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Making Marriage Work: New Rules for an Old Institution
As the judge starring on the hit nationally syndicated television show Divorce Court , Lynn Toler witnesses, en masse, the thematic mistakes made in American marriages. She herself has also been wed for 22 years and has seen both the highs and lows of matrimony in her own marriage as well as the marriages of those close to her. While the national divorce rate hovers around the 50% threshold, there is a lot of chatter that marriage as we know it is an outdated institution--that we are too selfish, too unwilling to make sacrifices, and too misguided by elevated expectations of happiness to make marriage work.
While these points may hold some validity, a lot of this chatter is nothing new. So what's causing so many divorces and, perhaps even more importantly, what are we to do about it if we want marriage to survive? Drawing from both her professional career and personal life, Toler sees that the biggest impediment to marriage these days is that couples decide to take the plunge based almost entirely on the most irrational falling in love.
Making Marriage Work doesn't suggest that love has nothing to do with marriage at all; rather, Toler says that love by itself is simply not enough to make marriages survive. This book is a logical and simple guide to reintroducing some of the practicality of marriage that has leaked out of it over the years.
Marriage, Toler says, is a job, and it needs to be treated like one. However, the makeup and consistency of this job has changed so much over the past few decades that the old rules no longer apply. Making Marriage Work is an updated manual to help get the job of marriage done right in this day and age. It suggests specific procedures that should be put in place to bridge the gap between head over heels and happily ever after. It explains how to phrase things in order to span the great hormonal divide men and women often fall into when trying to talk to one another. It also discusses the very new and real challenges to marriage created in a culture often overwhelmed by the emphasis on (and ability to attain) instant gratification.
Replete with simple, no-nonsense rules, Divorce Court anecdotes, and stories about Judge Toler's own union, Making Marriage Work contains invaluable information couples can use today to secure their marital tomorrow.
While these points may hold some validity, a lot of this chatter is nothing new. So what's causing so many divorces and, perhaps even more importantly, what are we to do about it if we want marriage to survive? Drawing from both her professional career and personal life, Toler sees that the biggest impediment to marriage these days is that couples decide to take the plunge based almost entirely on the most irrational falling in love.
Making Marriage Work doesn't suggest that love has nothing to do with marriage at all; rather, Toler says that love by itself is simply not enough to make marriages survive. This book is a logical and simple guide to reintroducing some of the practicality of marriage that has leaked out of it over the years.
Marriage, Toler says, is a job, and it needs to be treated like one. However, the makeup and consistency of this job has changed so much over the past few decades that the old rules no longer apply. Making Marriage Work is an updated manual to help get the job of marriage done right in this day and age. It suggests specific procedures that should be put in place to bridge the gap between head over heels and happily ever after. It explains how to phrase things in order to span the great hormonal divide men and women often fall into when trying to talk to one another. It also discusses the very new and real challenges to marriage created in a culture often overwhelmed by the emphasis on (and ability to attain) instant gratification.
Replete with simple, no-nonsense rules, Divorce Court anecdotes, and stories about Judge Toler's own union, Making Marriage Work contains invaluable information couples can use today to secure their marital tomorrow.
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2012
129 people are currently reading
438 people want to read
About the author
Lynn Toler
6 books70 followersLynn C. Toler is the judge of the television series Divorce Court, replacing Mablean Ephriam in 2006. She previously hosted the court show Power of Attorney. Toler brought tenacity and compassion to the courtroom enforcing nontraditional judgments, such as hand written essays.
Judge Toler is the author of My Mother's Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius, in which she describes how she dealt as a child with her father's erratic behavior due to his bipolar disorder.
She earned an undergraduate degree in English and American Literature from Harvard in 1981 and a Juris Doctor from the University of Pennsylvania Law School in 1984. Toler currently resides in Ohio with her husband of 17 years and two teenage sons.
Judge Toler is the author of My Mother's Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius, in which she describes how she dealt as a child with her father's erratic behavior due to his bipolar disorder.
She earned an undergraduate degree in English and American Literature from Harvard in 1981 and a Juris Doctor from the University of Pennsylvania Law School in 1984. Toler currently resides in Ohio with her husband of 17 years and two teenage sons.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
September 24, 2021
This book is a really good book for couples to read before they get married. However, my husband and I were able to learn quite a bit from it - even after 16 years of marriage. Judge Toler shares some poignant moments from her own marriage, and gives wonderful advice!
December 6, 2021
Great rear.
I love that she’s not acting like she has a perfect marriage. She’s giving advice because she too have hit a hard place in her marriage. I learned to do what’s best for the marriage not just what’s best for me.
I love that she’s not acting like she has a perfect marriage. She’s giving advice because she too have hit a hard place in her marriage. I learned to do what’s best for the marriage not just what’s best for me.
February 4, 2023
This book was awesome. It’s great for married and engaged couples. I love her no nonsense, practical rules and her sense of humor. Even after 20 years with my husband I still found relevance in this book. I highly recommend to others.
March 12, 2024
Practical marriage advice from an Auntie
As a newlywed, I was happy to read such practical advice with realistic scenarios that couples go through. It was like a master class in marriage from an Auntie that has been a successful wife, mother, and professional.
As a newlywed, I was happy to read such practical advice with realistic scenarios that couples go through. It was like a master class in marriage from an Auntie that has been a successful wife, mother, and professional.
March 29, 2024
I loved this book. I thought it was very insightful and practical. I learned to ask some different questions before a relationship ensues and some things to do and say if you are in the midst of a relationship. Good book for singles and married.
February 28, 2020
A MUST read. I'm going to pass this book out like candy to my logical children. All I wished that knew before matrimony 💍
August 11, 2021
Must read
April 6, 2023
I enjoyed reading this. She knows what she's talking about.
March 21, 2025
Enriched & empowered
A very practical advice & insights. My marriage is so much fulfilling since putting into practice what I learned. Using the ideas in our marriage D group.
A very practical advice & insights. My marriage is so much fulfilling since putting into practice what I learned. Using the ideas in our marriage D group.
April 22, 2021
GREAT read! A MUST read for anyone whose even considering marriage! I truly enjoyed every page of this book. Awesome job to Judge Lynn Toler!
January 11, 2015
I am a newlywed with an amazing husband... who thinks - way too much! But in most cases, this is a really good thing. Because he is so concerned that we have the best marriage possible that he has us reading all types of marriage counseling books together. We are talking and getting to know each other on a deeper level and this is a good thing.
So far we've dabbled in a few other books but this by far is THE BEST BOOK for couples who are about to get married, newly married, or even married for many many years. It covers the gambit and it really opens up your mind to catching difficulties in a marriage before they even become issues.
This books helps you reflect within yourself to help you see how maybe you are perceived by the other person and how you can help them deal with you, and vice versa.
I plan to read every book by Lynn Toler that is available. Whether it's related to marriage or not, she is one wise woman and I really enjoyed reading this book and the discussions that have begun with my husband, but also the journey I took in self reflection while reading this book.
So far we've dabbled in a few other books but this by far is THE BEST BOOK for couples who are about to get married, newly married, or even married for many many years. It covers the gambit and it really opens up your mind to catching difficulties in a marriage before they even become issues.
This books helps you reflect within yourself to help you see how maybe you are perceived by the other person and how you can help them deal with you, and vice versa.
I plan to read every book by Lynn Toler that is available. Whether it's related to marriage or not, she is one wise woman and I really enjoyed reading this book and the discussions that have begun with my husband, but also the journey I took in self reflection while reading this book.
June 29, 2016
Recommend by someone pretty good even if I felt the book was a little too gendered but it was a good read and I learned a lot of new things
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews