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Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed
The first handbook on navigating the exciting, tricky, and potentially disastrous terrain of interracial relationships, with testimony and expert tips on how to make the bumpy ride a bit smoother.
The first handbook on navigating the exciting, tricky, and potentially disastrous terrain of interracial relationships, with testimony and expert tips on how to make the bumpy ride a bit smoother.
The first handbook on navigating the exciting, tricky, and potentially disastrous terrain of interracial relationships, with testimony and expert tips on how to make the bumpy ride a bit smoother.
272 pages, Paperback
First published May 15, 2012
17 people are currently reading
129 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
June 14, 2012
It's been a long time since I read a book that annoyed me this much.
I'm hesitant to pan it because it's written by two black women, and their intentions are true. They aim to empower black women who limit their options to black men to care enough about themselves to try interracial dating. There are some great tips in here about learning how to be your own great partner, with a list of cities where interracial dating is more widely accepted.
I loved Janice's parts of the book a lot more than Christelyn, probably because Janice is a journalist who gives the single woman's perspective and Christelyn is married to a "rainbeau" the annoying term they use for men who are not black in the book. (In her case, her husband is white.)
The main source of information that is anecdotal appears to come from Christelyn's blog, Beyond Black & White and a few other anecdotes from friends and family. There is some advice about how to defend yourself if someone attacks you and your rainbeau in the street, so there's that. I kept wondering while I was reading this book if the people who really need it -- black women who are so scared of what other people will think that they need a guidebook to empower them to date someone of another race -- would actually purchase this book, or even check it out at the library. Perhaps. The language is a little girlfriendy/condescending. I like ice cream, also, by the way, so I wanted to really enjoy the swirling metaphor, but after awhile, it really, truly annoyed me so much that I'm surprised that I finished the book. The takeaway is that there are men of all colors who will date straight black women if only they will have the courage to pursue men of all ethnicities. If you think you know that already (I think I know that already) then you don't need to read this book. I hear it may become a movie, so you could just watch that. Maybe it'll come out around the same time as the sequel to Think Like A Man.
I'm hesitant to pan it because it's written by two black women, and their intentions are true. They aim to empower black women who limit their options to black men to care enough about themselves to try interracial dating. There are some great tips in here about learning how to be your own great partner, with a list of cities where interracial dating is more widely accepted.
I loved Janice's parts of the book a lot more than Christelyn, probably because Janice is a journalist who gives the single woman's perspective and Christelyn is married to a "rainbeau" the annoying term they use for men who are not black in the book. (In her case, her husband is white.)
The main source of information that is anecdotal appears to come from Christelyn's blog, Beyond Black & White and a few other anecdotes from friends and family. There is some advice about how to defend yourself if someone attacks you and your rainbeau in the street, so there's that. I kept wondering while I was reading this book if the people who really need it -- black women who are so scared of what other people will think that they need a guidebook to empower them to date someone of another race -- would actually purchase this book, or even check it out at the library. Perhaps. The language is a little girlfriendy/condescending. I like ice cream, also, by the way, so I wanted to really enjoy the swirling metaphor, but after awhile, it really, truly annoyed me so much that I'm surprised that I finished the book. The takeaway is that there are men of all colors who will date straight black women if only they will have the courage to pursue men of all ethnicities. If you think you know that already (I think I know that already) then you don't need to read this book. I hear it may become a movie, so you could just watch that. Maybe it'll come out around the same time as the sequel to Think Like A Man.
July 10, 2012
Black women and their dating life has been big news for the last few years. Swirling could have been just another book to add to the growing pile of books and magazine articles directed at black women telling them that they will grow old alone. Thankfully, Karazin and Littlejohn avoid that well-worn path and take a fresh look at a popular topic.
Both of authors share their experiences dating, mating, and relating interracially and their differing experiences add to the credibility and ability to relate of what the authors write. Karazin has been married interracially for close to a decade (as of the publication of the book) and Littlejohn was previously married to a black man, is now divorced, and has been mixing it up across racial lines while she now enjoys her singleness and focuses on her career. I think that it is this difference of perspective which is the best feature of the book. The authors tag team on the chapters, allowing each author to write a chapter about a subject that she is best suited to write.
The chapters cover just about every issue that a woman who is interested in dating interracially could want to know--from flirting, where to meet men (hint: Everywhere! But the authors are kind enough to offer some specific suggestions.), how to deal with family issues (what will his family say? what will your family say? how do you deal with potential differences on issues related to race?), and ultimately, how to decide on whether or not the relationship is worth your time and effort.
Consider Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate to be the ultimate beginners manual on how to start dating interracially and how to become comfortable while doing so.
Both of authors share their experiences dating, mating, and relating interracially and their differing experiences add to the credibility and ability to relate of what the authors write. Karazin has been married interracially for close to a decade (as of the publication of the book) and Littlejohn was previously married to a black man, is now divorced, and has been mixing it up across racial lines while she now enjoys her singleness and focuses on her career. I think that it is this difference of perspective which is the best feature of the book. The authors tag team on the chapters, allowing each author to write a chapter about a subject that she is best suited to write.
The chapters cover just about every issue that a woman who is interested in dating interracially could want to know--from flirting, where to meet men (hint: Everywhere! But the authors are kind enough to offer some specific suggestions.), how to deal with family issues (what will his family say? what will your family say? how do you deal with potential differences on issues related to race?), and ultimately, how to decide on whether or not the relationship is worth your time and effort.
Consider Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate to be the ultimate beginners manual on how to start dating interracially and how to become comfortable while doing so.
July 11, 2012
I enjoyed the book contrary to the rude comments of some, the authors did a great job; the book was a very easy read with humorous undertones. I wish the authors much more success as the book gets more exposure and genuine support.
July 9, 2012
In Swirling, Christelyn Karazin and Janice Littlejohn perform a vital service. Their insightful discussion is both in your face and disarming. A much needed contribution to our national conversation about race and relationships. --Ralph Richard Banks, Jackson Eli Reynolds Professor of Law at Stanford Law School and the author of Is Marriage for White People? How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone
“Wisely written . . . . smart, conversational and honest.” --Mekeisha Madden Toby, The Detroit News
"What an important and timely topic! Karazin and Littlejohn's warm conversational style sets the perfect tone for women in interracial and intercultural relationships who are seeking practical advice and support." --Linda R. Young, PhD, psychologist and blogger for Psychology Today
“A welcome, heart-felt primer on what African-American women can and should do better prepare themselves for the challenges, frustrations as well as the possibilities and hopes in the turbulent world of relationships. It's a book whose time has more than come.” --Earl Ofari Hutchinson, Nationally syndicated columnist, author and social commentator
“Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn and Christelyn D. Karazin bring a refreshing perspective to this hotly debated and newsworthy topic -- they also have the journalistic mettle and personal experience and humor to pull off a book that is both entertaining and informational . . . . a must-read.” --Brian Lowry, Variety Chief Television Critic
“This surprising and oh-so-timely book should be considered essential reading for any woman who feels rudderless when it comes to finding a soul mate . . . . smartly researched and eye-opening.” --John Griffiths, Us Weekly Television Critic
“After nearly 20 years in an interracial marriage, the one thing I've learned is that black folks often have more hang-ups about these kinds of relationships than anyone else. And if anyone can help us all sort through the nonsense, problems and preconceptions, it is Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn, one of the smartest, most empathetic writers I know. I only hope she starts on a book for black men next!” --Eric Deggans, TV/Media Critic, St. Petersburg Times
“A breath of fresh air.” --Cherilyn “CW” Smith, popular blogger and author of Black Women Deserve Better
“Couldn’t come at a better time." --Lecia J. Brooks Director, Civil Rights Memorial Center, Southern Poverty Law Center
"This book is critically important in our time to help foster a more open dialogue about interracial dating & marriages. I enjoyed it thoroughly and I highly recommend it to everyone. What a great read!" —Sophia A. Nelson, award winning Author & columnist for NBC's theGrio.com & Essence Magazine
“Wisely written . . . . smart, conversational and honest.” --Mekeisha Madden Toby, The Detroit News
"What an important and timely topic! Karazin and Littlejohn's warm conversational style sets the perfect tone for women in interracial and intercultural relationships who are seeking practical advice and support." --Linda R. Young, PhD, psychologist and blogger for Psychology Today
“A welcome, heart-felt primer on what African-American women can and should do better prepare themselves for the challenges, frustrations as well as the possibilities and hopes in the turbulent world of relationships. It's a book whose time has more than come.” --Earl Ofari Hutchinson, Nationally syndicated columnist, author and social commentator
“Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn and Christelyn D. Karazin bring a refreshing perspective to this hotly debated and newsworthy topic -- they also have the journalistic mettle and personal experience and humor to pull off a book that is both entertaining and informational . . . . a must-read.” --Brian Lowry, Variety Chief Television Critic
“This surprising and oh-so-timely book should be considered essential reading for any woman who feels rudderless when it comes to finding a soul mate . . . . smartly researched and eye-opening.” --John Griffiths, Us Weekly Television Critic
“After nearly 20 years in an interracial marriage, the one thing I've learned is that black folks often have more hang-ups about these kinds of relationships than anyone else. And if anyone can help us all sort through the nonsense, problems and preconceptions, it is Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn, one of the smartest, most empathetic writers I know. I only hope she starts on a book for black men next!” --Eric Deggans, TV/Media Critic, St. Petersburg Times
“A breath of fresh air.” --Cherilyn “CW” Smith, popular blogger and author of Black Women Deserve Better
“Couldn’t come at a better time." --Lecia J. Brooks Director, Civil Rights Memorial Center, Southern Poverty Law Center
"This book is critically important in our time to help foster a more open dialogue about interracial dating & marriages. I enjoyed it thoroughly and I highly recommend it to everyone. What a great read!" —Sophia A. Nelson, award winning Author & columnist for NBC's theGrio.com & Essence Magazine
July 10, 2012
I was thrilled to finally read this much anticipated book on Swirling. I love the concept, the name and admire the phenomenal effort put into bringing this work to fruition. Whether one is a veteran swirler, newcomer, curious or even skeptical, this book has something for everyone. I love the authors' ability to combine history, current themes and events, facts and all things interracial and intercultural with wit and just the right amount of humor. "Swirling" promises to keep the reader engaged, intrigued and ready to put some of the tips and suggestions into practice.
"Swirling" is thought provoking and challenges everyone (including skeptics)to consider a new approach to outdated, debunked myths and brainwashing ingrained since childhood for many of us. The writers explore more than just black white relationships as there are swirlers of just about every racial combination you can imagine. We can read about swirling cultures and religions as well as race in the book. One should prepare to do their homework and check out the myriad of links and references provided by the authors.
While reading, I felt like I was holding a conversation with the authors over dinner. Although swirling is a very serious subject, I found the tone quite friendly, enlightening, refreshing and simply nice. I thought about my own past encounters when reading some of the stories; and had the "Common sense" light go off with some stories as well. There are no therories to be found in "Swirling". Just facts and truth. You can't beat the examples of personal experience which both authors candidly bring and complete a tremendously well rounded and great read. I truly envision a bevy of readers thanking the authors for helping them to make real changes that contributed to them finding their future husbands or wives in the near future!
"Swirling" is thought provoking and challenges everyone (including skeptics)to consider a new approach to outdated, debunked myths and brainwashing ingrained since childhood for many of us. The writers explore more than just black white relationships as there are swirlers of just about every racial combination you can imagine. We can read about swirling cultures and religions as well as race in the book. One should prepare to do their homework and check out the myriad of links and references provided by the authors.
While reading, I felt like I was holding a conversation with the authors over dinner. Although swirling is a very serious subject, I found the tone quite friendly, enlightening, refreshing and simply nice. I thought about my own past encounters when reading some of the stories; and had the "Common sense" light go off with some stories as well. There are no therories to be found in "Swirling". Just facts and truth. You can't beat the examples of personal experience which both authors candidly bring and complete a tremendously well rounded and great read. I truly envision a bevy of readers thanking the authors for helping them to make real changes that contributed to them finding their future husbands or wives in the near future!
September 17, 2012
I basically read this book to follow suit with the fad and to basically see what they were saying in terms of interracial relationships. I think the book was very well written, however, I believe the whole let me read a book about how I should interracially date is pretty dumb. I believe that yes, a lot of women don't date outside of their race because they are fearful of what people will say and what not, however, there are millions of us who do it who don't care.
I don't believe that this book and other books of the topic do anything but force you to date interracially when realistically, you could be single because you're just single. sigh.
I don't believe that this book and other books of the topic do anything but force you to date interracially when realistically, you could be single because you're just single. sigh.
July 9, 2012
Swirling Review
What is it like? That is a question that couples who have crossed the race line have been asked for decades. What is it like? For every person brave enough to ask there are maybe dozens who wonder in silence from the sidelines, standing and some times staring. Questioning. What is it like? How did those two get together? What makes that relationship work? How can it? How do they deal with.... the differences, the what ifs, the folks? What does he see in her? Why does she want a guy like that? What happens when.....the kids come....... the job finds out.....socially. What is it like?
Swirling is more of a hand book for the IRR ( Inter-racial relationship) curious as well as those currently
involved in an IRR. Broken into three parts its sixteen chapters with each able to stand alone Swirling is more reference tool than casual self help book and can be consumed in any order that suites the reader. This is helpful for those wanting fast answers to situations that they are concerned about now.
Part One deals with the current dating and marriage situation for American black women and once again goes over the fact and figures that have been in the press and written about in books. One thing the reader can take away from all this is that the dating and marriage situation for American black woman is not advantageous for her to find a suitable husband among the limited numbers of marriageable black men currently in the population. The numbers are what they are. They cannot be wished, prayed or rationalized away. For black women looking for a happy marriage and home life the interventions that they have employed to deal with this situation have achieved less that satisfactory outcomes. We all know of black women who desire marriage but are growing old alone. Who want a husband but settle for raising kids alone. In a world designed for couples black women miss out on much that life has to offer and make due. It does not have to be that way.
If your goal is marriage to a good man, a quality man, a man who shares your values and life goals then you need to change strategies from those proven to fail. You need to move past what you are doing currently, open yourself to other possibilities and try something that will improve your odds of being partnered with a man who will indeed make the commitment to love and cherish you. You need a road map. This book Swirling is that road map.
