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Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?: Confessions of a Gay Dad
In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl—launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother—a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew—delivered a son into the couple’s arms. In Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight? Bucatinsky moves deftly from sidesplitting stories about where kids put their fingers to the realization that his athletic son might just grow up to be straight and finally to a reflection on losing his own father just as he’s becoming one. Bucatinsky’s soul-baring and honest stories tap into that all-encompassing, and very human, hunger to be a parent—and the life-changing and often ridiculous road to getting there.
256 pages, Paperback
First published June 5, 2012
35 people are currently reading
1592 people want to read
About the author
Dan Bucatinsky
2 books13 followersDan Bucatinsky was born in New York City, to Argentinian parents. He later went to Vassar College, graduated Phi Beta Kappa and moved back to New York to become an actor and a writer. After moving to Los Angeles, in 1992, he met his current husband of 20 years, filmmaker Don Roos. Professionally, Dan is known for writing and starring in the indie romatic comedy "All Over the Guy" (Lionsgate). In 2003 he and partner Lisa Kudrow founded Is Or Isn't Entertainment, which produced the cult HBO comedy "The Comeback" co-starring Bucatinsky as publicist Billy Stanton.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 187 reviews
January 1, 2014
My friend, the Emmy-winning actor and writer Dan Bucatinsky, has written a hilarious, bawdy, touching, and informative book which about the unique trials and pleasures of raising children in a same-sex marriage. I laughed a lot reading this book, but I cried a couple of times, too, because there is extraordinary love revealed in these pages. Ultimately, love is all that really matters, and its importance as a foundation for marriage or parenting is vividly portrayed here. It's really, really funny, too.
September 26, 2017
The book is good, but the audiobook is great.
August 7, 2015
Books with essays on kids and parenting are a dime a dozen. Most full of advice, some funny, some try to be funny and miss the mark. This is not one of these.
The author, a writer and actor gives us a unique view of parenting, that of raising children as gay parents.The author and his husband adopted two children from a mom unable to raise them. That essay alone gave me a unique view of the adoption process from a gay parent's perspective. An eye-opener for sure.
Politically incorrectness and the frequent use of f-bombs makes this book not for everyone. But it was for me. This book was laugh out loud funny frequently, and then in unexpected places made my eyes sting with tears.And it let me walk in another person's shoes, something I think we all need to do once in a while. I read this as an audio book, narrated by the author.Terrific job!
The author, a writer and actor gives us a unique view of parenting, that of raising children as gay parents.The author and his husband adopted two children from a mom unable to raise them. That essay alone gave me a unique view of the adoption process from a gay parent's perspective. An eye-opener for sure.
Politically incorrectness and the frequent use of f-bombs makes this book not for everyone. But it was for me. This book was laugh out loud funny frequently, and then in unexpected places made my eyes sting with tears.And it let me walk in another person's shoes, something I think we all need to do once in a while. I read this as an audio book, narrated by the author.Terrific job!
August 13, 2017
Filled with humor, and plenty of amusing and heartwarming anecdotes alike, this was a terrific listen.
I've been a fan of Dan Bucatinsky for a while (still mad about Scandal - James Novak was a favored character! 😭) and Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?: Confessions of a Gay Dad was simply delightful and absolutely made better by Bucatinsky narrating it personally.
This quickie review has been cross-posted at Gay Book Reviews.
February 18, 2017
Some of the chapters were funny but I got really tired of hearing how gross fat people are. Final straw was when he was so disgusted by a "heavy" 8 year old wearing a bikini, though his own daughter has a "perfect tummy". Gross Dan.
August 7, 2017
Lots of cute stories about a happy family fashioned in love and against odds. Bucatinsky is funny, truly, and only human- but I couldn't get past some of his prejudices. I think he'd be the first to admit to some of them (the whole essay on talking to his children about fat shaming was more or less just him wrestling with his societal conditioning in that area) but even early on in the book he attacks a scammer/con-artist/bad person by calling her ugly, plain, fat, etc. Yuck. I did love a look into Bucatinsky's life with children, and found it encouraging and #real.
January 16, 2019
This was such a fun audio book! The author narrates his life so well, and there are a lot of touching moments with he, his partner and his two adorable children.
September 3, 2012
i really enjoyed this book. yes, it's another collection of humorous essays about parenting, but unlike so many of its contemporaries, this book was actually funny! & perhaps even more important, it was thoughtful. bucatinsky wrote how the gendered expectations of parenting roles are upended when both parents are men, his feelings of responsibility in trying to make parenting seem appealing to other gay men, & he even touched on a topic that many queer couples would be loath to address: whether or not the children feel deprived by not having a parent of each sex.
bucatinsky & his partner adopted their two children, who are full siblings born a few years apart. the older child is a girl, the younger is a boy. bucatinsky tackles subjects like the challenges two men face is figuring out how to raise a daughter, how friendships change once babies are added to the mix, not wanting to be the token gay parent in a friend group, & how to teach the kids that they are adopted without making them feel weird. seriously a cut above the average funny parenting memoir.
bucatinsky & his partner adopted their two children, who are full siblings born a few years apart. the older child is a girl, the younger is a boy. bucatinsky tackles subjects like the challenges two men face is figuring out how to raise a daughter, how friendships change once babies are added to the mix, not wanting to be the token gay parent in a friend group, & how to teach the kids that they are adopted without making them feel weird. seriously a cut above the average funny parenting memoir.
August 8, 2017
Moderately amusing in a few places towards the middle, but the author is not an especially nice person and after a while the low grade misogyny really began to grind on my nerves. This trend of being "REAL" is getting boring- you're just being a whiny asshole, it doesn't make you cutting edge or funny. It felt like he was just alternating sentences with nasty judgmental thoughts and sweet things spoken out loud to his cute kids. Not an ultimately positive or enjoyable read.
October 1, 2020
This book had some funny parts and some parts that were just gross. So goes life with children. lol Bucatinsky seemed really genuine in this memoir and it gives you some insight into his life and personality. He discusses his love for his family, his desires, insecurities, and conflicts in a manner that comes across as open, honest, and mostly relatable.
September 4, 2014
I really enjoyed this. Definitely pick it up on audio. Bucatinsky's narrating was fantastic.
Admittedly, I only really know Bucatinsky from Scandal (love him on that show!), but now I plan to check out other things he's been in.
Great essays about parenting and family - no matter what kind of family you have, you will be able to relate. I swear, some of the conversations he's had with his kids were word for word the same ones I've had. You can tell how much he cares about his family, even as he's talking about poop. :)
Admittedly, I only really know Bucatinsky from Scandal (love him on that show!), but now I plan to check out other things he's been in.
Great essays about parenting and family - no matter what kind of family you have, you will be able to relate. I swear, some of the conversations he's had with his kids were word for word the same ones I've had. You can tell how much he cares about his family, even as he's talking about poop. :)
April 15, 2021
This book made me laugh that I seldom do. Fun read. Thoroughly enjoyed.
September 4, 2017
Dan Bucatinsky is an actor, writer, and producer and has appeared in films as well as series such as Scandal and 24:Legacy. In this memoir he talks about his experiences with his partner in adopting two children.
The couple worked through an attorney to find a willing birth mother. The first attempt dried up when the mother continually avoided drug testing and, when pressed, falsified a clean test. They eventually found a mother who was not in a position to raise an infant and agreed to an adoption. Bucatinsky and partner were in the birth room and were parents to a daughter from her first breathe. The same woman later agreed to let them adopt a son.
Many of their experiences would be typical of any couple regardless of "orientation". Others are more unique to two men raising children, including slightly more competition in setting parenting rules and the inevitable "where's the mother?" questions from strangers. Some are unique to a man raising a little girl, especially a man who was very limited even in interest with women let alone experiencing intimacy with one. There are also poignant questions from a daughter who wonders why all her friends have a mother. As the father of two daughters, and the only one who shopped for groceries, I can boast of having memorized the personal hygiene preferences of three women. That hardly made me an expert in duration of cramps or best-practices in female birth control. I think the author has a mountain of challenges ahead.
