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Women Without Kids
What is "woman" if not "mother"?
Anything she wants to be.
Foregoing motherhood has traditionally marked a woman as "other." With no official place setting for her in our society, she has hovered on the the quirky girl, the neurotic career obsessive, the "eccentric" aunt. Instead of continuing to paint women without kids as sad, self-obsessed, or somehow dysfunctional, what if we saw them as boldly forging a new vision for a fully autonomous womankind? Or as journalist and thought leader Ruby Warrington asks, what if being a woman without kids were in fact its own kind of legacy?
Taking in themes from intergenerational healing to feminism to environmentalism, this personal look and anthropological dig into a stubbornly taboo topic is a timely and brave reframing of what it means not to be a mum. Whether we are childless by design or circumstance, we can live without regret, shame, or compromise.
Bold and tenderhearted, Women Without Kids seeks first and foremost to help validate a path that is the natural consequence of women having more say about the choices we make and how our lives play out. Within this, it unites the unsung sisterhood of non-mothers as a vital part of our evolution and collective healing as women, as humans, and as a global family.
Anything she wants to be.
Foregoing motherhood has traditionally marked a woman as "other." With no official place setting for her in our society, she has hovered on the the quirky girl, the neurotic career obsessive, the "eccentric" aunt. Instead of continuing to paint women without kids as sad, self-obsessed, or somehow dysfunctional, what if we saw them as boldly forging a new vision for a fully autonomous womankind? Or as journalist and thought leader Ruby Warrington asks, what if being a woman without kids were in fact its own kind of legacy?
Taking in themes from intergenerational healing to feminism to environmentalism, this personal look and anthropological dig into a stubbornly taboo topic is a timely and brave reframing of what it means not to be a mum. Whether we are childless by design or circumstance, we can live without regret, shame, or compromise.
Bold and tenderhearted, Women Without Kids seeks first and foremost to help validate a path that is the natural consequence of women having more say about the choices we make and how our lives play out. Within this, it unites the unsung sisterhood of non-mothers as a vital part of our evolution and collective healing as women, as humans, and as a global family.
240 pages, Hardcover
First published March 28, 2023
About the author
Ruby Warrington
12 books144 followersRuby Warrington is a lifestyle writer and former features editor of the UK's Sunday Times Style supplement. In 2013, she created The Numinous, an online magazine that bridges the gap between the mystical and the mainstream. She is also cofounder of Moon Club, an online mentoring program for spiritual activists, and "sober curious" event series Club SODA NYC. She now lives in New York City with her husband, Simon (a.k.a "the Pisces").
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 383 reviews
April 10, 2023
Okay, I have to be honest: I'm not finished with this book. I'm just over halfway. But I am so devastatingly disappointed that I'm putting it down for a while. I can't read it at night, it gets under my skin too much. When I have the mental fortitude, I might try to finish it... we'll see.
I went out and bought this book from my local bookstore after hearing author Ruby Warrington on Jameela Jamil's fantastic podcast "I Weigh." Warrington and Jamil's conversation was electric for a woman like me: mid-30s and in a marriage where we decided not to have children. In the podcast, they discussed the family you choose vs. the family you are born into, the state of the climate and the world, how individualistic priorities can be. I am so sick of people asking me "why" when I say I don't have kids. It doesn't make any sense to me why folks think they have the right to ask me to defend my life choices. I hear it almost as much as I hear "but do you get enough protein" when folks find out I'm a pesca-mostly-vege-tarian. So I ran to the bookstore to read a book where I would see myself reflected.
Despite how deeply seen I felt listening to the aforementioned podcast, I felt abandoned reading this book.
Warrington makes grand, sweeping claims that are backed up by nothing. Most women who don't have children bonded more with their fathers?! What?! No, bish. Women who don't have children are introverts? Ha! As if. Women who don't have children are...
Stop trying to define us! There is no "look" to women without children. I thought that was the point???
It felt like she was trying to answer that "why" that women without children are often met with. Which is so besides the point in my opinion. We don't owe anyone the "why." Let's talk about the "how" and celebrate different families. That's another thing, she treats the word "family" as one that pertains to units with children. No. I have a family. It's me and my husband. Full stop.
A large part of this book is basically a memoir. False advertising.
I'm really tired and really frustrated. I just wanted a book that celebrated all the things a woman without kids is, rather than focus on what she isn't. Warrington says she interviewed many people, but I haven't heard from hardly any of them more than halfway through the book. I guess we have to start somewhere with this conversation, but I don't want anyone in my life to read this book. It honestly feels like it would give those people a free pass to pathologize me, which is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. This book could have been a triumph. It was a let down.
I went out and bought this book from my local bookstore after hearing author Ruby Warrington on Jameela Jamil's fantastic podcast "I Weigh." Warrington and Jamil's conversation was electric for a woman like me: mid-30s and in a marriage where we decided not to have children. In the podcast, they discussed the family you choose vs. the family you are born into, the state of the climate and the world, how individualistic priorities can be. I am so sick of people asking me "why" when I say I don't have kids. It doesn't make any sense to me why folks think they have the right to ask me to defend my life choices. I hear it almost as much as I hear "but do you get enough protein" when folks find out I'm a pesca-mostly-vege-tarian. So I ran to the bookstore to read a book where I would see myself reflected.
Despite how deeply seen I felt listening to the aforementioned podcast, I felt abandoned reading this book.
Warrington makes grand, sweeping claims that are backed up by nothing. Most women who don't have children bonded more with their fathers?! What?! No, bish. Women who don't have children are introverts? Ha! As if. Women who don't have children are...
Stop trying to define us! There is no "look" to women without children. I thought that was the point???
It felt like she was trying to answer that "why" that women without children are often met with. Which is so besides the point in my opinion. We don't owe anyone the "why." Let's talk about the "how" and celebrate different families. That's another thing, she treats the word "family" as one that pertains to units with children. No. I have a family. It's me and my husband. Full stop.
A large part of this book is basically a memoir. False advertising.
I'm really tired and really frustrated. I just wanted a book that celebrated all the things a woman without kids is, rather than focus on what she isn't. Warrington says she interviewed many people, but I haven't heard from hardly any of them more than halfway through the book. I guess we have to start somewhere with this conversation, but I don't want anyone in my life to read this book. It honestly feels like it would give those people a free pass to pathologize me, which is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. This book could have been a triumph. It was a let down.
April 27, 2023
Expected more data (less generalizations and anecdotal evidence) and women voices but got mostly a preachy memoir.
April 12, 2023
“Women Without Children” was like a wise and open hearted friend welcoming me home after a long, arduous journey.* As per usual, I knew nothing about the book outside of cover, and I likely never would have given it a chance if it wasn’t for it being free to borrow from the Libby app. I had finally made peace with not being a mother, so what was the point? Well, it turns out, I needed to feel a deep connection with Ruby. It’s as if she saw parts of my life, read my mind, and shared my heart through her baby memoir. (“Baby” meaning a new child, and also meaning “small amount” of her life’s story.)
I wish this book was around when I found myself unable to become a mother over a decade ago. No amount of money, treatments/science, hard work, or creativity was able to make my life’s dream come true. For the first time ever, I was not able to “make” something happen in my life (including adoption, fostering, etc.*) I grappled with the question: “Who am I if I’m not a mother?” (Even though I knew, deep down, I was still worthy of being alive and contributing to humanity even though others in my realm felt inclined to discount this or, at worst, pity me.)
I then found myself slapped with the understanding that I didn’t truly have a mother, either (though she was always extremely present in my life. See: enmeshment). Ruby touches on aspects of family dysfunction, the toxic beliefs of our society, along with a boatload of female empowerment.
It was in 2019 when I realized that not only was I “okay” with not having children, but that I actually loved it and am genuinely happy to be childless. To go from absolute devastation to genuine gratitude in this area really blew me away and, ironically, shows me that all things are possible. ;)
Ruby wrote a real gem. It’s one I can listen to over and over again.
.
.
.
.
.
*I’m sure if I stuck with it and refused to let my dream go, I could have eventually became a mother via adoption, fostering, or having step children, but I had a knowing that my form of mothering in this lifetime would not be conventional.
I wish this book was around when I found myself unable to become a mother over a decade ago. No amount of money, treatments/science, hard work, or creativity was able to make my life’s dream come true. For the first time ever, I was not able to “make” something happen in my life (including adoption, fostering, etc.*) I grappled with the question: “Who am I if I’m not a mother?” (Even though I knew, deep down, I was still worthy of being alive and contributing to humanity even though others in my realm felt inclined to discount this or, at worst, pity me.)
I then found myself slapped with the understanding that I didn’t truly have a mother, either (though she was always extremely present in my life. See: enmeshment). Ruby touches on aspects of family dysfunction, the toxic beliefs of our society, along with a boatload of female empowerment.
It was in 2019 when I realized that not only was I “okay” with not having children, but that I actually loved it and am genuinely happy to be childless. To go from absolute devastation to genuine gratitude in this area really blew me away and, ironically, shows me that all things are possible. ;)
Ruby wrote a real gem. It’s one I can listen to over and over again.
.
.
.
.
.
*I’m sure if I stuck with it and refused to let my dream go, I could have eventually became a mother via adoption, fostering, or having step children, but I had a knowing that my form of mothering in this lifetime would not be conventional.
January 12, 2023
Thank you to NetGalley, Sounds True Publishing, and author, Ruby Warrington for providing an arc in exchange for an honest review. Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood comes out on March 28, 2023. This book was my favorite Nonfiction read of 2022!
Since I received an arc, I cannot link my highlights - which probably would be half of this book. The author's voice was so strong and thought-provoking. I absolutely adored the book's discussion of feminism, environmentalism, sisterhood, and interviews with women. My only disappointment was Ruby's decision not to title the book "Selfish C*nt" for obvious marketing reasons :(
Here are some of my favorite quotes, though it was hard to choose:
-"At best, a woman who is not also a mother is seen as a strange bird, faulty goods. If she can’t have kids she is often portrayed as sad and damaged (“ Such a shame”); if she simply won’t (rarely is it that straightforward) she is either deluded, destined to regret it, or written off as cold-hearted, narcissistic, and career-obsessed. What a selfish c*nt."
-" Pronatalism is what tells us that it is selfish and narcissistic not to have kids. Pronatalism is what makes women feel like they have “failed” when they can’t get pregnant. Pronatalism is what denounces queer sex, and all non-procreative sex, as “perverse.” Pronatalism is what turns up the volume on our biological clocks; what gives other people permission to nose into our private business; and what gives politicians a say about what we do with our wombs. Pronatalism is also the reason there is still no specific, widely used terminology that validates the life-path of women without kids: we are non-mothers, women without kids, either childless or childfree, all of which emphasize the absence of a child."
-"A shocking illustration of this is the fact that marital rape was legal in the United States until 1975 and was only outlawed in all fifty states as late as 1993.9 The emotional inheritance of this? The belief that men are entitled to the ownership of women’s bodies."
-**"A woman’s mother used to be her first and most vivid role model, but many women without kids are more our fathers’ daughters. After all, it often looked like the better deal— didn’t it? Not all of our fathers have made the best role models in terms of their life choices, but while my mum remained tethered to the stove while struggling to earn enough to make ends meet (she did her therapy training once my brother and I had both left home), my father had always been free to travel, and write, and teach."
-"The underlying message (as in unconscious, and therefore all-powerful) being that a woman being wanted, taken, owned, and ultimately impregnated (by the right person, at the right time) was the natural order of things. And deeply interwoven with this was the notion that men (and society) were essentially entitled to women’s bodies as the means of reproduction."
