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No time to say goodbye: Surviving the suicide of a loved one
Suicide would appear to be the last taboo. Even incest is now discussedfreely in the popular media, but the suicide of a loved one is still an actmost people are unable to talk about--or even admit to their closest family andfriends. This is just one of the many painful and paralyzing truths authorCarla Fine discovered when her husband, a successful young physician, took hisown life in December 1989. And being unable to speak openly and honestly aboutthe cause of her pain made it all the more difficult for her to survive.With "No Time to Say Goodbye," she brings suicide survival from thedarkness into the light, speaking frankly and with compassion about theoverwhelming feelings of confusion, guilt, shame, anger and loneliness that areshared by all survivors. Drawing on her own experience and on conversationswith many other survivors--as well as on the knowledge of counselors and mentalhealth professionals--Carla Fine offers a strong helping hand and invaluableguidance to the thousands of husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, sistersand brothers, friends and lovers who are left behind each year, struggling tomake sense of an act that seems to them senseless, and to pick up the pieces oftheir own shattered lives. And, perhaps most important, she allows them to seethat they are not alone in their feelings of grief and despair.Her resource section, listing organizations and survivor groups throughout theUnited States and Canada, as well as her bibliography of further reading, will, in themselves, provide invaluable information and support.Carla Fine is the author of two earlier books ," Married to AnIntimate Portrait of Doctors' Wives" and "Barron's Guide toForeignMedical Schools." She has written articles for "Cosmopolitan," "Woman's Day," and "Omni," and has appeared on national televisionprograms, as well as on many local TV and radio shows around the country. Shelives in New York City." "No Time to Say Goodbye" has put into words my experiences of a decade.The knowledge to be gained by reading this book is impossible to estimate, andI recommend it to all who have experienced a loss to suicide, regardless of howlong ago. I also recommend it to my colleagues who will or have lost a clientto suicide, and finally, to all people in our country so they may no longer beconfused about the impact of suicide. Carla Fine safely and gently takes thereader on a journey that until now has been indescribable."--Frank Campbell, President, American Association of Suicidology"Suicide survivors will hear in Carla Fine's extraordinary book what we all toorarely hear--the honest and deeply human voices of others who have endure thebafflement and desolation of a loved one's suicide. We learn here that the darklegacy of suicide can be borne with dignity, forgiveness and hope."--Larry Lockridge, Ph.D., author of "Shade of the The Life andDeath of Ross Lockridge, Jr. author of" Raintree County.
252 pages, Unknown Binding
First published December 1, 1996
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1328 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 133 reviews
November 20, 2014
I read this book nearly 15 years ago. After losing my brother, I had tried therapy, medication, and tons of books, to help me find some kind of help, a reason, an explanation. I didn't want the psychobable or telling me what my brain wants me to think an act. I stumbled across this book and I have to tell you that I would recommend this to anyone that has lost a loved one to suicide. This book gives all different kinds of stories of what happened to others when they lost loved ones. There isn't a right or wrong feeling. It's never okay, it will always hurt, but maybe in the long run there was nothing that you could do to avoid this heartache. The stories will help you to realize you are not alone.
May 26, 2007
No, we are not going crazy and we are not the only ones. This book tells the stories of a number of men and women who lost various loved ones to suicide. They tell about how it was in the beginning and how it has become some time later.
Carla addresses the issue of emotional wreckage as well as practical problems that arise - financial, social, life from now on.
The stories relate how grief relating to suicide is so different than from other types of grief. After all, the loved one chose to leave often with no warning signs or signs that are only too obvious once it is too late to do anything about them.
I recommend this to anyone who lost somebody to suicide and to everyone who wants to help someone who has. You may get an understanding of what this kind of grief does to the person you care about.
Carla addresses the issue of emotional wreckage as well as practical problems that arise - financial, social, life from now on.