Bucatinsky is very open about the problems and the mistakes made as a parent. He talks about being a soccer dad with no interest in sports and trying to be strong when his partner seems to be getting more love from their daughter. He also wanders into his own sexual history, which is probably something gay men are questioned about by half the strangers they meet anyway so why not?
It's an episodic book rather than being a more coherent narrative and oddly light on emotion given the subject. It's clear that both men love their children but Bucatinsky doesn't do a thorough job of getting that across to the reader. Still, there are funny parenting stories and it opens us up to a parenting challenge alien to the majority of parents.
The couple worked through an attorney to find a willing birth mother. The first attempt dried up when the mother continually avoided drug testing and, when pressed, falsified a clean test. They eventually found a mother who was not in a position to raise an infant and agreed to an adoption. Bucatinsky and partner were in the birth room and were parents to a daughter from her first breathe. The same woman later agreed to let them adopt a son.
Many of their experiences would be typical of any couple regardless of "orientation". Others are more unique to two men raising children, including slightly more competition in setting parenting rules and the inevitable "where's the mother?" questions from strangers. Some are unique to a man raising a little girl, especially a man who was very limited even in interest with women let alone experiencing intimacy with one. There are also poignant questions from a daughter who wonders why all her friends have a mother. As the father of two daughters, and the only one who shopped for groceries, I can boast of having memorized the personal hygiene preferences of three women. That hardly made me an expert in duration of cramps or best-practices in female birth control. I think the author has a mountain of challenges ahead.
Bucatinsky is very open about the problems and the mistakes made as a parent. He talks about being a soccer dad with no interest in sports and trying to be strong when his partner seems to be getting more love from their daughter. He also wanders into his own sexual history, which is probably something gay men are questioned about by half the strangers they meet anyway so why not?
It's an episodic book rather than being a more coherent narrative and oddly light on emotion given the subject. It's clear that both men love their children but Bucatinsky doesn't do a thorough job of getting that across to the reader. Still, there are funny parenting stories and it opens us up to a parenting challenge alien to the majority of parents.
August 30, 2012
I'm a member of a book club that sometimes ships the new books automatically...because I've forgotten to decline the books. In this instance, Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight? came to me because I had - once again - forgotten to turn down the selections chosen for me. Since I already paid for them and the package had come, I didn't really feel like sending them back. It was too much of a pain.
I'm glad I didn't.
Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight? Confessions of a Gay Dad is a hysterical memoir on a gay man's struggle to adopt a child with his husband, and become a parent. But it's also much more than that. The book has anecdotes from throughout his life that pretty much anyone can relate to. One example, the chapter "The F Word." No, it's not what you're thinking. The word in question is "fat." Bucatinsky relates his experiences with food, both positive and negative, and how he still struggles to overcome them, and how he tries his best not to pass the food anxiety on to his children.
The book is hilarious, too. By page two I had already laughed three times (I stopped counting after that) and the laughs just kept coming. I couldn't put it down, either. I stayed up late to read it and had to smother laughs behind a hand to keep from waking up everyone in the house.
But the book is also heartbreaking. The author talks about the loss of his father and struggling to find the right time to open The Box that was left for him. It is the exploration of two men who have different backgrounds and try to find a common ground in not only parenting, but cultural traditions.
Whether or not you are a parent, I highly recommend this book. It has a little bit of something for everyone, and it shows us that no matter what sort of marriage you have or who your partner is, all parents have the same fears and insecurities - and grossouts - about their children.
I'm glad I didn't.
Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight? Confessions of a Gay Dad is a hysterical memoir on a gay man's struggle to adopt a child with his husband, and become a parent. But it's also much more than that. The book has anecdotes from throughout his life that pretty much anyone can relate to. One example, the chapter "The F Word." No, it's not what you're thinking. The word in question is "fat." Bucatinsky relates his experiences with food, both positive and negative, and how he still struggles to overcome them, and how he tries his best not to pass the food anxiety on to his children.
The book is hilarious, too. By page two I had already laughed three times (I stopped counting after that) and the laughs just kept coming. I couldn't put it down, either. I stayed up late to read it and had to smother laughs behind a hand to keep from waking up everyone in the house.
