What do you think?
Rate this book
Have a Nice Conflict: How to Find Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places
How to successfully navigate and prevent conflict From the publishers of the popular Strength Deployment Inventory, Have a Nice Conflict follows one man's fight to rescue his sinking career. Sales manager John Doyle would consider his career a success―he's his company's top revenue driver, and his take-charge attitude gets the job done. However, when he is passed over for promotion―again―after losing two direct reports, who cite his abrasive style as their reason for leaving, John is forced to reassess how he approaches his relationships. With the help of Mac, an expert in the art of Relationship Awareness Theory, John learns the three stages of conflict, and how he reacts in each. Once John recognizes his own values and trigger points, as well those of other people, he becomes able to better navigate terse situations, express his points in a way that resonates for other people, and even avoid conflict altogether. Equipped with this new understanding of how other people interpret and react to conflict, John soon finds all the relationships in his life―both at work and at home―improving. Anyone can profit from the tools in this book to understand and take control over conflict.
240 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2011
26 people are currently reading
201 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews
December 6, 2022
„The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people. - Theodore Roosevelt.”
I had the privilege of participating in Dr. Patterson’s workshop on personality types, motivation, and conflict management the other week. The Strength Deployment Inventory framework he developed and presented is a very comprehensive tool that helps identify people’s needs, values, and communication styles which leads to better cooperation, work satisfaction, and potential conflict mitigation and resolution.
It is difficult to explain such a multifaceted framework in an accessible way. Weaving it into the story makes it read like a well-written novel, which I really enjoyed. This helps facilitate a deeper understanding of all the possible angles and iterations of the SDI. It’s not surprising it is written this way, as Dr. Patterson also specializes in andragogy and knows how to effectively educate adults.
I recommend this book to anyone working with people, so basically everyone, maybe apart from hermits. It is a great read that helps one understand oneself and oneself in relation to others. It also provides a dynamic view of the transition of entering a conflict situation and helps one navigate these very turbulent waters.
After reading this book “you start to see people not by what they do on the outside but by what you know is important to them. By what you know gives them their own self-worth. People are most effective when they choose a strength that enhances the self-worth of others while helping them achieve their own goals - their own self-worth.”
I had the privilege of participating in Dr. Patterson’s workshop on personality types, motivation, and conflict management the other week. The Strength Deployment Inventory framework he developed and presented is a very comprehensive tool that helps identify people’s needs, values, and communication styles which leads to better cooperation, work satisfaction, and potential conflict mitigation and resolution.
It is difficult to explain such a multifaceted framework in an accessible way. Weaving it into the story makes it read like a well-written novel, which I really enjoyed. This helps facilitate a deeper understanding of all the possible angles and iterations of the SDI. It’s not surprising it is written this way, as Dr. Patterson also specializes in andragogy and knows how to effectively educate adults.
I recommend this book to anyone working with people, so basically everyone, maybe apart from hermits. It is a great read that helps one understand oneself and oneself in relation to others. It also provides a dynamic view of the transition of entering a conflict situation and helps one navigate these very turbulent waters.
After reading this book “you start to see people not by what they do on the outside but by what you know is important to them. By what you know gives them their own self-worth. People are most effective when they choose a strength that enhances the self-worth of others while helping them achieve their own goals - their own self-worth.”
May 2, 2013
Have a Nice Conflict: How to Find Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places by Tim Scudder, Michael Patterson, Kent Mitchell
“Have a Nice Conflict” is the disappointing book that uses a fictitious story to illustrate the Relationship Awareness Theory. The theory was founded by Elias H. Porter, Ph.D. (1914 – 1987) an influential psychologist who also developed the Strength Development Theory (SDI) along with other tools. I’m disappointed with the authors’ decision to base this book solely on a fictitious and corny story instead of a case study comprehensive approach particularly considering the long and diverse list of organizations that have used the SDI. I found the book’s website to be much more interesting and of substance. This disappointing 240-page book is composed of ten unnamed chapters.
Positives:
1. An engaging brief story that applies the Relationship Awareness Theory. The story is well written and very easy to get through.
2. The story shows a progressive application of the elements of the theory correlating with the main character’s understanding of it.