The stories relate how grief relating to suicide is so different than from other types of grief. After all, the loved one chose to leave often with no warning signs or signs that are only too obvious once it is too late to do anything about them.
I recommend this to anyone who lost somebody to suicide and to everyone who wants to help someone who has. You may get an understanding of what this kind of grief does to the person you care about.
July 31, 2007
My husband died as a result of suicide and this book was recommended in just about every piece of helpful information pertaining to suicide. It's an incredible book written by a woman who knows the anguish of losing someone you love without the chance to say goodbye. She interviewed people from all walks of life who have survived the loss of someone they knew and loved. This book helped me more than anything else I read.
September 23, 2007
1 - It seems like this is the book most often mentioned by people that have lost a loved one to suicide. It was ok, but it was definitely not the most helpful one for me personally. Since so many people seem to get a lot out of it, it makes me wonder if I just read it a week or two too soon. It was the first book that I read after I lost my brother, and it was probably on about day 6 or 7. This book really scared me about what I was in for. Actually, now that I am looking back on it typing this that was probably exactly what I needed to help prepare me for what lay ahead.
Carla kept it secret at first that her husband's death was by suicide. I couldn't really relate to the secrets. The book did reinforce the importance of being honest about it.
Since this was the first book I read, I did find the resources section at the back of the book extremely helpful.
If you read No Time to Say Goodbye, I would recommend also reading the book that she coauthors called Touched by Suicide. I think it is a much better book and it also shows how she has progressed.
Carla kept it secret at first that her husband's death was by suicide. I couldn't really relate to the secrets. The book did reinforce the importance of being honest about it.
Since this was the first book I read, I did find the resources section at the back of the book extremely helpful.
If you read No Time to Say Goodbye, I would recommend also reading the book that she coauthors called Touched by Suicide. I think it is a much better book and it also shows how she has progressed.
August 28, 2021
This book came highly recommended and I had high expectations of it. Unfortunately, much of it didn't resonate with me. It may be that the book is somewhat dated having been published in 1997, or it may be cultural given it is authored by someone from the US. There was a lot of focus on the stigma and shame surrounding suicide, and that has not been my experience. Everyone I have dealt with from the police, emergency workers, hospital staff, to friends, colleagues, and family have only shown the utmost respect. I've felt many emotions in the last months but shame and anger have never been among them.
October 1, 2010
A difficult but necessary read for anyone who has been affected by the suicide of a loved one. I found Fine's writing to be a great comfort to me.
April 23, 2016
I know a lot of people found this book comforting but for me it was the opposite. It was near impossible to read it without becoming more depressed because it's just story after story of different suicides with no answers to the why. I had to skim a lot of it because it was just too hard to get through. Maybe it's better to read this a year or so from now but one month after I've been touched by suicide was too early for me to read this and it did not help at all.
April 15, 2023
Do not recommend this book. The author hyper focuses on mode of suicide so the book is story after story of graphic descriptions of death, some incredibly violent. I found it more traumatizing than helpful. Suicide is traumatizing enough without retraumatizing readers. It’s not focused on survivors and their outcomes as much as it needs to be. Had I known how graphic this book was, I would not have tried to read it.
October 31, 2024
My husband died by suicide on September 1st, after being given medication that caused psychosis . This book is helping me deal with all the horrible consequences and fallout.
I will continue to work through my bereavement.
I will continue to work through my bereavement.
March 29, 2011
This book is about suicide. But it not as much of a downer as you might think. It works as kind of a textbook with a practical tone that tries to help someone through, or at least understand, the experience. The author's husband killed himself, and, in addition to her story, she includes many vignettes of other people's horrible stories of losing their loved ones.
The author's husband was, of course, in a great deal of pain before he killed himself. He must have been so mired in hopelessness to have not found a way out. But the selfishness of his act made it easy for his wife to hate him, because he did pretty much wreck her life. She also felt that she had utterly failed as a wife, unable to stop the suffering of her beloved husband. But, over time, she gained a a more circumspect point of view. She states support groups are good because you look at others with compassion and, eventually, you can look at your own situation that way.
