1.5 stars
A woman who has spent her whole life compromising what she wants and hiding how she feels to meet other people's expectations. From her career to her relationships, to what she wears and where she lives, she's made a lifetime of decisions to fit what other people want her to be.
But with no one else left, who will she become now that she's completely alone? This part of the synopsis is what made me think this was going to be an introspective take on a woman coming to terms with who she pretended to be in order to fit societal expectations, the patriarchy, feminists (because yes, in current times we do also have expectations from some feminists how women are supposed to be and act and dress). Instead I got almost 400 pages of a 30-something 15 year old (that's how she read, talked and acted) who is so stupid and whiney she never would have survived a week after everyone else died. Never.
Her contempt for everyone else was staggering, especially after they were all dead. You'd think in the face of that trauma or loss you'd forgive people for not being perfect, but no. She becomes a drug addict, doesn't do anything to help the pets and animals she knows are stuck and will die, does anything sensible to survive or just takes the goddamn easy death pill the government so readily provided. Again, I was submitted to almost 400 pages of her being an asshole.
And like, I could relate to some of her thoughts, some of the moments where she actually did become introspective and thought about how the world was, I could relate and care. But instead of following up on that with useful thoughts, or freeing herself from those expectations or anything I wanted, we cut away to her being stupid or wanting a kid.
I don't know what it is about apocalypse books needing their main characters to have a baby right before, during, or after the apocalypse, but it annoys me to no end. Women are capable of more than having children in difficult situations and "keeping humanity alive" or whatever the fuck it is authors want to tell me with that all too common trope. It's not a hopeful story for me to watch the main female character go through being pregnant and childbirth alone, traumatized, in pain and unable to change her situation. It's not a good story to tell about a woman supposedly finding out who she is after she can stop caring about everyone else and put herself first, when she immediately has to put someone else first again. It literally defeats the purpose of the original point of this book (not that the rest of the book tries to do anything in regards to that premise either, but it's what I was lead to believe it would be about).
There is also incredibly weak world-building. I mean, the name of the illness killing everyone is literally 6DM (six days maximum), that really does tell you everything about the intelligence and world-building level of the rest of the book. At least the beginning was hilarious that way. After the US and I think China or Russia immediately died off, the United Kingdom, "having learned from the Covid-19 pandemic", blew up their bridges and tunnels and whatever to the remaining world, put out a shoot-at sight order for the borders and told their people they would be safe and sound while they watched the rest of the world die. And, because of British politeness, everyone did as they were told, formed orderly lines, stayed home and did nothing violent.
After the actual governmental reaction to the Covid-19 pandemic and how the general populace reacted after "losing" the EM, I had a good, long laugh and basically didn't believe anything else the book had to say.
I mean, it's just all so very convenient for the main character. Only one major city is on fire during the main character's travel from London to the most remote, northern part of Scotland. Only one. Good thing no one had their oven on, or a fire going, or there was an exposed wire, or some died with a cigarette in their hands, or there was a gas leak, or literally any other easy, little thing that could very likely happen during the apocalypse in a city of millions like London. Nothing was set on fire, the looting was all orderly and friendly and calm, because it's Britain. No one tried to drive anywhere, the roads are all empty, there are like three crashed cars, no one died during the clean up of the bodies, the mass graves were put on fire and abandoned, with no trucks or anything filled with dead bodies around that pit. There are scenes where the main character comes across dead and rotting and half-eaten bodies, there are gross, gory scenes, but so many parts read way too clean and way too convenient. Most places she comes across still have running water, so many still have electricity and at the same time her final home has a broken roof with leaks after being abandoned for only half a year, her phone properly dies after four months, none of that makes sense. The car she gets stuck in a blizzard with, where she turns on the heating full blast before falling asleep and waking up in the dead and snowed in car turns on after the first try once the snow has melted?! I mean, what??
My main issue though was that the main character really just was incredibly stupid. She didn't plan or do anything useful or intelligent until after she finds out she's pregnant because then she finally can care for another person again (see what I mean about the part where this book is about her finding out who she is without other people? Immediately ruined, she becomes a drug addict on her own, there, you don't need to read the book now). She can't make sure there is enough gas in her car to take her anywhere, she can't for the life of her (literally) pack food aside from like two mars bars or bring water instead of lemonade, you know, the easiest parts about being alive. She constantly forgets to pack proper clothes or blankets or anything, even when she does remember to get it, she just abandons it immediately. She never cleans up after her, even though she claims she doesn't want to die. She didn't understand that having a fire burning in a room will not be enough to heat up the room if you leave all the doors wide open, especially the door to a room where she literally broke the window during a blizzard to get into the house. I mean, I just couldn't stand it. These are basic intelligence things. You don't have to be a survivalist to know or do this kind of shit.
I was intrigued by the repeated statements at the beginning how there were no cats and birds around anymore, how there doesn't really seem to be a whole lot of animals around anymore either and I thought the MC would maybe figure out that 6DM also affects animals or learn anything about the illness since the world building is so weak we don't get to know anything about the illness except how it kills and how it's nicer to take the easy death pill and be done with it, but that never comes to pass either. Instead there were two scenes about rats now apparently taking over the world and having a taste for living human flesh, whole groups of them going after her. There is one scene where she finally finds some birds (seagulls) who have become both vicious killers of anything that moves in the four of five months since humanity has died, literally sitting around day and night on rooftops waiting for anything to move and the street.
I'm not even gonna say anything, just let you sit with that.
Nothing is ever explained about the illness, about her immunity, about the fact that apparently a whole lot of people just rook to T600 easy death pill (and also gave it to their children on persistent urging from the government) instead of waiting to get sick and that there are obviously other survivors who she just never finds.
The whole book really is not well written, with weak and overly convenient world-building and an unlikeable main character to make this whole mess complete. The flash-backs to her former live were annoying at best, and didn't really add much to the story in my opinion, because nothing changes. The MC doesn't learn or grow or come to terms with things that happen until she finds out she's pregnant. It's absolutely ridiculous that the author concludes a story about a woman surviving the apocalypse and supposedly finding out who she is, who she can become when she's finally left alone to her own devices, with said woman fulfilling every societal expectation for women (have a child and lose yourself completely in being a mother) by doing exactly that. The MC repeatedly states throughout the book that she wanted a baby because then she would finally have to stop worrying who she is, she could finally be happy, she could finally be done trying to figure herself out. These statements are always put into flashback scenes where the MC is completely lost in panic, depression, running away, starting an affair, doing everything to escape learning about herself and growing as a person and it makes me irrationally angry that the conclusion to this story is her having a baby, especially since even being pregnant already mostly "healed" her of her depression, panic disorder and trauma.
So the answer to the question posed in the synopsis But with no one else left, who will she become now that she's completely alone? is literally: Exactly who the rest of the world always wanted her to be. Isn't that just such a letdown?