Dig Two Graves

by Eric Beetner

Dig Two Graves is a novella-length piece about Val, an ex-con who thinks he has figured out the trick to continuing his bank robbing life without ever getting caught. Except then he gets caught.

It’s not his plan that backfires, oh no. There’s a rat somewhere and Val is pretty damn sure who it is – Ernesto, his prison lover who has joined him on the outside as his partner in bank robbery.

Val stalks the city night on the hunt for Ernesto to exact revenge for breaking the ultimate criminal code: you don’t rat out a partner.

Along the way Val wrestles with his feelings for another man. Was it a prison infatuation born out of necessity? Or is it something more? And which makes the betrayal sting worse?

Populated by small time losers and petty crooks, Dig Two Graves is tough and stripped down like a fight without gloves. The humor is strictly from the gallows and the pace is relentless, plowing through one furious night like burning hate coursing through veins.

PRAISE

"Dig Two Graves" is the product of a diseased mind, and I mean that in the very best way. If you like stories about revenge and criminals fucking up their own shit, this one's for you." -- Scott Phillips, author of The Ice Harvest and The Adjustment


"DIG TWO GRAVES is everything you want a blackly comic revenge tale to be: fierce, fast, funny, and deliciously foregone. You'll know on page one that this story isn't going to go well for anybody involved, but read that page and see if you can look away. I couldn't. It's all in the voice, and Eric Beetner's got a live one. I look forward to hearing more of it." -- Sean Doolittle, author of The Cleanup and Safer

Genres: Crime, Novella

121 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

BIO:
Eric Beetner has been hailed as “the new maestro of noir,” by Ken Bruen and “The 21st Century’s answer to Jim Thompson” by LitReactor.
He has written more than 2 dozen novels and his short stories has been featured in over 30 anthologies and along the way he’s been nominated for an ITW award, a Shamus, Derringer and three Anthony awards. He’s won none of them.
Novels include There and Back, All The Way Down, Two In The Head, Rumrunners, The Devil Doesn't Want Me and many more.
For more visit ericbeetner.com

Reviews

[Richard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goddammit. I'd hoped to get this over with in one bullet. At this rate, I'd empty the clip before morning.

When gangster and bank robber Val gets arrested after a perfectly executed heist, he finds out the hard way that you can't trust anyone these days! He discovers that he's been ratted out by the one person who he expects to be trustworthy: Ernesto, his prison-bitch when he was inside; the one he has started to catch a few feelings for. Val escapes from police custody and stalks the city on a manhunt to track down the snitching bastard and get his vengeance.

Starting off strong with a great title that's both deceivingly simple and completely illustrative, this revenge story stays strong to the end. The book is fast-paced, violent, and many times laugh-out-loud funny. Author Eric Beetner maintains a great balance between the dark noir tones and the humor and creates an engaging voice in the narrator Val, a man who seems to be desperate to maintain his reputation for having a cool and collected demeanor throughout the whole thing but whose composure starts to strain as the odds and betrayals stack against him. This is the first book I've read by rising pulp noir star Beetner and I quickly scooped up some of his other awesomely-titled work to check out soon!

[Karl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first ran across Eric Beetner's name on a list of nominees for best short story (Best Long Story (4,001-8,000 words) for "The Short Mystery Fiction Society (SMFS)" for the 2017 Derringer Awards category, as an editor.

The other nominees were"

“Swan Song,” by Hilary Davidson (from Unloaded: Crime Writers Writing Without Guns, edited by Eric Beetner; Down & Out)
“Effect on Men,” by O’Neil De Noux, (The Strand Magazine, February-May 2016)
“The Cumberland Package,” by Robert Mangeot (AHMM, May 2016)
“Murder Under the Baobab,” by Meg Opperman (EQMM,
November 2016)
“Breadcrumbs,” by Victoria Weisfeld (Betty Fedora, Issue Three, September 2016)

And as an author:

Best Short Story:
“The Business of Death,” by Eric Beetner (from Unloaded: Crime Writers Writing Without Guns, edited by Eric Beetner; Down & Out)

The others being:

“The Business of Death,” by Eric Beetner (from Unloaded: Crime Writers Writing Without Guns, edited by Eric Beetner; Down & Out)
“The Peter Rabbit Killers,” by Laura Benedict (Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine [EQMM], July 2016)
“The Man from Away,” by Brendan DuBois (EQMM, July 2016)
“Big Momma,” by Joyce Carol Oates (EQMM, March/April 2016)
“Parallel Play,” by Art Taylor (from Chesapeake Crimes: Storm Warning, edited by Donna Andrews, Barb Goffman, and Marcia Talley; Wildside Press)

A quick search on his name informed me of the large number of books he has had published. So I picked some at random. The first of his books that showed up and that I have read is titled "Dig Two Graves", a catchy title that had lots of possibilities.

The story is about a low level criminal, now a con, named Val. As he is not the brightest bulb in the marque, yet his goal is to become and expert criminal due to his great planing abilities (ha, ha) and his superior intelligence (ha,ha,ha).

Due to a "Fugitive" chance to escape incarceration his first act of freedom is to shoot a cop and then shoot his lovely exotic wife Sima (who he married on the rebound). However his real problem is he has fallen for his prison "Buddy" Ernesto, the man who taught him about love and sex prison style.

Val begins his voyage for revenge as he figures out that Ernesto has turned on him and is the rat who sold him out. Death, mayhem, a number of dark laughs and countless additional murders pile up as Val searches for Ernesto.

While it may not sound like it this book is funny. it's laugh out loud in places. If a dose of homo-eroticism doesn't put you off or buckets-o-blood, then chances are this novella will be enjoyed.

[Liam · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5*

[Scott Cumming · Rating 4 out of 5]

A friend of mine once sent me a message amused that for every Philip Kerr book my Dad reviewed he would start it by positing he was a big fan of the Bernie Gunther series. This same friend will probably flag my Eric Beetner reviews at some point as I'll always feel obliged to mention that I'm a huge of fan of Writer Types, the podcast that Beetner co-hosts with S.W. Lauden. As an aside, following my listening to Frank Zafiro's Wrong Time, Write Crime interview with Beetner, I am kind of in awe of the guy as he manages to write great crime books on top of his day job as a TV editor as well as designing book covers for many of his contemporaries and co-hosting and editing the aforementioned podcast.

With that out the way, this novella tells the story of Val, a bank robber, who has spent his fair share of time behind bars and during his latest incarceration has gotten into some jailhouse love with his cellmate, Ernesto. The book opens with Val being arrested and the arresting officer is all too happy to let him know that Ernesto sold him out. This set in motion Val's need for revenge against his former lover.

Beetner doesn't re-invent the wheel with this revenge story, but he adds on some shiny alloys and other cool wheel parts I don't know the name of to make this one a riveting, fun read. What I mean by the above is that he takes us to locales that you wouldn't expect in your revenge novels and holds back characters and back stories until just the right time. The withholding of things allows for the book to never get too monotonous as we follow Val round the city in his search for Ernesto.

Beetner is a great voice in the modern crime fiction games with classic sensibilities coupled with an often zany imagination. I look follow to delving further into his already voluminous oeuvre.

[Georg · Rating 4 out of 5]

SPOILER

i wanted to give 5 stars but didnt like the ending,
when all the major players are conveniently set up in a room,
before everything erupts in a dramatic showdown.
but thats just my taste and i recommend this book highly ( for all the showdown lovers out there )

[AC · Rating 1 out of 5]

Immature, shtick. I probably shouldn't rate books I give up on so quickly but 'WTF', as Beetner would bad-assed say...

[Beau Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dig Two Graves was the first book by Eric Beetner that I read. Going in I thought I was prepared, having read a few of his shorts. I was not, however. Not for how great a time I had nor the subject matter which, if I'm truthful, I never thought I'd enjoy as much as I did. It will not be for everyone, but still, subject matter or not, Eric makes it work. It is dark, dirty, and oh that Ernesto and his skill! Anyway, go forth. Seek out. Purchase and enjoy. The investment is worth your time.