Quality men come in all shapes and shades, races and creeds. What Swirling does not do is attempt to try to convince the black woman to do something that she does not want to. If you are not attracted to non-black men, then you are not and this book will do nothing to attempt to change that. That is only fair. Each of us has the right to want what we want and that is to be respected. What Swirling will do is break through all of the false information, wives tales, stereotypes and frankly bigotry surrounding the idea of black woman's desire to date and marry a non-black man should that be her choice. For too long black women have been told lies surrounding this issue and it is long past time that these lies are exposed for what they are. Attempts to control and limit the relationship options of black women. Options that are out there in abundance, right under her nose should black women seek them out.
Swirling is the reference tool that will break through the smokescreen of misinformation that is raised when ever black women attempt to even discuss much less attempt to exercise the same options that every other women on earth has.
Part Two of the book will give those women interested in meeting non-black men the tools needed to make that happen. You will get tips and advice from women who have been there and got the tee shirt as well as from relationship experts to guide you on you journey to make your foray into the the world of Swirl successful. Want to know if the guy is interested? Are you picking up all of the non-verbal ques that non-black men send? Most black women do so check out Chapter nine which will tell you all you need to know about the art of flirting. Want suggestion of where to go for that first date so that is does not turn in to an evening of long uncomfortable pauses? Then chapter ten is a must read. What to know all about all the great stuff that happens between the sheets? Yep that is in there also. I think the misconceptions about sex has to be the number on thing that keep black women from finding a fulfilling and pleasurable relationship with a non-black man. From the beginning of the courtship process to how attentive your man is in bed the authors lay it all on the line for you.
OK. You've acted on your attraction, have talked the talk and now it is time to walk the walk. Unless your are going to hide your relationship ,which is dysfunctional to say the least, you have to go out in public sometime. How do you handle the public at large, your friends and family? What happens when you get the "stare" or over hear comments that may not be too pleasant? Relationships between Black women and non-black men, while growing, are still small in number and some people do find then unusual and may not know how to respond to them. Being prepared and knowing just how to respond markedly decreases the stress level. Swirling has your answers.
Part Three of Swirling deals with some of the harder issues regarding IRR. Questions regarding race loyalty, how you and your non-black man respond to issues having to do with race are covered as well. We are all human and we all see the world through the prism of our life experiences. How do you handle those differences and make your relationship work? For many black women dating outside of our race is uncharted territory but lucky for you there is now a guide to help you find your way. Part three of the book has all of these issues covered. From first date to walking down the aisle Swirling gives you the information you want and need in that open, honest and oft time irreverent way your BFF's would give you if they knew even a fraction of the information contained in these page.
Swirling is an easy and enjoyable read for women from their teens to middle age and even older who have an interest in taking the leap with a great guy of a race different than their own. Having been married interracial myself for ten years I can honestly say that this book gets it right and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to any woman who is interested in a relationship with a man of another race.
What is it like? That is a question that couples who have crossed the race line have been asked for decades. What is it like? For every person brave enough to ask there are maybe dozens who wonder in silence from the sidelines, standing and some times staring. Questioning. What is it like? How did those two get together? What makes that relationship work? How can it? How do they deal with.... the differences, the what ifs, the folks? What does he see in her? Why does she want a guy like that? What happens when.....the kids come....... the job finds out.....socially. What is it like?
Swirling is more of a hand book for the IRR ( Inter-racial relationship) curious as well as those currently
involved in an IRR. Broken into three parts its sixteen chapters with each able to stand alone Swirling is more reference tool than casual self help book and can be consumed in any order that suites the reader. This is helpful for those wanting fast answers to situations that they are concerned about now.
Part One deals with the current dating and marriage situation for American black women and once again goes over the fact and figures that have been in the press and written about in books. One thing the reader can take away from all this is that the dating and marriage situation for American black woman is not advantageous for her to find a suitable husband among the limited numbers of marriageable black men currently in the population. The numbers are what they are. They cannot be wished, prayed or rationalized away. For black women looking for a happy marriage and home life the interventions that they have employed to deal with this situation have achieved less that satisfactory outcomes. We all know of black women who desire marriage but are growing old alone. Who want a husband but settle for raising kids alone. In a world designed for couples black women miss out on much that life has to offer and make due. It does not have to be that way.
If your goal is marriage to a good man, a quality man, a man who shares your values and life goals then you need to change strategies from those proven to fail. You need to move past what you are doing currently, open yourself to other possibilities and try something that will improve your odds of being partnered with a man who will indeed make the commitment to love and cherish you. You need a road map. This book Swirling is that road map.
Quality men come in all shapes and shades, races and creeds. What Swirling does not do is attempt to try to convince the black woman to do something that she does not want to. If you are not attracted to non-black men, then you are not and this book will do nothing to attempt to change that. That is only fair. Each of us has the right to want what we want and that is to be respected. What Swirling will do is break through all of the false information, wives tales, stereotypes and frankly bigotry surrounding the idea of black woman's desire to date and marry a non-black man should that be her choice. For too long black women have been told lies surrounding this issue and it is long past time that these lies are exposed for what they are. Attempts to control and limit the relationship options of black women. Options that are out there in abundance, right under her nose should black women seek them out.
