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Releasing the Mother Load: How to Carry Less and Enjoy Motherhood More
From a maternal mental health specialist, an empowering guide to easing cognitive labor and unlearning intensive mothering expectation
Mothers today are tired, overworked, and overwhelmed. Moms desperately want to feel like they are succeeding, but the impractical standards placed on them leave them feeling burned out and frustrated. Releasing the Mother Load is an experiential guidebook that provides moms the support they need, free from judgment, fear, and shame.
Based on the teachings in her Momwell community, Erica Djossa unpacks the dimensions of cognitive labor―the invisible care work that exists within tasks like soothing babies, navigating tantrums, keeping track of where everything is in the house, and planning for appointments. She invites us to break free from societal conditioning that demands we do it all, and step into a new way of thinking that relieves the weight of unrealistic motherhood expectations and allows us to say no, take on less, and enjoy life more.
“In our search for perfection, we hold ourselves up to impossible standards,” says Djossa. “And when we inevitably fall short of those, we feel like failures. The key is in letting go of what we think we should be and embracing our value as a mom.” It is here that we embark on a journey not toward perfection but toward mental wellness.
Mothers today are tired, overworked, and overwhelmed. Moms desperately want to feel like they are succeeding, but the impractical standards placed on them leave them feeling burned out and frustrated. Releasing the Mother Load is an experiential guidebook that provides moms the support they need, free from judgment, fear, and shame.
Based on the teachings in her Momwell community, Erica Djossa unpacks the dimensions of cognitive labor―the invisible care work that exists within tasks like soothing babies, navigating tantrums, keeping track of where everything is in the house, and planning for appointments. She invites us to break free from societal conditioning that demands we do it all, and step into a new way of thinking that relieves the weight of unrealistic motherhood expectations and allows us to say no, take on less, and enjoy life more.
“In our search for perfection, we hold ourselves up to impossible standards,” says Djossa. “And when we inevitably fall short of those, we feel like failures. The key is in letting go of what we think we should be and embracing our value as a mom.” It is here that we embark on a journey not toward perfection but toward mental wellness.
328 pages, Hardcover
Published April 9, 2024
134 people are currently reading
1584 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
August 20, 2024
Like many women, I struggle with motherhood and am constantly looking for ways to enjoy my experience more. Releasing the Mother Load seeks to identify all the invisible labour involved in motherhood and help you share it with your partner/support people or just drop what isn’t important.
I did get something out of this book as it does help you realize just how much moms do; however, I do feel it was less beneficial to me as I have an absolutely amazing partner who takes on much of the load. It also helped me realize that most of what I’m struggling with is due to neurodivergence and societal expectations, so identifying and learning to manage those aspects has been eye-opening.
I think men (or non-primary caregivers) more than women (or primary caregivers) would benefit from reading this book, to identify just how much of the load is not on them. It also pairs well with Fair Play by Eve Rodsky.
I did get something out of this book as it does help you realize just how much moms do; however, I do feel it was less beneficial to me as I have an absolutely amazing partner who takes on much of the load. It also helped me realize that most of what I’m struggling with is due to neurodivergence and societal expectations, so identifying and learning to manage those aspects has been eye-opening.
I think men (or non-primary caregivers) more than women (or primary caregivers) would benefit from reading this book, to identify just how much of the load is not on them. It also pairs well with Fair Play by Eve Rodsky.
July 15, 2025
Probably a 3 star, but the timing for this in my life was impeccable and I learned a lot.
This is the mental load of mothering explained. I’ve previously read up and experienced that realization, so the listing of and describing of all that goes into mothering was not groundbreaking or particular interesting. I’m not sure I feel too hopeful about that load ever being divided up in our household 🤷♀️.
What was somehow revolutionary to me was the idea that a lot of my stress is because I’m mothering the way I think I SHOULD (based on comparisons and unrealistic standards placed by society) rather than the way I WANT. And feeling like I’m failing or doing it wrong when I don’t do it the way others do. She talks a lot about what values we hold at different times, and how we should be true to those values as we navigate motherhood.