3. Simplicity.
4. Provides principles of managing conflict in the workplace and at home.
5. The emphasis on understanding people and their motivations. “The key is trying to identify why people do what they do. The challenge is that most of what we have to go on involves watching what they do. We can see their behavior, but it's more worthwhile to understand their reason for using the behavior—their intent or motivation.”
6. Understanding the value of self-worth. “People are most effective when they choose a strength that enhances the self-worth of others while helping them achieve their own goals—their own self-worth.”
7. The difference between opposition and conflict. “When people have different ideas about how to handle an issue, I call these disagreements opposition rather than conflict. Opposition is often part of a healthy debate that leads us to better ideas.”
8. Understanding triggers of conflict. “When people have different ideas about how to handle an issue, I call these disagreements opposition rather than conflict. Opposition is often part of a healthy debate that leads us to better ideas.”
9. Understanding the color-coded Motivational Value Systems. “But a motivational value system is a pattern of motives, and every person has some of every color.” “Recognizing a person's motivational value system is a fine art. We can start by looking for one of the seven types, but as we learn more, we can fine-tune our understanding to notice when people are on the border between two types.”
10. The five keys to having a nice conflict: anticipate, prevent, identify, manage, and resolve.
11. The appendix provides a character assessment results using SDI.
12. An invaluable link that provides the substance of the story: www.HaveaNiceConflict.com.
Negatives:
1. The authors wasted an opportunity for a great book. I was hoping for a case study intensive book backed by great scientific research applied to the many diverse companies that have applied SDI. A great book would have been having the courage to provided examples of not only the successes but the failures in applying the techniques. I’m really disappointed.
2. The truth is stranger than fiction, then why go with a fictional tale?
3. Even with a story, the authors missed out on an opportunity to weave in real-life case studies. In their 40-year history, the SDI has been integrated into the training of over 5,000 companies! Why not immerse examples into the story. I would have preferred an entirely non-fictional account but at least by providing real-life examples it would have added value to the book.
4. The story felt contrived and even condescending. I know what a Tyrannosaurus is for crying out loud.
5. Where are the interesting facts? The anecdotes?
6. Where’s the science? The research that back up the notion that this is a sound approach to conflicts?
7. No links to notes, no formal bibliography.
In summary, I’m really disappointed in this book because it missed an opportunity to be great. The authors had so much “real” material to work with but decided to go the fictional account to the dismay of this reviewer. I’m certain that some companies may have been reluctant to share their stories or their “secrets” but we are talking over 5,000 companies ranging from Government organizations, private industries, non-profit and even religious organizations. Some organization would have given the rights to share their success story…but the authors didn’t share a one. In short, the authors provide a fictional account that illustrates the application of the Relationship Awareness Theory. Some of you might like it; I would recommend a visit to the aforementioned website instead.
Further suggestions: “Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us” by Daniel H. Pink, “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell, “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't T Stop Talking” by Susan Cain, “Switch” by Chip and Dan Heath, and “The Penguin and the Leviathan: How Cooperation Triumphs over Self-Interest” by Yochai Benkler.
“Have a Nice Conflict” is the disappointing book that uses a fictitious story to illustrate the Relationship Awareness Theory. The theory was founded by Elias H. Porter, Ph.D. (1914 – 1987) an influential psychologist who also developed the Strength Development Theory (SDI) along with other tools. I’m disappointed with the authors’ decision to base this book solely on a fictitious and corny story instead of a case study comprehensive approach particularly considering the long and diverse list of organizations that have used the SDI. I found the book’s website to be much more interesting and of substance. This disappointing 240-page book is composed of ten unnamed chapters.
Positives:
1. An engaging brief story that applies the Relationship Awareness Theory. The story is well written and very easy to get through.
2. The story shows a progressive application of the elements of the theory correlating with the main character’s understanding of it.
3. Simplicity.
4. Provides principles of managing conflict in the workplace and at home.
5. The emphasis on understanding people and their motivations. “The key is trying to identify why people do what they do. The challenge is that most of what we have to go on involves watching what they do. We can see their behavior, but it's more worthwhile to understand their reason for using the behavior—their intent or motivation.”
6. Understanding the value of self-worth. “People are most effective when they choose a strength that enhances the self-worth of others while helping them achieve their own goals—their own self-worth.”
7. The difference between opposition and conflict. “When people have different ideas about how to handle an issue, I call these disagreements opposition rather than conflict. Opposition is often part of a healthy debate that leads us to better ideas.”
8. Understanding triggers of conflict. “When people have different ideas about how to handle an issue, I call these disagreements opposition rather than conflict. Opposition is often part of a healthy debate that leads us to better ideas.”
9. Understanding the color-coded Motivational Value Systems. “But a motivational value system is a pattern of motives, and every person has some of every color.” “Recognizing a person's motivational value system is a fine art. We can start by looking for one of the seven types, but as we learn more, we can fine-tune our understanding to notice when people are on the border between two types.”
10. The five keys to having a nice conflict: anticipate, prevent, identify, manage, and resolve.
11. The appendix provides a character assessment results using SDI.
12. An invaluable link that provides the substance of the story: www.HaveaNiceConflict.com.
Negatives:
1. The authors wasted an opportunity for a great book. I was hoping for a case study intensive book backed by great scientific research applied to the many diverse companies that have applied SDI. A great book would have been having the courage to provided examples of not only the successes but the failures in applying the techniques. I’m really disappointed.
2. The truth is stranger than fiction, then why go with a fictional tale?
3. Even with a story, the authors missed out on an opportunity to weave in real-life case studies. In their 40-year history, the SDI has been integrated into the training of over 5,000 companies! Why not immerse examples into the story. I would have preferred an entirely non-fictional account but at least by providing real-life examples it would have added value to the book.
4. The story felt contrived and even condescending. I know what a Tyrannosaurus is for crying out loud.
5. Where are the interesting facts? The anecdotes?
6. Where’s the science? The research that back up the notion that this is a sound approach to conflicts?
7. No links to notes, no formal bibliography.
In summary, I’m really disappointed in this book because it missed an opportunity to be great. The authors had so much “real” material to work with but decided to go the fictional account to the dismay of this reviewer. I’m certain that some companies may have been reluctant to share their stories or their “secrets” but we are talking over 5,000 companies ranging from Government organizations, private industries, non-profit and even religious organizations. Some organization would have given the rights to share their success story…but the authors didn’t share a one. In short, the authors provide a fictional account that illustrates the application of the Relationship Awareness Theory. Some of you might like it; I would recommend a visit to the aforementioned website instead.
Further suggestions: “Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us” by Daniel H. Pink, “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell, “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg, “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't T Stop Talking” by Susan Cain, “Switch” by Chip and Dan Heath, and “The Penguin and the Leviathan: How Cooperation Triumphs over Self-Interest” by Yochai Benkler.
May 28, 2025
Read this for work, as preparation for a leadership training session.
Solid fable (and a quick one!) that explains the SDI (Strength Deployment Inventory) and its basis well.
Solid fable (and a quick one!) that explains the SDI (Strength Deployment Inventory) and its basis well.
March 29, 2013
This book was recommended by a participant at the Amer Assoc of Colleges of Pharmacy conference. I was interested in it as a possible book for students, knowing it was a fable and knowing that conflict was something that many were interested in learning more about. The book refers to the Strengths Deployment Inventory (SDI) and I wanted to see the similarities to the strengthsfinder work from Gallup. [There aren't many other than the concept of "overdone" strengths (Have a Nice Conflict) or barrier labels (StrengthsQuest), where something you're good at annoys others.]
The book argues that we use the term conflict too broadly/generally and defines conflict as: When a person is faced with a situation that threatens their self worth. The goal, then, is to manage conflict in a way that preserves the self worth of those involved. A model is then introduced with seven different motivational value systems. I was most intrigued by the concept of conflict sequences, a predictable chain of behavior that unfolds as the conflict escalates.
