Freeing Yourself from Anxiety: The 4-Step Plan to Overcome Worry and Create the Life You Want

by Tamar E. Chansky

Is worry wearing you out? Whether it's losing sleep over a deadline, fretting about a relationship, or constantly thinking about what you "should have" done or said, anxiety makes life feel like a race from one overwhelming situation to the next.

Freeing Yourself from Anxiety  reveals the real secret to reducing not positive thinking, but possible thinking. In this breakthrough guide, Dr. Tamar Chansky shows you dozens of simple yet powerful strategies you can use at any time to transform your anxious thoughts, conquer perfectionism and procrastination, and improve the way your brain reacts to stress, even without medication.

For anyone suffering with an anxiety disorder or depression, or who simply wants to handle everyday challenges more optimally and successfully, Dr. Chansky's innovative program will help you breathe easier. Get ready to feel calm, confident, more like yourself again—and free to create the life you want.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Audiobook, Mental Health, Health, Personal Growth

335 pages, Paperback

First published January 31, 2012

About the author

AKA Tamar Ellsas Chansky

Reviews

[Lynda Hunter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have suffered from severe anxiety with OCD tendencies all my life and have read endless books on the subject to try and help myself. This is the best one I have ever read. The book clearly set outs stages which are workable and try-able and I am currently trying hard.

Perhaps the best idea of all and the one that springs to mind for me now when I start to panic is the idea of the "possible" outcome for your fear, rather than the absolute worst you start thinking of.

I found this simple idea quite powerful inasmuch as if you are a worrier you will know that the last thing you can do is "not worry". People without this miserable affliction think that this simple bit of advice is really easy to follow but for the person with an anxiety disorder, this is not just difficult, it is nigh on impossible. So to start trying to have a bit of faith in the "middle road" the "possible outcome" is like trying to help your overactive imagination in "tiny steps" rather than hugely impossible leaps.

There is so much I liked and responded to in this book but one particularly effective thing was the use of simple diagrams rather than word heavy passages to help bring a particular strategy to mind. For example shaking the "SOME" salt cellar onto your problem where we see the salt cellar clearly labelled SOME shaking out "some" thought rather than "all" or "none" thoughts. Again .... the middle road, not such a big leap to try and incorporate into your life.

My one regret is that I bought this book on my Kindle. It is the sort of book you need in a hard copy so you can easily flick backwards and forwards to find the parts you want to read again. I was swayed by the difference in price on Amazon of £11 to £7 but if you buy this excellent book, I would recommend you spend the extra few pounds.

[Justin Tapp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Freeing Yourself from Anxiety: Four Simple Steps to Overcome Worry and Create the Life You Want by Tamar E. Chansky, PhD-
The title overpromises a bit, but often the title is not the choice of the author. I downloaded this from the library after enjoying Amir Levine's book Attached and having recently read Habits of a Happy Brain by Loretta Breuning, as well as other works tangential to the topic. I do not chronically suffer from panic/anxiety attacks, I am not a chronic worrier, and I have no diagnosed condition, but I often tend towards an anxious attachment style in relationships and have found my amygdala "hijacked" as the author discusses. I recommend reading a book like Habits of a Happy Brain first in order to understand the chemicals at play in the brain. Chansky is writing about the real-life playing out of those chemical reactions, without mentioning much about chemicals. She does write a lot about the amygdala, which is basically the villain of the book. She has a greater focus on actual habits than Breuning does. Since she is a therapist, parent, and has other roles in life which enhance her perspective I am interested in her other works.

Everyone has a "what if...?" worry story. What if he didn't call because something bad happened? What if she doesn't call because she is angry at me? etc. Everyone has gone through a rejection by either a company or a loved one. Everyone has experienced loss in some way. Memories conjure anxiety, regret, and sadness of different levels in different people.

The four steps, basically, when dealing with a situation that makes you anxious (along with some sub-points I jotted down):
1. Pause and consider the voice.(aka: relabeling)
- Separate facts from feelings.
- Odds are very slim that your boss/partner/friend are out to hurt you or conspiring against you.
- Don't confuse "wants" and preferences with actual needs.
- Make your expectations about things you can control.
2. Get specifics and perspective.
- Write down worst-case scenarios and evaluate the likelihood.
- Ask why you're afraid of these scenarios.
3. Look at it from another vantage or get a second opinion.
- But "be the keeper of your own worth."
- Write down your strengths and know what they are. Take confidence in them.
- Losses are difficult but can result in gains.
4. Release yourself from that stuck place. (ie: take action)
- Breathing techniques are shown to help.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy is clinically proven to help anxiety.
- People who keep gratefulness journals or do daily practices of gratefulness also show more happiness.
- Remember that sadness or depression is like a wave, while it can be overwhelming one day, if you ride it out it will eventually diminish.

