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Second Firsts: How to Let Go of Your Grief and Start Your New Life by Christina Rasmussen
After studying to become a therapist and crisis intervention counselor—even doing her master’s thesis on the stages of bereavement—Christina Rasmussen thought she understood grief. But it wasn’t until losing her husband to cancer in her early 30s that she truly grasped the depths of sorrow and pain that accompany loss. Using the knowledge she gained while wading through her own grief and reading hundreds of neuroscience books, Rasmussen began to look at experiences in a new way. She realized that grief plunges you into a gap between worlds—the world before loss and the world after loss. She also realized how easy it is to become lost in this gap. In Second Firsts, Rasmussen walks you through her Life Reentry process to help you break grief’s spiral of pain, so you can stop simply surviving and begin to live again. She shows you that loss can actually be a powerful catalyst to creating a life that is in alignment with your true passions and values. The resilience, strength, and determination that have gotten you through this difficult time are the same characteristics that will help you craft your wonderful new life. Her method, which she has used successfully with thousands of clients, is based on the science of neuroplasticity and focuses on consciously releasing pain in ways that both honor suffering and rewire the brain to change your perception of the world and yourself. Using practical exercises and stories drawn from her own life and those of her clients, Rasmussen guides you through five stages of healing that help you open up to new possibilities. From acknowledging your fear, to recognizing where you stand now, to taking active steps toward a new life, Rasmussen helps you move past the pain and shows that it’s never too late to step out of the gap and experience life again—as if for the first time.
Paperback
First published November 4, 2013
108 people are currently reading
529 people want to read
About the author
Christina Rasmussen
7 books32 followersChristina Rasmussen is an acclaimed grief educator and bestselling author of Second Firsts (Hay House,
2013), Where Did You Go? (Harper One, 2018), and Invisible Loss (Sounds True, 2024). In 2010, four
years after her thirty-five-year-old spouse passed away from Stage 4 colon cancer, she created the Life
Reentry process, which launched her on a mission to bring compassion, grace, and validation to
thousands, while simultaneously establishing an exit from what she termed the Waiting Room. Christina
holds a master’s degree in guidance and counseling (University of Durham). She is currently finishing her
master of fine arts degree in painting and drawing (Academy of Art). Her grief work has been featured on
ABC News, Psychology Today, in Women’s World, the Washington Post, and the White House Blog.
2013), Where Did You Go? (Harper One, 2018), and Invisible Loss (Sounds True, 2024). In 2010, four
years after her thirty-five-year-old spouse passed away from Stage 4 colon cancer, she created the Life
Reentry process, which launched her on a mission to bring compassion, grace, and validation to
thousands, while simultaneously establishing an exit from what she termed the Waiting Room. Christina
holds a master’s degree in guidance and counseling (University of Durham). She is currently finishing her
master of fine arts degree in painting and drawing (Academy of Art). Her grief work has been featured on
ABC News, Psychology Today, in Women’s World, the Washington Post, and the White House Blog.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
September 8, 2014
We have all unfortunately lost someone in death, maybe several. The effects this has on us depends on the individual according to the relationship they had with that person, and many other factors. A loss, is a loss, no matter if you didn't even see eye to eye with the person who has just died, we only as humans remember the good times.
Its said there are many levels we need to go through to 'get over' the death of a loved one. I think you never get 'over' it, you just learn to live alongside it. That is why I wanted to read this book of Christina Rasmussen. I want to read how she was a therapist for counselling others, then upon a loss in her own life how this altered her viewpoint, it was interesting to me.
I've maintained you can never understand someone's grief, feelings, or life experience unless you have been through it yourself.
This book shows me that its true. We can only sympathise, try to understand, have empathy, however, we cannot really KNOW unless we have experienced it, that doesn't mean we don't understand.
I would recommend this book, its made for very interesting reading and if you are going through grief right now, or even soon to be, I would suggest you buy this book and use it like a 'bible' to help.
**I was given a complimentary book from Hay House via Net Galley for my honest review**
Its said there are many levels we need to go through to 'get over' the death of a loved one. I think you never get 'over' it, you just learn to live alongside it. That is why I wanted to read this book of Christina Rasmussen. I want to read how she was a therapist for counselling others, then upon a loss in her own life how this altered her viewpoint, it was interesting to me.
I've maintained you can never understand someone's grief, feelings, or life experience unless you have been through it yourself.
This book shows me that its true. We can only sympathise, try to understand, have empathy, however, we cannot really KNOW unless we have experienced it, that doesn't mean we don't understand.
I would recommend this book, its made for very interesting reading and if you are going through grief right now, or even soon to be, I would suggest you buy this book and use it like a 'bible' to help.
**I was given a complimentary book from Hay House via Net Galley for my honest review**
September 9, 2018
This book is filled with much support regarding getting back into life after a sudden loss of love. Took me some time to read it and absorb what has happened to me and how one needs to go THROUGH grief and not around it, but through it. Going through grief changes a person and this book helped me think about the world before loss and now the world after loss. Taking active steps toward a new life will benefit a person if they allow this to happen. She teaches in this book how to start to move past the pain and begin to experience life again, as if it is for the first time.
June 19, 2014
I'm not a huge fan of the self-help genre but this was a solid book on dealing with loss of any kind. I'm glad this was a book club book so there was no excuse not to read it through to the end. I haven't suffered the loss of a husband either to death or divorce and I don't have cancer or something else that is bound to kill me at some point. However, this book did help me see that I had been hanging out in the "Waiting Room" of grief wishing for a life I could no longer have due to my own circumstances and health issues of recent years. I'm living a fuller and happier life in part due to the things I learned in this book that took me months to finish.
January 10, 2014
For anyone who has experienced a loss or trauma in their lives. Rasmussen walks people who are grieving through her Life Re-entry program. Told through first hand anecdotes and drawing on her knowledge as a grief counselor, research into neuroplasticity, and her own life re-entry after the death of her husband, the author provides valuable resource for anyone who is ready (or not) to move out of their 'waiting room' and being living again.
May 3, 2015
Tylenol for my Soul
I am 2 plus years into my grief but still trying to find my way. I was tired of treading water and am ready to move into a new life. A new me. This gave me the tools to help navigate my way forward. I have read a lot of books on grief but none with this straight forward talk and practical, specific advice. I also joined her on-line group.
I am 2 plus years into my grief but still trying to find my way. I was tired of treading water and am ready to move into a new life. A new me. This gave me the tools to help navigate my way forward. I have read a lot of books on grief but none with this straight forward talk and practical, specific advice. I also joined her on-line group.
February 4, 2016
I found this book a bit condescending. It seemed to assume that all people experiencing grief are unable to function. It had some good messages for people to view this change as an opportunity to start over. However not everyone wants to start their own business or can take the risks described. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone who is coping adequately with grief.
August 13, 2016
"You can do the impossible, because you have been through the unimaginable." p. 145
If you have ever experienced a loss in your life, either through death or divorce or something else, this book is for you. Think of it as a manual to help you navigate through the grief and suffering of loss, with the final destination being Life. As anyone that has lost someone knows, grief is debilitating and lonely and hard to break free from. This book is a helpful coach. Having experienced loss herself, the author's understanding of it and grief is real. That is not only comforting to the reader, but it also makes her advice easier to accept and her suggestions easier to follow.
I found the Grief Cleanse to be the most challenging exercise, but also the most rewarding. I experienced a great amount of frustration and anxiety while doing the written cleanse, but once completed I experienced an overwhelming amount of clarity and peace. It also helped me to want to move forward with my life.
I would really like to take the author, Christina Rasmussen, out for lunch and thank her profusely for writing the book that saved me from spending a lifetime in the Loop of Loss. I received this book at the most perfect time. I had just been lamenting to a friend about how I couldn't seem to shake the sadness that had been following me for years after suffering a devastating loss when this book arrived in the mail. I intended to devour it, cover to cover, in one sitting, but the book's structure did not lend itself to that. Instead, I read it slowly, page by page, stopping frequently to take notes in the margin, underline important parts I want to remember, and journaling when instructed by Christina. I know that this book has changed my life, thrusting me forward out of the Waiting Room and into the miraculous present. I am re-entering Life and it feels so good. This book will have a special place on my bookshelf, and I intend to buy one for every person in my life that could benefit from its words. My life has been transformed.
FTC Disclosure: I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.
December 14, 2013
Every now and then you come across a book that is so important – so essential – so life-changing – you wish you could put a copy in the hands of every person who needs it.
Second Firsts – Live, Laugh, and Love Again by Christina Rasmussen is one of those books.
Second Firsts is written for people who have experienced a life-changing loss that runs so deep, that their old life vanishes in an instant and everything must be rebuilt from the ground up.
In Second Firsts, Christina offers you a viable path through the pain but – more importantly – she will help you find your way into a brighter, more vibrant future.
Christina is no stranger to grief. Although she wrote her master's thesis on the stages of bereavement, when she lost her husband after a three-year battle with cancer, she soon discovered that nothing she'd been taught or believed about the experience of profound loss was accurate.
What Christina has learned – and shares in Second Firsts – is that it’s important not to stay stuck in the “waiting room of grief”.
Through her revolutionary 5-Step Life Reentry Model, Christina helps us to move past our loss and our grief and to focus our energies on more positive aspirations – that of re-inventing a better life and a better future for ourselves.
Christina reminds us:
Second Firsts is an inspiring book that will retain a permanent spot on my bookshelf for years to come.
If you are having difficulty dealing with loss of any type in your life, I highly recommend Second Firsts.
To read my review in its entirety, please visit Create With Joy.
Disclosure: I received a copy of this book for review purposes. However, the opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own.
Second Firsts – Live, Laugh, and Love Again by Christina Rasmussen is one of those books.
Second Firsts is written for people who have experienced a life-changing loss that runs so deep, that their old life vanishes in an instant and everything must be rebuilt from the ground up.
In Second Firsts, Christina offers you a viable path through the pain but – more importantly – she will help you find your way into a brighter, more vibrant future.
Christina is no stranger to grief. Although she wrote her master's thesis on the stages of bereavement, when she lost her husband after a three-year battle with cancer, she soon discovered that nothing she'd been taught or believed about the experience of profound loss was accurate.
What Christina has learned – and shares in Second Firsts – is that it’s important not to stay stuck in the “waiting room of grief”.
Through her revolutionary 5-Step Life Reentry Model, Christina helps us to move past our loss and our grief and to focus our energies on more positive aspirations – that of re-inventing a better life and a better future for ourselves.
Christina reminds us:
If you’re lost… if you’re gone… if you can barely absorb the words on this page… I want you to hold this truth in your heart: when it’s your time to go, you won’t wish you had spent more time grieving; you’ll wish you had spent more time living.
Second Firsts is an inspiring book that will retain a permanent spot on my bookshelf for years to come.
If you are having difficulty dealing with loss of any type in your life, I highly recommend Second Firsts.
To read my review in its entirety, please visit Create With Joy.
Disclosure: I received a copy of this book for review purposes. However, the opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own.
February 2, 2014
Christina Rasmussen lost her husband to colon cancer when he was a young man (31), highly unusual for colon cancer. She was left with two young children and extreme grief. Before this she had been counseling people on grief, but this was her first life shattering experience. Slowly, she pulled herself back into the living world. In this book she documents the steps she took and how they can be used. She combines brain science, mindfulness, and exercises. She has outlined a five step program. One step is to recognize if you are in the 'waiting room,' then find small steps to plug into life, she gives writing exercises and meditations, that help you to bring yourself back into the world of the living. She has coached many in this process and she uses examples that include her own journey. These elemental steps she has laid out change brain patterns. For anyone ready and willing to do the work, to crawl out of grief, or depression, or even anxiety, this book provides a path.
She came to Seattle on a book tour and I went to hear her speak. Her talk drew a small group of people who were all in various stages of grief, some quite raw. She answered questions and worked with people in an immediate way. What struck me was her presence in our circle and how comforted people were by the hope she offered. She spoke of invisible loses, and how grief from an invisible loss is harder to heal because it is not openly talked about in society, as in some illnesses or in a gay family when there has been a divorse or a death.
She came to Seattle on a book tour and I went to hear her speak. Her talk drew a small group of people who were all in various stages of grief, some quite raw. She answered questions and worked with people in an immediate way. What struck me was her presence in our circle and how comforted people were by the hope she offered. She spoke of invisible loses, and how grief from an invisible loss is harder to heal because it is not openly talked about in society, as in some illnesses or in a gay family when there has been a divorse or a death.
June 5, 2014
I'm not a big self-helper. I need fiction to escape life's harsh realities. But this book spoke to me....like a spiritual experience, it transformed the way I have processed my own losses in life. Initially, I picked it up so I could offer emotional support to my sisters, suffering losses of their own from divorce, health, and the death of a spouse. Actually, it helped me to put a finger on the pulse of my own losses in life that have gone without acknowledgement from both myself and others. Loss is loss.....if it hurts when it's gone, it's a loss, no matter the kind. The loss of a mother at a too young age, the loss of childhood and young adult period of discovery because you were caring for your own siblings, loss of an identity due to an unstable economy or ability to find employment, loss of income and secure lifestyle, home, financial stability, the realization that your core belief system is now different when you look at life through a different set of eyes. I could go on forever. The point is, this book touched me - deeply - and I will never look at my life in the same way again. Life changes on a dime and the lesson is in how you deal with those changes and the necessity of a constantly evolving journey through those lessons. I can't adequately describe how much this book helped me! Thank you, Christina Rasmussen, for acknowledging the losses of everyone, without focusing on the "degree of loss" and helping us to push past them on our own schedule, at our own pace, freely giving the permission that some of us need to "keep it moving".
July 6, 2014
This book has been the single most helpful thing I have stumbled across in my journey through grief and recovery. The reasons I think is that it is so down to earth and so relatable for me. I waited for the release and said that I just knew I felt a connection with this book. I had every intention of sitting with the book all night and reading straight through. I am only about 30 pages in. I had no idea the daily impact it would have on me. I have found it so interesting that I will be reading and suddenly come across a passage that is MY words, MY thoughts exactly and word for word. I cannot read more than a few pages at a time. It is that powerful for me. But that is ok. It works well for me this way.
February 18, 2015
While there are commonalities in the grieving process, healing is a personal journey. This book came recommended by others who have lost a spouse but it did not speak to me. Maybe I'm too practical or if I read this book earlier or later, I would feel differently. Right now, the suggestions are too prescriptive and the advice too generic to compel me to finish the book. I skimmed the rest of the book and don't see a change in tone. I will donate it to the library i hopes the words will resonate with another.
November 18, 2013
I found this book less helpful than some of the others on grief recovery I have read. It may be that it is just a little too "new age" and nebulous for my taste. It read kind of like The Secret.
I do like the concept behind the title and I'm sure someone else might benefit from Rasmussen's words. But her book wasn't what I need right now.
I do like the concept behind the title and I'm sure someone else might benefit from Rasmussen's words. But her book wasn't what I need right now.
February 25, 2016
I would recommend this book to anyone who has experienced a significant loss in their life and is finding it difficult to move forward. Written from her own experience of losing her first husband, Christina guides you through a process to finding the new life that is waiting for you. Be courageous... Give it a read... You'll be amazed at how helpful it will be.
March 8, 2016
This book was very interesting to me. I lost my husband to cancer, it will be two years ago on May 24th. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to live thru. I also lost my life that day. Trying to live my life without him has not been an easy road. But I also have no choice. This book has pointed me in the direction I must go. And for that I am grateful.
January 12, 2014
Moving forward after loss is challenging. I read this to explore this authors model, and found myself relating to many of the methods she uses to help people recover after loss. This book can be useful to anyone wants to move forward after any challenging situation.
October 23, 2017
this book was lifesaving to me after a devastating loss last year. Christina's words are challenging, uplifting and helped me get through a really dark time. She also has a fantastic website and online community called Life Starter. I highly recommend it.
January 5, 2016
Oh my Gosh .... I love, LOVE this book!! I'm inspired by her thoughts, words and life. I am determined to dance thru the rest of my life and will live out the days remaining.
May 24, 2016
Very helpful and readable, with great tangible advice and insights into grief.
March 12, 2016
I thought the book was interesting, but had way too much about the author and not enough instruction to be truly useful for either me dealing with loss or helping those around me deal with loss.
July 8, 2019
One of the most inspiring self-help books I've ever read. I'm embarking on a new life two years after my husband's death and I wish I had come across this book sooner. This book has inspired me to believe my future can be even better than my past, and that's quite a feat since I had a wonderful marriage to a loving husband.
I've done most of the "homework," but plan to reread the book and take more time to flesh out my dreams and develop my plans. I like the idea of the baby steps towards a goal, since often, much more than that can be overwhelming to a widow learning to survive when her life has completely changed.
I actually recommend this book to anyone who's looking to rethink what the future holds and create a new vision towards a new, fulfilling, and exciting life.
I've done most of the "homework," but plan to reread the book and take more time to flesh out my dreams and develop my plans. I like the idea of the baby steps towards a goal, since often, much more than that can be overwhelming to a widow learning to survive when her life has completely changed.
I actually recommend this book to anyone who's looking to rethink what the future holds and create a new vision towards a new, fulfilling, and exciting life.
June 25, 2020
Waste of time
I am so disappointed in this book. I experienced the death of my husband of 51 years and hoped this book could give me some insight into what my future may look like. I am not afraid, I am not looking for romance, I am not looking for more schooling or a new job. That is what this book offered. None of this applies to me. Too bad.
I am so disappointed in this book. I experienced the death of my husband of 51 years and hoped this book could give me some insight into what my future may look like. I am not afraid, I am not looking for romance, I am not looking for more schooling or a new job. That is what this book offered. None of this applies to me. Too bad.
June 16, 2017
It took me a while to read this book, not because it wasn't excellent... it was indeed great and very useful. It took a while because I had various stages of being ready for it. It's about really embracing a new life after profound loss, so I took it in stride according to my emotional ability.
January 12, 2019
Good read for anyone looking to rebuild their life after the loss of a spouse. It's been a while since I read this book but I assure you if you want to start over and love again this is the one for you.
March 21, 2022
Valuable in understanding the “in between” state and that you can get stuck there. I didn’t like the writing style overall, some psycho babble (it’s published by Hay House) but one can find useful nuggets here.
November 29, 2023
Relatable. Interesting approach to launching into your new life as a widow. Although, I did not take part in the launching exercises - I did much of that on my own prior to reading the book. Gives hope in transitioning into next chapters, pages or paragraphs in life.
March 26, 2018
I wish I’d found this a long time ago. Insightful and very eye opening.
May 14, 2018
Read it twice
After you can catch your breath from the immediate losses you experience when a loved one dies, I found this helpful to find my way to live.
After you can catch your breath from the immediate losses you experience when a loved one dies, I found this helpful to find my way to live.
March 18, 2019
I recommend this book to widows with children. Good counsel as well as author’s personal experience.
June 12, 2021
Highly recommend this book to anyone who has had a significant loss in their life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews