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Holding On to the Air: An Autobiography 1st edition by Farrell, Suzanne, Bentley, Toni (2002) Paperback
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First published January 1, 1990
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April 11, 2011
I love this autobiography. It's good enough to be a work of fiction, right down to the unreliable narrator! Suzanne Farrell is sweet, beautiful, ethereal...a bit naive. And, unbeknownst to Suzanne, George Balanchine is one of the great villains in literature. I'd say she stole the character from The Portrait of a Lady...except he's real! It actually happened! Best of all, Suzanne triumphs in the end! Innocence triumphs!...unbeknownst to Suzanne.
Lovely, lovely Suzanne...
*sigh*
Lovely, lovely Suzanne...
*sigh*
December 16, 2008
Suzanne Farrell's autobiography is absolutely beautiful, and it brought me to tears on several occasions. The way in which she describes dance is so poetic and is a demonstration of her passion and depth of understanding. I feel like I could forge a close friendship with someone like her—she is paradoxically realistic and measured and at the same time romantic and spiritual. I wish I could have seen her dance on stage rather than on video, but at least there is some legacy of her artistry. This book is also a meditation on her friendship with George Balanchine. Despite a substantial age difference, this was a relationship built upon empathy, respect, and love, which made it transcendent—we could all learn something from that kind of limitless generosity.
July 14, 2021
Holding on to the Air เขียนโดย Suzanne Farrell และ Toni Bentley
สนุกมากกกกกก 10 คะแนนเต็มในทุกมิติ
เล่มนี้เป็นชีวประวัติของคุณ Suzanne Farrell บัลเลริน่าที่มีชื่อเสียงสุดๆ คนนึงของยุคสมัยค่ะ ถ้าพูดให้ครบคือ หนังสือเล่มนี้เป็นเรื่องราวชีวิตของคุณซูซานที่ได้ใช้ชีวิตกับ George Balanchine อัจฉริยะแห่งวงการบัลเล่ต์ในศตวรรษที่ 20
เรื่องเล่าด้วยภาษาอ่านง่าย ชวนติดตาม เริ่มตั้งแต่ชีวิตวัยเด็กในซินซินนาติ(รัฐโอไฮโอ) จากความฝันของเด็กน้อยที่ค่อยๆ ก้าวเข้าวงการบัลเล่ต์ในนิวยอร์ค คุณซูซานเห็นบาลันชีนมาตั้งแต่เธอยังเด็กค่ะ ก็เค้าน่ะทั้งดังทั้งเก่งทั้งเป็นเซเล็บนี่นา คุณบาลันชีนอายุมากกว่าคุณซูซาน 40 ปีค่ะ
ไม่ต้องสงสัยว่าคุณบาลันชีนคืออัจฉริยะ นิวยอร์คกลายเป็นศูนย์กลางบัลเล่ต์โลกได้ ก็เพราะคุณบาลันชีนอพยพจากรัสเซียมาตั้งรกรากที่นี่ และก่อตั้ง New York City Ballet และขยันสร้างสรรค์การแสดงใหม่ๆ ออกมาปีละเป็นสิบๆ เรื่อง ท้าทายกฎเกณฑ์เก่าๆ ของบัลเล่ต์ ตั้งแต่การแต่งตัวนักแสดง วิธีการเต้น การจัดองค์ประกอบ พูดง่ายๆ ว่าเขานำพา Romantic Ballet ยุคดั้งเดิมพุ่งทะยานขึ้นสู่ Classical Ballet ระดับใหม่ ชนิดที่ว่าโลกไม่เคยเห็นมาก่อน
เราไม่สงสัยในความเป็นอัจฉริยะของคุณบาลันชีน เค้าเทพจริงๆ นั่นแหล่ะ แต่เรื่องราวของคุณซูซานเองก็ไม่ธรรมดาเลย ตลอดการเล่าเรื่องใน Holding on to the Air เราคิดว่าเธอเป็นคน humble มาก เป็นคนชัดเจน ไม่คิดเล็กคิดน้อย และเป็นคนซ้อมหนักจริงๆ เธอถึงก้าวมาได้ไกลขนาดนี้
การจะเป็นบัลเลรินาคู่บุญ ชนิดที่บาลันชีนเรียกเธอเป็น muse ของเขา... มันต้องแบกรับความคาดหวังชนิดไหนไว้เนียะ?
