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Coming to My Senses: A Story of Perfume, Pleasure, and an Unlikely Bride
A sudden love affair with fragrance leads to sensual awakening, self-transformation, and an unexpected homecoming At thirty-six—earnest, bookish, terminally shopping averse—Alyssa Harad thinks she knows herself. Then one day she stumbles on a perfume review blog and, surprised by her seduction by such a girly extravagance, she reads in secret. But one trip to the mall and several dozen perfume samples later, she is happily obsessed with the seductive underworld of scent and the brilliant, quirky people she meets there. If only she could put off planning her wedding a little longer. . . . Thus begins a life-changing journey that takes Harad from a private perfume laboratory in Austin, Texas, to the glamorous fragrance showrooms of New York City and a homecoming in Boise, Idaho, with the women who watched her grow up. With warmth and humor, Harad traces the way her unexpected passion helps her open new frontiers and reclaim traditions she had rejected. Full of lush description, this intimate memoir celebrates the many ways there are to come to our senses.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published June 28, 2012
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October 19, 2015Loved, loved, loved this. This book was so lusciously written and made me want to smell everything.
November 12, 2019
I was recently explaining to my book club friend that Coming To My Senses is a book that Past-Me wishes I’d read fifteen years ago when I first found myself fascinated with fragrance, when my obsession was in its heady, beginning stages. Reading it now, in 2019, Present-Me wishes that I had written, myself. But one of the issues that I had with the book is also the reason I would have probably never written the book.
Alyssa Harad comes from a background of academia, and when she discovers and becomes obsessed with the world of fragrance and perfume blogs, I think she initially over-intellectualizes it all a bit (and I believe she’s aware of this in her recounting of the experience) and so her beginner’s love for scented treasures is squirrelly and almost secretive and fraught with feelings of indulging in frivolous nonsense. As someone who took a decade to get their Associate’s degree, and who revels in frivolity, I couldn’t quite relate. But also I don’t have that scholarly drive to dive deep into my passions and find out everything there is to know about the thing I’m interested in, so I’m pretty sure that this book never would have been written on my watch! I bristle and get a bit prickly when I know I am reading something written by someone whose education far exceeds my own, and it’s a struggle to tamp that down and find enjoyment while I also find myself feeling insecure. So I guess when I mention above that I have an issue with the book, it’s really an issue with myself.
Wow. All of this to say… I thoroughly enjoyed the book. Following Alyssa’s perfumed journey from sample orders to private museums to fragrant showrooms re-kindled my own love for perfume, which has waxed and waned over the years– and much to my surprise, I was especially interested in how fragrance figured into her wedding plans. I say “much to my surprise” because I don’t think of myself as someone who cares very much for, or about weddings. I don’t think I’ll ever be married, myself. But I have a keen interest in people’s lives (one might even say I am nosy) especially as it relates to a life lived differently than my own. So while, no, I probably don’t want to attend your wedding, I am very much interested in all of the details that go into it! Its sort of like, “seeing how the other half lives,” if that makes any sense.
Harad’s writing is witty and warm and brims with the loveliest turns of phrase–even when she’s not describing perfume– and aside from my own hang-ups, this was a charming book. I came away from it thinking that I’d love to grab tea with the author, swap favorite fragrances, and compare our perfumed paths.
Alyssa Harad comes from a background of academia, and when she discovers and becomes obsessed with the world of fragrance and perfume blogs, I think she initially over-intellectualizes it all a bit (and I believe she’s aware of this in her recounting of the experience) and so her beginner’s love for scented treasures is squirrelly and almost secretive and fraught with feelings of indulging in frivolous nonsense. As someone who took a decade to get their Associate’s degree, and who revels in frivolity, I couldn’t quite relate. But also I don’t have that scholarly drive to dive deep into my passions and find out everything there is to know about the thing I’m interested in, so I’m pretty sure that this book never would have been written on my watch! I bristle and get a bit prickly when I know I am reading something written by someone whose education far exceeds my own, and it’s a struggle to tamp that down and find enjoyment while I also find myself feeling insecure. So I guess when I mention above that I have an issue with the book, it’s really an issue with myself.
Wow. All of this to say… I thoroughly enjoyed the book. Following Alyssa’s perfumed journey from sample orders to private museums to fragrant showrooms re-kindled my own love for perfume, which has waxed and waned over the years– and much to my surprise, I was especially interested in how fragrance figured into her wedding plans. I say “much to my surprise” because I don’t think of myself as someone who cares very much for, or about weddings. I don’t think I’ll ever be married, myself. But I have a keen interest in people’s lives (one might even say I am nosy) especially as it relates to a life lived differently than my own. So while, no, I probably don’t want to attend your wedding, I am very much interested in all of the details that go into it! Its sort of like, “seeing how the other half lives,” if that makes any sense.
Harad’s writing is witty and warm and brims with the loveliest turns of phrase–even when she’s not describing perfume– and aside from my own hang-ups, this was a charming book. I came away from it thinking that I’d love to grab tea with the author, swap favorite fragrances, and compare our perfumed paths.
December 17, 2013
When I first heard of Alyssa Harad's memoir, I was intrigued. I didn't realize perfume had a larger story or that perfume blogs existed or that someone would be anti-perfume or that perfume could change someone's life.
Harad whisks her reader away on a feast of the senses. I could have sworn I smelled amber and rain and honey and leather and vanilla solely based on reading her rich descriptions. I contemplated how each perfume would settle and what a heart note actually smells like. What scents have I been drawn toward all these years without really thinking about it?
