Falling for Eli: How I Lost Heart, Then Gained Hope Through the Love of a Singular Horse

by Nancy Shulins

Nancy Shulins had a great career, a loving husband, and was looking forward to having a family. Cheering as her friends got pregnant and dutifully bringing gaily wrapped gifts to every baby shower, she suffered bout after bout of unsuccessful infertility treatment. Devastated, she slowly heals through the most unexpected route: the love of a good (if cranky) horse named Eli.

Everyone knows a woman who loves horses. Maybe she rides whenever she can find the time, maybe she rode as a young girl, or maybe she just devoured the Black Stallion books. Twenty years ago, Nancy Shulins let go of one dream--having a child--and worked toward another one: learning to ride and, eventually, having her own horse. In the process, she learned what it means to love another being so much you can’t imagine life without them.

Falling for Eli is about learning to break a sweat rather than break down, to try your best even if you’ll never be the best; it’s about learning to stand on your own six feet.

 

Genres: Horses, Animals, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Biography Memoir

272 pages, Paperback

First published April 24, 2012

Reviews

[Maggie Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those rare books you don't want to end. Half-way through, I began reading it really s-l-o-w-l-y so it would last longer.

Beautifully written and beautifully told, FALLING FOR ELI grabbed me from the very first page and didn't let go until the last. In fact, it still hasn't let go and I finished reading it three days ago. It's the sort of book that stays with you long after the last page is turned.

Nancy Shulins is a talented journalist who really knows how to paint big pictures with just the right words. She made me cry, she made me laugh; at one point, she reduced me to helpless giggles. And, having just met her, she's as charming and funny in person as she is on the page of her fabulous new book. I can't wait for her to write another one.

[Sarah B · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are a few ways to look at this well written, easy to read book: it is a memoir, it is a no nonsense look at what it's actually like to own a horse for the common person (that is someone who didn't come from a horse owning family but yet has enough money to buy a horse - and it takes a lot more funds than you think once you add in the vet bills) and maybe the most important of all there is the mental health aspect of it. And in many ways I do think that last one is the most important - but it's also what the author struggled with throughout this whole book.

So while reading this there were many times I just wanted to yell or maybe shake this author. Not that it would help her any. But I was reading these problems she had in here and I just found it so frustrating! She was allowing these other people to boss her! And she thought they were doing it to help her learn to ride, to be the "perfect dressage" and all. But all the yelling and shouting at her was having these severe mental health side affects on her AND on her horse Eli. Because whatever you feel gets transferred to the horse. The only thing is the horse may not exactly understand what the cause is (??) but he knows something bad (danger) signal was going on. It was affecting her so bad she was curling up into a round ball (defensive posture) in the saddle. Worse she had TWO trainers with this style. I wish I could tell her about this therapist on youtube who talks about this stuff, as I recently started to watch him. Boy, he really knows this stuff. And people like that - harsh, yelling, telling you constantly you are doing everything wrong - triggers it. But you need to stand up for your mental health. And that is what she did on the end - by moving to a different barn... A peaceful relaxed area. No drama.

The horse world, especially with certain disciplines like dressage or eventing, can be harsh.

But if you ever thought about owning a horse or want to know what it's like to rent a stall in a big stable, then this is the perfect thing to read. The author tells it all. All the unexpected problems that pop up (and you better have lots of extra cash for the vet), weird diseases (including Lyme), the dreaded hoof issues, trying to get to the stables during bad weather (when you are stuck at home during a blizzard and worrying about your horse)... She also is very clear on how owning a horse means you cannot do other things. Better not stay out late with your friends as then you cannot do that early morning ride before work. The two things don't agree. And some of the events in here definitely surprised me, like the flooded stall or the dead horse under a big tarp in the middle of the indoor arena.

But there are tons of good things in here too. How the people at the stables help each other. And how owning Eli truly helped her through very difficult emotional times. Basically Eli became the child she could never have so he filled the gap in her life. And then later she was OK with it. Because horses accept you.

I guess it all comes down to finding the right stable for you. What do you want from riding? I think the author thought maybe dressage was the "proper" way to ride because that is what that first stable she went to was teaching. But I see it as a "fussy, fancy" style of riding, for people who want to compete. The average rider doesn't need to do dressage at all. Many never do it. You certainly don't need it for trail rides.

But this is just the perfect book to learn exactly what it's like to own a horse and all the issues that can pop up. You can go home one night with your horse perfectly fine only to come in the next morning to find him crippled. And yes that happens to her in here. Its a shock.

One tiny part of this book did make me laugh. As sometimes horses do the craziest things, they will spook at the most innocent things possible. And it seems so ridiculous! There are many spook stories in here and I sure loved those. Bushes? Check. Gum wrapper? Check. Some other harmless thing? Check. But that is a horse for you. And whoa behold if they actually see a mini horse!! Super spook! The ranch I go to just got a mini horse and the normal size ones are all scared of him! Spooking galore! Horses can be so unpredictable. And this book sure covers that too!

Its a great read for anyone interested in horses. I like the writing style. The author is very open and explains everything in an easy to understand way. You don't need to know horses to read this either.

And that cover is just adorable!

[Kandy Scaramuzzo · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Horse Is Good For the Soul

I was provided this book for an honest review. I was thrilled to death to get it. I just love horse books and stories, especially true ones. Being a horse owner myself, I can relate to many of the issues and triumphs of owning and keeping horses.
In this book, Nancy shows her issues of not fitting into societal norms for women her age. It shows her struggles and trials to find her place in life. She already had a great husband and a fantastic job, but according to societal conventions, she was missing something to make her life complete. She bought into this for awhile, and struggled to find her place in life that society thought she should have. As she struggles to feel like she belongs, you get to know her and feel her pain. She is brutally honest about all the feelings she has pertaining to this situation.
Bless her husband’s heart; because just when you think she is going to throw in the towel and end up somewhere major depressed or has some kind of break down, he suggests she look into horses. I bet he didn’t have any idea what kind of impact this was gong to have on her when he did it. He was just looking to give her some kind of relief from her suffering. What a great guy!
Now enters Eli. Little did Nancy know that this bundle of trouble would be the one thing to make her feel whole? Eli came with his own baggage and issues. These were the very things that helped Nancy and Eli bond. Working through all of them really helped them get to know each other on a very personal level.
Horses are a huge responsibility and very difficult to take care of on a normal day. Eli came with previous injuries and tendencies towards future injuries. It is hard to imagine, but as big and magnificent as horses are they are prone to many health problems and injuries. Nancy had it right with her little quote “But for a nail…” Even something that small can cause life threatening injuries.
As Nancy and Eli traveled their road to harmony together, Nancy learned many of the serious issues involved in owning a horse. She bravely took them all on and as she gained more confidence took more control of Eli’s actual care.
I love the way Nancy was so honest about her feelings throughout the book. Many people who own horses will not own up to the fears that she did. She also took it on the chin when she was dumped by her own horse and didn’t have any problems expressing her anxious thoughts the next time she went to ride.
Nancy has spun a wonderful tale of self doubt, redemption and unconditional love leading to recovery and self esteem. Of course Eli was a major part of this story without his help, Nancy could not have learned all that she did about owning her own horse. Eli and Nancy were meant to be together and their story was meant to be shared. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone.
I gave this book 5 out of 5 stars.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Falling for Eli is a horsey memoir about how the author worked through her grief over not being able to bear a child by rekindling her childhood love of horses. The author is a talented writer, and obviously very committed to her horse, maybe to the point of obsession. But as she unflinchingly explains her devotion to this animal, who is kept at a series of boarding stables quite a long drive away, she also relates her struggles to learn dressage, the amount of vet bills this horse piles up, and at one point, I just wanted to tell her - gah! turn the horse out in a pasture already, let him run and be free, and then take him for a pleasurable trail ride so you can both clear your head. (But I am letting my own prejudices slip in here, which can easily happen when one horseperson reads another's horse memoir, so I'll stop.) Horse lovers, especially if you can relate to the world of boarding stables and dressage, will most likely enjoy this well-written book.

[Srfotog · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. Couldn't put it down. I attribute that to owning my own off the track Thoroughbred and I was fascinated by how our stories ran parallel to each other. My horse was also crazy as a three-year-old and was as fragile as was Eli. I still have him after twenty years and cried when Nancy lost Eli. I always love books that are written from the heart.

[CindySR · Rating 3 out of 5]

Shulins wanted a baby but could not have a baby so she got a horse instead. I never wanted a baby but I desperately wanted a horse in my teen years. So I could relate somewhat.

She kept Eli the horse in boarding stables and hired trainers to learn dressage. I'm not sure why since she never says she went to any competitions. I have to say, if my horse was my baby I would never keep him in a boarding stable an hour away from me and hire trainers that made me cry and gave my horse anxiety. She could have saved herself a lot of money, time, and heartache by buying a place in the country.

Shulins had some deep seated insecurities. At least she writes well.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very enjoyable read! I’m not a horse person, but something drew me to this memoir, and I’m really glad I read it. The world of horse ownership is complex and expensive. I appreciated the ups and downs of Nancy’s personal journey as well. Her writing allows you to feel like you are in her shoes as she deals with difficult trainers and a personal quest to become a better rider.

[Zena Casteel · Rating 3 out of 5]

An uplifting and very believable book about the joys and struggles of horse ownership and the wonderful ability animals have to comfort the humans who matter to them. Shulins did her research, and various comments on the horse world and equine health are interspersed throughout the book along with just enough general horsiness to keep equine-lovers reading. There is a considerable amount of griping about the author's continued frustrations with her training, yet her frank and often humble tone make it tolerable and her complaints relatable. This book certainly doesn't represent all horse owners--Shulins is wealthy enough to not have to clean her own horse's stall--but her dedication to her soulful and imperfect horse Eli is something most anyone who has cared deeply about an animal will likely admire.

[Ingrid · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book about a middle-aged woman who falls in love with a horse who fills the void of her being unable to have children. Both humorous and moving, it chronicles her journey of bonding with her horse and learning about horse care and riding. She is a total beginner in the world of dressage and her horse is a chestnut OTTB and this story tells how they learn together with several different trainers and at several different barns. At times triumphant, at times tragic, it's a thoroughly enjoyable read and true to the experience of the millions of middle-class middle-aged women who ride and love horses in America.

[Margaret Kalvar · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a rider and horse owner, I could really relate to all the barn issues as well as the love and bonding that grew between the author and her horse. I was most impressed by the author's veterinary knowledge and the thoroughness with which she learned about all aspects of equine care---her riding was only part of the whole package. The only criticism is that, at times, the book read a bit like a litany of horse ailments/injuries... but of course that only made the bond stronger as the owner and the horse managed to come thru each one. A very satisfying read.

[Gaby Szemes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book really inspirational in terms of working with my own OTTB (off the track thoroughbred). A lot of Nancy's struggles sounded very familiar so I could really relate to her. Horses are such magnificent creatures- they are healers and they make us confront our weaknesses so we can overcome them. Nancy really got me thinking and gave me the boost I needed to keep at it. My only complaint? I want to know what happened next!! I guess it's a story that's still in the making, but I would love an update.

[Alice]

I liked reading this book very much. I owned a hose for many years in my youth and have often, lately, thought of going back to rising. This book was so thoroughly in the equestrian world, I had the chance to spend time in a stable, remember what it felt like to ride well and the pang of realizing how much one grows so close to a horse.
I realized that I cannot go back to that all-onsuming world, but I feel like I have had the chance to spend quality time in it.
A great read.

[Christina Griffiths · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. My life and horse experiences paralleled hers in so many ways - great husband, no kids, and bought a horse later in life. Mine is an adorable Paint horse with too much personality, who taught me many life lessons through adventure, commitment, determination, injuries and illness and lots and lots of love!

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good book. I know the debate is whether or not the writer/rider was extreme/neurotic in her care of eli's many ailments. As a horse owner I might find her extreme but I understand the sentiment and I know many other horse owners who would do the same. Overall a wonderful book and quick read.

[Deborah D. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful blend of human-horse bonding and self-discovery.
The tone of the story was engaging, I felt like I could relate on a number of levels including the struggle to accept criticism\guidance without it crushing my enthusiasm.

And hey - Eli is a horse we get to know fairly well.

[Carissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who has been unfortunate enough to enter the horse world a little bit later than most, I have found this book easy to relate to. It warmed my heart and allowed me to await the far off coming of my own horse with a sense of both relief and longing.

[Poet in the Dark · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really enjoyable read; I liked this book very much. The ending was really nice because the horse is still alive, so the book didn't end with the horse dying. I don't mind animal stories that end that way, but it's nice to have read something that ended differently.

[Suesan · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you ride horses or just love horses this a great fast read. I could really relate to this story. It is an amazing story of love honor and commitment and I am not talking about to another human being, but to this wonderful frustrating always forgiving horse. I loved this book.

[Beverly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nancy Shulins had a great career, a loving husband, and suffered numerous unsuccessful infertility treatments. Devastated, she slowly heals through the most unexpected route: the love of a good (if cranky) horse named Eli. A great story of love, personal salvation and caring.

[Amy Daliege · Rating 5 out of 5]

Falling for Eli is one of my major inspirations for wanting to write myself. It is hard to capture that human-horse connection and Nancy does it beautifully-loving her horse at the highest emotional and spiritual levels.

[Kari · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. It is more about finding yourself through hard times and those that help us.

[Michelle Sandberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book. I always wanted a horse when I was younger and am now living my dream through my daughter having one. I enjoyed all of the author's tales of her bonding an learning with Eli.

[Sheilah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the process the author went through as she made room in her life for Eli. As the owner of a horse that I am just crazy about, I was able to identify with much of the story.

[Susan Shepard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written, heartwarming memoir. I cheered, I cried, I laughed! Truly an enjoyable book.

[Joan54 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and could very much relate to it.

[Pam Akin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never wanted this book to end. A great reflection on picking yourself up by your bootstraps, again and again. Truly inspiring.

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good story about having a horse and her adventures while having the horse. I liked this story.

[Janis]

All my horse friends NEED to read this one!

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

what a wonderful story. it will be one of my favorites for years to come.

[Meg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lovely story of healing and growth.