But the book is also heartbreaking. The author talks about the loss of his father and struggling to find the right time to open The Box that was left for him. It is the exploration of two men who have different backgrounds and try to find a common ground in not only parenting, but cultural traditions.
Whether or not you are a parent, I highly recommend this book. It has a little bit of something for everyone, and it shows us that no matter what sort of marriage you have or who your partner is, all parents have the same fears and insecurities - and grossouts - about their children.
December 10, 2012
This is really 3.5 stars because I did like it, it just wasn't super amazing. Exactly 12 years ago I stumbled upon The kid by Dan Savage on the "new book" shelf at the Port Townsend Public Library. New to the Pacific Northwest I did not know who Dan Savage was, but after reading his wonderful memoir about him and his partner Terry adopting their son I was hooked and have followed Dan Savage ever since.
Dan Bucatinsky shares, in very intimate details, the wonders and horrors of parenting and he writes it well. There were times I felt he was a little to judgy/bitchy about other people and their parenting, but really we all can be. I also have a harder time relating to parents who live in a world I don't--super wealthy L.A., surrounded by money, celebrities, and nannies. I do love a good parenting memoir and I am fascinated about the adoption process. I also love that great families are being created no matter what the parent's sexes are!
The only thing I felt was missing is the reality that all adopted children wonder about their biological parents, not just those who are in same-sex parent families. At one point the author wonders about the importance of a mother to his children or their feeling like they are missing out on a "normal" family, but the truth is there is plenty of that in same-sex homes with death, divorce, abandonment, and fostering.
Dan Bucatinsky shares, in very intimate details, the wonders and horrors of parenting and he writes it well. There were times I felt he was a little to judgy/bitchy about other people and their parenting, but really we all can be. I also have a harder time relating to parents who live in a world I don't--super wealthy L.A., surrounded by money, celebrities, and nannies. I do love a good parenting memoir and I am fascinated about the adoption process. I also love that great families are being created no matter what the parent's sexes are!
The only thing I felt was missing is the reality that all adopted children wonder about their biological parents, not just those who are in same-sex parent families. At one point the author wonders about the importance of a mother to his children or their feeling like they are missing out on a "normal" family, but the truth is there is plenty of that in same-sex homes with death, divorce, abandonment, and fostering.
August 17, 2017
This book is very, very funny. While it's clearly meant as a lighthearted journey through life, love and creating a "modern" family, as Bucatinsky tells stories, his humor surpasses many stand-up specials I've seen on HBO. Bucatinsky's take on family life from the perspective of a gay man is well written, full of universal insight and specific challenges he and his husband have had as a gay couple.
I picked this up because the title was amusing. I've read lots of humorists who explore baby poop and the questions our 3 and 4 year olds ask in public into comedy. Bucatinsky does it better than any I've read before. Having said that, while there are few obscenities and no gratuitous sex or violence, it isn't for the faint of heart. Raising children can be messy and awkward at times and Bucatinsky doesn't hesitate to tell the tell the real deal. Really enjoyable!
I picked this up because the title was amusing. I've read lots of humorists who explore baby poop and the questions our 3 and 4 year olds ask in public into comedy. Bucatinsky does it better than any I've read before. Having said that, while there are few obscenities and no gratuitous sex or violence, it isn't for the faint of heart. Raising children can be messy and awkward at times and Bucatinsky doesn't hesitate to tell the tell the real deal. Really enjoyable!
November 25, 2012
Super quick, easy and enjoyable read.
I did find Bucatinsky to be whiny throughout most of the book and this was super annoying for me. I also felt some of the language was real, but very harsh and a little off-putting. It had very poignant moments and other moments that just felt like fluff pieces to make the book longer. As an adopted person I was also reading very closely for how Bucatinsky handled adoption and all its complexities and he did an honorable job.
The chapter that had me in tears at the end was To Cut or Not To Cut. Such a beautifully written chapter!