แล้วยังจะสายตาจากคนภายนอกอีก เพราะคุณบาลันชีนกับคุณซูซานสนิทกันมากๆ มากชนิดที่เราคิดว่ามันเป็น Spiritual Level แต่แน่นอนว่าเรื่องพวกนี้คนภายนอกไม่มีทางเข้าใจ สื่อและนิตยสารซุบซิบจ้องจะเล่าข่าวของอัจฉริยะแห่งวงการบัลเล่ต์และนักเต้นสาวอยู่แล้ว ความดราม่ามีเพียบตั้งแต่ข้อเท็จจริงที่ว่าบาลันชีนแต่งงานแล้ว และภรรยาคนปัจจุบันคือคนที่ 5 แถมทุกคนเคยเป็นบัลเลริน่าของเค้ามาก่อน
เราชอบทั้งความสัมพันธ์ของคนทั้งคู่ และการวางตัวของคุณซูซานค่ะ และเธอเป็น Artist จริงๆ ไม่ว่าจะการส่งมอบประสบการณ์ในการแสดงแต่ละคืน (ขึ้นแสดงทุกคืนติดกันไม่หยุดกว่า 20 ปี) วิธีการคิด วิธีรับมือกับแต่ละสถานการณ์ที่โผล่เข้ามาในชีวิต ช่วงยากลำบาก การเดินหน้ารับมือสิ่งที่เกิดขึ้นเพราะการตัดสินใจของตัวเอง
เรื่องราวพวกนี้เกิดขึ้นช่วงยุค 60-80 ค่ะ เราจะได้เห็นคุณซูซานตั้งแต่ตอนเธอไม่มีที่อยู่ เข้ามาอยู่อพาร์ทเม้นท์รูหนูที่อัดกันอยู่ 3 คนกับแม่และพี่สาว ไปจนถึงเธอได้รับเชิญให้ไปแสดงในเวทีใหญ่ทั่วยุโรปและไกลมาถึงเอเชีย และเป็นคู่เต้นรำของเจ้าชายชาร์ลส์(สมัยพาเจ้าหญิงไดอาน่าเดินทางไปที่ต่างๆ) เขียนได้สนุกมากๆ และอ่านเพลินมากจริงๆ
ส่วนนึงคงเพราะเนื้อหาจำนวนมากในเล่มก็เกี่ยวกับคุณบาลันชีนด้วย คุณบาลันชีนเป็นผู้ชายมีอายุที่มีพลังงานแบบคนหนุ่มน่ะค่ะ ถึงเค้าจะอายุ 60 ตอนทั้งคู่เจอกันครั้งแรก แต่คุณบาลันชีนไม่มีความแก่เลย เป็นผู้ชายพูดน้อย เป็นเจนเทิลแมน ให้ความรู้สึกคูลๆ มีอารมณ์ขัน ดูนิสัยน่ารัก พูดน้อยแต่ปล่อยของมาทีนี่อ่านแล้วกรี้ดเลยค่ะ มีความจิกหมอน...
เราไม่ใช่คอบัลเล่ต์ ไม่เคยเรียนบัลเล่ต์ ยังอ่านสนุกขนาดนี้
ชอบๆ สนุกมากๆ ค่ะ ^___^
สนุกมากกกกกก 10 คะแนนเต็มในทุกมิติ
เล่มนี้เป็นชีวประวัติของคุณ Suzanne Farrell บัลเลริน่าที่มีชื่อเสียงสุดๆ คนนึงของยุคสมัยค่ะ ถ้าพูดให้ครบคือ หนังสือเล่มนี้เป็นเรื่องราวชีวิตของคุณซูซานที่ได้ใช้ชีวิตกับ George Balanchine อัจฉริยะแห่งวงการบัลเล่ต์ในศตวรรษที่ 20
เรื่องเล่าด้วยภาษาอ่านง่าย ชวนติดตาม เริ่มตั้งแต่ชีวิตวัยเด็กในซินซินนาติ(รัฐโอไฮโอ) จากความฝันของเด็กน้อยที่ค่อยๆ ก้าวเข้าวงการบัลเล่ต์ในนิวยอร์ค คุณซูซานเห็นบาลันชีนมาตั้งแต่เธอยังเด็กค่ะ ก็เค้าน่ะทั้งดังทั้งเก่งทั้งเป็นเซเล็บนี่นา คุณบาลันชีนอายุมากกว่าคุณซูซาน 40 ปีค่ะ
ไม่ต้องสงสัยว่าคุณบาลันชีนคืออัจฉริยะ นิวยอร์คกลายเป็นศูนย์กลางบัลเล่ต์โลกได้ ก็เพราะคุณบาลันชีนอพยพจากรัสเซียมาตั้งรกรากที่นี่ และก่อตั้ง New York City Ballet และขยันสร้างสรรค์การแสดงใหม่ๆ ออกมาปีละเป็นสิบๆ เรื่อง ท้าทายกฎเกณฑ์เก่าๆ ของบัลเล่ต์ ตั้งแต่การแต่งตัวนักแสดง วิธีการเต้น การจัดองค์ประกอบ พูดง่ายๆ ว่าเขานำพา Romantic Ballet ยุคดั้งเดิมพุ่งทะยานขึ้นสู่ Classical Ballet ระดับใหม่ ชนิดที่ว่าโลกไม่เคยเห็นมาก่อน
เราไม่สงสัยในความเป็นอัจฉริยะของคุณบาลันชีน เค้าเทพจริงๆ นั่นแหล่ะ แต่เรื่องราวของคุณซูซานเองก็ไม่ธรรมดาเลย ตลอดการเล่าเรื่องใน Holding on to the Air เราคิดว่าเธอเป็นคน humble มาก เป็นคนชัดเจน ไม่คิดเล็กคิดน้อย และเป็นคนซ้อมหนักจริงๆ เธอถึงก้าวมาได้ไกลขนาดนี้
การจะเป็นบัลเลรินาคู่บุญ ชนิดที่บาลันชีนเรียกเธอเป็น muse ของเขา... มันต้องแบกรับความคาดหวังชนิดไหนไว้เนียะ?
แล้วยังจะสายตาจากคนภายนอกอีก เพราะคุณบาลันชีนกับคุณซูซานสนิทกันมากๆ มากชนิดที่เราคิดว่ามันเป็น Spiritual Level แต่แน่นอนว่าเรื่องพวกนี้คนภายนอกไม่มีทางเข้าใจ สื่อและนิตยสารซุบซิบจ้องจะเล่าข่าวของอัจฉริยะแห่งวงการบัลเล่ต์และนักเต้นสาวอยู่แล้ว ความดราม่ามีเพียบตั้งแต่ข้อเท็จจริงที่ว่าบาลันชีนแต่งงานแล้ว และภรรยาคนปัจจุบันคือคนที่ 5 แถมทุกคนเคยเป็นบัลเลริน่าของเค้ามาก่อน
เราชอบทั้งความสัมพันธ์ของคนทั้งคู่ และการวางตัวของคุณซูซานค่ะ และเธอเป็น Artist จริงๆ ไม่ว่าจะการส่งมอบประสบการณ์ในการแสดงแต่ละคืน (ขึ้นแสดงทุกคืนติดกันไม่หยุดกว่า 20 ปี) วิธีการคิด วิธีรับมือกับแต่ละสถานการณ์ที่โผล่เข้ามาในชีวิต ช่วงยากลำบาก การเดินหน้ารับมือสิ่งที่เกิดขึ้นเพราะการตัดสินใจของตัวเอง
เรื่องราวพวกนี้เกิดขึ้นช่วงยุค 60-80 ค่ะ เราจะได้เห็นคุณซูซานตั้งแต่ตอนเธอไม่มีที่อยู่ เข้ามาอยู่อพาร์ทเม้นท์รูหนูที่อัดกันอยู่ 3 คนกับแม่และพี่สาว ไปจนถึงเธอได้รับเชิญให้ไปแสดงในเวทีใหญ่ทั่วยุโรปและไกลมาถึงเอเชีย และเป็นคู่เต้นรำของเจ้าชายชาร์ลส์(สมัยพาเจ้าหญิงไดอาน่าเดินทางไปที่ต่างๆ) เขียนได้สนุกมากๆ และอ่านเพลินมากจริงๆ
ส่วนนึงคงเพราะเนื้อหาจำนวนมากในเล่มก็เกี่ยวกับคุณบาลันชีนด้วย คุณบาลันชีนเป็นผู้ชายมีอายุที่มีพลังงานแบบคนหนุ่มน่ะค่ะ ถึงเค้าจะอายุ 60 ตอนทั้งคู่เจอกันครั้งแรก แต่คุณบาลันชีนไม่มีความแก่เลย เป็นผู้ชายพูดน้อย เป็นเจนเทิลแมน ให้ความรู้สึกคูลๆ มีอารมณ์ขัน ดูนิสัยน่ารัก พูดน้อยแต่ปล่อยของมาทีนี่อ่านแล้วกรี้ดเลยค่ะ มีความจิกหมอน...
เราไม่ใช่คอบัลเล่ต์ ไม่เคยเรียนบัลเล่ต์ ยังอ่านสนุกขนาดนี้
ชอบๆ สนุกมากๆ ค่ะ ^___^
May 4, 2018
George Balanchine's last great muse was ballerina Suzanne Farrell. Balanchine was already in his 50's when he made the teenager a star of the New York City Ballet, making several of his famous ballets on her. But their relationship was complex. Balanchine was clearly in love with Farrell, as he was his previous muses, whom he married. At the time, he was still married to Tanaquil LeClerc, who became wheelchair bound as a result of contracting polio when she was 27.
I enjoyed Farrell's autobiography, but she never does say if her relationship with Balanchine crossed that sexual line. Perhaps it did, perhaps it didn't. But when she chose to marry a fellow dancer, George Balanchine decided to punish her by firing them both. They found it difficult to find work because no American ballet company wanted to risk Balanchine's ire. Eventually the couple was offered work in Belgium with Maurice Bejart, where they stayed for a number of years until Ms. Farrell returned to New York, asking Mr. B. for her job back. He agreed, but would not hire her husband.
Given today's sexual harassment/abuse climate has reached into the ballet world (Peter Martins was forced to give up his post as Balanchine's successor), this book was especially interesting to me. I found it sad that such a young girl had to struggle with the complexities of such a relationship with no support. Her family wanted her to do whatever Balanchine said - they considered the job more important. Her fellow dancers disliked her out of jealousy for the attention Mr. B gave her. To top it off, she genuinely adored Balanchine and didn't want to hurt him. She was just too young to understand what anyone looking at his attentions today would know - that his demands upon her were completely inappropriate.
I enjoyed Farrell's autobiography, but she never does say if her relationship with Balanchine crossed that sexual line. Perhaps it did, perhaps it didn't. But when she chose to marry a fellow dancer, George Balanchine decided to punish her by firing them both. They found it difficult to find work because no American ballet company wanted to risk Balanchine's ire. Eventually the couple was offered work in Belgium with Maurice Bejart, where they stayed for a number of years until Ms. Farrell returned to New York, asking Mr. B. for her job back. He agreed, but would not hire her husband.
Given today's sexual harassment/abuse climate has reached into the ballet world (Peter Martins was forced to give up his post as Balanchine's successor), this book was especially interesting to me. I found it sad that such a young girl had to struggle with the complexities of such a relationship with no support. Her family wanted her to do whatever Balanchine said - they considered the job more important. Her fellow dancers disliked her out of jealousy for the attention Mr. B gave her. To top it off, she genuinely adored Balanchine and didn't want to hurt him. She was just too young to understand what anyone looking at his attentions today would know - that his demands upon her were completely inappropriate.
January 16, 2007
Suzanne Farrell comes off as rather odd in this book. She seems totally detached from reality, but then again, she didn't have to be, plucked to be part of George Balanchine's company at age 15 and immediately catapulted to "favored" status. Even the tone of the writing seems detached and sort of shadowy. If you are fascinated with the New York City Ballet this is a good book to add to your repertoire.
February 12, 2017
Reading memoirs of ballerinas is a wonderful way to sneak backstage and get a glimpse of teh world of ballet. Susanna Farrell is a gifted writer and writes with passion about her art and her long and at times frustrating relationship with famous Mr B, George Balanchine. A must read for all ballet aficionados.
April 22, 2016
I recently had the pleasure of meeting Suzanne Farrell and while it was a brief encounter she was very gracious and approachable while also maintaining a sense of dignity. I read this biography as a teen because I have loved ballet my entire life and Ms. Farrell was my favorite prima ballerina growing up. I never had the pleasure of seeing her perform in person but would watch her recorded interviews and performances with tremendous interest. The way she danced was so lyrical and lovely that for me she is ballet in many ways. I can imagine that George Balanchine saw something very unique in her style and saw her innate talent as something which could be molded and enhanced but also a pure determination which was probably very erotic to him. It must have been a very strange experience for a young woman to handle but the book does a good job of capturing her youthful desire to succeed, the initial budding attraction between the two and the confusion such a situation would cause. There is the sense that a veil of mystery covers some of the story but I think that is only natural and right as some things should retain a degree of privacy but I do not feel it hurt the book. Instead as I watched Ms. Farrell speak to me I found myself respecting that aspect all the more as it made her more real and wonderfully human. I recommend this book highly for any lover of ballet as it takes you inside a world that is rare and precious for its sheer beauty and immense hard work. If you read this book I would recommend that you look on YouTube for some of her performances first as it will heighten your appreciation for what this interesting ballerina achieved. She was also raised as a single parents child and not as an elite and that makes her story all the more riveting for what a fabulous road her dedication to her craft created for her. Her love for dance is most apparent and I have enjoyed reading this book again.
May 18, 2018
I know nothing about dance, but this autobiography was fascinating. Farrell expresses the relationship between the music and dancer so well. Her story encapsulates the historical shift Balanchine created through his modern interpretations of Stravinsky, while holding to the romantic strains of Tchaikovsky. This is also an interesting book to read from the perspective of a mentor obsessed and in love with his young protegee and the protegee's attempt to break free without betraying her devotion to that mentor. Farrell walks a tightrope but ultimately succeeds in creating her own space within the dance world in this autobiography.
"If he had thought at one time that he wanted something I couldn't give him, I hoped that now he knew that in truth he did get everything ... everything I had to give, the best of me."
"I was in a place composed of tall spires. There was a sound, not Mozartiana, but a kind of shattering, prophetic, organ-like sound, and I was walking on the vibrating spires upward from one pinnacle to another. It wasn't precarious. My footing was very stable; I was holding on to the air."
"People have asked me what it was like to be on that stage, where I had lived so many lives, knowing it was the last time. Did my whole career pass through my mind in a flash? No, it didn't. It was not a memorial, it was a celebration. I felt like Cinderella at the ball, and I had been there all my life. It was roses without thorns."
"If he had thought at one time that he wanted something I couldn't give him, I hoped that now he knew that in truth he did get everything ... everything I had to give, the best of me."
"I was in a place composed of tall spires. There was a sound, not Mozartiana, but a kind of shattering, prophetic, organ-like sound, and I was walking on the vibrating spires upward from one pinnacle to another. It wasn't precarious. My footing was very stable; I was holding on to the air."
"People have asked me what it was like to be on that stage, where I had lived so many lives, knowing it was the last time. Did my whole career pass through my mind in a flash? No, it didn't. It was not a memorial, it was a celebration. I felt like Cinderella at the ball, and I had been there all my life. It was roses without thorns."
November 11, 2022
Viewed from the perspective of metoo culture, Suzanne Farrell’s autobiography makes one want to rush back in time, beat George Balletine about the head and shoulders and then give Peter Martins a swift, sharp kick. She, however, is totally ladylike about both messes.
As a teenager, Suzanne became the most famous ballet dancer in America - and the acknowledged muse of Ballachine, the most famous choreographer in the world, who was 40 years OLDER than she was. The problem: he’d married his past muses. When she got engaged at 20, he forced her to break it off. Suzanne is incredibly diplomatic in the book about this - trying to come up with reasons that aren’t ‘he was a gross old married lech staking his claim on a young girl’ - it was his artistic nature you see.
When she got engaged to another young man at 22, Balanchine again tried to break them up. Farrell’s family was on HIS side. And Farrell knew she was risking her career. Can you imagine the pressure? A 22 star with the world arrayed against her? And because ballet, she was broke. She married her young man, also a dancer in the company. Immediately Balanchine retaliated first by cutting her husband’s roles and pressuring her until she too quit. No one would hire her for fear of his antagonism.
So, she’s 22, she’s cost her husband his career and she can’t get work herself. The media are ceaselessly hounding her about the breakup with Balanchine. Four years later he relents and allows her back in his company.
The ballet world is relentlessly discriminatory toward female dancers. When her young husband is out of work, he starts choreographing pieces for her. It never occurs to her to choreograph anything even though she’s great at dance improv. We see this again with her peer Peter Martins, who with five years less experience, is invited at 38 to become Balanchine’s successor, leading the company. While Suzanne remains a lead dancer. A few years later Martins forced Suzanne to retire at 44. (She’s so ladylike in the book about this that you’d never know he was a jerk.) She has no idea what to do next. It never occurs to anyone to have her lead a company, although a man of her stature would.
Worth noting: When Martins was forced by metoo publicity to resign a couple of years ago, he was making over $600,000 a year. Farrell was not.
This rant aside, if you love dance and can make yourself stomach (or skip) the infuriating sexist bits, this book is a must-read.
You will come out of it with a case of hero worship for Farrell.
As a teenager, Suzanne became the most famous ballet dancer in America - and the acknowledged muse of Ballachine, the most famous choreographer in the world, who was 40 years OLDER than she was. The problem: he’d married his past muses. When she got engaged at 20, he forced her to break it off. Suzanne is incredibly diplomatic in the book about this - trying to come up with reasons that aren’t ‘he was a gross old married lech staking his claim on a young girl’ - it was his artistic nature you see.
When she got engaged to another young man at 22, Balanchine again tried to break them up. Farrell’s family was on HIS side. And Farrell knew she was risking her career. Can you imagine the pressure? A 22 star with the world arrayed against her? And because ballet, she was broke. She married her young man, also a dancer in the company. Immediately Balanchine retaliated first by cutting her husband’s roles and pressuring her until she too quit. No one would hire her for fear of his antagonism.
So, she’s 22, she’s cost her husband his career and she can’t get work herself. The media are ceaselessly hounding her about the breakup with Balanchine. Four years later he relents and allows her back in his company.
The ballet world is relentlessly discriminatory toward female dancers. When her young husband is out of work, he starts choreographing pieces for her. It never occurs to her to choreograph anything even though she’s great at dance improv. We see this again with her peer Peter Martins, who with five years less experience, is invited at 38 to become Balanchine’s successor, leading the company. While Suzanne remains a lead dancer. A few years later Martins forced Suzanne to retire at 44. (She’s so ladylike in the book about this that you’d never know he was a jerk.) She has no idea what to do next. It never occurs to anyone to have her lead a company, although a man of her stature would.