I am grateful to read this book out of interest rather than need. I did find some of its message applicable to other situations. I suppose almost everyone has at least one experience of extreme, sudden rejection from a loved and trusted someone, be it a sibling, a friend, a partner. When a relationship ends, it might not be the tragedy of someone killing themselves, but it is still the termination of something. It is the feeling of a door slammed in one's face, the future erased, and the past tainted with bitterness and hurt. It changes the way you look at the world, and the way you think of yourself.
This book speaks to these difficult feelings and how, over time, one can look at the other person with something other than resentment. My anger towards the person who hurt me becomes a more accepting attitude. I can see the mistakes and the dysfunction that lead to the end, and become at peace with it. Eventually,the dead relationship, while not the utopia I might have thought earlier, was no longer a charade.
Take away: I found this book to be kind of cheerful, believe it or not!
The author's husband was, of course, in a great deal of pain before he killed himself. He must have been so mired in hopelessness to have not found a way out. But the selfishness of his act made it easy for his wife to hate him, because he did pretty much wreck her life. She also felt that she had utterly failed as a wife, unable to stop the suffering of her beloved husband. But, over time, she gained a a more circumspect point of view. She states support groups are good because you look at others with compassion and, eventually, you can look at your own situation that way.
I am grateful to read this book out of interest rather than need. I did find some of its message applicable to other situations. I suppose almost everyone has at least one experience of extreme, sudden rejection from a loved and trusted someone, be it a sibling, a friend, a partner. When a relationship ends, it might not be the tragedy of someone killing themselves, but it is still the termination of something. It is the feeling of a door slammed in one's face, the future erased, and the past tainted with bitterness and hurt. It changes the way you look at the world, and the way you think of yourself.
This book speaks to these difficult feelings and how, over time, one can look at the other person with something other than resentment. My anger towards the person who hurt me becomes a more accepting attitude. I can see the mistakes and the dysfunction that lead to the end, and become at peace with it. Eventually,the dead relationship, while not the utopia I might have thought earlier, was no longer a charade.
Take away: I found this book to be kind of cheerful, believe it or not!
August 25, 2018
Incredibly well written. Over two decades old and still every word resonated with me. This book gave me validation for the( still in today's society) shame and embarrassment I carry around like dumb bells. I would recommend that everyone read this book, young, old, direct or indirectly affected by Suicide.
August 15, 2022
This story is real, detailed and just what I needed. I bought this book about 1 month after I lost my Dad and I needed to hear other stories, just as shocking as mine, and that's what I got. I have passed it along to other family members...
January 18, 2023
Highly recommend
I hate that I had to read this book, but this is part of my story. If you are struggling, read, go to therapy, join a group...you do not have to suffer in silence. Highly recommended.
I hate that I had to read this book, but this is part of my story. If you are struggling, read, go to therapy, join a group...you do not have to suffer in silence. Highly recommended.
July 22, 2021
even after 4 years of loosing my brother... Im still grieving. Thank you for this book.
January 22, 2026
For the first two years, I was explaining what it was like to lose a son to suicide. Now, I’m describing what it’s like to no longer have a son. (77)
I don’t blame her, I miss her. (118)
The challenge of surviving is to mourn without understanding with pain and grief, yes, but with the awareness that we will never know why we have been left by those we loved. (281)
With suicide, the search for understanding is totally encompassing- there’s no room for anything else. You have to give up the search in order to go forward. (304)
Like every other person who has lost a loved one to suicide, my friends and I have been transported to the realm of philosophers and poets and religious thinkers. We now find ourselves reflecting on the mystery and power of the will to survive, deliberating the meaning of human existence as we go about our daily lives. (275)
I don’t blame her, I miss her. (118)
The challenge of surviving is to mourn without understanding with pain and grief, yes, but with the awareness that we will never know why we have been left by those we loved. (281)
With suicide, the search for understanding is totally encompassing- there’s no room for anything else. You have to give up the search in order to go forward. (304)
Like every other person who has lost a loved one to suicide, my friends and I have been transported to the realm of philosophers and poets and religious thinkers. We now find ourselves reflecting on the mystery and power of the will to survive, deliberating the meaning of human existence as we go about our daily lives. (275)
October 30, 2025
If you need this then know: it is helpful & I am so sorry.