I did find Bucatinsky to be whiny throughout most of the book and this was super annoying for me. I also felt some of the language was real, but very harsh and a little off-putting. It had very poignant moments and other moments that just felt like fluff pieces to make the book longer. As an adopted person I was also reading very closely for how Bucatinsky handled adoption and all its complexities and he did an honorable job.
The chapter that had me in tears at the end was To Cut or Not To Cut. Such a beautifully written chapter!
March 24, 2013
The first couple of pages in this book about what to do when your daughter realizes certain things about her anatomy had me instantly rolling and committed to Bucatinsky's book. He's hilarious at times and so genuinely emotional at times.
It was a nice balance of memoir and humor, parenting stories and simple life lessons. Regardless of his experiences revolving around being part of a same-sex couple, I was able to relate to almost all of it. I couldn't put it down once I started.
It was a nice balance of memoir and humor, parenting stories and simple life lessons. Regardless of his experiences revolving around being part of a same-sex couple, I was able to relate to almost all of it. I couldn't put it down once I started.
March 30, 2015
I really enjoyed this memoir about becoming a dad and what the first few years of parenthood have been like for Buckatinsky and his husband. He touches on heavy subjects, but throughout he keeps a sense of humor making the book a quick and fun read. I could relate to so many of his choices as a parent and his feelings of uncertainty. We've certainly all been there.
December 13, 2018
The beginning of the book was (literally) laugh out loud funny. I was sure I was going to love everything about this book. I did love most of this book, but the author’s own discriminatory views with regards to other people’s bodies and his fat-shaming (and teaching the same to his daughter) were disappointing and changed my views of this book.
February 4, 2016
This book is delightful. The author does talk quite a bit about his daughter's vagina, which is, in context, a brave and timely choice. However, if you aren't used to it - and you aren't - it comes as a bit of a surprise.
February 3, 2016
Ehh, it was a fun read, but not overly compelling. Similar to Dan Savage's The Kid, but I found Bucatinksy more relatable than Savage.
October 28, 2017
I didn’t always appreciate the humor, but I’m still glad I read this.
November 30, 2017
This made me laugh out loud on several occasions.
August 16, 2021
I loved this memoir so much and the humor of being a dad and mom to his two children, while trying to also explain adoption, death, religion, etc. This is a great fun read that I will be happy to read again.
June 10, 2024
I really enjoyed this book. Full of fun no holding back parental anecdotes told from a perspective different than mine.
February 5, 2019
A few years ago I very much enjoyed two books if I remember correctly from another gay man his last name is Savage. Dan Savage? Have to look it up and I very much enjoyed the book (s) where he wrote about him and his partner adopting a child. Okay found it and I was right. The Kid.
So far (I have read 1/4th) I quite like it although not all his jokes. Easy read.
Update: Well the author managed to make me laugh out loud a few times so kudos to him. Dan Savage his book was more a story of how they get the baby and what happened next while this book is more a book with stories of funny or confusing instances with the children. Light read.
So far (I have read 1/4th) I quite like it although not all his jokes. Easy read.
Update: Well the author managed to make me laugh out loud a few times so kudos to him. Dan Savage his book was more a story of how they get the baby and what happened next while this book is more a book with stories of funny or confusing instances with the children. Light read.
August 7, 2013
This was the selection for the first ever Family Week parents' book club. (Family Week is a celebration of gay families in Provincetown, MA, sponsored by the Family Equality Council.) There is something for everyone in this book, as Bucatinsky's wit makes for an entertaining read whether you're gay or straight and whether you have children or not.
The book club event I attended was a gathering of about a dozen mostly gay parents. (There were also a few childless interns there, as well as a straight woman!) We were in agreement that the book is a terrific parenting manual, and it displays the universality of the experience of raising children. What's even better here though is that Bucatinsky adds the gay perspective to show that additional layer of challenge in our particular families. At one point, he writes, "I have no real interest in being a political activist. It's a lot of work and sounds like that could cut into my TV time. That being said, my life is political by its very nature, and I have to be ready to families that aren't out marching on the front lines of the gay rights movement are by their very existence in public making a political statement. While his book is inherently comedic, there are moments like this that really speak to the truths of what it's like to be a parent, what it's like to be a gay man, what it's like to be a spouse, and more. He even points out a particularly poignant moment that my husband and I (both adoptive parents) remember vividly: "the happiest moment in one couple's lives is quite possibly the saddest in that mother's [life]".
The honesty and insight Bucatinsky offers here are well wroth the quick read!
The book club event I attended was a gathering of about a dozen mostly gay parents. (There were also a few childless interns there, as well as a straight woman!) We were in agreement that the book is a terrific parenting manual, and it displays the universality of the experience of raising children. What's even better here though is that Bucatinsky adds the gay perspective to show that additional layer of challenge in our particular families. At one point, he writes, "I have no real interest in being a political activist. It's a lot of work and sounds like that could cut into my TV time. That being said, my life is political by its very nature, and I have to be ready to families that aren't out marching on the front lines of the gay rights movement are by their very existence in public making a political statement. While his book is inherently comedic, there are moments like this that really speak to the truths of what it's like to be a parent, what it's like to be a gay man, what it's like to be a spouse, and more. He even points out a particularly poignant moment that my husband and I (both adoptive parents) remember vividly: "the happiest moment in one couple's lives is quite possibly the saddest in that mother's [life]".
The honesty and insight Bucatinsky offers here are well wroth the quick read!
July 11, 2013
I'm embarrassed to have to write this, but... this book was heartwarming. Oh god, you say, "Heartwarming? You mean like a Hallmark Special heartwarming? Run away, run away very fast!"
No, really, it was funny and it was Erma Bombeck crossed with Torch Song Trilogy with an extra dash of glitter-- it was a gay entertainment dad in the blogosphere but searching for his highest truth. Some of those truths were painful because hey, who wants to admit that one is worried about your kids growing up to be like the kids who bullied you in school? Or that adoption can sometimes be scary?
The author had put some thought into what one's role is as a gay dad, and as a parent in general in today's society. I hestitated about giving this five stars; mostly those only go to books I would Have.To.Own if only I lived in a house with more bookshelf space... I'm not sure whether I'll choose to read it again, which is a point against it. Maybe there was a little too much ta-daaa! in it (you could tell he'd written his own scripts early on in his show business career) and maybe I'm not as enamored of Erma Bombeck. On the other hand, it is what it is, and it's a great example of what it is. So, Five Stars.
No, really, it was funny and it was Erma Bombeck crossed with Torch Song Trilogy with an extra dash of glitter-- it was a gay entertainment dad in the blogosphere but searching for his highest truth. Some of those truths were painful because hey, who wants to admit that one is worried about your kids growing up to be like the kids who bullied you in school? Or that adoption can sometimes be scary?
The author had put some thought into what one's role is as a gay dad, and as a parent in general in today's society. I hestitated about giving this five stars; mostly those only go to books I would Have.To.Own if only I lived in a house with more bookshelf space... I'm not sure whether I'll choose to read it again, which is a point against it. Maybe there was a little too much ta-daaa! in it (you could tell he'd written his own scripts early on in his show business career) and maybe I'm not as enamored of Erma Bombeck. On the other hand, it is what it is, and it's a great example of what it is. So, Five Stars.
July 11, 2012
I'm a graduate student, so I have a lot of reading to get through on any given day. It took me a while to get Dan Bucatinsky's memoir because of this, and I had only intended to read a chapter or so at a time when I could squeeze it in. But that went out the window once I started reading. I couldn't not continue on. Bucatinsky is truly funny (for further evidence of this, rent or buy his film All Over the Guy, it's extremely funny and extremely underrated), telling stories that are both absurd and deep. His deep love for and desire to understand his children shines through in these short essays about what it means to be a gay dad. There's a universal truth hidden beneath humorous accounts of little Jonah pulling the fire alarm in an East Coast hotel, and five-year-old Eliza's burgeoning awareness of her "front tushie." It's also a great example of opposites attracting when we get glimpses into Dan's life with his partner, Don Roos. This is one family I didn't mind spending some time with, and I was all too sad to see it end.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 187 reviews