The book is based on Relationship Awareness Theory and, like most business fables, is a quick read. The story itself moves briskly and is relatable. The main character is a salesperson whose lack of "soft skills" has caused him to lose promotions. Although effective, I'd rate the story as a bit thin in detail (especially in comparison to other fables I've read), which sometimes causes it to feel a bit transparent and contrived. In fact, the student I read it with indicated that, at times, he just skipped to Mac's dialogue (the consultant) to get to the teachy parts. I find that fables can sometimes lack sufficient, clear take away. This book avoids that by putting the main character's "notes" from his sessions with the consultant in the back, along with a memo from the consultant introducing his approach.
Similar to The Five Dysfunctions of a Team or Leadership & Self Deception, this book is good for anyone that is interested in a new way of looking at something that happens regularly in everyday life (home and work). Due to the popularity of the concept with our students, the approachable style of this book and the usable concepts from this model, I will be adding this to our optional reads for Leadership Bestsellers!
The book argues that we use the term conflict too broadly/generally and defines conflict as: When a person is faced with a situation that threatens their self worth. The goal, then, is to manage conflict in a way that preserves the self worth of those involved. A model is then introduced with seven different motivational value systems. I was most intrigued by the concept of conflict sequences, a predictable chain of behavior that unfolds as the conflict escalates.
The book is based on Relationship Awareness Theory and, like most business fables, is a quick read. The story itself moves briskly and is relatable. The main character is a salesperson whose lack of "soft skills" has caused him to lose promotions. Although effective, I'd rate the story as a bit thin in detail (especially in comparison to other fables I've read), which sometimes causes it to feel a bit transparent and contrived. In fact, the student I read it with indicated that, at times, he just skipped to Mac's dialogue (the consultant) to get to the teachy parts. I find that fables can sometimes lack sufficient, clear take away. This book avoids that by putting the main character's "notes" from his sessions with the consultant in the back, along with a memo from the consultant introducing his approach.
Similar to The Five Dysfunctions of a Team or Leadership & Self Deception, this book is good for anyone that is interested in a new way of looking at something that happens regularly in everyday life (home and work). Due to the popularity of the concept with our students, the approachable style of this book and the usable concepts from this model, I will be adding this to our optional reads for Leadership Bestsellers!
April 12, 2020
Not great, not terrible. It's a simple and brief story that applies the Relationship Awareness Theory. Not surprisingly, the fictional character's story was getting to the straight point in each chapter. Unfortunately, I hoped to find for any scientific research and more examples applying these techniques in real cases, but it was a different book concept in general.
June 24, 2021
This book is written in a way I wasn't expecting. I thought it was going to be more a step by step business guide on how to work through conflict. What I didn't realize is that it was a fictional character that we follow through using the Core Strength's assessment. It makes sense though as this book was given to me at one of their workshops.
I liked how this story teaches through examples. I find I do the same with the people I coach. This story makes it practical and relatable. If you have an open mind and want to learn why there are so many conflicts or how some people seem to just hand the most difficult situations or people, check this book out. It may help you see a different perspective.
I liked how this story teaches through examples. I find I do the same with the people I coach. This story makes it practical and relatable. If you have an open mind and want to learn why there are so many conflicts or how some people seem to just hand the most difficult situations or people, check this book out. It may help you see a different perspective.
January 12, 2022
The format of a parable is both charming and annoying. The characters and situations are by definition contrived and unrealistic, and yet still ring true and have elements of charm and entertainment. The author's personality trait methodology, SDI, is a bit vague and confusing upon the initial reading, but they go to great lengths to describe and act out it's meanings and application. Ultimately, I felt that I put the book down at the end of the day with a new appreciation of my own 'toolbox' and the importance of self-worth in daily interactions with others. I recommend this book to anyone who struggles to understand why they may be falling short in their relationships.
January 25, 2020
I am certified in delivering TotalSDI (strengths deployment inventory) training so received this book as part of the facilitation package. I was pleasantly surprised at how well it described the various motivations of people and how conflict occurs, and can be resolved, amongst people. It did this in a narrative format which was surprisingly interesting and easy to follow. I would recommend this book to anyone wanting deeper knowledge in TotalSDI.
May 19, 2019
I liked this book, which was a surprise. I usually don't like leadership lessons told story-style, but this got to the point fairly quickly after each 'lesson' with the expert. It also has a great notes section and official summary in the back of the book. So it was an easy read with a quick place to review the highlights later. I'd recommend.
