Cheat: A Man's Guide to Infidelity

by Bill Burr, Robert Kelly, Joe DeRosa

MONOGAMY HAS MET ITS MATCH


When it comes to scoring on the side, this book is your best friend.

Comedians Bill Burr, Joe DeRosa, and Robert Kelly have experienced the rich pleasures and unspeakable risks of romantic infidelity, and survived to tell their tales.

Now, they impart all the wisdom, advice, and humor they picked up along the way, including how

* Wipe away your shame and guilt—and get smart before you get hard

* Conduct your filth with the right chick, in the right place, at the right time

* Take an hour to shower and scour—and fight your worst glitter

* Explain a strange scrunchy, hair extension, or pair of earrings to your girl

* Navigate strip clubs, massage parlors, and women of the night

* Lie like a woman—and call it quits without getting caught

Featuring ten true stories from men who’ve lived the life and a link to watch Burr, DeRosa, and Kelly’s hilarious short film of the same name, Cheat is a wickedly smart field guide to philandering that will revolutionize your game.

Genres: Comedy, Humor, Nonfiction

240 pages, Paperback

First published August 14, 2012

Reviews

[Lucy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Granted, this book is for guys, but I love Bill Burr and Joe DeRosa's comedy shows. I find both of them hilarious, and have bought their comedy albums. So yeah, I'm a fan. I was really disappointed by this book. I hope it would have been more amusing, but it's not. I guess I'll ask my husband to read it and get his verdict, then we'll see if I'm biased.

[Aaron · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm a huge fan of Bill Burr. And while his humor and style are often pushing it, there's something about him that seems like deep down he's a decent guys, albeit with some personality defects. Specifically his temper and relating to women. But that's called coming from New England, so there you go. As you would expect from that, this book isn't going to be for everyone. But by the very title it's a book about infidelity, so you knew what you were getting into.

Actually it is and it isn't. There are a few passages that are specifically about cheating and not getting caught, but most of the book is about illicit or just plain unhealthy sex of all kinds. Well, I say unhealthy, but I guess that's really up to you to decide. A lot of it is about how to pick up hookers, the difference between a brothel and a whorehouse, how to pick a girl who is a good fit for you (in this context for the sake of cheating, but it follows the same basic lines for any sane man whose intelligence hasn't been vetoed by his dick), and a understanding what kind of 'cheater' you are in terms of what's motivating you (sheer impulse and opportunity, the thrill of it, to get some romance back after being stuck in a dead relationship, etc.). That last example is about as clear cut as it gets in my professional field of counseling: "what are you doing and why are you doing it?" But once you get past all the cliches and (surprisingly!) dry humor, you get a basic manual on dating women. They threw in a handful of anecdotes, which I thought were actually pretty funny, interesting and informative. But other than that, it's basically as close as it gets to a "dating for guys" book, except it's aimed at guys who already have girls.

I guess that was the big idea. Bill Burr said himself that the idea for this grew out of a short film the authors shot together (and I think they say that in the book too), so I'm guessing this was one of those things that sounded better while brainstorming than while writing. And once they got far enough in, what the hell, why not just write it and put it out there? So I haven't yet ventured out to "Joey Roses" or Bobby Kelly territory to see how this holds up, but as a Bill Burr fan I have to call this passable. There ya go, all day. All day! Okay, Aaron, Jesus, we get it. Anyways, it's worth a quick read but you're gonna have to wait until Monday Morning if you want the real thing.

[Alice Liu · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love an honest man, and you don’t get any more honest than Burr, DeRosa, and Kelly do in Cheat: “Do you wanna get your dick wet or not? Then stop being a pussy.” A lot of thought and accumulated penile wisdom went into this fascinatingly well-researched guide on how to cheat without getting caught. The authors delve into the science behind cheating, point to historical role models, and even offer psychological advice on dealing with the guilt. The crux of their argument centers on the fact that the penis is stupid and becomes a dangerous weapon if you listen to it. They cover all the bases of the how, why, where, and to whom. They even go so far as to profile the different kinds of cheaters, acknowledging different needs and approaches. What made me laugh most was the advice on what to do if you find your woman cheating on you. First, many women cheat with the intention of getting caught because nothing is funnier than a mad dick. Second, cheating is the one area in life where women are statistically catching up to men, and I’d wager that a book called Cheat: A Woman’s Guide to Infidelity would outsell the male version because penises don’t read. Overall, Cheat offers unfaithful men sound but ultimately irrelevant knowledge because, gentlemen, a woman always knows.

[Ivan Arena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Obviously funny and obviously handy.

[Kevin Dean Gander · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Bill Burr’s comedy and went into this book expecting humor. Maybe I missed the point? Maybe the book was written in a way that was meant to be tongue in cheek? Either way, I didn’t like it. Didn’t even finish it. Gave it two stars out of respect for the author. In it’s defense, the book absolutely reflects the title. To be clear, it isn’t as if I am riding some moral high horse. It was more like taking the spurs to my emotional intelligence.

[Celeste Thayer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a woman, reading this book because it's 1) nonfiction (my favorite) and 2) funny (also a fav, though not always my top choice). (also 3) it was free from a pile of free books! Sorry authors, no royalty for you this time, but yay free.) This is very focused on heterosexual men cheating on their wives or committed girlfriends, though they flex a bit toward even just hetero men f-ing around on everyone. However, the advice would probably work in 75% of the cases for gay men, as well. The authors assume that women are evil geniuses who never get caught cheating, so ladies might not need to read this, presumably?

Depending on how you approach this book, it's wildly funny. For example, I learned a lot of pejoratives for vagina. NOW! If you're a woman or a sensitive man reading this book, the entire premise will piss you off. Seeing as my main takeaway was new pejoratives for vaginas (and therefore, women - in this book a woman is generally either a vagina or a "good" girl that you want to marry) you may want to choose to not read this book.

I think this book is a good reflection of how society is massively f-ed up when it comes to gender roles. I learned how to lie convincingly when I cheat, and I even learned how to visit the Bunny Ranch and hide it from my wife! If these aren't skills you think you need, again, you may want to choose to NOT read this book.

Anyhow, if you're a woman looking for a blood-boiling laugh fest where you alternately love and hate the authors, go for it. If you're a man, well, regardless of if you read this for the tips or read it for the laughs, be sure your lady- (or man-)friend won't get pissed at you for reading this. One thing the book, surprisingly, didn't remind you to do is throw the book away after reading it! Come on guys, you know better...

[Jon · Rating 2 out of 5]

First off, the only reason I read this book was because of Bill Bur. I love his "Monday Morning Podcast". That said, the first hand stories of infidelity by bis friends were fascinating. The filler in between was meh. I will be the first to admit that misogyny can be hilarious with a healthy dose of irony, but this was sadly un-ironic at times. It would have been nice to have a few tales of "male" thinking women telling there stories as well.

[Jonathan Maas · Rating 5 out of 5]

A tale of humor which no one should ever follow

Ever. This is not even Niccolò Machiavelli's The Prince, which had some upside of ruling something at least.

There is no end in infidelity - even in the examples they give. Every single instance ends in eesh.

But

It is hilarious. This is not a guidebook, nor is it really meant to be. It's a group of the world's top comedians being hilarious, and it is.

So I recommend it, but be warned - read it, laugh at it, but do not follow it at all.

[Philip · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title is just as it is says, and the content is just as unflinching, vulgar, and rude as you might as expect. But aside from being the ultimate and essential guide to pure evil against your significant other, Cheat also serves as a cautionary tale: you can, but since the process of actually covering your tracks and getting away with it requires such strenuous effort, you might as well be a good boy and cast aside the mere thought altogether.

[robert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely a book for men. And I am a big fan of Bill Burr. Women should avoid except to get steamed up. Sexist and misogynistic to the 10th degree. And funny! Most of the time. Surprisingly even informative if you are looking for a hooker or brothel. Very tongue-in-cheek. I'm definitely not a proponent of cheating, but if you really want to cheat, this is actually a pretty good guide. I gave it 4 stars because it was just not as funny as I had expected.

[Paige Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

The last ch. is the best story that surprisingly comes from Opie: revenge on an ex that sends evidence of her affair as a bragging voicemail

[Imari · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly amusing and entertaining but not very credible.

[Mary Karpel-Jergic · Rating 3 out of 5]

I advise any woman who is considering having sex with a married man to read this book. If she reads it and continues with the idea then she deserves all she's got coming to her.

I know this was meant to be funny and perhaps written for men but I reckon there's a few home truths in here. Infidelity is not presented as an honourable activity and it is presented with the consequences in mind: "Think about it: you're on the verge of doing something that could destroy not only your life, but also the lives of those around you".

Focussing on not getting caught they do ask the scumbag (their term not mine) "Why am I cheating? Why do I want to bang this other woman? Why is the desire to have some strange lady touch my prick overtaking my life?"

[Ebony · Rating 2 out of 5]

Cheat: A Man’s Guide to Infidelity is exactly that. Even thought the trio of comedic writers walk through all the steps, I honestly don’t believe they are horrible misogynists that hate women. I believe they are men who like sex outside of their relationships and don’t want to hurt the women that they care about/love by being caught up in some messy/dangerous/unhealthy situation. Sure, most of the book is tongue in cheek bro code, but if you’re determined to cheat and no one can talk you out of it, at least do it in the most respectful manner possible.

[Lauren Guzman · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have never hated a book more. The subject matter excluded, it just sounded like two dudes trying to be funny and failing horribly. I'm not easily offended and that's not why I hated the book. To me, it just seemed like the jokes fell flat and THAT offends me. Seriously, save yourself some time and never read this.

[Orlando Martinez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just hilarious

[Melanie Stein · Rating 5 out of 5]

If by some far out chance reincarnation is real, and when I die I come back as a man, I'll be a damn good cheater!

[Susie (DFWSusie) · Rating 1 out of 5]

I kept waiting for this to be funny. I'm still waiting.

[Sara Robertson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious, insightful, raunchy and digusting. Made me laugh outloud.

[Hugo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bill Burr is one of the writers and it shows.
Funny...and I guess informative if you want to go down that path.