Swirling is the reference tool that will break through the smokescreen of misinformation that is raised when ever black women attempt to even discuss much less attempt to exercise the same options that every other women on earth has.
Part Two of the book will give those women interested in meeting non-black men the tools needed to make that happen. You will get tips and advice from women who have been there and got the tee shirt as well as from relationship experts to guide you on you journey to make your foray into the the world of Swirl successful. Want to know if the guy is interested? Are you picking up all of the non-verbal ques that non-black men send? Most black women do so check out Chapter nine which will tell you all you need to know about the art of flirting. Want suggestion of where to go for that first date so that is does not turn in to an evening of long uncomfortable pauses? Then chapter ten is a must read. What to know all about all the great stuff that happens between the sheets? Yep that is in there also. I think the misconceptions about sex has to be the number on thing that keep black women from finding a fulfilling and pleasurable relationship with a non-black man. From the beginning of the courtship process to how attentive your man is in bed the authors lay it all on the line for you.
OK. You've acted on your attraction, have talked the talk and now it is time to walk the walk. Unless your are going to hide your relationship ,which is dysfunctional to say the least, you have to go out in public sometime. How do you handle the public at large, your friends and family? What happens when you get the "stare" or over hear comments that may not be too pleasant? Relationships between Black women and non-black men, while growing, are still small in number and some people do find then unusual and may not know how to respond to them. Being prepared and knowing just how to respond markedly decreases the stress level. Swirling has your answers.
Part Three of Swirling deals with some of the harder issues regarding IRR. Questions regarding race loyalty, how you and your non-black man respond to issues having to do with race are covered as well. We are all human and we all see the world through the prism of our life experiences. How do you handle those differences and make your relationship work? For many black women dating outside of our race is uncharted territory but lucky for you there is now a guide to help you find your way. Part three of the book has all of these issues covered. From first date to walking down the aisle Swirling gives you the information you want and need in that open, honest and oft time irreverent way your BFF's would give you if they knew even a fraction of the information contained in these page.
Swirling is an easy and enjoyable read for women from their teens to middle age and even older who have an interest in taking the leap with a great guy of a race different than their own. Having been married interracial myself for ten years I can honestly say that this book gets it right and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to any woman who is interested in a relationship with a man of another race.
September 2, 2012
Now here's a gal I can relate to: Awkward moments, humiliation, heartbreak, and eventual triumph with an extra dose of humor! Christelyn takes her readers on a journey which many Black women fear to tread. Apart from the title, do not pick up "Swirling" expecting a read filled with euphemisms and other subtleties. The book is informative yet entertaining, chock full of invaluable tips designed for "real life" application!
A note to prospective Black women readers who are considering "Swirling": Circulating the bloggersphere is a parade of "Interesting Assumptions", Personal Vendettas & Derailment. Under normal circumstances, it would be unnecessary to elaborate on the motivation behind such negativity; however I will keep my explanation brief and to the point as possible. Yes...I DO want the prospective reader to actually check out those bad reviews. Just be aware that the same disingenuous parties have actively sought out "Swirling" on other book forums for the sole purpose of leaving disparaging remarks. Process this feedback with a grain of salt and purchase this book. Upon completing "Swirling" the utter foolishness and bad faith operators will be painfully apparent. It is almost comical to read the fear based reviews mired in projection, self-absorption, fallacious arguments and dissent for its own sake. Please consider the motivations behind such convoluted efforts to separate Black women from this potentially life-enhancing material. The combined efforts of Christelyn Karazin and Janice Rhoshalle Littlejohn have more than sufficiently addressed any legitimate concerns raised about Black women expanding their mating options.
Those who bypass the gatekeepers and opt to pick up a copy of "Swirling" are in for a treat!
For the Black women who have been inundated from early on with unserviceable and otherwise misleading dating advice, it's like learning to walk or ride a bicycle again. Most of us know there is a need for this genre of literature. Rational individuals will not disregard this information and continue towards a dead-end. This is why I tend to ignore the predictable howls of protest when topics involving interracial dating arise. In the five short years that I've been blogging, there has been enormous change in the mindsets of Black women. An ever-increasing number are saying "NO" to racial boundaries being imposed upon their love lives. We are on the right path!
Christelyn made an impression on me when first proposing her ideas for outreach projects such as "Beyond Black & White" & "No Wedding No Womb". Her passion and sincerity came shining through during our conversations. Christelyn's zest for life is evident and her optimism contagious. Those who converse with Christelyn regularly on her forums and in person can attest to this. Her energy motivates me to continue when public interactions become exhausting. We are opposite personality types with varying approaches to Black Women's Empowerment, but maintain one common goal: Providing Black women the necessary tools to maximize their success, happiness and quality of life!
September 20, 2012
A Definitive Primer on Swirling!