[Nigel Bird · Rating 5 out of 5]

You may have seen ‘One Too Many Blows To The Head’ listed as one of my Top 5 novels of the year. Set in the boxing world, it’s a book that really does pack a punch.
That was co-written with JB Kohl, so I was curious as to how Mr Beetner would fare as a lone wolf.
In my opinion, he managed extremely well.
Dig Two Graves is essentially a story about revenge.
Val has come out of prison a confused man. It’s about the same way he went in.
Inside, he discovered the joys of Ernesto’s mouth as an antidote to sexual tension. Thing is, he has feelings for the man, not that he’s prepared to admit them. It means that he gets stuck somewhere between his wife and his male lover.
It’s a situation he’d most likely have stuck with until his arrest for a bank robbery.
Because he’s become such a careful planner (‘Planning. A good bank hit takes planning and, even more than that, humility. All the big names – Jesse James, Bonnie and Clyde, Dillinger – they all had the same M.O.: go in big, scare the s**t out of them, take as much as you can carry. What else did they all have in common? Died in a hail of bullets.’) that he knows there’s only one way he could have been pinned for the job – his partner in crime (Ernesto) has ratted him out.
Val is taken in handcuffs across town by a silent cop. When they arrive, Val and they’re met by Val’s wife who’s waving a gun. She’s not too happy to have heard about her husband’s extra-marital activities and takes a shot at them. Blows a hole in the cop. Takes another shot and misses them both.
Thankfully, she calms down at that point and decides to help Val to escape. Maybe she shouldn’t have bothered.
From here on in, this becomes a quest for revenge. Val’s targets are Ernesto and the big cheese in the local crime fraternity who happens to have it in for Val for having an affair with his wife many years earlier.
We follow Val through church meetings, gay bars and slums as he keeps his nose to the ground in his quest for blood.
There are a number of times when his rational self considers leaving town and finding safety. At least that way he’d get to stay free.
Instead, his hot-headed-self wins out (‘Everything from here on in counted as borrowed time anyway. Might as well make it count’).
Truth is Val is happiest when the adrenaline is pumping and he’s in the thick of violent or dangerous situations. As we get to know about him, we realise his past hasn’t been so much chequered as all black squares.
The plot moves with energy and tension from one scene to the next and the excitement Mr Beetner stirred in me was palpable.
His characters are written beautifully from Val’s perspective and the settings had everything I need.
Best of all, though, is the voice of the book. It has the hard-boiled edge of another age. The sarcasm is heavy, the wit sharp as shark teeth and the humour laugh-out-loud.
One of the effects Mr Beetner’s style has is to throw my sense of time and place. That may seem like an uncomfortable place for a reader to occupy, but I love the way it happens. I found myself transported to a world of the black and white noir movie, all mist, darkness, caricatures, hats and long coats until I’d be shaken from the moment by a Tweet, the mention of a song or a tongue-piercing. It’s something I fully enjoyed, a juxtaposition of two eras that works extremely well and with great originality. Takes me back to when certain things just didn’t happen even within my lifetime. How things change.
One thing that hasn’t changed is my respect for Eric Beetner as a writer. Next on my card is the sequel to ‘One Too Many Blows…’ – ‘Borrowed Trouble’. I know already, I’m really going to dig it.

[Edward · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dig Two Graves is a fast, furious and funny revenge thriller. Beetner writes a precision cut narrative where every action has an immediate and violent reaction.

Val can't catch a break after his wife is killed and he escapes police custody. On his way to getting revenge on the snitch who got him arrested in the first place, he runs into obstacle after obstacle between gun dealers, old friends and low-life's alike.

Ernie, his prison lover, sets him up after a bank heist they planned together goes south. As Val sets out on his quest for revenge he discovers an old grudge from the local mob boss has resurfaced. Now Val has to dodge every scumbag looking for the reward out on his head while still searching for his gay lover.

The novella is full of action and betrayal and plenty of bullets. As much as any Hollywood movie you would want. All killer and no filler Beetner doesn't waste words and keeps the story moving at a fast clip with plenty of wry humor. I definently recommend this for fans of noir novels and action movies.

