Letters from Motherless Daughters: Words of Courage, Grief, and Healing

by Hope Edelman

Revisiting the profoundly important subject of mother loss, Letters From Motherless Daughters is a compilation of real letters written by women in response to the ground-breaking New York Times bestseller Motherless Daughters.When Motherless Daughters was first published in 1994, author Hope Edelman--through research, interviews, and personal experience--helped women across the country deal with the pain of losing a mother. Finally they felt free to discuss and try to understand their unique form of grief, and perhaps most importantly, they felt that they were not alone in their loss.The overwhelming number of letters she received in response to Motherless Daughters prompted Hope Edelman to publish Letters From Motherless Daughters. Reaffirming her precious link with motherless women across the country, Hope presents these moving, honest, and often hopeful letters, along with her own insight, and offers readers a chance to further learn from this loss. Chapters are divided by the number of years since mother loss, and each addresses the significant issues of that stage. Hope also includes information on starting or joining a support group, and offers suggested reading for motherless women. The words of these brave women illustrate the profound pain, the astounding strength, and the undying perseverance to live on, but never outlive the need for one's mother.of police barricades, the razor-sharp line between life and death, the unforgiving chasm

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Mental Health, Death, Memoir

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

Hope Edelman is the internationally acclaimed author of eight nonfiction books, including the bestsellers Motherless Daughters and Motherless Mothers, as well as the upcoming book, The Aftergrief. She has lectured extensively on the subjects of early loss and also on nonfiction writing in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. Her articles and reviews have appeared in numerous publications, including the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Glamour, Child, Seventeen, Real Simple, Parents, Writer’s Digest, and Self, and her original essays have appeared in many anthologies. Her work has received a New York Times notable book of the year designation and a Pushcart Prize for creative nonfiction. She lives in Los Angeles and Iowa City, where she can be found every July teaching at the Iowa Summer Writing Festival.

Reviews

[Marianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Each of Hope Edelman's books created break through moments for me. This one in particular made me realize that I am not (by any means) the only women without a mother. I was sitting at a coffee shop (imagine that :-) and half way through one of the letters, I forget which, I looked around the other women sitting by me and in an instant I lost my judgement, my anger, my belief that they all had what I didn't - a mother. How did I know what there stories were, I couldn't neither could they. It was a beautiful moment to let so much anger drain right out of me on the payment below. A few times a year I find myself on my living room floor sitting in front of my book shelf and re-reading the letters from women who are complete strangers to me but good friends. I am never alone in my Motherlessness, that is comforting.

[Russ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I lost my dad at age eight, so I was intrigued by what I might learn from the experiences of motherless daughters. This book is full of raw, honest voices from women who lost their mothers, and the weight of that grief comes through on every page. I found myself needing to put it down often just to process.

One thing that really stood out to me was how often fathers showed up in these stories—not as sources of strength, but as another kind of loss. Many seemed unable to step into the role their daughters needed after their mothers died, which added another layer of pain.

I also found myself wishing there had been more hope woven throughout. A few contributors wrote from a place of faith, and those moments offered comfort and perspective. But those voices were rare, and overall the book left me with a heavier heart than I expected.

Still, I think this book is incredibly important for anyone who has gone through the loss of a parent. It may not lift you up, but it will remind you that you’re not alone in your grief.

[Jessi · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was interesting reading the personal experiences of different women who lost their mothers young. Although all the experiences of the women in this book are very different, they originate from a shared experience - the loss of their mother.
One thing I liked about this book is that each chapter was organized by different timeframes after the loss of the women’s mother. For example: chapter one includes letter written within the first year after they lost their mother. Chapter two includes letters written between one to five years after they lost their mothers. In this way, the reader can see examples of how women cope during each phase of loss.
I approve of this book and will be keeping it as a resource for the future.

