Politically Correct: The Ultimate Storybook

Politically Correct Bedtime Stories #1-3

by James Finn Garner

Bedtime stories will never again be the same--at least not after reading James Finn Garner, who, in surprisingly true Fairy Godmother fashion, waved his authorial wand and revised a large collection of fairy tales and holiday lore in Politically The Ultimate Storybook.

Genres: Humor, Short Stories, Fantasy, Fiction, Satire, Comedy, Fairy Tales

296 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

James Finn Garner is an American writer and satirist based in Chicago.[1] He is the author of Politically Correct Bedtime Stories,[2] Tea Party Fairy Tales, and Honk Honk, My Darling.

Reviews

[Margitte · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just wanted to add this book to my library, after thinking about it this morning.

I read it several years ago and cannot remember enough to review it. It was a hilarious undertaking though and brought many hours of mirth into a often very busy, stressful existence.

Rapunzel takes matters in to her own hands; Sleeping Beauty is now known as The Sleeping Person of Better Than Average Attractiveness; Rudolph is recognized as A Nasally Empowered Reindeer; Frosty The Snowman becomes Frosty the Persun of Snow

The author introduced the book by saying:

"When they were first written, the stories on which the following tales are based certainly served their purpose-to entrench the patriarchy, to enstrange people from their own natural impulses, to demonize "evil and to "reward" and "objective" "good". However, much as we would like to, we cannot blame the Brother's Grimm for their insensitivity to womyn's issues, minority cultures, and the environment. Likewise, in the self-righteous Copenhagen of Hans Christian Anderson, the alienable rights of mermaids were hardly given a second thought.

Today, we have the opportunity--and the obligation--to rethink these "classic"stories so they reflect more enlightened times. To that effort I submit this humble book. While its original title, Fairy Stories For A Modern World, was abandoned for obvious reasons (kudos to my editor for pointing out my heterosexualist bias), I think the collection stands on its own. This, however, is just a start. Certain stories, such as"The Ugly Duckling That Was Judged on Its Personal Merits and Not on Its Physical Appearance", were deleted for space reasons. I expect I have volumes left in me, and I hope this book sparks the righteous imaginations of other writers and, of course, leaves an indelible mark on our children.

If, through omission or commission, I have inadvertently displayed any sexist, racist, culturalist, nationalist, regionalist, ageist, lookist, ableist, sizeist, speciesist, intellectualist, heteropatriachalist, or other type of bias as yet annamed, I apogize and encourage your suggestions for rectification. In the quest to develop meaningful literature that is totally free from bias and purged from the influence of its flawed cultural past, I doubtless have made some mistakes.

You get the drift? I loved it. For everything it stood for, and just realized that growing old is destiny, but growing up is optional, and all of us in between need our own fairy tales told our own way :-))

Satire. Skip it if you dare not like it. And I'm happy to know I never grew up, thank goodness! It was great to meet our childhood favorites in the adult word. The sales of these books went through the roof after the publication date.

So yes, I don't feel alone at all in memory of this collection of stories. It's for grown-up kids. Rather leave innocent kiddies out of it. :-))

[Jason Sixsmith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hysterical!
These revised versions of classic fairy tales, updated to "appeal" to the post-modern reader do an excellent job of *lambasting feminists, environmentalists, and other hyper-sensitive/easily-offended groups.

*Can I still use the word "lambasting" or do lambs find that offensive now?

Here's an excerpt from Little Red Riding Hood:

'The wolf said, "I am happy with who I am and what I am," and leaped out of bed. He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the wolf's apparent tendency toward crossdressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space.

Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopperperson (or log-fuel technician, as he preferred to be called). When he burst into the cottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his ax, Red Riding Hood and the wolf both stopped.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" asked Red Riding Hood.

The woodchopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words came to him.

"Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your thinking for you!" she exclaimed. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's help!" '

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this book would be hilarious... politically correct fairy tales, how could that not be funny? Again, I was wrong. Apparently, to James Finn Garner, political correctness is something experienced only by left-wing thinkers (far, far left wing), which was kind of insulting to everyone else. Almost every story touted the "rightness" of left-wingers, vegetarians, and global warming activists (please!). If I want to read about all this mumbo-jumbo, I can just pick up any newspaper article anywhere in the world, I don't want it interfering with my fairy tales!

[Jason Pierce · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars rounded up to four. This is a collection of three other books. Links go to my reviews.

I'm assuming these are all satire. Some reviews on here seem to take the stories seriously. I felt Garner was poking fun at PCism by exposing how ridiculous it is, but I've been wrong before. After all, I have met people whose views truly were this whacko, so who knows?

Politically Correct Bedtime Stories: ★★★★✰ (3.5 rounded up)
Once Upon a More Enlightened Time: More Politically Correct Bedtime Stories: ★★★✰✰
Politically Correct Holiday Stories: For an Enlightened Yuletide Season: ★★★★✰

[Sparrow · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up at a used book store, in disbelief that I could find this omnibus for such a good price ($8) after I saw one of the volumes that my friend had. It took awhile to finally pick it up. When I did, it was a fast read that gave me a lot of chuckles. I had forgotten how extremist liberals can be soooo irritating, but it was interesting and informative to delve into the social commentary. I don't think I could make myself read it again, though. One amusing, clever, and irritating lesson was enough.

[Damar dara · Rating 3 out of 5]

[close] Bedtime stories will never again be the same--at least not after reading James Finn Garner, who, in surprisingly true Fairy Godmother fashion, waved his authorial wand and revised a large collection of fairy tales and holiday lore in Politically Correct: The Ultimate Storybook. This volume compiles his three separately published books, Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, Once Upon a More Enlightened Time, and Politically Correct Holiday Stories, examining the many "isms," whether glaringly obvious or more subtle, inherent in traditional favorites.
The tales begin similarly to their Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson predecessors, but veer suddenly to incorporate non-offensive, politically correct language and modern issues that range from overzealous lawyers to rampant real estate development to the destruction of the environment. Garner refashions over two dozen tales including Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella, plucking damsels and the disenfranchised from captive plot lines, increasing their self-awareness, spunk and dialogue ten-fold, then settles them comfortably back into tales where they can live happily ever after as confident, happy, successful entrepreneurs with a social mission.

The disclaimers preceding each of the three sections, as well as the abundant use of politically correct speech throughout the collection, appears at times more of a pointed mockery than a true attempt to enlighten stories locked in medieval thought. The tales do however, offer a witty and clever alternative to spoon-fed tradition. --Mara Shurgot

[Ebster Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was qute funny.
This is a short book, but I find it worth re-reading.
Each story is a dramaticly altered retelling of a fairy tale such as Cinderella, the Piper of Hamleton, Three Little Pigs, and the three Bears: words and phrases are replaced, story arcs are changed, and commentary is added in any place in the story that could possibly offend anyone who is not a white male.

The way in which the stories are told makes the authors view on political correctness and the limits it places on self-expression clear; however, its all in good fun and not meant to be taken too seriously.

[Acid Kritana · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first, I thought it was literally from a feminist/PC (Politically Correct) viewpoint.

Spoiler: (Skip to next paragraph if you don't like spoilers) I mean, a wolf got a heart attack, the 3 pigs danced on his corpse, and then slaughtered the rest of the wolves by using machine guns and rocket launchers. (At least, I think there were machine guns involved - if I remember correctly.)

However, I turned it to the back, and saw "Humor" listed as the genre. Ah, I realized. I no longer had to suffer losing my braincells. It's all a joke.

And I'm glad it is - it's a good one, that fools pretty easy, and makes for some good laughs when you know it's fake.

[Ryan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Prophetic would be an understatement. I'm surprised these books haven't been banned. Reading these tales was a bit like eating candy...too much and I'd get sick. Small doses... Satirical twists on the familiar - the reader's seasickness equivalent. Thanks for the laughs, but too accurate to be truly funny.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most of the stores were quite funny. Some of the words used cracked me up.

[Radia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved every bit of it!

[Anda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Am ascultat cartea pe AudioTribe în lectura lui Radu Paraschivescu, ceea ce i-a oferit un plus.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick read and very funny. Unfortunate that “the duckling that was judged on its personal merits and not on its physical appearance” didn’t make the cut.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a joy to read!

[Joey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! It really brings into focus just how screwed up this nation is becoming -thanks to all of our politicians and those that know better than the rest of us- (tongue in cheek!) We try so hard to be 'politically correct' that we are loosing our own identity. We become a hodge podge of goo instead of individuals with our own personalities; everyone blends in instead of standing out. Whatever happened to 'marching to the beat of your own drummer'? If you want a good laugh at political correctness gone awry, then this is the book for you.

[Kylie Walter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think that this book is hillarious. It is funny for all ags. When I was younger my mom would always tell me the clasic fairy tales and then when I was a little bit older my mom found this book and strted telling me them. They are great because they girl the sotries that we all know and love and turned them upside down. When reading a book like this one you get to hear different sides to the diffrent charachters in the story. I can still read these stories and laugh. It is definately a book that I would recommend for my childena t home and the ones a school.

[Naomi Jayalaksana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wanna know the dirty political maneuvers held in the fairy lands? This fascinating book would be a great encounter!

Warning: Try not to eat too much. Fat chance that you'd be throwing up for laughing!

[Nikki Nielsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I brought this book to my psychology class in High School and my teacher wouldn't let me have it back! I had to buy another copy. The disclaimers and excessive use of 'political' correct terms are hilarious and I took them more as a mockery of our society than anything else.

[Kylene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious! We read these in high school, and I had to buy the book several years later when I saw it on sale. It just shows how crazy PC our world is getting. What about the people who are offended by political correctiveness? LOL.

[Aiysha Alamgir · Rating 5 out of 5]

Passed down through generations and across culture through time, fairy tales have always been a way to transfer sociocultural values to our young. These fairy tales deal with modern issues (like trigger-happy people who love to sue) in a sarcastic manner. It's a definite hit!

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Actual Rating: 7 of 10 thorns

Simply brilliant. Humorous. I absolutely love this book.

The only reason I didn't give this collection 10 stars is because there was one story that seemed to validate victim-blaming, though I'm sure it was by no conscious intention of the author.

[Alexandra - Nicoleta Firica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny book, nicely written.
It even managed to surprise me, because I did not expect the endings to the stories to be different.

I consider it worth the time and I recommend it especially when you are feeling down, because it is bound to bring a smile on your face. :)

[Lindsay · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had a sixth grader who read this over and over and over all year long. We had to throw away the jacket because it was so beat up. I'm pretty sure Mom read some of these with Kate and me.

[Miss Clark · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars

An amusing and highly politically correct take on some classic fairytales. Hit and miss at times.

[Aubree]

Glorious!

[Joe]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

#7: a book with non-human characters

[Elena ( The Queen Reads ) · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's funny coz it's true.

[Michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had a good laugh over this one.

[Madison · Rating 5 out of 5]

And she shoved the ball into his mouth and held him underwater until he stopped thrashing!