The Worst Thing I've Done

by Ursula Hegi

Friends since childhood, Annie, Jake and Mason had a special bond that transcended all other relationships. When Annie's parents die on her and Mason's wedding night, the three friends decide to raise Annie's infant sister, Opal, together. Entangled relationships ensue between them and Annie struggles to be both a sister and a mother to Opal. And then, on one fateful night, the friends step over a line that has shocking, unforeseen consequences. Beautifully written and brilliantly vivid, this truth-telling and engaging novel of friendship, love and death and -- ultimately -- of resilience and understanding, will resonate long after each character tells their story.

Genres: Fiction, Book Club, Novels, Contemporary, Adult Fiction, Friendship, Family

272 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Ursula Hegi is a German-born American writer. She is currently an instructor in the MFA program at Stony Brook Southampton.
She was born Ursula Koch in 1946 in Düsseldorf, Germany, a city that was heavily bombed during World War II. Her perception growing up was that the war was avoided as a topic of discussion despite its evidence everywhere, and The Holocaust was a particularly taboo topic. This had a strong effect on her later writing and her feelings about her German identity.
She left West Germany in 1964, at the age of 18. She moved to the United States in 1965, where she married (becoming Ursula Hegi) in 1967 and became a naturalized citizen the same year. In 1979, she graduated from the University of New Hampshire with both a bachelor's and master's degree. She was divorced in 1984. The same year, she was hired at Eastern Washington University, in Cheney, Washington, near Spokane, Washington, where she became an Associate Professor and taught creative writing and contemporary literature.
Hegi's first books were set in the United States. She set her third, Floating in My Mother's Palm, in the fictional German town of "Burgdorf," using her writing to explore her conflicted feelings about her German heritage. She used the setting for three more books, including her best selling novel Stones from the River, which was chosen for Oprah's Book Club in 1997. Hegi appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show on April 8, and her publisher reprinted 1.5 million hardcover copies and 500,000 paperbacks. She subsequently moved from Spokane to New York City.
Hegi's many awards include an NEA Fellowship and five PEN Syndicated Fiction Awards. She won a book award from the Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association (PNBA) in 1991 for Floating in My Mother's Palm. She has also had two New York Times Notable Book mentions. She has written many book reviews for The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and The Washington Post.

Reviews

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nine and a half miles into a hike, I was still buzzing…..
walking happily….
listening to “The Worse Thing I’ve Done”….my first book by Ursula Hegi.
I couldn't wait to get back to it after a break.

Every reader says “Stones From The River”, is Hegi’s best book.
Great news — because I already liked ‘this one’ ... VERY MUCH...
5 stars worth!!! I bought the ebook to “Stones of the River” yesterday.

I read low reviews on this book, but I’m definitely not one of them.
This book opens with a suicide - looks at dark issues -with likable and unlikable characters. It 'commanded' my attention!!! It’s filled with anguish and touches on every emotion we encounter in life.
Hegi’s immense writing skills are clearly apparent. She writes about meaty things - domestic realism - (a collage of personal moments that make up a life — including thoughts about the Iraq war), with spare old fashion grace.
Love, tragedy, grief, beauty, humor, betrayal, sadness, marriage, friendship, (including a triangle relationship), Art, (wonderful collage work), parenting, jealousy, guilt, death, depression, suicide, anti-war, suspense, and forgiveness…. are themes/ topics that run throughout. There is also a radio-psychologist.

The main characters are Annie, Mason, Jake, Opal, and Aunt Stormy
Hegi tells this tale from multiple points of view….(present time and flashbacks)

It was the morning of ‘One Year’ anniversaries:
1-Annie and Mason’s ‘one year’ wedding anniversary…
2- Opal’s first-year’s birthday…(the child was born minutes after Annie’s pregnant mother died)
3- Annie’s parents death…(they died in a car accident the same day Annie & Mason got married)
HOW DOES ALL THAT HAPPEN in ONE DAY??? Crazy!
And…
4 - Best friend Jake (since childhood), with both Mason & Annie, moves-in with Mason & Annie —(each co-parenting Opal —taking turns going to classes). Secrets and regrets run deep between them -threatening their bonds.
Aunt Smoky is a wise middle age wonderful character to spend time with too...

The morning of this ‘odd’ celebration/mourning day…..
The ‘One Year’ anniversaries — (emotional-and-unforgettable) — the day begins with Annie waking up from a bad dream -'screaming'. A sad presage for the day!
That continues and continues…..

“The Worse Thing I’ve Done” —asks us to look inside a person and discover the essence of his or her humanity. Hegi vividly takes us on a harrowing journey —contemplating the things that swallow us whole.

5 stars from me — looking forward to more books by Hegi!

[sarafem · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted very much to like this book. I loved the main character Annie and her friend Jake, and Annie's sister Opal. However, I could not relate to the characters in any way - and I should have, because there were a lot of personal similarities - and I found the premise to be unbelievable, perhaps uncomfortable. Mason, Annie's husband, was a very disturbing character who kills himself essentially to make Annie and Jake feel as bad as he does. As the story goes on it becomes clear that he has always been the center of this friendship and makes it very disfunctional. Wading through the relationship, as a reader, became torturous and I didn't understand why Annie and Jake hadn't dumped him back in preK and created a healthy, two-person lifelong relationship.

There is a strong anti-war, anti-Bush subtext in this novel, and while I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment, it just didn't work here. I am more forgiving than other reviewers in that I saw parallels that could have made it work, but Hegi didn't pull it off. It often came out of nowhere, and the tone of the writing and the personalities of the characters seemed to change. It felt thrown in as an afterthought and seemed clumsy and foolish.

Hegi's Stones is one of my favorite books, so when I saw this work and was immediately pulled in by the title, I expected a lot. Unfortunately, this is the sort of book that I will not even be able to remember reading in a few months. It is completely forgettable.

[Barb H · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ursula Hegi's "The Worst Thing I've Done", appeared at first to be a rather simple story of childhood friendships gone awry. The story begins slowly, but seems to gain intensity and significance as it progresses. It is rife with sadness, but there is also a sweet beauty and humor, especially when one begins to become better acquainted with the characters. Hegi manages to insert notes of humor throughout this tale. She targets human relationship quite well.

In reading this book, it is impressive how well the author has painted the landscape and the environment. One can almost smell the salty ocean breezes, feel the fog rolling in and watch the gulls sweeping through the air. The airy, lacy and luminous beauty of the "lumies" (a jelly fish)in the moonlight is tangible.

Most of all, this book addresses the issues of personal grieving, coming to terms with a loved one's absence,forgiving oneself and the departed individual and moving forward.

[Becky Marietta · Rating 1 out of 5]

The title is self-prophetic, as this book is clearly the WORST thing Hegi has ever done. Lord have mercy, did this book draaaag. (Which is a cryin' shame, because the premise had such potential.) I hated every one of the characters in this book. Hegi's purpose for the book was obviously to create a platform for her anti-war, anti-Bush feelings--which is her perogative as an author but does NOT make for interesting reading, and betrays the author/reader trust. Trying to make her views come from her characters' mouths is not that veiled, I hate to tell her. What's worse, her "peace-loving" characters came across as more judgemental than the people they were protesting--I mean, pick a soap-box, and Hegi's characters climbed on it--from the war in Iraq to (gasp! the horror!) yuppie parents.


I finally skipped all the politics, read the ending, yawned, and decided I was done with Hegi for a while.

[Lori Anderson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked "Stones From the River" and "The Vision of Emma Blau", so was expecting to enjoy "The Worst Thing I've Done".

Not so, and for several reasons.

First, I found Mason a completely unlikeable character, certifiable, and to use a word I haven't used since I was a kid, "icky". I detested him. And because I detested him, I couldn't have much feeling for Celeste.

Second, every time I started getting caught up in Hegi's lyrical writing that I truly like, she'd start a rant on the Iraq war. That just totally turned me off. It was jarring, disruptive, and by the end of the book, I just wanted to throw it down. I didn't see the point of going on and on about it when it didn't really have much to do with the plot -- certainly not to the extent and attention that she gave it.

Not a favorite. It would have gotten one star but for the bits that were the Hegi I was used to in the previous books I read.


Lori Anderson

Lori Anderson:The Store
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[Jeanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Annie, Mason, and Jake have been friends since childhood. From their lemonade stand to their post-high school trip to Morocco, the triumvirate has battled Mason's jealousy. Mason always wanted to be the center of attention and attraction; he wanted to be Annie's girlfriend AND Jake's best friend (and even more).

When Mason kills himself, he leaves Annie and their daughter, Opal to pick up the pieces. There's something Annie's done to precipitate the suicide, the worst thing she's done. And there's Jake. The worst thing he's done is also related to Mason's death. And, finally, we'll discover the worst things that Mason has done.

Hegi tells their story from multiple points of view, in both flashback and present tense. More than anything, the change in narrator keeps the novel flowing for the reader, who would otherwise be bored.

This is not one of Hegi's best novels. If you have never read her work, try Stones from the River or The Vision of Emma Blau. Both of those novels are superior to her current offering.

10/20/07

[Sharlene · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't think this story lent itself to the audio format. The changes of narration both back and forth in time and from person to person was confusing enough, but throw in dialog that just ends ...

I also felt that the Aunt and all of the political propaganda surrounding her entry in the story put me off. Another criticism of the narration -- I thought Aunt Stormy was supposed to be German, but the accent sounded more like she was from India! ARGH!

Difficult to feel any connection with the characters because audio narration was annoying. A chore to finish. There were interesting components to the story and I would probably have had a better experience reading it myself rather than being read to.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good read - an engaging story. Ursula Hegi manages to write very believable characters. Annie her sister, Opal (who she is rasing because their parents died in a car accident) are struggling to deal with Annie's husband, Mason's, suicide. Annie struggles with her dual role in Opal's life as she tries to cope with her own anger, grief and confusion.

The prose is beautiful -- lyrical and descriptive.

[Sheikha O 140A571 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very interesting novel. Take on depression, manipulation, relationships and dealing with life through the hard times. The author Ursula Hegi was able to make a picture of her words, she made the characters realistic. We hear different voices in the novel. The novel is beautifully written, it was good I enjoyed reading it. I can't tell you more I will ruin it for you.

[Amy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Probably would have given it 1 1/2 stars. I kept waiting for it to get better or have a great, answer-all-the-questions ending and it didn't. The basis of the story was interesting, but I didn't care for how the story was told. There was also a lot of political protest, anti-Bush, anti-war parts of the book that didn't really add to the story.

[Gina · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ursula, My Dear, I'm afraid it was this book. What happened to the author of STONES IN THE RIVER? Yeah, there was lots of water and Mutter rhapsodies, but the basic plot....Annie, Jake and Mason.....and a kid named Opal---this menage was unmenageable.

[Melissa (So Behind) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really disjointed story about a woman whose husband killed himself. Too much secret keeping.

[Kwoomac · Rating 3 out of 5]

While there were things I liked, there were chunks of this story that just didn’t work for me. Aunt Stormy would go on rants about President Bush (or as one of the characters not-so-cleverly called him, the shrub), the war in Iraq, and she brought us along or her many protests. It was jarring and didn’t add anything for me. I was also frustrated by the brief interludes where Mason explained his point of view. But he would end mid. Sentence and then pick it up later in the book. Mason was not likable so I really didn’t care enough to pay attention to what he was saying.

I did enjoy how Hegi had the characters experience grief, both their own, but also each other’s. I loved the relationship Aunt Stormy had with Pete.

[Edwina Book Anaconda · Rating 2 out of 5]

What a strange and twisted little book.
Didn't love it, didn't hate it.
Wouldn't recommend it.

[Adondrale Snider · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Very underwhelming.

[Linda Ashforth]

I didn’t actually finish the book; the premise seemed preposterous.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tonight, as she has done so many times before, Annabelle is driving between the North Sea and Montauk and back again. She is listening to talk radio and eating junk food; stifling her own rage and pain as she listens to the anonymous callers pour out their various tales of woe. This has been a part of Annie’s nightly routine - her own personal ritual - one that she has done ever since her husband Mason challenged everything that she once believed about herself and about their marriage. However no matter what she does, Annie can never seem to silence Mason’s urgent voice within her - it’s as desperate as some of the callers who confess their misery to the radio psychologists.

To so many of the people who know them, Annie, Jake, and Mason have always had a tremendously close friendship. Since early childhood, the three of them have had such a special bond with each other, and those ties have only strengthened for them over time. However on a day that should mark the happiest time of their lives, the initially tight friendship begins to warp into something else entirely. Something so emotionally charged and dangerous that nobody knows what to expect.

Their friendship begins to take a turn for the worse on of all days - Annie and Mason’s wedding day. Unfortunately that same night, Annie’s parents are killed in a tragic automobile accident, leaving their newborn daughter Opal an orphan. Although Annie is devastated by the loss of her parents, she must somehow find a way to put aside her own grief and tend to her newborn sister’s needs. So she and Mason take custody of Opal, and invite Jake to move in with them to help raise the child together.

Annie struggles to find a proper balance between all the responsibilities and relationships in her life and family: she is both a sister and a mother to Opal, a wife to Mason, and a friend to Jake. Perhaps inevitably, this already unique relationship grows increasingly more intense - becoming almost smotheringly close and dangerously entangled. Until that fateful night, when these three friends miss the precise moment in time that could have helped them all to take a step back from a crumbling precipice.

Instead, they continue goading each other to step across a line which ultimately leads to a series of shocking and unforeseen consequences. Set on the East End of Long Island, The Worst Thing I’ve Done is an incandescent novel of love, friendship, and marriage; of joy and betrayal; of an artist’s struggle to reconnect with her work; and of how we can sometimes choose our mothers, our families. This is a beautifully written story, brilliantly vivid and tremendously poignant; a stunning exploration of resilience and courage in the face of uncertainty.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not quite sure what to say about this book. Actually, I can’t really pinpoint what it was that disturbed me specifically, but I definitely found this to be extremely difficult reading for me. Having said that, I thoroughly enjoyed the plot and the premise of the story; I found it to be very intriguing and well-written. I found myself wavering slightly on how to rate this book, but eventually settled on giving it an A!

[Nitya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Annie is struggling to find her footing after her husband Mason commits suicide by hanging himself, in her studio, on her desk where she worked making collages.
Told in flashbacks and using Annie, Mason, and Jake, (the best friend of Annie and Mason) as narrators, we learn the history of these three, best friends since childhood. We also learn of Annie's parents, and their tragic death while on the way home from Annie and Mason's wedding. Annie's mother was kept alive after the wreck just long enough to deliver Opal, Annie's sister, who has been raised by Annie and Mason.
I found the characters in this story richly drawn, and the author made great use of the northeastern coast where Aunt Stormy lives. Aunt Stormy was Annie's mother's best friend; they met as au pairs in South Hampton as young women, both of them from Germany.
Stormy is a wise, middle-aged woman, politically minded (there are protests of the Iraq war included, the year is 2003), she lives alone, though she is lovers with a man named Pete. She lives by the ocean, has kayaks, runs her own business, very matter of fact, honest, and direct. Everyone needs a friend or relative like her.
The triangle of Annie, Mason, and Jake reveals itself more and more as the story is told. This may be a spoiler alert, so don't read on if you want to read the book. Early on we are informed of an incident in the sauna with Annie,Jake, and Mason. Later we learn that Mason egged Annie and Jake on, encouraged them to have sex.
It is tragic and poignant, because what Mason wanted was for them to refuse, but Mason had grown jealous and insecure, and Annie most of all was tired of his games.
Later we learn that Jake was present and watching through a window when Mason hung himself, that he did not move to save him, nor did he let on that he even knew, but left, leaving Annie to discover Mason hanging over her desk.
Jake is guilt-ridden, and wants to tell Annie to absolve himself, and also because he cannot imagine being in Annie's life and keeping this secret from her. He loves Annie.
This was one of the mysteries that intrigued me, reading this book, wondering if Jake would tell, and wondering how Annie would react if he did tell.
Overall, I loved the female characters in the book, but felt Annie would do better to leave Jake and Mason in the past and move on.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was another book with a character who has committed suicide. I seem to be drawn to depressing stories lately for some reason. But it focuses on the characters who are left behind and their sense of guilt and grief, and the dynamics of the triangle relationship between the main character and the two men/boys she grew up with, who are the two loves of her life. She is also raising her younger sister, because their parents were killed in a car wreck while returning home from her wedding. Her mother was pregnant with the younger sister at the time and just lived long enough to deliver the baby--and so the wedding day, birthday, and anniversary of the parents' death all fall on the same day.
There is so much that is sad about this story, and I didn't care much for it. One thing that I did like was the way that the author described the art of the main character--my favorite parts were when she was in the process of creating her collages. What I didn't like was the way that the chapters were set up. Each is preceded by the words of the character who commits suicide, but it breaks off in mid-thought each time, and by the time I reached the portions where it picked back up, I had forgotten what he was talking about. And I just didn't see the point of that. Also, each chapter switches in point of view, back and forth from different characters, but it doesn't really feel as though the voice is ever any different. It always feels like the main character's voice, which was awkward at times.

[zena · Rating 1 out of 5]

on a whim, i pulled this book from a shelf at the library. though i'd never read anything by ursula hegi, i recalled that, years ago, someone had enthusiastically mentioned ms. hegi's 'stones from the river' to me; based on this faintly recalled recommendation, i decided to become better acquainted with ms. hegi. unfortunately, this was a terrible novel! the characters were annoying (three early twenty-somethings in a love triangle), the dialog was annoying (a four year old girl speaks like an adult, her parents speak like they live in a soap opera), and the storyline was annoying. the book irritated me so much that i never managed to settle in to the story. about half way through the book, i wondered, "why am i reading this when there are so many other books that i know i want to read?". i decided to call it quits.

Exhibit A (the internal musings of one of the main characters) highlights some of the writing that made me cringe:

"But I couldn't quit. Because Jake's wanting of you was so... blatant. It's not like I invented it, Annie. It was all there, like it often is with him. Like when he throws back his head, or when he positions himself in Aunt Stormy's hammock just so, as if daring you to touch his jaw to make sure it really is that unbearably smooth."

[Sarah · Rating 1 out of 5]

I sort of read a string of pretty disappointing books over the fall. This might be the worst of the lot. From irritating typeface to unlikeable characters (even the ghost you sort of wish would just sort of die again and go away) to a plot that hinged around the most ludicrous hidden secret revealed in the most contrived way, I found myself feeling really, really annoyed with the world that this book is allowed to exist. We live in a universe where the passenger pigeon is extinct but this book goes along merrily being read by unsuspecting lovers of words and ideas and stories? It just seems like too much, you know?


Also, normally I love this writer. So I feel bad being so harsh. There are some really great descriptions of collage making, and also of new england beaches.

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Ursula Hegi's work but I debated a lot about how to review "The Worst Thing I've Done". I think she does an admirable job depicting the impact of mental illness on the individual, family members and acquaintances, and even on a national/international level. She also does an excellent job questioning the causes of mental illness - hereditary, congenital, learned behavior? Unfortunately, I think some of the message gets bogged down in the sections with the radio "doctors" and with the numerous protest and human interest groups she keeps mentioning. As a whole, I enjoyed the book but I think she could have cleaned up the story by not bringing so much into it. It also bothers me that there were a significant number of misspellings in the Kindle version.

[Solomon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up Hegi's new book at her last reading at Lincoln Center's Barnes and Noble. That thing is like a hot potato. People actually left as she read from the book. It's about the aftermath of a love triangle dating back to childhood. Suicide, voyerism, jealousy, orphans. So she takes all these really unpleasant topics and constructs a story around it. A warm, upbeat story really. But reading it, as the title suggests, is giving in to total provocation. Did the facts have to be this ugly?!

What stays is that sense of desperation to confess ones worst sins to someone to make them bearable, I suppose.

[Jess Gill · Rating 4 out of 5]

i liked the book, but it's certainly not on the same level as "Stones from the river", one of my favorite reads. i was a bit disappointed, as i'd been waiting for a long time for another book by her. i'd say, however, it's as good as her other works, including "The vision of Emma Blau".

i often find this to be the case when reading other works by the authors of my favorites. same thing happened with Anita Diamant's other books... while they are good, they don't come close to "The red tent".

[Mara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found parts of this book to be a bit vague and confusing. What exactly was the worst thing? And who is the I? Perhaps both of those questions are meant to be left unanswered, which is fine.

But there's a lot of other distracting stuff in this book, including the commentary of radio psychologists and the fact that the confession (for lack of a better word) of one of the characters is cut off in the middle of a sentence every time. Some of these narrative devices take away from the story, which is, overall, a good one. I definitely wanted more of the story, and less of the fancy writing.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as riveting as "Stones From the River". The first part was difficult, just because I didn't like being immersed in a relationship with a jealous, protective, paranoid person. The second half was easier reading because I liked the character of Aunt Stormy and there was growth and healing happening. The most interesting part was the perspective of Aunt Stormy, who had been born in Germany post WWII and tended to fault her parents' generation for not preventing the Holocaust, comparing the Iraq war, Patriot Act, etc, to Nazi Germany in 1933.

[Julie Giles · Rating 3 out of 5]

I rated this book a 3 because I like Hegi's writing style and the story is relatively interesting. Other than that, I found this book to be mediocre at best.

I tried very hard to care about the characters in this book, but for some reason I didn't really "connect" with them. Annie is distant and feels cold to me. Her late husband is such a massive douchebag that I have very little sympathy for him. Their spineless friend just serves to make things even worse.

Entertaining but kindof vacuous.

[Deborah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this in Hawaii on vacation, carting it back and forth to the beach and from lawn chair to lawn chair. I was captured by the story, but annoyed by the psychological contortion of the characters. Seems like much ado about not very much....

The contrivance of a woman raising a sister/daughter is a fascinating conundrum I have never considered, and that delicate situation is dealt with masterfully.

Not the masterpiece that Stones from The River was for me, but a good read for a lazy vacation,

[Fran · Rating 3 out of 5]

Set in Montauk/North Sea, Annie’s husband Mason commits suicide and with flashbacks, the complicated story of Annie, Mason and their life-long friend Jake, unfolds. Annie and Mason are raising her infant sister Opal because her parents were killed on her wedding day, the day Opal was born.

I like Ursula Hegi's work very much, but I found the complex story very painful to read. It is well written.