A big example of this for me is travel. I see and hear many moms working hard to make travel a big part of their family, because it aligns with their values. For me, travel feels like a lot more work and money than I want to currently give it, but I often feel like I’m mothering “wrong” or “failing” my kids by not priotizing big, international trips. These feelings are based in an “I should be” rather than an “I want to” mentality. When I realized that, it changed my whole perspective of how I am mothering, releasing a huge burden. All values are equal, so me wanting to save money right now isn’t better or worse than wanting to travel. And when a trip comes up that I WANT to do, we’ll do it.
It should be obvious but wasn’t for me. If I mother the way I want to it’ll be a better experience. 🤯
This is the mental load of mothering explained. I’ve previously read up and experienced that realization, so the listing of and describing of all that goes into mothering was not groundbreaking or particular interesting. I’m not sure I feel too hopeful about that load ever being divided up in our household 🤷♀️.
What was somehow revolutionary to me was the idea that a lot of my stress is because I’m mothering the way I think I SHOULD (based on comparisons and unrealistic standards placed by society) rather than the way I WANT. And feeling like I’m failing or doing it wrong when I don’t do it the way others do. She talks a lot about what values we hold at different times, and how we should be true to those values as we navigate motherhood.
A big example of this for me is travel. I see and hear many moms working hard to make travel a big part of their family, because it aligns with their values. For me, travel feels like a lot more work and money than I want to currently give it, but I often feel like I’m mothering “wrong” or “failing” my kids by not priotizing big, international trips. These feelings are based in an “I should be” rather than an “I want to” mentality. When I realized that, it changed my whole perspective of how I am mothering, releasing a huge burden. All values are equal, so me wanting to save money right now isn’t better or worse than wanting to travel. And when a trip comes up that I WANT to do, we’ll do it.
It should be obvious but wasn’t for me. If I mother the way I want to it’ll be a better experience. 🤯
June 10, 2025
I really enjoyed this book. It really makes you focus in your own values and what you want from motherhood, and radical self-acceptance.
August 27, 2024
“You are not being too sensitive, you are not being overdramatic, you are not overreacting, you are not failing: Motherhood as a social construct is failing YOU.
You deserve time to become not just the mother, but the person you want to be. “
This should be giving to every new moms when leaving the hospital with their baby!!!
You deserve time to become not just the mother, but the person you want to be. “
This should be giving to every new moms when leaving the hospital with their baby!!!
May 25, 2024
I truly loved reading the ARC for Releasing The Mother Load, and am planning on buying a physical copy to loan to whomever may benefit from it!
I got so many wonderful nuggets of wisdom from this book. If I would’ve read this as a brand new, first time mom I would have saved myself a lot of struggle and self-deprecation. Recognizing the often invisible labor that we do as mothers is truly revolutionary for reshaping the way we view our roles.
The defining of intensive mothering was so impactful for me, because I was finally able to make the connection that this is the belief I have held for my own motherhood journey. The author defines this as “the belief that motherhood must take everything we have, that we must focus on our children’s needs above our own, that our identities should be consumed by motherhood, that motherhood should fulfill us completely, and that only when we do those things can we become good mothers.”
I loved the way that the author reframed many common assumptions that we may make about our role in our homes and in our children’s lives.
I highlighted sooo many quotes throughout this book! Including some of my favorites below:
“If we want to release the Mother Load, we must conquer the idea that our worth as moms is measured in blood, sweat, and tears.”
“We think that our labor proves to our children that we love them, that we want everything for them. In reality, all it does is deplete us to the point where we can’t give them a true, fulfilled version of ourselves.”
“Motherhood is our most cherished and important role; it makes sense that we want a measuring stick that helps us evaluate how we are doing. But when this measuring stick is oriented to the wrong things — to perfectionist standards, to unrealistic expectations that society has set — whenever we look to it, we feel like we are failing or coming up short. It’s time to stop blaming ourselves and change the measuring stick.”
