[The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage] [By: Susan Heitler] [May, 1997]

by Paula Singer

This book details the communication and conflict-resolution skills that happy couples use to deal with differences. Psychologist Susan Heitler clarifies the basics of collaborative dialogue and shows how these techniques can be applied to even the most sensitive issues in ways that respond to both partners' needs and help to strengthen their relationship. Use this book to learn strategies for making decisions together, resolving conflicts, recovering after upsets, and converting difficulties into opportunities for growth.

Genres: Marriage, Relationships, Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction

Paperback

First published May 1, 1997

Reviews

[A. Aвdι · Rating 4 out of 5]

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اگر طراحی سوال برای مسابقه کتابخوانی اولیای دانش‌آموزان در کار نبود، شاید هیچ وقت سراغ چنین کتابی نمی‌رفتم! چون نسبت به کتاب‌های روان‌شناسان غربی حس خوبی نداشته و همچنان کمی تا قسمتی ندارم!! چون به این اعتقاد دارم که روان‌شناسِ غربی برای انسان جامعه‌ی خودش نسخه می‌پیچد و نمی‌تواند برای منِ شرقی، آن هم از نوع مسلمانش، خوراک ذهنی مناسبی بدهد.
اما "معجزه‌ی گفت‌وگو" تصورات ذهنی من را بهم ریخت و فهمیدم که می‌شود نوشته‌های فرنگی‌ها!! را خواند و در نسخه‌پیچی‌هایشان تامل کرد و بعد از تطبیق با آموزه‌های دینی و فرهنگی خودمان از آن نهایت استفاده را کرد.
معجزه‌ی گفت‌وگو در سه بخش به بیان مهارت‌هایی می‌پردازد که با استفاده از آن‌ها، زوج‌ها می‌توانند مشکلات و اختلافات زندگی زناشویی را که بیشتر ارتباط کلامی نادرست ایجاد می‌شود، از سر راه بردارند و یا به حداقل برسانند. بخش اول اصول برقراری ارتباط بین همسران (صحبت کردن، گوش دادن و گفت‌وگو) را بیان می‌کند؛ بخش دوم راهکارهایی ارائه می‌کند که همسران بتوانند با مشکلات برخاسته از اختلافات کنار بیایند و بخش سوم به روش‌هایی برای تحکیم روابط زناشویی اختصاص دارد.
نقطه قوت این کتاب به نظر من که آن را از سایر کتاب‌های از این دست متمایز می‌کند، مثال‌های فراوانی است که از زوج‌ها آورده که باعث فهم بهتر و بیشتر موضوع می‌شود. و دیگر نگویم از اینکه مسلماً در این مثال‌ها مواردی که با فرهنگ ما مغایرت دارد بسیار است و خواننده خود باید فهیم باشد :)
مطالعه‌ی این کتاب را به زوج‌ها و کسانی که در آستانه‌ی ازدواج هستند پیشنهاد می‌کنم. حتی اگر گمان می‌کنید که با همسر خود هیییییچ اختلافی ندارید و در آینده نخواهید داشت (ان‌شاءالله) ولی باز هم این کتاب را بخوانید.

[Phil Mayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book so full of good advice for relationships that some people may find it overwhelming. The author understands this, and in her introduction recommends to choose what is most pressing.
The first section is on how to speak with each other – how to talk, how to listen, and how to have a dialogue. The second and third sections use these skills as a basis for handling disagreements and improving your relationship.
The author uses conversational examples throughout the book to illustrate both poor and good ways of dealing with many different situations. These practical cameos show how her advice applies in the real world. She also uses many metaphors to bring the interactions between partners alive: anger needing climate controls, two footballers passing a ball, marriage as like a sports game with no referee.
The author has a keen analytical eye for the interactions between people, and gives detailed recommendations. There is no fluff in this book. I recommend reading it over a period of time and using its insights for self-reflection. I will close with a couple of quotations.
“When your mate is angry at you, remember that you are listening to learn about his or her distress, not for what you did wrong.”
“Most marriage fights do not result from incompatible differences of opinion. Rather, they arise out of insufficient dialogue skills, hot tempers, hot topics, or frozen thinking.”

[Maude Mayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book and its companion workbook are powerful tools for working out how to have a peaceful relationship. Dr. Heitler outlines practical and easy to implement activities, and offers excellent examples all through the text. This book is really a treasure for all those who would dare to believe they can have a conflict-free relationship!

[Soheil · Rating 4 out of 5]

معجزه گفتگو مجموعه‌ای از شیوه‌های مذاکره در یک زندگی مشترک است که کمک می‌کنند مسائل کوچک و بزرگ را بصورتی سازنده بین خودتان حل کنید. کتاب شامل نمونه گفتگوهای زیادی است و لیکن با عنایت به الگوی غربی، جای زیادی در فرهنگ قدیمی و پوسیده ایرانی ندارند. من به نوبه خود مطالعه کتاب را طی یک مدت طولانی انجام دادم که به من کمک نمود آموزه‌های مفید آن را در زندگی مشترکم نهادینه سازم.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some great pointers, especially in dealing with conflict. I do think couples should read it, specifically if they’re struggling with continuous conflict. It was just a pretty boring to read.

[Henry Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a psychologist this was book often referred to couples in therapy. There is a companion handbook that couples find useful. The beginning section on recognizing and dealing with anger is helpful for couples to navigate through conflict.

[Hoda · Rating 5 out of 5]

کتابی عالی با مثال‌هایی ملموس و راهکارهایی کاربردی، از آن دست کتاب‌هایی که همه‌ی زوج‌ها باید بخوانند.

[Wesley Stuart · Rating 5 out of 5]

A perfect mix of deep psychological insight, practical advice, and upbeat writing.

[Maggie the Muskoka Library Mouse · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lots of useful information and exercises here for effective communication with your partner.

[K · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nice book on improving communication in marriage, written in an accessible style. Susan Heitler takes a lot of the concepts from From Conflict to Resolution: Strategies for Diagnosis and Treatment of Distressed Individuals, Couples, and Families, her book written for therapists, and breaks them down in a layperson-friendly way. This book is a useful resource for therapists and clients alike.

[Ed Craven · Rating 3 out of 5]

When a couple chooses to get married, they need to become a team of two as they deal with the excitement and challenges of life together. A team of two has a changed mindset from what is best for me to what is best for everyone affected by our decisions and actions. A team of two becomes even more important if the couple decides to have children.

The overall concept of the book is excellent. I rated the book a three because I felt that the book contained so many details that it could be difficult to see the forest for the trees.