[Carmel Breathnach · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book. Here is a link to a blog post I wrote about this book and 9 others I recommend to those whose mothers have died. https://alovelywoman.wordpress.com/20...
Hope EdelmanLetters from Motherless Daughters: Words of Courage, Grief, and Healing

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was so incredibly helpful to read these letters. It helped me realize that losing a mother is never easy and that it will likely be the most profound death any woman will ever mourn. I felt comforted that I am not alone in my grief, but was also saddened to realize that I will always miss my mother with such powerful longing.

[Lisa Vegan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did enjoy this book and I’m glad that I read it. The first sequel to the Motherless Daughters book. It was comforting to hear others’ stories. (I haven’t been interested in the several other sequels, although I might have been if my life experiences had gone differently.

[Jessi · Rating 4 out of 5]

The 11th anniversary of my mother's death is this week, and I figured it was time to finish this book that I started last year around this time. It is a follow-up to Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss , which I loved and appreciated more than I could express. In this new book, Hope Edelman compiles letters she received in the 20 years after Motherless Daughters was published and writes of the patterns she sees based on how long ago the writers lost their mothers. The timelines are as follows:

- Adjustment and Acceptance: The First Year
- Searching for Meaning: One to Five Years
- Pain Turns to Longing: Five to Ten Years
- Experience Turns to Insight: Ten to Twenty Years
- Lives Shaped by Loss: Twenty Years and Beyond

As noted, I fall in the 10-20 years category but was affected, in some way, by each letter in this book. Reading letters from women who had recently lost their mothers reminded me of the shock and pain I went through in the early years. I recalled how I adjusted to life without my mom, realizing that I was no longer the same person I had been before. For a long time, I thought I even looked different in pictures and was surprised that others couldn't see that I wasn't who I had been before. Now I feel as one daughter described, "The pain has never subsided completely - it never will - but I no longer wear it on my sleeve."

I have completely marked up this book and Motherless Daughters and will continue to return to both as needed. I am thankful to have discovered these and would recommend them again and again.

[Tess Huelskamp · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was fine. I did like this collection of letters and how they were segmented into different “stages” of grief people experience. I did ultimately find myself wanting more details out of the letters… I felt that they were edited down to be more digestible. I also wasn’t a fan of how the author pronounced, without citing anything, the stages of friend people went through as if they were fact.

Overall, it was cathartic reading this collection of letters… it was comforting to read that others experienced similar emotions to me 5-7 years after my mom had died.

[Emily V. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Being early in my grief, I’m looking for people who I can try to relate to. From what I read (I abandoned it due to it not fitting my purpose right now), this book was not it. The majority of the women’s moms died of cancer and most all of them view their mom in a very loving, no baggage, way. I can definitely see the benefit of this book, just not for me.

[Angie Cherney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I actually liked this book better than the original book, "Motherless Daughters" which I'm currently reading. Letters from Motherless Daughters is incredibly validating. It's deeply comforting and refreshing to read of other women's experiences and feelings of grief after the loss of a mother. It's easy to read and not overly long. Definitely recommend!

[Madison · Rating 2 out of 5]

sadly i can’t remember a lot about this book besides it was well written, it took me a long time to finish and i kept thinking…. i don’t think i’m the target audience for this and that’s the problem.

*writing one year after reading after discovering goodreads

[Chrystal Ratz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an emotional type of read and really touches on my heart strings.




This would be an emotional genre with words of encouragement, grief and healing.

[Mackenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful read, it helped me through an extremely hard time. I recommend it to any daughter who has lost their mother.

[Maria Caruso · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this was the original Motherless Daughters book. The letters are somewhat comforting to know there are similar stories out there, but I wish I had read the original first.

