Bang: Memoirs of a Relationship Assassin

by David Wailing

DON'T NEED THE OTHER HALF ANY MORE?

TAKE THEM OUT.

So, you've hired a detective agency to prove your partner is cheating on you. But there's no evidence to be found. Who you gonna call?

Me. I am the assassin. Your friend.

Anything your other half secretly desires, whatever makes her give in to temptation... that's who I'll become. Get close to her. Take her out. Bang. That's what a relationship assassin does. Infidelity for hire!

But don't think I'm heartless. I'm a professional. I've got Rules to protect my targets. Rules to stop them getting too close to the real me. Rules that were blown away when three extraordinary women – the seductress, the celebrity, and the office girl – turned my world inside out.

And for a relationship assassin, having an other half was like shooting myself in the heart...

Genres: Romance, Fiction, Thriller, Mystery, Contemporary

282 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 19, 2011

About the author

I was born in Nineteen Davidey-Dave (all the best people were born that year) and live in London. I write contemporary fiction, a blend of mystery, thriller and humour.

My most recent novel is Under, a horror/mystery set on the London Underground. Both it and Signal Failure - a prelude short story available for free - are the result of a long-held fascination with the London Underground and its history.

As a native Londoner I have travelled on the Tube thousands of times, but it always feels like inhabiting a slightly different world to the city on the surface. The facts and figures of the Underground are just as fascinating as its mysteries and shadowy corners, and I hope my book does justice to both aspects.

I have five other novels available as Kindle ebooks: Auto, Auto 2, Bang, Duallists and Fake Kate.

Reviews

[J.A. Belfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't think I've ever been as surprised by a book as I was by this one.

I absolutely loved everything about it that I should have hated.

I should have hated the writing style. The author pretty much broke every rule in the book. Not for one minute did he follow any guidelines. Yet it only seemed to add to this book's uniqueness, giving the MC a voice all of his own. And with all his different 'faces' so excellently formulated, I always knew exactly which persona was leading the show. Just brilliant.

I should have hated the character. If I'd met John or Scott or Andrew--whoever--in real life I'd have pegged him as a total w****r. Instead, I fell in love with this guy. Connected with him from the off. Hoped for him to pull stunt after stunt just so I could be privy to his antics. I wanted to know him.

But the book was so much more, so much deeper than something as simple as just those two points.
It was hilarious in all the right places. Dark in all the right places. Tender and downright emotional in all the right places.
It was full of some of the best characterisation I've seen in a while--full bodied, full history, full of life.
And damn, if one bothers to look beyond the sheer entertainment value this one has to offer, the psychology of it all is possibly what made me 'feel' for the MC, as well as want to just keep reading and reading.

Though I fear this might be a love/hate book. All I can say is don't take this one at face value. Because it really does offer so much more.

[Mags · Rating 3 out of 5]

And now for something completely different!

As an antidote to The New Cthulhu, this definitely fitted the bill.

Scott is a relationship assassin. And despite his profession, I found myself caring what happened to him. The way the story and his history unfolds is done very well.

Enjoyed this.

[Joo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, what can I say - apart from "Marvellous"

This is the story of "Scott" who is a relationship assassin, ie someone who ruins a relationship for payment. He starts off quite cocky, but as the story unfolds he becomes more human. As with Fake Kate there's a lot about identity.

I really like David's writing. It is simple and flowing and just a joy to read. I hate discovering fresh new authors as there's no back catalogue for me to devour . I am officially a massive Wailing fan.

If you liked Fake Kate, you'll love this.

[Elizabeth Jasper · Rating 5 out of 5]

By the author of ‘Fake Kate’, ‘Bang: the memoirs of a relationship assassin’ is original, fast-moving contemporary fiction for today. Very well-written in the first person, it conveys present day morality and media hype in a perceptive fashion, showing how shallow characters can delve to ever deeper depths to achieve their own ends at the expense of others.

Pacing is excellent, with plenty of action - some hilarious, some dangerous - alternating with periods of internal dialogue that, far from being boring, are insightful and sympathetic.

On the surface, the premise of this story is clear. If you are tired of your husband/wife, contact Infidelity Ltd and employ Scott Rowley to prove your spouse is cheating on you, even if they are not. Scott is a relationship assassin, prepared to go to any lengths to prove a partner’s infidelity, including manipulation, charm, lies and seduction. Using his chameleon-like ability to become whoever the target desires most, his success rate is phenomenal. Until, that is, he starts to break his self-imposed ‘rules’, including never breaking up a relationship where even one of the partners is still in love with the other, never working for a third party, and never, ever getting involved. When Scott meets Becky, a target engaged to be married, he finds himself stretching his own rules to breaking point.

Underneath the surface, this book is about identity and what it means. Is Scott simply a versatile actor using his talents to make money from unprincipled people prepared to pay to get out of their marriage, or does it go deeper? Does he become the characters he plays and who is he really?

[Patricia-k3 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bang: Memoirs of a Relationship Assassin was a 0.99 Kindle time-waster for me to read when I needed a few moments of brainlessness in between other tasks. WRONG! (Well, except for the Kindle cheapie part, that is.) I had heard nothing about this author and, since I've been burned by the past half-dozen or so Kindle freebies (getting exactly what I'd paid for, or less), my expectations were very low. It was a pleasant surprise to find a protagonist so real, despite his own lack of identity, that I both loved him and wanted to choke him at the same time - to me, a character I feel that ambivalent about is very human, very much like ... well, like most of the OTHER people in my life! Somehow, the MC managed to be both simplistically male (hours of pinball, anyone?) and deeply, complexly human, with all the foibles and strength that both entail.

The light, almost-bantering tone of the writing style was a surprise, but not an unpleasant one. This is the first book I've read since the Harry Potter series that *sounds* so uniquely British, yet the definitely modern tone and settings (as well as the little "extras," such as business cards with URLs that, yes, do actually link you to Infidelity, Ltd.'s website - I checked!) provide a slight, charming dissonance for an American reader.

Overall, this is a deceptive novel - and not just in the intentional actions of the MC. You, the reader, are likely to find yourself drawn in, charmed by the seemingly tongue-in-cheek shallowness of the story, and then suddenly ... BANG! You're hooked.

[Lorraine Versini · Rating 5 out of 5]

NONONONONO MISTER WAILING ! You just CANNOT play with the reader’s feelings the way you do ! I swear, during the book, I went from feeling all oooh and aaah to experiencing shock horror, and from laughing my head off to crying my eyes out ! Totally confusing, but totally great !

No really this book is fab. The writing certainly has lots of charm and qualities. David Wailing makes it easy even for a woman to get into a bloke’s head, and the whole story is told as if Scott was telling his mates in front of a pint at the pub, which makes the story very vibrant and entertaining, compared to the dull “I did this and I did that” way of telling.

I think part of the surprise also lies with the fact that the blurb doesn’t actually give much as far as the tone of the story is concerned… yep, I was “expecting to see a pistol with a silencer” in Scott’s hand ! I must confess I was quite curious about the concept of relationship assassin. Now that I’ve read the story the b*tch in me wants to do this kind of job !

One can totally see why the writer is interested in identity and there’s no doubt he probably enjoyed himself very much when writing the story ! Can’t wait to meet David’s other main characters, and hopefully get in their head too. Wonder if he’d pull it off with a female character … because surely getting into a woman's head wouldn’t be quite so easy ;) !

[Dana Delamar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another amazing book from David Wailing. I really enjoyed "Fake Kate," and this book shows the same excellent character development, plotting, and writing as that one. Once again, Wailing's voice shines through -- witty, intelligent, a bit snarky at times, but with true heart underneath.

The premise of the book -- a man who specializes in breaking up bad relationships by inciting infidelity -- is certainly intriguing. On the face of it, you'd think such a person would be awful and perhaps unsympathetic, and there were a few times when I didn't much care for the main character. But there are hints of someone else underneath, and they start to come out when the main character, Scott, violates his own rules and becomes enmeshed with Becky, a woman whose relationship he destroyed.

Scott genuinely enjoys his connection to Becky; for once, he allows someone into his life. But his carefully constructed facade starts to crumble, revealing some truly awful skeletons in Scott's closet--skeletons that shaped him, and not in the best of ways. By the end, he must come face to face with what he's done and learn who he truly is at his core.

All around, this book was really well done.

I'm eagerly looking forward to Wailing's next book; he is definitely an author to watch!

[Kath Middleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read and enjoyed some short stories by David Wailing and felt it was time I read a full length novel. The Relationship Assassin of the title is Scott Rowley who earns his living by breaking up relationships through honeytraps and seduction. It goes well (for him) until he breaks his own rules and falls for a 'target'.

This is a funny and fast moving story which, tempting though it is to read and enjoy it on a superficial level, has greater depths. It asks us who we are. Do we know who anyone is? We all have our masks, the faces we want people to see. Scott Rowley is such a chamaeleon that eventually he himself is no longer sure who the real Scott is.

The characters in this book are all well drawn and the dialogue moves smoothly; it all rang true. The author is a fluent, intelligent writer who crafts his stories well. He leaves the reader thinking and gives a great deal of literary satisfaction. I enjoyed this book very much.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up at a time when I just needed a bit of escapism from the real world and boy, did this book suit that brief!
I got engrossed in it from the word go and really enjoyed the journey it takes you on.
Never before have I loved and hated a main character in equal measures!. I went from wanting him to succeed to wishing he would get some comeuppance. From hoping that he will succeed in a relationship to wishing he would succeed in breaking up others!!!
I was laughing out loud in parts and on the edge of my seat in others just wanting to know what happens.
The scene towards the end of the book in the kitchen (I won't give too much away as don't want to spoil it for anyone) was really powerful and gave understanding as to why this person does what he does.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read and would urge anyone to give it a go. Will definitely look out for more from the author

[Esmeralda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a real page turner. It kept me interested right up to the end and had a few plot twists.
Scott is a relationship assassin. He is paid to seduce women and break up their relationships. Usually he is paid by the woman's boyfriend or husband who is tired of the relationship or wants to avoid paying alimony in a messy divorce. Scott has become a chameleon who is able to become the man of his target's dreams by observing her. But he has developed a set of rules in order to make him able to live with what he does.

The trouble begins when Scott falls for one of his targets. Then Barry, who is supposed to be his agent starts acting more like his boss and brings in another relationship assassin. Then come an especially lucrative assignment, breaking up a Superstar Couple.

In the end Scott has to come to terms with his own identity.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is an enjoyable read and one that stays with you. Initially I rated it quite low (2*) to reflect that it isn't the type of book I would normally pick up and didn't think I enjoyed it very much. I've had to come back to my review because I feel that in spite of trying to emphasise that it was no reflection upon the authors writing style, I did not do the book justice. In spite of the book not keeping me on the edge of my seat (although it did throw a few surprises), I want to know more. Some books are written with a sequel in mind and so spend the first book introducing the characters, this didn't have that feel however a sequel would be great. I would really like to know what happens next....

[Michael Brookes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love the indie book scene. One of its strength is the sheer variety and novelty of the books you come across. I've read some of this author's work before and enjoyed it, but the stories of the Auto series are very different from this longer work.

Except for two key characteristics: Very well written and entertaining.

Yes, this is a fun book to read. The story concerns a man who is for hire for ruining other people's relationships. Not only is it a fun (if nasty) premise, it builds into a good thriller as you try to find out what's going on.

The author writes in a crisp style that makes the story a joy to read, there's surprises along the way that keep you glued to the pages. An unusual read and one I heartily recommend.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

My Review: I really enjoyed this book. You want to not like the main character but you end up not being able to dislike him. I mean how can you like someone who purposely breaks up relationships. Scott or whatever name he is using has morals though. I mean he has a set of rules that make it better. Until he breaks them anyway which leads to a real identity crisis which isn't hard to imagine when he has so many of them. With the help of a new partner all comes out to a good end though. This is a great lighthearted read that goes at a good pace. There were a few editing issues, missing words and such but it didn't detract too much. Cleaned up I would give it a 4 but as it stand I will give it 3.5 stars.

[LadyCalico · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a truly original book with such a unique protagonist! Just think, an author with creative imagination and great writing skills--don't come across that combination very often. Nobody can accuse Mr. Wailing of writing the same old/same old generic storylines with the same old/same old stock characters. Amazing how I could hate the protagonist--what's his name--so much and still love the story. This is one truly great read. I really loved how the author also wove in a convincing backstory to show how the protagonist grew into an adult man with so little identity, personality integration, and sense of self that his cons flowed out of him as naturally as milk from a cow.

[Ken Magee · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me a while to get used to the writing style, but once I did, I stopped noticing it. It just became someone telling me a story... and what a great story. Bang: Memoirs of a Relationship Assassin is a super tale of a bloke and his job, but it's no ordinary job! I laughed out loud on plenty of occasions while at other times I genuinely fretted about what was going on.

If you're not too sensitive and not a prude, you should read it.

David Wailing is a talent... I will be reading more of his books.

[Aunty Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

More than a honey-trap, Scott is a relationship assassin. He operates within strict rules... he only interferes with a relationship within these rules to protect himself and his conscience. He finds himself in hilarious situations, but things start to go wrong.
This book is a well written exploration of identity. All the world may be a 'stage' and we may be 'mere players', but what happens when identities start to clash and world collide?
I loved this book almost as much as 'Fake Kate'.... still loved it though!

[Raquel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! I'd been meaning to get around to this book for a while and am so glad I finally did. It was so thoroughly entertaining.

I really liked that the author tackled some pretty complex themes around self identity among a number of characters. It made it more than just a fun read, it made it quite complex as well.

Characterization was excellent as we're character interactions. Plot: excellent. Good humor as well. The while read felt incredibly alive to me and was wonderfully engaging beginning to end.

Definite Re-Read.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit cheeseballs. It's very chick-lit style and I would say rather creative within that genre. It's from the perspective of a male and he's not a magazine writer so that right there is a big step in diversity. The book is light and entertaining enough. It manages to fold some deeper themes in regarding identity and the various roles we play in the search for our true self. For not being my favorite genre, I'd say it's an okay book.

[Sharon Benham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having read Fake Kate I couldn't wait to buy this title.
It isn't as nail biting as Fake Kate but it is a great read all the same. I hated putting it down and spent most of today reading it so I could find out how it ended.
David Wailing has a great way of developing his characters and you really feel for them.
I will definitely read more from this author.
Highly recommended.

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was so unexpected. I downloaded it for free thinking it would be a light throw-away read when I felt like that sort of thing. But while it started like that - and, in the writing style etc, carried on like that - it developed into so much more as you got to know Scott/John better. A really original, enjoyable read. Will definitely be going back for Fake Kate in the future.

[liirogue · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 1/2 stars. Cheeky British humor and a surprisingly funny storyline. The main character specializes in getting caught with married women, and is usually hired by the husband so he can get a more favorable divorce. Scott gets himself into some pretty funny situations, and also experiences some changes he never anticipated.

[Jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book started off great but then by the middle I had lost some interest. I still wanted to find out what happened in the end so I stuck with it. I didn't like it enough to read his other books though.

[Janell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book.

The emotion and interaction between characters ... so real. Or so fake, given the storyteller. I giggled out loud frequently during this read and I've recommended it to a dozen people already. Loved it. Already miss Scott. Or John. Whatever.

[Sabina D'agliano · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually really liked this book. Characters were fun and the plot line was a lot more intricate than I first expected. The more I think about it... the more I realize how much I'll miss the characters!

[Allen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting plot line, about a relationship assassin. It was difficult for me to highlight errors. I picked up 10, but only if it is not acceptable in Great Britain to leave the verbs out of sentences. Still, a fun read.

[Kristina Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was ok. Took way too long to read. Too many stories going on asst the same time. But I got sucked in enough that I wanted to finish it, so that is positive. Glad it was a free download.

[Alan · Rating 5 out of 5]

He is the kind of guy that you like, but you know that you shouldn't. Great read.

[Robert Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had estimated two chapters before I gave up on the cheesiness. Wrong. Layers upon layers here. Good story :)

[Kristerrn! · Rating 3 out of 5]

HILARIOUS!

[Michele Whitecotton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was funny and clever and told a great story