What Doesn't Kill Us: My Battle with Anxiety

by L.A. Nicholson

When I was 38, my charmed life began to unravel. By 41, I had developed Generalized Anxiety Disorder. At 44, I was hospitalized for seven weeks following a catastrophic suicide attempt. This non-fiction book begins on the Saturday morning I received the call that ever after divided time for the news of my mother's accidental death. It describes the additional hardships – infertility, layoffs, a cross-country move, divorce – that led to the day I took a razor blade to my throat. It follows my journey from Atlanta to Athens, Georgia; central Oregon; and finally back to my roots in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina, as well as my emotional journey from happily married stay-at-home mom to divorced secretary and single parent. Most importantly, it chronicles my battle with an insidious mental illness, my experiences in two psychiatric wards, and how I fought my way back to health. During this six-year journey, I learned a great deal about the nature of mental disorders and the availability of effective treatment. I became certified as an “In Our Own Voice” presenter for the National Alliance on Mental Illness, so I can do my part to raise public understanding of why we must stop drawing a distinction between “mental” and “physical” health. The body functions as a whole. The U.S. Surgeon General estimates that one in five Americans suffers from a mental illness in any given year -- everyone knows someone. I know the despair of hitting bottom, and I know the absolute necessity of hope. This book is about both. View the trailer

252 pages, Paperback

First published August 18, 2011

About the author

L.A. Nicholson grew up in North Carolina, where she received a bachelor's degree in biology from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

A journal writer since the age of fourteen, L.A. first wrote professionally when she was employed as a public relations manager in Atlanta. There she appeared frequently on network affiliate television and radio, and her articles ran in local and regional publications.

L.A. continued to write on a freelance basis after leaving her job to stay home with her son, whom she adopted from Russia in 1998. Her articles were published in Carolina Gardener, the Georgia Journal of Science, and Atlanta Magazine, among others.

After recovering from a devastating battle with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, L.A. became certified as an “In Our Own Voice” presenter for the National Alliance on Mental Illness and began speaking to a variety of audiences. Feeling compelled to share her story with more people than she could reach with local presentations, L.A. spent three years writing a book on her personal journey through mental illness and her experience in the mental health care system.

With What Doesn’t Kill Us: My Battle with Anxiety, she hopes to prevent at least one person from attempting suicide.

The trailer can be see at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeFDkk...

L.A. featured on the Anxiety Disorders Association of America at:
http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxie...

Reviews

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

By chance, I met the author and heard the story firsthand. Compelled to read her courageous battle with anxiety, I sat down to read the book and finished it in one day. Having gone through what she had, her writing reflects an honest, intelligent, and remarkably funny woman. Never does she ask for pity or hide her despondency, instead, she relies upon her candor and quick wit to lead the reader into her beautifully woven tale of suffering. It sounds much like an oxymoron, but as I read, I was astounded at how well the book was written while detailing a horrific act of self-destruction. Her pain and suffering were palpable; the reader is inside her heart and mind at a moment of great despair. You may want to look away from the page, but LA handles the "scene" deftly and without being overly dramatic. It is pure, raw emotion translated into sensible words. Which really describes the entire book. LA's tenacity and climb out of the darkness is admirable. Her insight and understanding into a topic that many wish to sweep under the rug is bold and daring. You can't help but feel as though you've taken this journey with her. It is such an important story, one that must be shared with the millions of people worldwide afflicted with anxiety and/or depression. I am in awe of LA's ability to translate this experience into an opportunity to save others from this broken path. Finally, I'm honored to have met her and witness firsthand the full, happy life she is living today. What a message to send to the world. She can and is making a difference.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book, "What Doesn't Kill Us" tells the story of a woman whose severe anxiety was triggered by extreme stress. This is a good book to read to understand how destructive anxiety can be. I personally did not understand anxiety very well before reading this book and did not realize that it alone could be so overwhelming that it could lead to suicide. This book, while dealing with a serious matter has a great deal of humor in it, which is refreshing. It is full of self-reflection and the thought processes that she went through. It shows the power of support - from family, friends, and professionals and how each of these has a unique and important role in recovery. This book strongly focuses on recovery rather than victimization by mental illness. She is honest in that she was given a raw deal at times after her attempts, but ultimately prevails in always working towards recovery. Recovery is an important message to get out there, and the ups and downs of recovery are acknowledged, making the idea of true recovery more realistic. This book is holistic and gives you a wide view of the author's life. She is open in a way that normalizes mental illness and makes you want to be open and accepting about the issue.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for a class as part of a project on Generalized Anxiety Disorder and am glad this is the memoir I ended up reading. What an incredible story! What's even more incredible is L.A. Nicholson's honesty and bravery in sharing such a personal and traumatic story. Her story is helping me better understand this mental illness, and I hope stays with me as I move closer toward becoming a mental health professional who very well may come across individuals struggling with anxiety, depression, and suicide. This book is full of moments that are happy, sad, scary, frustrating, and shocking but in a way that can only lead one to having a better idea of what Nicholson went through and what others may be experiencing as well. It ends with hope and promise of a brighter future, as well as my own personal conviction of being a therapist who is encouraging and kind and able to offer such hope and promise perhaps to my own clients one day.

[Ciara Power · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tear jerking and yet left me hopeful

When i started reading i felt i couldnt relate to this story much. The author suffered a terrible tragedy that would be the catalyst for her future suicide attempts. However, having suffered major anxiety and depression i started to empathise with her alot in regards to her fear or becoming addicted to meds but not dying from overdosing on them. So much of this resonated with me! I felt hopeful at the end that no matter how desperate and anxious you are , there is always hope!

This book should be read by anyone suffering and feeling suicidal.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I admire L.A. Nicholson for surviving her challenges and sharing her story. Her writing style is simple and clear. It was hard to read about her suicide attempts, but I admire her honesty.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absorbing and well-written account of one woman's struggle to defeat her demons. At times funny, at times frightening, always inspiring!

[SookandBooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read this memoir a few times. L. A. Nicholson’s descriptions of her thought process at the time are very relatable, which makes for an odd mix of concerning and comforting. Every journey through mental illness os different, and there are experiences and opinions I don’t relate to/agree with but it is still well worth the read for anyone who finds comfort in reading memoirs of this nature for the sheer fact that you know you’re not alone.

⚠️TW/CW

Not to discourage anyone from reading but the subject matter can be very triggering. Includes detailed descriptions of Anxiety/depression along with:
- severe self harm
- attempted suicide
- hospitalization and medical trauma