Taking Responsibility

by Nathaniel Braden

Arguing that people can have control over their lives only if they take responsibility for themselves, a guide to self-realization and self-esteem explains the difference between victim power and personal power. 35,000 first printing. Tour.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Philosophy, Business, Personal Growth

Hardcover

First published January 1, 1996

Reviews

[Shashank · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good idea taken too far, way toooo far in this case, becomes an absurd idea.

Taking individual responsibility for our life, our choices, and what we do in response to others and our own experience can be liberating and empowering. This can lead to self-analysis and growth. Solid psychological insight on its own. First he makes that the center piece of his psychology which is a bit limiting and tends to dismiss a lot that has to do with interpersonal relationships, healthy dependence/trust, empathetic ability, lasting trauma, and actual societal problems to name but a few things. Still I felt self-responsibility was an insightful enough perspective to see the world through, at least for a time.

Then he extends this insight to explain all of society and politics. At this point the book is laughable, trying to reduce the whole social world into an already limited individual idea of self-responsibility. It did help explain some of his inability to actually hear aspects of people’s stories in the therapeutic examples he gave.

I had a teacher in college who said you have to be careful with philosophies. Someone can make many good arguments that you are convinced by but then keep making small jumps or omissions as they proceed in the argument and if you’re not careful by the end you’ll find yourself being persuaded into some horrific positions. It’s always good to look around at where an argument has lead you periodically and examine how you got here. This advice has been greatly helpful in my life and it was helpful reading this book which makes all sorts of unfounded leaps in its arguments, and many omissions in its data.

I still give it three stars because when he talks about the basic psychological benefit of self-responsibility it is a four star book, and that is about 70% of the book. When he tries to reduce our subjective lives to that one insight it’s a 2 star book [20% of the book], and when he reduces all of society and politics to self-responsibility it's just garbage [10% of the book].

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are a lot of parts of this book that I took a lot of notes on but had to stop reading when I got to the Randian Libtertarian bullshit.

[Sean · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book, it was a great combination of ways to improve mental self-awareness and excellent philosophy. It also explains the idea of social metaphysics, where most people give up their personality and individualism to be part of a social whole, often with very negative results. Yet, it explains why so many people believe in self-destructive ideas.
Later in the book, it is revealed that increasing your self-responsibility increases your happiness and success. There are also excellent parallels with objectivism: accepting the world as it is really is, and addressing the things that under your control.
If you like this book, be sure to check out Ayn Rand's works, as well.

[Soha · Rating 5 out of 5]

اين كتاب رو با ترجمه مهدي قراچه داغي خوندم و واقعا كتاب فوق العاده اي بود. براي من خيلي چيزها روشن شد.👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

[Zayd Jawad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phenomenal book. It should be required reading for anyone that wants to move forward in their lives and is ready to let go of any kind of victim-mindset!

[Dragomir Draganov · Rating 2 out of 5]

Противоречиво четиво. По своему - апологетика на индивидуализма и любовта към себе си. Никой не трябва да бъде "пастир на брата си", казва Натаниъл Брандън. Никой не трябва да оправдава собственото си съществуване чрез служене на другите. Всеки е отговорен за собственото си щастие, за собствения си живот и за собственото си благополучие. Обаче може ли тази доктрина да донесе траен вътрешен мир? Има достатъчно доказателства, че основните причини за някои от най-широко разпространените ментални проблеми са свързани с епизоди на причинено насилие, игнориране от страна на значими други, социална изолация, загуба на близък човек, т.е. все социални отношения, при които човек е бил пренебрегнат от другите или е останал сам без емоционална или друга подкрепа. Някои биха намерили причината в това, че доктрината на индивидуализма не е възприета от всички в достатъчна степен и страдащите страдат, защото не са проактивни, а пасивни и реактивни, очаквайки някой друг да ги измъкне от страданието им. И защото така им е по-удобно - не искат да поемат отговорност. Други може би ще интерпретират без обвинение: "Колкото по-загрижени за щастието на другите сме, толкова по-голямо става нашето усещане за благосъстояние. (...) Това е основният източник на успех в живота. (...) ...дали го осъзнаваме или не, от деня, в който се родим, нуждата от човешка обич е в кръвта ни." (https://www.dalailama.com/messages/co...). Възможно ли е тези две гледни точки да бъдат съчетани в живота на един съвсем обикновен и непросветен човек?

[Eva · Rating 2 out of 5]

Recommended by a friend, but there was little I could relate to. A couple interesting ideas, though:

+ Even if you're not "to blame" for something, you should focus on what you can do about it/despite it.

+ Part of being an adult is deciding what you think and want, and being OK with the fact that your parents might think and want something different for you.

[Adolfo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Too one-note as you would expect from a former lover of Ayn Rand.

[Katrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read a lot of self help books. This one is at the top! It was just what I needed to continue my healing journey. I usually track my favorite quotes and put them in my review. I started out doing this but couldn’t. I would have to type all of pages 39-41 and pages 135-139. Pg 140 has a lot of great information!

“Your life is in your hands; you are responsible for your actions and choices. What do you want to do?” Pg. 141

“There’s no leverage in blaming. Power is rooted in self-responsibility. What are you willing to do to make your life better?” Pg. 141

“What victims of abuse, sexual or otherwise, need is understanding and compassion, to be sure. But they also need support in appreciating that they are more than their past traumas, more than their problems, and that they have the resources to conquer and grow beyond misfortune. They need to know that they are not sentenced to a lifelong incapacitation. They are not helped by being defined in terms of the least resourceful moments of their existence-“ Pg. 142

I have read a lot of self help books. This one is at the top! It was just what I needed to continue my healing journey. I usually track my favorite quotes and put them in my review. I started out doing this but couldn’t. I would have to type all of pages 39-41 and pages 135-139. Here is what I did manage to type up:
“Many people find it easier to say yes to unreasonable requests than to stand up for their own interests. Taking on responsibilities that properly belong to someone else means behaving irresponsibly toward oneself. All of us need to know where we end and someone else begins; we need to understand boundaries. We need to know what is and is not up to us, what is and is not within our control, and what is and is not our responsibility.” Pg. 12
“If we are to have a world that works, we need a culture of accountability.” Pg. 13
“To live responsibly is an act of intelligence and integrity, not of self-sacrifice.” Pg. 15
To experience another human being in his or her humanity, we need to be in touch with our own.” Pg. 84
No one is coming to save me; no one is coming to solve my problems. If I don’t do something, nothing is going to get better.” Pg. 110
The refusal to be a victim,in situations where real choices do exist, is one of the meanings of self-responsibility.” Pg. 116 “
No part of the therapeutic agenda as I conceive it is to persuade the client that someone else is to blame for his or her problems. Neither is the client encouraged to self-blame. Rather the client is taught to substitute for the question who’s to blame? the question What needs to be done?” Pg. 126 “
defenses exist to serve a purpose and I did not want him to feel overwhelmed when he awakened from the trance.” Pg. 127 “
Whatever his parents’ short comings might have been, the problem was now within him and had to be solved internally.” Pg. 131 “
When people are encouraged to see themselves as victims, the danger is that they will remain stuck in passivity and in the belief that only other people can rescue them.” Pg. 132
A preoccupation with blaming leaves the blamed disempowered. “You made me what I am today-I hope your satisfied!” Blaming is a dead end. What is needed is a focus on solutions, which entails discovering one’s own resources and mobilizing the will to use them.” Pg. 137
The goal of acceptance, in this context, is to let go of pain, resentment, and over-absorption with the past. In other words, to separate and move on.” Pg. 138 “
Your life is in your hands; you are responsible for your actions and choices. What do you want to do?” Pg. 141 “
There’s no leverage in blaming. Power is rooted in self-responsibility. What are you willing to do to make your life better?” Pg. 141
“What victims of abuse, sexual or otherwise, need is understanding and compassion, to be sure. But they also need support in appreciating that they are more than their past traumas, more than their problems, and that they have the resources to conquer and grow beyond misfortune. They need to know that they are not sentenced to a lifelong incapacitation. They are not helped by being defined in terms of the least resourceful moments of their existence-“ Pg. 142
“If I feel unlovable, I will find a way to sabotage my romantic happiness because I will feel I do not deserve it.” Pg. 149 “
To love someone is to know and love his or her person. Love without consciousness, insight, or knowledge is not love.” Pg. 150 “
To express our wants may not guarantee fulfillment, but to suppress them does guarantee frustration.” Pg. 155
“We have a responsibility to treat ourselves with the respect we hope to receive from others. Otherwise, when seeking love we ask for a contradiction.” Pg. 156
If we are in a serious relationship and I say I love you, you have a right to expect that I will be interested in your thoughts and feelings, and that when you speak I will give you a respectful and attentive heari

[Hesam m · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not an easy to book to read. It will take you through a journey of your life decisions, through pain and grief, you may drop it when things get tough.

Having read Branden’s other titles, this one takes the idea of self responsibility introduced in Six pillars of self esteem further into more details and aspects.
Branden explores the childhood, relationships, career and society and tries to define what self responsibility means in each context. I recommend it to everyone who is struggling with the idea of self responsibility, for one who wants to explore the boundaries of this idea and to foster it.

[Payam Dowlatyari · Rating 5 out of 5]

Taking Responsibility is another well-written and practical book by Nathaniel Brandon whose efforts and teachings have been guiding many people including myself to have a better understanding of life and learn a more satisfactory way of living. The most significant lesson I learned from this book, was the fact that taking responsibility is, without any doubt, our only road to freedom and liberty. The author has a famous quote that states, "Nobody is coming!". That means, I should take care of myself and I am responsible for my own physical and mental well-being always and forever.

[Taylor Ellwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author focuses on how people can take responsibility for their lives. It’s a book that many people might have reactions to because of how much it focuses on individualism, but I think the underlying practice is sound. I appreciated the sentence stem practice as well as the overall focus on how to take responsibility in different areas of one’s life. I have been applying it to my life and have felt more confidence as a result.

[Kiana Docherty · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I would have liked this book more if I hadn't already read several of Nathaniel Branden's other books. Honoring The Self & The Six Pillars of Self Esteem say a lot of the same stuff but much more succinctly. You can get the most valuable parts of 'Taking Responsibility' from those other two almost word for word (and imo they're more enjoyable to read!).

[Małgorzata Białek · Rating 1 out of 5]

Niech ten pan zostawi politykę i sprawy społeczne w spokoju. Wartość psychologiczna ginie pod naporem bełkotu o libertarianizmie, potędze wolnego rynku i zachwytami nad Ameryką z ostatnich stron.Oczywiście, mówiąc o Ameryce, pan ma na myśli tylko i wyłącznie Stany Zjednoczone...

[Florin Roșoga · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oriented on how to practice Branden's stems and exercises. I found it very helpful.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first chapter or two of this book was a boring refresher for those already familiar with Branden's work, and who already live by the ideals of Ayn Rand. However, I did glean lots of very useful points from the subsequent chapters, which broke down the concepts of responsibility under the contexts of parenting, intimate relationships, etc. - basically all of the different circumstances under which you would need to apply the principles in life.

As a student of therapy, I also really enjoyed the stories Branden told about his private practice clients and the decisions they came to as a result of his work. Some are very funny and they make the reading easier! Finally, I did do some of the sentence-completion exercises that Branden says he uses in his practice and that seems like a window to opportunity for any reader who wants a bit of therapy without the cost! Overall, a very useful book!

[Daniel Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Australia, we have a culture of helplessness and victimization.

Nathaniel Branden strikes at the root of those beliefs and offers a path to self-reliance. First, he teaches you how to live responsibly and what the pay-offs for doing so will be. Then he shows how to create organizations filled with self-reliant individuals. He closes by showing how a nation filled with such people and organizations can lead to a government that does more good than harm.

While I've been aware of Branden's work for some time, this is the first of his books I've read. His emphasis on our power to choose as the basis of achievement and self-esteem has saturated many modern self-help writers. When self-esteem is seen this way, as being based on sound character and competence, it's a helpful way to view it.

If you've ever made an excuse for your behavior or why you haven't got your desired results, then this book is for you.

[James Henderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Autonomy and self-responsibility are attributes of individuals that appear with less frequency every day. Nathaniel Branden is able in this short book to share both theory and practical ideas for the reader to expand his awareness of life and its possibilities through developing these attributes. By the end of the book you are able to understand why he says that "an attitude of self-responsibility must be generated from within the individual." Branden provides tools and suggests methods but the individual must take his own responsibility through action.
There is a valuable bibliography and index to augment the value of this useful and challenging book.

[Megan Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this was a required text for our teacher professional development at school, it found me at an ideal time in my personal life. I've always struggled with self-esteem issues but I do take responsibility for many of the choices in my life. But this book illuminated the idea of how important self-esteem can be to living an accountable life. Seeing how my boyfriend broke up with me because of my severe emotions, this book will help me develop skills to be successful in a future relationship as well as how to better help my students take responsibility for their learning in my classroom.

[Private Account · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love Nathaniel Branden! There is no psychologist as clear and consistent. Branden thinks through--to the end the implications--of everything he asserts and I really appreciate that. This book was excellent. Great for bosses and families who want to know how to "get others" to take more responsibility. The answer of course is the same as it always is: model, practice self-awareness, be willing to know what you know, and don't carry people.

[deLille · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have lent this book to so many people. I also gave it to my employees who wanted to know "what makes the boss tick". This book expresses so many of the core values I wish more people had in terms of how they conduct themselves and live their lives. I think it's hard for anyone to read this book without thinking of all the people they know who they wish would read the book.

[Lemanakmelo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a fascinating read. There were a lot of insights I found about myself, and well-written paragraphs that seemed to use the exactly correct words. I didn't find myself compelled or drawn to read the book the way I am compelled with some fiction books, but all the useful insights in the book compelled me to read.

[J Crossley · Rating 3 out of 5]

When you have the power to take responsibility for your life, and own the things that you do, your integrity goes up. Too often we play the victim because that is the easy thing to do. It is much more difficult to take responsibility for your actions, to own them, and to live with the consequences of your actions.

[Nathan Titus · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent read. Not normally a big fan of psychology but this focused on things I couldn't help but agree with. Practicing the advice in this book would make us all better people. Indeed the whole world would be better if we learned to take responsibility.