August 3, 2024
Very easy to read due to the style of how it is written and it has great insights. That said for the same reason it’s easy to read it is almost silly how fake it is so that’s annoying as I felt like i was being talked to like a 5 year old.
October 30, 2017
Helpful for working through conflict both personally and professionally.
January 8, 2018
Great for situations where you suspect your personality type is underrepresented at work
May 20, 2018
I honestly did not think I would like this book when I started it, but I did find the systems presented extremely insightful. If you like personal development frameworks this is a good read.
August 12, 2019
The final chapter was awesome. The final notes are out of this world
January 17, 2020
It may be useful, but a How-to book delivered entirely in prose is not something I have time to consume.
February 3, 2022
This was a simple easy to read book that used the sdi assessments and how to apply it in the real world. For me a must read and great examples.
February 17, 2025
READ FEB 2025
This is an effective story to describe www.corestrengths.com and their SDI instrument. The conflict sequence is helpful to understand and the fable format helps explain it.
This is an effective story to describe www.corestrengths.com and their SDI instrument. The conflict sequence is helpful to understand and the fable format helps explain it.
August 9, 2025
Very easy to follow and great way to understand the SDI logic. I thought it was great that it was written as a “novel” or story in order to explain the methodology, it helped a lot!!
October 1, 2014
I read this after our office attended an workshop in the SDI Inventory. I'm not sure that the book would make quite as much sense if you didn't have background knowledge of this tool.
The story itself is, as the subtitle says, a fable. And sort of a modern-day fable for office workers. It's a bit forced at times, and I found it a bit hard to get through some of the 'denser' sections that are all about explaining the SDI and conflict mechanisms (even though the authors do their best to weave this information throughout the storyline).
The information itself is quite good, and useful tidbits are there for the taking for those interested in learning how people's motivations affect their behavior and influence how they act when in and not in conflict states. It also helps you understand how you can go about avoiding conflict in the first place, and managing conflict when it's unavoidable.
The SDI tools at the back of the book are a nice summary of how the inventory works, and a nice way to wrap up the story (showing results for all the main and secondary characters).
Overall some really good information, but I think I just found the storyline a bit forced at times, which somewhat limited my 'buy-in' for this book. Worth a look, though, if the subject matter is of interest.
The story itself is, as the subtitle says, a fable. And sort of a modern-day fable for office workers. It's a bit forced at times, and I found it a bit hard to get through some of the 'denser' sections that are all about explaining the SDI and conflict mechanisms (even though the authors do their best to weave this information throughout the storyline).
The information itself is quite good, and useful tidbits are there for the taking for those interested in learning how people's motivations affect their behavior and influence how they act when in and not in conflict states. It also helps you understand how you can go about avoiding conflict in the first place, and managing conflict when it's unavoidable.
The SDI tools at the back of the book are a nice summary of how the inventory works, and a nice way to wrap up the story (showing results for all the main and secondary characters).
Overall some really good information, but I think I just found the storyline a bit forced at times, which somewhat limited my 'buy-in' for this book. Worth a look, though, if the subject matter is of interest.
July 23, 2014
Conflict is part of our daily lives but we tend to think of it as a scary beast. It doesn't have to be that way. This book does a wonderful job at making the reader aware of different conflict resolution patterns that people employ, how to recognize them and how to deal with them. I believe readers that are not familiar with the SDI theory will appreciate the way the book was written because the authors Tim Scudder, Michael Patterson, and Kent Mitchell have created almost a fable. A fable that lets you follow the journey of "John" as he learns about these patterns of behavior within himself and those around him, both when things are going well, and when things go into conflict. This way it's easy to learn and absorb the teachings of this book and in my eyes this makes it valuable for anyone wanting to learn more about how to have a nice conflict, a conflict where disagreements get resolved without your heart pumping like crazy, palms sweating and face getting all red.
