The Happiness of Blond People: A Personal Meditation on the Dangers of Identity

by Elif Shafak

Penguin Specials are designed to fill a gap. Written to be read over a long commute or a short journey, they are original and exclusively in digital form. This is Elif Shafak's examination of national identity.

"You know, I never understand. How come their children are so quiet and well disciplined?"

"Yeah," said the distressed father, his voice suddenly softer. "Blond children never cry, do they?"

As Elif Shafak stands in line at the airport, she overhears a Turkish father expressing to a friend his bewilderment at the cultural differences he's experienced since immigrating to northern Europe. Is it true, she wonders, that the citizens of these countries are genuinely happier? Why do people leave their homes for other countries? And what lessons can we all learn, for the creation of truly harmonious societies, from the experiences of immigrants?

In the light of the recent backlash against multiculturalism and the influx of millions of Muslims into Europe from the east, this powerful and personal essay uses the lived experience of immigrants to examine this most hotly debated subject.

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Ebooks, Religion, Turkish, Politics, Contemporary

28 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 1, 2011

About the author

Elif Shafak is an award-winning British-Turkish novelist and the most widely read female author in Turkey. She writes in both Turkish and English, and has published seventeen books, eleven of which are novels. Her work has been translated into fifty languages. Shafak holds a PhD in political science and she has taught at various universities in Turkey, the US and the UK, including St Anne's College, Oxford University, where she is an honorary fellow. She is a member of Weforum Global Agenda Council on Creative Economy and a founding member of ECFR (European Council on Foreign Relations). An advocate for women's rights, LGBT rights and freedom of speech, Shafak is an inspiring public speaker and twice a TED Global speaker, each time receiving a standing ovation. Shafak contributes to major publications around the world and she has been awarded the title of Chevalier des Arts et des Lettres. In 2017 she was chosen by Politico as one of the twelve people who would make the world better. She has judged numerous literary prizes and is chairing the Wellcome Prize 2019. www.elifshafak.com

Reviews

[Brown Girl Reading · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first discovered Elif Shafak when I read The Bastard of Istanbul some years ago with my book club. Excellent book! Shafak is a very poignant and insightful writer. In this essay she focuses on immigration and what that often entails. It begins with her eavesdropping on two Turkish men exchanging about the subject of his Dutch neighbor that calls the police everytime his children make noise. The disturbing thing is that they actually come to his house. The man says, "Blond children never cry to, do they?" From there Shafak explores difference and what she calls angst, how it is effecting the climate all over the world, but particularly in Europe. The difference she's talking about is between Muslims and non-Muslims. She does quite a good analysis of the situation and uses her family situation as an example among others. She even gives examples of how things could be improved from a political standpoint but also from a societal one too. I encourage you to pick it up it is a breath of fresh air on this controversial subject. IT is a must read and extremely well written.

[Mayar Mahdy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the first book I read in English written by Elif Shafak. I've read almost everything she's written, was fascinated by Black Milk and Disappointed by The Three Daughters of Eve.

The woman herself is quite the character, her life is so interesting she could be a great protagonist in a novel. Reading about her life is a reminder of how dull mine is.

I couldn't figure out where she stands in the debate about Muslims in Europe. She does acknowledge the existence of the problem but doesn't say much about her experience with it.

As a middle eastern Arabic person I know Turkey isn't 100% Arabic, and Arabs don't see Turks as related to them. But I guess from a further view Turkey is an Islamic country and Turks are middle eastern people. They get the same heat Arabs do.

I traveled only once so far in my life, spent 10 years in Saudi Arabia where I was a subject to Xenophobia as a child until I went to an all-Egyptian school and cut my ties with Saudis. I didn't get why girls at school hated me, we spoke -almost- the same language, had the same religion, and looked similar to each other. I remember once when a girl told my teacher that Egypt is the one attacking Palestine and that I got so angry and started crying after no one believed me when I said it wasn't true. I had a terrible experience in my school and still carry no warmth to Saudi Arabia now, but I'm hoping this taught me to accept anyone no matter our differences.

I still live in a very not-so-diverse country, but whenever I see someone get treated badly I try to speak up, and try to act like a good person would. I do hope that I get treated better if I ever traveled somewhere again. And I hope the wold becomes a slightly better place before I die.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read two novels by Elif Shafak and enjoy her work immensely. She is a writer who defies labels and I don't know it is even correct to refer to her as Turkish, she is the epitome of a world citizen, at home in many different cities, countries and both speaks and writes in multiple languages.

In this essay she draws on both her observations and her studies, quoting many known philosophers and sharing her perceptions of the angst of immigrants, of multiculturalism and suggests in this age of migrations, movements and shared experiences, it is time to discard "identity politics" altogether.

My contention is one can have several homes, instead of a single, fixed homeland. One can belong to numerous cities and cultures and peoples, regardless of the way current politics situates them apart.

The author also shares some wonderful anecdotes of growing up and in particular the stories and superstitions shared by her Grandmother, including her belief that the reason her grand-daughter seemed never to "settle down" was because she had shared her rice pudding with a gypsy girl rummaging in a rubbish bin in front of their house, generating a kind of jinx that passed something of Shafak's life to the girl and the gypsy girl's to her.

A wonderful and thought provoking essay in the Penguin Shorts series, this was the perfect introduction to her new novel Honour which I look forward to reading soon. Read my full review here at Word by Word.

[Drashya · Rating 2 out of 5]

Shafak's beautiful writing makes this essay a page-turner of sorts (even though there's not a lot of pages to turn). However, the essay fell short on my expectations from it. My unusually high excitement from it might be partly to blame. For one, the title is really misleading. The major chunk of the text talks about Shafak's experiences growing up in Turkey and Western Europe/USA and raising kids on her internationally mobile lifestyle, and how her Muslim background clashes/assimilates with the "Western" part of her life. The book's first page that starts with a Turkish immigrant to the Netherlands complaining about his unaccommodating "blond" neighbour, fits more to the title than the rest of its 63-odd pages. So, I couldn't help feeling a bit betrayed when that quickly turns to Shafak's autobiography of sorts, conveniently taking the "white majority" or "blond people" out of the equation.

Another thing that consistently irked me throughout the reading is Shafak's euro-centricism (with Turkey included in this scenario). The author frequently compares '"East" with the "West" to make her arguments, but rarely (if ever) does her definition of the East cross the borders of Turkey. Her ignorance towards the vibrant cultures of China, Japan, south-eastern and south Asian cultures was borderline offensive. East vs. West, according to the author seems to only mean Muslims vs. the Whites. And although I don't have an issue with this narrative considering that most of the work was derived from her personal experiences, it was a bit unjustified for her to generalise the Turkish and Jordanian cultures to the whole of the "East", to mention the struggles of immigrants in adjusting to their Western havens but conveniently leave people beyond the Middle East out of the conversation altogether.

And after all of this, I didn't find the book to be the least bit thought provoking, which was the biggest disappointment of all.

[Naddy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unexpectedly good, Elif never failed to amaze me

“ Democracy true, robust democracy worthy of the name, does not depend solely on political parties, politicians and parliaments. Nor does it draw only upon institutional checks and balances. More fundamentally, it needs people who have faith in democracy, citizens who trust that their opinions matter and who, together with others, are willing to contribute to a better future. A harmonious political public space is a prerequisite to the survival of democracy, given the challenges of our times”


“My contention is one can have several homes, instead of a single, fixed homeland. One can belong to numerous cities and cultures and peoples, regardless of the way current politics situates them apart. In an age of migrations and movements, when many of us already dream in more than one language, it is time to discard ‘identity politics’ altogether. It is no longer doing us any good. All it does is to create further antagonism and deeper Angst. Instead, what we need are ‘liquid attachments’ – bonds of love and memory and commitment that are constantly in flux, defined and redefined ad infinitum.”

[Lela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written piece contrasting some of all of our assumptions about those not like us. Clear and concise and loaded with truth.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would recommend this to anyone thinking of changing countries or already living in a country different from the one he was born in. It's a heartfelt, but well-documented essay on identity and our roots and how having more than one home enriches our lives despite the anxiety that brings with it.

"The one who leaves his or her homeland for good is often stalked by mixed emotions of guilt, longing, confusion, anticipation and insecurity, some or all of which can spring up from out of nowhere, for no reason at all."

"Both daring and timid, both actor and audience in a theater of dizzying change, the immigrant is a fragmented being who carries ghosts of his past wherever he goes."

[Omar · Rating 5 out of 5]

It goes without mention that Elif Shafak is a gem and a gift to all readers. It is rare to find a writer who can lace the gaps between Eastern and Western thought with such finesse.

As she states in the novella, multiculturalism is something that will be the story of our lives. Something that is unstoppable and ever present in the public space. How we approach this phenomenon is will determine how beautiful and peaceful the world of our future generations will be.

Thought provoking, stimulating and essential reading to understand how we can stem the clashes of culture in our world today.

[Debbie "DJ" · Rating 5 out of 5]

It would be wonderful if everyone could read this short book. It is beautifully written and really helped me to take a hard look at how I view "others." So often things are seen in black or white or as stagnant, when in reality we are fluid and interconnected in a multitude of ways.

[Elif · Rating 5 out of 5]

Flawless essay. I could relate to it on so many levels as a child of immigrants myself. Totally recommend it, it's smart, it's true and it makes you think (and highlight almost every sentence). Great!

[Teynidhi Ramsewak · Rating 5 out of 5]

“…We tend to form comfort zones based on similarity, and then produce macro- opinions and clichés about ‘Others’, whom, in fact, we know so little about. When people stop talking, genuinely talking, to each other, they become more prone to making judgements."
Everyone should read this once. I feel that would hammer home some semblance of sense and shed light on the utter irrationality behind wars being fought and xenophobia.

[Stef · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short book with beautifully written about identity as foreign immigration. From read this essay, I know how struggle and opinion of migration person in their foreign country.

"After all, the happiness of blond people and the happiness of dark-haired people are interwined, not separate."

[Gutly Yegendurdyyev · Rating 3 out of 5]

The essay is easy to read, well-written, and almost convincing! However, I don't quite agree with the author's claim that identity is inherently "dangerous." I can understand the author's perspective, though. Perhaps everyone could relate to her experiences if they had lived through the memories she recounts in the book.

Living abroad is undeniably challenging. Identity can certainly play a role, but the difficulty often stems from being an outsider when you arrive in a new land. Just as we might be suspicious of foreigners coming to our home, it's natural for them to feel the same way about us. This isn't necessarily about politics; it's rooted in our shared human history. The Huns, Carthaginians, and Vandals who arrived in Rome disrupted the Roman way of life, endangering and killing Roman citizens. Similarly, the Romans themselves weren't welcomed with open arms in the places they conquered, but rather met with fear. So, perhaps it's our history that makes us see foreigners as potential threats.

This sentiment still seems to hold true in Europe, where nation-states are the norm. Integration might be smoother in immigrant countries like the United States. The author also references Amin Maalouf's book "On Identity," which I read a few years ago. Honestly, I wasn't entirely convinced by Maalouf's arguments either. Reality is more complex.

Of course, both authors envision a utopian future of peace. While that might be unlikely, I welcome any efforts towards a more peaceful world.

[Sandra]

The image of "tuba tree" with its roots turned upside-down will stay with me as the most emblematic image of what immigration truly feels like.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommended: very short. A political and social conversation about Muslims in western countries and the social dilemma of fitting in different cultures.
And no, there is no Arabic translation available. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Roozbeh Daneshvar · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book is a very good resource for people who have immigrated, as well as those who did not. I have had plenty of discussions with fellow immigrants and those who stayed in the "home" country. Did we, immigrants, betray the country and the people by leaving? But did we even really leave our country and our people? Now that we immigrants are outside, do we have the right to criticize our first country? (or is criticizing merely the right of those who stayed, as some of my friends believe?)

I have had trouble to put into words how I can be happy where I live now, while I still care about my home country. I could not really state how I can care about people of other nations without the constant need to give more priority to the people of one country rather than another.

The author wrote:

My contention is one can have several homes, instead of a single, fixed homeland. One can belong to numerous cities and cultures and peoples, regardless of the way current politics situates them apart.

and even Edward Said has stated

'The more one is able to leave one's cultural home, the more easily is one able to judge it, and the whole world as well, with the spiritual detachment and generosity necessary for true vision.'

So, would there be a problem if the boundaries between the two countries fade? Not really... you can have roots in both (opposite of some people's beliefs):

One can even feel Western in the East but Eastern in the West ... There are many people like this and there will be many more in the century to come.

and more in support of flexible identities:

In a system where human beings are confined to one solid and stable identity, as opposed to having open-ended multiple connections, it will be harder to find a common ground that will keep them together.

and how extreme it is to make people choose between one or the other rigid identity:

All kinds of extremist, exclusivist discourses are similarly reductionist and sheathed in tautology. Either/or approaches ask us to make a choice, all the while spreading the fallacy that it is not possible to have multiple belongings, multiple roots, multiple loves.

On the reasons behind immigration, she opened a new (and usually undermined) aspect:

Yet, paradoxically, a reduction of anxiety is surely one of the reasons why people relocate. They move to other lands not simply for the sake of money, jobs, education or freedom. Behind their willingness to pull up stakes may simply be the wish to be happy.

She well criticized the politicizing of identity:

In an age of migrations and movements, when many of us already dream in more than one language, it is time to discard 'identity politics' altogether.

and she wrote about how it is important to have conversation with "other" people and not to limit ourselves to the circle of like-minded people:

Among the rich and the poor, liberals and conservatives, East and West ... We tend to form comfort zones based on similarity, and then produce macro- opinions and clichés about 'Others', whom, in fact, we know so little about.

and how dangerous it is to not talk:

When people stop talking, genuinely talking, to each other, they become more prone to making judgements.

and how our fear feeds itself:

And on and on we wallow in this quagmire without ever realizing how our own fears serve to buttress the very things of which we are afraid.

I really liked and could relate to what she said about democracy, and that how it should have a deeper root than the political system:

Democracy, a true, robust democracy worthy of the name, does not depend solely on political parties, politicians and parliaments. Nor does it draw only upon institutional checks and balances. More fundamentally, it needs people who have faith in democracy, citizens who trust that their opinions matter and who, together with others, are willing to contribute to a better future.

This book was more of a long article, rather than a book. I think although short, it was not a quick read, as it required a lot of pauses to think about the message and reflect. It was eye-opening for me.

[Aditya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Terse, yet profound. Elif Shafak is someone whose brain I would love to inhabit temporarily. Such an original, interesting perspective she has.

I wish she would attempt something similar to what Arundhati Roy has attempted to, with the non fiction part of her ouevre. I for one, would love to read something like that from Shafak.

[victoria marie]

Novels helped me to discover other lives, other possibilities. They gave me a sense of continuity, centre and coherence in life—the three big C's that I otherwise lacked. (13)

*

In Sufi philosophy there is a legendary tree named Tuba. It's like any other tree, except it is upside down. Evergreen and ever bearing, its roots are up in the air, extending towards the vast, blue sky. I like that image. I find it comforting. It helps me to envisage the possibility that one can have roots without actually putting down roots anywhere. (15)

[Nicole Miles · Rating 5 out of 5]

What started with an unassuming anecdote quickly blossoms into a short but worthwhile (and, for me, relatable) meditation on belonging, angst, multiculturalism, and social harmony. I'm curious to read more from Elif Shafak.

[Zehra · Rating 5 out of 5]

She says exactly what I think but far more eloquently. It takes an hour to read - read it!

[Shasenem · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful short story by one of my favourite authors. Strongly recommend to EVERYONE, but ESPECIALLY, people who don’t have much exposure to people from different cultures; those who struggle to understand and sympathise with immigration, and those who like the black and white way of thinking. I see you, I feel you, but I do not understand you. It will not take you more than 30-40 minutes to finish this one, as it’s only 26 pages long, but you will for sure feel like Shafak is speaking to you directly (maybe that’s because I also, just like Shafak, never felt completely belonging to anywhere I ever lived, but at the same time they all felt like home to me🤷🏼‍♀️). Here is my favourite quote (even though I literally highlighted almost everything in my ebook copy):

“In this life, if we are ever going to learn anything, we will be learning it from those who are different from us. It is in the crossroads of ideas, cultures, literatures, traditions, arts and cuisines that humanity has found fertile grounds for growth”

[Lu · Rating 3 out of 5]

This started as an extremely interesting essay of the diferente cultural perfections of happiness across the globe. But then it slowly lost its appeal. I found the argumentation between angst and Muslims in Europe a bit strained. Besides; sometimes the essay lost the point, especially when discussing the role of writers.

Overall, however, I quite enjoyed it. Some reflections are really on point (especially the ones coming from Shafak’s grandmother about the need to avoid looking in your reflection) and it is undeniable that Shafak writes beautifully.

[Razan · Rating 5 out of 5]

'The Happiness of Blond People' is everything I hoped 'How to Stay Sane in an Age of Division' would be & more. A compelling case for multiculturalism, dialogue and optimism, Elif urges everyone to step outside their comfort zones and engage with people of different backgrounds. The goal is to establish common ground, build empathy and enrich our understanding of marginalised communities. This can result in better integrated societies and less cultural division. "In this life, if we are ever going to learn anything, [it will be] from those who are different from us." ♡

[Michael-Ann Cerniglia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an essay that explains why I love Shafak so much. She hits the point about the value of nuance poignantly —but not as delicately and beautifully as she does in her fiction which is much more subtle and impactful.