July 22, 2019
I was hoping for something useful but this book did not help me at all.
This is non fiction so no plot. The setting was NYC and Colombia. The character was Carla, her husband, and a cast of many extras.
It is written around Carla Fine's experience of her husband killing himself.
But was confusing as it covered cases of many other people, not always making it clear that Carly switched what was being described. So bad editing at a minimum.
This was a good long form magazine article that was stretched to book length and also padded with reference material that is now out of date andor incomplete.
The SPaG level writing was adequate except for the confusion when changing focus to another person. The higher levels of editing fell short.
If you are desperate after someone you know suicided then check it out of the library.
IMHO it is not worth buying and certainly not a permanent home library keeper.
A good basic book on grief would be more useful. There are no answers to why a person killed themselves so do not bother obsessing about finding the reason why.
The only good advice was join a support group, but there are very few of them and most are near big cities. Exception is the area around Norfolk where there are several. Maybe USN folks are at bigger risk of killing themselves.
This is non fiction so no plot. The setting was NYC and Colombia. The character was Carla, her husband, and a cast of many extras.
It is written around Carla Fine's experience of her husband killing himself.
But was confusing as it covered cases of many other people, not always making it clear that Carly switched what was being described. So bad editing at a minimum.
This was a good long form magazine article that was stretched to book length and also padded with reference material that is now out of date andor incomplete.
The SPaG level writing was adequate except for the confusion when changing focus to another person. The higher levels of editing fell short.
If you are desperate after someone you know suicided then check it out of the library.
IMHO it is not worth buying and certainly not a permanent home library keeper.
A good basic book on grief would be more useful. There are no answers to why a person killed themselves so do not bother obsessing about finding the reason why.
The only good advice was join a support group, but there are very few of them and most are near big cities. Exception is the area around Norfolk where there are several. Maybe USN folks are at bigger risk of killing themselves.
November 24, 2021
This book should come with a trigger warning. The author didn’t skirt around how a number of individuals took their lives. I was surprised by the graphic nature and wondered if it was entirely necessary. I continued to read having faith that the author and so many survivors of suicide would impart some sort of solace for me. The progression of chapters followed the stages of grief that follow the suicide of a loved one. I appreciated the variability and normalization of the range of experiences. The author has quite the way with words. I will tuck some of these excerpts away to read and reread.
I had to endure the hollowness, the guilt, the anguish, the anger, in order to emerge on the other side. There is no easy way to eradicate the pain and grieving. I would have to keep my balance until the roller coaster of emotions finished it’s course. Then, I could get off, walk on my own, and truly move on with my life.
Ultimately the book made me feel less alone.
I had to endure the hollowness, the guilt, the anguish, the anger, in order to emerge on the other side. There is no easy way to eradicate the pain and grieving. I would have to keep my balance until the roller coaster of emotions finished it’s course. Then, I could get off, walk on my own, and truly move on with my life.
Ultimately the book made me feel less alone.
November 10, 2013
For my job as a teacher in a special program, I am reading a series of books about mental health issues that adolescents struggle with. My recent focus is on suicide, so I thought this book would be a good contrast to the other books I've read about the people who commit suicide. The author is the widow of a doctor who took his own life using medical technology. This book is a compassionate look at the many issues that confront the survivors of suicide victims. She tells her own story, but also the stories of many others who shared their experiences. It makes for a comprehensive look at a place most of us don't want to even peek, and certainly don't ever want to go to. The biggest message I hope those who have gone there can take from this book is to seek support from others who can understand where you are and help you move along your healing journey after a traumatic loss.
August 7, 2018
This book offers an excellent insight into the mindset of a person who's loved one has commit suicide. I'm not a suicide survivor myself but as someone who studies death and bereavement, I found this book very insightful, I can imagine the pain and anguish that the people Carla Fine met with is very difficult to put into words, but this book is put together very well. I think this book will help a lot of people that are struggling with their own internal battles following the suicide of a loved one
November 14, 2007
A true life account of living through the days after a loved ones suicide. Very emotional and close to the same type of book as one called My Son, My Son by Iris Bolton. It was a hard book to read because of the emotional descriptions used by the author. Almost even more on the angry side until the last chapter of the book where it talked about siblings and feelings. Very good chapters that dealt mainly with groups like spouses, parents and siblings, etc.
January 19, 2020
Completed as much of this book as I'm ever going to. I think this book pertains more to people who would have never guessed that their loved one would commit suicide. In my situation, living with a family member who was suicidal for 20+ years it was an expected/unexpected situation so much of the book is explaining things that I didn't need to be explained to me. Great book, but redundant for me personally.
June 26, 2019
One of the most heartfelt, heartbreaking, triumphant stories of a strong woman and her journey through tragic loss! Carla helped me to KNOW that like her, not only could I survive the suicide death of my beloved, but that I WOULD!
September 20, 2020
After losing my partner to suicide in July I was so lost, I felt alone & no one understood my grief. This book was recommended to me & although nothing has changed, I now know I’m not alone, my feelings are normal & it is possible to survive the loss even when you think you can’t.
November 20, 2023
I was very disappointed in this book. It doesn’t give hope for finding peace or helping survivors through it. Don’t waste your time there has to be better resources out there!
May 13, 2019
My brother killed himself in January 2019. My sister in law, nephew, and I were all hurting pretty good.
My sister in law was recommended this book to help us with our healing and hurting. She found it really helpful as a spouse who is living with this. She did not say how my nephew is dealing with it.
I'm still reading it, but am about 90% of the way done. I found I couldn't sit down and read it all in one sitting as my mind was leaping and bounding while reading. However, I am nearing the finish line and thought I'd give my review.
The book is great if you are looking to understand what others feel and how they are coping after such a loss. This book tackles these subjects head on. It doesn't just deal with one way of committing suicide either there are different ways mentioned on how others have done it.
I believe I am unique because when I was going to school, I have done a few different reports on suicide about what it is and why people do it. I didn't think I learned anything back then when I wrote and researched the information. Boy was I wrong. When I received the new of my brother, the information came back to me even in my numbed state. This helped me process and understand what was going on, which in turn made my responses to my sister in law and nephew more than the normal so sorry for our loss.
At least I hope I helped in with reassuring them they were not to blame - they would have done anything for my brother. Now even 4 months on, I still feel that way. If any of us could have done anything for him, we would have. He made a decision which we have to accept and come to terms with him being at peace. I'm only sorry he didn't feel he could work things out with our help to get that peace, but that's on him.
Reading this book just reinforced everything I wrote above and I feel good about that. If anyone is having a hard time - talk to anyone and don't stop. If it helps, jump up and down but keep talking...
Because being in the places we, as a family are, is having your heart broken and it will never recover. It will less with the amount per day, week, month, but it will always remain broken as a part of it is gone forever even with memories.
My sister in law was recommended this book to help us with our healing and hurting. She found it really helpful as a spouse who is living with this. She did not say how my nephew is dealing with it.
I'm still reading it, but am about 90% of the way done. I found I couldn't sit down and read it all in one sitting as my mind was leaping and bounding while reading. However, I am nearing the finish line and thought I'd give my review.
The book is great if you are looking to understand what others feel and how they are coping after such a loss. This book tackles these subjects head on. It doesn't just deal with one way of committing suicide either there are different ways mentioned on how others have done it.