Since I received an arc, I cannot link my highlights - which probably would be half of this book. The author's voice was so strong and thought-provoking. I absolutely adored the book's discussion of feminism, environmentalism, sisterhood, and interviews with women. My only disappointment was Ruby's decision not to title the book "Selfish C*nt" for obvious marketing reasons :(
Here are some of my favorite quotes, though it was hard to choose:
-"At best, a woman who is not also a mother is seen as a strange bird, faulty goods. If she can’t have kids she is often portrayed as sad and damaged (“ Such a shame”); if she simply won’t (rarely is it that straightforward) she is either deluded, destined to regret it, or written off as cold-hearted, narcissistic, and career-obsessed. What a selfish c*nt."
-" Pronatalism is what tells us that it is selfish and narcissistic not to have kids. Pronatalism is what makes women feel like they have “failed” when they can’t get pregnant. Pronatalism is what denounces queer sex, and all non-procreative sex, as “perverse.” Pronatalism is what turns up the volume on our biological clocks; what gives other people permission to nose into our private business; and what gives politicians a say about what we do with our wombs. Pronatalism is also the reason there is still no specific, widely used terminology that validates the life-path of women without kids: we are non-mothers, women without kids, either childless or childfree, all of which emphasize the absence of a child."
-"A shocking illustration of this is the fact that marital rape was legal in the United States until 1975 and was only outlawed in all fifty states as late as 1993.9 The emotional inheritance of this? The belief that men are entitled to the ownership of women’s bodies."
-**"A woman’s mother used to be her first and most vivid role model, but many women without kids are more our fathers’ daughters. After all, it often looked like the better deal— didn’t it? Not all of our fathers have made the best role models in terms of their life choices, but while my mum remained tethered to the stove while struggling to earn enough to make ends meet (she did her therapy training once my brother and I had both left home), my father had always been free to travel, and write, and teach."
-"The underlying message (as in unconscious, and therefore all-powerful) being that a woman being wanted, taken, owned, and ultimately impregnated (by the right person, at the right time) was the natural order of things. And deeply interwoven with this was the notion that men (and society) were essentially entitled to women’s bodies as the means of reproduction."
May 4, 2023
I was really excited to read this book as someone who has always known they never want children. But I think I went in with the wrong expectations about this book. I really expected it to be more about people who chose not to have children and the full lives they live, but it was really more for people who maybe struggle to know if they want children or not.
Still overall a great read and I think this is a topic that needs to be discussed more! And I think it is a good source for people who are on the fence if they want to have children or not.
Still overall a great read and I think this is a topic that needs to be discussed more! And I think it is a good source for people who are on the fence if they want to have children or not.
April 26, 2023
If this was slightly more academic it would be closer to 4.5 stars, but given her approach I rate this closer to 2.5. I rounded up only because I do want to support authors writing on this topic.
What I thought would be a deep dive into childfree culture was instead more of a self-help book. I did enjoy the portions that functioned more like a literature review on the topic, but ultimately Warrington's history as as self-help author (I even enjoy her work on sobriety!) tainted this book for me. Ending all section with self-reflective questions as though I was looking for a journaling exercise feels counterintuitive to her goal for this to be a rallying cry for revolution. I don't want to form a collective with someone acting as a mentor (childfree doula figure??) rather than as a peer. Personal anecdotes and reflections on the scholarship are totally welcome, self-help on this topic is not.
What I thought would be a deep dive into childfree culture was instead more of a self-help book. I did enjoy the portions that functioned more like a literature review on the topic, but ultimately Warrington's history as as self-help author (I even enjoy her work on sobriety!) tainted this book for me. Ending all section with self-reflective questions as though I was looking for a journaling exercise feels counterintuitive to her goal for this to be a rallying cry for revolution. I don't want to form a collective with someone acting as a mentor (childfree doula figure??) rather than as a peer. Personal anecdotes and reflections on the scholarship are totally welcome, self-help on this topic is not.
May 6, 2023
While I enjoyed the questions Ruby raises about what it means to choose to be child-free, the framing of this as a “radical sisterhood” was frustrating when queer communities have lead in this project for uhhh a long time! The sparse intersectionality in this book borders on ableist TERF territory for me and some of this writing felt too self-indulgent, which was distracting. This truly is a book by and for white women so if you identify that way (which i do) and are questioning if/when to ever have kids in this life, there is something here.
Edit/TLDR: After reading other reviews, I agree it missed the mark by being too self-help oriented and not telling the stories of those surveyed and reporting the data around childless women.
Edit/TLDR: After reading other reviews, I agree it missed the mark by being too self-help oriented and not telling the stories of those surveyed and reporting the data around childless women.
May 24, 2023
Here I am, an almost 40 year old woman, without kids. I did not really end up here as a super conscious choice. It was the kind of thing I was never sure was for me, I put other things before it, then I suffered a loss and then it just didn't happen. I am coming to terms with it and trying to be okay with it and this book did help. Warrington is a journalist, so I did find the book well researched with a lot of interesting points to think about and ponder. There is a lot of discussion on feminism, on pronatalist ideologies that perpetuate the gendered sexual binary, white feminism, and discussions with all kinds of different women and viewpoints. I read it slowly, finding it almost difficult, but in a good way? It made me think, and it made me feel seen and it really does seem like we are at a point of history where motherhood might be a choice, something that can be discussed and not automatic, and hopefully women without kids can began to be seen as full people
June 20, 2026
"Is the meaning of life really only to create more life?"
Ruby Warrington asks readers this along with more complex questions about stigmas and prejudices about women without kids. She does this while acknowledging her privilege and that fact that opting out of motherhood is not an option for many. She also doesn't disparage mothers and simply questions why there is scrutiny around this subject.
Overall, it was a really interesting perspective to read from, told through her own story as well as historical moments that have shaped how women view and choose motherhood.
(3.5)
Ruby Warrington asks readers this along with more complex questions about stigmas and prejudices about women without kids. She does this while acknowledging her privilege and that fact that opting out of motherhood is not an option for many. She also doesn't disparage mothers and simply questions why there is scrutiny around this subject.
