The Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation--the Hidden Epidemic

by Marlene Steinberg, Maxine Schnall

Discover groundbreaking findings on a hidden epidemic -- and why it so often is misdiagnosed.

You peer into the mirror and have trouble recognizing yourself. You feel as if you're going through the motions of life or you're watching a movie of yourself.

These are all symptoms of dissociation -- a debilitating psychological condition involving feelings of disconnection that affects 30 million people in North America and often goes untreated. The Stranger in the Mirror offers unique guidelines for identifying and recovering from dissociative symptoms based on Dr. Marlene Steinberg's breakthrough diagnostic test. Filled with fascinating case histories of people with multiple personalities, this book provides enlightening insights into how all of us respond to trauma and overcome it. Her innovative method of treatment will benefit anyone in search of a healthier sense of self and a heightened capacity for joy.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Self Help, Science, Mental Illness, Counselling

344 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2000

Reviews

[Nina (ninjasbooks) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the first book I read about dissociation and it still stands as one of the best I’ve read on the subject. I even made a blog called mirror girl because the title of the book spoke to me. I learnt so much and understood more about dissociation than I ever had before. It’s been invaluable for how I approach clients with dissociative disorders.

[Nigel · Rating 5 out of 5]

WATCHING YOURSELF FROM A DISTANCE
SEVERE DEPERSONALIZATION
The anxiety-depersonalization-anxiety cycle, which is relatively widespread, can turn into a disturbing syndrome for someone with a dissociative disorder. This syndrome seems to be
more common in women, typically starts in their late twenties, and is usually precipitated by pregnancy and childbirth or severe emotional
trauma. The person's dissociative reaction to excessive anxiety triggers further fears of losing control and of being labeled crazy by others.

These fears may in turn feed back into the cycle, setting off another episode of depersonalization and panic. It's a chicken-and-egg situation. If the panic attacks occur first, anxiety is the problem.
If the episodes of depersonalization occur first, dissociation is the problem.
Kirstin, a thirty-six-year-old social worker who suffered from symptoms of anxiety, had been in treatment for obsessive-compulsive disorder for
seven years when she came to me for an evaluation. She was diagnosed on the SCID-D as
having a dissociative disorder and poignantly reported
significant
instances
of
depersonalization that she hadn't recognized before.
"It's happening all the time," said Kirstin

during her SCID-D interview. "It's happening now, this feeling of being an observer, a witness; of being outside myself, taking global stock in what I've done with my life. I have the illness, and yet I have a witness who's very healthy, and very alive, and can see people my age going on, getting good jobs, buying their first house when I haven't. Even though I can communicate with my doctor in English, I can't communicate feelings, and what it's been like moment to moment, day to day, and the problems that it's caused in my personal life, in my professional life. And the saddest thing is that this witness knows that I'm a very good person. It makes me
very sad. I feel like I've lost time that I can't make up."


Seeing this in mothers I say many dads or fathers get it when they don’t have influence of there children or illegitimate consequence of not being there and another surrogacy parent of father takes there place from biological parents.

It’s a let them theory of seeing unmeasurable comparison of others and just being a bad guy story book like Aaron babley

It just won’t make sense.

It’s either problems line in order or to order problems in a line.
An uphill battle…..

For instance a when is a dad joke, a dad joke?
When it’s apparent!

Only a mother can say who a dad is, usually even in three years the biological dad says anything after age three up to age twelve it’s the mother choice no matter what, and from 12-18 if it’s abandoned it’s the child choice to get involved as is.

Children never ask. So it’s redundant of mess that gets ruminating or regurgitating back those years.

It’s incomparable to a healthy relationship that you see only healthy guys get jobs, healthy marriages, healthy family’s or healthy finances, or healthy education,…
sort of all runs who gets the no time and with all the responsibility and no influence. Highlight on influence cause it’s intelligence comes from the mother, and emotional intelligence is a self taught learning experience that everyone is an 8 year old kid as an adults for emotional intelligence. Basically as in the let them theory.

[Leslie Nelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes when children are abused, they dissociate as a defense mechanism. It is helpful as a child, but can be troublesome as an adult. We all dissociate to some degree, daydreaming being one example of a mild form of dissocation. This book explains the differences between dissociation in a mild form and also its moderate and severe forms. Ms. Steinberg pioneered a specific interview to help therapists determine the amount of dissociation a client may be experiencing.

I found Stranger in the Mirror to be very readable and interesting. I read it because I had questions about dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and what is normal. This book answered all my questions. Very helpful.

[JD Evermore · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent! Really helped me understand more about dissociation in general, as well as my own DID specifically. Wrote a blog post about my experience with the book here: http://jessicasplace.edublogs.org/201...

HIGHLY recommend this book for anyone with any level of dissociation, as well as their loved ones, friends, and therapists.

[Sophy H · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an odd little book. I was expecting it to be more academic and factual than it was.

It was more anecdotal than anything, and at times felt like a self help book (with questionnaires and self assessment tools which I found a little weird considering the gravity and the potential life changing nature of the condition discussed).

There are countless excerpts of conversations with patients which make for painful reading. There is a very strong link between childhood abuse and DID which the interviews go into great detail about.

All in all, an ok book if you don't mind an anecdotal type of read but if you're looking for a more academic look at the subject, perhaps this isn't the one.

[Thomas Kitay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is worthy of five stars, not because of its content, but rather because of the limited information pertaining to DID at the time the book was released. As a sufferer from depersonalization, a symptom of my general anxiety disorder, I could not find a single "hint" of information as to why I was feeling the way I was. This book highlighted similar symptoms as to what I experienced; primarily the feeling of disconnect with one's physical body and mind. Essentially this book saved my life, I was fifteen at the time. Today I am a therapist and with that said, looking back on the content of this book, I highly disagree with scales used by Steinberg, as well as the types of therapies used to help those suffering from DID. Much of the content in the book does not portray any evidence-based practice to support Steinberg's therapy models. In fact many of the questions asked were leading and often had patients believing they experienced types of trauma that never took place.

Aside from the therapy, DID doesn't always imply that one has subconsciously developed alter personalities. DID can share very similar symptoms to that of dissociation without the alternate personalities. These symptoms can stem from many types of mental illnesses. In fact many of these symptoms can be a result of medical conditions as well.

As I am grateful that this book did point me towards the direction of an answer, I would not recommend individuals to look for help based solely on the content/therapies within the book and/or use this material to conclude a self-diagnosis.

There are many professionals in the mental health field today that are more qualified in determining an accurate diagnosis.

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt this was an excellent and informative book. The author seems to make a very sincere attempt to communicate in a non-assumptive manner to an audience whom may be experiencing DID anywhere from a mild to severe intensity as well as those who are just reading out of general interest. I didn't give it the 5th star only because I couldn't get on board with Chapter 15 which seemed to be grasping at theories lacking scientific backing unlike the rest of the book which was well supported.

[Lore LongSoulSystem · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be the first in a beginners library. I don't know why I didn't read it earlier.
4.5 stars

[Tess Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book! I watched my daughter unravel into full-blown dissociation from extreme abuse at the hands of a classmate. Everything Dr. Steinberg says is true, and I do believe this is an epidemic. I've read the doubters and the controversy but my daughter developed the full Dissociative Identity Disorder without even being seen by a therapist. I was heartbroken and devastated. My firstborn child went from an honor roll student to having DID. I would give everything I own to have it not be true, and to have her back to where she was pre-trauma.

This book explained her experience with the disorder and reinforced that she was not going crazy, and that she was not the only one who had this perception of the world. As a parent, it gave me what I need more than anything else right now, and that is hope.

I can't thank Dr Steinberg enough for having the courage to research this disorder in the face of opposition and denial.

[Zack · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book took me awhile to get through. The topic was interesting, but the meat of the book was very dry.

[SmarterLilac · Rating 4 out of 5]

Terrific. Really helped me understand not just the psychological but neurophysiological contributors to dissociative conditions. A confusing topic boiled down to its essentials and discussed in a compassionate way.

I wonder if the authors will ever try to reprint another edition that discusses the current clinical thinking about DID, in light of the 'revelations' about the book Sybil being a hoax? (There's a passage in this book in which they defend the psychiatrist who treated, er, invented 'Sybil,' or at least point out that said doctor is no longer around to defend herself against her detractors.)

[Carole · Rating 5 out of 5]

This subject is very interesting to me and this book gave you insight as how to treat this disorder, as well as understand it. Very informative!

[Reem · Rating 3 out of 5]

So,

Let's write about this book.

This book hasn't offered me a lot of new information that I don't already know. I know what dissociation is, being within it.
That said, It has offered me some comfort in reading what and how you are -I am- put in words by others.. feels validating and incredibly of a pat-on-the-shoulder.
Reading some words I relate to, and stories I don't but understand the struggle of, I cried a lot.
However, even if you started reading this book not knowing much, you'll find yourself knowing already everything there's to be told in this book halfway through it. There are some parts, to be fair, that I underlined finding it useful to have them read people whom I'd like understand this condition better (as far as mental illness understanding can get).

It's mainly focused on DID. The title is rather misleading, I find. Although dissociation is indeed being discussed, it's mostly that of DID sufferers. The title does not suggest that at all, neither does the summary.

I did not quite enjoy the stories squeezed in every few lines.
I skipped the second part with the personal stories. Not what I'm looking for reading this book.

I did not like the language used. It quite reflects the psychologist's mindset. In the choice of words, it often took on an unprofessional outlook, "common people" 's, which is often deep down stigmatizing and scared. Other than word choice, the writing style itself is very repetitive, with a lot of filler. This is the biggest let down of the book.


Regarding the bit where some recovery strategies are shared.. once again, nothing groundbreaking was there for me. Specifically that bit, there wasn't much effort but into it, I find, which is probably due to lack of actual helpful knowledge, or "groundbreaking" finds the psychologist was capable of transport into a book. To be fair, that bit included some information that could be helpful to someone who just started experiencing dissociation. However, it is rather a few pointers and nothing of a comprehensive guide.

I skipped chapter 15 as well as the second part with the stories as I mentioned.

Generally, I wouldn't recommend someone who wants to identify symptoms in themselves to read this book particularly, as that can be done using the internet, neither do I recommend it to people who wanted to know more about DP/DR as it doesn't really offer any new information if you're someone who has access to the internet and has done a lot of googling, as myself.
I do take the date of release in mind in my judgment, though.



15.2.'18

[Crunchylump · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dr. Marlene Steinberg MD, a pioneer in the field of dissociation, developed the first diagnostic interview to assess the nature and severity of dissociative symptoms.

Steinberg wrote "The Stranger in the Mirror" in collaboration with Maxine Schnall. I found the details about the different symptom domains clear and easily understandable but the writing was unnecessarily bland, repetitive and surprisingly saccharine as well as somewhat condescending. The case studies are presented as individual short-stories. These three deeply personal accounts are unavoidably emotional of course, but overly detailed descriptions have reduced them to soppy tear jerkers.

Published the same year (2001) I personally much prefer "The Myth of Sanity: Divided Consciousness and the Promise of Awareness" by Martha Stout. Her book explains the same subject using a far more engaging narrative. Unlike "The Stranger in the Mirror" Stout's book did not leave me feeling like a rubberneck.

[Lise · Rating 4 out of 5]

After watching several youtubers with dissociative identity disorder I wanted to learn more. I didn't really doubt them, but the whole concept seemed so weird that I struggled to wrap my head around it. This book gave me more context and how difficult the lives many of these individuals are. It's still odd and unfamiliar, but most serious mental illnesses fall into this category.

It also talks about dissociation in general and how it relates to other concepts like depression and anxiety. I've experienced some mild dissociation and I'm surprised it took me many years to even hear the word. I've never related to the classic descriptions of anxiety like heavy breathing and nagging thoughts, but that it can take the form of dissociation makes a lot of sense.

Most of the book describes a handful of cases that describes the story of individuals with DID and how they got it. It also describes how their psyche is separated into characters and even if it was interesting, it got a bit far fetched sometimes. Probably because of my limited patience when it comes to symbolism and "archetypes". (The author did not use Jungian terms). I do see how it helped the individuals, but I also see how one can get lost in that line of thinking.

I don't think DID is as common as the book describes, but it definitely needs more research. I also think that most people will find knowing the concept of dissociation useful. I recommend this book if you want to research DID specifically, but for dissociation in general maybe start somewhere else.

[Corinne Hughes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very fascinating insight into disassociation. The book is split between a deep dive into disassociation and case studies. I enjoyed the first half and found the case studies to be very intense.

In the first half, I enjoyed understanding the relationships between disassociation, derealization and depersonalization, which often are used interchangeably when, in fact, they are very different experiences related to different issues of the self in relation to the world. The author describes the three in a bermuda triangle in which the self is fully lost. Depersonalization relates to the self-image while derealization relates to where one relates to the world, your self in context.

"When someone can't remember large blocks of time, the person's sense of identity as a continuous life story with a narrative 'shape' and a coherent sequence of events over time is compromised or lost." (p. 101).

The quizzes can be a bit misleading without guidance/assistance from a trained provider, which she also insists on readers finding.

I highly recommend for anyone. As the title implies, this is a hidden epidemic and impacts many people. I think it can help people experiencing these symptoms and also people who are friends, relatives, colleagues, or practitioners.

[Dragon Ross]

First book I read on DID. Started reading because I lost someone I loved to DID. We will get to that after the review.

I love this book. I spent sleepless nights with it because it was interesting. The in-depth analysis of each symptom may seem like a task to read but it is essential. Overall RECCOMENDED. Suited for beginners, intermediates, advanced and experts. Really easy to read. Concepts are broken down with perfect examples. Patients' story gives a great insight plus teaches how to support them. Mainly addresses the stigma around DID and how it is MISDIOGNISED most of the time.

Now onto my experience,
His second personality took over and now it is like he does not even exist. I wish I read this earlier. He told me he thinks he has DID when I asked him, but he sounded so sad we never talked about it again. Now I see what the stress was like and blackish figures he was talking about. Now I also understand why he remembers things sometimes and at other times do not and have a completely different personality at times. Also why he hated the new place he moved to as it didn't feel familiar despite with time. Anyhow it is all over but now I atleast understand it is not just my assumption he actually has DID.

[Tascha Dresser · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read several books on dissociation and especially Dissociative Identity Disorder, in deed this has been a fascination of mine for years. Most of the books I have read concerning this were case histories, memoirs etc. This book is actually more of a helping psychological guide to people who may experience some or all of the symptoms of dissociation and comes with self assessment tests to help the reader determine if he or she is experiencing a normal occurrence of dissociation or whether it could be more severe. It also tells how different types of dissociation happen in conjunction with Dissociative Identity disorder such as depersonalization and derealization which I never thought of before and is actually correct. While this book is nearly twenty years old I can still see it as being useful and informative to people who suffer from Dissociative Identity disorder and the other dissociative disorders. I would recommend this book.

[Adelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned a lot through this book and it inspired me to do more in-depth research on trauma and disorders. I actually scored moderate in a couple of the self-diagnosing tests and found the descriptions relatable and helpful, though I don't officially have any form of this disorder (and have experienced none of the trauma which normally initiates it). It raised my awareness to the enduring severity of childhood trauma and reassured me of my passion for this topic. This book could have been so much longer and I wouldn't have tired of it. The hopeful stories recounting three patients who go through the healing process after being diagnosed with a dissociative disorder are uplifting too, a trait surprisingly hard to find in a book about trauma.
All in all it was fascinating, helpful, and inspiring, and has left me hyper-aware of anyone displaying possible symptoms.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an individual who suffers a great deal from dissociation, I found this book to be an extremely accurate account. It is rich with examples of different levels and types of dissociation as well as a look into the causes and treatments. As with any symptom related to trauma, many of the case stories are full of painful childhood abuse, so read with caution if that content is triggering for you. It is for me, so this book ended up taking longer and being harder for me to get through, but it was worth every minute I spent reading it.

[Fuchsia Dickinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very well explained book by an expert on dissociation that makes you understand not only the topic discussed but others and yourself. I recommend it to everyone, even if they don't think it might be interesting for them. Self knowledge is always golden, and this book also holds a lot of info on how to treat traumatized people and make a better world therefore.

[Emmy]

A bit dry, but somewhat interesting. Might pick it up again.

My biggest concern, however, reading this in 2023, is that the information, which is over 20 years old at this point, might be outdated, inaccurate, or even downright incorrect.

[Shy · Rating 4 out of 5]

a good and accurate description of what it feels and looks like to dissociate. Skimmed mostly but most of the anecdotes were spot on to many of my own dissociative episodes.

[Aisling · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. Definitely a good point to start learning about DID and its symptoms. Way more useful than all the articles you can find about it on the internet.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Great Book.

[Charlene S. Reeves]

Excellent book for people with DID

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

An important read. A topic to know about.

Not a well-written book. Not a joy to read.

[Rose Boyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent book on understanding the 5 levels of dissociation and the severity levels of each.

[Justin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mostly centered on DIE. There is use of hypnosis so that bothers you probably better to read someone else

[Eiichi Yakamoto · Rating 4 out of 5]

Must Read. 4 3/4 ;)