I was fascinated by the association between perfume and memory. Or just plain scent and memory. We might not smell something for years and the moment we do, we have an instant association. Women have long been known for their signature scent and this can bring back memories of special occasions, relationships, and so on.
The perfume world is accessible while feeling remote. Perfume can be costly but I wonder whether it's a more affordable luxury than we give it credit. After all, one bottle can last years. Harad takes us along through the blogs, the history, the perfumers- giving us the information, while also flooding our noses, so to speak. Along the way, she adjusts to a transition in her career and decides to get married to her long-time boyfriend.
Perfume makes her come alive in a whole new way and it was absolutely lovely to witness that transformation. I'm not saying I cried a few tears on the plane. I'm just saying.
Coming to My Senses is an easy and mesmerizing read. I felt strangely bereft when it was done because I wasn't quite ready to leave the world Harad created. It appears I'm starting a new relationship with perfume.
Full review here: http://www.leighkramer.com/blog/2013/...
Harad whisks her reader away on a feast of the senses. I could have sworn I smelled amber and rain and honey and leather and vanilla solely based on reading her rich descriptions. I contemplated how each perfume would settle and what a heart note actually smells like. What scents have I been drawn toward all these years without really thinking about it?
I was fascinated by the association between perfume and memory. Or just plain scent and memory. We might not smell something for years and the moment we do, we have an instant association. Women have long been known for their signature scent and this can bring back memories of special occasions, relationships, and so on.
The perfume world is accessible while feeling remote. Perfume can be costly but I wonder whether it's a more affordable luxury than we give it credit. After all, one bottle can last years. Harad takes us along through the blogs, the history, the perfumers- giving us the information, while also flooding our noses, so to speak. Along the way, she adjusts to a transition in her career and decides to get married to her long-time boyfriend.
Perfume makes her come alive in a whole new way and it was absolutely lovely to witness that transformation. I'm not saying I cried a few tears on the plane. I'm just saying.
Coming to My Senses is an easy and mesmerizing read. I felt strangely bereft when it was done because I wasn't quite ready to leave the world Harad created. It appears I'm starting a new relationship with perfume.
Full review here: http://www.leighkramer.com/blog/2013/...
November 14, 2012
I loved the smells conjured by this book. I really enjoyed Harad's evocative prose, and I think this memoir shone for all the perfumery parts. I didn't love the wedding parts quite so much, but even that was fun to read. I found the part about her mother's perfume, near the end of the book, to be almost unbearably poignant and so moving. I wished she would have called out more of the perfumes she described by name. Recommended, if you love perfume.
February 20, 2017
How to give a star-rating to a memoir about yourself? I exaggerate, but I so identified with Ms. Harad. Like her, I was struggling with a rocky job market during the recession; coming away from academia with mixed feelings about its possibilities; lucky in love in a long-term relationship; and discovering the incredibly creative and original writing that abounds on, of all things, perfume blogs.
It is a literary memoir, and at its heart it is about what Harad learns about others through her unusual interest. Generous in spirit, she finds that people eventually open up with memories and emotions when they learn she's interested in perfume.
In a bit of happenstance, just as I finished this book, I learned that a friend was throwing away hundreds of perfume samples from Neiman Marcus in the 80s. Needless to say, I begged him to rescue the samples, and am now the proud owner of a few total gems-- and a whole lot of loud, purple-eyeshadowed, shoulder-pad-wearing florientals.
It is a literary memoir, and at its heart it is about what Harad learns about others through her unusual interest. Generous in spirit, she finds that people eventually open up with memories and emotions when they learn she's interested in perfume.
In a bit of happenstance, just as I finished this book, I learned that a friend was throwing away hundreds of perfume samples from Neiman Marcus in the 80s. Needless to say, I begged him to rescue the samples, and am now the proud owner of a few total gems-- and a whole lot of loud, purple-eyeshadowed, shoulder-pad-wearing florientals.
January 11, 2019
Too bad this book was not scratch and sniff. Harad does a terrific job of making you want to smell everything she describes. What she also does is show you passions can find you in the strangest places at exactly the right time, and how you never know how something is going to change your life. That it came just as I was having my own scent epiphany makes me all the more happy.
October 7, 2015
Right now I am in the middle of an indie perfume oils obsession (Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, Possets, Arcana, etc) so I am reading this at exactly the right time. Harad is writing about exactly my position, the position of going on forums and blogs and asking people to trade perfumes and paying for decants. and then you start spending way, waaaaaay too much money on "juice" and attempt, perhaps badly, to describe scent notes and get other people into perfume. All the perfume parts of this book were like, "YESSSSSS that is it exactly." The wedding parts were "Ehhhhh, I have no idea. I must be the unlikeliest bride because I have no desire to become one, at least not like this" and not like, fake No Desire because it would hurt my feminist cool (like what it seems Harad is concerned about), like I seriously have no desire for a wedding. Still enjoyed spending time with her, even though I skimmed the wedding parts. She writes pretty well. She seems mostly chill.
Mostly chill because Harad is recovering from years' worth of, uhhh... what I would call a sort of asceticism inspired by academia and liberal ideals (how much the asceticism is actually in service of creating beneficial social change, IDK. Seems like it was mostly a spiritual, as in being ascetic made her feel like a good, ethical person, or a socially performative thing). Lots of scenes basically described as "My educated liberal social circle of Austinites give me the side-eye when I tell them I love perfume, like I'm secretly some ditz from Dallas." I remember specifically one scene where a friend she was speaking to was all like, "I don't want to be the kind of woman who wears perfume," like OMG, judgeeeeeeey. So that's the story of the title. Coming to My Senses = How I Began to Recognize the Judgemental Killjoy Within Myself and Others and Stopped Being So Sanctimonious. I don't know if she is totally there yet. sometimes there is a tinge of, "oh, those pretty girls in middle school were so mean and superficial!" and she still sounds like the girl making a poster of the school's Cool Hierarchy which is something she says she actually did OMG. I mean who's the mean girl in that situation i don't think she realizes it was kinda her
Mostly chill because Harad is recovering from years' worth of, uhhh... what I would call a sort of asceticism inspired by academia and liberal ideals (how much the asceticism is actually in service of creating beneficial social change, IDK. Seems like it was mostly a spiritual, as in being ascetic made her feel like a good, ethical person, or a socially performative thing). Lots of scenes basically described as "My educated liberal social circle of Austinites give me the side-eye when I tell them I love perfume, like I'm secretly some ditz from Dallas." I remember specifically one scene where a friend she was speaking to was all like, "I don't want to be the kind of woman who wears perfume," like OMG, judgeeeeeeey. So that's the story of the title. Coming to My Senses = How I Began to Recognize the Judgemental Killjoy Within Myself and Others and Stopped Being So Sanctimonious. I don't know if she is totally there yet. sometimes there is a tinge of, "oh, those pretty girls in middle school were so mean and superficial!" and she still sounds like the girl making a poster of the school's Cool Hierarchy which is something she says she actually did OMG. I mean who's the mean girl in that situation i don't think she realizes it was kinda her
September 2, 2012
"A sudden love affair with fragrance leads to sensual awakening, self-transformation, and an unexpected homecoming
At thirty-six—earnest, bookish, terminally shopping averse—Alyssa Harad thinks she knows herself. Then one day she stumbles on a perfume review blog and, surprised by her seduction by such a girly extravagance, she reads in secret. But one trip to the mall and several dozen perfume samples later, she is happily obsessed with the seductive underworld of scent and the brilliant, quirky people she meets there. If only she could put off planning her wedding a little longer. . . .
Thus begins a life-changing journey that takes Harad from a private perfume laboratory in Austin, Texas, to the glamorous fragrance showrooms of New York City and a homecoming in Boise, Idaho, with the women who watched her grow up. With warmth and humor, Harad traces the way her unexpected passion helps her open new frontiers and reclaim traditions she had rejected. Full of lush description, this intimate memoir celebrates the many ways there are to come to our senses."
Rate 5/5 Most people don't know that there is a secret society among us who obsess over perfume. I am proud to be among this little-known society that I discovered several years ago. In this memoir Alyssa captured beautifully the way we "perfumistas" begin and continue our journey discovering beautiful fragrances and scents. I read and said to myself "yes, I did the same thing" as she recounted her stories of discovering fragrance. I especially loved the fact that she had a "Perfume Shower" instead of the traditional wedding shower prior to her wedding!! A beautiful and lyrically written account of her journey into the wonderful world of fragrance lovers!
At thirty-six—earnest, bookish, terminally shopping averse—Alyssa Harad thinks she knows herself. Then one day she stumbles on a perfume review blog and, surprised by her seduction by such a girly extravagance, she reads in secret. But one trip to the mall and several dozen perfume samples later, she is happily obsessed with the seductive underworld of scent and the brilliant, quirky people she meets there. If only she could put off planning her wedding a little longer. . . .
Thus begins a life-changing journey that takes Harad from a private perfume laboratory in Austin, Texas, to the glamorous fragrance showrooms of New York City and a homecoming in Boise, Idaho, with the women who watched her grow up. With warmth and humor, Harad traces the way her unexpected passion helps her open new frontiers and reclaim traditions she had rejected. Full of lush description, this intimate memoir celebrates the many ways there are to come to our senses."
Rate 5/5 Most people don't know that there is a secret society among us who obsess over perfume. I am proud to be among this little-known society that I discovered several years ago. In this memoir Alyssa captured beautifully the way we "perfumistas" begin and continue our journey discovering beautiful fragrances and scents. I read and said to myself "yes, I did the same thing" as she recounted her stories of discovering fragrance. I especially loved the fact that she had a "Perfume Shower" instead of the traditional wedding shower prior to her wedding!! A beautiful and lyrically written account of her journey into the wonderful world of fragrance lovers!
March 3, 2013
"Coming to My Senses" is Harad's memoir of falling in love with perfume, and I really had no interest in perfume before reading this book, but I'm so glad I decided to give it a try. I truly enjoyed reading Alyssa Harad's poetic and detailed descriptions of scents. Every time she described a perfume, I felt like I was diving right into the bottle. While she never discounts the pure physical pleasure she derives from perfume, she also explores the way perfumes and other scents create nostalgia and connect us to favorite moments, memories and places. I also enjoyed reading her journey from a closet perfume fan, embarrassed at enjoying something so frivolous, to a more confident woman who used perfume to create connections with other people. Occasionally Harad did get on my nerves- she was so self-deprecating and so determined to show herself as an anti-bride during her wedding preparations that I found myself getting bored and waiting for her to go back to talking about perfume. (Why does she describe herself as "an unlikely bride" in the title? Because she was a little older than the average bride? Because she's not a Barbie? Give me a break.) But overall I enjoyed getting to know the author through her story. And once I had finished, I searched out a bottle of perfume I bought on a trip to Paris in college, and I've been wearing it every day since.
October 19, 2012
I'm not really a perfumista, though I do like perfume. But I exited academia rather as Alyssa Harad did (although I'm still sort of in it, just not in the path I originally chose), and one of the things that drove me crazy about it when I was a grad student was how easy it was to lead a life of total sensory deprivation. Read books. Write papers. Go to seminars. Teach classes. Stagger home at the end of the day and nuke some frozen pizza. Repeat. In the cerebral world I lived in, there wasn't a lot of time, or mental space, for lying around in the sun or staring at beautiful things or listening to music or dancing. Making space for living in my body felt like a small, private rebellion.
All of which is to say that I identified a lot with this book, and found it a deliciously absorbing read. Harad writes gloriously both about perfume and about the difficult, elusive task of trying communicate what perfume does in words. My only complaint is that I wish this book came with a scratch-and-sniff section so I could actually sniff some of those amazing perfumes!
All of which is to say that I identified a lot with this book, and found it a deliciously absorbing read. Harad writes gloriously both about perfume and about the difficult, elusive task of trying communicate what perfume does in words. My only complaint is that I wish this book came with a scratch-and-sniff section so I could actually sniff some of those amazing perfumes!
August 25, 2012
I was disappointed in that it was much more of a memoir than about perfume. There's a lot of great info about perfume, which is fascinating, but I was much less interested in the personal aspects, particularly the getting married part. I did not realize that so much of it was about her personal life.
February 1, 2014
An enjoyable read sharing a woman's passion for perfume. Her writing is rich and I could smell her descriptions. I reflected that we all have unique passions and there are local and virtual communities to support them. It almost makes me want to try perfume again too.
January 17, 2016
Let's just say I'm sitting in bed with my box of decants, taking a mental break from motherhood, and tripping down memory lane. Fantastic read for anyone who has ever stumbled upon a perfume blog, and found themselves craving a sniff of something new.
January 9, 2014
Part 1 was great and relatable since I've ordered those little samples from luckyscent and spent hours of my life on MUA. Part 2 about the wedding planning I could have skipped over.
August 4, 2018
This book speaks to people who love perfume for the sake of it, the people that smell the air after it rains and inhale tea more than they taste it.
If you are not one of those people, you may find it a bit dull, not much unlike other female-discovery-journey books, with a significant amount of chatter about a wedding and wannabe young activism.
But if you are, the perfume story will take the spotlight and lure you in with power... and anything else will be endearing detail. There will be just so many moments feeling familiar and scenes that strike such private chords : the first scents you remember, your cheap teen perfume with the same notes you love later in your niche expensive ones, the pleasure of discovering the blogs (nst ! bois de jasmin!), the out-of-place feeling of grand stores selling bottles at outrageous prices- and braving that feeling for the sake of finding that perfect jasmin or magnolia, the 'shared secret' feeling when finding a perfume friend.
If you are not one of those people, you may find it a bit dull, not much unlike other female-discovery-journey books, with a significant amount of chatter about a wedding and wannabe young activism.
But if you are, the perfume story will take the spotlight and lure you in with power... and anything else will be endearing detail. There will be just so many moments feeling familiar and scenes that strike such private chords : the first scents you remember, your cheap teen perfume with the same notes you love later in your niche expensive ones, the pleasure of discovering the blogs (nst ! bois de jasmin!), the out-of-place feeling of grand stores selling bottles at outrageous prices- and braving that feeling for the sake of finding that perfect jasmin or magnolia, the 'shared secret' feeling when finding a perfume friend.
July 3, 2023
Perhaps this is not fair -- as I revise my book, I read this one (well, started it, got 44 pages in) to understand more about how deeply researched nonfiction books, evincing a mastery of a specific subject material, can be structured to present both the research and the person behind it. And though Alyssa Hadad writes well, with sparkling sentences and a gentle sense of self, though she sounds like an interesting person -- I care simply not at all about perfumes! The closest I could come while reading was recalling how I learned about the flowery prose of whisky writers (esp. Michael Jackson) some 15 years ago, and how I admire the attempt to describe a non-verbal sensation using words.
July 8, 2017
I do not read books just because they have beautiful prose.
I am not a big reader of memoirs.
But this book is much more than lovely sentences or touching personal insights. I was hooked from the start--partly because I could identify with the author in many ways (although in other areas we are very different) and partly because she managed to make subject of perfume fascinating.
Since reading this book I have taken more notice of the scents around me.
I am not a big reader of memoirs.
But this book is much more than lovely sentences or touching personal insights. I was hooked from the start--partly because I could identify with the author in many ways (although in other areas we are very different) and partly because she managed to make subject of perfume fascinating.
Since reading this book I have taken more notice of the scents around me.
December 22, 2017
I'd give this a 3.5, rounding up. As someone who is similarly obsessed with perfume, I could definitely relate to the author's experiences of being immersed in the world of fragrances, and by extension, other sensory pleasures. I enjoyed those sections of the book very much. The large portion of the book dealing with her wedding was of less interest to me, and made overall for a fairly disjointed book.
September 10, 2023
I came across this book while researching a novel I'm working on about a perfumer. What an amazing debut! I think being a person who loves perfume is helpful but not necessary when reading this memoir. Harad's writing is great, but when she talks about perfume, it becomes lyrical, her passion for the topic clearly showing. Don't be surprised if, after reading this book, you want to rush straight to your computer to buy a bottle of perfume!
December 11, 2021
Somehow the second book I’ve read this year to come for one of my favorite perfumes: “…a stony incense-and-lilies perfume that I have always wanted to like more than I really do.”
I’ll forgive it. The book was a timely reminder that you can enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them. That life is better when you do.
I’ll forgive it. The book was a timely reminder that you can enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them. That life is better when you do.
February 1, 2024
I stumbled upon this book in my quest for all things perfume-related, and it was a delightful discovery. Harad's writing is delectable, capturing the essence of scent with finesse. She effortlessly creates a world where fragrance becomes tangible, each page a tapestry of unique aromas. It's a must-read for anyone enchanted by the allure of scent. What a unique find!!
August 7, 2017
Simply spectacular. An evocative memoir that made me realize just how much scents have played a part in my most treasured memories. Hoping there's more written by this author on any topic!
May 31, 2019
Loved this beautiful book.
August 4, 2023
I wasn't sure how this book would go because I did not consider myself "into perfume." But it is such a fun read that I may just have to get started with a mini obsession of my own.
May 26, 2015
This book had a lot of buzz in the fragrance groups that I frequent. I had high hopes for it, and for the most part, I think it is a good book, but it lost me about halfway in.
The book is kind of a memoir of someone who is a perfume junky and became a writer for a perfume blog. The story weaves through her experience as a closet perfume lover and her "coming out" (I guess you could say) and also her wedding.
One thing I can definitely praise it for is that if you are one of the people who loves fragrances (such as myself), it is immediately accessible and easy to relate to. She isn't just pretending to be someone interested in fragrance--she IS that person. She is one of us. Her love for perfume is easy to see. And I love that. Her writing style is very polished, conversational, and easy to read, and that is very commendable. It was a pleasure to read overall.
My biggest criticisms come in when she is talking about her wedding. I really do want to know why it was in here to begin with. There is one point of convergence, but overall, the entire wedding plot could have been either truncated or taken out without hurting the book at all. And I have to think that with a title like "Coming to My Senses", having a long wedding arc is really out of place. At first I thought that maybe it just has to do with my being a man. That it isn't easy to relate to because I'm not a woman who has been in that situation. But as I continued to read, I realized that that's not the case entirely (though I'm sure that's part of it). She has a very nontraditional point of view, and her wedding is also nontraditional. There is so much of that arc that is foreign that it makes me wonder if most people felt as alienated as I did. It would be one thing if the wedding story were only just a long arc and just part of the story overall, but it seemed to be the majority of the book, and that just seems unforgivable for this type of book. As I mentioned there is one connection with perfume and the wedding and that is mostly just the wedding shower (no spoilers). Sure she wore perfume on her wedding day, but that was actually mentioned in passing. It seemed that the only real reason the wedding story was in here was really to fill space and as a passage of time for the events in the book.
This is obviously a memoir. But another complaint, and maybe my biggest one is, why was this made? Who is she? I don't mean that in an ugly way, but typically autobiographies are written by people who are well-known and who are important to many people. Alyssa Harad seems like a wonderful lady, but she isn't hyper-interesting like most subjects of biographies or autobiographies. She's just another person like you and me. That fact kind of took me out of the immersion of the book and left me with the nagging thought, "Why is this person important enough to write this?" Even being a writer for a perfume blog doesn't seem like enough. I know many people who are just as interesting--if not more--who would not be able to write a book that would interest anyone. And I hate to say it, but after reading the book, you are left with a well-written mundane story about events that few people would care about.
It's not a bad book. But it's not a great book. Perhaps it isn't even a very good book either. It just hangs in the middle somewhere. If you are a perfume lover, it is worth reading for some of the loving things she says, but don't buy it. Just borrow it. And you'll want to skim over most of the wedding bits since they honestly don't add anything.
This was a disappointment, and I hate to say that. I wanted to really like this book, and at first I was convinced that I would.
The book is kind of a memoir of someone who is a perfume junky and became a writer for a perfume blog. The story weaves through her experience as a closet perfume lover and her "coming out" (I guess you could say) and also her wedding.
One thing I can definitely praise it for is that if you are one of the people who loves fragrances (such as myself), it is immediately accessible and easy to relate to. She isn't just pretending to be someone interested in fragrance--she IS that person. She is one of us. Her love for perfume is easy to see. And I love that. Her writing style is very polished, conversational, and easy to read, and that is very commendable. It was a pleasure to read overall.
My biggest criticisms come in when she is talking about her wedding. I really do want to know why it was in here to begin with. There is one point of convergence, but overall, the entire wedding plot could have been either truncated or taken out without hurting the book at all. And I have to think that with a title like "Coming to My Senses", having a long wedding arc is really out of place. At first I thought that maybe it just has to do with my being a man. That it isn't easy to relate to because I'm not a woman who has been in that situation. But as I continued to read, I realized that that's not the case entirely (though I'm sure that's part of it). She has a very nontraditional point of view, and her wedding is also nontraditional. There is so much of that arc that is foreign that it makes me wonder if most people felt as alienated as I did. It would be one thing if the wedding story were only just a long arc and just part of the story overall, but it seemed to be the majority of the book, and that just seems unforgivable for this type of book. As I mentioned there is one connection with perfume and the wedding and that is mostly just the wedding shower (no spoilers). Sure she wore perfume on her wedding day, but that was actually mentioned in passing. It seemed that the only real reason the wedding story was in here was really to fill space and as a passage of time for the events in the book.
This is obviously a memoir. But another complaint, and maybe my biggest one is, why was this made? Who is she? I don't mean that in an ugly way, but typically autobiographies are written by people who are well-known and who are important to many people. Alyssa Harad seems like a wonderful lady, but she isn't hyper-interesting like most subjects of biographies or autobiographies. She's just another person like you and me. That fact kind of took me out of the immersion of the book and left me with the nagging thought, "Why is this person important enough to write this?" Even being a writer for a perfume blog doesn't seem like enough. I know many people who are just as interesting--if not more--who would not be able to write a book that would interest anyone. And I hate to say it, but after reading the book, you are left with a well-written mundane story about events that few people would care about.
It's not a bad book. But it's not a great book. Perhaps it isn't even a very good book either. It just hangs in the middle somewhere. If you are a perfume lover, it is worth reading for some of the loving things she says, but don't buy it. Just borrow it. And you'll want to skim over most of the wedding bits since they honestly don't add anything.
This was a disappointment, and I hate to say that. I wanted to really like this book, and at first I was convinced that I would.
January 25, 2013
I love Luca Turin's and Chandler Burr's books on perfume. But none of their books made my eyes well up with tears the way that Alyssa's has.
She really has quite a talent in bringing certain emotions to the surface based on a simple description of perfume and smelling perfume and wearing perfume. For the first time, I, too, don't feel like the crazy person who gabs incessantly about perfume notes to her friends. It's a vulnerability to speak passionately about something that other people don't quite understand or appreciate. Alyssa threw herself out there because the feeling for perfume was so strong she couldn't keep it bottled up (pun soooo intended there).
Some of my eyes-welling-with-tears-passages:
"...What should a woman smell like? Should she smell of lipstick and powder, of silk and fur? Of cookies, clean laundry, and homemade chicken soup? Should she smell of apples? Should she smell of soap and hot water, of toothpaste and shampoo? Of milk, of blood, of her own warm skin? Should she smell of earth? Of forests? Should she smell of the sea?"
"How many smells should a woman have? What on earth, everyone wants to know--so maybe you do too--am I going to do with all that perfume? I admit it, when I open my perfume closet (or the drawers--did I tell you about the drawers?), I sometimes wonder myself. But then I turn around and look at all the books on my shelves. I think of all the hundreds of songs stored on my laptop, and all the art I've looked at and still hope to see. I consider the countless good meals I've eaten. And I remember again what I will do with all that perfume. I will wear it. I will talk about it. I will give it away. I will dream about some bottles and forget that others exist. I will get very excited about new additions, and I will come back to old favorites. I will think about it, and I will let it convince me to stop thinking. I will depend on it for comfort, and turn to it when I want to celebrate. I will treat it, in short, the way I do all the other pleasures in my life. All those things that exist because someone besides me thinks that life, no matter how difficult it becomes, should be more than the bare necessities."
"And when I held the beautiful bottle I had seen only in photographs, I couldn't resist taking off the cap to sniff at the thrilling abundance of a perfume I'd been doling out to myself a drop at a time. Suddenly, everything went silent, the room receded, and I closed my eyes and disappeared into the private world conjured up by the beautiful scent. It was just a moment, but when I opened my eyes and the world rushed back to life, I was in love with perfume all over again and I wanted only what all lovers want: to talk about the charms of my beloved, in detail and at length, to anyone who would listen."
lord, even typing this brings a tear to my mascaraed eye. I have to say, my circle of friends, my family, colleagues, don't really "get" my obsession. But then, my obsession takes the form of perfume, while other people are passionate about other lovely things. With Alyssa, I have found solace in my weirdness about scent and the weird things I do related to perfume (like sniffing the air around me because I caught a whiff of Shalimar). Certainly, there are other people out there that love perfume as much as I do and can think of no greater fun than to go sniffing at the nearest perfume counters. Sadly, they don't live near me. And if they, do they're not coming out of their perfume closets.
She really has quite a talent in bringing certain emotions to the surface based on a simple description of perfume and smelling perfume and wearing perfume. For the first time, I, too, don't feel like the crazy person who gabs incessantly about perfume notes to her friends. It's a vulnerability to speak passionately about something that other people don't quite understand or appreciate. Alyssa threw herself out there because the feeling for perfume was so strong she couldn't keep it bottled up (pun soooo intended there).
Some of my eyes-welling-with-tears-passages:
"...What should a woman smell like? Should she smell of lipstick and powder, of silk and fur? Of cookies, clean laundry, and homemade chicken soup? Should she smell of apples? Should she smell of soap and hot water, of toothpaste and shampoo? Of milk, of blood, of her own warm skin? Should she smell of earth? Of forests? Should she smell of the sea?"
"How many smells should a woman have? What on earth, everyone wants to know--so maybe you do too--am I going to do with all that perfume? I admit it, when I open my perfume closet (or the drawers--did I tell you about the drawers?), I sometimes wonder myself. But then I turn around and look at all the books on my shelves. I think of all the hundreds of songs stored on my laptop, and all the art I've looked at and still hope to see. I consider the countless good meals I've eaten. And I remember again what I will do with all that perfume. I will wear it. I will talk about it. I will give it away. I will dream about some bottles and forget that others exist. I will get very excited about new additions, and I will come back to old favorites. I will think about it, and I will let it convince me to stop thinking. I will depend on it for comfort, and turn to it when I want to celebrate. I will treat it, in short, the way I do all the other pleasures in my life. All those things that exist because someone besides me thinks that life, no matter how difficult it becomes, should be more than the bare necessities."
"And when I held the beautiful bottle I had seen only in photographs, I couldn't resist taking off the cap to sniff at the thrilling abundance of a perfume I'd been doling out to myself a drop at a time. Suddenly, everything went silent, the room receded, and I closed my eyes and disappeared into the private world conjured up by the beautiful scent. It was just a moment, but when I opened my eyes and the world rushed back to life, I was in love with perfume all over again and I wanted only what all lovers want: to talk about the charms of my beloved, in detail and at length, to anyone who would listen."
lord, even typing this brings a tear to my mascaraed eye. I have to say, my circle of friends, my family, colleagues, don't really "get" my obsession. But then, my obsession takes the form of perfume, while other people are passionate about other lovely things. With Alyssa, I have found solace in my weirdness about scent and the weird things I do related to perfume (like sniffing the air around me because I caught a whiff of Shalimar). Certainly, there are other people out there that love perfume as much as I do and can think of no greater fun than to go sniffing at the nearest perfume counters. Sadly, they don't live near me. And if they, do they're not coming out of their perfume closets.
January 22, 2015
For someone with a background closer to the author's, this could easily have been a four- or even five-star book. I did love everything about her scent descriptions, and the softness and easiness of the romance grew on me. The story of her babysteps into allowing herself to love perfume was engaging, beautiful, and relatable. Do pick this book up if any of that appeals.
It was clearly written for people utterly unlike me, though. That's not necessarily bad - a lot of what irked me was the assumption that her cultural experiences would be legible to the reader. Which is often going to be true! It just means I was stuck feeling very much on the outside of things. My background is a dirt-poor, weed-stink, skinny-dipping old tie-dye hippie one, where lots of kids my age ended up badly neglected at best, and everyone was very self righteous about their alternative choices. The world she paints, where everyone knows how to dress and even in a household where perfume wasn't really addressed and the child ended up feeling weirdly ashamed of her interest, there were perfume gifts and "signature scents", where there are big families without abuse and etiquette is assumed... I guess I'm the alien here, but identifying a cologne as something "your father probably wore" just... Differences in culture and class, I guess. Meh.
Also, while I love perfume, I'm married to someone who gets headaches from scented products. She mentions headaches from perfume once, and then conflates it with displeasure at the industry and the economics of perfume, which... huh? Both unpleasant, but otherwise totally unrelated? And when she talks about sillage, it's completely in the context of women and taking up space, of sensuality and sharing experiences, of the wonderful things about perfume, and not at all about the health of the people around you. I adore perfume, and I've started experimenting with scented products to find things I can use that won't make my spouse miserable. I read the book because I love perfume. My needs aren't the only ones that exist, though, and my pleasure shouldn't cause anyone else pain.
I will have a look at this author's online writing. The parts that didn't read as alienating or clueless were incredible.
It was clearly written for people utterly unlike me, though. That's not necessarily bad - a lot of what irked me was the assumption that her cultural experiences would be legible to the reader. Which is often going to be true! It just means I was stuck feeling very much on the outside of things. My background is a dirt-poor, weed-stink, skinny-dipping old tie-dye hippie one, where lots of kids my age ended up badly neglected at best, and everyone was very self righteous about their alternative choices. The world she paints, where everyone knows how to dress and even in a household where perfume wasn't really addressed and the child ended up feeling weirdly ashamed of her interest, there were perfume gifts and "signature scents", where there are big families without abuse and etiquette is assumed... I guess I'm the alien here, but identifying a cologne as something "your father probably wore" just... Differences in culture and class, I guess. Meh.
Also, while I love perfume, I'm married to someone who gets headaches from scented products. She mentions headaches from perfume once, and then conflates it with displeasure at the industry and the economics of perfume, which... huh? Both unpleasant, but otherwise totally unrelated? And when she talks about sillage, it's completely in the context of women and taking up space, of sensuality and sharing experiences, of the wonderful things about perfume, and not at all about the health of the people around you. I adore perfume, and I've started experimenting with scented products to find things I can use that won't make my spouse miserable. I read the book because I love perfume. My needs aren't the only ones that exist, though, and my pleasure shouldn't cause anyone else pain.
I will have a look at this author's online writing. The parts that didn't read as alienating or clueless were incredible.
September 24, 2012
“Coming to My Senses” is a memoir of a short period of author Harad’s life, covering the time between her discovery of perfume blogs and shortly after her wedding. It is all about how perfume became not just an interest, but a passion, and how it changed the way she thought about herself.
Harad was a scholarly, feminist free lance writer who hated shopping and had no interest in feminine frills. Then she clicked by accident into some perfume blogs and got hooked on the descriptions of scent- what the perfumes contained, how they made the wearers feel. This struck a chord in her, and she started to find out more about perfume, and started using it. For a long time she kept her interest to herself, not wanting to be made fun of by serious minded people. But as she started bringing the subject up, she was amazed to discover that it was a love of many people- including those serious minded ones.
But it wasn’t just an interest or hobby. Wearing perfume started to change how she felt about herself. An elegant perfume made her want to change out of her boring work-at-home clothes and into something prettier. She started going to a gym, and feeling more in touch with her body, more balanced. Ultimately, it made her decide, after living for years with someone, that she wanted a girly wedding.
The book is a memoir, not a treatise on perfumes. It’s all about her relationship with the scents and with herself, not about the perfumes themselves, although she does write about a few of the perfumes and perfume components- it would be hard to write about perfume without giving some history. One thing that really disappointed me was that the author didn’t give the names of many of the perfumes she talks about. It would be fun for a reader to sniff perfumes and compare their reaction to what her’s was. And I really want to know what is the name of the one that is honey based and makes her husband follow her around the house?
Harad was a scholarly, feminist free lance writer who hated shopping and had no interest in feminine frills. Then she clicked by accident into some perfume blogs and got hooked on the descriptions of scent- what the perfumes contained, how they made the wearers feel. This struck a chord in her, and she started to find out more about perfume, and started using it. For a long time she kept her interest to herself, not wanting to be made fun of by serious minded people. But as she started bringing the subject up, she was amazed to discover that it was a love of many people- including those serious minded ones.
But it wasn’t just an interest or hobby. Wearing perfume started to change how she felt about herself. An elegant perfume made her want to change out of her boring work-at-home clothes and into something prettier. She started going to a gym, and feeling more in touch with her body, more balanced. Ultimately, it made her decide, after living for years with someone, that she wanted a girly wedding.
The book is a memoir, not a treatise on perfumes. It’s all about her relationship with the scents and with herself, not about the perfumes themselves, although she does write about a few of the perfumes and perfume components- it would be hard to write about perfume without giving some history. One thing that really disappointed me was that the author didn’t give the names of many of the perfumes she talks about. It would be fun for a reader to sniff perfumes and compare their reaction to what her’s was. And I really want to know what is the name of the one that is honey based and makes her husband follow her around the house?
July 21, 2013
Reading Alyssa Harad's semi-confessional exploration of scent and personal identity is a bit like sharing coffee with a friend who tells you about a new pursuit so enthusiastically that you end up feeling just as wrapped up in her interest as she is. While I'm not much of a perfume afficionada, and felt skeptical when a friend recommended Harad's book to me, I quickly found myself wanting to accumulate a perfume closet of my own so that I might truly understand the layers of her narrative.
Some readers have criticized Part II, in which Harad describes her personal journey from wedding-skeptic to stereotypical bride. While I agree that these chapters move more slowly than those before and after (Part III seems terribly brief), the bridal shower at the core of this section brings scent and identity and community together in a way that moved me to tears. It was while reading these pages that I recalled my mother's perfume, and the perfume personalities I tried on as an adolescent and young adult. I remembered scents that I hadn't thought about in over a decade, and with them, those phases of my life. Childhood joys, ex-boyfriends, dorm rooms, the day I got married (on which a bottle of perfume which my husband had bought for me exploded in his glove compartment...it was a heavily-scented honeymoon trip!), friends who gifted this scent or recommended that one. On the surface this is the frivolous stuff of yet another privileged-white-woman handbook, and most readers probably won't identify with the desire to make perfume writing a career. But those are naught but topnotes. In the drydown, the quest for personal history and identity is at the base, and that is something to which we can all relate.
(Written while wearing Fresh's Cannibis Santal, which, if pressed, I might admit to being my "signature scent.")
Some readers have criticized Part II, in which Harad describes her personal journey from wedding-skeptic to stereotypical bride. While I agree that these chapters move more slowly than those before and after (Part III seems terribly brief), the bridal shower at the core of this section brings scent and identity and community together in a way that moved me to tears. It was while reading these pages that I recalled my mother's perfume, and the perfume personalities I tried on as an adolescent and young adult. I remembered scents that I hadn't thought about in over a decade, and with them, those phases of my life. Childhood joys, ex-boyfriends, dorm rooms, the day I got married (on which a bottle of perfume which my husband had bought for me exploded in his glove compartment...it was a heavily-scented honeymoon trip!), friends who gifted this scent or recommended that one. On the surface this is the frivolous stuff of yet another privileged-white-woman handbook, and most readers probably won't identify with the desire to make perfume writing a career. But those are naught but topnotes. In the drydown, the quest for personal history and identity is at the base, and that is something to which we can all relate.
(Written while wearing Fresh's Cannibis Santal, which, if pressed, I might admit to being my "signature scent.")
October 5, 2013
This book has much to offer for those patient enough to read it. If you don't mind getting up occasionally from this book to let every single word sink in and to ponder what's been written, I highly recommend reading this.
Harad accomplished something that, in my opinion, authors are finding re and more difficult to do - I got to know her, her quirks and personality, and though I didn't agree with all her actions or understand all her logic and thoughts I still found quite a bit to pull out from this. I'm not a perfume addict although I do enjoy reading about their composition, looking at the bottles, and most importantly - smelling them. Her book was like perfume in a sense - it made me imagine another life, another me, one where I was someone who specialized in fragrances, their chemical make up, who mingled with people from the higher end of the fashion world and had the same luck as Harad did. Her prose is very well written and captivating. It wasn't biased or preachy, but was just real and felt natural, like someone recorded a conversation and simply transferred it onto paper. It took me into the inner depths of the perfume world and I came back out from it feeling enlightened.
I would say that the main focus on the book is not just perfume but rather something beyond that. This book explores our humanness, the way we see things and how we make them relate to us. There is quite a bit to be taken from the pages of this book, whether you're a fan of perfume or not. It should be approached with an open mind and a willingness to learn more. It, like the perfume that is described in this book, will make you dream, and give you another life that you might have fancied once long ago but tucked away into some dark corner of your mind.
Harad accomplished something that, in my opinion, authors are finding re and more difficult to do - I got to know her, her quirks and personality, and though I didn't agree with all her actions or understand all her logic and thoughts I still found quite a bit to pull out from this. I'm not a perfume addict although I do enjoy reading about their composition, looking at the bottles, and most importantly - smelling them. Her book was like perfume in a sense - it made me imagine another life, another me, one where I was someone who specialized in fragrances, their chemical make up, who mingled with people from the higher end of the fashion world and had the same luck as Harad did. Her prose is very well written and captivating. It wasn't biased or preachy, but was just real and felt natural, like someone recorded a conversation and simply transferred it onto paper. It took me into the inner depths of the perfume world and I came back out from it feeling enlightened.
I would say that the main focus on the book is not just perfume but rather something beyond that. This book explores our humanness, the way we see things and how we make them relate to us. There is quite a bit to be taken from the pages of this book, whether you're a fan of perfume or not. It should be approached with an open mind and a willingness to learn more. It, like the perfume that is described in this book, will make you dream, and give you another life that you might have fancied once long ago but tucked away into some dark corner of your mind.
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