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Altared: The True Story of a She, a He, and How They Both Got Too Worked Up About We
“Altared is a must-read for young Christians hungering for a realistic, biblically rich take on love and marriage in the twenty-first century.”
—Katelyn Beaty, editor, Christianity Today magazine, Her.meneutics
Mar•riage-hap•py \mar´-ij-hap´e¯\ adj 1: Having an inordinate preoccupation with marital pursuits, sometimes at the cost of other Christian priorities, commonly seen in evangelicals. 2: A giddiness stemming from all things related to marriage.
In the frenzied pursuit of romance, Christians sometimes lose sight of the greatest to love God and to love others. Distracted by wedding bells and exuberant hopes for a happily-ever-after, Christians often forget the greater vision of Christ’s call to love.
What if God is less worked up about marriage than we are?
With honesty and insight, Claire and Eli ask us to shift our thinking away from marriage or singleness and toward love and discipleship.
Drawing from luminaries like Augustine, the Desert Fathers, and Bonhoeffer, they invite you to join their real-life exploration of love as they convincingly demonstrate why a love for God and for one’s neighbor are to be our top priorities, whether we are single or married.
—Katelyn Beaty, editor, Christianity Today magazine, Her.meneutics
Mar•riage-hap•py \mar´-ij-hap´e¯\ adj 1: Having an inordinate preoccupation with marital pursuits, sometimes at the cost of other Christian priorities, commonly seen in evangelicals. 2: A giddiness stemming from all things related to marriage.
In the frenzied pursuit of romance, Christians sometimes lose sight of the greatest to love God and to love others. Distracted by wedding bells and exuberant hopes for a happily-ever-after, Christians often forget the greater vision of Christ’s call to love.
What if God is less worked up about marriage than we are?
With honesty and insight, Claire and Eli ask us to shift our thinking away from marriage or singleness and toward love and discipleship.
Drawing from luminaries like Augustine, the Desert Fathers, and Bonhoeffer, they invite you to join their real-life exploration of love as they convincingly demonstrate why a love for God and for one’s neighbor are to be our top priorities, whether we are single or married.
256 pages, Paperback
First published September 18, 2012
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
October 12, 2012
Definitely one of the stranger books on singleness I've ever read. And I've read a lot of them.
The authors are an anonymous ex-couple who decided to develop a theology of singleness around their failed romance, seeking to justify their belief that evangelical Christianity has put entirely too much emphasis on "marriage-y-ness", and that what singles should really focus on is loving their neighbors instead of seeking a godly spouse.
"As I circled back to the Bible, I didn't find nearly as much unqualified support for marriage as I might have thought. I saw some helpful metaphors and passages regarding husbands and wives, but in general, those passages floated in a sea of references about love more generally, about loving our neighbors and growing into the love that Christ called us to." "In other words, Christ said little about marriage and a lot about love."
What I always find curious about these books which seek to glorify the single life is that there is never an explanation as to why generations of believers must have misinterpreted the Bible's emphasis on marriage until the 1970's or so. Why is that we suddenly became enlightened around the same time that secular culture began to change its feelings about marriage and relationships and commitment? Was God waiting for society's disregard for Biblical marriage as His opportunity to finally show Christians that they have been wrong all along about the perceived importance of the relationship that mirror's Christ's relationship with His Bride?
I don't think so.
The authors are an anonymous ex-couple who decided to develop a theology of singleness around their failed romance, seeking to justify their belief that evangelical Christianity has put entirely too much emphasis on "marriage-y-ness", and that what singles should really focus on is loving their neighbors instead of seeking a godly spouse.
"As I circled back to the Bible, I didn't find nearly as much unqualified support for marriage as I might have thought. I saw some helpful metaphors and passages regarding husbands and wives, but in general, those passages floated in a sea of references about love more generally, about loving our neighbors and growing into the love that Christ called us to." "In other words, Christ said little about marriage and a lot about love."
What I always find curious about these books which seek to glorify the single life is that there is never an explanation as to why generations of believers must have misinterpreted the Bible's emphasis on marriage until the 1970's or so. Why is that we suddenly became enlightened around the same time that secular culture began to change its feelings about marriage and relationships and commitment? Was God waiting for society's disregard for Biblical marriage as His opportunity to finally show Christians that they have been wrong all along about the perceived importance of the relationship that mirror's Christ's relationship with His Bride?
I don't think so.
April 2, 2013
RATING 2.5, Recommended for SINGLES
It took me a long time to get through this book. I struggled with whether or not I should even finish it. If nothing else, it makes a clear case for the axiom of not judging a book by its cover. On its face (or cover) ALTARED appears to be a quirky little book by a trendy couple explaining how their marriage works and how you, too, can experience marital bliss with your fellow hipster spouse. (Well, maybe I’m overstating a bit.)
In reality, the book details the courtship of said couple, describing in great detail the path that brought them together, as well as the challenges presented by their background in the church and the “marriage or bust” subculture among Christians everywhere. And while their story does have its interesting moments, the book is more a study of dating than marriage. (Which is fine, except that - as previously mentioned - the title implies the opposite.)
The discussion of marriage that does occur in this book appears to be more theoretical than practical. And it takes more of a dissuasive tone than you might expect. The emphasis is more on a healthy single life, reliant on and in service to God. And while it’s a good message, the deck from which these authors deal seems stacked against marriage, especially when the trump card is played. (SPOILER ALERT: the courtship detailed in the book results in an amicable break-up. I repeat, neither Claire nor Eli are married, and they writing pseudonymously. END SPOILER.)
All in all, it was a somewhat frustrating read, largely due to the packaging, which didn’t align with the message. There certainly was plenty of quirkiness and hipness gracing the pages, and it does raise an important point, but I can't help believing that it could have been much more than it was. Although, presented appropriately, I probably wouldn’t have read it at all.
-from TRudATmusic[dot]com[slash]raw (4/1/13)
It took me a long time to get through this book. I struggled with whether or not I should even finish it. If nothing else, it makes a clear case for the axiom of not judging a book by its cover. On its face (or cover) ALTARED appears to be a quirky little book by a trendy couple explaining how their marriage works and how you, too, can experience marital bliss with your fellow hipster spouse. (Well, maybe I’m overstating a bit.)
In reality, the book details the courtship of said couple, describing in great detail the path that brought them together, as well as the challenges presented by their background in the church and the “marriage or bust” subculture among Christians everywhere. And while their story does have its interesting moments, the book is more a study of dating than marriage. (Which is fine, except that - as previously mentioned - the title implies the opposite.)
The discussion of marriage that does occur in this book appears to be more theoretical than practical. And it takes more of a dissuasive tone than you might expect. The emphasis is more on a healthy single life, reliant on and in service to God. And while it’s a good message, the deck from which these authors deal seems stacked against marriage, especially when the trump card is played. (SPOILER ALERT: the courtship detailed in the book results in an amicable break-up. I repeat, neither Claire nor Eli are married, and they writing pseudonymously. END SPOILER.)
All in all, it was a somewhat frustrating read, largely due to the packaging, which didn’t align with the message. There certainly was plenty of quirkiness and hipness gracing the pages, and it does raise an important point, but I can't help believing that it could have been much more than it was. Although, presented appropriately, I probably wouldn’t have read it at all.
-from TRudATmusic[dot]com[slash]raw (4/1/13)
April 26, 2018
Make that 3.5 stars. I did buy the book, but at used book price. I did find it worth reading. I definitely think it has something to say to Christ-followers...maybe I need to make it 4 stars. It took me a long time to read not because it's difficult or boring to read, but simply because it was my book to read while waiting to pick up grandchildren from school. Yup, I'm a grandmother thinking back to "wish I had heard this from the church when I was young" even though I am happily married for 45 years. Also, I see too often what Claire and Eli mention in the book: seeing single people as somehow incomplete. Here is an excerpt from my blog review (I reviewed it at the same time as The Handmaid's Tale -- yeah, I know, it's a strange coupling. If you're curious, it's here https://englishpoiema.blogspot.com/20... )
As I turn to the other book, a book written by two Christ-followers, Altared, the question must arise in some minds: why would I couple this non-fiction book with Atwood's? I do so because Claire and Eli (no last names on purpose) offer, in the words of one reviewer: "A much needed wake-up call -- a plea for a paradigm shift in the way we think of love, marriage, and ourselves as followers of Jesus."
Also, this comment "real love has little do with looking for Mr. or Ms. Right" hits at the core theme of this book. The body of Christ, as seen in our church institutions, has bought into the culture's view of love, or I might say, Dean Martin's view: "You got to get yourself somebody because you're nobody until somebody loves you" and Dean is definitely talking about lower case 's' here. Yes, this includes the church who makes singles feel less than they are because they are not one half of a couple. Instead of a top priority of getting to the altar (hence the title Altared), Claire and Eli invite the reader to make love for God and love for one's neighbor the greatest priority.
As I turn to the other book, a book written by two Christ-followers, Altared, the question must arise in some minds: why would I couple this non-fiction book with Atwood's? I do so because Claire and Eli (no last names on purpose) offer, in the words of one reviewer: "A much needed wake-up call -- a plea for a paradigm shift in the way we think of love, marriage, and ourselves as followers of Jesus."
Also, this comment "real love has little do with looking for Mr. or Ms. Right" hits at the core theme of this book. The body of Christ, as seen in our church institutions, has bought into the culture's view of love, or I might say, Dean Martin's view: "You got to get yourself somebody because you're nobody until somebody loves you" and Dean is definitely talking about lower case 's' here. Yes, this includes the church who makes singles feel less than they are because they are not one half of a couple. Instead of a top priority of getting to the altar (hence the title Altared), Claire and Eli invite the reader to make love for God and love for one's neighbor the greatest priority.
November 3, 2019
This is the book I had on my heart to write before I found out it had already been written. As a pastor who is single and in my mid-thirties, I have grown increasingly disturbed by the lopsided (and often very unhealthy and warped) focus on marriage that one encounters regularly in Christian circles. This is a needed corrective. I especially appreciated the focus on discipleship and the carefully chosen and apropos quotes from Christian thinkers through the centuries.
I would give it 4-4.5 stars because the writing is very good but not excellent, but because I think it deserves a higher rating than the average it has on Goodreads (which I attribute to an understandable yet lamentable pushback to a perceived threat to a treasured institutional idol), I am giving it 5 stars.
I would give it 4-4.5 stars because the writing is very good but not excellent, but because I think it deserves a higher rating than the average it has on Goodreads (which I attribute to an understandable yet lamentable pushback to a perceived threat to a treasured institutional idol), I am giving it 5 stars.
July 7, 2024
Loneliness reveals our desires with stinging clarity.
Loneliness can energize even seemingly noble activities with insincere motivations.
To crave and to have our as like a thing in its shadow. For when does a berry break up on the tongue sweetly as one longs to taste it, and when is the taste refracted into so many hues and savers of ripeness and earth, and when do our senses know anything so utterly as when we lack it? (Quote, reference 4, unknown)
Loneliness doesn't always have to be a constant source of weariness that turns in on itself, but a source that has a purpose outside itself, which is to draw our weary soul to the Lord who will renew us.
Loneliness can energize even seemingly noble activities with insincere motivations.
To crave and to have our as like a thing in its shadow. For when does a berry break up on the tongue sweetly as one longs to taste it, and when is the taste refracted into so many hues and savers of ripeness and earth, and when do our senses know anything so utterly as when we lack it? (Quote, reference 4, unknown)
Loneliness doesn't always have to be a constant source of weariness that turns in on itself, but a source that has a purpose outside itself, which is to draw our weary soul to the Lord who will renew us.
May 9, 2017
It's been about three years since I read it, but it’s no exaggeration to say that it changed my life. Altared is written by Claire and Eli - two people raised in Christian culture who believed (like many of us) that marriage was the “end all”, the ultimate goal. With this misconception and the resulting expectations, Claire and Eli entered into a romantic relationship which suffered greatly from the disfunction they had been trained into...
See the full review on my blog at http://thegreatcakeadventure.weebly.c...
See the full review on my blog at http://thegreatcakeadventure.weebly.c...
January 10, 2022
In reading one book, two stories unfold. The first is that of Claire and Eli. I can honestly say I didn't expect the ending there!
But as Eli points out at the beginning of the book, don't skip past the reflection parts of the chapter that unpack a deeper understanding of Christian love to others. There were some points I lost Eli and Claire on, but as a single in the church, there was something refreshing about taking a second look at the "marriage-happiness" many experience in the church. Using biblical passages and thoughts from great Christian authors, I closed the book with a more holistic look at where romantic love fits within a Christian call to love others.
But as Eli points out at the beginning of the book, don't skip past the reflection parts of the chapter that unpack a deeper understanding of Christian love to others. There were some points I lost Eli and Claire on, but as a single in the church, there was something refreshing about taking a second look at the "marriage-happiness" many experience in the church. Using biblical passages and thoughts from great Christian authors, I closed the book with a more holistic look at where romantic love fits within a Christian call to love others.
July 16, 2013
Finding a mate and the societal push to marry is often one of the most stressful periods of life a person will face. Is there someone out there for me and when will that person come my way often leads to what can be described as an unhealthy preoccupation with the process of and experience of finding that perfect match. Bookstores are full of books offering advice on how to find a mate, anything from prowling the local club to ignoring the process altogether. Given that marriage is the first institution established by God for not just the propagation of the species but for the pleasure of man and woman within the confines of marriage, this certainly is a subject worth discussing. Clair and Eli (the pseudonyms used by the authors) attempt to provide an approach to whether or not to date and how much one should focus on that process.
Given this book received what appears to be a rather glowing remark by well-known author Eric Metaxas, perhaps my expectations for this book were rather high from the get go. After reading through the approach provided by the authors, I am somewhat unsure as to whether they are supporting the biblical institution of marriage or whether they are promoting singleness. I certainly appreciated their effort to use their own experiences as a means to engage the topic at hand. One statement that really baffled me was “As I circled back to the Bible, I didn’t find nearly as much unqualified support for marriage as I might have thought. I saw some helpful metaphors and passages regarding husbands and wives, but in general, those passages floated in a sea of references about love more generally, about loving our neighbors, and growing into the love that Christ called us to.” Such a statement seems to miss passages such as Genesis 2:24 or the real basis for what marriage represents which is far more than a mere metaphor or symbol.
There seems to be somewhat of an unnecessary conflict presented between physical romance and attraction to the opposite sex and the ability of one to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. Such a conflict is indeed rather foreign to Scripture. Certainly one must be mindful of not making a god out of the opposite sex as such an approach is rooted in idolatry. Additionally, the pursuit of a spouse must not be all consuming. I am a firm advocate of the approach of focusing of God and allowing God to be God by bringing that person into your life that He has chosen for you. That is why dating methodologies such as betrothal and courtship are more biblically centric that the modern dating model. They focus on the individual as a brother or sister in Christ rather than as an object of pure sexual attraction or affection. In that regard, I appreciated the approach of the authors and their desire to constantly remind the reader to not let the pursuit of a mate overcome their life. That is definitely a proper approach.
Finding a mate is not just something to check off the proverbial bucket list. Marriage is a life-long commitment one must enter with all manner of solemnity. Far too many enter a marital relationship solely based on puppy dog feelings leaving no firm foundation to stand on when the hard times of life come storming in. Issues such as self-denial and love, meaning actual love that sticks around the long haul, are concepts aptly addressed by the authors and rightly so. These are issues for anyone contemplating marriage to discuss with a potential mate. Focusing on God during the time of singleness is definitely the best advise one can give, however, this does not mean one cannot be observant and cognizant of members of the opposite sex around them, something the authors seem to want to push. What it does mean is that by focusing on God, healthy male/female relationships can be a reality as the opposite sex is, as mentioned earlier, a brother or sister in Christ. Viewing everyone as a potential partner is not the way to go. So there is a definite balance that must be struck, however, singleness is the rarity and not the norm. The authors note that Paul was single, however, Paul did urge people to get married unless God had called them to a life of singleness as after all, marriage is the normal flow of events for most people.
Over all, this was not a horrible book, although some of the perspectives provided throughout tend to be rooted in a somewhat unclear approach to the topic of dating. I would recommend books by Joshua Harris or Eric and Leslie Ludy as starting points on a biblical approach to finding your mate. This does not mean the concepts and ideas presented in Altared are of no use. It is the unclear manner in which this book is written that keeps me from a full recommendation of it for those seeking to find out what a biblical view of dating looks like.
I received this for free from Waterbrook Press for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Given this book received what appears to be a rather glowing remark by well-known author Eric Metaxas, perhaps my expectations for this book were rather high from the get go. After reading through the approach provided by the authors, I am somewhat unsure as to whether they are supporting the biblical institution of marriage or whether they are promoting singleness. I certainly appreciated their effort to use their own experiences as a means to engage the topic at hand. One statement that really baffled me was “As I circled back to the Bible, I didn’t find nearly as much unqualified support for marriage as I might have thought. I saw some helpful metaphors and passages regarding husbands and wives, but in general, those passages floated in a sea of references about love more generally, about loving our neighbors, and growing into the love that Christ called us to.” Such a statement seems to miss passages such as Genesis 2:24 or the real basis for what marriage represents which is far more than a mere metaphor or symbol.
There seems to be somewhat of an unnecessary conflict presented between physical romance and attraction to the opposite sex and the ability of one to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. Such a conflict is indeed rather foreign to Scripture. Certainly one must be mindful of not making a god out of the opposite sex as such an approach is rooted in idolatry. Additionally, the pursuit of a spouse must not be all consuming. I am a firm advocate of the approach of focusing of God and allowing God to be God by bringing that person into your life that He has chosen for you. That is why dating methodologies such as betrothal and courtship are more biblically centric that the modern dating model. They focus on the individual as a brother or sister in Christ rather than as an object of pure sexual attraction or affection. In that regard, I appreciated the approach of the authors and their desire to constantly remind the reader to not let the pursuit of a mate overcome their life. That is definitely a proper approach.
Finding a mate is not just something to check off the proverbial bucket list. Marriage is a life-long commitment one must enter with all manner of solemnity. Far too many enter a marital relationship solely based on puppy dog feelings leaving no firm foundation to stand on when the hard times of life come storming in. Issues such as self-denial and love, meaning actual love that sticks around the long haul, are concepts aptly addressed by the authors and rightly so. These are issues for anyone contemplating marriage to discuss with a potential mate. Focusing on God during the time of singleness is definitely the best advise one can give, however, this does not mean one cannot be observant and cognizant of members of the opposite sex around them, something the authors seem to want to push. What it does mean is that by focusing on God, healthy male/female relationships can be a reality as the opposite sex is, as mentioned earlier, a brother or sister in Christ. Viewing everyone as a potential partner is not the way to go. So there is a definite balance that must be struck, however, singleness is the rarity and not the norm. The authors note that Paul was single, however, Paul did urge people to get married unless God had called them to a life of singleness as after all, marriage is the normal flow of events for most people.
Over all, this was not a horrible book, although some of the perspectives provided throughout tend to be rooted in a somewhat unclear approach to the topic of dating. I would recommend books by Joshua Harris or Eric and Leslie Ludy as starting points on a biblical approach to finding your mate. This does not mean the concepts and ideas presented in Altared are of no use. It is the unclear manner in which this book is written that keeps me from a full recommendation of it for those seeking to find out what a biblical view of dating looks like.
I received this for free from Waterbrook Press for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
November 4, 2017
Well done.
February 9, 2014
The book I have to review for you today deviates from my usual read. Altared: The True Story of a She, a He, and How They Both Got Too Worked Up About We by Claire & Eli is an interesting read that I received courtesy of WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group as part of their Blogging for Books Program. A book about love is appropriate for Valentine's week, huh?
Here is a description of the book from the publishers:
Mar•riage-hap•py \mar´-ij-hap´e¯\ adj 1: Having an inordinate preoccupation with marital pursuits, sometimes at the cost of other Christian priorities, commonly seen in evangelicals. 2: A giddiness stemming from all things related to marriage.
In the frenzied pursuit of romance, Christians sometimes lose sight of the greatest commandments: to love God and to love others. Distracted by wedding bells and exuberant hopes for a happily-ever-after, Christians often forget the greater vision of Christ’s call to love.
What if God is less worked up about marriage than we are?
With honesty and insight, Claire and Eli ask us to shift our thinking away from marriage or singleness and toward love and discipleship.
Drawing from luminaries like Augustine, the Desert Fathers, and Bonhoeffer, they invite you to join their real-life exploration of love as they convincingly demonstrate why a love for God and for one’s neighbor are to be our top priorities, whether we are single or married.
As usual, my five point review:
Overall, this book is based on an interesting premise for the Christian evangelical/church community: marriage, singleness, relationships and their stances on love are not as important as love and discipleship, as following Jesus is. Most Christians would say that following Jesus DOES supercede pursuing relationships, but in practice, things aren't always that simple. So in one way, this book is a refreshing look at a topic of interest for many young adults, and a challenging one at that.
On the other hand, Claire and Eli write this book as a couple--but not a married couple. The details of that are best left to the book [the format of which alternates the story of their relationship with their exploration of the question: "should I get married?"]. Though Ben and I have been married for almost five years now [wow!], I don't claim to be an expert on marriage... but would I recommend it? Absolutely. I just feel that their position in life doesn't exactly give them authority to write such an opinionated piece on marriage. If you aren't married, you can't understand it--period.
The two biggest beefs I have with their exploration of the topic is that a) they generalize on the Christian experience with marriage A LOT, and b) their explorations of Biblical passages on marriage [i.e. 1 Corinthians 7, Matthew 22] are kind of weak. The generalizations stem from the fact that they assume all Christian leaders encourage marriage above anything else, and therefore that young single Christians [or single Christians of any age] idolize marriage. I think that can be true, but isn't necessarily true, and their critique of the church in that respect seems a bit unfounded. Secondly, I just feel their use of scripture [while they do bring up good points] is somewhat weak and excludes the context in which it was written, as well as the backgrounds of the authors.
I thought the book was written in a very beautiful way. Parts of the book [their story] read like a novel. You feel like a friend is talking to you, and letting you into their fun romance. Props to a writing team succeeding at this!
Generally speaking, I think this book has its place and I would recommend it to believers who are struggling with prioritizing marriage over any other relationship. I think it is a good call to discipleship: to serve God wherever you are, to seek God, and to build relationships in a variety of contexts. I think the book just has to be read in a discerning way, and the novel-like, familiar way parts of it are written can easily bring your guard down.
What are you reading lately?
Disclosure: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. However, I was not required to write a positive review. The thoughts expressed above are entirely my own. Thanks to WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for the chance to read this great book!
thepajamachef.com
Here is a description of the book from the publishers:
Mar•riage-hap•py \mar´-ij-hap´e¯\ adj 1: Having an inordinate preoccupation with marital pursuits, sometimes at the cost of other Christian priorities, commonly seen in evangelicals. 2: A giddiness stemming from all things related to marriage.
In the frenzied pursuit of romance, Christians sometimes lose sight of the greatest commandments: to love God and to love others. Distracted by wedding bells and exuberant hopes for a happily-ever-after, Christians often forget the greater vision of Christ’s call to love.
What if God is less worked up about marriage than we are?
With honesty and insight, Claire and Eli ask us to shift our thinking away from marriage or singleness and toward love and discipleship.
Drawing from luminaries like Augustine, the Desert Fathers, and Bonhoeffer, they invite you to join their real-life exploration of love as they convincingly demonstrate why a love for God and for one’s neighbor are to be our top priorities, whether we are single or married.
As usual, my five point review:
Overall, this book is based on an interesting premise for the Christian evangelical/church community: marriage, singleness, relationships and their stances on love are not as important as love and discipleship, as following Jesus is. Most Christians would say that following Jesus DOES supercede pursuing relationships, but in practice, things aren't always that simple. So in one way, this book is a refreshing look at a topic of interest for many young adults, and a challenging one at that.
On the other hand, Claire and Eli write this book as a couple--but not a married couple. The details of that are best left to the book [the format of which alternates the story of their relationship with their exploration of the question: "should I get married?"]. Though Ben and I have been married for almost five years now [wow!], I don't claim to be an expert on marriage... but would I recommend it? Absolutely. I just feel that their position in life doesn't exactly give them authority to write such an opinionated piece on marriage. If you aren't married, you can't understand it--period.
The two biggest beefs I have with their exploration of the topic is that a) they generalize on the Christian experience with marriage A LOT, and b) their explorations of Biblical passages on marriage [i.e. 1 Corinthians 7, Matthew 22] are kind of weak. The generalizations stem from the fact that they assume all Christian leaders encourage marriage above anything else, and therefore that young single Christians [or single Christians of any age] idolize marriage. I think that can be true, but isn't necessarily true, and their critique of the church in that respect seems a bit unfounded. Secondly, I just feel their use of scripture [while they do bring up good points] is somewhat weak and excludes the context in which it was written, as well as the backgrounds of the authors.
I thought the book was written in a very beautiful way. Parts of the book [their story] read like a novel. You feel like a friend is talking to you, and letting you into their fun romance. Props to a writing team succeeding at this!
Generally speaking, I think this book has its place and I would recommend it to believers who are struggling with prioritizing marriage over any other relationship. I think it is a good call to discipleship: to serve God wherever you are, to seek God, and to build relationships in a variety of contexts. I think the book just has to be read in a discerning way, and the novel-like, familiar way parts of it are written can easily bring your guard down.
What are you reading lately?
Disclosure: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. However, I was not required to write a positive review. The thoughts expressed above are entirely my own. Thanks to WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for the chance to read this great book!
thepajamachef.com
September 22, 2012
This was originally posted in full on my blog {http://eahendryx.blogspot.com/2012/10...} but I wanted to share it here.
***
I set out with high expectations for this book and they were not unfulfilled! Altared by Claire & Eli was a fantastic book summed up perfectly by this statement from the cover: "The true story of a she, a he, and how they both got too worked up about we."
I'd love to be able to perfectly sum up this book within a few short paragraphs but I feel that would rob you of the joy of reading it for yourself. Instead, I shall just wet your taste buds and hope that this unashamed act of manipulation will cause you to rush out to the nearest bookstore (or better yet the ever-fast-shipping Amazon) to buy this book and experience it for yourself. The rest will merely be my musings on singleness in the Christian world today - take it or leave it for what it is.
The first unusual thing I noticed about this book was its brilliant combination of story and theology. This is not merely a book telling you what to think or reason about God, but rather a story of two people who have found their intertwined lives impacted by the realization that our story is really more His story (or, at least, it should be). Their playful combination of loves first-looks and the residual sense of confusion as like turns to dating, draws the reader in, subtly giving way to deeper thoughts on such concepts as what true love is (as modeled by Christ), self-denial and what that actually looks like, and even the taboo topic of loneliness and how that can be a positive thing when turned into accurately-focused solitude.
One of the themes of the book I resonated with the most was the fact that our modern Christian culture is heavily saturated with “marriage-happiness” which is (in their definition): “having an inordinate preoccupation with marital pursuits, sometimes at the cost of other Christian priorities, commonly seen in evangelicals” or “a giddiness stemming from all things related to marriage”. I can’t count the number of times I’ve slipped into this but also the number of times others have pushed me into this or have spoken about my singleness out of a “marriage-happy” perspective. Are we really that focused on marriage that being single is now a sin or is it, at the very least, a passing phase that we must endure in order to make it to the high spiritual plateau of marriage? I think not.
I shall close this haphazard book review by merely saying this: no matter your Facebook relationship status, you should check out this book. The refreshing way it’s written will not only entertain you (at the least) but it will also challenge you. You don’t need to be single to gain something from this book – in fact I’d highly recommend reading it if you are married as well! I believe it could change the way we view relationships and friendships within our church, community, and life while simultaneously affecting the way marrieds and singles interact. The principles relayed in the book are Biblically based and therefore appropriate in all areas of life.
***
I set out with high expectations for this book and they were not unfulfilled! Altared by Claire & Eli was a fantastic book summed up perfectly by this statement from the cover: "The true story of a she, a he, and how they both got too worked up about we."
I'd love to be able to perfectly sum up this book within a few short paragraphs but I feel that would rob you of the joy of reading it for yourself. Instead, I shall just wet your taste buds and hope that this unashamed act of manipulation will cause you to rush out to the nearest bookstore (or better yet the ever-fast-shipping Amazon) to buy this book and experience it for yourself. The rest will merely be my musings on singleness in the Christian world today - take it or leave it for what it is.
The first unusual thing I noticed about this book was its brilliant combination of story and theology. This is not merely a book telling you what to think or reason about God, but rather a story of two people who have found their intertwined lives impacted by the realization that our story is really more His story (or, at least, it should be). Their playful combination of loves first-looks and the residual sense of confusion as like turns to dating, draws the reader in, subtly giving way to deeper thoughts on such concepts as what true love is (as modeled by Christ), self-denial and what that actually looks like, and even the taboo topic of loneliness and how that can be a positive thing when turned into accurately-focused solitude.
One of the themes of the book I resonated with the most was the fact that our modern Christian culture is heavily saturated with “marriage-happiness” which is (in their definition): “having an inordinate preoccupation with marital pursuits, sometimes at the cost of other Christian priorities, commonly seen in evangelicals” or “a giddiness stemming from all things related to marriage”. I can’t count the number of times I’ve slipped into this but also the number of times others have pushed me into this or have spoken about my singleness out of a “marriage-happy” perspective. Are we really that focused on marriage that being single is now a sin or is it, at the very least, a passing phase that we must endure in order to make it to the high spiritual plateau of marriage? I think not.
I shall close this haphazard book review by merely saying this: no matter your Facebook relationship status, you should check out this book. The refreshing way it’s written will not only entertain you (at the least) but it will also challenge you. You don’t need to be single to gain something from this book – in fact I’d highly recommend reading it if you are married as well! I believe it could change the way we view relationships and friendships within our church, community, and life while simultaneously affecting the way marrieds and singles interact. The principles relayed in the book are Biblically based and therefore appropriate in all areas of life.
February 1, 2016
If I had typed my original feelings of this book, you know, after reading 3 paragraphs, I would have told you how much I did not like it. After all, every book review cannot be cheery. I would have been ok with letting you know I read a book I didn't like.
Unfortunately, I read the whole book...and liked it.
Claire and Eli have written a book titled Altared: The True Story of a She, a He, and How They Both Got Too Worked Up About We. Claire and Eli who? I'll get to that.
What these authors want us to know is that we, especially in American culture, are way too consumed with being marriage-happy an not concerned enough with loving our neighbor. At first glance, I was afraid this was a false dichotomy. Claire and Eli share their somewhat dysfunctional dating relationship. I wondered if they should throw other daters under the bus just because they struggled.
But in reality, what they write about is discipleship. And they proudly stand on the shoulders of giants and quote great writers extensively throughout the book. They come hard and don't stop until the reader is convinced that we have often softened discipleship and our focus has been askew. And by we I mean Christians, Church Leaders....everybody!
I would recommend this book because it will challenge you. But the big thing I still disliked by the end of the book was the mystery of the authors. Claire and Eli are pseudonyms. They attempt to explain that the reason is to keep the focus off of their relationship story, but for me, it feels a bit like hiding. They wrote a lot of great truth into this book. Don't be afraid to let your story stand.
Here's some link-love for them and this book.
October 17, 2012
This book contains his and her views separately and also as one voice on how they found each other, their initial thoughts and feelings about the courtship, their hopes and views on marriage and singleness, Christ's love for them and in truth where their importance lied and how their lives ended up evolving. Included are chapters entitled: Tips from Tolstoy, Love Thy Neighbor, Loneliness the Ache, Beach Balls and Sex Talks and many more. This volume also contains many bible passages and interpretations and quotes from familiar personalities.
A truly different kind of singleness/marriage book than what I am used to reading and what started out as being so-so actually became quite good as their story moved along. I feel this book could be helpful for young new Christians or ones that have lost their way as it contains many life lessons learned by the authors. It could be enjoyed by male or female readers as both authors are contributing to the storyline. I did enjoy the bible references and passages but in all honesty even though I thought it progessed to be entertaining for the most part, and as an older married reader, I could not take a piece from this book and apply it to my own life. 3 stars
A truly different kind of singleness/marriage book than what I am used to reading and what started out as being so-so actually became quite good as their story moved along. I feel this book could be helpful for young new Christians or ones that have lost their way as it contains many life lessons learned by the authors. It could be enjoyed by male or female readers as both authors are contributing to the storyline. I did enjoy the bible references and passages but in all honesty even though I thought it progessed to be entertaining for the most part, and as an older married reader, I could not take a piece from this book and apply it to my own life. 3 stars
March 7, 2013
Even secular society is marriage happy. The difference with the Church is that God will help you with the marriage if you turn to him.
Some valid points, but mainly this is a couple too selfish to actually devote their lives to anyone but themselves. She never seemed that into him until her girlfriend liked him. Either you like someone or you don't, but you decide with your own mind. So they couldn't work out being on two coasts and break up. Yet we find Eli has actually postponed his precious West Coast career to bum around. Then they get together again and become good friends wondering why they broke up. But they don't discuss it. If you love someone, you know, you want to be with them, and you talk to work things out. You don't use some trumped up church issue to excuse yourself.
Wouldn't it be kind of funny to find out they are actually married?
Some valid points, but mainly this is a couple too selfish to actually devote their lives to anyone but themselves. She never seemed that into him until her girlfriend liked him. Either you like someone or you don't, but you decide with your own mind. So they couldn't work out being on two coasts and break up. Yet we find Eli has actually postponed his precious West Coast career to bum around. Then they get together again and become good friends wondering why they broke up. But they don't discuss it. If you love someone, you know, you want to be with them, and you talk to work things out. You don't use some trumped up church issue to excuse yourself.
Wouldn't it be kind of funny to find out they are actually married?
August 9, 2012
The warning that Claire and Eli raise is an alarm worth sounding—we shouldn’t be seeking to fill our longing for union with Christ with the mere reflection of it (cf. Eph 5:32). Their encouragement towards discipleship in response to the abundance of “marriage-happy” evangelicals can serve to bring us back to a more balanced discussion and understanding of marriage. That said, Altared seems to achieve this goal at the cost of creating a division where there needn’t be one. Sanctification is God’s will for our lives, whether through the gift of singleness or the gift of marriage.
Read the full review here
Read the full review here
August 2, 2014
This was such a great book! Claire and Eli (former sweethearts) remind their readers that in a culture obsessed with romantic love and marriage, our first call is to love our neighbor, whatever our relationship status may be. Using scripture, personal experience, research, and drawing on the wisdom of past intellectuals, they offer solid reasons to make Jesus- not marriage- the purpose of our lives.
I enjoyed the story line threaded through this book, but it was sometimes difficult to bounce between their story and their insight, which was a little deep for me at times. Nevertheless, I plan to buy a copy of this book and mark it up! Highly recommended to people of all ages and in all stages of life and love.
Enjoy!
I enjoyed the story line threaded through this book, but it was sometimes difficult to bounce between their story and their insight, which was a little deep for me at times. Nevertheless, I plan to buy a copy of this book and mark it up! Highly recommended to people of all ages and in all stages of life and love.
Enjoy!
January 13, 2016
It was a very quick and easy read, and the authors were very creative with the writing style - his vs her. They brought up some solid disciplines for all disciples (married and single). I think it's had a great progressive way to show the the world and the body of Christ to see the point of view- both singles and married couples are important in the body. The book did show foundational aspects of properly preparing yourself and other youth. The book talks about how much you can be used as a fruitful disciple whether you are married or not, wise counsel to the youth should be done early, and if you are teaching and exhorting others - it must be done right according to God's plan. Or you end up with false teachings and false beliefs.
June 12, 2013
I know the book seems like and is built around romantic relationships, singleness and marriage but I was challenged by it to review my definition of love. Real love. Whether it be romantic love, love for friends and/or family or love for God.
It took me a while to read because it challenged me on a number of issues and to turn back to the biblical definition of love.
I think if you are looking for advice on singleness or marriage this is probably not the best place to start. But if you are happy to go along with the authors and see where this leads you, you might get some relationship information but I think you will get so much more.
It took me a while to read because it challenged me on a number of issues and to turn back to the biblical definition of love.
I think if you are looking for advice on singleness or marriage this is probably not the best place to start. But if you are happy to go along with the authors and see where this leads you, you might get some relationship information but I think you will get so much more.
August 1, 2024
A deep analytically critical look into the Christian and non-Christian views of marriage and romance; mainly from 2 focal perspectives Claire and Eli. Overall, sweet, self-aware, and an intellectual read challenging any Christian church's views of romanticizing marriage above God and questioning why single young people are alienated in Christian church communities especially those in their 20s-30s.
Would recommend to anyone struggling to argue for singleness and biblical love, romance, & marriage!
Would recommend to anyone struggling to argue for singleness and biblical love, romance, & marriage!
October 24, 2012
I admit I am biased - this book was co-written by one of my favorite people in the world, a former student. But I have read a whole lot of relationship books over the years, good, bad, and horrible, and this is for sure among the very best. And as further proof I would like to submit that currently TWO of my daughter's friends, teenage girls, are reading it and love it. Neither is normally a reader.
This book is clever, and honest, but not self-pitying.
This book is clever, and honest, but not self-pitying.
May 31, 2013
This is a great book for both married and single Christians to read, but especially for those who are thinking of getting married or friends with those who are thinking of getting married. It challenges the typical Christian ideas about marriage and singleness, but in a way that is non-threatening and invites you into a conversation about real, Christ-honoring relationships. I would definitely recommend this book to others!
November 14, 2013
I was really excited for this book but it sounds like many others it didn't do too much for me. If I had read it a year before in my single marriage hungry stage then maybe it would have hit home. Now it felt kinda meh. A unique perspective on it and brought in lots of interesting outside sources, but not really adding anything new to the conversation. Even then there are still a few girls if recommend it to as it would hit home for them.
July 26, 2013
I had high hopes for this book, and I'm not sure if its because I am in a different place in life currently, but this one didn't really do anything for me. I couldn't finish it. There isn't anything new, just the story of two people trying to fall in love, their romantic journey and the decisions they make.
April 1, 2013
This is an important read for singles and married folks alike. Claire and Eli pose important questions that we all should consider about why we may seem to place more value on finding a mate than truly learning what Christ's love is and how we can grow in demonstrating it. They also raise awareness about struggles of singles within churches that I would also hope everyone would consider.
May 15, 2013
The transitions between their own story and the more "thoughtful" parts of the book weren't very smooth at times, but overall I really enjoyed the insights they had to offer. A lot of good stuff to think about here.
October 24, 2012
Interesting thoughts that I'm sure will inform the rest of my experience . . . in college and beyond.
October 16, 2013
A religious dating book with a unique take on singleness.
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