November 19, 2014
This is the first management book in which I directly felt my approach to conflict was shifting. I never had an experience like this before. It only took me three days to read this book, and it would not be the last time! It is writing in an incredibly approachable matter, and I never had the feeling that the language and tone were too bland. Furthermore, the theory is based on the SDI model, but it is not necessary to follow tis problem; however, I am definitely thinking of using one in the future or recommend a future employer to request a certified trainer to perform a program. Nevertheless, this book covers a great part of the SDI methodology, and provides a story which guides you through all the steps. TL;DR - this book is definitely worth the time!
April 20, 2016
This was a very informative book. I took a class for work entitled "Have A Nice Conflict" and this book was given to us as a good read.
To me this book held plenty of relatable information and the format was much appreciated as it wasn't coming from the perspective of a textbook. It was almost like a real-world example was given and you followed the main character throughout the story. There's even a little notebook of main points towards the end which will be extremely helpful.
I also took the SDI Assessments that were mentioned in the book and at the back of the book is a quick guide on what those colors and motivational value systems mean.
Overall, we all have to deal with people; professionally and personally and this book gives you tools that you can apply to those relationships.
To me this book held plenty of relatable information and the format was much appreciated as it wasn't coming from the perspective of a textbook. It was almost like a real-world example was given and you followed the main character throughout the story. There's even a little notebook of main points towards the end which will be extremely helpful.
I also took the SDI Assessments that were mentioned in the book and at the back of the book is a quick guide on what those colors and motivational value systems mean.
Overall, we all have to deal with people; professionally and personally and this book gives you tools that you can apply to those relationships.
January 14, 2013
I thoroughly enjoyed this book for it's simplicity and scope. Have A Nice Conflict is a peek into human behavior in a very easy to understand way. It hits upon the motives behind our actions and how acting outside our typical behavior patterns can cause conflict within ourselves or with other people.
Only after we learn to identify our motivations and triggers, can we effectively manage the conflict in our lives.
Fun, quick read. If everyone had a grasp on what makes us tick and what our conflict sequences are, the world would be an easier place to navigate.
Only after we learn to identify our motivations and triggers, can we effectively manage the conflict in our lives.
Fun, quick read. If everyone had a grasp on what makes us tick and what our conflict sequences are, the world would be an easier place to navigate.
December 2, 2013
Required reading for work. The book alone was not something I would intentionally read. I found the way the book was written extremely cheesy. Reading or in my case skimming the book prior to training was useful but it all came together in training. I'm not sure if I would recommend the book alone but in conjunction with the seminar it was extremely useful. I recommend the seminars because the use of the profiles we extremely helpful in understanding yourself and others. It also makes you think about how to communicate with others based on personality types. Extremely useful in leadership.
October 13, 2013
Specially designed for the managers to look up to their sub- ordinates for motivation and suggestions. To control the leverage success is sometimes difficult, all it need is to use the right tool for the right time. Taking up all the credit when others are involved and dedicated in a project is a disgrace to the efforts made by the team members, managers usually do that. This book is a good illustration of how we can minimize the conflicts which can occur from time to time in an organization.
January 4, 2015
Very good book. Applicable in my line of work. Actually, this would be applicable in any line of work where you deal with other people. I enjoyed that it was different in that read as a story versus a text or self-help book. At times I did feel it was a little juvenile though, which I suppose can happen when an adult 'lesson' is being taught in story form. All in all, I'd recommend this book to anyone that deals with complicated relationships at home, or at work.
January 16, 2013
When starting to read the book I was expecting something else (did not see the subtitle - a fable -), so I was a bit surprised. Not necessarily in a good way. I wanted a book to learn something and got a fable. In the end it turned out to be a really nice way of repeating the SDI themes and I could imagine also give some insight to people not familiar with SDI.
August 23, 2012
This book is good as a refresher to SDI. I would be really interested to know how someone else felt about it who didn't know about the theory?? Anyway I didn't love the book as I found it a tad cheesy at times. Slightly annoying. Anyone agree?
December 6, 2012
Easy to read book that operationalizes the SDI concepts. If you don't want to read cover to cover you can skip to "John's" notes in the back. I thought there was useful info here but not a book I'm out shouting in the streets about.
December 8, 2012
I was sucked in by this book. I love understanding how people "work" and what's makes them do what they do. This book was so helpful for me as it explained the differ ing personalities and how they act and interact with each other. I plan on reading it again soon!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews