school and finds a dead teacher in the history classroom, she can tell it’s definitely not going to be a good day. When she finds a second body a couple weeks later, she’s sure the police will consider her a prime suspect. At the same time, she wonders why her ex is hanging around her apartment complex and what to do about the “goth” student who has taken a shine to her and the neighbor who is luring her dog Cheese Puff with martini olives and expensive steaks. My first impression of this book was not good. The author used far too many words and tried too hard to be funny. I won’t finish this, I decided. And then I picked it back up and read the whole thing in one day.

[Krystyna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a substitute teacher is no joke

Fabulous! We've all taken jobs that we have hated and this series is based on that fact. High school, a murder and a Web of clues and twists that will have you confused but extremely entertained. Can she clear her name of the teacher's murder? A quirky, humorous look at a teacher's life. Great rea8d.

[Julie Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

So entertaining

I enjoyed this book so very much. If you’ve ever been a substitute teacher or a career educator, you’ll love her. If you’ve ever had a sub in a classroom as a student you qualify also. She’s smart, insecure, and snarky. If you like quirky, comedic cozies, I’m pretty sure you’ll be entertained by this series. I can’t wait to start the second one!

[Sandra Lopez · Rating 2 out of 5]

A substitute teacher. What else can you do when you have no job, no money, and were forced to sell your house?

Barbara Reed reeked of desperation and pride was something she couldn’t afford. So why not teach?

Story had a certain wit that I liked, but it still lagged considerably. My god, it was so slow. Where’s the dead body already? The cover wasn’t that great either.

[Sandy Shin · Rating 3 out of 5]

A heroin with whom you cannot bond, totally improbable scenario, but enough humor to keep you reading

[Ann Wright · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty entertaining if predictable

I enjoyed the story about a substitute tea her who finds herself embroiled in a mystery about the death of a teacher where she works and winds up living next door to her ex jerk of a husband. There’s a completely lovable dog and an entire committee of concerned neighbors and enough teaching g stories for some outright chuckles.

[Laurie • The Baking Bookworm · Rating 1 out of 5]

** This review, as well as many more, can be found on my blog www.thebakingbookworm.blogspot.com

Author: Carolyn J Rose
Genre: Mystery
Type: Kindle ebook
First Published: January 2012
First Line: "The problem with getting your life back on track is that there's usually another catastrophe hurtling down the rails to knock you off again."

Synopsis: Barbara Reed has hit a major slump in her life. Recently divorced and out of a job she's hoping that something good will be on the horizon. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like Barbara's life is on an upward swing yet. Her con-man/philandering ex-husband has decided to move into the same apartment complex and her unemployment cheques are about to run out. Desperate to make some money to make ends meet she decides to take a job as a substitute teacher at the local high school.

Barbara is worried about dealing with hundreds of teenagers each day but that is the least of her problems. Her stress level skyrockets when she finds the stodgy old history teacher, Henry Stoddard, strangled in his classroom. Henry was a mean spirited old curmudgeon who had blackmail material on most of the staff. Unfortunately, since Barbara was the person to find the body people assume the worst of the new supply teacher. Barbara vows to clear her name but with the police suspicious of her already Barbara needs to work fast.


My Thoughts: This was one of those books that received very favourable reviews in the Kindle store so I took a chance and bought it eager to find a new mystery writer/series. Unfortunately I disagree with the numerous 5 star ratings and, quite honestly, I'm confused by them. In my humble opinion, this book was not at a 5 star level for various reasons.

First of all, if the dog in the book has a huge roll and more of a personality than the human characters you know you're in trouble. Cheese Puff the dog got a lot of page time in this book. While he may be cute he should have been off on the sidelines more so the mystery could be showcased. I think the author was going for cutsie/quirky but I was hoping for a lot more suspense and less cutsie canine.

The other characters, with the exception of quirky neighbour Mrs Ballentyne, were all one-dimensional and very blaw. No one really stood out and they all started to blend together. This was proven when I kept getting various teachers that Barbara works with mixed up.

Mrs Ballentyne, while more of a well-rounded character, still wasn't as interesting as she could have been. Her nefarious past and connections were hinted at but not used to benefit the story as much as I would have hoped or expected.

But I think it's Barbara's relationship with her sister that bothered me the most. I find it very off putting when a main character has the backbone of a squished slug. She's the family doormat and allows her sister to steam roll over her. I just don't like reading about someone taking verbal abuse/bullying and not standing up for themselves. It just doesn't appeal to me. Also, the sister didn't add anything to the overall storyline so I'm not sure why she had to be added.

As for the mystery part of the story? It was very slow and never really felt like it had any oomph from the get go. The suspense was nonexistent since there were no cool twists or shockers thrown in to shake things up. Even the conclusion of the mystery wasn't a surprise. Not the sign of a good mystery.

Finally, at the beginning of each chapter there was a quiz about substitute teaching. Perhaps if I was a substitute teacher I'd appreciate those quizzes but after the first few chapters they just got annoying and I skipped them.

Unfortunately this mystery didn't pan out as well as I had hoped. The writing style was decent but the suspense and memorable characters just weren't there.

My Rating: 1.5/5 stars

[Lath · Rating 4 out of 5]

Carolyn J. Rose’s No Substitute for Murder” book was a joy to read. The writing was concise and stayed on point. This book was a quick read that kept me laughing throughout. This was embarrassing when I was laughing aloud while reading it on my Kindle while riding on my commuter bus going home in the evening. I got many quizzical stares.

Barbara Reed is a substitute teacher who is recovering from a nasty divorce while trying to complete her master’s degree. While substituting, a murder happens at her school. The character I liked the most was Barbara’s dog, Cheese Puff. He is a hoot and is very much pampered by members in the community. I would love to have a dog like Cheese Puff.

The one con I have is that the quizzes at the beginning and ending drove me crazy. Maybe this is because it reminded me being in school.

If you like a funny cozy mystery, I highly recommend this book. I am looking forward to reading the next book in this series.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Barbara Reed of Reckless River Washington has suffered a series of losses in 2009; her research job on Rick Rivers Radio show, her home to housing market crash after her conniving ex-husband wiped out her savings. To keep her tiny apartment mortgage paid and feed her tiny orange dog Cheese Puff, Barbara signs on to be a substitute teacher. The teaching and administrative staff at one high school are a great group of characters and the murder of Harry Stoddard creates a temp job for Barbara but also puts her on the suspect list. When a second body floating in the pier near Barb's condo turns out to be that school's assistant principal, homicide detective Charles Atwell is convinced Barbara's involvement is more than a coincidence. Three books in the series (so far) have all been a good reading experience.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a former educator, I have to admit that Carolyn Rose's account of subsitute teaching cracked me up, mostly due to her humor. The first character she introduces is Wilhemina Frost, affectionately called Big Chill, who schedules subs for teachers. I could swear I worked with this woman for six years. LOL. And who among us hasn't worked with someone who was "a festering boil on the backside"?

I enjoyed the main character, who admitted to having "a water glass figure" and her narration about subbing and getting herself involved in a murder investigation through no fault of her own.

I giggled throughout the novel, vowing to read another book by Carolyn Rose. If you enjoy a mystery with plenty of chuckles, check out No Substitute for Murder.

[Marja McGraw · Rating 5 out of 5]

No Substitute for Murder by Carolyn J. Rose kept me guessing and her humor kept me smiling.

When a substitute teacher, Barbara, finds a dead body in one of the classrooms, and the dead man isn't one many will miss, the adventure begins. As a suspect she feels she must search for the killer before he or she comes after her. With a second murder and an attempt on her own life, things become pretty sticky.

The cast in this story was entertaining and lovable. Even her ex-husband and screwy sister held my attention. Her dog? Cheese Puff? Loved him.

There wasn't a thing I'd change in this story and I highly recommend it to brighten your day. Carolyn J. Rose writes a MOST entertaining story.

[Connie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Barbara Reed really needs a job so she becomes a susbtitute teacher. There she stumbles across the body of another teacher and the police have her on their list of suspects. While dealing with her class of unruly students, she is watching and listening to the other teachers to decide who might be the killer. It seems this murdered teacher has a lot of people who might have wanted him dead, so the list of suspects is long. And she never thinks she will find another body!

This book was filled with mystery, romance and humor. I'm looking forward to reading more books with these characters.

FTC Disclosure: I received a copy of this book from the author hoping I would review it.

[LLona Cunningham · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were a couple times when I wondered if I was going to finish it -- dealing with kids in school and obnoxious administrative managers didn't hook me right away. Glad I stayed with it to get into the really funny stuff. Love the characters and their personal parts in the story. Pace got a little slow in a couple places but it picked right back up with scenes I definitely didn't anticipate. Glad I've already bought the next one (No Substitute For Money).

[Patricia Gligor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved "No Substitute for Murder" by Carolyn J. Rose! So much so that I can't wait for tonight when I will sit down to start reading the sequel, "No Substitute for Money." Ms. Rose has an incredible talent for writing an intriguing mystery that will put a smile on your face and occasionally make you laugh out loud. You won't want to miss reading about substitute teacher Barbara Reed and the other fascinating characters. I highly recommend this book!

[Denise Spicer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This first book in a series is set in a fictionalized Washington State high school. Lots of witty descriptions, lively banter with teen students and faculty colleagues. The interesting and engaging characters include condo neighbors, cops and of course the AWESOM AND ADORABLE little dog Cheese Puff. Enjoyment is definitely hampered by inclusion into the story of gratuitous sex talk and the obligatory lesbian.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

First let me say that Carolyn J. Rose is a good friend. Whew that's out of the way.
Friend or not this is a fast fun read. I can still see most of the characters in my head including the incredible Cheese Puff! The pace never seems to lag and the pop quizes at the start of each chapter are hilarious.

If you want a fast, fun, laugh out loud mystery then this is the book for you.

[Anko · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was short and very enjoyable. The author expertly delivered a murder mystery with some unexpected twists and turns and enough humor the reader wish for more. The pop quizes at the beginning of each chapter were made me laugh and the answers for them at the end of each chapter were even better. Good read.

[Mascanlon · Rating 3 out of 5]

A witty fun read as Barbara rRed tries to get back on her feet after losing her job and a recent divorce by heading back to the classroom as a substitue teacher. A few farfetched coincidences and more than one unlikely rescue by the handsome cop don't spoil the laughs or the pot. A nice relaxing cozy with a lot of laughs!

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a light mystery with a little romance thrown in. The characters are colorful and for anyone who has worked in a school, the descriptions of being a substitute teacher are pretty on target. I got a little tired of the multiple choice quiz at the beginning of each chapter, but that won't keep me from trying another in this series.

[Bette Worcester · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found aspects of this book predictable with too easy humor, then realized it's a "cozy" which by definition doesn't delve deeply into much of anything including character development. The plot moved along nicely. I need to read regular mysteries with Daniel Silva and Louise Penny being favorite authors.

[Siobhan Justinger · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh, I bought this book for an easy vacation read but I just couldn't really get into it. I found the writing a little amateurish and lacking for my tastes. Others clearly liked it but it just wasn't for me.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this at a very cheap $0.99 from Barnes & Noble. This book was really funny! I really enjoyed it. Then I found out the author lives in Vancouver, WA, where I grew up and where my family still lives. Small world!

[VLynch · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was ok, it had an interesting story and decent characters but for some reason it just did not excite me much. I can't say why, there is no complaint about this book. I guess there was just no chemistry between me and the characters. : )

[Debra · Rating 3 out of 5]

Light fun mystery featuring a substitute teacher with her captive cast of thousands - other teachers, friends, and her dog. Short and amusing, it worked because the length allowed me to appreciate the humor.

[Peggy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a great fast, fun summer read. The main character is a substitute teacher who has a small dog - so I can relate to her! The quizzes about subs at the beginning of every chapter are hilarious (especially to a teacher)!