There is much more than what I have jotted here. There are additional chapters on dealing with sadness and loss, how to stop procrastinating, and more. Remember that we fail forward-- the author lists several famous authors, athletes, entrepreneurs, and inventors who got their fame and fortune after first suffering rejection and loss. Adversity is blessing in disguise.

I think it's important to remember the hedonic principle-- studies have found that people return to their baseline level of happiness after suffering a loss or experiencing a gain. It's impossible to be permanently happy because of how the chemicals in our brain work.

I recommend the book and give it five stars. If you know someone who suffers badly from anxiety, share it with them. If you're just looking for tips to inrease your own happiness and reduce anxiety in your own life, this will help.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a few books on anxiety, not finding what I needed. This one was it. It gave me some real tools that I am implementing with great success. As soon as I finished it, I restarted the book to help the concepts sink deeper.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chansky offers some very useful ideas for how to deal with anxiety. She highlights these four major steps:

1)Pause and Relabel (or don't trust everything you think). This is about not stopping the anxious thought, but realizing that it doesn't hold power over you, and that it comes from questionable authority. She offers a few suggestions on how to do this: sorting worry into "junk mail", renaming the narrator (I especially liked the tip of hearing the worry in a different voice, like spongebob), separating yourself from the thought (my worry is telling me that...), "throwing back the boot" or ignoring extreme thoughts, and downgrading the worry by scaling it.

2) Get Specific (or narrow down the problem to what really matters). Sometimes our worry leads to a downward spiral or a worry "flash mob" where one bad thought leads to lots of bad thoughts. The steps for fighting that are: taking the "what ifs" to "what is," fighting all or none thinking, turning negative statements into questions, thinking of the absolute worst thing that could happen to the point of ridiculousness, not jumping from worry to worry, not thinking in absolutes "never or always," thinking in isolated events "it was a bad day," and doing a red pen edit with your thoughts. She also advocates fitting your problems into the smallest box possible.

3)Optimize (broaden your choices and rethink what's possible). This is something I didn't think of before. Sometimes we narrow down our choices to one unreachable option, and we need to broaden our thinking. Or we see the situation through our fears. Steps for solving this are: instead of thinking something is impossible ask questions and go on a fact finding mission, consult a "possibility panel" of people in your mind, walk through a new door to the room of compassion, use absurdity again, fast forward to the end of the story, switch views of the situation from all wrong to all right, switch shoes with other people, and switch views from what if to if then.

4) Mobilize (don't just stand there, do something). This step advocates moving forward on our situation and not getting stuck or overwhelmed. Strategies for that are: Walking away from the situation for a while, starting on the problem with small acts, figuring out what's ours to control, skipping the parts we don't like and finding the moving part, cheating motivation by just doing something, mapping out steps to the bigger goal, brainstorming possibilities, asking others for help, and mentally rehearsing the situation.

Chansky also offers specific advice for each anxiety disorder, and gives additional tools for overcoming anxiety including accepting negative feelings, rounding up your strengths, managing your expectations, and cultivating compassion and gratitude. She also has a chapter on perfectionism which I found useful.

It took me a while to get through though because everything is so detailed and...not very compelling. But maybe I'm just not a self help kind of reader. Even so, it was recommended to me by my doctor and had a lot of good advice.

[Kelly Lynn Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

I "read" the audio book. I usually steer clear of self-help books, but I have been suffering from chronic migraines for four years now, and reducing stress is one way to control the pain. This book offers a ton of strategies for handling anxiety when it happens, as well as strategies to train your body and mind to react differently to anxiety-causing events. It also delves into strategies for dealing with other tough emotions like shame, jealousy, and even procrastination.

I'd suggesting reading a print or ebook version rather than listening to the audio book, though, because there are so many strategies (which is a plus--not all of them appealed to me so I was glad for a variety), and if you want to refer back (which I did), it's difficult with an audio book.

The title is perhaps a little misleading. The book does present a four step plan to overcome worry, etc., but that is only a small part of the book. The chapters on shame, jealousy, etc., surprised me, as they weren't discussed at all in the introduction (that I can remember), while the 4 steps were discussed in detail, and yet take up only 4 of the book's dozen or so chapters. The organization also felt a little strange to me. There were two semi-introductory chapters, one of which gave strategies for dealing with anxiety, and one of which explained the physical and chemical processes behind stress and anxiety. And then we get the four steps, and then a chapter on various anxiety disorders (this seems like something that should have come first, perhaps), and then all this "bonus material". The extra information is incredibly useful and I'm glad it was included, but a better subtitle and better organization would have helped me prepare to read and absorb the book's information.

I also thought more time could have been spent repeating the four steps throughout the book, but this could be because I was listening and not reading, and so couldn't refer back.

[Lilia Popova · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book soo much, i felt like it was written for me honestly 😁 It has everything to make you think but also feel good, it doesn’t have too much advice that would make you feel bored or too many stories shared as examples (that would make you want to drop the book or overwhelm you in a bad way). It’s just right! ❤️

[Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting! This gives lots of tools to use in everyday life to help manage anxiety, which is nice I feel like a lot of self help books just go on about “thinking positive” and whatnot. Now let’s see if I’m able to implement them 🫡

[Jehnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was recommended to me to help my youngest who has dealt with anxiety his whole life. I wouldn't give it to him to read yet - it is geared to a more college/post-college adult - it gave me some good ideas and foundations of vocabulary I can use to help him understand his feelings and actions.

[Ponetium HalfTree · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book itself is not BAD if you have a regular and normal life, and you are a normal person. It also includes some tools which can be actually useful. It can be a nice intro, but as itself, it as not a great book.
It talks about Anxiety disorders only in the middle, and the last part is more a guide of how to live and less as a help with anxiety.
If you have PTSD, CPTSD, Panic attacks, GAD, or any other anxiety disorder or depression - this book probably won't help you, and even might make things worse. It is not bad if you are deep in therapy, and looking for extra tools, but beware of the condescending and ableist language.
I didn't enjoy the listening to the audiobook, though the voice actress did a good job. The book is just not very good. I barely finished it, and not because it was hard since it provoked emotional reaction or I needed to let things sink in, but because it is somewhat boring.

Also, there is not enough talk about being anxious and afraid of something that has quite high chance to happen and is dangerous - because yes, some people live like that.

[LemontreeLime · Rating 4 out of 5]

Of the many how-to self-helps on anxiety on the market right now, this one is one of the better. Instead of feeling helpless when the author says '..yeah you shouldn't feel like that... um, figure it out how to fix it yerself...' this book has more optimism and more user friendly ideas on what to do next.

Reread this in Feb 2015 on a whim after a conversation about anxiety. IMHO, this is still one of the better books on the market on the subject.

[Erin Morrison · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to read this book to get a better handle on my anxiety and maybe, like the title says, free myself from anxiety. Today being a teen with anxiety is nothing unusual, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing I can do about the tightness I get in my throat when I take test or how worried I get about homework. I chose this book because according to the author’s website, tamarchansky.com, Tamar Chansky is one of the nation’s leading experts on anxiety disorders. If the author wrote this book to help a little bit with anxiety, I would say she accomplished that, but if her goal was to really free you from anxiety, this isn’t it.
The first half of the book is introducing you to how anxiety works and giving you the promised four steps to overcome anxiety. After that, you might expect the book to finish up, but there’s still a whole second half to the book full of extra content talking about subjects like procrastination and jealousy—not anxiety. I didn’t like reading all she had to say about anxiety and then still having a whole other half of the book to read.
I also didn’t like how there is only one chapter on actual anxiety disorders. This book is for a niche audience with a specific type of anxiety. This book seems to be written for working parents experiencing worry—different from anxiety—for the first time ever, and they don’t know how to handle it. All of the examples make it clear that this book is for adults and not teens with some sort of problem like, “In the midst of a heated divorce, Peter and Nan were locked in raw, painful conflict with each other.” (221)
What I did like about this book were the exercise sprinkled throughout it. There’s breathing exercises, exercises about giving your anxiety its own name so you can address it and one of my favorites where you take a calendar and actually schedule times for you to worry about specific subjects. “If you need to, make an appointment with yourself for a future date when it would make sense to start thinking about an issue.” (25) This really helps me to stop overthinking about things during the day because I know I’ve made time to think about it later, and sometimes when it is later I don’t care about what I was thinking about earlier.
This book isn’t for everyone. With some people I imagine it really would free them from anxiety, but not everyone and not me. I do think that everyone, no matter the size of their anxiety, would be able to find some sort of helpful exercise within this book. I’m giving this book 3/5 stars because I did learn from the exercises. I am glad that I found something helpful to take away for this book. This book didn’t cure me, but it taught me a little, and that’s worth something.

[Treasure Box Of Books · Rating 5 out of 5]

Is there any way to give this book 10 STARS??

This is the best anxiety self-help book I have ever read. And since I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I have read a ton of them.

This book gives practical, easy advice! I rented this from my library and listened to the audiobook and listened to it twice! Every single time I listened to some of it, I felt so absolutely motivated. Motivated to tackle my anxiety head-on!

A lot of the book covers fears and how to face them. If you've ever read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway then the first half of this book is along those lines. Some of this did not pertain to me, as my anxiety disorder is more the constant worry, guilt, perfectionism, and the impossible need to always be in control of everything. But reading it absolutely still gave me tips and the motivation for other areas of my anxious life.

But here's the best part: This book covers all of that in the entire second half!

In other words, this book is for those who have moderate to extreme levels of anxiety. AND for those of us who have clinical anxiety disorders. It even goes into tips for those with OCD!

Best book. I have since returned the audiobook to my library and have purchased the physical copy to re-read it a third and tenth time. This book will be my reference from now on!

I also can't wait to read this author's other book Freeing Your Child from Anxiety, Revised and Updated Edition: Practical Strategies to Overcome Fears, Worries, and Phobias and Be Prepared for Life--from Toddlers to Teens. If the adult version is this good, then I can't wait to learn all the tips the author has for my highly anxious 4-year-old!

[Megan Chrisler · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is some really good advice in this book that I've already begun incorporating into my own life. It's too early to tell if it works, but since it's based in science and the author's years of clinical practice, I'm pretty confident about it. With that being said, I would say that if you have severe anxiety or depression--really, if you suffer from any kind of intense thought loops--this may work better as a supplement to traditional therapy. Although the author simplifies coping mechanisms into 4 steps, there are a lot of strategies listed under each, so it can seem like a lot of information. Also, you're essentially breaking and reestablishing habits, which is a long and difficult process that may require support. And some of the advice, while it works, may require a lot more than just having someone write about it to you. For example, "If you're constantly upset by someone's actions or lack thereof, accept the person for who they are and what they can do and let go of the person you wish they would be." It does make you a lot happier, but it takes a lot more than just reading a chapter to do it.

I gave it 3 stars because I think it's a competent self help book, but it isn't thrilling or sensational.

[LEnglish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Compelling. I found this book to be quite helpful and insightful. I truly appreciated the various quotes that were mentioned throughout the book, and the references to other books to encourage further study. I also enjoy the concepts that were described and explained throughout the book. I feel that if I actually implement many of the teachings I would truly overcome my battle with anxiety.
-1 because there is a section that discusses using your imagination to have your own mental “panel” discussing experiences in your reality. This concept was against my personal judgement, and honestly if practiced to an extreme it could almost sound delusional. That’s just my opinion! I’m sure some people could use their imaginations to create an imaginary “panel” of commentators utilizing the voices of their favorite celebrities. people, or simply just voices… similar to the children’s cartoon “Inside Out.”

All in all, I did get a lot out of the book, so I created a reference summary of highlights!

Below Are My Notes For Each Chapter:


https://docs.google.com/document/d/1E...

[amanda_coffee_books · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listen to this audio bool was amazed how much this book teaches me ways to handle my anxiety. I would recommend audio book on this one. Learned a lot and taking some of what I learned from this book with me. This book is about handing and dealing with anxiety. A lot of good tips and ways to handle it.

[Caryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

In terms of a self help book on anxiety I think it provides attainable and easy to comprehend strategies for working against anxious thoughts and behaviours. If you know someone who struggles with anxiety or you yourself struggle I would recommend this book.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciated the possitive, practical suggestions in this book. It helped me to explore why I am having anxious thoughts and feelings and gave me ideas on how to handle them when they show up. I am currently working on having neutral thoughts.

[Tina Byram · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book was beneficial for a person who suffers from anxiety. I learned a lot about relabeling. I recommend this book. It will take some practice, but worth the read to understand yourself.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I borrowed this book up just expecting it to be a mindless read before bed, and now I actually want my own copy to look back on. I think Chansky is a great writer and I felt like a lot of the things mentioned were actually really thought provoking and possibly helpful.

[David Franklin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook. I didn’t find it helpful. Mainly because I do not agree with the approach. It is from a therapist’s point of view. I have learned, If you don’t control your thoughts, your thoughts will control you.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a practical, helpful book with lots of great advice. I found it hard to stick with and would put it down for weeks at a time. My favorite part may have been the quotes she selected throughout the book. Overall, I can see this being a helpful tool in shifting one’s relationship to anxiety.

[Dean · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish I had a highlighter and post-its to pin the most useful things to me. Some parts were not useful but otherswere. The advice listed here comes from cognitive behavioural therapy, which is what I think suits me the best.

[Courtney Šakotić · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had tons of helpful information to help with my anxiety. However, I found it very dry. This made it very difficult to keep concentrating on the audiobook. Yes it is helpful but if I wasn’t doing something, such as cleaning, I had a hard time listening to it.

[K Hue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Classic CBT book on treating anxiety and understanding anxiety in all of us.

[Rachel Meyers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very well done and helpful for me!

[Russ · Rating 3 out of 5]

OK, very pop psychology tone, but David’s Burns’s books are much better.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book made me anxious but I guess it did have some good advice

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I need to buy the physical book!

[Elaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great tips on managing anxiety from a clinical psychologist. Gives out a lot of CBT-style advice on how to navigate anxiety-invoking situations.

[Pam Hurd · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cover a broad area of anxiety but not really what I was hoping for. Maybe I'm not as anxious as I thought I was. ;)