Men in Bed: Everything a Woman Needs to Know About the Good, the Bad, and the Kinky

by Barbara Keesling

A noted sex educator seeks to address disparities between real-world sex and illusory sex as depicted in pop culture, counseling women on the physical and psychological causes of male sexual issues while sharing anecdotal advice on communication strategies and techniques for pursuing a more satisfying sex life. 30,000 first printing.

Genres: Nonfiction, Sexuality

256 pages, Hardcover

First published April 17, 2008

Reviews

[Sophia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Men in Bed is a good lay introduction to what can be affecting a man's sexuality. A self-professed sex enthusiast, Barbara Keesling turned hobby into career after reading an epiphany-inducing article about a local sex clinic employing sexual surrogate partners. She goes on to earn a PhD in health psychology and write books like The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex and All Night Long.

Here she draws equally from her academic background and extensive personal experience in describing the types of sexual difficulties heterosexual women might encounter in their invited bed partners such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, low desire, compulsive sexual behavior, and effects of age, medication, drugs and alcohol on sex.

Her target audience is not the young sexually uninitiated woman, but rather someone who might perplexed by a never-previously-encountered issue. She achieves a cheerful older-experienced-sister tone, relaying accurate psychological/medical information and parlaying personal anecdotes. There's not too much very explicit, step-by-step instruction, more a general outline of how to approach the given issue. Although the book might benefit from some diagrams -- especially when she goes over anatomy -- it still stands as a non-judgmental, more reality-based than Cosmo primer on sexual issues women might encounter with their men in bed.

[Kathrynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed this one! "What Everyon Woman Needs to Know About Her Guy's Sexual Behaviorr" is an excellent source reference for both men and women. The author lays it out there, ina clear, sometimes funny format. The chapters are:

1. The Man in Your Bed: Some Essential Information
2. The Overexcited Man
3. The Guy with Erection Issues
4. He Never Seems to Ejaculate!
5. He's Not Interested in Sex!
6. Do you like what he likes?
7. Is there such a thing as a sex addict? Could he be one of them?
8. Kinky and Compulsive
9. Getting real about illness, meds, drugs, and booze
10. Good and great lovers: What they do and don't do
11. Summing Up: The Sex Therapist's Best Advice

[Dawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

How do you review a book like this?

I was expecting more anecdotes, and this was more educational. She talks about common issues and concerns, nothing in particular about kinks, to some extent she seems quite dismissive of kinks in general. She offers ideas and options for fixing certain issues. She offers advice on men that you shouldn't get involved with. She also spends a fair amount of time saying (in essence), Don't judge a book by it's cover. And reminding women that men are all different and while many stereotypes are very accurate, there are men who don't conform. Shocker, there are men who are happy to be celibite. It was interesting but not (currently) useful for me.

[Vicki · Rating 3 out of 5]

The most interesting thing about this book is the author's life. To quote the back flap, she's "a well-known sexologist, therapist, writer, and educator... She began her career as a sexual surrogate partner...a Ph.D. in health psychology..." Gee, that's what Brian was working on a Ph.D. in?!?!?! I don't think it was exactly the same sort of "health", though, or he wouldn't have wanted to change to something different (ha ha).

[Amy Denim · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is some great and informative stuff in here; knowledge every woman should have. The author seems a little judgmental of kink though.
I liked how she told stories of women and clients she worked with so that the information was relatable and not just clinical.
I'd recommend this to any women in the world (and also romance writers!)

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simply written and very informative .

[Logicalrunner · Rating 2 out of 5]

Anyway there were only 2 things in it that I didn't know: the definitions of Priapism and Phimosis.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice overview of the different kinds of men - and their problems - a woman might meet in bed.

I really liked the concept of this book and the various misconceptions about men's sexuality Barbara dismantles. She explains that women often take a man's issues personally, for example a lack of erection, ejaculation, interest in sex, as well as too much interest in sex, porn, quick ejaculation, and various compulsions.

The author clarifies that usually the issue is complex and lies within the man, and is not a reflection of the woman's bad actions or unattractiveness. She helps the reader understand what could be causing those issues and how to overcome them.

What I liked is that Barbara did not stray from explaining her own experience with these kinds of men, as well as from telling you not to get involved romantically with some of them. It was good to read even without an involvement with anyone just to think back to this book as a reference point potentially in the future.

[Kes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rather informational book about the problems that can affect a guy's sexual performance (e.g. premature ejaculation) as well as tips to help him get better. The introduction is helpful - it explains a guy's body as well as the varying performance you might expect based on his age.

The author is also clear that this book is not meant for guys with problems that require intensive therapy by the appropriate professionals; this is instead a book for guys who have limited information (their issues stem because they are clueless and don't know what to do) or require specific suggestions to improve. It's therefore pitched at that level, and every issue brought up has suggestions to help the guy work through it.

Side note: I was actually quite impressed that I could borrow this through the national library.

[Trinity Maev Whitfield · Rating 1 out of 5]

This woman doesn't know the definition of kinky. Also, sexual surrogacy is just prostitution. She takes a very biased standpoint and even describes sleeping with married men and that it's okay for men to watch pornography (one of the biggest addictions men have that interferes with their sex lives and sexual insecurities)

[BryantheNo-Self · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a male and was reading this out of curiosity to see what it was about and the book was much better than I expected first because of its low score.

It covers a lot of topics and tips for short term and long relationships, abusing substances and what it does to your sexual system and your relationship, addictions and much more!!

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is funny, easy reading book. You can read it before sleep, on top of coach, or anywhere you feel private and relax. You will laugh out many times.

[Dee’s Cozy Corner Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read. Mostly medical.