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(Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant) [By: Jean M. Twenge] [Aug, 2013]
Comforting and intimate, this “girlfriend” guide to getting pregnant gets to the heart of all the emotional issues around having children—biological pressure, in-law pressures, greater social pressures—to support women who are considering getting pregnant.The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant is a complete guide to getting pregnant—the medical, psychological, social, and sexual aspects, told in a straight-forward, funny, and compassionate manner, like talking to a good friend who’s been through it all. Jean Twenge covers everything you'll be wondering about and advises what you can do at home, before getting a doctor involved.Twenge explains how to prepare mentally and physically when thinking about having a child, how to talk about it with family, friends, and your partner, how to know when you’re ovulating, and when best to have sex, how to tilt the odds toward having a boy or a girl, how to handle the great sadness of a miscarriage, and what to do when you do get pregnant.Trying to conceive often involves an enormous amount of emotion, from anxiety and utter disappointment to hope and joy. With comfort, humor, and straightforward advice, The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant is the bedside companion to help you through it.
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First published April 17, 2012
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About the author
Jean M. Twenge
22 books304 followersDr. Twenge frequently gives talks and seminars on teaching and working with today’s young generation based on a dataset of 11 million young people. Her audiences have included college faculty and staff, high school teachers, military personnel, camp directors, and corporate executives. Her research has been covered in Time, Newsweek, The New York Times, USA Today, U.S. News and World Report, and The Washington Post, and she has been featured on Today, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Fox and Friends, NBC Nightly News, Dateline NBC, and National Public Radio.
She holds a BA and MA from the University of Chicago and a Ph.D. from the University of Michigan. She lives in San Diego with her husband and three daughters.
She holds a BA and MA from the University of Chicago and a Ph.D. from the University of Michigan. She lives in San Diego with her husband and three daughters.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 158 reviews
November 14, 2015
The biggest thing I learned from this book is that I am not nearly as "impatient" as I thought I was when I started the book. I never really got behind the "girlfriend" casual language and agree that it's written from a very specific mindset in which it's super funny to treat dudes as macho bumbling idiots who are never going to agree with you.
But, it's super short, covers the basics and I learned some new things (admittedly mostly old wives tales that I can remember but still). It gave me questions to ask my doctor at my regular annual visit, led me to realize my vaccines weren't up to date, etc.
Can't say I would really recommend- if you are actually interested in the science of getting pregnant/women's bodies in general, pick up TCOYF.
But, it's super short, covers the basics and I learned some new things (admittedly mostly old wives tales that I can remember but still). It gave me questions to ask my doctor at my regular annual visit, led me to realize my vaccines weren't up to date, etc.
Can't say I would really recommend- if you are actually interested in the science of getting pregnant/women's bodies in general, pick up TCOYF.
May 13, 2013
Don't let the sarcasm in the title put you off. This book is an excellent guide for any woman dissatisfied with the standard ob-gyn advice to getting pregnant: stop taking birth control, start taking a prenatal vitamin, and don't worry until after an entire year of trying. Most don't even recommend charting to try to determine a woman's fertility window.
This book is also a fabulous resource for up-to-date research, and the citations for all the scientific studies discussed are listed on pages 205 – 216. The greatest thing the author does is myth bust. All of the women who delayed childbearing until their 30’s – not arbitrarily as the media seems to imply but due to education, career, not having found a suitable partner, student loan debt, financial instability, etc. . . – will be reassured to learn that the frightening statistics about their low chances of conceiving naturally (20% per cycle for 30 year-olds and 5% per cycle for 40 year-olds) are from church birth records in rural France from between 1670 to 1830. Current scientific research puts a woman’s chance of conceiving much higher especially if she is able to time things for the two days before and the day of ovulation. (See pages 31 – 32 and 102 – 105 for more details.)
The most helpful sections of the book teach the basics of charting one’s cycles and how to determine the one’s prime fertility window. The author describes the most common methods and their advantages and disadvantages.
This is the most helpful preconception books I have read, and the euphemisms in it are priceless.
For the really impatient woman, the entire book is summarized in two pages in Appendix A (pages 183 – 184).
This book is also a fabulous resource for up-to-date research, and the citations for all the scientific studies discussed are listed on pages 205 – 216. The greatest thing the author does is myth bust. All of the women who delayed childbearing until their 30’s – not arbitrarily as the media seems to imply but due to education, career, not having found a suitable partner, student loan debt, financial instability, etc. . . – will be reassured to learn that the frightening statistics about their low chances of conceiving naturally (20% per cycle for 30 year-olds and 5% per cycle for 40 year-olds) are from church birth records in rural France from between 1670 to 1830. Current scientific research puts a woman’s chance of conceiving much higher especially if she is able to time things for the two days before and the day of ovulation. (See pages 31 – 32 and 102 – 105 for more details.)
The most helpful sections of the book teach the basics of charting one’s cycles and how to determine the one’s prime fertility window. The author describes the most common methods and their advantages and disadvantages.
This is the most helpful preconception books I have read, and the euphemisms in it are priceless.
For the really impatient woman, the entire book is summarized in two pages in Appendix A (pages 183 – 184).
June 27, 2012
this book was released literally about two minutes after i finally got pregnant, after almost a year of trying, one hysterosalpingogram, & four cycles of clomid. but i read it anyway, as research for my still-trying bros. it probably won't be terribly useful to ladies who have been trying for a while & have graduated to IUI or beyond, but for those just starting out or only a few cycles in, there's really a wealth of information here. including a lot of stuff that i eventually learned during the long months when we were trying but hadn't known going in--& that's pretty impressive, because i thought i knew a hell of a lot about the female reproductive system. perhaps midwifery training & ten years of fertility awareness made me unnecessarily cocky. & one of the best things about this book is that, although it offers a lot of information that you will probably stumble across in online fertility forums if you keep at it for long enough, it's all consolidated into one place & supported by tons of legitimate review of medical studies. i learned from this book that the shettles method of choosing your baby's gender is not only pretty much complete bullshit, but actually more often results in babies of the opposite gender. i also learned that women taking clomid increase their chances of conceiving girls (hope that's the case for me).
some people have taken umbrage with the name of the book, saying that you shouldn't be trying to have a child if you lack patience. but having actually read the book, i think the title is more of a joke, because pretty much any woman who has been trying to get pregnant for more than a few months is going to, yes, feel legitimately impatient that it's not happening yet, but also kind of embarrassed about that impatience, because we all know it's not a great characteristic to bring into a relationship with a baby. that's definitely how i felt. i was like, "why is that not happening?!?" & then i was like, "okay, chill. a lot of things are going to take a lot longer than you want once there's a kid involved." & in retrospect, i probably could have exercised more patience by continuing to try naturally for longer before running off to get clomid. it only took us ten months to conceive, which is like a lifetime compared to people who get knocked up on their first try (or when not trying at all), but is nothing compared to women who have been trying for years on end. i have mixed feelings...but ultimately, i'm pregnant now, & maybe it would have happened anyway even without any medical assistance...we'll never know. i just wish i would have had a book like this when i first started to expand my knowledge base & maybe speed the process along a little. it's worth checking out if you're thinking of making a baby! team it with a copy of taking charge of your fertility & good luck!
some people have taken umbrage with the name of the book, saying that you shouldn't be trying to have a child if you lack patience. but having actually read the book, i think the title is more of a joke, because pretty much any woman who has been trying to get pregnant for more than a few months is going to, yes, feel legitimately impatient that it's not happening yet, but also kind of embarrassed about that impatience, because we all know it's not a great characteristic to bring into a relationship with a baby. that's definitely how i felt. i was like, "why is that not happening?!?" & then i was like, "okay, chill. a lot of things are going to take a lot longer than you want once there's a kid involved." & in retrospect, i probably could have exercised more patience by continuing to try naturally for longer before running off to get clomid. it only took us ten months to conceive, which is like a lifetime compared to people who get knocked up on their first try (or when not trying at all), but is nothing compared to women who have been trying for years on end. i have mixed feelings...but ultimately, i'm pregnant now, & maybe it would have happened anyway even without any medical assistance...we'll never know. i just wish i would have had a book like this when i first started to expand my knowledge base & maybe speed the process along a little. it's worth checking out if you're thinking of making a baby! team it with a copy of taking charge of your fertility & good luck!
August 13, 2017
I debated whether to track this here in Goodreads, but I decided I wanted to, and also, if you know me personally and feel the desire to comment with your opinion on the subject matter, either here or in person, please take this opportunity to NOT.
Anyway, I think this is a great book for someone exactly like me - a 30-something heterosexually married woman with Type A tendencies and control issues. I feel that Dr. Twenge writes in a manner that is accessible but not condescending. I haven't done much work checking her sources, but the way she writes about her research makes me think that she has done a lot of legwork and I trust her advice.
This book is also focused primarily on women who have (presumably) few health issues that could interfere with fertility. The author does mention a few conditions that can cause problems but mainly from the perspective of "here's how to know if you have this, and if you do, go to the doctor." Her advice is therefore very useful for healthy women, but if you have a known medical complaint that could impact fertility, you're probably better off finding a more targeted resource.
I understand how someone who isn't heterosexual/married to a man could be a little annoyed by her tone. The author is very conversational, "hey girlfriend" in her writing, and in places this seemed unnecessary to me. However, I think that her goal was to try and be as accessible as possible to the audience by sounding friendly and real, as opposed to overly scientific. While I probably wouldn't have written it in the exact same way myself, I don't begrudge her this. It's still full of really useful information.
Anyway, I think this is a great book for someone exactly like me - a 30-something heterosexually married woman with Type A tendencies and control issues. I feel that Dr. Twenge writes in a manner that is accessible but not condescending. I haven't done much work checking her sources, but the way she writes about her research makes me think that she has done a lot of legwork and I trust her advice.
This book is also focused primarily on women who have (presumably) few health issues that could interfere with fertility. The author does mention a few conditions that can cause problems but mainly from the perspective of "here's how to know if you have this, and if you do, go to the doctor." Her advice is therefore very useful for healthy women, but if you have a known medical complaint that could impact fertility, you're probably better off finding a more targeted resource.
I understand how someone who isn't heterosexual/married to a man could be a little annoyed by her tone. The author is very conversational, "hey girlfriend" in her writing, and in places this seemed unnecessary to me. However, I think that her goal was to try and be as accessible as possible to the audience by sounding friendly and real, as opposed to overly scientific. While I probably wouldn't have written it in the exact same way myself, I don't begrudge her this. It's still full of really useful information.
July 29, 2016
I LOVED the author's voice and writing style. As a not-particularly "girly" woman, the lack of romanticism of pregnancy was very refreshing. I liked how she was very blunt and open, about every topic.
My only regret with this book is that I wish that she would have written more on after you actually get pregnant, because her candor and openness is so refreshing, it would be nice to have had her as a "guide" once pregnancy has been achieved.
I would rec this to anyone trying to get pregnant- short, to the point, and actually a lot of fun to read.
My only regret with this book is that I wish that she would have written more on after you actually get pregnant, because her candor and openness is so refreshing, it would be nice to have had her as a "guide" once pregnancy has been achieved.
I would rec this to anyone trying to get pregnant- short, to the point, and actually a lot of fun to read.
March 11, 2018
After six months of trying to get pregnant using IUI, I decided to do some more reading and learning about fertility. This book is short and easy to read and I would happily recommend it. My spouse and I are both female so a lot of the recommendations in this book aren't directly relevant because they are about how to time sex for best fertility. That said, I did appreciate Twenge's aggregation of the various studies and books on fertility and their very varied usefulness/relevance to modern women. I'm 35, so I'm on "the edge" of fertility - except that apparently that statistic was based on rural French women in the 1700s!!! (Who probably already had multiple children and therefore were probably not trying to get pregnant.) As someone who also experienced a miscarriage, I particularly liked her chapter on her own experience of miscarriage and exploration of how a miscarriage changes the whole game - a positive pregnancy test no longer elicits jumps of joy, just a wary "okay" in her book. As a result of the book, I've gotten serious about limiting my caffeine and started charting my temperature in order to keep myself more informed, even though our fertility clinic also does regular monitoring. It's at least been a method to keep myself distracted and feeling like I'm doing something positive to help us along on this TTC journey.
December 28, 2023
Not currently trying to get pregnant but maybe if I learn everything possible first it won’t be so intimidating.
The author does a good job of synthesizing and demystifying a lot of research studies and data. But her takes and beliefs about gender roles, partnership, and diets are embarrassingly outdated and bad which calls into question some of her other takes. But this is super easy and quick to read if you don’t want to get stuck in an internet message board sinkhole or read every 500 page book yourself.
The author does a good job of synthesizing and demystifying a lot of research studies and data. But her takes and beliefs about gender roles, partnership, and diets are embarrassingly outdated and bad which calls into question some of her other takes. But this is super easy and quick to read if you don’t want to get stuck in an internet message board sinkhole or read every 500 page book yourself.
September 25, 2021
2.5 stars. A few good tips in this book especially as I am just starting out on my TTC journey. However I was quite disappointed at the sexism in this book and the stereotyping husbands to be uninterested in the process. Maybe the author was trying to come across as being funny but I just found it stupid and inconsiderate to men.
August 9, 2020
I found this book contained a lot of interesting and valuable information. It was well-organized and easy to understand. I like how she corrected some of the misinformation (outdated fertility statistics) using reliable sources. Like many of the other readers who have reviewed this book, I could do without the way men are referred to in a generalized way who only care about sports and TV and need to be truly convinced when told about a positive pregnancy test result. Perhaps she could have added a disclaimer that she is generalizing. Also, she could refer to them as spouse or partner instead of husband since many people decide to try and conceive regardless of if they are married or not.
February 22, 2018
I found this book to be packed with important facts, debunking many long-standing myths about fertility, and "telling it straight," which I always appreciate. I consider it a must-read for any woman who is exceptionally impatient about getting pregnant, but hasn't yet run into issues with infertility. This book covers charting, cycle-tracking, and a number of other "how-tos" of conceiving, but it is not built for couples who are struggling with infertility--just impatience.