[Jordan Evans · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't love it but it did what I needed it to. beautifully written, but a bit long-winded

[Ann Garth]

(1.5)

[Suzanne LaPierre · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book consists of letters written to author Hope Edelman after her publication of Motherless Daughters. The letters are mostly from women who lost mothers as girls or teens, and are divided into segments based on the recentness the loss. I think this is an excellent book to give teens who have lost a parent, or older women who lost a mother as a child or teen. However, I did not find as much here for mature women grieving the loss of a mother as I did in the original Motherless Daughters. Therefore, I recommend this book for teens struggling with the loss of a mother, and the original Motherless Daughters for older women. My mother was disabled while I was in my 20's but did not pass away until much later. I was hoping to find some similar stories here of that kind of long-term loss spread out over time- there weren't any here, but there are a variety of stories ranging from mother loss as a result of abandonment, accidental death or suicide, and many from those who lost mothers to cancer. Many of the emotions are universal, but I think we all long to find others whose experiences more closely mirror our own.

[Beth Orchard · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this book after reading two others: Motherless Mothers and Motherless Daughters. The books were helpful to me in sorting out why I have a difficult relationship with my own mother to this day. Though not in the traditional sense of loss, my mother 'checked out' after her first marriage imploded, ending in her having a nervous breakdown and losing custody of her own children for a time. She met and married my father. I realized I was born (after my brother) during a separation between my parents. My mom had a friend go with her to the hospital and did not allow him to go there. They married again soon after and then divorced for the final (second) time soon after that.

Some of the stories in the previous books addressed this issue. Only one letter in this book seemed to address being motherless in this situation with a note from a woman whose mother left when she was an infant. She never remembered her, but the feelings she had growing up and subsequently as an adult mirrored my own, especially following the birth of my first child (a son).

I was resentful for having to deal with such negative energy from her and negative emotions about myself as a mother and the birth experience and all of it tied in together. It was overall a very discouraging and frustrating postpartum period. I feel like her letters in this book never quite adequately address this part which previous books did.

I guess where the gaps exist, perhaps I can help fill them in. I'm working on my own memoir, trying to sort this out for myself. I need to find the stories to tell that make sense and bring closure to this so i can move on in my life.

I wish this book had addressed these particular issues of 'abandonment' as loss because they are felt as deeply as if the mother was dead. I've had several 'funerals' for my mother over the years for what she will never be to me - a real tried and true mother who is there for me no matter what. I don't even have it in my mother-in-law so I feel twice as lonely as ever having neither mother really be 'there' for me in the way I had hoped.

The book is a good one for individuals seeking support through loss and understanding one another's stories.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

In my book, Hope Edelman can go no wrong. Presenting a broad but applicable view of motherless daughters is a nearly impossible task, but when I read her books, I often feel like they're talking right to me, about me. I wonder if every motherless daughter gets that when they read her as well?

Anyway, this is full of insightful little paragraphs from hope and thoughts/feelings from women at different stages in their motherlessness. It was a valuable way to revisit the insights of "Motherless Daughters" without getting bogged down in that big (but helpful!) book. Brilliant idea, Hope!

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book from a friend 3 years ago and for some odd reason felt compelled to read it. I found it very insightful for me in understanding some of the issues I have dealt with losing my mother when I was six.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

So still having my mother alive kind of made me feel like I was excluded from a group even though I have lost a family member. Having lost a mother, I am guessing, is not an easy thing to go through and I'm glad that this book was put together for others who are going through the same situaltion.

[Susie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the first of her books I read, and it was so profound to find through these essays that I wasn't alone and validated that losing my mom was the hardest thing I'd ever experienced. And that it's okay.

[Liz Whiston-Dean · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book even more than the first Motherless Daughters (which I did love). In addition to showing the impact of mother loss, the letters help the reader to feel less alone. Beautiful and healing.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm in this book.

[Elyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a vital companion to Motherless Daughters; the letters from other readers of the book create even greater resonance for those women dealing with this loss.

[Camille · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not quite as moving to me as "Motherless Daughters", but good in its own right.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helped me to realize that each decade of my life there is a new thing to miss about not having my mom anymore.
This book let me know I am not alone.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This collection made me realize that I am not alone in my grief and people actually feel what I feel.

[Tracy Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was a contributor to this book, using the pseudonym, Barbara.

[meeschka · Rating 3 out of 5]

very sad. tough to read. i wanted it to be more hopeful...but i suppose that's too perky an attitude for a subject like this...