I believe I am unique because when I was going to school, I have done a few different reports on suicide about what it is and why people do it. I didn't think I learned anything back then when I wrote and researched the information. Boy was I wrong. When I received the new of my brother, the information came back to me even in my numbed state. This helped me process and understand what was going on, which in turn made my responses to my sister in law and nephew more than the normal so sorry for our loss.
At least I hope I helped in with reassuring them they were not to blame - they would have done anything for my brother. Now even 4 months on, I still feel that way. If any of us could have done anything for him, we would have. He made a decision which we have to accept and come to terms with him being at peace. I'm only sorry he didn't feel he could work things out with our help to get that peace, but that's on him.
Reading this book just reinforced everything I wrote above and I feel good about that. If anyone is having a hard time - talk to anyone and don't stop. If it helps, jump up and down but keep talking...
Because being in the places we, as a family are, is having your heart broken and it will never recover. It will less with the amount per day, week, month, but it will always remain broken as a part of it is gone forever even with memories.
July 2, 2018
I don't even know why I checked this book from my local library, but am I glad I did. It does a good job highlighting the effects suicide has on the survivors after a family member, friend, or loved one commits such an act. Never in my life would I have guessed that suicide was so common. But with depression and other mental illnesses and people believing they lack any options, it's not hard to see now that it's bound to happen.
"People seem more interested in figuring out the reason for suicide, the logic of self-destruction, than in its consequences." it was sad reading stories of how focused people outside of the family were on trying to figure out why one committed suicide then how the survivors were affected. But I never really considered the survivors till this book. I hope the stigma is diminished and people can talk freely about their experiences. But something tells me they won't. People just don't like hearing about sad events. Even if you were facing difficulties in your life there is only so much they want to talk about. Don't believe, talk to cancer patients who have lose friends because their friends did not know how to respond. Quite sad.
To anyone thinking of committing suicide think of your family and those who you'll leave behind. Depression and other mental illnesses may cloud your judge and make you think that you won't be missed, but you will. Reach out to those around you and seek help. And to those who have dealt with suicide, remember the road will be tough and difficult but there are people out there who are looking to help. Seek support groups and make sure to put your self first. If you need space, take it.
"People seem more interested in figuring out the reason for suicide, the logic of self-destruction, than in its consequences." it was sad reading stories of how focused people outside of the family were on trying to figure out why one committed suicide then how the survivors were affected. But I never really considered the survivors till this book. I hope the stigma is diminished and people can talk freely about their experiences. But something tells me they won't. People just don't like hearing about sad events. Even if you were facing difficulties in your life there is only so much they want to talk about. Don't believe, talk to cancer patients who have lose friends because their friends did not know how to respond. Quite sad.
To anyone thinking of committing suicide think of your family and those who you'll leave behind. Depression and other mental illnesses may cloud your judge and make you think that you won't be missed, but you will. Reach out to those around you and seek help. And to those who have dealt with suicide, remember the road will be tough and difficult but there are people out there who are looking to help. Seek support groups and make sure to put your self first. If you need space, take it.
January 9, 2024
This book is written by a woman who’s husband committed suicide and a collaboration of stories of others who had loved ones commit suicide.
It’s heavy, sad, graphic in some places, and is by far more helpful in coping with someone’s suicide than other books. Most books on suicide are written for prevention, regurgitate statistics, or to dissect the mental state of someone who has or is contemplating suicide.
There are very few books that address how those who loved the person who committed suicide are coping and very little support for them due to the stigma of the type of death.
I was pre-screening this book for my friend’s widow, and realized how much I have compartmentalized my friends suicide because my grief couldn’t be anywhere near what hers is, but I found this book very cathartic in meeting a lot of my own thoughts and feelings about it as well and to realize (unfortunately) there’s a lot of people out there who fully and completely understand and have exactly the same thoughts and feelings.
I did stop reading about halfway through because I some of the stories were really heartbreaking, but I picked it up again later when I was ready to finish it.
This is a good book for someone feeling alone and having a hard time talking about their own experience or feeling like they’re on an island no one else has been to.
It’s heavy, sad, graphic in some places, and is by far more helpful in coping with someone’s suicide than other books. Most books on suicide are written for prevention, regurgitate statistics, or to dissect the mental state of someone who has or is contemplating suicide.
There are very few books that address how those who loved the person who committed suicide are coping and very little support for them due to the stigma of the type of death.
I was pre-screening this book for my friend’s widow, and realized how much I have compartmentalized my friends suicide because my grief couldn’t be anywhere near what hers is, but I found this book very cathartic in meeting a lot of my own thoughts and feelings about it as well and to realize (unfortunately) there’s a lot of people out there who fully and completely understand and have exactly the same thoughts and feelings.
I did stop reading about halfway through because I some of the stories were really heartbreaking, but I picked it up again later when I was ready to finish it.
This is a good book for someone feeling alone and having a hard time talking about their own experience or feeling like they’re on an island no one else has been to.
August 28, 2022
Rounded up from 3.5. First book for survivors I read since losing my wife a little over a month ago. I bit on the fence.
On one hand, it satisfies the craving I think we all feel to commune with others who have been in our shoes and to lessen the feeling of isolation. And here, there is a super-abundance of stories -- one after another after another.
While its satisfying in that regard, and there is some topical structure, it felt highly repetitive both in the facts and the sentiment and the points made -- and for all the stories, I didn't see ones like mine and wound up feeling more alone in many ways.
Also, while this is a book on suicide -- still probably merits a trigger warning. I was shocked by the authors need to describe some of the gruesome details -- especially from gun violence, etc., struck me also a very unnecessary, and something not allowed in our group therapy sessions.
That said, I did appreciate the validation of group therapy - and maybe this book is a giant group therapy session -- and the need to let go of guilt (very hard to do), I did feel like this was more about wallowing in the experience more than giving direction. In the end, there's nothing wrong with that and this won't be the last book I'll dig into.
On one hand, it satisfies the craving I think we all feel to commune with others who have been in our shoes and to lessen the feeling of isolation. And here, there is a super-abundance of stories -- one after another after another.
While its satisfying in that regard, and there is some topical structure, it felt highly repetitive both in the facts and the sentiment and the points made -- and for all the stories, I didn't see ones like mine and wound up feeling more alone in many ways.
Also, while this is a book on suicide -- still probably merits a trigger warning. I was shocked by the authors need to describe some of the gruesome details -- especially from gun violence, etc., struck me also a very unnecessary, and something not allowed in our group therapy sessions.
That said, I did appreciate the validation of group therapy - and maybe this book is a giant group therapy session -- and the need to let go of guilt (very hard to do), I did feel like this was more about wallowing in the experience more than giving direction. In the end, there's nothing wrong with that and this won't be the last book I'll dig into.
August 21, 2025
This book was not what I expected. It is so often mentioned in suicide discussions that I felt compelled to read it as a recent suicide survivor. But I think this book does not speak to suicide survivors. Written in 1997 and (my version) recorded in 2016, the book's audience seems to be those who care about and are trying to understand the experience of suicide survivors -- the initial shock, the devastation, and the decision to move forward while walking beside the tremendous and traumatic loss of a loved one who ended their life. I was deeply shaken by the graphic descriptions of the means of suicide for every person the author interviewed for her book. I felt she was describing accurately the experiences I've had as a suicide survivor. But there are no tools here for surviving the loss. Indeed, the author concludes her book by admitting she does not know what compelled her to live and to eventually embrace her life again rather than joining her husband in ending life. I will need to look elsewhere for suggestions on how to make meaning of my own life and how to remember my loved one not by how they died but by how they lived.
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