Dancing Aztecs

by Donald E. Westlake

The hunt is on for a valuable statue in this comic crime thriller from “the funniest man in the world” (The Washington Post).

A small South American republic has decided to capitalize on its national symbol: a prized gold statue of a dancing Aztec priest. The president asks a sculptor to make sixteen copies of it for sale abroad. The sculptor replaces the original with one of his fakes, and ships the real one to New York City for an under-the-table sale to a museum. The statues travel to America spread out among five crates, labeled to ensure that delivery goes as planned. But it doesn’t work. Asked to pick up the crate marked “E” at the airport, delivery man Jerry Manelli, confused by his client’s Spanish accent, takes crate “A” instead. The statue disappears into the city, leading him on a baffling chase, which—if he comes up with the wrong Aztec—could cost him his life.

Genres: Mystery, Humor, Fiction, Crime, Audiobook, Comedy, Mystery Thriller

417 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 1, 1976

About the author

Donald E. Westlake (1933-2008) was one of the most prolific and talented authors of American crime fiction. He began his career in the late 1950's, churning out novels for pulp houses—often writing as many as four novels a year under various pseudonyms such as Richard Stark—but soon began publishing under his own name. His most well-known characters were John Dortmunder, an unlucky thief, and Parker, a ruthless criminal. His writing earned him three Edgar Awards: the 1968 Best Novel award for God Save the Mark; the 1990 Best Short Story award for "Too Many Crooks"; and the 1991 Best Motion Picture Screenplay award for The Grifters. In addition, Westlake also earned a Grand Master Award from the Mystery Writers of America in 1993.

Westlake's cinematic prose and brisk dialogue made his novels attractive to Hollywood, and several motion pictures were made from his books, with stars such as Lee Marvin and Mel Gibson. Westlake wrote several screenplays himself, receiving an Academy Award nomination for his adaptation of The Grifters, Jim Thompson's noir classic.

Some of the pseudonyms he used include
•   Richard Stark
•   Timothy J. Culver
•   Tucker Coe
•   Curt Clark
•   J. Morgan Cunningham
•   Judson Jack Carmichael
•   D.E. Westlake
•   Donald I. Vestlejk
•   Don Westlake

Reviews

[Karl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Donald Westlake wrote this hilarious caper novel about a family that steals luggage at JFK airport for a living. They unknowingly steal a sacred gold idol belonging to a tribe of Aztec Indians that was contained in a suitcase. The artifact then falls into the hands of one of the members of a black activist group.

"Dancing Aztecs" had me laughing out loud. We were spending the weekend with friends in Chicago during a cross country trip. I literally had had to stuff the corner of a blanket into my mouth so that my loud laughing would not wake everyone else in the household.

Other characters in the book are a Wall Street financier go-between and his NJ racketeer partner; an adulterous swimming pool salesman and an estranged harpist.

This book really worked for me.

This copy is signed by Donald Westlake.

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

This crime 'caper' (I hate that word but there really isn't one that does the job quite as well) is superbly written and laugh aloud funny in many places.

I'd've given it 5 stars if it weren't for the fact that I had so much trouble stopping my mind wandering while I was reading it. I honestly don't know why but it was like my mind kept sliding off the story and onto other things. Maybe I was just too preoccupied with other things while I was reading it. Maybe I'm just scatterbrained.

I guess what I'm trying to say is 'it's not you, Mr. Westlake; it's me'.

As I say, though, very funny at times and I'll definitely be reading more Westlake in the future.

[Tracy P. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it.
Narrator Brian Holsopple brings it. Bravo.

[Zora · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although it's hard to pick a favorite Westlake (as I don't want to insult all the other five-star books he wrote), this one is my favorite. I've re-read it five times and I always laugh. There are classic moments, characters, and lines in here: the stoned poet who has been stuck on his epic poem about railroads for over a decade because he can't think of a rhyme for "parallel." The funniest chase scene I've ever read, from the Great Danes names Hamlet and Ophelia to the thug pounding on the headrest to the Fury II, to the economist having an imaginary argument with Keynes to the line "in a coincidence no novelist would every try to get away with, the car was driven by..." I also love the poetry of the intro section, which recurs twice. Everyone in New York wants something. What I want is for Westlake to never have died.

[Tim Hicks · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book just sparkles with the writer's confidence and sheer enjoyment of his work.
The plot is ridiculously complicated and flawlessly worked out.
The humour is low-key, sometimes nearly to the point of invisibility. And all the better for it.
(like speaking of an airplane cabin attendant as being "well over four feet tall")

Yes, there are some parts that remind you this book came out in 1976.
And politically-correct readers should remind themselves that a writer who shows you a politically incorrect character is not automatically PI himself.

This book should be required reading for writing classes. It's a masterpiece.

[Soo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Notes:

Yay for libraries!

I've become a fan of Westlake/Stark after reading the Parker series. If you're in the mood for a satirical heist, this is a good fit. It's not gritty like the Parker series. It is a clash of various threads that center on the Dancing Aztec statue and starry dollar signs. The story is rather flippant and breezy, but there are nuggets of gold in the passing scenery, dialogue exchanges and pointed observations.

[K · Rating 4 out of 5]

Do you like the Marx Brothers? Abbott and Costello? Zany, madcap, silly, rapid-fire scenes that leave you laughing out loud or struggling to remember all the characters involved? Yes? Then have I got a book for you!
Donald Westlake (aka Richard Stark, author of the Parker series) wrote prolifically and created some truly funny and offbeat characters. But with this book, he went all out and penned as quirky and frenetic a story as I've ever read. The plot is simple and should be easy (recover and re-steal a precious, oft replicated statue), but when as many as nineteen uniquely incompetent people throw in together (more or less) to locate and take the one real statue among the 16 fakes, things just get complicated in a hurry. And Westlake knows how to do complicated capers like nobody's business.
The one drawback to the book is that you really do need the "cast of characters" list that he includes at the beginning, and if you're reading on an e-reader, flipping back to the front every few pages just can't easily be done. So read this one in old fashioned book form and keep one finger on that list, at least until you've gotten the names straight.
Aw, what the heck. Even if you get confused, it'll still make you laugh. Enjoy.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little racist at times but since the author poked fun at all the races, including his own it was like racists making fun of each other at the UN, really nobody took them seriously...too much, too fast, too weird and too funny. For those of you who miss the hustle, the dance and the crime this is for you.

This book is hilarious with characters that make this caper a delight to read. New York as a backdrop becomes another character in this motley crew of not ready for prime time criminals.

We need more books like this one and I can think of only a few names, Caimh McDonnell and Westlake’s best friend Lawrence Block come to mind.

[Tony Gleeson · Rating 5 out of 5]

My pick for the funniest novel ever.

[Johnny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some people have mixed feelings about Westlake’s comedies which do not include John Dortmunder. Dancing Aztecs is a more devastating comedic unraveling of a hustle gone wrong than the better known novels. Dancing Aztecs has so many scenes with slapstick elements that it seems written as more of a screenplay than as a novel. That doesn’t mean, of course, that it isn’t full of entertaining writing.

Here are some of my favorite lines or descriptions from the book. Late in the book, Westlake describes a hangover as: “…full of queasiness and trembling and the conviction that somehow one has been disembowled in one’s sleep and a recently dead muskrat has been placed where one’s stomach used to be.” (p. 266). In a different description on the same page, I snickered at: “…a big insincere smile, spreading like a stocking run across his face.” At one point, Westlake describes a dangerous character throughout about two-thirds of a page with lines like: “Where he walks the tombstones grow and where he sits, the sun never shines. …His hands can crumble bricks and his piss cuts through solid steel. …The Queen of England irons his shirts, … When he’s angry bullets melt, and when he smiles trees die.” (p. 128)

I read Dancing Aztecs in the midst of international flights and train rides, holding my interest despite jet lag and other distractions. Nonetheless, it provides plenty of its own distractions and hilarious situations as a cast rivaling that in “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad World” follows a treasure hunt of greed and deception through the perils of a bunch of losers, some loveable, some pitiable, and almost all laughable. For my taste, it was a little over the top, but I’m still glad I read it.

[carol.]

attempted, not in the mood.

[Serena.. Sery-ously? · Rating 4 out of 5]

Westlake era un maledetto genio e pazzo. Non so altrimenti come possa aver scritto un romanzo simile, così articolato, così complesso e così fuori di testa da risultare irreale!!! :D
ADORO Westlake, anche se questo romanzo un po' risente del suo periodo e va molto contestualizzato, perché oggi certe uscite (uomini di colore, gay, divorzi ecc) sono un po' fuoriluogo.. Ma il romanzo è incredibile!

Lei non potè fare a meno di prenderlo in giro. - Oh oh! A parole sei bravo.
- Anche con i fatti. - Jerry le prese di mano il Bloody Mary, lo buttò sull'erba e la tirò a sé. (I romanzieri, quando i loro personaggi guidano la macchina, non si sentono mai costretti a descrivere con esattezza quali sono le loro azioni fisiche per quanto riguarda le mani, i piedi, gli occhi, le ginocchia, i gomiti. Ma molti di questi stessi romanzieri, quando i loro personaggi fanno l'amore, si addentrano in descrizioni fisiche così particolareggiate che si sarebbe portati a pensare che scrivono un testo di ginnastica. Conosciamo tutti la relazione fra la caviglia destra e l'acceleratore, quando guidiamo la macchina, e non abbiamo bisogno che ci venga spiegata. Nel sesso, conosciamo tutto sulle ginocchia, le cosce, le dita, la morbidezza della gola, vieni-che-ti-aiuto, dimmi-che-ti-piace, mf, mf, mf, mf. E e non conoscete queste cose, non dovete leggerli lo stesso, i libri pornografici. Vi danno un'idea sbagliata AHAHAHAHHAAH!!!

[Libby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I do dearly love to laugh. So much of our modern lives can only be categorized as totally non-laughable that any opportunity to even crack a smile is not to be missed. If you feel a need for risability, Donald Westlake is a very good bet. I can't begin to describe all the outlandish plot twists and wacky characters he invents here, but I will testify that I laughed so hard that I tore a surgical drain out of an abdominal wound and kept on laughing hysterically. Improve your laugh factor:kick off your shoes and dance with the Aztecs.

[Ed [Redacted] · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was like the book version of one of those 60's ensemble comedy movies, or Cannonball Run or something like that. I really hate to say this, because I love Westlake and everything he wrote...well, now ALMOST everything he wrote. I just couldn't get into this one. It had plenty of funny parts and is well written throughout. It just didn't work for me. Most everyone else has given this a very good rating so what do I know? Give it a shot if you like such things.

[Stewart Sternberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a fan of Westlake and this is a good one, a chase to find a stolen idol. But... The book is also dated as hell. One may find it misogynistic or racist, but one might also want to use context. Westlake wasn't a racist or a misogynist. He was a man of the fifties and sixties. You know... A boomer.

[Dan'l Danehy-Oakes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many many many moons ago introduced me to this book. I was previously aware of Westlake only as the author of _The Hot Rock_, which I did and do love, both the original novel and the Robert Redford vehicle. So I read it and was immediately convinced that Westlake was a comic genius, and that this was a comic masterpiece.

I approached it this past Saturday with a certain amount of trepidation: what if the Suck Fairy had gotten to it. Fortunately, she mostly hasn't.

The setup is this: in a small South American dictatorship by the name of Descalzo (literally: shoeless), the greatest natural treasure is a golden statue of an Aztec priest, dancing. It has emeralds for eyes. Any museum in the world would love to have it, but it isn't for sale. Jose Caracha, a local artisan, is hired to make authentic replicas in plaster...providing him, with two associates, an opportunity that will change their lives: substitute the real Dancing Aztec for one of the replicas before they are shipped to New York. There, August Corella, an underworld type, will sell it to the (fictional) Museum of the Arts of the Americas for seven figures, most of which will be kept by Corella and _his_ associates, but a small amount (which is huge in Descalzo) will make it back to Caracha and company.

Of course, a problem arises. There are five crates of statues, labeled A through E. A hustler named Jerry Manelli makes the pickup. His contact tells him to get box "Ay", which in the English alphabet is the name of the letter A, but in the Spanish alphabet is the name of E. He makes the pickup, delivers the box, at which point he is told that he's got the wrong box. When he goes back to get the right one, the other four are gone.

By the next afternoon, the statues, including the real one, are given as awards and scattered around the Greater New York Area (including bits of Connecticut and New Jersey), and the hunt is on. Corella and his associates are in it. So is Manelli and a group of _his_ associates. Plus an eavedropping swimming pool salesman. And more.

The situation is one that P.G. Wodehouse would find ripe with possibilities. So does Westlake, who orchestrates his teams of statue-seekers to maximum comic effect, stumbling over each other here, arrriving just too late there, various people turning out to know each other, and general mayhem and misadventure.

In the meanwhile, Caracha and his associates, realizing what will happen to them when the switch is discovered, decide to hijack a plane to New York.

Also in the meanwhile, the various recipients of the Dancing Aztecs are having lives (and problems) of their own.

I did say that the Suck Fairy mostly hadn't got to it.She has in one way: the book is a product of its times,and the characters freely use stereotypes and names that we really don't like today. Perhaps the worst of this is a couple of sections where Westlake takes the point of view of a black Harlem street punk, and writes these sections in dialect. It's effective, but and at the same time it makes me cringe a little. A gay couple are also made the butt of some stereotyping. Again, this is very much the way people in the '70s would have talked and, mostly, behaved, but in 2020 I'm not sanguine about it.

Still, _Dancing Aztecs_ is outrageously funny, moderately suspenseful, with characters (including the street punks and the gay couple) you can appreciate and even like, plus a couple of real scumbags who mostly get what they deserve.

Some of these folks will have a happy ending. But who? Ah, now, that's the question of the day...

[Rodger Payne · Rating 4 out of 5]

The tale told in this book reminded me of films from my childhood -- those wacky movies featuring a dozen or so actors all engaged somehow in a trivial adventure. For example, think of "The Great Race" starring Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis, and Natalie Wood, or perhaps "Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines or How I Flew from London to Paris in 25 Hours 11 Minutes."

In any case, this is a caper story built around a stolen, but lost-in-transport statue (The Dancing Aztec) from a fictional country in Latin America. There are a couple of different criminals who are looking for it and they bring in various other people to help them -- it is solid gold and worth $1 million (in mid-1970s money) so there should be plenty of loot to go around if the quest to find it is successful. It is quickly revealed that the statue was sent in a shipment that included plaster duplicates of the famous artwork and that many of those statues were distributed to members of a silly citizens' group in New York (The Open Sports Committee, dedicated to opening a squash court in Harlem).

Along the way many of the characters have adventures and Westlake tells their stories in a tongue-in-cheek fashion, for the most part. Along the way, he manages to skewer academics, writers' agents, law enforcement, and other targets. It was fun, but also kind of forgettable, just like those silly films of my childhood.

[Daniel Polansky]

Ha! Ha! Boy, I liked this. I think the only other thing I read by Westlake was the Parker thing, which I admit left me a little flat, but this is far better, a blisteringly paced comedy about a cast of dozens chasing a MacGuffin. Actually the plot is fabulously detailed and deftly complex, but really what you're in it for is Westlake's insulting but affectionate take on New York City and its inhabitants, as well as an enormously enjoyable use of language. One feels a certain degree of compulsion, however, to admit that some of the politics of 1976 are not those of the current age, and although Westlake is reasonably even-handed in his abuse of New York's various social milieus, one would have to admit that (as in most things) the darker races get the worst of it. That said he had some Jew jokes in there that cracked me up, so who knows.

[Brett · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful, amazing book. A mid-1970s "Bonfire of the Vanities" disguised as a comic heist caper with a pace that makes "The Front Page" feel like "Mr. Rogers." I'd recommend this book to anybody I'd want to be friends with but even more so if you remember New York in the 1970s, lived outside of Manhattan and had relatives who were "hustlers."

Not that it matters but the Overlook Press version is filled with typos so get another edition if possible.

[Tony Perez-Giese · Rating 2 out of 5]

I laughed for the first time on page 260 of the 300-odd page book, which is not a good sign for a humorous crime novel. There were 20-odd main characters which I could barely keep straight. Probably not the best Westlake book for me to start with. He writes well enough, so perhaps I'll give him another shot.

[James S. · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Westlake's darker stuff; this one was just way too wacky and self-aware for me.

[Ann McReynolds · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read and reread “Dancing Aztecs” whenever the world is too much with me. “Comic caper” is the label reviewers have glued to this quicksilver mind, but Roget’s entire thesaurus under the heading “hilarious “ would convey more accurately the delicious asides, visual double takes, plots, characters and settings that people every scene. Jerry Manielli, a true New Yorker after all, is the likeable cad turned hero, and Bobbi Harwood (like all the women who inhabit Westlake’s worlds) is independent, smart and totally believable.

[Pat Cummings · Rating 5 out of 5]

There was a time when the Hustle was the dance we were doing, when a million dollars was a prize worth scrambling for—even in a city known for its hustle, NYC, that collection of "small towns and neighborhoods," where to daily life, "the fact of Manhattan upthrust on the horizon meant nothing."

In typical Westlake style, this story begins with a con game, building a cast of idiosyncratic characters, acting in their own self-interest, in expectable, even stereotypical ways. Their dance with each other creates a chaotic, unimaginably complex tangle of events and motivations, with a truly unexpected finale.

First, though, Westlake takes the entire first chapter of this book to list all the things people want in New York. A few that stood out to me:

The Parks Department is looking for trees to cut down and turn into firewood for local politicians. Residents of the neighborhood are looking for politicians who will stop the Parks Department from cutting down all those trees. Fat chance...

People at the top of the Guggenheim Museum want to get to the bottom. So do ass-pinchers, river-dredgers, and investigative reporters...

Blacks want to be equal. Women want to be equal. Puerto Ricans want to be equal without having to learn a new language...

Yes, the novel and its language are decidedly not PC. Keep the story's venue and era in mind as you read; the term "political correctness" was not yet even a twinkle in Richard Bernstein's eye. Characters are described using pre-PC stereotypes, in a way that would surely trigger sensitivities in the current social climate. Yet it works, the same way those stereotypes worked in the insanely funny 1963 movie It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.

The scramble for riches, with an ever-widening crew of obsessed participants, reminds me of that movie as well. The big difference, of course, is that Mad, Mad World is about "kind, decent folks turning into law-breaking lunatics and ruining their lives for the sake of money." In Dancing Aztecs, folks come into the story already at that highly-cynical level, and proceed on the same lines throughout, albeit at an increasingly intense pace and focus. In both book and movie, the result is wonderfully hilarious.

None of the English covers provided a good visual for the statuette that is the eponymic center of the story. I had to go hunting. I found the best on the cover of La danza degli Aztechi in the Italian mystery-translation series, Il Giallo Mondadori. It gives a good sense of the figurine's lack of beauty, if not its leg-up dancing pose or its crystalline eyes.

Every time I have picked up a Westlake novel, it's been the result of "outside forces": a clever review, a friend handing me the book with a "you must read this" comment, or a coincidental lack of other reading material at an idle moment. (For Dancing Aztecs, it was a Want to Read note from one Goodreads friend and a review from another.) And I've never not enjoyed the thing excessively. So I don't quite know why I never collected the author's work as I have others whose writing I enjoyed.

That is about to change. Because epic wild rides like this don't come along too often, but even if you miss them when they're new, you can always climb on once they come around again.

And if ever this mad world and I needed such a diversion, it is surely now.

[Mark Schlatter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I probably first read this in my teens (so over three decades ago) and remembered it as a hilarious read. Having dipped into Westlake more recently with his Parker books, I thought I would give this another go.

Speaking from the viewpoint of the early twenty-first century, Westlake's depictions of African Americans and the LBGT community are problematic. He's not completely stereotypical (as our cast includes a wide variety of black characters), but he uses language, dialect, and characteristics that I was uncomfortable with. Note that the same is often true of the Parker books, but since I consider Parker to be a mean SOB, it seems more in character than in a more mainstream caper novel like this one.

All that being said, the novel is a tour de force of comic timing. You have one precious statue (the Dancing Aztec Priest) smuggled into the US with a bunch of copies. All the artifacts are divided up among sixteen characters, who are then pursued by (1) the bad guys who orchestrated the original smuggling, (2) the minor league bad guys who were contracted for part of the delivery, and (3) a pool repairman and part-time philanderer who overheard the minor league bad guys. It's complex and wacky and probably the closest thing I've seen to a prose version of It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World. The action lets up a little too much near the end, but the humor does not, and there's a chase or two in the middle that had me hitting the table with laughter. Recommended if you like heist novels (with romance included) and can deal with the characterization.

[Jarkko Vikberg · Rating 1 out of 5]

Loved Westlake's heist stories when growing up, and decided to freshen up memories to cheer up this covid lockdown summer. Boy, was I in for a crude awake how time has passed in last 40 years...

I still appreciate Westlake's talent in describing surroundings and little details, but this book felt... too self aware? Felt that I could only take so many times sentences, that try to set a record in "how many times can you describe the same thing, but with different words?"

Book is written in 70's, and it shows. It feels like watching old Bond movies. Suddenly you see something, that was "funny" and "cool" when you were teen ages ago, what it really is. Misogynic/rapey, racist & one dimensional.

Also some 20+ main characters was a chore to follow and remember who is who.

Most of the time I felt the same, when I get exited when I find out that some old 70's -80's comedy summerhit appears in tv/stream, force my kids to watch it with me, ("since it is best ever, you will love it!"), and then get a reminder what an inconsiderate douchebag I must have been as a teenager.

Definately not my favourite Westlake and now I'm afraid to go back to my other old favourites..

[Roz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Crime and comedy make a great combination in the very clever hands of Donald E. Westlake. His books are from an earlier time and definitely are NOT politically correct for today (maybe never were). He uses words that are not acceptable in polite society today and nobody seemed to worry about sexually transmitted diseases or AIDS. It is so clear that his characters are clueless about everything.
If you like books about people (truly CHARACTERS) making one bad decision after another you will love his writing. All his CHARACTERS are based in NYC area. The descriptions of the city and people might not match with the city today but I don't live there and New Yorkers of today might find it even more amusing.

I have read all of his books, some more than once. I am not sure this my favorite but you need to start somewhere if you are going to give him a try. The Dortmunder crime caper series might be the best.

He also wrote true dark crime stories under the name Richard Stark.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes, its dated. There are characters in polyester leisure suits. There are episodes of free love, and performances of the hustle. It was written in the 70's, so presumably it was tres chic at the time of its initial publishing. Disreguard all that. Doesn't matter.
This thing might just be one of the best comic caper books of all time, and for my money Westlake has made the list twice. Read it.
Then go find 'What's the worst that could happen' and read that too. Trust me on this.

[Colleen Freiman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Donald Westlake books. His writing is sublime, his humor is unmatchable and his plots are SO clever. This book exhibits all these qualities. Plus, I really needed to read a book that would take me away from reality, make me laugh and be beautifully written and plotted. We can’t miss with the brilliant Donald W.

[Marilyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wicked funny. An excellent beach or cold winter night read. I was reading this on the Framingham commuter train many years ago. I had to put it down because I was laughing so much I was embarrassed. Commuters don't go for so much noise during their ride home from work!

[Scott Schneider · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you liked It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, you will love this book. It's basically the same scam. Lots of crazy people looking for a treasure, but with no "Big W". It was well written and very New York centric. A fun read, but nothing substantial. Donald Westlake at his silliest.