This was undoubtedly a 5-star read for me, and I’ll be recommending it to everyone who has found themselves in the throes of trying to balance motherhood, their personal identity, and their self-worth.
I got so many wonderful nuggets of wisdom from this book. If I would’ve read this as a brand new, first time mom I would have saved myself a lot of struggle and self-deprecation. Recognizing the often invisible labor that we do as mothers is truly revolutionary for reshaping the way we view our roles.
The defining of intensive mothering was so impactful for me, because I was finally able to make the connection that this is the belief I have held for my own motherhood journey. The author defines this as “the belief that motherhood must take everything we have, that we must focus on our children’s needs above our own, that our identities should be consumed by motherhood, that motherhood should fulfill us completely, and that only when we do those things can we become good mothers.”
I loved the way that the author reframed many common assumptions that we may make about our role in our homes and in our children’s lives.
I highlighted sooo many quotes throughout this book! Including some of my favorites below:
“If we want to release the Mother Load, we must conquer the idea that our worth as moms is measured in blood, sweat, and tears.”
“We think that our labor proves to our children that we love them, that we want everything for them. In reality, all it does is deplete us to the point where we can’t give them a true, fulfilled version of ourselves.”
“Motherhood is our most cherished and important role; it makes sense that we want a measuring stick that helps us evaluate how we are doing. But when this measuring stick is oriented to the wrong things — to perfectionist standards, to unrealistic expectations that society has set — whenever we look to it, we feel like we are failing or coming up short. It’s time to stop blaming ourselves and change the measuring stick.”
This was undoubtedly a 5-star read for me, and I’ll be recommending it to everyone who has found themselves in the throes of trying to balance motherhood, their personal identity, and their self-worth.
February 20, 2025
Another book that insightfully identifies the problem but does not really offer concrete solutions to solve it. I am not someone who really struggles with “intensive mothering” in most arenas - I have made a conscious decision to not do many things a “Pinterest-worthy mom” would do because I don’t care about them. Where are the books with concrete, practical solutions? I don’t need help releasing expectations (my expectations are already in the gutter), I need help with being overwhelmed remembering all the things I have to do at home. This isn’t so much a specific critique of this book as it is a critique of this genre and the books that are in conversation with this one - where are the practical tools, tips, and tricks for neurodivergent moms who are drowning under the 10000 things they have to remember?
March 9, 2024
Thank you NetGalley for this ARC.
I follow the author on Instagram and really enjoy her content so I was eager to read her book. I am familiar with the concepts around the mental load and the "second shift" of motherhood, and I really appreciated how her book was organized. She breaks down her concept of the mother load - all of the mental labor involved being a caretaker, keeper of the house, magic and memory maker, etc. She also creates exercises for readers to help them determine their values, and describes how our own personal values should dictate our choices around parenting.
I did find at times that the book became a little repetitive, and the author references her own podcast continually which became tiresome.
However, as a mother of a teen and tween, I wish I would have had this book when my kids were babies. But I probably wouldn't have had time to read it. Perhaps this should be on every parent-to-be's reading list.
I follow the author on Instagram and really enjoy her content so I was eager to read her book. I am familiar with the concepts around the mental load and the "second shift" of motherhood, and I really appreciated how her book was organized. She breaks down her concept of the mother load - all of the mental labor involved being a caretaker, keeper of the house, magic and memory maker, etc. She also creates exercises for readers to help them determine their values, and describes how our own personal values should dictate our choices around parenting.
I did find at times that the book became a little repetitive, and the author references her own podcast continually which became tiresome.
However, as a mother of a teen and tween, I wish I would have had this book when my kids were babies. But I probably wouldn't have had time to read it. Perhaps this should be on every parent-to-be's reading list.
December 4, 2023
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the ARC!
I’ve read similar variations of this topic, but this book completely nailed it. Often times when we think of a task, it can either be step wise or big picture. Regardless, there’s a lot of planning and motivation that goes into household management. This is an important and validating book for mothers and the societally influenced load they have to carry. (Both perceived and actual load). I appreciated this book though the topic was not new to me.
I’ve read similar variations of this topic, but this book completely nailed it. Often times when we think of a task, it can either be step wise or big picture. Regardless, there’s a lot of planning and motivation that goes into household management. This is an important and validating book for mothers and the societally influenced load they have to carry. (Both perceived and actual load). I appreciated this book though the topic was not new to me.
April 24, 2024
I feel very lucky I won this book as a Goodreads Giveaway. I was able to read it as I was nearing my son’s first birthday. I cried a lot. I highlighted passages like crazy. It made me feel understood after nearly a year of not understanding myself.
I would recommend anyone who is mothering to read this book.
I would recommend anyone who is mothering to read this book.
December 19, 2024
At first I thought it was the dullest book I’ve ever read! Then the magic happened and I felt so seen by this book! The load moms carry daily broken down into bite size pieces and I felt validated like never before.
November 28, 2024
4.5/5. The final sentences of the book summarizes it perfectly: “You deserve to take up space. You deserve to have your needs met. You deserve to have an identity outside of being a mother. You deserve to be seen, recognized and validated. You deserve leisure time. To breathe. And to just be. You deserve time to create. You deserve time to become not just the mother but the person you want to be”. I’ve followed Erica on ig for years and love her account. She really validates the highs and lows of the motherhood experience. And explores the mental health aspect of being a mother really well. And this book read just like her ig account and her podcast. In this book, she talks all about how many moms want to be a good parent—to be the societally defined “perfect mom”. But often find themselves burned out and overwhelmed by allllll the things that entails. And then the guide breaks down the ways in which you can overcome the burden of the high and unrealistic expectations and find more joy in motherhood. I liked all of the discussion around the invisible load of motherhood—it was very validating to have all the things many moms do laid out so distinctly. And Erica reframed so many of the common assumptions about motherhood in a clear way and that showed how to find balance as you challenge expectations and the load you carry. My one and only complaint is that parts of the book felt repetitive. But I think any mom feeling burned out would benefit from reading this.
April 8, 2024
Moms all know the weight of the invisible load... That feeling like we're drowning, always having more to do or plan or remember, the sense of failure when we can't keep up, the pressure to be the one that KNOWS everything. It's beyond exhausting.
In the last few years, we have been talking more about it, but haven't really been given the tools to tackle the real root of the problem. That's where this book comes in. It takes a look at the real why... The social reasons moms fall into these patterns without realizing it. And until we work on those beliefs and expectations, everything else--chore charts, lists, even just talking about the mental load--is just a bandaid.
This book actually tackles it all. It gives you quick solutions to reduce the load, conversation starters and tips for communicating, taking ownership, and sharing labor, and the deep work that creates real change! It's a game changer for moms who feel like they have to do it all.
In the last few years, we have been talking more about it, but haven't really been given the tools to tackle the real root of the problem. That's where this book comes in. It takes a look at the real why... The social reasons moms fall into these patterns without realizing it. And until we work on those beliefs and expectations, everything else--chore charts, lists, even just talking about the mental load--is just a bandaid.
This book actually tackles it all. It gives you quick solutions to reduce the load, conversation starters and tips for communicating, taking ownership, and sharing labor, and the deep work that creates real change! It's a game changer for moms who feel like they have to do it all.
September 19, 2024
3.9/5 stars. This is a tough one to rate because it's honestly a really good book, but at the same time I skimmed it like crazy, and even with all the guidance on what assumptions to drop and skills to combat those assumptions, I still didn't quite understand how to get from point A to point B. It was definitely evident as I read the book that I have a fairly involved partner though, shoutout to my husband! More than anything else it became obvious that I don't prioritize myself, so at the very least I'm getting some direction on the best place to focus my efforts.