Swirling is a definitive primer on interracial dating, particularly for those women who are new to interracial dating and relationships, or even just contemplating expanding their dating options. The authors' approach is personal, light-hearted, easy to relate to, and fun. I'm especially impressed with the robust information the authors provided. This is a book I wish had been available when I first started swirling, and it's the go-to book I'm recommending to all my girlfriends who are interested in taking the plunge into the world of interracial dating. Swirling (the book and the lifestyle) ROCKS!!!
Swirling is a definitive primer on interracial dating, particularly for those women who are new to interracial dating and relationships, or even just contemplating expanding their dating options. The authors' approach is personal, light-hearted, easy to relate to, and fun. I'm especially impressed with the robust information the authors provided. This is a book I wish had been available when I first started swirling, and it's the go-to book I'm recommending to all my girlfriends who are interested in taking the plunge into the world of interracial dating. Swirling (the book and the lifestyle) ROCKS!!!
August 3, 2014
Although the advice and information in this book is not new to me, I thought it was very helpful and insightful overall. The primary target audience is African-American women, I believe it's safe to say that anyone interested in dating interracially or inter-culturally would benefit from this book. For anyone wanting more information on the subject, there's a list of blogs in the back of the book (which I'm going to check out now) and the website for this book is www.beyondblackwhite.com.
Read
July 11, 2012The book was extremely helpful for anyone considering dating outside your race. I could definitely relate to some of t
The stories in the book.
The stories in the book.
August 21, 2013
So basic it's obsolete. The men you are with will always be men first.
March 20, 2023
Book Review
"Swirling"
Christelyn Karazin/Janice Littlejohn
3/5 stars
"Not bad; mostly inapplicable (to my case) and full of significant amounts of chaff"
*******
Not really that much to be learned from this book.
When I picked it up, I didn't realize that this was specifically meant for black women. (I only found that out about 10 pages into the book.)
For black guys (or, really, any guys) there's not much here for at least two reasons:
1. No man has all of this anguish about whom to date: either you are "into" this type (or not), and life is a series of seeing how many times you can be told "no" at a certain level of women of this type before you decide that it's time to move down one tier. Also, there are certain types of women who just are not into black guys (let's say Arab women), and it just is what it is and it's not worth the a bunch of times spent emotionally anguishing.
2. In the case of black men, I've read at least one journal article that says that they don't show a preference one way or another for any type of lady. ("You turn them upside down, and they all look the same.")
Both of the authors are black women, and they also happen to have white-friendly good looks.
They went through a lot of things that we already know, which is that:
1. For educated black ladies there just are not enough black guys to go around. (All the usual suspects: Too many in the penitentiary/ too many upper income earners choose white ladies, etc.)
2. Reasonably enough, the authors come up with the obvious solution to just go and seek other markets--and being aware that one has to work on making herself available and approachable for these "alternate markets."
That is the gist of the book in those two sentences.... Repeated OVER and OVER and OVER again.
There are a few neat little factoids that are worth extracting:
1. The inter(faith)marriage rate for Muslims in the United States is 39% (p.32).
2. (p.18) A black man who earns > $100,000 per year is less likely to have ever married than a black man who earns $75,000 a year. The highest earning black men are more than twice is likely as their white counterparts never to have married. (And I have seen this: people who have too much to choose from have the "paradox of choice," and unable to make a decision because of excessive options.)
3. Left wing people do not preach what they practice (big surprise there!): of 157 white guys that were matched with black women, 40% of the voters were moderate / 28% leaned conservative / and only 17% were extreme liberals; 17% of them were NRA members.
4. Ready to fight body language signals (p.195):
a. Invasion of your personal space quickly;
b. Aggressors may fake you out and pretend to attack to gauge your response;
c. Don't link eyes with the potential assaulter. Focus on the shoulders and chest, because any attack will most likely initiate from that part of their body. Look for a shoulder to cock or a fist to double up.
5. Some things that are helpful for both guys and girls when meeting the family:
a. Gain some perspective;
b. Be the antistereotype;
c. Relax;
d. Don't go in with your boxing gloves on;
e. Come armed with lots of conversation;
f. Remember your table manners.
*******
The authors appear to be upper middle class, and a lot of their plans of action seem to be for people who have money.
Suggestion #5. (p.114) Do volunteer work. (For people who have to get paid for every hour that they work, this is kind of a luxury.)
Suggestion #14. (p.115). Whisk yourself off to Ellis house wine camp on the East end of Long Island for three night stay (Umm......)
Suggestion #41. (p.124). Live abroad for a year. (Umm......)
*******
A few things were not quite right:
1. (p.201) Interracial marriages are not a tough sell to Korean families *as long as the other partner is White*. Something like 70% of them marry interracially.
2. (p.200) Hmong people are neither Chinese nor from the mountains of China. They live in a lot of different places in Asia, including Vietnam. They seem to be the Eastern Asian analog of Gypsies. In the same way it does not make sense to say that Gypsies are from India (even though that is what they, in fact, are), it doesn't make sense to think of Hmong people as "from the mountains of China."
*******
The book was anticlimactic in that one of the authors conceded at the end of the book that she had been alone for the last 12 years and it seems like she had an occasional booty call from some attorney that she knew.
Anyway, it's like the equivalent of going to a dentist whose teeth has all rotted out of his mouth. (Or, in this case, to a dentist who had half of his teeth left.)
*******
Verdict: Not recommended for black guys. Recommended for black ladies probably at the price of about $4.
New vocabulary:
rainbeau
Cognitive valence (theory)
"Swirling"
Christelyn Karazin/Janice Littlejohn
3/5 stars
"Not bad; mostly inapplicable (to my case) and full of significant amounts of chaff"
*******
Not really that much to be learned from this book.
When I picked it up, I didn't realize that this was specifically meant for black women. (I only found that out about 10 pages into the book.)
For black guys (or, really, any guys) there's not much here for at least two reasons:
1. No man has all of this anguish about whom to date: either you are "into" this type (or not), and life is a series of seeing how many times you can be told "no" at a certain level of women of this type before you decide that it's time to move down one tier. Also, there are certain types of women who just are not into black guys (let's say Arab women), and it just is what it is and it's not worth the a bunch of times spent emotionally anguishing.
2. In the case of black men, I've read at least one journal article that says that they don't show a preference one way or another for any type of lady. ("You turn them upside down, and they all look the same.")
Both of the authors are black women, and they also happen to have white-friendly good looks.
They went through a lot of things that we already know, which is that:
1. For educated black ladies there just are not enough black guys to go around. (All the usual suspects: Too many in the penitentiary/ too many upper income earners choose white ladies, etc.)
2. Reasonably enough, the authors come up with the obvious solution to just go and seek other markets--and being aware that one has to work on making herself available and approachable for these "alternate markets."
That is the gist of the book in those two sentences.... Repeated OVER and OVER and OVER again.
There are a few neat little factoids that are worth extracting:
1. The inter(faith)marriage rate for Muslims in the United States is 39% (p.32).
2. (p.18) A black man who earns > $100,000 per year is less likely to have ever married than a black man who earns $75,000 a year. The highest earning black men are more than twice is likely as their white counterparts never to have married. (And I have seen this: people who have too much to choose from have the "paradox of choice," and unable to make a decision because of excessive options.)
3. Left wing people do not preach what they practice (big surprise there!): of 157 white guys that were matched with black women, 40% of the voters were moderate / 28% leaned conservative / and only 17% were extreme liberals; 17% of them were NRA members.
4. Ready to fight body language signals (p.195):
a. Invasion of your personal space quickly;
b. Aggressors may fake you out and pretend to attack to gauge your response;
c. Don't link eyes with the potential assaulter. Focus on the shoulders and chest, because any attack will most likely initiate from that part of their body. Look for a shoulder to cock or a fist to double up.
5. Some things that are helpful for both guys and girls when meeting the family:
a. Gain some perspective;
b. Be the antistereotype;
c. Relax;
d. Don't go in with your boxing gloves on;
e. Come armed with lots of conversation;
f. Remember your table manners.
*******
The authors appear to be upper middle class, and a lot of their plans of action seem to be for people who have money.
Suggestion #5. (p.114) Do volunteer work. (For people who have to get paid for every hour that they work, this is kind of a luxury.)
Suggestion #14. (p.115). Whisk yourself off to Ellis house wine camp on the East end of Long Island for three night stay (Umm......)
Suggestion #41. (p.124). Live abroad for a year. (Umm......)
*******
A few things were not quite right:
1. (p.201) Interracial marriages are not a tough sell to Korean families *as long as the other partner is White*. Something like 70% of them marry interracially.
2. (p.200) Hmong people are neither Chinese nor from the mountains of China. They live in a lot of different places in Asia, including Vietnam. They seem to be the Eastern Asian analog of Gypsies. In the same way it does not make sense to say that Gypsies are from India (even though that is what they, in fact, are), it doesn't make sense to think of Hmong people as "from the mountains of China."
*******
The book was anticlimactic in that one of the authors conceded at the end of the book that she had been alone for the last 12 years and it seems like she had an occasional booty call from some attorney that she knew.
Anyway, it's like the equivalent of going to a dentist whose teeth has all rotted out of his mouth. (Or, in this case, to a dentist who had half of his teeth left.)
*******
Verdict: Not recommended for black guys. Recommended for black ladies probably at the price of about $4.
New vocabulary:
rainbeau
Cognitive valence (theory)
October 7, 2020
The book was very insightful but it was a little bit of a drag, probably could have finished sooner but the past month has been very hectic for me. Wish the book had more insight on what to expect out of a interracial relationship. It did cover the basics but for some reason I expected more. Differences in religion and culture is pretty basic. I was expecting more of how the relationship or marriage would differ from same race relationships. It was quite informative and the ladies definitely did their research.
January 23, 2021
This is an intriguing self-help book for swirlers. I've noticed that many reviewers were annoyed with this book. It does have an 'in your face' and defensive vibe. But this is because this subject deserves to be defended. We are all untitled to love freely regardless of race. If you are not truly interested in dating interracially, then this not a book for you.
This book gives a healthy discussion for black women who wish to date out of their race. It's simply a choice. I wish I found this book years ago. It's worth the read.
This book gives a healthy discussion for black women who wish to date out of their race. It's simply a choice. I wish I found this book years ago. It's worth the read.
October 17, 2021
Eye-opening
This book provides important and informative conversations about interracial dating that I have never heard before. The discussions are honest and helpful, and I feel more prepared to date out after this read!
This book provides important and informative conversations about interracial dating that I have never heard before. The discussions are honest and helpful, and I feel more prepared to date out after this read!
June 21, 2017
it's interesting and helpful to the singles who are looking for interracial & swirling relationships at http://www.swirl-dating.com.
July 7, 2017
Absolutely loved this book. Some parts I didn't agree with but I recommend it to anyone that wants to get there swirl on.
June 9, 2018
This could have done with a lot more editing. Preference for Janice’s sections. The use of “rainbeau” to describe non-black love interests/partners came across as too... gimmicky/adolescent?
April 24, 2019
A World of Swirl Education Received
I literally could not put this book down. ☺ I learned about a while New world, one that is of great interest to me. Great job! Great work!
I literally could not put this book down. ☺ I learned about a while New world, one that is of great interest to me. Great job! Great work!
February 15, 2020
I liked it. It was eye opening and it's a great how to guide on what you may expect and how to handle certain situations. It reaffirmed my opinion on interracial dating. I'd recommend this
November 16, 2025
Mind Opening
This book was an easy read and quite mind opening, for it answered many of the thoughts I had about interracial dating or dating in general.
This book was an easy read and quite mind opening, for it answered many of the thoughts I had about interracial dating or dating in general.
July 30, 2012
Character over Color
The resounding message in Karazin & Littlejohn's book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed [ http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13... ] is for the readers to follow Dr. King's advise and "choose character over color - always and with every relationship you have (p229)." That quote is from the end of the book, but it resonated through the whole book, whether Christelyn is talking about whether you need permission swirl (or date outside your race - you don't) or Janice outline 52 - yes that's 52 Ways to find the date. The book is conversational and friendly, and opens the eyes of those who may have never considered crossing the color line when dating. Even for those who have there is still a wealth of information. Much of the advice is applicable for dating period but for those who are open to interracial, intercultural, inter ethnic or any other inter relationship and looking for helping getting started this is the book for you. Christelyn and Janice are like the older and/or wiser sister, friend, roommate, cousin we all wise we could turn to with our questions whether we want the picket fence and 2.3 kinds or someone to grown old with.
www.littlefoot.blogspot.com
The resounding message in Karazin & Littlejohn's book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed [ http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13... ] is for the readers to follow Dr. King's advise and "choose character over color - always and with every relationship you have (p229)." That quote is from the end of the book, but it resonated through the whole book, whether Christelyn is talking about whether you need permission swirl (or date outside your race - you don't) or Janice outline 52 - yes that's 52 Ways to find the date. The book is conversational and friendly, and opens the eyes of those who may have never considered crossing the color line when dating. Even for those who have there is still a wealth of information. Much of the advice is applicable for dating period but for those who are open to interracial, intercultural, inter ethnic or any other inter relationship and looking for helping getting started this is the book for you. Christelyn and Janice are like the older and/or wiser sister, friend, roommate, cousin we all wise we could turn to with our questions whether we want the picket fence and 2.3 kinds or someone to grown old with.
www.littlefoot.blogspot.com
October 7, 2012
Does Color Matter?
Do you see nothing wrong with a black woman dating or marrying outside her race? Personally, I don't. I say to each its own. There are plenty of us who do, YET those very same ones feel different when asked the same question about black men. I've never understood the double standard. Love isn't prejudice; people are. No one should settle just to please others. At the end of the day, you need to be happy with the person you choose.
“Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed” is a great collaboration. Provided is a breakdown of common misconceptions along with details of the authors’ personal lives. If you have contemplated interracial relationships, I would recommend this book. It's thought provoking and encourages one to base their choices on what makes them happy.
Reviewed by: Jas
Do you see nothing wrong with a black woman dating or marrying outside her race? Personally, I don't. I say to each its own. There are plenty of us who do, YET those very same ones feel different when asked the same question about black men. I've never understood the double standard. Love isn't prejudice; people are. No one should settle just to please others. At the end of the day, you need to be happy with the person you choose.
“Swirling: How to Date, Mate, and Relate Mixing Race, Culture, and Creed” is a great collaboration. Provided is a breakdown of common misconceptions along with details of the authors’ personal lives. If you have contemplated interracial relationships, I would recommend this book. It's thought provoking and encourages one to base their choices on what makes them happy.
Reviewed by: Jas
Read
August 8, 2013Very interesting
May 22, 2016
Not so much.
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