[Ed [Redacted] · Rating 4 out of 5]

A frenetic, fast paced and pretty satisfying book. The putative "protagonist" Val has recently been released from prison. He decides to become a planner, planning out his robberies meticulously. He runs into a bit of a snag when his lover betrays him to the police. After an unlikely escape from custody, he is now bent on revenge. He finds that rather than being a planner, he is most effective as something of a walking id, moving through the plot like a force of nature, and destroying everything in his path. An enjoyable, if too short, read. A great story and a fine example of neo-noir that has me searching for more stories from Beetner's sick, sick mind.

[Frances · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I do like the grittier books by new, young, male writers, this one my have been just a bit off my preferences. The body count is pretty staggering by the end but I did enjoy the wry, fatalistic ending. The characters are all mean and talking.
The author also writes a series of boxing-themed noir books that I passed on because I just cannot get into boxing in any media.
I think this book and the author are very much into the guy/noir genre and I finally have to admit to my age and reservations.

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

A staple of crime fiction has always been the man-on-the-run stories, often with both the law and the hoods after him. Yeah, this is one of those stories but it's been twisted and battered and plays out at breakneck speed. Throw in a gay prison lover, a Persian wife with an attitude, a price on his head, half the underworld on the prowl for him, and you've achieved a Hardboiled crime novella on steroids. This thing is carefully crafted and is not for the squeamish. It is dirty, violent, bloody, and will take you outside your comfort zone.

[Lawrence Maddox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Payback is a bitch, especially if said bitch is Val's former prison boyfriend who has ratted Val out to the police after a string of bank robberies. Dig Two Graves is a tense, well-crafted, violent tale of revenge that is diabolically designed to not leave your hands until you've read it start-to finish.

[Gary L. Carter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eric Beetner is a true master of Noir

Eric Beetner’s fast, violent and humorous tale of vengeance is a masterpiece of noir as you follow Val who was set-up by his prison lover for reasons he doesn’t understand but who is driven by vengeance by the betrayal. As he sets out to even the score events spiral out of his control as he goes further and further on his quest.

[David Flinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dig Two Graves is one of those stories that once you read the first page you have to see it all the way through to the end. The sexual identity that the lead wrestled with throughout was beyond hilarious and blended quite well with the violence which exposed the lead as a real life character (rather than those boring as fuck types that are borderline assassins that can't seem to be killed during the eye-rolling Hollywood action sequences).

Absolutely loved this novel and plan to read all of Eric's other stories.

[Elizabeth A. · Rating 4 out of 5]

OK, first things first. Though the title of Eric Beetner’s novella comes from that old proverb about digging two graves before starting on a journey of revenge, it is a bit misleading… a hell of a lot more than two graves are gonna be needed by the time all’s said and done in this story of a man determined to extract his pound of flesh from the one who betrayed him.

After serving three years for a gas station hold-up gone wrong, Val gets out of prison with two revelations. First, the key to successful crime is massive planning and not biting off more than you can chew. Second, well, he kinda fell in love while he was inside. With a guy. So much so that when his new jailhouse friend, Ernesto, is released shortly after Val they pick up with their relationship. Val’s not sure whether that makes him queer, but he’s damn sure he doesn’t want his wife to find out about it.

Turns out his wife finding out he’s cheating on her with another man is the least of Val’s worries. No, more pressing are the cops at his door, the ones who couldn’t possibly be there unless someone ratted out Val’s new bank robbing scheme – one that had been working out quite successfully, thank you very much – to the cops. Problem is, the only other person who knows about the operation is Ernesto. And so, fueled both by the heaviness of a broken heart and the fury of betrayal, Val heads out to find Ernesto and settle the score in what unfolds as a frenetic night of escalating violence and dwindling options.

The novella format is absolutely custom fit for Val’s tale, as it’s long enough to give Val time to have meaningful character development and reflection on his motivations and actions, but short enough to allow the story to rocket along at a blistering pace over the course of one very intense night. Author Eric Beetner ratchets the tension to levels that are virtually palpable, but also knows just when to give both Val and the reader a little break, doing so with perfectly placed doses of sarcasm and pitch-black humor. Indeed, as brought to life by the skilled hand of Beetner, Val ends up being an incredibly engaging and surprisingly sympathetic figure considering he’s basically a cheating husband, ex-con, current fugitive, and increasingly irrational man bent on violent revenge. And while revenge may be a dish best served cold, Dig Two Graves is smoking hot.

[Michelle Isler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dig Two Graves is a story about revenge. Val has just been released from prison and he is back home doing what he does best. That would be planning, as in planning bank robberies. He has it down to an art form. In fact, he has planned out enough bank robberies to retire on the money he steals. All seems well until the police come knocking on his door. It seems as if Val's lover/ prison mate, Ernesto, has made a deal with the cops and ratted out Val.

There is no time for a broken heart in this novella. After Val deals with his nagging wife, Sima, he sets out to get his revenge on the man he considered his friend/ lover. Val is a little confused about his relationship with Ernesto. He knows it is acceptable in prison, but should he still have feelings for a guy that sold him out the first chance he got. While Val goes about town seeking help from reliable sources on his hunt for Ernesto, he finds out his brother-in-law has placed a price on his head and some of his most treasured body parts. Now the race is on to get to Ernesto before someone tries to collect on that bounty.

This is my first Eric Beetner book. I look forward to reading everything written by this guy. His story was well written, neat, and hilarious. The dry humor had me laughing out loud in public. The story is well executed and ends up making you lean back and smile.

[Ian Ayris · Rating 5 out of 5]

DIG TWO GRAVES is fundamentally a first person confessional narrative telling the tale of Val and his quest for revenge. The target of Val's revenge is Ernesto, his prison lover, who Val learns has not only snitched on him but also nicked all his plans for the plethora of bank jobs that was going to set him up for the rest of his life.

Val is not a happy bunny. Not a happy bunny at all. Various side characters become entangled in Val's blind fury to get to the elusive Ernesto, not least his wife and her sister - thewoman he truly loves. Hoodlums, wonderfullly drawn, are slaughtered brilliantly, written so well I defy any grown man not to wince at a couple of the takedowns.

And the magnificent Tarrantinoesque finale wil leave you grinning and wincing in equal measure. Where else would Ernesto be, eh :)

DIG TWO GRAVES, ladies and gentleman is an absolute cracker. Beetner's belting, whip-cracking prose putting me in mind of George V. Higgins at his very best. A must read for any crime/noir fan.

And any writers out there who want to learn how to write a novella, just read DIG TWO GRAVES.

That's all you have to do.

[Rob Kitchin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dig Two Graves is a dark, action-packed tale of revenge thickly laced with gallows humour that rattles along a quick clip. As a novella, it’s a short, quick read, yet there’s a lot packed into the story as it twists and turns to its bloody conclusion. The premise has a great hook - a hardened, slightly homophobic criminal has unwittingly fallen for his former cellmate, now criminal partner, who has sold him out. He keeps telling himself it was just sex, but his heart is telling him otherwise. Given the betrayal, he’s not simply seeking retribution but the revenge of a lover scorned. And his need to carefully plan has been cast aside in favour of reacting instinctively. The characterisation and plotting is spot on and Beetner writes in tight prose with an engaging voice that is all show and no tell. The story could have easily been spun out into a full novel, as with similar types of tales such as The Ice Harvest by Scott Phillips or Small Crimes by Dave Zeltserman, but nevertheless works very well as novella. Overall, a humorous, gritty slice of noir.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the title, Dig Two Graves, would imply, this novella is a tale of revenge. It concerns Val, who is an ex-con. As the story begins Val is busted by the police. He was ratted out by his prison lover, a Latino named Ernesto. From page one, the story bolts out of the starting gates and the pace doesn't let up. Val escapes from custody and seeks vengeance.

One of the most enjoyable aspects of this story is it serves up crime genre cliché after cliché - or at least it sets up each set piece that way - but as the story plays out, each of these sequences is turned on their head. Just when you think you know where the story is going, and you have read it all before, author, Eric Beetner drags the story kicking and screaming in a completely opposite direction.

However I should point out this book is not for everyone. The humour is very black, and the story is riddled with violence and sex. But I found it to be a breath of fresh air in a genre where so many stories read the same.

[Pat Bevins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked Eric Beetner's "Dig Two Graves" on a whim from Book People in Austin, TX. I really did not know what to expect, but it was suggested among some other good, gritty, noirs, so I gave it a shot. I was pleasantly surprised. I don't typically enjoy the "one crazy night" noirs as much as I do more drawn out character studies. But this book was fun, and successfully accomplished what it set out to do. It's certainly R-rated, and isn't apologetic about being so, but that worked well for me. The plot was furiously paced but never became over-the-top or completely outlandish. The ending was a perfect fit. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and am quite glad I took a chance on it. You could practically read it in a sitting, I read it in two. Read this if you enjoyed Jean-Patrick Manchette's The Mad and the Bad or the Jason Statham movie "Crank", and I'm not being facetious with that recommendation.

[ABC Group · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever thought about having a dude suck your cock? Are you game for a hard boiled revenge narrative? Well, Eric Beetner delivers a story that will make you contemplate the former and certainly appease the latter.

Dig Two Graves is a special book. If Duane Swierczynski were to bone Frank Bill and their bastard child was Victor Gischler-Beetner, you'd have a great sense of what you're getting into with this narrative.

Beetner's prose is terse, ultra violent and fueled by love and hate. In a world of crime fiction laden with aging tropes, Beetner's version of a love story is like finding a pop tune on Trout Mask Replica.

Grab a helmet, a gun and a condom...and pray to Christ that Val does not get a hold of you.

[Sabrina Ogden · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's hard not to like the main character, Val. Especially after he tells you about his time in prison. In Dig Two Graves by Eric Beetner, Val is an ex-con seeking justice when the bank robbery he's perfectly planned goes south. Unable to walk away, Vals quest for revenge, his hot temper, and his outright stubbornness has him living on borrowed time. Honestly, with all that Val learned in prison, I'm surprised he didn't start a BJ101 course for those of us wanting to perfect the art. Hey, it's never too late to learn, right? Plenty of wrong choices abound in this novella... making it perfectly entertaining.

[Rory Costello · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eric Beetner came up with some kind of premise here, and he wound up the mainspring extra-tight. So when it lets go...pow! It took me less than two hours to read this, and this is how much it wrapped me up. I had my nose in the Kindle, 92% through the story, and clean forgot that I had a bag of groceries with me on the subway platform. When I got to my home stop, I realized and had to go back. Fortunately, the goods were still there...and I've since had the pleasure of reading more of his work, with one unread still in the pipeline. "Criminal Economics" is not yet in the Goodreads system

[Benoit Lelièvre · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good lord, where the hell is that guy coming from? I didn't expect much judging from the cover and the title, but was I ever wrong? this is some of the most twisted, wrong and funny stories I have read in a while. It had some cliché moments, but they were contained into single chapters. If you like Scott Phillips, Matthew McBride and Jim Thompson, you will LOVE Beetner. I'm already craving for more.

[Mike Monson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I could give it six stars.
What a perfect crime novella. Fascinating and exciting from start to finish. The author starts off with action and movement and it never stops. I was never bored, never confused -- just fascinated by where the story was going.
I can see how this was written before The Devil Doesn't Want Me (I guessI could be wrong about that) because every thing he does well here he does even better in the more recent and longer book.

[Travis Richardson · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do you like your protagonists? If you don't mind them being obsidian black, this revenge tale is for you. Val has been doublecrossed and nobody (police, gangsters, wife, paperboy) will stop him from catching Ernesto, the traitorous prison lover. Beetner's chapters fly with non-stop action and surprises throughout to the point that when a simple transaction takes place without a murder, it is just as shocking as all the rest of the chaos that has happened. A bonafide fun, crazy read.

[G8tes · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fast paced, intense, dark tale of betrayal and revenge. Really enjoyed it.

[Brandon Nagel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ultimate revenge story. One of the best I have ever read. Not going to say anything else. Super violent, fast paced, and as noir as it gets. Read it now!

[Max · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great piece of hard-boiled crime fiction from Eric Beetner, whose work is always compelling and fast-moving. Quirky, violent, darkly funny and a terrific read!