March 28, 2024
3.5. Thank you NetGalley for this ARC - I struggle with how exactly to rate this book as I am coming strictly from a counseling perspective as I have not experienced motherhood. I did find parts of it to be repetitive but I do understand that it probably helps with the breakdown of each topic. I noticed the ACT centered approach taken and I appreciate the activities in the book and questions that moms can ask themselves when reflecting on certain beliefs :)
May 20, 2024
Parts of the book were repetitive, but other parts were very helpful. I especially appreciated the sections about unhelpful beliefs/assumptions and possible reframes. Other books on similar topics seem to encourage offloading/delegating tasks to others, so I liked that this one was different and focused on addressing core beliefs contributing to the Mother Load. I will definitely recommend to my therapy clients and friends.
October 4, 2024
This book made me feel incredibly seen. Little did I know when I decided to become a mom that it would mean I would be taking on an incredible amount of emotional and mental labour. I didn’t realize a lot this labour would simply default to me because I’m a woman. This book made me take a good look at myself, my values and mindset and gave me a brand new perspective. Would highly recommend for anyone looking for tools to release the overwhelm of motherhood.
April 1, 2025
The book EVERY first-time mom needs to read! This entire book was such an important permission slip, especially for perfectionists. It was a beautiful reminder that you don't have to do it all to be a great parent. Even though a lot of the advice pertains to motherhood in the baby stage, I will still be taking so many of these tips into toddler-parenting
Thank you so much to Erica Djossa and Sounds True Publishing for the free e-pub in exchange for my honest review
Thank you so much to Erica Djossa and Sounds True Publishing for the free e-pub in exchange for my honest review
October 9, 2025
4.5 stars! Will recommend to any mother or mother to be. Very eye opening and makes you think. Honestly, wish I had a physical copy and will be ordering one for myself. Loved the parts on neurodivergence since I was also diagnosed later in life. Will be using some of the advice to advocate for myself and spot where I can improve with caring for myself and not just my family.
April 21, 2024
I love books that educate me and make me a better person. As a mother sometimes I do get overwhelmed or feel like I am overdoing things. This book was a great peace of mind and will be a consistent read for me! I highly recommend it!
June 25, 2024
3.5. ⭐️ a bit repetitive and geared toward new mothers and mothers of littles (not mothers of teens). In the audiobook every sentence ended with an inflection that made it sound like a question, and halfway through it was distracting and detracting from the information.
November 8, 2024
“Let go of perfection”. Similar to other reviews, I felt at times it was repetitive and geared to moms with a newborn. Overall relatable and validating that I’m not alone in often feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by the invisible load of motherhood.
July 12, 2025
This book had some helpful tidbits. It was a nice complication of information out there. I think it would be most helpful for the non-mental load carrying partner to read. The conclusion was the best part!
May 28, 2024
Super insightful! I’ve been following Erica on social media since becoming a mother and I’m a big fan. She helped me feel so understood and seen.
July 8, 2024
Exactly what a new mom needs to read/hear.
Highly recommend to all women who understand that mothering is hard.
Highly recommend to all women who understand that mothering is hard.
July 28, 2024
This book has been so validating. I’ve been struggling for some time and reading her words, that I’m not the only one with these feelings made so much sense.
September 15, 2024
I had so many aha moments while reading this book. I would recommend it to any parent who feels like they simply can't get everything done. This book adds new perspective.
October 4, 2024
I enjoy the podcast and there was a lot in the book that was super relateable but I didn't find the "solution" in this book. Where was it??
December 30, 2024
A bit repetitive. Definitely geared more towards moms of newborns. Nothing surprising, but validating nonetheless.
May 31, 2025
Highly recommend for any mom. Very validating, helpful.
February 16, 2025
I was expecting more, or something different. I don't know. I enjoy the author's content on social media, but I just felt like I already knew most of the content of the book. Yay me! I think it is great that this kind of materials are written for new/younger moms, though.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews