How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and with Skill

by Knock Knock, Bradley R. Hughes (Illustrator)

While it’s inevitable that all of us will traumatize our children, even the most committed parents have lacked guidance in doing so deliberately and effectively. Don’t leave your most important job to instinct and gut reactions—whether you want to traumatize your children with the same techniques your parents used or you prefer to choose an entirely new approach, this book will show you the way!

The perfect guide for both new and experienced parents
Part of the acclaimed and proven-to-work Self-Hurt Series
Hardcover; 4.875 x 7.175 inches; 192 pages; full-color throughout

Genres: Parenting, Humor, Nonfiction, Psychology, Comedy, Self Help, Childrens

144 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Knock Knock is an independent maker of clever gifts, books, and whatever else they can think up. Their mission is to bring humor, creativity, and smarts to everyday life. Knock Knock’s crackerjack in-house team creates products and develops books from the ground up—as well as collaborating with outside authors, bloggers, and other creative types. Whether producing sticky notes or a volume of thoroughly researched nonfiction, Knock Knock happily dispenses irreverence, wordplay, and wit from its sunny perch in Venice, California, to folks around the globe.

Say something more with #knockknockstuff, and satisfy all your witty needs at knockknockstuff.com.

Reviews

[Tink Magoo is bad at reviews]

I'm pretty sure I've already succeeded at this- what with the 'foreskin' talk because my other half is a chicken shit and wouldn't talk about it and the 'special cuddle' baby making talk, plus the 'block your ears and hum to yourself after your Dad's had a few beers' talk - still, there are more things I could be doing to ensure good traumatisation to my children.

[Christine · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is more like a funny idea, and you get a giggle out of the fact that this book exists, but it's not written in an amusing enough manner to make it last through 144 pages. It's more...sad. Because everything in this book happens, but not on purpose (or at least, not consciously) and you know it's just a vicious cycle of awful. I've got a pretty well-developed sense of humor (see Go the Fuck to Sleep), but this just didn't do anything for me.

[Pavel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This books is to parenting as Colbert Report is to republicans.

[Nathan Brant · Rating 4 out of 5]

My 12 year-old daughter presented this book to me for my birthday . . . I leave it to you, dear reader, to dredge the depths of meaning in that gesture.

At turns laugh-out-loud funny and horrifying, this parody of a parenting book might be the reminder you need that you're not doing such a bad job after all. It's a quick read and very quotable. Enjoy and don't take it too seriously.

[Arryanna Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mildly funny

[Vi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite a funny and witty book. This dark satire on parenting (at least, I hope that that's what it really is behind the mask!) had me chuckling most of the time--even if at times really guiltily being a mother and all--but it also made me hyper-aware of all the shit I must not do to my kid. Like another reviewer said, reading through the traumatizing techniques actually is made me truly sad for those who will endure/currently endure/have endured these very real and unfortunate familial situations.

[Ahmad · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't usually write many reviews, but this book might be the best hidden jewel I ever stumbled upon. So much truth, too real, too close to home. Makes you realize how fucked up your childhood was (at least mine) and how so many parents have no fucking clue what they're doing. I recommend for EVERYONE - you will either learn something painfully true about yourself or at least you will learn how to traumatized your children ;)

[Lydia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very funny. But frighteningly accurate. I'd give it a higher rating but I'm afraid of what that would say about me. :)

[Candace · Rating 4 out of 5]

So far I'm doing a great job at traumatizing my kids. Glad for the reassurance.

[Grant Roth · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s tough to rate this book. It accomplished exactly what it’s meant to accomplish. It makes you chuckle and causes you to consider how your actions will shape your children. So, 3 stars because I enjoyed reading it but a satirical book on parenting can only move you so much.

I will say, it was really fascinating to read this book and a more serious parenting book simultaneously. I’d read a chapter of the serious book and I’d draw from it a really meaningful, helpful principle for parenting. Then, I’d read a chapter of this book and it would tell me to do the exact opposite of what I had just read in the other book.

Overall, it was a humorous book that forces you to more thoughtfully consider your parenting patterns.

[Marc · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm a big fan of bad parenting. What better chance do most of us have of ruining the world long beyond our own lifetimes other than by breeding and poorly raising those offspring. I tried to read this as satire. I tried to read it as a how-to. And then I just stopped trying.

[Mihail Stojanoski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Surprisingly interesting and, to me as a non-professional, very on-point. Since reading it at home we keep discussing which of our friends fall in which of the 7 parenting types.

[Bethany Winn · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is supposed to be a satire and I feel like I have a pretty good sense of humor, but it's not at all funny. It's real, and sad, and I couldn't get through more than 20 pages or so. I got this free from a neighbor gift group but am now unsure how to get rid of it. I don't think books should be burned or thrown away but... This is gross.

[Qin Li · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe my sense of humor got much darker. I picked up this book again and it doesn't seem that funny anymore...

[Géraldine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well done. It becomes to be funny but it's so true that this kind of parents exists! Make me thinking about how I am with children.

[Benjamin · Rating 3 out of 5]

A friend of mine loaned me this book to help prepare me for the joys of parenting by using a slightly humorous slant on the standard parenting books that hand out helpful advice for parents to be. While I chuckled at some of the pages as I flipped through the book, once I sat down to read it, I almost immediately became depressed. Sure, How to Traumatize Your Children is tongue-in-cheek, but that only lasts through the first few chapters. Overall, it’s virtually a traumatizing look into actual bad parenting instead of a comedic take on it.