Overall, it was a really interesting perspective to read from, told through her own story as well as historical moments that have shaped how women view and choose motherhood.
(3.5)
January 28, 2024
This was all over the place and could’ve benefited from editing. The author goes from memoir to self-help to research in a roundabout pattern, with no clear structure for each chapter. I got tired of her repeating the same arguments halfway through. I was intrigued to read about the subject matter, but ultimately the execution was flawed so I couldn’t recommend this.
Read
June 2, 2024I am a woman who is childfree by choice. It’s taken years for me to be able to brush off people’s feelings and opinions about this, but I’ve landed in a place of complete comfort with my choice and feel immensely grateful to all of the women who came before me who paved the way for me to have this choice at all. I was really excited to read this book.
In my reading experience, the truly revolutionary ideas — that the choice not to have children is the final frontier in women’s rights and the ultimate expression of bodily autonomy, that reproductive identity is completely separate from gender identity, that being childfree can be in service of collective healing for self and humanity, and that it could be the tipping point from a sexual revolution to sexual evolution — are watered down by the fact that the overall focus is to justify all of the reasons not to reproduce rather than celebrating the choice itself. This is largely driven by the author’s own story, which in my opinion is not universal to all women without kids and takes up a lot of the text. The author does make the intent of the book clear in her introduction, but at that point I started to feel like it was a bait and switch.
If you are unsure whether or not you want to be a mother or need help on your journey to make peace with your decision, this book will likely resonate deeply with you and provide a good starting point for reflection. If you are childless by circumstance or feel super clear about your choice to be childfree, you may not find what you’re looking for here, but the author has done some really great podcast interviews I’d recommend.
In short, I’m glad this book exists, but I was hoping for something different than what I got.
In my reading experience, the truly revolutionary ideas — that the choice not to have children is the final frontier in women’s rights and the ultimate expression of bodily autonomy, that reproductive identity is completely separate from gender identity, that being childfree can be in service of collective healing for self and humanity, and that it could be the tipping point from a sexual revolution to sexual evolution — are watered down by the fact that the overall focus is to justify all of the reasons not to reproduce rather than celebrating the choice itself. This is largely driven by the author’s own story, which in my opinion is not universal to all women without kids and takes up a lot of the text. The author does make the intent of the book clear in her introduction, but at that point I started to feel like it was a bait and switch.
If you are unsure whether or not you want to be a mother or need help on your journey to make peace with your decision, this book will likely resonate deeply with you and provide a good starting point for reflection. If you are childless by circumstance or feel super clear about your choice to be childfree, you may not find what you’re looking for here, but the author has done some really great podcast interviews I’d recommend.
In short, I’m glad this book exists, but I was hoping for something different than what I got.
January 9, 2023
The author’s experiences and thoughts are interwoven with the experiences, thoughts, and works of other women, as well as questions to get the reader reflecting on their own. This book explains why our capitalist society uses Motherhood as a marker of female usefulness and anyone who goes against it (willingly or not) is seen as less-than. This is a compelling, moving, and inspiring read. It ends on a hopeful note for the current generation and all generations to come to take back our female power to leave the world better than we found it.
My only criticism is that she incorrectly uses Autism as a linear spectrum (which it is not) but does so to compare it to her linear Motherhood Binary spectrum.
Thank you to NetGalley for allowing me to read the ARC!
My only criticism is that she incorrectly uses Autism as a linear spectrum (which it is not) but does so to compare it to her linear Motherhood Binary spectrum.
Thank you to NetGalley for allowing me to read the ARC!
July 11, 2023
** DNF **
I got this book because my bf and I are child free. I was looking for a book that would speak to the everything that goes with being a woman and not wanting kids.
This didn’t really hit the mark for me tbh. I guess I was looking for facts, history of women’s lives and the expectation that’s been there regarding kids. And how parenting isn’t for everyone.
I made it to page 55 and was just bored, lost and uninterested. This seemed more like book on the writer, her toiling with her internal thoughts on not wanting kids and her journey.
Maybe someone one else will enjoy my copy more than I will.
:/
I got this book because my bf and I are child free. I was looking for a book that would speak to the everything that goes with being a woman and not wanting kids.
This didn’t really hit the mark for me tbh. I guess I was looking for facts, history of women’s lives and the expectation that’s been there regarding kids. And how parenting isn’t for everyone.
I made it to page 55 and was just bored, lost and uninterested. This seemed more like book on the writer, her toiling with her internal thoughts on not wanting kids and her journey.
Maybe someone one else will enjoy my copy more than I will.
:/
April 21, 2023
Wow. I've never felt so seen and understood. This whole book just feels like an honest and open conversation with a friend about the topic.
I really enjoyed how Ruby Warrington explained her own reasons for deciding to be child free without it sounding like she's trying to defend her decision.
Can really recommend to anyone who's ever questioned if they want to have children and if it's okay to stay child free.
I really enjoyed how Ruby Warrington explained her own reasons for deciding to be child free without it sounding like she's trying to defend her decision.
Can really recommend to anyone who's ever questioned if they want to have children and if it's okay to stay child free.
December 7, 2022
Thoroughly enjoyed this. As a woman without kids, cancer took that from me , it was refreshing to read a book talking of this group of women not as eccentrics, or strange for being child less, more for being empowered. When you are not a mother, there is a sympathetic head tilt that comes your way as if to commiserate with you. People are shocked when you say…I dont want them.
September 13, 2026
Whaaat? The notion that a woman can live her entire life without being a mother and still be completely fulfilled? Remarkable, right?
I like how this book furthers the conversation surrounding women living single and childfree lives. The author rightfully draws attention to a lot of cultural problems and assumptions worthy of critique. The overconsumption in our modern economy. How consumerism feeds into careers. Infertility problems due to pollution. The way people often shame a childfree woman as if she's selfish. The false assumption that the best feminist response to hookup culture is to "use" your own body the way a man would. How childfree women are so easily forgotten by their peers who start having children. How found-families should be celebrated and respected just as much as blood ties. The need to rally around childfree families rather than treating them as if they're in an empty, temporary "void." The lack of older women who serve as healthy examples of childfree mentors.
So you might be wondering... why 2 stars?
At the same time as all that, one has to disentangle a lot of the good points from the bad third-wave feminism in here. There's lots of pro-abortion, pro-LGBTQ, anti-patriarchy, pro-Marxist, and similar tendencies in the book, which I disagree with. She makes giant leaps in logic to support her leftist politics. And she sets up lots of straw men just to knock them down (abortion being one of the most egregious).
The author is an atheist, and inevitably she comes at the concept of womanhood and motherhood from an atheistic framework. As a Christian, I can't agree with her relativism, such as her question, "What if there were no pre-prescribed rules about what it meant to be a woman, mother or not?" That just leads you into nihilism, with no moral framework at all. I want to struggle with the idea of what it means to be a Christian, and a woman, but not a mother. And you don't get that in this book.
There's also a lot of memoir in here, with the author recounting her own personal experiences, which are used to illustrate points sometimes, but aren't particularly helpful or applicable most of the time.
I know this book is only about being childfree (not necessarily single), but here are some books on singleness which are in the same orbit:
--All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation
--7 Myths about Singleness
--Material Girls: Why Reality Matters for Feminism
--It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single
--Thrive Solo: Embracing the Freedom, Joy, and Opportunity of a Single, Childfree Life
--Single Ever After: A Biblical Vision for the Significance of Singleness
I like how this book furthers the conversation surrounding women living single and childfree lives. The author rightfully draws attention to a lot of cultural problems and assumptions worthy of critique. The overconsumption in our modern economy. How consumerism feeds into careers. Infertility problems due to pollution. The way people often shame a childfree woman as if she's selfish. The false assumption that the best feminist response to hookup culture is to "use" your own body the way a man would. How childfree women are so easily forgotten by their peers who start having children. How found-families should be celebrated and respected just as much as blood ties. The need to rally around childfree families rather than treating them as if they're in an empty, temporary "void." The lack of older women who serve as healthy examples of childfree mentors.
So you might be wondering... why 2 stars?
At the same time as all that, one has to disentangle a lot of the good points from the bad third-wave feminism in here. There's lots of pro-abortion, pro-LGBTQ, anti-patriarchy, pro-Marxist, and similar tendencies in the book, which I disagree with. She makes giant leaps in logic to support her leftist politics. And she sets up lots of straw men just to knock them down (abortion being one of the most egregious).
The author is an atheist, and inevitably she comes at the concept of womanhood and motherhood from an atheistic framework. As a Christian, I can't agree with her relativism, such as her question, "What if there were no pre-prescribed rules about what it meant to be a woman, mother or not?" That just leads you into nihilism, with no moral framework at all. I want to struggle with the idea of what it means to be a Christian, and a woman, but not a mother. And you don't get that in this book.
There's also a lot of memoir in here, with the author recounting her own personal experiences, which are used to illustrate points sometimes, but aren't particularly helpful or applicable most of the time.
I know this book is only about being childfree (not necessarily single), but here are some books on singleness which are in the same orbit:
--All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation
--7 Myths about Singleness
--Material Girls: Why Reality Matters for Feminism
--It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single
--Thrive Solo: Embracing the Freedom, Joy, and Opportunity of a Single, Childfree Life
--Single Ever After: A Biblical Vision for the Significance of Singleness
November 5, 2025
this book put a lot of my feelings into words. I think every woman who has chosen a child free life deserves to read this. and those who have kids may want to read it too. you know, perspectives and such.
June 7, 2024
Found this incredibly validating of the complicated feelings of parenthood while making space for a broader spectrum of roles for women.
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February 6, 2025Would highly recommend this if you’re childfree or on the fence. Honestly even people who want to be parents could learn something from reading this!
I first heard Ruby on Dinky Pod and love the way she speaks about being childfree. I know not everyone will appreciate her bluntness but it made me feel very seen and heard. I can’t relate to all of Ruby’s experiences but have had many of the same thoughts she has while coming to my decision.
As someone who’s decidedly child-free, the “workbook” style questions at the end of each section didn’t do much for me, but I could see how they would be useful if you’re still deciding.
I first heard Ruby on Dinky Pod and love the way she speaks about being childfree. I know not everyone will appreciate her bluntness but it made me feel very seen and heard. I can’t relate to all of Ruby’s experiences but have had many of the same thoughts she has while coming to my decision.
As someone who’s decidedly child-free, the “workbook” style questions at the end of each section didn’t do much for me, but I could see how they would be useful if you’re still deciding.
September 5, 2024
it felt whiny and honestly not very insightful or informative at all - it was all just opinion and personal experience and not backed up by actual facts
April 8, 2023
I always assumed there would be a mythical "someday" when I would have children because that's just what women did. Growing up in the 1990s, I fed my babydoll her bottle and predicted how many kids I would have playing MASH in my 5th grade classroom. The only childfree woman I knew flew hot air balloons, played guitar in a band and was a computer whiz. It seemed great to little me, but when I heard others talk about her not having children it was spoken of a sad thing and she was called selfish.
I got married at 24 and the nonstop "when are you having kids?" commenced. But when push came to shove, I had zero desire. I wanted to finish school, buy a house, travel. I thought of what having a child would look like - sending my kid to it's grandmother all day so I could work, get home to give them dinner and a bath, then go to bed and repeat? When would I even SEE this hypothetical child? I knew my mental health was not in a good place to have a child, but was told "you'd be a great mother." I was told "it's different when it's your own" and "you don't know true love until you have a child."
The reason I share this is because we need books like this so women know all of this is TOTAL BULLSHIT. We need books like this so women realize they are NOT ALONE. They can and will live thrilling, fulfilling and happy lives whether or not their family makeup looks like something from a 1950s sitcom.
Ruby Warrington covers a variety of topics relevant to this discussion. While she describes herself as Affirmatively No when it comes to having children, she advocates for supporting those who do have children with policies that make motherhood less burdensome. She goes further to discuss the trends of women opting not to have children and conversation around what life could look like as a senior without kids. What I especially appreciated is that she considered not just those who are childfree by choice but also those who cannot or will not have children due to circumstances outside of their control. I appreciated the inclusive tone towards those who do make the decision to become mothers.
Mostly, I appreciate how raw the author was here. She shared some tough facts to admit about herself, such as her lack of desire to care for her disabled brother and the ease with which she made the decision to have an abortion. Understanding these parts of herself must have been difficult, much less sharing them with a judgmental world. However, I can see how this played into her decision making around not having children.
There were a few points that struck me a little off. First, while the environmental discussion is relevant it sometimes felt overrepresented for the topic of this book. It could have been incorporated in a different way that did not dilute or muddy the overarching message. Secondly, this is a personal book and by necessity that means the author's personal views come into play. At one point she says we should all be vegan, for example. Just something to know going in.
Overall, I am walking away from this book feeling inspired to envision a life without children that does not feel sad, selfish or scary. I hope to see more conversation in the future of how women can continue to bridge the gap between mothers and childfree women so that everyone can find their ultimate happiness. Whatever that means for them.
I got married at 24 and the nonstop "when are you having kids?" commenced. But when push came to shove, I had zero desire. I wanted to finish school, buy a house, travel. I thought of what having a child would look like - sending my kid to it's grandmother all day so I could work, get home to give them dinner and a bath, then go to bed and repeat? When would I even SEE this hypothetical child? I knew my mental health was not in a good place to have a child, but was told "you'd be a great mother." I was told "it's different when it's your own" and "you don't know true love until you have a child."
The reason I share this is because we need books like this so women know all of this is TOTAL BULLSHIT. We need books like this so women realize they are NOT ALONE. They can and will live thrilling, fulfilling and happy lives whether or not their family makeup looks like something from a 1950s sitcom.
Ruby Warrington covers a variety of topics relevant to this discussion. While she describes herself as Affirmatively No when it comes to having children, she advocates for supporting those who do have children with policies that make motherhood less burdensome. She goes further to discuss the trends of women opting not to have children and conversation around what life could look like as a senior without kids. What I especially appreciated is that she considered not just those who are childfree by choice but also those who cannot or will not have children due to circumstances outside of their control. I appreciated the inclusive tone towards those who do make the decision to become mothers.
Mostly, I appreciate how raw the author was here. She shared some tough facts to admit about herself, such as her lack of desire to care for her disabled brother and the ease with which she made the decision to have an abortion. Understanding these parts of herself must have been difficult, much less sharing them with a judgmental world. However, I can see how this played into her decision making around not having children.
There were a few points that struck me a little off. First, while the environmental discussion is relevant it sometimes felt overrepresented for the topic of this book. It could have been incorporated in a different way that did not dilute or muddy the overarching message. Secondly, this is a personal book and by necessity that means the author's personal views come into play. At one point she says we should all be vegan, for example. Just something to know going in.
Overall, I am walking away from this book feeling inspired to envision a life without children that does not feel sad, selfish or scary. I hope to see more conversation in the future of how women can continue to bridge the gap between mothers and childfree women so that everyone can find their ultimate happiness. Whatever that means for them.
March 24, 2023
MOST COMPELLING READ OF THE YEAR
I felt seen and understood by this book and it validated me in ways I didn’t even know I needed. It was so much more than I’d hoped for. Ruby offered empathy, new ways of thinking, and the chance to slip off the cloak of shame that I’ve worn by entertaining the possibility of not having children and what that means about me.
Instead I got to try on for size a brand new coat- one that fits much better where you get to think differently and remind yourself that we all have the right to consider our own wellbeing and how we might best thrive in this life- and for some that is without children. Doesn’t make you any less of a woman!
Of course no book can tell someone whether or not to have children but importantly it never tries to.. Ruby never speaks for other women who don’t or can’t have kids. Instead she got alongside them and celebrated their unique stories, interweaving their voices with her own into a beautiful and empowering read. I wish I could post this whole book as a response to the people who have made me feel less than whole for not having children. I know they don’t always do it knowingly but this book would blow their mind and I think that is so needed!
I can’t imagine the bravery required to write a book that goes against the status quo and I can only commend and thank the author endlessly for the efforts she has gone to to share her own experiences , thoughts, and important works of other women who have gone before her. I look forward to reading more of her work!
Her explanation of how our capitalist society has used and abused mothers made so much sense I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. It helped me make so many links with women in history who have gone against the grain and been seen as less than. As much as making a stand this book felt like a celebration but not in the way people might expect. It’s not all ‘yay I don’t have kids’ but a thorough and compelling dive into why less and less women are having children and why this seems to be a problem for many. What if instead of panicking this means the end of civilisation it could be reframed as a revolutionary moment in time where women have the opportunity to heal the impact of patriarchy for future generations. The author's ideas made me curious and gave me hope about the potential of the future and a society where a woman's worth is not tied to their ability to procreate.
Thank you to NetGalley, Sounds True Publishing, and author, Ruby Warrington for providing an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review. Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood is out on March 28, 2023.
I felt seen and understood by this book and it validated me in ways I didn’t even know I needed. It was so much more than I’d hoped for. Ruby offered empathy, new ways of thinking, and the chance to slip off the cloak of shame that I’ve worn by entertaining the possibility of not having children and what that means about me.
Instead I got to try on for size a brand new coat- one that fits much better where you get to think differently and remind yourself that we all have the right to consider our own wellbeing and how we might best thrive in this life- and for some that is without children. Doesn’t make you any less of a woman!
Of course no book can tell someone whether or not to have children but importantly it never tries to.. Ruby never speaks for other women who don’t or can’t have kids. Instead she got alongside them and celebrated their unique stories, interweaving their voices with her own into a beautiful and empowering read. I wish I could post this whole book as a response to the people who have made me feel less than whole for not having children. I know they don’t always do it knowingly but this book would blow their mind and I think that is so needed!
I can’t imagine the bravery required to write a book that goes against the status quo and I can only commend and thank the author endlessly for the efforts she has gone to to share her own experiences , thoughts, and important works of other women who have gone before her. I look forward to reading more of her work!
Her explanation of how our capitalist society has used and abused mothers made so much sense I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. It helped me make so many links with women in history who have gone against the grain and been seen as less than. As much as making a stand this book felt like a celebration but not in the way people might expect. It’s not all ‘yay I don’t have kids’ but a thorough and compelling dive into why less and less women are having children and why this seems to be a problem for many. What if instead of panicking this means the end of civilisation it could be reframed as a revolutionary moment in time where women have the opportunity to heal the impact of patriarchy for future generations. The author's ideas made me curious and gave me hope about the potential of the future and a society where a woman's worth is not tied to their ability to procreate.
Thank you to NetGalley, Sounds True Publishing, and author, Ruby Warrington for providing an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review. Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood is out on March 28, 2023.
April 17, 2025
I was looking for a book that dug into the societal factors that have left many women actively choosing not to have children. This was not that. To echo a lot of other reviews, this book is largely the author's exercise in determining why SHE didn't want kids, and less of a social commentary on why so many women are choosing the childless path. This book treats women without kids as people who are clearly looking for or missing something, like there must be one defining reason why women don't have kids. Theories on this include damaged family structures ruin a woman's interest in family and societal harms done to women (and that if they were rectified, all women would want children), among others.
We never discuss WHY society thinks motherhood is the only route to fulfillment for women, but not men. We don't discuss WHY being childfree is considered selfish, and why being selfish towards a person that literally doesn't exist yet is a problem? We never discuss why this is the one decision in a person's life that is constantly questioned by family and strangers alike. Instead, the book talks a lot about "acceptance" as if it's something I need to come to terms with. I don't think women who have chosen this path of their own free will need to come to "acceptance" as if they're grieving.
The only concept I got on board with in this book was the "affirmative yes." That the decision to have children should be an "affirmative yes," not a maybe or an I'm not sure. But that women should be able to enter into motherhood on their terms and only when they affirmatively desire it.
Overall this book felt like the author seeking answers for her own hang-ups on her decision to be childfree. If you're struggling with your decision whether to become a parent, this book may be helpful to you. But I don't need that kind of validation.
We never discuss WHY society thinks motherhood is the only route to fulfillment for women, but not men. We don't discuss WHY being childfree is considered selfish, and why being selfish towards a person that literally doesn't exist yet is a problem? We never discuss why this is the one decision in a person's life that is constantly questioned by family and strangers alike. Instead, the book talks a lot about "acceptance" as if it's something I need to come to terms with. I don't think women who have chosen this path of their own free will need to come to "acceptance" as if they're grieving.
The only concept I got on board with in this book was the "affirmative yes." That the decision to have children should be an "affirmative yes," not a maybe or an I'm not sure. But that women should be able to enter into motherhood on their terms and only when they affirmatively desire it.
Overall this book felt like the author seeking answers for her own hang-ups on her decision to be childfree. If you're struggling with your decision whether to become a parent, this book may be helpful to you. But I don't need that kind of validation.
April 10, 2023
This book gave me a sense of validation and belonging i didn't know i sought. I personally think a lot of women without kids do not want kids due to some form of mommy issues ... the relationship between a mother and daughter is deeply complex and it really makes or breaks a person, if that makes sense. I love my mother more than anyone in this world, although I can't say we have the best relationship, even within our family of five.
I grew up in a highly family-oriented culture and upbringing, and growing up, marrying a man and having kids has always been the natural order of things. It wasn't until I became a full-fledged adult, perhaps after college, that I began to think that didn't have to be my life, my future. I often change my mind about a lot of things but in this decision i am as sure as i can ever be, I do not want to be pregnant and give birth. (For a lot of reasons, but mostly because of health concerns—mine and the hypothetical child's.) Hell, I don't even want to get married. Though that doesn't necessarily mean I don't want to be a mother. If ever (in ten or so years from now) I have the financial, emotional, and social security, and maybe a co-parent, then I will consider adopting a child. I'm not sure this area in the Motherhood Spectrum (as Ruby Warrington calls it) was explored in the book.
Women Without Kids is a much needed read for any woman who has ever had doubts or regrets about having kids. Though I do feel it's a little longer than necessary and sounds repetitive at times. I started reading this for Women's history month but it took me a while to finish.
I grew up in a highly family-oriented culture and upbringing, and growing up, marrying a man and having kids has always been the natural order of things. It wasn't until I became a full-fledged adult, perhaps after college, that I began to think that didn't have to be my life, my future. I often change my mind about a lot of things but in this decision i am as sure as i can ever be, I do not want to be pregnant and give birth. (For a lot of reasons, but mostly because of health concerns—mine and the hypothetical child's.) Hell, I don't even want to get married. Though that doesn't necessarily mean I don't want to be a mother. If ever (in ten or so years from now) I have the financial, emotional, and social security, and maybe a co-parent, then I will consider adopting a child. I'm not sure this area in the Motherhood Spectrum (as Ruby Warrington calls it) was explored in the book.
Women Without Kids is a much needed read for any woman who has ever had doubts or regrets about having kids. Though I do feel it's a little longer than necessary and sounds repetitive at times. I started reading this for Women's history month but it took me a while to finish.
July 12, 2023
My really good review just got deleted 😭
Really appreciated all the different angles this book addresses the topic from - I felt seen and understood the entire time I was reading it.
My mom probably didn't appreciate the fact that I read her entire passages at the breakfast table as she saw her future grandbabies slipping away. But then again, that's even something the book addresses. We shouldn't feel like we need to have kids so our parents can be grandparents. Thats not a reason to have a kid!
I look forward to discussing these topics with friends and am super grateful it's not longer a taboo subject. It looks at the question of motherhood from the individual lens but also the societal lens.
I highly recommend this book if you're at all on the fence about motherhood and whether or not we live in a society where motherhood is a sustainable life choice for women (spoiler alert: it's not. we love ina society where mothers in particular get the short end of the stick in almost every aspect of life!) but if you're on the 'fuck yes I want to be a mom!" spectrum regardless of the hurdles - more power to ya! and if you're on the "fuck no?" end - there's absolutely nothing wrong with you!
If anything this book just made me grateful for the realization that just like so many things in life....there's so much in between on that spectrum.
Really appreciated all the different angles this book addresses the topic from - I felt seen and understood the entire time I was reading it.
My mom probably didn't appreciate the fact that I read her entire passages at the breakfast table as she saw her future grandbabies slipping away. But then again, that's even something the book addresses. We shouldn't feel like we need to have kids so our parents can be grandparents. Thats not a reason to have a kid!
I look forward to discussing these topics with friends and am super grateful it's not longer a taboo subject. It looks at the question of motherhood from the individual lens but also the societal lens.
I highly recommend this book if you're at all on the fence about motherhood and whether or not we live in a society where motherhood is a sustainable life choice for women (spoiler alert: it's not. we love ina society where mothers in particular get the short end of the stick in almost every aspect of life!) but if you're on the 'fuck yes I want to be a mom!" spectrum regardless of the hurdles - more power to ya! and if you're on the "fuck no?" end - there's absolutely nothing wrong with you!
If anything this book just made me grateful for the realization that just like so many things in life....there's so much in between on that spectrum.
April 28, 2023
Though this book was a little progressive for me, I think this type of book should be required reading. If, for no other reason than to show people there are a multitude of reasons one may not have children, and being compassionate and open to those reasons, rather than judgmental.
At 35 and without kids, I am a societal pariah. A selfish c--t. Damaged goods. Shallow.
Something must be wrong with me because I am not moving heaven and earth to have kids. To be "someone's mom."
As a society, this type of thinking and judging needs to stop.
Whatever a woman's reason for not having children, it's no one's business. No one should be made to feel how we do because we haven't had kids yet, or perhaps don't want to, ever. As the author points out in this book, men are not told they "are not real men until they become fathers," so why is this still told to women? Why can't a woman choose not to have kids, or even just never have one at no fault of their own, and still be seen as a "real woman"? When did "having it all" include having a child?
This book echoed so many of my thoughts over the last few years, being ostracized, losing friendships, and feeling overall like a non-person. But it seemed to validate those feelings and helped me to know I'm not alone.
At 35 and without kids, I am a societal pariah. A selfish c--t. Damaged goods. Shallow.
Something must be wrong with me because I am not moving heaven and earth to have kids. To be "someone's mom."
As a society, this type of thinking and judging needs to stop.
Whatever a woman's reason for not having children, it's no one's business. No one should be made to feel how we do because we haven't had kids yet, or perhaps don't want to, ever. As the author points out in this book, men are not told they "are not real men until they become fathers," so why is this still told to women? Why can't a woman choose not to have kids, or even just never have one at no fault of their own, and still be seen as a "real woman"? When did "having it all" include having a child?
This book echoed so many of my thoughts over the last few years, being ostracized, losing friendships, and feeling overall like a non-person. But it seemed to validate those feelings and helped me to know I'm not alone.
April 11, 2024
A very vulnerable read. Part memoir, part argument for the redefinition of childless women in modern society, and part workbook. A love letter to, as the author names them, “selfish c*nts,” that choose to remain childless.
A large part of this book is dedicated to people like me who are on the fence about whether or not they want to have kids. The author leads the reader through assignments (journaling, reflection) in self discovery to help us find an answer. The author never once pins women against each other or claims one route is better than the other. Having kids or choosing not to have kids, is extremely personal.
This book shed light on the concept of “pro natalism,” where governments encourage the notion that women and motherhood go hand-in-hand and that bearing children is the entire point of our existence as women. Giving women incentives for bearing children and making abortion unaccessaible are examples of pro natalist policies. The author explores societal, economic, and psychological outside forces that encourage this viewpoint.
A large part of this book is dedicated to people like me who are on the fence about whether or not they want to have kids. The author leads the reader through assignments (journaling, reflection) in self discovery to help us find an answer. The author never once pins women against each other or claims one route is better than the other. Having kids or choosing not to have kids, is extremely personal.
This book shed light on the concept of “pro natalism,” where governments encourage the notion that women and motherhood go hand-in-hand and that bearing children is the entire point of our existence as women. Giving women incentives for bearing children and making abortion unaccessaible are examples of pro natalist policies. The author explores societal, economic, and psychological outside forces that encourage this viewpoint.
October 13, 2023
Absolutely recommend anyone who relates to the title to give this book a read. I listened to the audiobook but I will probably pick it up again in book format since there is a lot to unpack within. It poses a lot of good questions and some controversial ideas about motherhood and it's meaning in the past, present, and future for those who identify as women.
November 4, 2025
I was hoping for a more uplifting book with other stories of women who have chosen the same path to not have children. The book had some great points, and the author was relatable to me as she also has a brother with disabilities which has caused her to question her decision to have children. When the author spoke of her own experiences, I was much more engaged, but had a difficult time staying excited otherwise.
Did Not Finish
November 6, 2023Well intentioned but not a book for me. This book is more for people who are struggling with being childfree - which I don't really relate to.
And some of the claims made seem unsubstantiated and the very narrow focus on cis-white woman experience is not holding my interest. And some of the language already feels trans-exclusionary. So I am going to cut my losses here.
And some of the claims made seem unsubstantiated and the very narrow focus on cis-white woman experience is not holding my interest. And some of the language already feels trans-exclusionary. So I am going to cut my losses here.
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