Worth noting: When Martins was forced by metoo publicity to resign a couple of years ago, he was making over $600,000 a year. Farrell was not.
This rant aside, if you love dance and can make yourself stomach (or skip) the infuriating sexist bits, this book is a must-read.
You will come out of it with a case of hero worship for Farrell.
January 26, 2021
I really enjoyed this book. Her life is fascinating and she does a great job telling it. That being said, I feel like she hesitates to open up completely about her private life to the reader. She goes into great detail about her emotions and impressions when it comes to dance and music (like paragraphs). But when she talks about her relationships and family she'll say "I was so upset I couldn't sleep," but not go into much detail otherwise. On the one hand, I can totally respect this, because I'd probably be the same trying to talk about my private life to the public! But as a reader, if left me feeling like I wanted to know just a little bit more. For example, I feel like her marriage must have been so romantic to put her career on the line like that, but she doesn't really get gushy or sentimental about it. However, because reading this book made me curious and nosey, I looked up their divorce online and it sounds like it was probably messy and painful. So maybe she just didn't want to think about it. Or felt like it wasn't anyone's business?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 19, 2021
I've been reading biographies and autobiographies of "Balanchine ballerinas"--first the new and excellent biography of Tanaquil Le Clerq, then Allegra Kent's autobiography which is fantastic and now this one.
Suzanne Farrell has a great story to tell and it got especially interesting for me when she defied George Balanchine and her mother by marrying. She and George had a relationship which I feel she describes really well and is sometimes hard to understand especially by someone who isn's so gifted or devoted to dance, but she did realize that on a personal level it wasn't so healthy and thus married a fellow dancer, Paul Meija and then was fired from the New York Ballet.
I feel that this part of Ms. Farrell's story is the most compelling--how she has to start from nothing and reinvent her dancing career in Europe and then how she and Balanchine reconcile and she comes back to New York.
Now I want to read a good biography or autobiography of Maria Tallchief.
Suzanne Farrell has a great story to tell and it got especially interesting for me when she defied George Balanchine and her mother by marrying. She and George had a relationship which I feel she describes really well and is sometimes hard to understand especially by someone who isn's so gifted or devoted to dance, but she did realize that on a personal level it wasn't so healthy and thus married a fellow dancer, Paul Meija and then was fired from the New York Ballet.
I feel that this part of Ms. Farrell's story is the most compelling--how she has to start from nothing and reinvent her dancing career in Europe and then how she and Balanchine reconcile and she comes back to New York.
Now I want to read a good biography or autobiography of Maria Tallchief.
February 25, 2018
Farrell has been so closely associated with Balanchine style and ballets that it is impossible to separate the two. By her own evaluation she was never happier than when cooperating with Balanchine on one of his creations. Her relationship with Balanchine was not an easy one, culminating as it did in her temporarily leaving NYCB to join Bejart's Ballet of the 20th Century. She eventually returned to cap her career with new ballets choreographed on her. An interesting story of creation, separation and redemption. Both Farrell and Balanchine were profoundly religious.
October 15, 2018
I loved this book. It was a slow read due to all the ballet terms and dancers names that I'm not familiar with, but it was worth it! It gave me insight into how Ms. Farrell became a ballerina for the New York City Ballet company, what was required of the dancers, and how Ballanchine choreographed. I felt like I was there right on the stage with her as I read the book! If you enjoy ballet and want to look behind the facade, this is for you!
March 4, 2020
I loved this book. I grew up watching NYCB and Balanchine ballets. I saw Suzanne Farrell dance many times. It is an inside look from the perspective of one of Balanchine’s muses. I enjoyed reading what it is like to be soneone’s muse, to see what it is like to join NYCB as a teenager and progress to become one of it’s most renowned dancers. If you have ever studied dance and wondered what it might be like to be a ballerina of her magnitude, you will enjoy this book.
July 16, 2024
I don't know why I waited so long to read this book. I've read so many books about Suzanne Farrell but missed reading her experiences in her own words. I think this read is a delight for any ballet fan as it's primarily focused on her working with Balanchine. I'd be eager for an updated version of this book given that it was published in 1990. I'd be curious if Suzanne's feelings about her experiences have changed given she's had a lot of time to reflect.
April 16, 2018
An engrossing autobiography mostly concerned with Suzanne Farrell's relationship with George Balanchine. I was first introduced to Farrell by reading Merrill Ashley's Dancing for Balanchine. In Ashley's version, Farrell is portrayed as more of a heavy whose return to NYCB causes everyone's life to change for the worse. It was interesting to read the same events from Farrell's point of view (Ashley rates only one passing mention in Farrell's version. Ouch.)
In her own words, Farrell comes across as a dedicated dancer and sympathetic character who's more bewildered by Balanchine's obsession with her (she's a teenager when she catches the eye of the married, 61-year-old Balanchine) although she never turns on him. She loved and respected him to the end, even even while never succumbing to his advances. Pretty remarkable for such a young dancer to stand firm for her beliefs in the face of unbelievable pressure (both from Balanchine and—appallingly—her own mother). In this era of #MeToo, I would hope that Balanchine's "romantic" interest would be labeled as the disgusting pedophilia that it was, but who knows. Peter Martins' recent resignation at NYCB shows that a predatory genius can still get away with a lot.
Regardless, this is an autobiography worth any dance fan's time. I only wish it came with videos of all the amazing choreography Farrell describes.
In her own words, Farrell comes across as a dedicated dancer and sympathetic character who's more bewildered by Balanchine's obsession with her (she's a teenager when she catches the eye of the married, 61-year-old Balanchine) although she never turns on him. She loved and respected him to the end, even even while never succumbing to his advances. Pretty remarkable for such a young dancer to stand firm for her beliefs in the face of unbelievable pressure (both from Balanchine and—appallingly—her own mother). In this era of #MeToo, I would hope that Balanchine's "romantic" interest would be labeled as the disgusting pedophilia that it was, but who knows. Peter Martins' recent resignation at NYCB shows that a predatory genius can still get away with a lot.
Regardless, this is an autobiography worth any dance fan's time. I only wish it came with videos of all the amazing choreography Farrell describes.
March 18, 2024
Heavy on the melodrama but I was totally here for it. Maybe it’s because I picked this up in a free community library while on vacation or that I’m seeing NYCB next week for the first time in a long time, but I loved reading this book and getting to know the inner workings of Balanchine, the choreographer, the luminary and the sentimental man.
August 19, 2017
As a dancer, I thoroughly enjoyed this book! Suzanne lets the reader see NYCB, ballet in general, and of course, George Balanchine through her eyes. She paints a beautiful and dramatic picture of the crazy ride that is her life!
November 26, 2018
Farrell's autobiography is co-written with a Toni Bentley who also danced with the NYCB. I enjoy attending the NYCB each summer and was eager to read this book. However, the writing style seems like pulp fiction, a bit over the top in places. DNF.
December 11, 2019
If you're a fan of ballet, this is a must read. Ms. Farrell, one of the greatest dancers of the 1970s and 80s, has a fascinating story to tell of her life with New York City Ballet and life under the tutelage of George Balanchine.
May 29, 2022
Being raised by a ballerina teacher/mother, I indulge in all things ballet. Though never seeing Suzanne dance in person, I followed her career and remember her last performance after she had her hip replaced. A lovely person inside and out.
May 3, 2024
This book provides a rare glimpse into the multidimensional life of one of our time’s greatest ballerinas and, through her eyes, allows us to get to know George Balanchine as a choreographer and person, too.
January 20, 2026
I’m sad this is over it was such a nice before bed read. Overall thoughts are that Suzanne was lowkey Stockholm syndromed by Balanchine. Loved the look into NYCB with balanchine though, their relationship was just odd.
December 17, 2017
absolutely loved it!
May 23, 2020
A different view on dancing for George Balanchine. Most others are negative.
February 14, 2022
Loved it!
Exquisite glimpse of some of ballet’s most important moments, told beautifully by one of neoclassical ballet’s most important figures. Loved it
Exquisite glimpse of some of ballet’s most important moments, told beautifully by one of neoclassical ballet’s most important figures. Loved it
Read
October 22, 2022DNF
May 16, 2022
It's a look inside the world of dance that I'd never get otherwise. Recommended!
May 29, 2016
If I ever had to write a paper on legendary choreography George Balanchine, this book would by my primary source for research, as it's the first-hand account of the creation of so many of his most famous works from one of his premiere muses and ballerinas.
It is more of a challenge to read about ballet; I'd rather be actually seeing the movements. Pieces of the story were a bit of a slog, especially when it came to the complex offstage relationship between Balanchine and Farrell. The most interesting part was when Farrell left the New York City Ballet to join Maurice Béjart's Ballet de XXème Siècle in Brussels.
After reading this very personal account of the creations of ballet's most incredible pieces, I'm even more excited to see the PA Ballet's upcoming "Balanchine and Beyond" program!
"It proved essential to the laboratory atmosphere of experimentation that I had still not developed an image of myself, nor had I allowed myself to import the ridiculous but pervasive notion that I must be perfect, classically or otherwise. Balanchine always said, 'Perfect is boring,' and I believed him." p. 110
"I felt like a high-stakes commodity; my choices and actions existed to make everyone else's life smoother, but I was beginning to wonder where, if anywhere, my own feelings fit in. I was torn apart trying to make everyone happy. I hadn't yet learned that this was an impossible dream." p. 143
On Variations: "Like a giant double helix, they were always connected as they wound themselves up into an impossible situation, wrestled themselves into another, and then unwound onto each other's shoulders in a pyramid formation. It was genetic engineering according to Balanchine." p. 149
On Bugaku: "If a step or movement is played only for its sexual suggestiveness, it immediately becomes something other than itself, and the result is a limitation. If, on the other hand, the step or movement is given its fully musical and physical value without the trappings of a specific intention, sexual or otherwise, its power can be limitless - it will suggest to some, it will comfort others, and while it may provoke one person, it may be a beautiful image to another. I have never believed in foreshortening any movement's options by imposing one's own experience on it." p. 158
"Balanchine was a feminist long before it was the fashion: he devoted his life to celebrating female independence." p. 163
"Offstage we were both confused, sometimes stupid, emotional human beings, but onstage we were bigger and better than ourselves." p. 183
"I had learned from Balanchine that suggestion has a far greater effect than demand [...]." p. 295
It is more of a challenge to read about ballet; I'd rather be actually seeing the movements. Pieces of the story were a bit of a slog, especially when it came to the complex offstage relationship between Balanchine and Farrell. The most interesting part was when Farrell left the New York City Ballet to join Maurice Béjart's Ballet de XXème Siècle in Brussels.
After reading this very personal account of the creations of ballet's most incredible pieces, I'm even more excited to see the PA Ballet's upcoming "Balanchine and Beyond" program!
"It proved essential to the laboratory atmosphere of experimentation that I had still not developed an image of myself, nor had I allowed myself to import the ridiculous but pervasive notion that I must be perfect, classically or otherwise. Balanchine always said, 'Perfect is boring,' and I believed him." p. 110
"I felt like a high-stakes commodity; my choices and actions existed to make everyone else's life smoother, but I was beginning to wonder where, if anywhere, my own feelings fit in. I was torn apart trying to make everyone happy. I hadn't yet learned that this was an impossible dream." p. 143
On Variations: "Like a giant double helix, they were always connected as they wound themselves up into an impossible situation, wrestled themselves into another, and then unwound onto each other's shoulders in a pyramid formation. It was genetic engineering according to Balanchine." p. 149
On Bugaku: "If a step or movement is played only for its sexual suggestiveness, it immediately becomes something other than itself, and the result is a limitation. If, on the other hand, the step or movement is given its fully musical and physical value without the trappings of a specific intention, sexual or otherwise, its power can be limitless - it will suggest to some, it will comfort others, and while it may provoke one person, it may be a beautiful image to another. I have never believed in foreshortening any movement's options by imposing one's own experience on it." p. 158
"Balanchine was a feminist long before it was the fashion: he devoted his life to celebrating female independence." p. 163
"Offstage we were both confused, sometimes stupid, emotional human beings, but onstage we were bigger and better than ourselves." p. 183
"I had learned from Balanchine that suggestion has a far greater effect than demand [...]." p. 295
June 27, 2016
Holding on to the Air is a beautifully written memoir recounting the story of Suzanne Farrell, a former dancer at the New York City Ballet. From her childhood in Cincinnati to her retirement from ballet in 1989, Farrell's story is truly a remarkable one. The book describes at length her time with the New York City Ballet as well as her complex relationship with the legendary Balanchine.
The story has a nice flow to it, and it reads more easily than one would expect an autobiography to read – at least more easily than I have expected it to read. Farrell's emotions remain real and alive through her words. It is almost as though no time has relapsed since those events took place. Whereas the book does get somewhat too technical at points, with length descriptions of ballet positions and sequences I was unfamiliar with, Farrell's story is a unique one, and her passion for the ballet is a true inspiration. This is a must read for all of you dancers out there, and to those of you who, like me, discovered ballet somewhat later in life and just want to learn more about this magical and yet elusive art form.
The story has a nice flow to it, and it reads more easily than one would expect an autobiography to read – at least more easily than I have expected it to read. Farrell's emotions remain real and alive through her words. It is almost as though no time has relapsed since those events took place. Whereas the book does get somewhat too technical at points, with length descriptions of ballet positions and sequences I was unfamiliar with, Farrell's story is a unique one, and her passion for the ballet is a true inspiration. This is a must read for all of you dancers out there, and to those of you who, like me, discovered ballet somewhat later in life and just want to learn more about this magical and yet elusive art form.
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