As much as I loved the information in this book, however, its heteronormative sexism is truly unbearable. The author can barely finish a sentence without a snarky aside about the clueless, sports-obsessed, idiot husband having to be spoon-fed or tricked into caring about the entire process of conception. One moment in this book that especially ground my gears was in a discussion about sex. The author pointed out that there is evidence that foreplay helps facilitate conception, with an infuriating little quip: (finally, an excuse for foreplay!) This author, also the author of two chunks of regressive and laughable schlock called "The Narcissism Epidemic" and "Generation Me," clearly has an issue grasping modern social norms.
If you can survive the Married With Children-style assumptions of gender dynamics, however, the facts in this book are invaluable, and the overall tone, though occasionally a bit forced, is comfortable and extremely encouraging. I would recommend it to any fellow control freak looking to conceive ASAP, albeit with a disclaimer.
As much as I loved the information in this book, however, its heteronormative sexism is truly unbearable. The author can barely finish a sentence without a snarky aside about the clueless, sports-obsessed, idiot husband having to be spoon-fed or tricked into caring about the entire process of conception. One moment in this book that especially ground my gears was in a discussion about sex. The author pointed out that there is evidence that foreplay helps facilitate conception, with an infuriating little quip: (finally, an excuse for foreplay!) This author, also the author of two chunks of regressive and laughable schlock called "The Narcissism Epidemic" and "Generation Me," clearly has an issue grasping modern social norms.
If you can survive the Married With Children-style assumptions of gender dynamics, however, the facts in this book are invaluable, and the overall tone, though occasionally a bit forced, is comfortable and extremely encouraging. I would recommend it to any fellow control freak looking to conceive ASAP, albeit with a disclaimer.
October 15, 2012
This was really funny and helpful. Twenge gets down to basics, and more importantly, actually looks at the studies behind the statistics quoted in the other gazillion books in the baby-making genre (I don't know the dewey decimal numbers for that). For example, Twenge uncovers that the doom and gloom statistics often cited about fertility for women in their 30s is based on hospital records from France in the 1700-1800s. Don't get me wrong, she's not polyannish about this stuff, but she actually quotes data from this decade, when things are very different. Overall, I found the book very funny, informative, and it left me feeling optimistic about my chances to conceive.
The book offers very helpful suggestions about optimizing your chances of conception, such as buying a fertility monitor, but having sex a little earlier than the guide says to. She also offers easy tips for other conception aids, like ovulation predictor kits.
The book fell a little flat in the part about how not to go crazy while your waiting. Twenge offers suggestions, like distractions and therapy -- things you already know. Then again, waiting sucks. There are no magic bullets to make it not suck, and you won't find them in this book. I look forward to updating this review when I'm pregnant, telling you it worked!
The book offers very helpful suggestions about optimizing your chances of conception, such as buying a fertility monitor, but having sex a little earlier than the guide says to. She also offers easy tips for other conception aids, like ovulation predictor kits.
The book fell a little flat in the part about how not to go crazy while your waiting. Twenge offers suggestions, like distractions and therapy -- things you already know. Then again, waiting sucks. There are no magic bullets to make it not suck, and you won't find them in this book. I look forward to updating this review when I'm pregnant, telling you it worked!
August 12, 2016
This book has a couple pieces of useful information for someone trying to grasp the reproductive culture (oh the acronyms!), but I didn't appreciate the outdated gender role assumptions or unfunny jokes. All husbands are not bumbling idiots who care nothing about their wives or future kids and only about football and sex. Also, they might not all be husbands. The author recognizes that and says she'll use the word "husband" throughout the book for ease. That's perplexing, though, because "partner" has the same number of letters.
February 13, 2018
I was at Disney World the day my 5th grade public school classmates got the talk. I feel caught up after reading this book.
This book isn’t only for “impatient women” but rather women who value efficiency and knowledge about their bodies and pregnancy. I’m sure it’s not for everyone, as nothing is. There are plenty of places where her casual tone grated on me (in her general remarks about men’s disinterest and love of football, rather than as partners). On the whole though, I found the content approachable and thoughtful, supported by research and facts.
This book isn’t only for “impatient women” but rather women who value efficiency and knowledge about their bodies and pregnancy. I’m sure it’s not for everyone, as nothing is. There are plenty of places where her casual tone grated on me (in her general remarks about men’s disinterest and love of football, rather than as partners). On the whole though, I found the content approachable and thoughtful, supported by research and facts.
November 9, 2021
I got *some* applicable advice from this book, but on the whole I found the author to be immature and a little cheesy. I appreciate her reverence for science, but aside from that, it seems like valid advice mixed together with some strange humor.
December 29, 2018
Good book for the over 30 set in trying to get pregnant. Gives a good kick to be more proactive than just pulling the goalies and explains theories that may have come up in conversation.
December 8, 2022
Great book! Very relatable for those going through infertility.
July 2, 2017
Easy quick encouraging beginner read. Don't start on What to expect unless you want to find natural sleep aids.
November 22, 2020
I can't believe I finished this book. This book belongs in the 1920s-or the trash. At times the author brings some good arguments and research, at other times she contradicts herself with her opinions. The perspective Twenge has of men is so low, I feel bad for her husband and all the men she knows. She pictures pregnant people to be mono-faceted cis hetero women married to cromagnon type husbands who drink beer and only want to have sex. If you are a feminist, queer, or progressive in any way, don't read this book.
April 16, 2018
When you're trying to get pregnant (TTC), it can be easy and dizzying to get lost in all the research and medical jargon that exists out there. Reading this book was like having a friend who had done all the research for me and boiled it down to the essentials. Though there's still a lot I find overwhelming to digest, the point of the book is to choose the path that's best for you and your sanity - something I truly appreciate. Highly recommended.
May 21, 2020
While there was plenty of practical and helpful information (backed with studies) to be found in this book - I have to rate it 2 stars because of the outward sexism and toxic masculinity implied.
I cannot understate the book's usefulness and fact-based approach but I found it literally difficult to read sometimes due to its patronising simplification of gender roles.
I cannot understate the book's usefulness and fact-based approach but I found it literally difficult to read sometimes due to its patronising simplification of gender roles.
June 5, 2025
As I sit down to share my story, I am overwhelmed with emotions, reflecting on the incredible journey that has brought me to where I am today. My name is Amelia, and I am a testament to the power of nature and the resilience of the human spirit. For years, my husband and I struggled with infertility, facing countless disappointments and heartbreaks. But today, I hold my precious child in my arms, conceived through the miraculous power of herbs.
The journey began over five years ago when my husband and I decided to start a family. We had been married for a few years, and everything seemed perfect, but month after month, I would discover that I wasn't pregnant. As the months turned into years, our excitement turned into frustration, and our hopes began to dwindle. We visited numerous hospitals, consulted with specialists, and underwent countless tests, but the diagnosis was always the same: our chances of conceiving were slim.
The emotional toll was immense. I felt like a failure, and the pressure from family and friends only added to our stress. We tried every medical treatment available, from fertility drugs to IVF, but nothing seemed to work. It was as if our dream of having a child was slipping further and further away.
One day, a close friend suggested that we try herbal remedies. At first, I was skeptical, having relied on modern medicine for so long. However, desperation had taken over, and I was willing to try anything. We began our search for the right herbs, consulting with herbalists and reading about various natural remedies.
The herbs we used were carefully selected based on their properties to enhance fertility. There was maca root, known for its ability to balance hormones; chasteberry, which supports ovulation; and red clover, rich in isoflavones that promote reproductive health. We prepared the herbs according to the herbalist's instructions and started our treatment.
The journey wasn't easy. There were times when we doubted the effectiveness of the herbs, and the long history of medical failures made us question whether this would work. However, we were determined to give it our best shot. We combined the herbal treatment with a healthier lifestyle, eating better, exercising regularly, and managing stress.
Months went by, and while we didn't see immediate results, I began to feel a change within myself. My menstrual cycle became more regular, and I felt more energized and positive. Then, one morning, I woke up with a strange feeling—a feeling that something was different. I took a pregnancy test, and to our absolute shock, it was positive!
The joy that followed was indescribable. We couldn't believe that after all the struggles, we were finally going to be parents. The pregnancy was a blessing, filled with moments of happiness, anticipation, and, of course, some challenges. But through it all, we felt a sense of peace and gratitude, knowing that our child was conceived naturally, through the power of herbs.
On February 23 2025, we welcomed our beautiful baby into the world. Holding our child in our arms for the first time was a moment of pure bliss. It was as if all the tears, prayers, and hopes had culminated in this one perfect moment. We named our child Luca, which means "gift of God" in our native language, because that's exactly what our child is—a gift from above, conceived through the miraculous power of nature.
Looking back, I realize that our journey to parenthood taught us patience, resilience, and the importance of faith. While the medical community may not fully understand or acknowledge the power of herbs in fertility, our experience speaks for itself. The herbs worked for us when nothing else did, and for that, we are eternally grateful.
If you're reading this and facing similar challenges, I want you to know that there is hope. Don't give up. Explore all your options, including natural remedies. While herbs may not be the solution for everyone, they were for us, and that's all that matters.
In conclusion, I want to express my deepest gratitude to the herbalist who guided us, to the natural world that provided the herbs, and to God, who blessed us with this precious gift. Our story is a testament to the power of nature and the human spirit's ability to overcome adversity. We hope that our journey will inspire others to explore natural solutions and never lose hope in their quest for parenthood. You can yours from them, this is their email contact, oceanviewtraditioncentre@gmail.com
January 20, 2020
3.5 stars - I could really have done without the "vegetables are GROSS, RIGHT?!?!" attitude of the healthy eating section. I have no patience for picky eaters in general and I don't think it's funny or cute to hate vegetables and other healthy food, so that part annoyed me. And I also could've done without the "our husbands are neanderthals who just grill food and watch sports!!!" attitude - like, I realize this was written in 2012 but I still would've expected a bit more enlightenment than that. I don't doubt that some guys ARE like that but the way she sort of belabored the point of it was really annoying and immature.
And don't even get me STARTED on the "don't initiate sex by waving your OPK in his face - guys hate that, you have to be sexy instead!" Like bitch, I am spending half my fucking month peeing in a cup so I can dip little sticks into it and then spend an embarrassing amount of time analyzing them, a quarter of the month bleeding from my vagina and crying about it, and the ENTIRE MONTH, ALL MONTH, thinking about this shit nearly nonstop. My husband can fucking deal with me yelling "LOOK AT THIS OPK! TIME TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF!" (and for the record, he's never indicated that this was a problem for him and is a willing and active participant in these sorts of shenanigans). I'd love a bitch to tell me that on top of all the other mental and emotional work I have to do to try to make a baby, I also have to do it ALONE and PRETEND I'M NOT DOING IT for my husband's sake. You know what I'm not here for? The normalization of women shouldering the emotional burden for everything!!!
Actually, I just got so re-angry about this that I decided to round my 3.5 down to 3 instead of up to 4 lol.
Anyway, all that aside, I do wish I'd read this book before we started trying rather than almost a year into it. It would've been more helpful to me then. As it stands now, I already knew all of the stuff it said from my obsessive internet research; also, some of what she said was just wrong (such as there being no scientific studies proving the effectiveness of CoQ10 on egg health), but maybe that's because the info is 7 years old. I did really appreciate the section on the real statistics of age-related fertility decline (much more comforting than the 17th-century French birth record statistics that are bandied about), and I really liked the section on how to cope with the stress and anxiety. I've been trying to use some of her methods to stop the ruminating and go toward defensive pessimism instead of outright pessimism or blind optimism. I also liked feeling less alone when she wrote about how anxiety-inducing the entire process is and the psychology behind why - certainly the hours I spend trolling Reddit and reading about others who feel the same as me also help, but it felt more "official" or something to read it in a book.
And don't even get me STARTED on the "don't initiate sex by waving your OPK in his face - guys hate that, you have to be sexy instead!" Like bitch, I am spending half my fucking month peeing in a cup so I can dip little sticks into it and then spend an embarrassing amount of time analyzing them, a quarter of the month bleeding from my vagina and crying about it, and the ENTIRE MONTH, ALL MONTH, thinking about this shit nearly nonstop. My husband can fucking deal with me yelling "LOOK AT THIS OPK! TIME TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF!" (and for the record, he's never indicated that this was a problem for him and is a willing and active participant in these sorts of shenanigans). I'd love a bitch to tell me that on top of all the other mental and emotional work I have to do to try to make a baby, I also have to do it ALONE and PRETEND I'M NOT DOING IT for my husband's sake. You know what I'm not here for? The normalization of women shouldering the emotional burden for everything!!!
Actually, I just got so re-angry about this that I decided to round my 3.5 down to 3 instead of up to 4 lol.
Anyway, all that aside, I do wish I'd read this book before we started trying rather than almost a year into it. It would've been more helpful to me then. As it stands now, I already knew all of the stuff it said from my obsessive internet research; also, some of what she said was just wrong (such as there being no scientific studies proving the effectiveness of CoQ10 on egg health), but maybe that's because the info is 7 years old. I did really appreciate the section on the real statistics of age-related fertility decline (much more comforting than the 17th-century French birth record statistics that are bandied about), and I really liked the section on how to cope with the stress and anxiety. I've been trying to use some of her methods to stop the ruminating and go toward defensive pessimism instead of outright pessimism or blind optimism. I also liked feeling less alone when she wrote about how anxiety-inducing the entire process is and the psychology behind why - certainly the hours I spend trolling Reddit and reading about others who feel the same as me also help, but it felt more "official" or something to read it in a book.
November 24, 2018
I wouldn't really recommend this. The other, more critical reviews are right - the book's style is gratingly tone deaf, and this book is implicitly pitched towards a very specific subset of women. What I like to call the "Lean In" demographic of women: that is, women who are already pretty privileged, educated, relatively well-off, and married to a man. Women who would call themselves "type A". Women who are also not suffering from a diagnosed fertility issue, but just need a book-length manual on how to plan sex around ovulation (and how to save money on ovulation predictor kits).
I mean, there's nothing you'll get here that isn't in that one chapter of Emily Oster's book (no, I will never stop recommending that book) or r/BabyBumps or r/TryingForABaby. (With the caveat that those last two subreddits are a non-randomly selected sample as well, of course.)
I read this many months ago but there is still one thing that sticks out in my mind for how much it struck and annoyed me. Other reviewers have mentioned it too. There's a bit where Twenge, in a somewhat manic moment, makes this exasperated cry about how "unfair" it is that she - a successful, upstanding lady! a professor! with TENURE, for the love of God, and speaking engagements!!! - should have to struggle to conceive, when there are, ahem, 17-year-olds having litters of crack babies out there. This tone-deaf comment was super bothersome because, my goodness, it smacked of so much entitlement (I'm rich therefore I deserve to conceive easily?) and lacked any sense of nuance or empathy. Given that Twenge's also made her name on similarly moralizing research such as smartphones are neutering our children and the kids aren't sexing enough, and - when they do sex - they're sexing it wrong, I kind of take her work with a big grain of salt.
Two stars because there's nothing WRONG in the book (that I can remember) - like, I doubt reading this will negatively affect your likelihood to conceive - but there are other sources of the same info that spare you the upper middle class sanctimony.
I mean, there's nothing you'll get here that isn't in that one chapter of Emily Oster's book (no, I will never stop recommending that book) or r/BabyBumps or r/TryingForABaby. (With the caveat that those last two subreddits are a non-randomly selected sample as well, of course.)
I read this many months ago but there is still one thing that sticks out in my mind for how much it struck and annoyed me. Other reviewers have mentioned it too. There's a bit where Twenge, in a somewhat manic moment, makes this exasperated cry about how "unfair" it is that she - a successful, upstanding lady! a professor! with TENURE, for the love of God, and speaking engagements!!! - should have to struggle to conceive, when there are, ahem, 17-year-olds having litters of crack babies out there. This tone-deaf comment was super bothersome because, my goodness, it smacked of so much entitlement (I'm rich therefore I deserve to conceive easily?) and lacked any sense of nuance or empathy. Given that Twenge's also made her name on similarly moralizing research such as smartphones are neutering our children and the kids aren't sexing enough, and - when they do sex - they're sexing it wrong, I kind of take her work with a big grain of salt.
Two stars because there's nothing WRONG in the book (that I can remember) - like, I doubt reading this will negatively affect your likelihood to conceive - but there are other sources of the same info that spare you the upper middle class sanctimony.
September 28, 2018
28 Year Old Perspective
And then there was that one review...
Now don’t get me wrong, I semi-enjoyed this book and the vast amount of information that it contained. However, as a 28-year-old trying to start her family - this book was definitely designed for an older woman attempting to get pregnant. The book often referenced ages ranging 35 and above while mentioning IVF frequently. Although all this information is important for any woman struggling to conceive, I feel at my present stage the information become overwhelming and useless. I found myself feeling more worried than comforted by the end of this book. Although the author reassures her readers that everything will be fine in most situations, I definitely feel a gray cloud forming overhead at the thought of being infertile. A seed was planted, but not in relation to making a baby but more like a seed of fear and urgency. The author throws around numbers as if that comforts a struggling woman trying to get pregnant, but in all reality these number are ambiguous as every woman is physiologically different. I personally didn’t find her statistical research and personal stories reassuring and my husband and I haven’t even attempt to get pregnant yet. Needless to say, I skipped several pages to find any information that I could use now and began to question the validity of the information I did find. Let’s just say her perspective is highly biased and this book should be retitle.
I guess what I was looking for was more of a book designed to help with the coping of starting a family. Nothing full of unicorns and rainbows, but something to encourage the excitement of trying to have a baby as a first timer. I was in search for information that would prepare me and allow me to get mentally and physically ready for the months to come while trying to conceive. I guess I’m still in search for the ultimate book and the advice here fell short of my expectations.
Maybe if trying to conceive naturally fails miserably I will come back and reference this book...
And then there was that one review...
Now don’t get me wrong, I semi-enjoyed this book and the vast amount of information that it contained. However, as a 28-year-old trying to start her family - this book was definitely designed for an older woman attempting to get pregnant. The book often referenced ages ranging 35 and above while mentioning IVF frequently. Although all this information is important for any woman struggling to conceive, I feel at my present stage the information become overwhelming and useless. I found myself feeling more worried than comforted by the end of this book. Although the author reassures her readers that everything will be fine in most situations, I definitely feel a gray cloud forming overhead at the thought of being infertile. A seed was planted, but not in relation to making a baby but more like a seed of fear and urgency. The author throws around numbers as if that comforts a struggling woman trying to get pregnant, but in all reality these number are ambiguous as every woman is physiologically different. I personally didn’t find her statistical research and personal stories reassuring and my husband and I haven’t even attempt to get pregnant yet. Needless to say, I skipped several pages to find any information that I could use now and began to question the validity of the information I did find. Let’s just say her perspective is highly biased and this book should be retitle.
I guess what I was looking for was more of a book designed to help with the coping of starting a family. Nothing full of unicorns and rainbows, but something to encourage the excitement of trying to have a baby as a first timer. I was in search for information that would prepare me and allow me to get mentally and physically ready for the months to come while trying to conceive. I guess I’m still in search for the ultimate book and the advice here fell short of my expectations.
Maybe if trying to conceive naturally fails miserably I will come back and reference this book...
December 26, 2023
This book gives helpful basic information for women trying to conceive, in a conversational tone. I already knew most of this information due to an online course called Fast Track to Pregnancy, which teaches fertility charting with a lot of visual aids. if I had just read this book I might have only had a vague conceptual idea of what she was talking about ("egg white cervical mucous?"); I recommend the online course or an in-person course to show you real charts and pictures in real time. It is a good primer in body literacy though, and I liked that it didn't shy away from addressing the emotional nature of the process of TTC. However, the author assumes throughout the book that every woman reading it is heterosexual and having sex with her husband to get pregnant, and makes a lot of silly inside jokes in that direction. I'm not one of those people that expects the world to revolve around a small minority, but a sentence tossed out somewhere acknowleding my existence would have been nice. The most helpful parts of the book for me were the checklists as Appendices, of what to do leading up to TTC, and what to buy. Her advice on fertility monitors may be dated, since there are now high-tech digital ones, but all in all it's nice to see the steps and products in a list.
August 9, 2024
If you have been trying to get pregnant for over a year or struggling with infertility and feel like you have no one to talk to, this book is for you. However if you are just someone who is thinking about conceiving in the near future and want genuine education don’t bother. Over half of this book is weird tasteless jokes and any information in here could have been found via google. Lots of “my husband doesn’t care” type jokes which I found really sad and off putting.
This is the only good advice I got so take this and leave the book behind:
Your prenatal vitamins should include calcium supplement, vitamin d, Omega 3/dha supplement with fish oil , at least 800 mg of Folic acid/Folate, at least 25mg of iron, and at least 10mg of vitamin b6.
There now you can avoid reading this awful book 😂
This is the only good advice I got so take this and leave the book behind:
Your prenatal vitamins should include calcium supplement, vitamin d, Omega 3/dha supplement with fish oil , at least 800 mg of Folic acid/Folate, at least 25mg of iron, and at least 10mg of vitamin b6.
There now you can avoid reading this awful book 😂
December 19, 2024
I absolutely loved this book! My husband and I listened to the audiobook the very month we started trying to conceive -because I am an impatient woman; making it a fun and informative part of our road trip. Twenge's writing style is incredibly casual and engaging, almost like she's a close friend sharing her own experiences. My usually stone-faced husband even chuckled out loud a few times, which is a testament to how entertaining she is.
Beyond the humor, the book provides all the essential information you need to embark on your fertility journey. It helped me realistically gauge my expectations and understand the process better. I highly recommend this book to any couple hoping to start a family.
Beyond the humor, the book provides all the essential information you need to embark on your fertility journey. It helped me realistically gauge my expectations and understand the process better. I highly recommend this book to any couple hoping to start a family.
September 20, 2017
File this alongside Expecting Better with women in the social sciences who apply their understanding of big data and how to read journal articles to stressful reproduction issues. Twenge is a little too "girlfriend-y" for my tastes, but she is very approachable with common misconceptions about...conception. Huh. Anyway, she talks about many of the possible nagging thoughts of older, ambitious, results-driven women who want to have a baby--are your eggs too old and shriveled at 35? can you "time" when to have a boy or girl? is it worth taking an early indicating pregnancy test? what are the benefits of all these different things people want to sell me?
January 10, 2019
Good useful information to help prepare for and work to get pregnant. I didn't really love her "humor" or maybe I just wasn't in the mood for it. I did not feel like I was talking to one of my girlfriends, as advertised.
I did appreciate the succinct summaries of information throughout. Also liked the strategies for dealing with stress and worry while trying to conceive.
I think I've picked up this book way past where the author or her intended audience is at, so her anecdotes weren't particularly relatable or reassuring. Will continue to search for other resources that are more applicable.
I did appreciate the succinct summaries of information throughout. Also liked the strategies for dealing with stress and worry while trying to conceive.
I think I've picked up this book way past where the author or her intended audience is at, so her anecdotes weren't particularly relatable or reassuring. Will continue to search for other resources that are more applicable.
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