Once Upon a More Enlightened Time: More Politically Correct Bedtime Stories

Politically Correct Bedtime Stories #2

by James Finn Garner

This is a "topsy-turvy" book of both Politically Correct Bedtime Stories and Once Upon a More Enlightened Time in one volume, an exclusive Quality Paperback Book Club edition. No publishing date is given, copyright dates of 1994 and 1995 for the two books.

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Fantasy, Short Stories, Fairy Tales, Satire, Retellings

165 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

James Finn Garner is an American writer and satirist based in Chicago.[1] He is the author of Politically Correct Bedtime Stories,[2] Tea Party Fairy Tales, and Honk Honk, My Darling.

Reviews

[Damar dara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Following in the footsteps of Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, this book retells classic bedtime stories, stripped of any elements that might be offensive to women, gays, short people, minorities, giants, or wolves, as well as any details that might encourage aggression, cruelty, sexism, prejudice, littering, and so on.
At the same time he pokes fun at our politically correct sensitivity, the author points out biases in our traditional stories that we may not have been aware of.

[Sharon Todd · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had a more positive attitude (story endings) than Garner's first book, which made me happy.
I think his changes in terminology were best in The Princess and the Pea, where the King had reached corporal terminality, and the Prince, full of himself, went off on his equine colleague to find someone to enslave in matrimony. You get the idea.
Eight bedtime stories, all beginning in the familiar fashion, but unexpected endings.

[Kaethe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd say that I find these quite amusing, but you wouldn't believe me, because we all know that feminists are humorless.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was given this book as a Christmas present by a cousin quite a few years ago... and I was a bit surprised. It wouldn't have occurred to me to pick up this book on my own, but I am glad someone else thought I would. This tells fairy tales in a more politically correct way, and made me laugh out loud several times. It's a fun book, especially for fairy tale lovers. I don't enjoy the oversensitivity that plagues our society, and the overreactions to being "disrespected" you see on every reality show on television, let alone on city streets when you go out and about. But I did enjoy the political correctness and absurdity of it within a fairy tale setting. I'd recommend this one.

[Bruna ✨ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Capítulo que mais gostei foi o da pessoa adormecida de atratividade superior á média

No entanto o livro em si foi aborrecido

[Jason Pierce · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read in this omnibus.

Still entertaining, but not quite as much as the first book. Maybe I wasn't in the mood at the time I read them, or maybe I had gotten my fill with the first book; I'm not sure. Also, I read several late at night when I was bedding down and wanted something short, and I was tired. That could be a factor. I enjoyed the last few I finished up this afternoon while I was awake more than the ones I read when I was fatigued. (I just wanted to finish the book so I could put something else in the bedtime spot by the bed.)

Like with the other stories, these are familiar tales with a modern, progressive twist. Here's what we've got:

"A Politically Correct Alphabet:" Eh, whatever. Z is for Zombie, the differently dead. Ha ha.

"Hansel and Gretel:" H&G find a shack made of healthy snacks owned by a Wiccan who takes them in and trains them in her arts. Eventually they confront the woodcutter father who wants to deforest the area, something about Wicca spells, daddy's shack turning to candy, the lawyers turning into mice, devouring, etc.

"The Ant and the Grasshopper:" Ode to communism brought about by the IRS.

"The Princess and the Pea:" The princess can't sleep not because she's uncomfortable on the bed, but because she's disgusted at the amount of eiderdown feathers stolen from poor, unsuspecting geese; the 20 mattresses that could've been shared with the peasants in the castle; and the pea which could've been fed to somebody in this world of wasted food.

"The Little Mer-Persun:" The mermaid (excuse me; mer-persun) refuses to be a trophy wife for the man she rescued, so he has himself turned into a sea creature, though due to government red-tape and incompetence, he becomes half prawn. Luckily mer-persun is not speciesist, and they live happily ever after defending the ecosystem against the evil humans.

"The Tortoise and the Hare:" The hare loses by stopping to give interviews with the news media instead of taking a nap. Several of the citizens riot and tear up the town to celebrate. The tortoise was on steroids, but was still slow as the steam rising off of dog shit on a cold January morning. Everyone who didn't riot before riots in protest.

"Puss in Boots:" Cat is the campaign manager for the third son who inherits him. They do the Joe Biden plan in which he's given a script to follow as best he can, and then hide him away the rest of the time. All goes well as long as Puss does the main talking and son sticks to the script and doesn't try to speak for himself. In this way they win the Senate seat, but alas, the son goes off script at the victory speech, everyone finds out he has the acumen of John Fetterman, and that's the end of that.