[Jo · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting short reflection on the need to leave behind fixed cultural identities and stand with an open heart on the thresholds between us and others.

"All kinds of extremist, exclusivist discourses are similarly reductionist and sheathed in tautology. Either/ or approaches ask us to make a choice, all the while spreading the fallacy that it is not possible to have multiple belongings, multiple roots, multiple loves."

"People on the cusp of civilizations, natural-born commuters, connecting places and cultures and traditions, striving to overcome the prejudices on all sides, ferrying memories from one shore to the other. You can be a European with Eastern elements in your past and in your personality, for East and West cease to be mutually exclusive categories as soon as we stop regarding them as oil and water."

"Little by little, I came to learn how national personas were constructed, propagated, internalized. Those who inhabited Storyland belonged to a place that was free-flowing and flexible and open-ended; a collective identity, however, required solidness and precision and immutability. It also demanded some degree of exclusion, for, by definition, it was contingent on the distinction between ‘us’ and ‘them’. Stories were composed of running water, while identities were of solid earth. They required roots. Yet my roots were up in the air. In Sufi philosophy there is a legendary tree named Tuba. It’s like any other tree, except it is upside down. Evergreen and ever bearing, its roots are up in the air, extending towards the vast, blue sky. I like that image. I find it comforting. It helps me to envisage the possibility that one can have roots without actually putting down roots anywhere."

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

"In this life, if we are ever going to learn anything, we will be learning it from those who are different from us. It is in the crossroads of ideas, cultures, literatures, traditions, arts and cuisines that humanity has found fertile grounds for growth."

Elif Shafak's work has been recommended to me, and I thought I would start with this short essay on identity that's very personal to her. Well, I'm happy I did because I can relate to her experience of growing up in different countries.

She acknowledge that immigration brings heightened angst to the immigrants moving in and to the people who have to welcome them as new neighbours. However, she believe that "though as human being we cannot entirely rid ourselves of our existential Angst we can stop making it our primary guide in our relations with one another.

She passionately argues in favour of cosmopolitanism defined as encounters with different species, and the fellowship that ensues.

In short, she believes that a harmonious multicultural society is not impossible.

[Neesa · Rating 2 out of 5]

As much as I love Elif Shafak's novels, her rich language and the diversity of the themes she covers, this essay fell short of my expectations.
First, the title is quite misleading. I expected comparison between East and West's happiness, how they identify it, how they live it, how they differ. But it was rather a dive into the world of daily life of a Turkish immigrant to the west, author's memories of her childhood and a bit of political discussion about the image of Muslim in Europe.
Second, somehow the whole East was represented only by Muslim community and majorly Turkish. But the world of East is much richer if this essay was aiming at comparing the East and West.
I think if the title of the essay was different, like Life of a Turkish Immigrant, Thoughts on Muslim culture or something of that sort, it would set better expectation of what this essay is to deliver to the reader.

[Omar Taufik · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to admit I really enjoyed reading this very short but wonderful book by our author Elif Şafak.
The author discusses various issues related to the topic of Muslim immigrants to Europe and the culture of multi ethnic / religious existence in modern societies.
She also gives us some interesting details about her personal bringing up and life as a relevant example to the topic.
The author also explores the political aspect of the topic discussing what should be done on the hand of politicians in order to arrive with real democracy, and what the different society components must do for the benefit of their societies.

I would like to thank our author Elif Şafak for the great insight she passed on in this short but very useful book.

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this beautifully written personal essay, Elif shares her thoughts, realisations and observations she has experienced in regards to multiculturalism and the nervous reactions which have resulted throughout the world. I enjoyed this because even though I am very open minded, it allowed me to step back and reflect on the way I view others. The book reinforces the value of kindness and encourages the reader to view the bigger picture of a person's journey. I would recommend to read this book (takes about an hour); for me it was a taster of Elif's writing which I am now definitely going to read more of!

[The Logophile Wanderess · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an immigrant and a person who is fluent in two languages and can never really tell which one is her first language, somebody who is never fully at home anywhere, reading this gave me so much comfort and an insight into my own experience!
I would want to read it again and again and again...
I might also update my review! This vehement note is after I’ve read it once and the ideas made me so excited that I lost the power of deep contemplation! I just loved each and every sentence and the way they flowed... I could feel the knots in my head loosening up.