The moment that it hit me how real these “methods” are was when I started to realize many parents inadvertently use them to their children’s disadvantage. From my own experience, and observing the experiences of others, this book presents each one of these methods in somewhat horrifying detail. The only way this book gets away with it is by humorously implying that these parents and parents-to-be are purposely choosing to pursue these paths for rearing their children. It was amusing at first, but the effect quickly wore off. Perhaps if the suggested actions in this book were more extreme—so as to be considered ridiculous—then the humor might have lasted.

In the end, this book is still useful in the sense that it paints a cautionary tale for parents to heed in raising their children. As a kind of “opposite guidebook,” this book manages to highlight the ways that we can do a disservice to our children. Parents can fail their children in numerous ways, but being aware of these methods can certainly help stave off some of the needed therapy in the child’s future. So, while this book’s humor might fall flat in the first few pages, it still contains relatively relevant information for parents.

Surprisingly useful information, even if the humor doesn’t last, I give How to Traumatize Your Children 3.0 stars out of 5.
  

For more reviews of books and movies like this, please visit www.benjamin-m-weilert.com

[Kristin Contreras · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up on the way to an art festival in one of those little free libraries. My thoughts were that it sounded silly and hilarious. It is a satirical approach to parenting that discusses each kind of not so great parenting method and the trauma it can inflict from udero to adulthood. It did give me some insight as to reprocussions of the very different parenting styles that my husband and I were brought up from and how it has shaped our own parenting (for better or for worse). Probably not the best book for someone motivated by guilt (like myself) to be reading but it had some eye-opening 3 star worthy moments.

[Joseph Young · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had hoped that this would be either a tongue in cheek way of criticizing parents or some way to actually improve kids through trauma, but this book plays it straight. Instead of offering anything novel or useful, it's an encyclopedia of parenting (or parental) suffering. It gets old and boring. The humor caused by the concept is lost by the third chapter. Would not recommend reading this book except for messed up people trying to diagnose how their parents messed them up. So disappointed, like my parents were in me.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Only finished this because I realized it’s been on my Currently Reading shelf for YEARS at this point. It gave me no pleasure to do so. A quick little satire that the author thought would be funnier than it actually is. If anything, this book is just sad. So many parents that I personally know fall into one if not more of these archetypes and it’s both revolting and devastating. I just couldn’t see the humor in this, despite its handful of witty moments.

PS: This book was a “gift” after my oldest was born. I would never willingly pick this up off the shelf, lol.

[Lindsay · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a terrible book. I thought it was going to be funny or even have like actual pointers in it like hey if you do this this will really screw them up so don't do this do that type of thing. But it doesn't it really and here just goes into how to traumatize children and I don't, I didn't still don't find it funny. The worst part is is a lot of what was the being read in here I have actually seen happening to children. And it just breaks my heart. And no way shape or form was this a funny book. I'm very blown away that other people have enjoyed reading it.

[Jaime · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book (I’m hoping) is a sarcastic approach to inform about the most common ways parents mess up their kids and what the results of certain actions or inactions might be. It was informative, entertaining, and actually thought provoking. At times I found myself feeling a bit vulnerable or wounded as it hit upon some of my own traumas in satirical fashion. But it also helped me understand the foundations of certain unhealthy behaviors I exhibit. Useful and entertaining. I recommend it and will probably refer back to it.

[Claudio Arato · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a sneaky book. The traumatized are the parents reading this because the reader will find elements of themselves and those around them in the tenets of this book. It comes across as "this is what you are already doing so be prepared", so some of it hits pretty close to home. There are some actual real thoughts in there. A good read, like how good it feels after the band aid has been ripped away.

[Elizabeth Webber · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know it's supposed to be funny, and some parts really are, but mostly I felt profoundly sad reading this. I don't want to feel sad reading a book like this. Maybe that's a "me" issue, not the book. Too close to reality for too many kiddos for my taste.

Five stars for the "Validation is for parking" line though!

[Liam · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a fun book, take it with a huge dose of irony to really enjoy it x)
It's also pretty accurate, I must say careful with the subject if you're a traumatized child, it can be a bit bitter to read sometimes, but anyhow, it's a good book, would recommend to read it on front of your parents just so they ask you about it x))

[Caelea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Imagine writing a book so politically incorrect and potentially offensive that you can't give your real name as the author. I loved this handy guidebook, as I could relate to it in each chapter. In fact, this was so funny, I gave it to all the new parents in my family.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This obviously tongue-in-cheek parenting book is actually fairly practical and often humbling. Realizing, "oh...I did that how many times today??" can be discouraging, but also might just be the kick in the pants needed to do better tomorrow!

[Kimberly Benfield]

This book is so awesome! I bought it as a gag gift for my partner who is a therapist, but the content is filled with amazing insights. Seriously, all parents need to own this book so they can learn what not to do!

[Kat5 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obviously satirical, it was also well written and fun. Having a history of childhood trauma myself, I was actually able to recognize some of my own experiences from a different perspective and laugh. It is an easy read, and honestly great for a guest room or bathroom.

[Scott09g · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was pretty funny. Got it as a gag gift from my nephew the Christmas after my wife and I had our first child. You just have to take it as satire and enjoy the ride. If you actually followed the advice this book outlines then something is wrong with you.

[Carina Herlina · Rating 4 out of 5]

The sections feel pretty “copy and paste” for all the chapters, but the information are helpful so that we can avoid doing any of the traumatizing parenting styles. The contents are hilarious too, which makes it fun to read it to my husband.