"Sleeping Persun of Better-Than-Average Attractiveness:" Poor prince thinks Sleeping Beauty and all the denizens of the castle are simply practicing top-notch meditation techniques, tries to join them, accidentally awakens SB who wants to marry him since she thinks she "can't be complete without a man" due to a curse put upon her when she was born.

"The City Mouse and the Suburban Mouse:" Country bumpkin mouse visits the big city, discovers he's gay, and "comes out of the wainscotting."

[hissi · Rating 4 out of 5]

brilliant sequel. retelling with wit and humor more classic stories

[Spencer · Rating 2 out of 5]

2020
A really fun way of retelling the fairy-tails we all grew up hearing

[Mary Ditmer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not nearly as entertaining as the original.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a collection of traditional bedtime stories that Gardner has rewritten to rid them of any language or terminology that now might be considered politically incorrect. They are rendered so silly that you’ll be laughing at almost each one. They include “Hansel and Gretel”, in which the children defeat the wicked crone and punish their father who abandoned them in the beginning of the story by turning his successful but environmentally damaging business into a building made of candy and cookies. It’s immediately eaten up by mice and other animals. They turn Dad into an animal too.

“The Ant and the Grasshopper” teaches the grasshopper a lesson for being so lazy when the ant won’t share his food with the lazy insect. In “The Tortoise and the Hare”, the tortoise wins the race because the egotistical hare spends most of his time being interviewed by the press. In “Puss in Boots”, the cat manages his owner’s race for a Senate seat, which is successful until the man talks iff the cuff and says a bunch of stupid statements which cause the people to think much less of him.

Friends, I think you’ll get a kick from this little book - only 84 pages long. Enjoy!

[Laura Coll · Rating 3 out of 5]

Un libro que ofrece una crítica brutal al lenguaje políticamente correcto y que reescribe los cuentos tradicionales usando la sátira como base. El autor hace gala de una prosa rica y culta, además de usar un estilo narrativo recargado intencionalmente que le sirve para construir su crítica. Se lee en una tarde y sin duda forma un experimento muy interesante.

Reseña completa: https://paseandoentrepaginas.blogspot...

[Michael Grizer (He-Him) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Entertaining short fun pool read.

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

This sequel was trying too hard. The original was much, much better.

[Kiana · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s hard to say whether Once Upon a More Enlightened Time is more clever/humorous or immature/annoying—probably a healthy mixture of both—but, at any rate, I laughed several times. So, seeing as this is a comedic work from a satirist, I’d say, “Mission accomplished.”

Of the handful of stories retold in this collection, “Hansel and Gretel” was probably the highlight. It definitely contained my biggest laugh-out-loud moment, and I was deeply amused by how much it looked like it belonged alongside the contents of Barbara G. Walker’s Feminist Fairy Tales—with the humor coming from the fact that, unlike Walker, Garner is writing ironically. A close second would be “The Tortoise and the Hare,” which, despite being written in 1995, has aged like fine wine, being as fine a piece of satire 25 years later as it was at the time of publication—if not more so.

I also really enjoyed Garner’s turns of phrase. The “politically correct” terminology driving the stories is taken to ridiculous extremes. I was particularly amused by the various ways in which he referred to death, including “corporal terminality” and “inevitable non-essentialness,” both of which I hope to incorporate into my daily vocabulary. My favorite sentence, however, was probably from “Sleeping Persun”: “The 13th magickal wommon had long ago rejected the validity of empirical scientific thought, and as a result had forgotten how to count.”

In short: great for a laugh, especially if you’ve read your fair share of fairytale criticism and “politically correct” efforts to retell them. I can’t wait to read Garner’s other fairytale collection. (Yes, for bizarre and uninteresting reasons, I read the second installment first.)

4 stars.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Clever but not really funny.

[Miss Clark · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hilarious. Timely. Satire.

[Bish Denham · Rating 4 out of 5]

A continuation of retold fairy tales told from the politically correct point of view. Very funny. Every time I thought I'd figured out how the story was going to turn, I was wrong!

[Angharad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funnier than the first but still cringeworthy because of how often I see people that actually think in this ultra politically correct way.

[fio · Rating 3 out of 5]

enjoyable and hilarious. the endings of the stories were not my cup of tea. i liked the first one more

[Allie · Rating 2 out of 5]

A random pick from a library sale - funny, but funny in a “definitely written by a white libertarian man” kind of way

[Remo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Siguiendo la estela de su primera parte, el autor nos obsequia con unos cuantos cuentos clásicos (Hansel y Gretel, la cigarra y la hormiga, la princesa del guisante, la sirenita, la liebre y la tortuga...) pasados por el túnel de lavado de la corrección política y el wokismo (antes de que existiera lo woke como tal, que el libro tiene más de 20 años). Muy entretenido, muy divertido, y fiel a la Ley de Poe de la primera parte, indistinguible a veces la parodia de la completa seriedad.
He encontrado online el comienzo de Hansel y Gretel:

En las profundidades de una biorregión boscosa se alzaba una pequeña y humilde vivienda unifamiliar, en la que vivía una pequeña y humilde familia. El padre, de profesión carnicero arbóreo, hacía cuanto estaba en su mano por criar a sus dos preadultos, llamados Hansel y Gretel.
La familia procuraba llevar un estilo de vida saludable y respetable, pero las exigencias del sistema capitalista, y en particular sus irresponsables políticas energéticas, se aplicaban continuamente en aniquilarlos. Así, no tardaron en verse en una profunda situación de desventaja económica, hasta el punto de que se hallaron incapacitados para seguir viviendo del modo al que se habían habituado a hacerlo, por austero que éste pudiera ser. El escaso dinero que entraba en el hogar no bastaba para alimentarlos a todos.
Así pues, el carnicero arbóreo se vio dolorosamente obligado a concebir un plan para deshacerse de sus hijos. Decidió llevarles hasta el corazón del bosque en uno de sus recorridos de trabajo y abandonarlos allí. Cierto es que ello constituiría un lamentable capítulo en la crisis de los hogares regentados por un único progenitor, pero no lograba hallar una alternativa al mismo.
Cuando el padre mencionó su plan durante una entrevista telefónica mantenida con su psicoanalista, Hansel tuvo ocasión de escuchar la charla. En lugar de avisar a las autoridades competentes, Hansel ideó un plan para protegerse a sí mismo y también a su hermana. A la mañana siguiente, el carnicero arbóreo envasó para todos y cada uno de ellos almuerzos equilibrados y nutritivos en otros tantos recipientes reciclables, y los tres partieron. Hansel, sin embargo, se había llenado los bolsillos de muesli y, a medida que se internaban cada vez más en el bosque, fue dejando caer grandes trozos de tan saludable alimento a lo largo del sendero para señalar el camino.
En un claro del corazón del bosque, el carnicero arbóreo se detuvo finalmente y dijo a Hansel y Gretel:
—Vosotros, preadultos, esperad aquí. Voy a buscar árboles que cosechar y, si acaso tengo tiempo, a explorar también mi primitiva psique masculina frente al escenario de la naturaleza. No tardaré mucho en volver.
A continuación, entregó a los niños sus respectivos almuerzos y se alejó.
La mañana dio paso a la tarde, y la tarde al crepúsculo y, finalmente, Hansel reveló a su hermana el plan de su padre para abandonarlos. Gretel, siempre equilibrada y práctica ante tales situaciones, sugirió recolectar los materiales necesarios para construir un refugio sombrajo, tal y como habían aprendido a hacer en sus clases de Técnicas de supervivencia fuera de los límites aborígenes.
—No es necesario —dijo Hansel—. Sin necesidad siquiera de ensuciar ni mutilar un solo árbol, he dejado un rastro que nos servirá para regresar.
Pero, cuando acudieron en busca del mismo, descubrieron una cohorte de jóvenes exploradores afanados en devorar el muesli. A gritos, los supervivencionistas conminaron a los niños a mantenerse alejados de sus recién descubiertas raciones y, tras disparar unos cuantos tiros al aire, desaparecieron entre los árboles.
Hansel y Gretel vagaron por diversas sendas, pero al cabo de algún tiempo terminaron por hallarse irremediablemente perdidos y considerablemente hambrientos. Y entonces, al doblar un estrecho recodo del camino, avistaron una choza prodigiosa construida con galletas de algarrobo bañadas en chocolate, pan de jengibre bajo en calorías y tarta de zanahoria. A pesar de hallarse desprovista del pertinente registro de la Dirección General de Sanidad, la cabaña mostraba un aspecto tan apetitoso que los niños se abalanzaron sobre ella y comenzaron a devorarla.
Súbitamente, emergió de la choza una mujer ya bien entrada en la Edad Dorada (de hecho, debía de haberla sobrepasado con creces). Los numerosos brazaletes que adornaban sus muñecas y tobillos tintineaban al ritmo de sus movimientos, y su cuerpo desprendía cierto aroma a pachulí, salvia chamuscada y cigarrillos de clavo. Los niños se sobresaltaron, y Hansel se dirigió a ella:
—Perdone mi franqueza, pero ¿acaso es usted una bruja malvada?
La mujer se echó a reír.
—No, no, querido. No soy una bruja, soy una hechicera. Mi naturaleza no es más perversa que la de cualquier otra persona normal y, a diferencia de lo que puedan haberte llevado a creer las habladurías, no me alimento, desde luego, de pequeños preadultos. Venero a la naturaleza y a la Diosa, y combino hierbas y pociones naturales para ayudar a la gente. En serio. Y ahora, ¿por qué no entráis los dos y os tomáis una buena taza de té de tusílago?
Ya en el interior de la suculenta —pero funcional— cabaña, la hechicera rogó a los niños que olvidaran la propaganda y las calumnias esparcidas acerca de personas como ella. Les relató episodios de su existencia en el bosque, en el que vivía en comunión con las especies no-humanas fabricando pociones, aplicando hechizos y sanando las numerosas heridas que se le infligían a la Madre Tierra. A Hansel y Gretel les llevó algún tiempo liberar su mente del estereotipo de las arpías de edad avanzada y piel verdosa tocadas con un sombrero negro rematado en punta. (Irónicamente, la hechicera poseía, en efecto, una larga y verrugosa nariz más parecida a un pepino mohoso, pero los niños estaban demasiado bien educados como para osar inquirir al respecto). Terminaron por convencerse de la sinceridad de la hechicera cuando conocieron a sus vecinos y conciudadanos. Esa misma noche, para dar la bienvenida a los niños, aquellas amables gentes celebraron una reunión a la luz de la luna en la que los asistentes se despojaron de todas sus vestiduras, se embadurnaron mutuamente de barro y danzaron en círculo al son de ocarinas y flautas de pan. El edificante espectáculo resultó tan noble y tan natural que Hansel y Gretel decidieron allí y entonces que renunciarían a su antigua existencia para unirse a los habitantes de los bosques.
Con el tiempo, Hansel y Gretel aprendieron a amar a la hechicera, así como la vida que llevaban en la foresta. A medida que fueron desarrollándose en edad y juicio, comenzaron a afianzar sus lazos con la Madre Tierra de modos más directos y tangibles. Con vigor y coraje, proyectaron y emprendieron numerosas acciones
profundamente ecológicas destinadas a la protección de su medio arbóreo. Alegremente, Hansel y Gretel se entregaron a la tarea de apuntalar árboles, sabotear equipos de minería y excavación y dinamitar las centrales de energía y los tendidos eléctricos que se extendían sobre las tierras de labranza próximas con explosivos fabricados a base de ingredientes naturales. [...]

[Katherine Loyacano · Rating 3 out of 5]

Once Upon a More Enlightened Time: More Politically Correct Bedtime Stories by James Finn Garner is the amusing sequel to Politically Correct Bedtime Stories. As with the first compilation, some of the tales are funnier than others. A fairy tale princess channels past lives and historical personalities while another marries a half-human, half-prawn. In this enchanted adaptation, responsible animals from fables, like the ant and the tortoise, face legal action for not being more sympathetic towards their storybook counterparts. Also, Sleeping Beauty is now referred to as Sleeping Persun of Better-Than-Average Attractiveness. In addition to “A Politically Correct Alphabet,” the fairy tales and fables included in this short collection are:

“Hansel and Gretel”
“The Ant and the Grasshopper”
“The Princess and the Pea”
“The Little Mer-Persun”
“The Tortoise and the Hare”
“Puss and Boots”
“Sleeping Persun of Better-Than-Average Attractiveness”
“The City Mouse and the Suburban Mouse”

While I enjoyed the first collection of bedtime stories a tad bit better, this book was a great choice for me to read during the GarbAugust 2.5: Wasted Weekend on booktube. The stories are short, silly, and mostly entertaining.

[Chelsea · Rating 2 out of 5]

Perhaps it's my fault for not understanding what this book was supposed to be, but it was certainly not what I expected. I thought it was going to be an honest attempt at fixing old fables so that the women have more independence and voice, etc., but it was really just making fun of people who believe in political correct-ness. I understand that being pc can sometimes go overboard and Garner's pushing it over the edge was occasionally funny- but it was mostly tiresome. Forcing every story to be the same level of pc-ness made them all bland and uninspiring. Then there's also the strange conglomeration of traditional medieval-esque stories with modern technology. It was jarring to have old stories seemingly still set in their original times with some aspects, such as the spinning wheel for Sleeping Beauty, and yet filled with modern ideas and tools/objects/assorted tech. Pick a time period and stick to it! I only finished reading the entire thing because it was so short and I was hoping for a diamond-in-the-rough that would help me enjoy it a little- not so much. I'll give two stars instead of one for acceptable writing and a few clever ideas, sparse as they were.

[Margaret Mary Lynch · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a rather "tongue in cheek" re-write of some childhood fairy tales but I think it is intended for adults rather than young children, pre-teens or "pre-adults" as he likes to call them. The characters live in a world of equality between "the genders" and "non persun creatures" (the animals). In a world where "Woodcutters" are called "Tree Butchers" and where awareness of ecology and altruism are the norm, revenue is re distributed to help those in need. "Fraud, nepotism & inter species exploitation " is offensive to all creatures and "resource-guzzling, air befouling automobiles " are sometimes borrowed by "former clients of the correctional system" Princes and princesses are not superior to any other persuns but when the queen hid a pea under several quilts and futons to test the credibility of the visiting princess,the sensitive princess shared the quilts & futons with the peasants and was shocked by "the waste of food" when she found the pea!
A nice little read and I look forward to reading his " Politically correct bedtime stories " in the future.

[Arnela · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is incredibly rare, that a sequel to an anthology manages to hold its own against the first. I always feel like the first is where they pull out a lot of the stops, get readers really into it, the second one is ok [sometimes they totally drop the ball], but usually it's ok, just kinda lacking compared to the stories in the first one. If there's more than 2 or 3 in the series it's always the ones in the middle that, as good as they seem to get never reach the first ones level.

I am happy to say that my fears were unwarranted, the second collection of politically correct bedtime stories is just as ridiculously funny [and satirical] as the first. Maybe like half a rung underneath the first, but that's still really good.

Come join your favorite fairy tales as they embark on vastly new [but still very much the same] adventures in an attempt to be part of a more conscientious and civilized society, and laugh at how silly they sound.

[Jodi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick read with some chuckles at the silliness of political correctness. I giggled that the witch in Hansel and Gretel wasn't a witch but a Wiccan. Ha! I had to laugh that the preying mantis had to simply be called mantis and couldn't show his spiritual side although he still prayed. Funny! I love how the prince looking for a princess didn't care if she was heavily or lightly pigmented, vertically or horizontally challenged, cosmetically attractive or differently visaged. Too funny! I loved that the prince in the Little Mermaid used gene splicing to become a prawn to live with her unhappily under the sea! Definitely silly spins on traditional fairy tales. Granted I'm all for respecting all backgrounds and beliefs but it is worth a giggle when it becomes exaggerated like it is in these stories.

[David Dunlap · Rating 1 out of 5]

This sequel to 'Politically Correct Bedtime Stories' simply falls flat for me. Perhaps such stories as Hansel and Gretel, the Tortoise and the Hare, Puss in Boots, and "Sleeping Persun of Better-Than-Average Attractiveness" simply do not lend themselves to the same treatment that the stories in the previous volume received; perhaps they are just not as well done; perhaps the clever concept of the earlier book had simply run its course. -- Of course, as is the case with the first book, this reads quickly, so not so very much time is wasted. Still, I would not recommend this.

[Ashley Kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quirky, but a solid read

An enjoyable if not odd read. The satire is clever though the language tries a bit too hard in places and the stories redundant at times. But then so are fairy tales so I guess that is to be expected. I enjoyed the first book a little more than this second installment, still a good lesson in point of view, satire and what it means to be politically correct in the 21st century.

[Steph · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hysterical, extra-modern retellings of classic fairy tales.

Even more contemporary and advanced versions of classic stories like Hansel and Gretel and the Princess and the Pea make for highly entertaining reading. Required for reading: a basic knowledge of modern political and social events, a love of happy endings, and a dry, witty sense of humor.

[Nadishka Aloysius · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although this was written over 20 years ago, it fit in well with current perceptions. I liked the twist and turn of language, and the humour. But I don't think I can read a lot of this kind of re-hashing - 9 short stories was just the right length. A very refreshing change to the usual fairy tales.